 Now, new creamy prom, the first and only permanent with homogenized waving cream, and deep magic. New facial cleansing lotion that cleans your skin deep, deep down where beauty begins, present Armist Brooks, starring Eve Orton. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Armist Brooks Transcribed. But first, ordinary home permanents use thin, drippy waving solutions like this. They often leave your hair dry and frizzy, hard to manage, but not anymore, because now you have new creamy prom. It's creamy, creamy, creamy. New creamy prom, the first permanent with homogenized waving cream. Yes, a thick waving cream, rich with costly conditioning ingredients. That's why new creamy prom actually waves new softness and manageability right into your hair. Your hair softer, more manageable, in better condition than any other permanent you ever had. New creamy prom leaves your hair soft as a whisper, soft as a whisper. I guarantee your hair never combed so soft, behaved so beautifully after a brand new permanent, because only new creamy prom has homogenized waving cream to wave new softness and manageability right into your hair. And prom's homogenized waving cream makes it so easy. There's no dripping, no rinsing, no timing, no messy neutralizer. Just smooth it on, roll it up, you've got yourself a prom. Get new creamy prom in the brand new package. And even if you're between permanents, don't wait to try prom's homogenized waving cream. Get the new creamy prom end curl kit right now. Creamy, creamy prom. Well, bigger and better playgrounds are an important issue in most communities throughout the country. Madison High School, where Armist Brooks teaches English, recently volunteered to help its local Chamber of Commerce collect funds for this worthy cause. That's why our beloved principal, Osgood Conklin, called us into his office early Friday morning. Us consisted of Mr. Boynton and myself as faculty advisors, Walter Denton, the student who runs the school paper, and Harriet Conklin, the student who runs Walter Denton. As soon as we were all seated, Mr. Conklin addressed us. We are here to discuss a project which is near and dear to my heart, children's playgrounds in this community. I'm sure I cannot overemphasize the importance of the little ones in our present day civilization. We've got enough little ones. But the Chamber of Commerce wants us some big playgrounds. If that was intended as a witticism, Denton, it missed the mark. Oh, I don't know. I thought it had a certain amount of... Quiet, Mr. To help raise money for this worthy project, we are holding a charity auction in our gym at four o'clock this afternoon. However, due to a very poor publicity campaign handled by Denton, not very many people know about it. What I want from you all now are suggestions to stimulate public interest in our auction and bring out a big crowd of bidders. Perhaps we could take some spot announcements on the radio. Yes, that would reach a lot of people. Oh, Miss Brooks, have you any idea what a 30-second spot announcement costs? Well, we don't have to buy 30 seconds. We could take about five and say something quick, like, today auction Madison High School. But, Miss Brooks, that sounds as if we're auctioning off the school. Is that bad? I mean, if the object is just to lure people over... Any feasible suggestions? I have an idea, Mr. Conklin. Undoubtedly. How about you, Harriet? Can you think of anything? I think we should mend me a graph of some hand bills and pass them out door to door during lunch period. A lot of us kids could take different neighborhoods and really plaster the town. Excellent, Harriet. Yes, indeed. This town hasn't been plastered in years. I really think the hand bills will do the trick, Daddy. So do I, Harriet. Mr. Boynton, do you concur? Too infrequently. I'd like to discuss something now that we all seem to have overlooked, Mr. Conklin. Namely, if our auction is to be a success, we lack one fairly important item. What's that? Something to auction off. A very cogent observation. However, the members of the student body were asked to bring their parents' donations to school this morning and leave them just outside the classrooms. You, Miss Brooks, will be in charge of augmenting these donations. Me? But, Mr. Conklin, I've got other things to do which will take place tonight. Tell the truth, Miss Brooks. Is there anything as important as raising money for children's playground? Yes, sir. Raising children for the playground. Hey, you hear that, Mr. Boynton? When are you gonna... Quiet, Walter. Look, Mr. Conklin, I want to help in this campaign. And you're going to? See, I know where we might be able to get some more merchandise for the auction from Mr. Jessup. He's a pretty good friend of my dad's. Oh, you mean J.D. Jessup, the big real estate man? Yes, sir. He's the biggest philanthropist in this part of the country. Contributes to everything and anything. Oh, he's a natural-born sucker for a worthwhile cause. Charmingly put, Walter. And do get in touch with Mr. Sucker. Ah, Jessup. Now, Mr. Boynton, you will see to it that the auction tables are set up in the gym. Yes, sir. Mr. Brooks, with the assistance of my daughter, will inspect the merchandise outside the classrooms and jot down the approximate value of each object prior to the auction. But, Mr. Conklin, why do I have to go through all that? Because in addition to obtaining more material for this affair, I have also decided to put you in charge of auctioning it up. A meeting's adjourned. Oh, but, sir, I... I said, meeting's adjourned. Good day all. Bye, Daddy. Hey, that's quite an honor, Daddy, conferred on you, Miss Brooks. Just think, you're head auctioneer. Yes, and we both know whose head I'd like to auction off first. Oh, over here, Miss Brooks. Hmm, one broken lamp. One pretty beat-up coffee pot. And look at this, a used money belt. Ah, Mr. Boynton made a donation. Well, it's not much of a haul so far, but I'd better jot it all down anyway. What's this? A box of Christmas tree ornaments. That's timely. One woolen sock, a busted harmonica, and here's one ice skate. One ice skate? That'll be for the fellow who gets the one sock. Oh, we've got to do better than this. Well, Daddy would have donated some things in self-miss books, but we traded in all our old furniture for the stuff that's going into our new house. Oh, that's right. You're moving soon, aren't you? Mm-hmm, late this afternoon. I'm sure Daddy'll invite you over as soon as we're settled. Well, your mother might, but not your Daddy. He's been angry at me all week, Harriet. That's why he's piling all this extra work on me to get even. To get even for what? A slight accident that occurred in his office on Monday. He asked me to cut the price tag off a new umbrella he'd bought. And? I took a scissors and went after it. Unfortunately, my hand slipped and I cut a nick in the material of the umbrella. How big a nick? Two yards. To put a little more excitement into this auction, Miss Brooks needs a real sure-selling item like, well, like new deep magic facial cleansing lotion. What woman can resist deep magic? It not only cleans your skin up to three times cleaner than soaps or creams, it actually protects your skin, keeps it soft and smooth, even in the coldest winter weather. You see, deep magic is different. It's a gentle flowing lotion cleanser with a special softening ingredient. Deep magic cleans deeper, deep deep down where beauty begins, and it leaves behind an invisible protection like nature's own. So remember, for gentle deep cleansing and gentle protection, use deep magic facial cleansing lotion. No other cleansing method leaves your skin so clean and clear, so soft and radiant. Deep magic, the cleansing lotion that cleans your skin, deep, deep down where beauty begins, deep magic. Tell what with rounding up additional donations for the charity bazaar and doing a little teaching on the side, I had quite a busy morning. When lunch period rolled around, I was still in the collecting mood, so I decided to have lunch with Mr. Boynton, a collector's item if I ever saw one. Oh, here's a nice table for the window, Miss Brooks. Oh, good. Now we can throw the food away without any trouble. Oh, it isn't as bad as it was. I think the food's picked up. I know. They don't want you to step in it. Well, the gym is all set up for the auction this afternoon. Well, I'm glad you reminded me, Mr. Boynton. You know, some of the donations are in pretty good shape. There may be some real bargains on the block this afternoon. Well, I could use a couple of things for my apartment. When you inspected the stuff this morning, you didn't run across a pair of andirons, did you? As a matter of fact, I did. I don't know who donated them, but they look almost brand new. Gee, maybe I could pick them up reasonably at the auction. Well, why wait? We can go look at them right after lunch. And if you like them, we'll have a one-man auction, and I'll see that you get them for a fair price. But Miss Brooks, would that be fair to the general public? Oh, haven't you heard? They've got andirons. Have you seen stretch not grass anywhere, Harriet? No, Daddy. I haven't. I told that dummy to bring lunch to my office 20 minutes ago. Please, Daddy. That's no way to talk about medicine, star athlete. He may be a star athlete, but it's his brain that needs the exercise. Calm down, Daddy. I'm going into the cafeteria now, and I'll see what's keeping him. Oh, before I go, Daddy, I just talked to Mother on the phone, and she told me all the living room furniture has been delivered to the new house. She says she just knows you're going to love it. Mother has such wonderful taste, don't you think? Obviously. She married me. One more thing, Daddy. The store made a mistake and delivered our andirons to the school here instead of the new house. They're right outside your office now. Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Ring them home with you after school. They're awfully pretty, Daddy. Come on, take a look at them. Well, there's nothing better to do while I'm waiting for that dunderhead. Here they are. Aren't they pretty? Oh, they're all right, I guess. Mother paid $12 for them. Say, they're pretty. Well, I'd better get into the cafeteria. I'll send Stretch in with your lunch as soon as I find him. See you later, Daddy. Very well, Harriet. I'll be in my office. Why, everything has to happen all at once. I'll never know of all the days to be moving. This is the most inconvenient. Let's see now. Where are those andirons I saw this morning? Are these them? Yes, those are them. These are those. Yep, them's the andirons, all right. How do you like them? Perfect. They're just what I had in mind. Good. Tell you what I'm going to do. Step in a little closer, bud. What have I offered for these lovely andirons? How about 50 cents? This boy is closer than I thought. I've got 50. Do I hear more? Not from me. Boy, I'd give 75 cents for these myself. Well, I'll make it 80. Now you're talking. I've got 80 cents. 80 I've got. Going once for 80, going twice for 80. I'll bid 85 cents. That's the spirit. I've got 85... You're not in this, Mr. Conklin. I'm not. No, sir. Mr. Boynton needs these andirons, and, well, I think 80 cents is a fair price. And so do I, Miss Brooks, considering that I just paid $12 for them. $12? Well, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Conklin. We didn't know they were yours. That's quite all right, Boynton. But just to be on the safe side, I'll take them with me. Now I'd better get back into my office before Miss Brooks sells my socks. We just need one. Well, folks, hello, Mr. Conklin. I've got your lunch. Well, it's about time Snotgrass come with me. I'm terribly sorry about the andirons, Mr. Conklin. They were so much stuff in the hall. There was no way for me... I know, Boynton. Put everything on my desk, Snotgrass. Yes, sir. Here's your coffee. I put sugar and cream in it, and I'm sure it's just the way you like it. I'm sure it is, except that I ordered tea with lemon. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Conklin. I'll change it. Never mind. Where's my sandwich? Oh, here it is. Bacon and tomato on whole wheat, wasn't it? Yes, it was stretch, and I suppose that's why you brought me peanut butter on gluten bread. Gosh, Mr. Conklin, I must have got confused. Want me to take it back? No, it's too late now. I'll eat it. But before you leave, I have another errand for you. You could save me a lot of trouble if you would take these andirons over to my new house. The address is 616 Anderson Avenue. Is that clear, stretch? Yes, sir. You want me to take these... What are they again? Andirons. You want me to take these andirons over to your new house that... What was that address again? 616 Anderson Avenue. It's very simple if you associate andirons with Anderson Avenue, you see? Oh, sure. You want me to take these andirons over to... I'll write out there, please. There we are, there. Now then, put it in your pocket and don't lose it. Okay, Mr. Conklin. By the way, Snodgrass, Mrs. Conklin may be out shopping, so just leave the andirons on the front floor. Yes, sir. Hi, you stretch. Oh, boy, what a deal I just made with Mr. Jessup. Who's he, Walter? He's the big philanthropist. He is? Yeah, he owns real estate all over this town. And he just told me that one of his houses is being torn down in a few days to make room for the new freeway. Oh, that's too bad. No, it isn't. Instead of selling the furniture in it to a secondhand store, Mr. Jessup's donating it to our charity bazaar. He said we could help ourselves to anything we want. Oh, that's good. Now, you've got to do me a favor, Stretch. I have to get some lunch now, and I want you to find Miss Brooks and ask her to make arrangements to have that furniture picked up. The address is 211 Ironside Avenue. 211 Ironside Avenue. Yeah, I wrote it on this slip of paper. Here, I'll put it in your pocket so you don't lose it. Hey, but, Walter... I sure appreciate you're doing this for me, Stretch. See you later. Hey, wait a minute. Gosh, no, he's got everything mixed up. Let's see. Mr. Conklin's new address is on this slip of paper. Where is it? What was it Mr. Conklin said again? Associate. And Irons? Ironside. Yeah, that's it. Sure, the And Irons go to 211 Ironside Avenue. We pick up the furniture at 616 Anderson Avenue. Armist Brooks will return in a moment. Any school folks listening? Now, how about your allowance? Wish you could buy more of the bigger things you want? Well, it can if you say for them. Put part of your allowance away regularly in United States saving stamps. By savings as simple as ABC. Just listen. Your saving stamp album. Get one from the person in charge of stamps at your school. Then buy a saving stamp or two for it regularly, every week. Your first bond. Yes, before long, your album will be full. And you can exchange it for a United States savings bond. All your own. To save for the important things ahead. Now, C could stand for your collection of savings bonds. All save for those bigger things you've wanted. That bicycle. That good camera. Or maybe even your college education. And remember, series E savings bonds pay back $4 at maturity for every three. You'll have extra dollars to add to your own. Yes, saving can be simple and fun too. Sign up for savings at school now. Buy United States savings stamps and bonds. Well, at 3.30 that afternoon, Miss Brooks and Stretch Snotgrass picked up a van full of what was presumably Mr. Jessup's furniture at 616 Anderson Avenue. The only fly in the ointment was that 616 Anderson Avenue happened to be Mr. Conklin's new house and Mrs. Conklin had just purchased the furniture. At 4.30 the auction began at school. Going once, going twice. Sold to the gentlemen in the Derby for $1.75. And now folks will have a brief intermission. Why are you doing that, Miss Brooks? We still got a whole bunch of furniture at auction off. Well, I'm just stalling, Walter. I'm hoping some bigger spenders will drop in. I think it's a shame to let a beautiful rug like that last one go for $1.75. Me too, Mrs. Davis. And I hated to sell that lovely piano for 1950. I'll just have to get higher bids on the remaining items. Oh, Miss Brooks. Yes, Mr. Biden? What would I have to offer you on that red plush love seat? Just a little encouragement. Oh, oh, you mean money. Well, that's hard to tell, Mr. Biden. I have an idea how we can get higher bids, Connie. Why don't I act as sort of a shill? A shill? What I'll do is just stimulate the bidding a little. Well, it is for a good cause. Hello, Miss Brooks, everybody. I trust the money is pouring into the till. Frankly, Mr. Conklin, it's just drizzling in. I'm waiting for Harriet's hand bills to show a little better results. Have a seat and make yourself at home, won't you? Well, that should be easy, Miss Brooks. As I look at this furniture about me, I feel as if I am at home. I'll take that lamp, for example. It's almost an exact duplicate of one my wife bought last week. Costs over $40. What did that one go for, may I ask? Seven and a half. Seven and a half? That is a bargain. And now then, in as much as this project is so close to my heart, I think I should participate. I'll take that red plush love seat, for example. It would be a perfect match for what I have at home. Paid $150 for it. Put it up for auction right now, Miss Brooks. Oh, but, Mr. Conklin, this is intermission. Just for our little group. Those others seem quite lethargic anyway. But it's supposed to be a public auction, Mr. Conklin. Well, we're the public, aren't we? Mrs. Davis, Denton, Mr. Boynton, that'll be plenty. How much money do you have, Denton? $2. Fine, fine. How much have you got, Mr. Boynton? About $45. Somebody died? Well, let's begin, Miss Brooks. Put up the love seat. I'll start the bidding. I bid $3. She already, I'm shut out of the bidding. I kind of had my eye on that, too. I'll offer $5. Going, going. $10. $15. Going, going. $25. $35. Bought it. $45. Bought it. $46. I bid $47. Wait a minute. How can you bid $47? I'm loaning my two bucks to Mr. Boynton. They're not doing me any good. I'll put an end to this bidding right now. I bid $50. Yes, sir. I bid $50 for this lovely red plush love seat. Going once, going twice. $55. Where did that come from? Oh, oh, it's you, Mrs. Davis. Well, if you bid $55, I guess I'll have to bid... $65. $75. $80. $85. I've got $85. Going once, going twice. Last chance. Let's have another bid, or this gentleman gets it for $85. Going, going. Remember, folks, in addition to this beautiful love seat, I'm throwing in absolutely free a box of cracker jack. $86. I bid $100, and that is my final offer. $110. I bid $110. Going, going. Come, come. I'll have to sell it to Mrs. Davis unless I get a higher bid. Going, going. $150. You can't do that, Mrs. Davis. You're bidding against yourself. What's the difference? I'm just a shill. What? I demand that we revert back to my last bid of $100. Sold to Mr. Conklin. Fine. Now, let's see, what else have we here? Oh, there's quite a bit of stuff, sir. Thanks to Mr. Jessup's generosity. Why, we practically cleaned out that house of his at 616 Anderson Avenue. Well, Jessup has the true American spirit. The spirit of benevolence and charity. So prevalent throughout this glorious nation, from the rock-bound coast of Maine to the sunny shores of 616 Anderson Avenue. Oh, please, Mr. Conklin. I know you're patriotic, sir, but I've never seen your face turn red, white, and blue before. Miss Brooke, how did you get into that house? Oh, it was easy. Stretched snodgrass, and I just kicked in a few windows. Did you now? Well, I... Mr. Conklin, I got to talk to you right away, Miss Brooke. Well, couldn't it wait stretch? I'm rather busy at the moment. Yeah, but I just saw Harriet Conklin. I found out we made a little mistake. That wasn't Mr. Jessup's house we took the furniture out of. It wasn't? Then whose house was it? Shall we dance? Mr. Conklin, it was your house. Well, there's only one way to settle this. Gather round, folks. Gather round. What am I bid for me and stretch snodgrass? Miss Brooke, starring E. Barton, France Rodner, produced and directed by Larry Burns, written by Joe Quillen and Al Lewis with the music of Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. And now, once again, here is E. Barton. During the next few weeks, you'll be hearing quite a bit about an apple for the teacher. The growers up in Washington State have even sent my picture to thousands of markets throughout the country. So go in and buy the apples, because it's hard to eat the pictures. The apples are delicious. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooke.