 Why narcissists are dangerous in a safe relationship you can be vulnerable You can express how you feel without the fear of being judged you feel supported You feel as though they're listening to you. You're not being invalidated You're not being gaslighted. You feel like your thoughts and opinions matter You feel like you're being understood. You feel like you're on the same page in a safe relationship You can be yourself You can be vulnerable with your emotions Without the fear of being mocked or dismissed as something unimportant You're allowed to make mistakes and still be supported You're given the opportunity to learn from your mistakes You can ask questions You feel like you're being hued You feel validated But if you're watching my videos This is probably something you never got to experience People who end up with narcissists Usually grew up in a home where they didn't feel safe Where they were constantly walking on eggshells Worrying about their parents emotions more than their own It is very important for a child to be brought up in a safe environment Where they are not constantly on edge Where they are not constantly at risk of danger or harm if we were brought up in homes where we did feel safe We may never have ended up in relationships with narcissists When you first met the narcissist They acted so confident and self assured As though they knew what they were doing As though they were on top of everything This is the image they want to present when they are trying to secure a new source of supply Because they typically target people who don't feel safe People who are vulnerable People who have experienced abuse and childhood And they play the role of someone who is going to be there for you Someone who is going to protect you While also allowing you to have your independence To have your own life that is separate from theirs Almost like the parent you never had Because they know that this is what you want to see But as time goes by you begin to realise that they are the opposite of everything they first displayed to you They acted confident and in control But they actually don't feel safe at all They feel like the world is a dangerous place and everyone is out to get them They can play the victim and act like their situation is worse than anyone else's And they can project their feelings of not being safe onto you Along with their bad behaviour They make you feel like you are doing something that they are doing Because they don't want to own it They'd rather you took responsibility for their behaviours Because they feel uncomfortable Narcissists are pathologically insecure They lack confidence because they think they are not good enough They are emotionally unstable And this can make them a danger to the people around them They constantly need validation They use anyone and everyone for supply To make them feel better about themselves They constantly starve them for validation Which is why they always need friends, family members or therapists At their beck and call Ready to react to their commands without delay Which can seem overly entitled and unreasonable But if they can't get that validation as quickly as they need it Then they will get really mad That is when they can become a serious danger to you They will provoke you to react to them So that it then validates their false narrative That you are the problem It then allows them to play the victim And when friends or family members finally come around They then have the evidence they need to portray you as a perpetrator Which just puts you in even more danger Because not only are you being abused But you are also being blamed by everyone around you For abusing your abuser It makes you look at yourself and think that maybe you are doing something wrong Maybe you are the reason why this relationship isn't safe Maybe it is your fault When there is nothing you can do to make this relationship more safe Because it is the result of the narcissist's co-insecurity That emotional schedule determines your feelings of behaviour And the course of events Because they project it onto you And this is what makes it unsafe Because you don't realise that when you first meet them When they are love bombing you It makes you think that they are this amazing person Because they make an effort to understand you They act like they are on the same page And that is why when you first meet them There is no problem There is no arguments They agree with you on everything They act like you have got so much in common Because they are trying to secure you as their next source of supply They will do whatever it takes to make you feel safe But as time goes by you will begin to notice that hypersensitivity As things naturally go wrong in their relationship Or you make a fault or mistake They become paranoid and hyper-vigilant They become rageful by things out of your control And now you are walking on eggshells You develop this feeling of dread or hesitation to interact with them It puts you in fight or flight mode The stress and anxiety begins to break you down And you don't feel safe anymore You can't be yourself You can't tell them how you feel You can't share your fears or vulnerabilities Your dreams or aspirations And yet you are constantly around them They spend every minute of the day with you Because they don't feel safe They feel like the world is a horrible place And they constantly at risk of danger or harm And when you are around them It gives them the opportunity to protect these feelings onto you And the feelings of unsafety you feel in this relationship Soon begins to affect every aspect of your life You become a nervous wreck You become more hyper-vigilant In a state of extreme alertness Where you are extremely sensitive to your surroundings Always wonder what's going to happen next You are always on edge You are always tense, nervous and irritable Jumping at the sound of a door slamming or a car horn You will begin to see the world as a dangerous place And before you met the narcissist You might have felt safe You might have felt comfortable But when you get involved with a narcissist You will not feel safe Because there's nothing safe about a narcissistic relationship You are in danger You are at risk of harm You will begin to realize That anything you say or do Leads to a dead end and a maze You can't do anything without getting in trouble You can't say anything Without causing another argument Or being accused of something You end up being afraid to speak Because you don't know what to say That won't set them off You can't even be yourself anymore You can't express how you feel It just breaks you down to the point Where you wish you could cry And be open and vulnerable You just want someone to put their arms around you But you know that if you did that The narcissist would invalidate you And minimize your experience They would act like it's not a big deal And you have no reason to feel that way They might make fun of you Or they will play the victim role And act as though their experience is worse Many people don't feel safe in these relationships But they tend to blame themselves They tend to think that there's something wrong with them As though they're at fault They blame themselves Instead of recognizing that this is not right You should feel safe in a relationship You should feel safe in your own home But when you're around a narcissist You can't be vulnerable You hold back your emotions Which is very unhealthy Everyone should have a space where they feel safe Where they feel like they can be themselves But this is something the narcissist will take from you You feel like you're constantly at risk of danger or harm You feel like you can't be yourself without being criticized or judged Without being told that you need to be something else You can't share your thoughts and emotions Which is something that we all deserve It's something we should all have a right to We should all have at least one safe space in our lives And we would hope that it would be where the person we're in a relationship with But when all you've known is unsafety in childhood It can often feel like it doesn't exist Like there is no safe space for you The narcissist may be a danger to you You may be at risk whenever you are around them And you may never find a safe space with them But you need to create a safe space for yourself Whether it's a friend Or just someone you can talk to A space where you can express how you feel Not everyone is like the narcissist Some people will be more than willing to listen to you To understand you To be there for you They will make you feel loved and appreciated Not because they want some of them from you But because that's just who they are They're just being themselves And when you're around those types of people You can be yourself too You can express how you feel Without the fear of being criticised or judged And you may think that this person Should be your relationship partner Or your parent But maybe it isn't Maybe they're just not capable of being that for you But that doesn't mean that you have to be nothing That doesn't mean that you have to remain unheared And feel as though you don't even exist You have to be yourself And feel as though you don't even exist You have a voice You have your own opinions You deserve to be heard And there are people who would be more than happy to listen to you There are people who would be more than happy To give you that safe space that you deserve People who you can be vulnerable around Which will allow you to create a sense of safety Even while you are with the narcissist It may even give you the strength that you need to leave You deserve to feel safe Love is about being safe If you don't feel safe It's not love And a relationship with a narcissist Will never be safe You will always feel at risk of danger or harm And this will affect every aspect of your life Thank you for watching I hope this video wears out with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos Check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurviv.uk Where you can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions and join our support forum If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coaching Inquiries You can email me at coach.narcsurviv.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon