 In light of Chimera's recent insubordination and objectively horrid treatment of my favorite orange blob, I will be subjecting SCP-131, the iPods, to a three-hour showing of the three Stooges. All of that eye-gouging? It's like a horror movie to them. What's a little emotional trauma between friends, Chimera? What happened if we took a D-class, put him on the moon, and then made him look at a picture of the shy guy's face? Although we haven't tested this particular experiment, and we're not going to, my theory goes a little bit like this. The Incredible Hulk is indestructible, 096 is indestructible, the Incredible Hulk smashes through walls and everything, 096 smashes through walls and everything, the Incredible Hulk can jump out of Earth's orbit, 096 be sitting in his steel box, crying and doing squats, getting ready for the day. I wouldn't be surprised if, ahhhhhhh, it's just 096 for you. Put the gun down. We don't want to have to hurt you. Sorry, I don't want to have to hurt you. D-5175, you have been cleared to approach the spatial anomaly. Head up to the statue, you'll be teleported, and our cameras will tell us what's on the other side. Switching modes. Redempted. Redempted. Redempted. Redempted. You wanted to join the Mobile Task Force, I need to see if you have what it takes. Quit being a baby and work the problem. Finally. We read you. Lamar. Shit. Keep your eyes open. They're coming. Fuck like that. Keep your eyes open. All you eat is candy, candy, candy. Try a muffin. It's a little healthier. Sheesh. What? Are you gluten intolerant or something? I guess I'll just stick with the candy. My father is going to prison because of taxed-frog, who is taxed-frog? Why is my father going to prison because of him? I will find you taxed-frog, and it will bring justice to my father's name. I'm serious. The great doctor will not be a maidscap waifu. Due to the tragic loss of our colleague Dr. Raymond Hamm at the hands of SCP-049, I, Dr. Theron Sherman, have been named the Intermittent Research Head of the SCP-049 Project. My first test proposal? Send 049 to the cat-made waifu dimension. Duration? As long as I feel like it. SCP staff containment breach challenge. Blind you at this video and don't look ahead because you don't get a heads up when disaster is going to strike. Number one, no facial coverings we need to see your entire face. Two, there are no edits, no effects, no pauses, you only get one take. If you cheat, you have to live with that dishonor on you, your family, and your cow. Three, pass or fail, you have to share your video. Ready? Let's go! Take a deep breath and hold it! There's been a breach of SCP-386, and you're not allowed to breathe until the end of the video. Don't worry, it's not a three minute video, I'm not a monster. While I've got you here, let me tell you a little bit about the anomaly. SCP-386 is like the Wolverine of fungus, the X-Man, not the animal. 386 can grow without air, water, light, or nutrients of any kind. Fire and extremely strong acid can destroy the fungus, but the spores are unaffected. And if those spores get in your lungs, you're going to have a bad time. Can somebody please explain to me what is going on? I'll field this one. Fun fact, clouds are carnivorous! For almost as long as there's been a foundation, we've had a treaty with the carnivorous clouds that we send them the food they need and they stay up in the sky. Of course it would be a bad thing if someone were to carelessly remove that meat shipment from the monthly foundation budget. Yes, I'm talking about you, Steve! Hey, this is the government. Yeah, what do you want, government? Is this conversation about overthrowing the government? No, government. Fuck off, government! Okay. We may be in trouble, but don't count us out yet! S.C.B. 999! Use tackle! Oi, what's going on? Is this your vehicle, sir? Yeah, why? Yep, I'm rotten you a chippy ticket, mate. Oh, come on, mate. I'm just about to get back in. Yeah, you took too long, brother, so you owe me four chippies by tomorrow Arvo, okay? I'm not paying that. Well, then you give me no choice. I'm going to have to shoot all over this vehicle, mate. Oh, come on. Just doing my job, chief. What is the anomaly in this video? Most people's first thought is obviously it's an anomalously living construction excavator, but that's not the whole story. No, this is just the result of doctor wondertainment, surprise, it's alive, googly eyes, slap those suckers on anything, and it frosty the snowman's straight to life. Now, the fact that it bore young is both adorable and worrying for us. One of these is hard enough to contain. We don't need a whole race of them, and that wasn't what the product was intended for anyway. Attention, Foundation staff. As I'm sure you're aware, today is July 15th. July 15th being the 24 hours where all children are born with reality-bending abilities. In order to contain this threat to normalcy, we must, you make me do this every year, release the clef. Hey, hey, Woody, listen up, down here. You got a snake in your boot or something? You're not acting very friendly, I tell you what. Hey, hey, listen to what I'm talking to you- oh, shit. I think you'll find we're stronger than last time we battled. 999, use Hyper Beam! Branson made it to space last week, Bezos is going this week, now we need to check out Elon Musk's space program. Is that it? Well, you give billions of dollars to a shit-posting meme lord, I guess this is what you get. To the moon, huh? I think you're a nice, modern gentleman. Don't lie to me, boy. I'm not lying. I know what you're thinking. Here comes old Greg, he's a scalar man fish. You don't know me, you don't know what I got. He's in our fuzzy little man peach, hmm? Do you have a drunk Bailey's from a shoe? What? Do you want to come to a club with people we aren't each other? No. I'm going to hurt you. Excuse me? I like you. Hey there, Site 42 fam. It's come to my attention that not a lot of people know that we have a Site 42 SCP merch store. We've commissioned art from multiple artists to make SCP-related merch, and we've got stickers for the Site 42 channel. And so if you want some SCP merch, as well as helping support the Site 42 channel, teespring.com slash stores slash Site 42. Thank you in advance and cheers.