 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live screen for you today our topic the five huge lies men tell them They're more common than you think All right really quickly before we get into this video If you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithm Also, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence So if a f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are my thoughts my opinions my perceptions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself I'm here to shift your perspective because I'm a contrarian and hopefully if it does spark some curiosity from you Maybe you are experiencing a better relationship going forward. All right. Let's jump into those five huge lies guys tell All right before we get into the lies guys tell let's just be real Have you ever heard the phrase once a liar always a liar? Well pretty much that would make every human being on the planet a liar because the reality is is men and women like to lie Sometimes we call them white lies. Sometimes they're significant lies. Sometimes they're sociopathic lies Sometimes it's gaslighting. Sometimes it's defensiveness. We can come up with all kinds of words The reality is is most human beings lie to spare someone's feelings I'm gonna repeat that most human beings lie to spare someone's feelings And this is certainly true in the realm of dating mating and relating And so whether you're you know, this title is maybe a little inflammatory Suggesting that men are bad. That's not the case because what I'm about to share today Quite frankly women do the exact same things as well So let's just own this and let's see what comes out of it through this process because maybe We can start looking at things from a different vantage point I'm gonna repeat that we can start looking at things from a different vantage point And what I mean to say is You know as a dating and relationship coach I see a lot of divide between men and women In fact a lot of dating advice creates tension and divide between men and women Instead of actually bringing people closer It tears people apart because there's this narrative that the masculine is supposed to do this and the feminine is supposed to do that I know I'm going off on a rant here. We're like, what does this have to do with lying I'm here. The reason why I bring this up is I want to encourage a more Compassionate way of dating mating relating. I want to I want to encourage people to approach the process from the perspective of what would love do and how would love respond Instead of the accusatory way oftentimes view the process because the reality is is Most human beings are do the best they can. In fact, I continually say most men are good guys They're just bad daters and I know all of you love the idea of the Chivalrous man that's just going to come claim you and while that is true some of the time a very small percentage of the time The reality is is most humans want companionship connection and sex And yet they're struggling on the inside from from the most common area of they're emotionally stunted or have weak Emotional skills particularly in the areas of communicating their emotions and this isn't just true for men This is absolutely true for women as well. I can tell you as a man out in the dating realm I witness woman after woman after woman who has poor Communication skills when it comes to expressing themselves. In fact, my entire clientele Are women who struggle speaking their truth to a man? Come repeat that a significant percentage of my clientele struggles to speak their truth to a man This is why I if you aren't familiar with my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway chapter one is speak your truth do it with kindness And yet most humans struggle being Vulnerable authentic and transparent Which the inverse of that is oftentimes the idea of being dishonest is that they just don't know how to communicate in a Healthy way. This is why I continually recommend the book non-violent communication by marshal rozenberg Nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg. By the way, check out the link below to jonathan recommends books and my book as well okay If human beings struggle communicating Then the way they they handle it is they grasp for little lies or in some cases big lies because they don't Know how to properly express themselves or there's a fear of hurting someone's feelings So right now we're going to go through some of the five most common lies that men share and let me repeat this women Almost say the exact same things just in a slightly different way. So we're going to put on my trusty glasses We're going to pull out my notes the five huge lies men tell women And they're more common than you think so the first one happens After during a first date the most common one happens during a first date when a man Says i'll call you okay. I'll call you or let's get together again Now here's the thing I mean it's not now this isn't always the case that they're not gonna they're lying about that The challenge is is that When you've met someone you're not that really interested in it's a very awkward moment It's a very awkward moment at the end of the evening not to throw some sort of bone out there Because what if the other person does like you a little bit? You don't want to sit there and say on a first date Hey, look, you know, you're a nice human being but I don't want to see you again That feels very uncomfortable and ladies you've accept when a man has even said would you like to get together again? And you've said yes And you didn't mean it You're you're both lying So I want to have a little compassion in the understanding that this is a very common thing that happens And the only way you know it's legit That I mean legit that they're going to call you is that they actually shoot you a text message later saying Hey, I had a great time. Do you want to get together next week or they actually get on the phone and call you? So it's kind of a toss-up whether or not they're telling the truth or not The reality is is most people not always do this but most people men and women will throw a bone And in many cases they are just like as I said throwing a bone. They're not intentionally lying It's a white lie because it's an uncomfortable thing to tell a person. I really don't want to see you again Now occasionally, let me just piggyback on this Occasionally some people right at the beginning of the first date say this isn't working for them I've seen women do this on a first date. I've seen men do this on the first date and while it can sting a little bit I gotta tell you wouldn't it be great if people were just well Wouldn't be great if they were up front in their online dating profiles to begin with but that's a whole another conversation But isn't it wouldn't it be great to just say look right off the bat? I'm not feeling it In fact if people did that actually right from the get-go They might find that they might actually begin to To spend time with each other with less pressure and actually find that they have more in common that they actually like each other so Just a reminder one of the most common lies that men tell women do this too is I'll call you again Or would you like to get together? Okay number two Now this doesn't happen that often and yet I have heard this a number of times So that's why I wanted to put this in today's category Is men will never share the number of women they've slept with Or if they've used porn if you ask them directly let me repeat that men will rarely I should say never will rarely share the exact number of women they've slept with or if they use porn if you ask them directly Look at if a guy at first off if a guy asked you how many men have you slept with? You would probably find that question a little bit offensive And yet it does get asked both by men and women alike and the reality is is no one wants to fess up to the actual number In fact, I did a survey in my youtube community Asking how many women how many men they've slept with and I was shocked to see how low the number was And I'm not suggesting they weren't telling the truth But I'm here to say men and women alike try to avoid that question as much as possible Because if the number is rather high the impression is going to be that there's something wrong with them that they're a sex addict That they're Are going back even to the use of porn that they are addicted to porn and that may not always be the case And let me just share this Whether it's a emotionally unhealthy man or even a high emotionally healthy man Human beings tell lies. So I've shared like, you know, I if a woman asked me that question point blank point Blank I'm not going to share the number In fact, I will probably skew that number so low that it's like you're the second woman I've ever slept with and I'm just kidding on that one But I'm here to say is men and women will lie alike in this from this particular question and with regards to the porn You know, that's a very sensitive and personal question I guess the follow-up question could be if men ask, well, do you ever fantasize about men when you masturbate? So these are very touchy subjects That oftentimes are predisposed for people to lie a little bit Okay, number three This is actually one I've heard Many a time from men when you hear the phrase Let's take it slow and let's hold off on sex and just become friends first Folks men are predisposed To chase sex. We are just biologically predisposed that way and even I'm in my mid fifties I still have a high libido Now not all men in my age bracket have that I'm grateful that because of exercise and some other things I I'm just grateful that I have that high libido for myself. Anyway, but my point is is, you know Most men we want to jump your bones Whether even if we say the words let's take it slow or not What I'm concerned about and why this is an important thing to be aware of And women oftentimes always will also use the let's take it slow phrase eology Is that it might be a passive aggressive or covert way to convince you that he's safe Now this particular one is a little bit tricky and you should pay attention to it because it might be a covert reason To make you think he's a safe person to be with I'm a little bit on the opposite end I like to be just vulnerable authentic and transparent and I even have said to women on a first date boy I'd like to jump your bones. Now that might be a turn off I oftentimes don't have a filter if you follow my channel here. You recognized. I don't really have much of a filter And here's the thing at least it's authentic It might be tmi, but at least it's authentic. So when a guy says let's take it slow. Let's be friend first I'm not in it for the sex Just be aware that that's oftentimes a covert way to make you feel safe and not necessarily legit Although the older men get men in midlife They tend to be a little less driven by the biology and more driven by their heart So they're more apt to invest more time in getting to know you just recognize though if a man over Actually, I should have said this in the beginning if a man over Emphasizes let's take it slow Let's just be friends or let's not have sex right away if they over emphasize it That's oftentimes an indicator that it's a covert Way of making you feel safe versus a legit so if a guy just says hey, let's just take it slow That's that's actually probably not so that excuse me. That is most likely. Okay. It's if they over emphasize it Okay Number four Oh So this is something men and women alike do is they oftentimes lie about communicating with past lovers I repeat that they lie about communicating with past lovers and Because the reality is is that most people know this is a sensitive subject That you're communicating with someone that was in you were in a past relationship So if you ask the question point blankly point blank Oftentimes people will fib exaggerate or downplay If they're actually communicating with a past lover and women do this too So as I said before this isn't strictly for men. This is women do the same thing too Because the reality is is on some cases you can have a healthy relationship with a past lover I certainly have a healthy relationship with my ex-wife. I have a healthy relationship with my most significant relationship after my divorce When I say healthy relationship, it's not like we're on the phone 24 seven talking to each other We do occasionally catch up with one another and I do that with my ex-spouse as well But I'm talking about Now there's a difference between people who insist Incessantly talk to past lovers Or their past lover is practically their therapist in their life That oftentimes can be a problematic thing. So just remember most human beings are going to fudge or lie a little bit About whether or not they speak to past lovers and number five And men and women do this alike I I was literally talking to a group of women the other day at my jacuzzi And I heard one woman just give an excuse to a guy About why she doesn't want to see him again and men do the same thing too So men oftentimes use the um the excuse of work of being at work As a reason not to see you okay that they're at work Women oftentimes use their children or even work As their reason for not to see you but this is basically code for i'm just not that into you when someone Is overly busy in their life and they use work or their children or some other Drama if you will It's oftentimes simply code for i'm just not that into you. So is it a lie? Well, we can always rationalize our lies. Let me repeat that we can rationalize our lies by saying Well, it's kind of true that i'm busy at work But the reality is is it's simply code for i'm just not that into you men do this women do this This is a very common thing that men and women alike do When they're just not that into you and they use excuses. So are they legit lies? Again, you have to make the decision for yourself All right, so I just outlined five huge lies that men and women share to each other So what's the benefit of knowing all this the reality is is that human beings? They're thirsty for companionship connection and sex or companionship connection and intimacy mostly in the form of physical intimacy And they don't have really healthy skills within themselves to get there This is why ladies if you meet a man who seems excited to want to be with you the best time To establish where's this relationship going is while he's on the hunt for the sex So I highly recommend purchasing two copies of the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman and the reason why is if a man is interested in getting to know you I suggest giving him a copy of this book and say hey Let's read this book together to see if we're actually a good fit for one another Before we go down the road of being in a relationship now ladies A guy who is only in it for the sex He's gone. He won't read the book with you if he's in it for the short run. He's gone Now if he's a needy guy, he will absolutely dive into it and if he's an emotional grown-up He's going to dive into it with you So if a woman came to me and said hey, let's read this book together to determine if we're a good fit with one another I would jump on that if I really like somebody Okay, so ladies the best time to introduce this book as I've always said before the penis goes inside the vagina Get this book Get two copies of this book because you can actually determine The legitimacy of this guy early on and while there are the exceptions to the rule There are some men who are players that might read it with you The reality is is the way the book is set up It's going to kick out the wrong guys really fast and the right guys will start leaning in So this is one of the reasons why I continually recommend books for y'all to read y'all y'all am I from the south y'all to read Because it actually Creates an opportunity for deeper intimacy with one another if you're not familiar with the book oral sex oral sex This is talking and listening your way to a passionate intimacy Intimacy into me you see this is how we establish a healthy happy relationship with one another We can we could actually be not physically intimate with each other But emotionally intimate with each other and this is why I continually encourage everyone To do some of this work ahead of time So you can weed out the wrong guys really quickly and attract the right guys And if you need some support with that Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My area of expertise expertise is teaching you the right questions to ask based on your personality So check out that link to schedule that discovery call with me All right, we're going to jump into the q&a part of our Live stream today. So if you're listening to the recording you won't be able to see this And if you're on live right now, there's a chat box You can post the post if you want to ask me a question write the word question then post the question there after So put the word question colon And then ask your question with a question mark So I know what that's what you're asking Or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat those who know that the Funds for the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund. That's in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's him right there He's my son who passed away a few years ago And in his honor I've created a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development And to donate to personal development workshop So I've given money to the Hoffman process to inside institute Just name it a few and a woman the other day qualified for a scholarship and she got a discount on coaching with me So purchase a super sticker super chat. They're in the little box right there with the dollar sign All right. Let's jump into the questions Actually, we had a question come in uh beforehand. So let me post this Okay Bear with me one second. Here we go all right Question Jonathan I heard another dating coach say men need space to chase you does that really work? Men need space to chase you. Um, does that really work? I love this question And I was listening. I've heard this from many dating coaches both men and women like talking about You need to create space within a within the dynamic of man to create A level of doubt on your part Let me repeat that to create a level of doubt on your part that you're actually interested in and that a man Will chase you when there's that space when there's that tension when you're playing hard to get in fact the book the rules If you've ever heard the book the rules, it's all based on the idea of playing hard to get as a Technique to attract a man Here's what I have to say to all that fucking bullshit Bullshit playing games Never ever ever ever ever works in the long run folks Here's the problem with this notion of creating space to create tension So he chases you or pursues you. Okay. Now. Here's a couple things you must know. So stick around here for a second first off Avoid it personality men People have what's known as avoidant love attachment if you're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine or Rachel Heller. I highly recommend checking this out the book attached. Okay talks about three attachment styles anxious Avoidant and secure. Let me repeat that anxious avoidant secure So if you have a man who has an avoidant personality type and you're playing hard to get and it's the early stages Of a relationship. Here's what's going to happen. He will temporarily chase you To hook you and then he'll go back to his default of being avoidant What that means is it's almost akin to being emotionally unavailable. So while it might temporarily Hook him. He's going to go back to his default unless you have to continually Create space not after you once you're in a relationship with him. You're going to have to continually Create tension. Otherwise. He's gone. Okay. Now. Here's the other thing if it's an emotionally Needy guy, he'll chase you. But let me tell you something. He's going to be so needy You're not going to be attracted to that if he's chasing you the problem with this This particular type of advice it requires you to constantly be playing a game To create to create a healthy happy relationship with someone And I am all against playing games. This is why I continually recommend the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated This is a great book to connect at a heart centered spiritual way with a guy That has nothing to do with game playing the game playing techniques By the way, I've heard dating coaches say, you know, take out go out with your girlfriends and go out of town That will make him miss you folks a guy could temporarily miss you And want to have you but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be in relationship with you full term The healthier way to approach a relationship is not using the space technique or playing hard to get technique I recommend something different and that is the four a's attention affection Appreciation and acceptance attention affection appreciation acceptance and if you need some help learning this I highly highly highly recommend the book by barbara de angel is called making love all the time These are tried and true healthy Healthy healthy ways to create a bond between men and women and ladies. Let me just tell you this I know you love the idea that men are the leaders of the relationship And all you have to do is sit back and you're feminine energy and he will just naturally claim you Folks Let me tell you something. It's not about leaning back It's about leaning into your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence coming back to my book What the heck is self-love anyway? Links below to all the books I recommend folks I want to encourage you to lean into your empowered sovereign self instead of having to use game playing techniques because Listen, it's good to miss someone a little bit When you're intentionally creating tension, so they miss you that will temporarily work But not for the long run and I want you to have a healthy happy long-term relationship So again, I invite you to look at this dynamic from the eyes of What would love do and how would love respond? And you know what love does and what love responds? It invites everybody to be vulnerable Authentic and transparent. Let me repeat that vulnerable authentic and transparent That is how we're going to build healthier happier relationships. And that's again why I continually recommend the book eight dates by dr. Julie Gottman because if you want to have a healthy happy relationship It's time to be an adult in relationship And I'm going to wrap up this one segment with another book You should check out how to be an adult in relationship All right, we covered a lot so going back to the original question. Should you you use space to get a guy to really chase you? Hell no No, no, no All right, does that make sense? All right. Hope it does. Thanks for that question. I really appreciate it all right I noticed some super stickers are super chat. So let's uh Stacy just said no question. Just a donation to your son's fund. Thank you so much I really appreciate that's very sweet of you Stacy Also, I want to thank uh bump bump bump bump bump Nunya Nunya business. Thank you for the super sticker. Very sweet of you guys. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it Leaf says attention affection and appreciate attention affection wait Attention affection Appreciation and acceptance leaf. Let's get that acceptance in there All right. I saw a question earlier. So bear with me Bump bump bump. Let's go swimming. Oh, we got lots of questions unlike the other day Oh boy, I have to scroll up. Okay Mindy writes What does it mean when a man doesn't want to label your relationship and informs you that you're You're the only woman he is talking with you. He doesn't want to label it You know what I've heard this thing before I can't stand this whole thing About men who say I don't want to label the relationship. Look it My telephone has a label. It's a samsung My book has a label called what the heck it's called a book. It's a label You know, we have to identify it's it's healthy to identify the dynamic with a label So are we dating or is it strictly dating? Are we in a relationship? Are we monogamous? Are we exclusive? Are we committed? Those are words, but they're also labels to help identify what it is we're doing in this relationship So when a man says I don't want to put a label That's because he doesn't want to now he might say I'm going to be monogamous and exclusive with you But what he's also trying to do is look I don't necessarily want to commit all of myself to you believing that this is going to go somewhere I'm repeat. I don't want to commit all of myself to you having you believe this is going to go somewhere In other words, this this dynamic has a destination. So they avoid Talking about the really important stuff and folks. I'm here to say If your vagina is receiving a penis, okay You have every right to ask deeper questions to determine if you're on the same page I'm gonna repeat that if the penis gets gets allowed to go inside the vagina You have every right to ask questions To determine if you're on the same page if you're like me I'm seeking a fully committed relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life and intimacy Both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either getting married or living together That's the standard of what I'm looking for now. Everybody is different Some of you are happy with friends with benefits. Some are you happy with casual relationships? Some of you happy with Situationships some of you are only capable of giving very little because you're raising children You've got a busy life So you may not be able to fit in the for example what I'm looking for and that's okay If two people are on on different pages like if someone only wants to see me once every other week And I said three or four days and nights a week together. We're a mismatch That's not what I'm looking for So I invite you to decide what you're looking for in a relationship and then ask the tougher questions To determine if you're on the same page and the best time to do that Is before the penis goes inside the vagina folks. I can't tell you how many women email me continually Three months six months into a relationship going. I don't know if we're in a committed relationship Men are going to try to avoid that question. Let me refrain that Men who are emotionally unhealthy Men who don't know what they want will try to avoid that question So why do you let his dick go inside of you? If he's avoiding some level of commitment with you I'm here to scream at the top of my lungs and I know some people get angry that I scream But it's like you're about to touch fire. Stop. Stop. Stop. That's why I'm yelling I want to encourage you to talk Right up front as early as you can to decide if you're on the same page and you're traveling down a two lane street Does that make sense? Tell me if that makes sense by giving me a thumbs up or saying amen So I want to thank Mindy for that question. Great. Great question. Thank you so much Okay Claudia says how do you make it official without scaring him before going to bed? How do you make it official? Again, I just literally said that in the previous one Purchase two copies of this book Folks, it's not about making it official. It's about figuring out if you're on the same page Why is this so hard for you women? Why do you give your power away to men? Why do you give your power away to men folks? If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg And I know most of you are look at this the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline It says attraction and below the waterline There's shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and that says compatibility folks You continually expect men to lead the dating process Which basically means you're giving your power away to men. Are you not familiar with my seven ways women give their power away to men? number one The relationship is on his terms Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth with him Number three when the relationship ends it's all about him. Him. Him. It's all about him. It's all about him It's all about him. It's all about him Look inward. It's about you Number four, you're waiting for him to always initiate contact. It's always about him initiating contact folks It's a two lane street Number five, you stop doing your pre relationship life before him You're feeling like you can't live without him and then you feel like he's the only one I can ever have chemistry with by the way The average man and woman today has had at least on average If you're in midlife, if you're in midlife, which is after baby making years before retirement So if you're 42 to 69, that's the audience I speak to the average person has had five significant Five relationships of three months or longer and they've had at least two to three significant relationships. So look at you know, you Oh, well, I'm gonna go off on another tangent. I'm gonna leave it the way it is folks Ladies in particular Stop giving your power away to men be in charge of your relationship destiny It is not a man's job to lead the dating process. It's a it's a two lane street It's a co-creative process and if you're not familiar with the book spiritual partnership by gary zuka I highly recommend ordering this book so you can learn how to be more in a co-creative space along with the book I mentioned this before if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because this is going to generate better results for you Then the old way of doing it you mean the old way of jonathan What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over again and expecting different results because ladies Magic fairy dust doesn't change a dysfunctional relationship Only you can change your relationship destiny by being intentional by loving on yourself and asking right up front Are we on the same page? Are we on the same page to start asking those questions early on again? Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you All right. Um, thank you claudia for that question. I really appreciate it All right. I'm gonna scroll to the bottom now. What do we got here? Wow, we got lots of conversation going Um Bear with me. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming You have a question post the word question They write the question after there or purchase a super stick or super chat captain says amen Vivian gives me a thumbs up jane says amen Kitty cat says amen none your business gives me a thumbs up. Thank you so much All right We uh, I see some questions here bear with me everyone. Oh heather cash has a question question How can I get my guy to look at look into bpd so that he can understand why I get I get the way I do Uh, and I I do and I ended up causing us to break up and he won't believe me about the circumstances So heather, this is a great question Now I actually interestingly did a google search and I found out it's borderline personality disorder Women suffer from borderline personality disorder far more than men. Let me repeat that women suffer from borderline personality disorder Far more than men men probably suffer, you know, there are men that suffer from sociopathic behavior Narcissistic behavior from when I understand is relatively equal between men and women borderline personality disorder It tends to be more female oriented. At least this is what I did a brief search on so I am by no means an expert in this area. This is a tough one. Um, if you are oh You know what my podcast booking agents scout agency If you google scout agency, she wrote a book called the um the emotional entrepreneur the emotional entrepreneur she openly admits she has borderline personality disorder And she's married very happily married now She's very aware of her disorder and how it shows up the sad realities Is very few people are even aware they have person borderline personality disorder But the good news is you're aware of it. Okay great. That's awesome that you're aware of it And if you're aware of how it manifests With any man you're with you can actually so I wouldn't probably develop. Well, here's the tricky part Okay, one of the fundamentals of emotional maturity is that you're transparent you're transparent with one another so I would prefer someone tell me before we have sex or before we engage in a relationship with one another that they had bpd I would prefer that for myself If I like the then I would then I would be prepared in advance To all the possible questions they might have or I would be prepared to address how it manifests itself how you're aware of it and how you both can work together To navigate this that's the most important piece Is is I would be upfront very early on I would describe how it manifests itself in relationship Um and come up with a game plan of how to address it When something comes up now from what I understand borderline is one minute. They love you and the next minute. They hate you I had a friend of mine who had a mother like that. Oh my god The poor I remember watching this growing up His mother was a loving human being and she would snap and turn And boy was the rat. I mean have you ever heard the term hell half no fury like a woman? Scorned well hell half not a woman like whose whose light bulb just switched and that's what borderlines do One minute. They're this way and the next minute. They are some completely different person It is the true Jekyll and Hyde My instincts tell me they're probably more Gemini. Are you Gemini? I'm just kidding The duality. Sorry not to make a laughing moment out of it But I'm here to say my invitation for you is to be upfront Express as I said before how this shows up have a game plan And you know what the right guy if he really likes you he'll lean in the wrong guy He might move out But I will say this if you're aware you're ahead of the game. Check out scout agency scout agency She wrote the book. I think it's called the emotional entrepreneur That might give you some insight because she talks about it. Oh and she has a podcast called hay sis Hay sis. So scout agency. All right. Great question. Heather. Thank you so much All right Let's see what else we have today Again, if you have a question, oh Logan, thank you so much for the super sticker I really appreciate it. Give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug If you want one of my Jonathan bear hugs purchase a super sticker super chat right now I'm gonna give you a big hug through the computer. Thank you so much All right Um Let's see question. Jesse has a question Question gave my number to a guy who showed a lot of interest in me walked with me flirted asked questions And he texted a week later when we talk he mentioned how all women are jealous And what is your question? Jesse? I don't see I don't see an actual question. So oh, here we go Okay, uh question is continue woo boundary check. What was that all about all women are jealous. Okay You know what? We men like to throw out little trial balloons or trial boundary We try to push boundaries to see how someone reacts women do this Men do this. So when a man says, you know, what was the thing he says all women are jealous So what he's looking for is how do you react to that question? Now most people like if a woman said to me, you know, all men are narcissists Well, then I'm going to probably try to describe why I'm not a narcissist But when someone says that that's kind of a turnoff to me and I can suspect that's probably a turnoff to you as well Someone who says that Here's the bottom line Okay, he's testing a boundary. He's throwing up a trial balloon. He's testing you Are you guys getting along? Do you like each other's company? Are you communicating in a healthy way? Is it fun to be with him or is this just a bore because does it really matter this one little thing? He says Okay, I say folks. I say all kinds of shit. I put my foot in my mouth All day long. I you have no idea how often I put my foot in my mouth in ways with my friends In the dating process is emotionally mature as some of you think I am which I am completely I am wounded like all of you. I've got my shit like all of you. I got my problems like all of you and I Many times put my foot in my mouth like many of you. I said all of you I should say let me retract that many of you the bottom line is this You have to look at somebody from the big picture from the big picture and not the small picture So again little things add up. I agree, but I wouldn't take that as an absolute red flag It just simply means asking questions By the way before I wrap up this one my my mug says swear a little you'll feel better. That's why I curse a lot so I can feel better Great question on that one. I thank you so much. Jesse. I really appreciate it All right, we have time for one or two more questions before we wrap up tonight. Boo Baker says The question the guy I like has slipped into a major depression and has completely shut down Should I move on or continue to emotionally support him? He stopped talking to me and he's off social media Oh, great question. So if I understand correctly, this is a man you like and not a man you're dating. Okay Let's differentiate something folks Let's differentiate because I know a lot of you guys say things that are so fucking confusing It drives me nuts. So why I'm yelling right now. Please forgive me is that If you're actively dating someone you're seeing each other two or three days a week. You're having sex together You're doing stuff and they're going through depression Part of the the bargaining process of unconditional love is accepting someone where they're at And certainly when someone isn't a major funk of depression. Look at folks Look at there's a picture of my son Conor Asley He passed away three years ago. Do you think I was in a major funk and depression and melancholy for a while? Yeah, I was does that mean I wasn't capable of being in a relationship not necessarily I certainly wasn't in the mood to date. There's a big difference But certainly if I was in a relationship with a woman, I'd want her to be supportive of me During this period of time But if you're just starting to date someone you're just and they're in the midst of depression You're like on the first second or third date. Um, I prefer to date people who have a healthy Ground they have a solid foundation of a ground underneath them Versus an unhealthy or dysfunctional one. So where are you at in the dating process? Is he your boyfriend of three years or is it a guy that you like at the gym and you'd like to see him? You know what you got to make that choice for yourself Okay, so I invite you to kind of define where it's at and that might help you All right Again, if you want to purchase a super sticker super chat, there's a little dollar sign at the bottom of the chat box And that's directly in relationship to leave. So thank you so much All right, we got time for one more question. Sherry says jonathan great topic tonight. Thank you so much Um melanie says the super sticker is at the bottom. That's right Uh, let's see if we have any Bump bump bump. Oh urgent question. Gina urgent urgent urgent I need jonathan cyber hugs. So how do I purchase one of your super stickers the little dive? But i'm gonna give you one anyway. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it All right, nicole writes question, you know Someone likes you when they're worried about not connecting with you on facebook They give you their number. Is that a sign? He likes you Let me read that one more time. You know, someone likes you when they're worried about not connecting with you on facebook They give you their number. Is that a sign? He likes you? Well, it sounds like a sign. First off, folks I'm a big believer Of stalking people on social media. Let me repeat that stalking people on social media What I mean to say is I think it's listen We're meeting total strangers these days when it comes to dating mating or relating And this is why I'm a big proponent of doing a little intel a little research about them And that includes looking up their instagram account their facebook account Maybe their twitter account just to get a sense of who they are oftentimes Listen, most folks facebook account is like their own national inquirer. They put they vomit their life on social media Men not not as much as women women tend to do it more so although Men do it as well, but at least it gives you some insight into the person when you can look up their social media account So when someone's interested in your social media account It's also trying to get insight into who you are because we're strangers with one another Folks, it's so hard to determine If we share the same values if our lifestyles are blendable and if there is emotional maturity So a little bit of information helps feel safer with one another I'm going to repeat that a little bit of information helps people feel safer with one another And so I'm a big proponent of stalking people. I say jokingly stalking But check out their social media accounts so you can get a little insight into who they are Okay, hope that helps Thank you for that question And I want to thank jena for the super sticker. Is that uh Where is it? There we go. Thank you for the super stick. I really appreciate it And there's your hug everyone if you purchase super sticker before we end you're gonna get a big gigantic jot the bear hug from me And connor asley fun. Thanks you so much All right, we're gonna take one more question. Oops melanie Is age just a number does maturity override age is age just a number No, age is not just a number folks. Let's get fucking real when someone is You know when someone's 60 years old You know the statistic like the average uh Age of americans. I think is 79 years. So that means they have 19 years of life left That's not an absolute because oh wait, I want to show everyone a picture real quickly Um Here's a picture of my 96 year old dad My oh wait, I got to show you this one. This was just taken the other day 96 year old dad having a martini Okay 96 Fuck me. I mean he might hit 100. There's a picture of my mom and dad right there My mom passed away at 88. Uh, they were married six just shy of 66 years before my mother passed away But my point is if someone's 60 Statistically speaking they only have 19 years of life. That's a lot different than someone. There's 40 that has 40 or 39 years of life left in them. So age isn't just a number Now the other thing about age isn't just a number the older you are the more set in the ways you become So let's not be naive and make age out to not be a big deal age is a big deal A from the longevity of life And also so what you want to look for if you're going to date someone older is do they take care of themselves? Do they eat healthy? Do they have a healthy regimen in their life? Because who wants to invest? You know start dating someone who doesn't take good care of themselves. I'm saying you can um But that's but I'm saying human beings judge based on age and part of the reason is they don't take good care of themselves Or they become set in their ways. Okay. This is why men oftentimes choose younger women And this is why women are choosing younger men. This is why a lot of people in their 60s They're criss-crossing each other because the men are choosing younger women and the women are choosing younger men And they're dating in their own age bracket Not that and that's not an absolute. I'm saying that tongue-in-cheek Age is not just a number. It is a fact of life just like the rings to a tree Okay for every year we've been on this planet We're one year closer to maybe us not being on this planet and although there are no guarantees. I'm here to say What's most important at least from my purview is a How rigid are you in your thinking because a lot of people the older they are they're setting their ways and b Do you take physically good care of yourself? That's the way I look at age But that's just my opinion. Let me know your thoughts on that post a comment Some of you might not have agreed with me right there And by the way again, my father is the exception to the rule and I hope he lives to be a hundred Ava says jib your dad a great big hug. My father lives in istanbul turkey He that's where he grew up and that's where he wanted he wanted his last years of life to be So there's a good chance. I might not see my father ever again Um, I was hoping covid didn't happen, but nonetheless Lillian says h does matter Jesse says ah, thanks for the response kelly. Um I'm 46 and I'm still I'm gonna staying till I'm a hundred. There you go Nicole says amen Thank you All right, folks. It's Friday night. I think it's time that I'm gonna wrap up today. I'm getting together with my best mates Uh, it's my best friend's birthday today. He's we share the same age I by the way, I'm perpetually 49 for the rest of my life. So, uh, is age just a number? Anyway, I want to thank you all for the super stickers super chats Thank you so much for the support to the connor asley scholarship fund I want to thank you so much. I hope you found value in this live stream today And if you're listening to the recording, I want to express appreciation. Please share this with your friends Please tell people about my youtube channel. Check out the links below to the below to the books. I recommend my podcast Schedule coaching with me or you can check out if you can't afford coaching check out the link to my membership group called midlife love mastery All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job to bear out of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank sherry and kitkat and melanie and kk And vivian and nicole and all you wonderful folks that ask questions from the bottom of my heart Thank you so much. Wishing you a fab weekend. Bye. Bye now