 We are saying that the keyboard should be here, you shouldn't be here, they're leaving So my name is rando and I can't fucking believe this is working for at least four seconds Shut up rook shut up. God damn it My name is rando for those of you who have never seen us before we are who slides it anyway This is year for for right. This is for Just to show you the level of caliber of host you're working with I didn't fucking know if this was for And we are live. I am from the but I'm live in my barn bunker right now It's to bring you a show that we've had for four years running here at Defcon And if you like us check us out as who slide I know the intro video said check us out at improv hacker but fuck you Twitter because you suspended us and Improv hacker Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't think I posted anything fucking all that bad but anyway, we are here now and goddamn 304 viewers coming from Defcon Safe mode. I appreciate each and every one of you. We're gonna get the shit show underway here very very quickly And we're gonna see if this works at all I am going to first of all introduce my panel of judges. Well, first of all, I'm fucking getting out of myself, aren't I? For those of you who have never seen this before Probably you were better off, but you're here now. So strap in sweetie This is who sighs the anyway myself and my team of slide monkeys, which includes OX-Dade a Jedi day info sister evil bog We have so many so many people that are on the who slide team We create slide decks that either have nothing to fucking do with anything or they might have a certain theme But we create them so our contestants have never ever seen these before and they have to present this shit completely blind to our panel of Judges and I will go quickly from left to right and over because we have so many of them Normally Jedi yells at me for having too many judges, but here we go. We have spam We have rook. We have a Jedi day. We have we have a c75 by the way drunk hacker history in the fucking house I love that so much Miss CX Stevens, I believe that is evil Mog. That is Zach miss Amanda Berlin Shit Tim, did we put her slides in here? Oh Hell no fucking hope not Wow I'm gonna screw up her name a kid rules by the way kid rules wave to wave to the people has the hardest job of Anybody in the who slide organization because she has to keep score of the shit As somebody said in the lead-up How do you score a potato? We're about to fucking find out. Oh Shit, we have royalty straight from hacker jeopardy Mr. Lin tile himself. What's up, Papa? Oh I'm doing great. How are you? I love you, brother? I'm surprised you fucking ended on time Hey, you know what it turns out when there aren't a bunch of fuck ups in the audience that like make things go longer We actually go pretty quickly Right next to him. Oh God you guys could be twins. Mr. Law Killer himself also a fellow red shirt sock goon mother fuck represent and Actually the guy next to him. I'm gonna save for the very last Below him. I don't think this fucking guy needs any introduction whatsoever Mr. Pyro welcome to the show for the first time So happy that's that that the drunk hacker history crew By the way for again for anybody who is tuning in which is probably a lot of you because you know, we are in We're finally get a chance to to experience all the contests and events There is a very rich history of game shows During Def Con hacker jeopardy drunk hacker history of our show, which is relatively new for for four years Not to mention all the CTF so all of that falls under the contest and events So I hope you guys really enjoy this And then there's me with my other camera angle for some fucking reason. Hi So you get the shiny me up there and the ratchet me down here. There's not a whole lot of difference Between them next to me. Mr. Ray redacted. Welcome, sir. Nice to have you here awesome and The show runners of circle city con in Indianapolis, Indiana We have mr. Odd job and mr. Steve d3 himself Steve Reagan welcome to all of my judges You have a very very important job to do Which is to which is so I can be lazy and not do anything the work is really all on your shoulders After this three hundred and seventy four viewers. Thank you. Thank you ray and then last certainly not least You know, I one of the jobs that I take very very seriously here who slide is getting sponsors to give us free shit and we have had a Great amount of luck over the years a great amount of sponsors this year We have one sponsor mr. Mike Murray from scope security And my brain is getting fucked up because people keep leaving and entering. Holy shit dark matters there too I'll get to you in a fucking second But yes, Mike dude scope security is providing about 500 bucks across the board first place winner gets 250 bucks second place winner gets 150 third place gets a hundred and we have a couple very special prizes C7 I'm not gonna I'm not gonna ruin it just yet, but we have we have some special prizes that we're gonna get to So thank you Mike. Thank you very much I know you could talk you some shit. Absolutely. No, I was just I was just giving the thumbs up Nothing intelligent to say right now. No, it's trust me. There's nothing intelligent to say for the next two hours And then he doesn't have anything intelligent either. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and Fashionably late as always the Wi-Fi cactus himself. Mr. Dark matter. What's up, brother? Hey, sorry Lumb the discord trying to figure out what channel to join. Yeah, no, that's fine I it was inevitable one person would slip through the cracks and it's it's funny that it's some dude who's like six four But welcome dude fucking welcome to the show Lintile is down there somewhere people keep coming in and out so by the way again This is the first time we're running this virtually So give us give us a little rope to hang ourselves So here's what we're gonna do. We are gonna start with our first contestant, which is going to be Mr. Odd job Let's see if we go. No that work. No, that totally didn't work. Where the fuck did you go? Everybody keeps moving? I'm over here. All right. Oh, I'll find we're just here to troll you Danny. That's that's the most colorful video That's my fucker keeps moving sit still Yeah, I have a one man show That's all that matters. That's all that fire is not presenting. I am so we're gonna get to the very first We're gonna get to the very first presenter Hold on bro. Hold on. I'm getting there You do your thing I'm gonna say All right, here we go. Are you ready? All right, I can see the stream. Okay if we get through one of these I'll be fucking amazed No I Do you need an adult Thank you Use computers My marketing team is gonna kill me Hey everybody riff for a second while I Camera over here Is that the is that the foot cam Do what it is it's the foot cam. Yeah, but it's not her feet Rickro and all of us really spam. Yeah, well, I was told to vamp for a bit. I got What's funny is only we can see that it's not big enough for the chat to see it Oh My only fans is better. Are are we ready to go? I now have job up on screen and Let us begin All right, thank you everybody for coming to my talk Furby hacking village which is Burkhan's first annual Furby hacking village brought to you by Amanda's Only fans channel next slide Furby yep furbies. It's that fucked up and it's gonna be that kind of a talk go ahead next slide So as we all know the NSA fans furbies this happened back in 1999 As we can see here. There's a nice little furby alert the national security agency declares furbies a threat Again in order to know why they're threatening go see Amanda's only fans channel keep going next slide So tiger along electronics fights back In a public statement the then president of tiger electronics roger schiffman That's schiffman Issued a statement account amounting to the NSA did not do their homework Furby is not a spy But really where did the furbies come from? China Who has brought the furbies upon us china china next slide You gotta sing it too Every breath you take every move you make every bond you break every step you take i'll be watching That was fucking creepy no points to you It may have been creepier but it wasn't creepier than the furbies dead eye Channel keep going next slide Hold on i'm working on it That would be next slide please. Thank you. Oh, okay that one there. Hey, hey, fuck keep singing. All right when you're there And uh Yeah So to to summarize this a bit, um Furbies like to watch 10 points for king shaming Not there's no king shaming here not to be not to be confused with furries by the way, but furbies like to watch What's wrong with furries? I always another 10 points. Yeah, what's wrong with furries? Points for dissing the furries so, um, so you got to remember that every single day Every word you say Every game you play every night you stay in amanda berlin's only fans channel. I'll be watching Have you ever got a have you ever got a dm from a friend who says friends That's negative 100 points for being creepy Hold on a whole bunch of people are about to get a fucking dm for me saying let's be friends And I'm gonna have to totally make up what this light says if I can't see it. Jesus christ. What is that? We had an apocalypse and um I have to say furbies were a terrible casualty of the apocalypse, but they came back in a very very wrong way And we'd like to apologize for that, but we're very happy to announce next slide, please Oh, yeah, maybe I should put the slides up on the screen for you Go ahead and uh, go ahead and take the next slide I'm too busy sending tweets. I wouldn't fucking keeping We ended up inventing our own zombie Furby army to combat with the other furbies that came back from the apocalypse to haunt us all Next uh, go ahead and go with the next slide. Oh, yeah, let me pull it back up for you. Sorry What fucking channel are we in? I I think you're uh, you're getting close to slash b so be careful very very similar To the dunning kruger effect Okay, we have now entered slash b There are the furbies who think they are super sexy But they're really not Then there's those who don't think they're sexy, but they really are because they have more of a human likeness And then do I even have to mention it? But I tell you what imposter syndrome is a bitch next slide, please As we can see, um, as we can see this was another unfortunate dunning kruger effect suffering We're trying to upgrade them keep going Give me your soul don't be afraid You're not even trying on some of these slides man like seriously so much material here Give him the gong Fail The gong This is when you really have to worry Uh, and we've been able to figure out very few things about this, but what we do know Is that they're actually trying To run psi ops operations on you Think about it And uh for lexa my amazon echo furby Um, this this is just everything wrong whenever you try hey, alexa fail Alexa get me a next fucking contestant you fail Last slide please Oh You're out you're done. Oh, it's your first for the end of our experiments We uh really ended up finding nothing and this talk really has been for nothing. We have no research to report to you at all We said Yeah It's some dark web shit we're looking at right there. Is that your cable guy? Announce we're going into series see hey jay They ask if our cable if that was our cable guy just wait for the camera and show him the cable guy Just that's all right. Just lean in there you go. Say hi People need to know the reason it was So again, what are you waiting for the reason it was cancelled pervy hacking village can be found in the pool right on the roof Right now All right, but is that for the leaking? I don't know. Okay. Now give us maybe give a round of applause. I don't fucking know Fucking let's be friends tweets Hold on I gotta make it go away. Oh, yeah get it out. Give me some bleach while you're at it All right seen some things Okay That was odd job I guess being assisted by Steve rake and I don't fucking know what gonna help that one I did not offer any fucking help That was beautiful teamwork I was taking the slides off the screen like I'd forgotten he's actually using my monitor to read those things So I'm like trying to send let's be friends tweets and he's like next slide. Hey, hey slide All right, now comes the really really hard part besides listening to odd job talk is going through All of the judges to get their scoring this should take about a half an hour spam Oh, I gotta do this first. I've never actually even been to one of these things before I All right, fine, uh exactly uh 3.74 out of 16 Fair enough. That was a nice transition to very fancy. Oh, thank you. That was nothing. It's not fancy I mean, I just have a shitty iPad So it was gonna be zero But then he had the balls to just keep going after the gong which we couldn't hear anyways, but that was pretty rad So you guys couldn't hear the gong There was a gong I saw a rando give it a good whack, but we didn't hear shit. What the fuck? Yeah Uh a jedi day Okay, so I gave some pluses for the only fan references Uh He blew it talking about furries shaming creep being creepy Now you gained some points because steve was there helping you but then again, you also lost some points because steve was there helping you Six or a point six six Um, you can't see it, but I have um negative f Oh negative f Negative f that's the score there. Are we in hex now? Yes Yeah, uh caroline we wait a minute. Who just asked if negative hexadecimal was a thing boo at you boo at you It's my turn to talk shut the fuck up I'm going with a plus 30 even though the ship hit the fan I'll be here all night There's a lot of parts that were over my head. So I give you five All right fair enough uh mog Yeah, I give you a negative furried with a slash b Because the furried is Yeah, you can mark that down as a four-chan Poor poor scorekeeper Zach All right, so I like I like you know, you did well It was it was like a snake oil sales pitch, you know furbies being as smart as Alexa. Yeah, you know, why not? Uh, but because uh steve's there helping you and steve's a good-looking guy I'll give you five out of 10 matches. Are you fucking blind? Hey, man, you got a wonderful beard. Come on going next to um onlyfans.com slash info sister So, uh, you only get points for uh convincing me to actually post on my only fans just now For the first time so you get plus two weird beat picks I could see the surprise rolling in now This is gonna be good uh lintile Uh, yeah, I mean I can only give you 9.95 a month, but that's just a subscription Listen, you know what? I want to get a neuro COVID-19 test after that because I think that fucking shit gave me COVID-19 you get 19 out of 100 So, I don't know maybe divide 19 by 100. It's uh, Ked rules. However you want to run this shit We'll figure it out afterwards, but I just converted to negative hex Give us the eight loop give us the eight loop re redacted Is that your score? I was keeping a score by my head, but hey, listen, it's really hard to be the first one to go So I went and insulted an expert He's Wait, why is your Mario? Who's playing Mario? That's incredible Mike Murray get us out of this. Yep I'll go easy. We'll go we'll go five All right, uh, let's bring in our next contestant, uh, which would be uh, all No, he didn't what the fuck man my score doesn't count No, you were so It doesn't count Yoshi has to get the score Yoshi anyways, the fuck you Two head bobs two head bobs for you man. All right, where is our next contestant god damn it? Who do you want? Uh All baron All right, let's see I'm sorry, brother. I know we know each other, but I don't know how to pronounce your fucking name It's allen are you talking about old old? Yeah, come on man. Yeah, I don't fucking know. Yeah I got you Uh, hold on. I'm trying to find a slide somebody. Yeah, somebody be funny Hey, look what I've got so if you want to see some so Look what I've got No, you have a failed product. Is that a zoom? Yeah, baby Oh It's gotta be a brown zoom. Otherwise, what's the point? It's a soundtrack to a lad in the movie Yeah, let me let me go ahead and plug this into my back book and we'll just stream it right from there Oh, you know, let's get a copyright strike against this channel He's gonna season the cis this old stream Disney doesn't care about county, right? They're fine It's been very clear from the last 96 hours that nobody needs a reason to actually ban Who's slide from the internet services one at a time? So hashtag twitter Just gotta collect them all Oh, yeah Exactly that. That's how you win. You get him banned everywhere. Is our next contestant in here for fuck's sake I've been trying to get stuff banned for years, but it hasn't quite worked Almost there I can help you with that if you plug my only bands Do you want me to do the promo that we talked about Caroline? I can do the promo We need that promo. Would you do that, please? When the terms and conditions of your favorite websites become a little bit too onerous to know exactly how you can violate them one after another Turn to only bands Caroline's special service for knowing exactly how to get you kicked off of twitter Facebook tinder grinder myspace Friendster and even Coupons.com Back to you Caroline. Oh, I'm fucking down. How do I get into this? Welcome to the shit show The god You know, you're in trouble. We are good. Nice. Oh, yeah. All right. There you go Are you prepared? Is it safe? I am very prepared. Of course, I'm prepared I uh Can you see the screen the slides I can see I can see slides. Yes, okay, please start Okay Thank you very much for having me here to talk to you today on Channeling chakras. Um, which is The next step in in in government subversion techniques Uh, this is something that that is very close to my heart and something that I've been researching for for for many many minutes. Um, and I'm Not quite sure what a chakra is but it's it's quite important for you to get right Can I have the next slide, please? If the chakra you're fetish, it's okay to admit it. We love you. It's fine Okay, so, um, yeah, uh Next slide, please No, no, no, you don't get to fail Oh, no Then crash you go Explain it or get on it Oh, okay. Uh, so, uh, yeah, so, uh Yeah, hackers and cats are very important because they work together to to bring the right kind of energy To to do exactly what it is that hackers do Which is on the next slide, please This is what hackers do got it That's very socially distant of you Just remember that consent is everything. Um, especially when you are dealing with a tiger, I guess. Um Yeah, uh So the important thing about approaching a tiger is that you have to go from the right side Which is the outside of the cage. Um, and so you need to ensure that You are not anywhere close to it. Um This is a lot to do with chakras. Um in in in some way that I'm not going to be able to to explain to you. Um So, uh, yeah, just let's talk about hackers Um How they should be looking at probably the next slide, please Which Now let's talk about Um, yeah, so I'm gonna need you to touch me. Go ahead and finish off this slide. You can't skip yet I think that I well, I mean if if now I've got consent, well, that's that's a different story altogether Can't touch this He was asking Um All right, yeah, okay, so so this is this is something that that yeah, I've done a lot of work in Um, so obviously what we're looking at here is is is PCI. Um, and It's all to do with credit card information um So obviously what you're going to want to do is when you access the credit card in the first place You travel through the level one chakra Which is regency Regency is when you actually get the credit card out of your wallet and place it in front of the computer And the next word is The sound of you typing in your credit card information. So it's just all clicks and stuff like that You then move to level four, which is actually trying to put all the information in And then of course, yeah cathartic is is when the information gets accessed. Um, it's it's a beautiful thing and and the way it works is it goes through these different levels of of enlightenment from I want that thing. I'm going to buy that thing. I bought that thing. Um, and it's all protected perfectly by having uh, laxadaisical phantasmic security which is a kind of of um It's a kind of encryption scheme that was come up at black cat last year. Um, which which Um And it's basically just sends your well, essentially the word is yeet it actually yeets your credit card into the ether Where nobody can actually touch it and It comes back in a totally different way and if someone buys a couple of things off your credit card, it's not a problem too much Alan what is it palpabrate? What was he palpabrate? Palpabrate palpabrate is Palp, palpabrate is when it comes back down to earth. Um, it's it's a beautiful thing to watch because it's all in flames Um, like like you have an example of this An example of what yeet Of your meat. Yeah. Yeah, so it Pretty much what's going on on the left hand side of my screen now Could could could you do like an interpretive dance of yeet now? I've got to go get it I Is that the angry looking cat because that cat's awesome Okay, uh, by the way, switch everyone By the way, I I see that you have solicited for questions from the audience. So I'm gonna ask all 390 viewers in the twitch If they have any questions for the presenter You hate me I'm terrible Okay, we have a question why First question, do you have them? Oh Jesus What are the security implications of yeeting a credit card into another I'm well, I'm happy you asked that Are you I'm happy you asked that question. So it's three three point eight point two if I remember correctly um Yep, next. So what's it? What's the privilege escalation from level one to level nine? Oh, you don't even want to go there. Um So level level level one is is a basic level. Um, and level nine is Uh, it is superman Um, so they're totally separate dens. I need you to spill. Yeah telnet and yeet for me Tell me You need to spill telnet in the language of yeet. Wait, wait, wait Final question. What happens with a yeeted with a yeeted credit card collision It's yoded That is The correct case of yeets is a yacht All right, we're done I fucking broke I can't do it All right Thank you Yo somebody go ahead and clip that go ahead and clip that down below Oh By the way, before we go to the judges our next contest it will be none other than hacks for pancakes. So hacks for pancakes Through the courtesy counter, please Here in trouble. All right Alan danger. Alan did a thing. Uh, I don't fucking know what he did but Still better than our job, uh spam All right, uh, I I'm gonna give it seven chakras Um, we didn't really talk that much about chakras, but uh, that seems like an appropriate amount of chakras Uh, I will take that Yes, you will so He didn't get the the level nine uh privilege escalation but for mentioning consent twice and bringing a pc i Well, we're all not drunk enough to deal with it. I give him a Thank you Uh a jedi day Okay, you avoided swimming completely which that kind of pissed me off now You did address the correct way to uh to uh approach tigers You know and not touching and pc i no touching Yeeting you kind of It seemed a little weak weak on yeeting. You had good question and answers. So i'm gonna give you a 7.8 10.8. Yeah, look up C7 Um, oh my phone I'm gonna give you plus one baby yeet you get one Baby It's bad enough that we have the contestants that we do can my judges keep their shit together, please No Otherwise we're not running me here for a long fucking time Uh Caroline's Okay, I give you 30 sons plus two osi apologists Oh That's cold-blooded that what the fuck Uh, mr. Mr. Dark matter I feel like we started off a little bit rough and then you went home with the quasi's The quasi and the yeets. So i'll give you two quasi's and a yeet All right fair enough very good. Yeah Yeah Starting off rough is is yeah, it's a good way to start Five Just five that's it that's five wait that was five that looked like a diagram for an anal plug Keep it together he says I Someone tells me I started off rough and someone's giving me a anal plug. Okay. No, that's fine carry This episode of who slide brought to you by this whole bottle of fucking whiskey There's something left in the biscuit All right, you know, I'm a little bit directionally challenged So I hope you don't kill me by telling me to approach a tiger from the right But that doesn't matter because I will give you Four out of six put truly wax melts. Jesus you dirty hippie Uh, I can smell that shit from here, right? I can feel it. Uh, miss amanda. I'd heat it berlin Ten dollars a month No, I'm not heat loss That's a second tear man. Um, I'm gonna give you a one and a half meter feet What the fuck's your name uh I'm gonna go with PCI 2.2 Uh Okay, you needed that harder than ups. He did my dany de cheeto package So I want to give you the score of Wait, what the fucking port is this? Uh, tell them You get 26 Um, I'm gonna go I think I skipped over pyro last time so pyro you get to vote twice Is pyro still there? Pyro's gone He's smarter than the rest of us Uh c7 as one of pyro's life partners, what would he have given? Four. All right, very good. Four. I didn't four. Yeah And um I'm just going to address uh, our job and steve as one and as one being so What do uh, you guys give him? All right, so we took We talked why you why you were giving your presentation and first of all, I have to tell you You did a good job considering the fact that we just completely screwed up your entire flow but Because you didn't fully address the chakra situation, we're only going to be able to give you two yeets and a yote Uh, I'm giving him two furbies Yeah, you got a furby in there, but two yeets in a yote Negative two furbies negative two furbies they get to fibi. Oh, that's okay. Fuck those guys Yeah, so the fact that Alan is dialing in from Sunday afternoon at 2pm I think he should get some extra points for doing that because usually Sunday afternoon at DEF CON you're not in any shape. 999. Oh, look at the big fucking brain on Ray. Jesus. Nice. Wow. Alright, I'll finish it off. That's a little too German, Ray. For the reference to Black Hat last year, we go two and a half crowned sterlings. Nice. Oh, Jesus. And none of us ever thought he would do this. Alright, well thank you very much Alan, get the fuck out now. Thank you. I just kept hanging around. Yeet. Yeet. Alright, two down and it's only been 55 minutes. We're still going fast. What the fuck is that? We can always go for a speed round. Is this a busy city? This is a speed round. What? How many can look at a quickie? How many can look at a quickie? 24, 24. 24. Oh my God. 24. I think we should come and pick our judges. What's happening in the morning? 24 or two hours, whatever comes first. Can we complete this one in under five minutes? Alright, all done. Talk amongst yourselves while I figure this out. I think we should let Leslie pick five judges to save some time. Okay, I can do that. Only judges with only fans. I want only judges with only fans. Only fans. What if mine's not? I'm going to create one right now. That means Aaron and I get to do it like two and a half times a piece. I've got it in my free cans, does that count? I also have a night flirt. I've done my makeup once or twice. Alright, alright. I think we've got five there. I mean, does night flirt count? Because I have only fans night flirt and then, well, a different account. I just keep my snap. We get two votes, apparently. I'm just on Grindr. What are you guys on Grindr? I'm on Grindr. I just keep it open, man. Yeah, I'm on Grindr. Alright, now I am ready. Oh, good. Okay, everybody, welcome to the proverbial stage. None other than Miss Leslie Carhart. Hacks for pancakes. Hello, everybody. I'm Patrick Pancakes. I have here to talk to you about birds. And killings. But mostly birds. Next slide, please. Yeah, I'll get right on that. Hold on. There you go. Or who knows? So when we talk about killing and birds. The really big problem is it all started with never going to give you up. One, that song made the top 10 in the United States. There was a phenomenon. A phenomenon, a phenomenon. And the birds went wild. And you should be concerned. And you. And you. And everyone on Onlyfans. Because those birds started making changes to system B. And it was early days yet. But the seeds were planted by the birds. For the killings. Next slide, please. Now, I know that this is a big stretch for a lot of you who really love system B. And I understand it's a beloved part of our infrastructure. You know, we throw birthday parties. We stop our car to recognize the wonders that it's brought us in our development and administration lives. But what you really have to understand is what the birds did. You see, when system B was developed, it was actually de-systemed. And its policy was to enter. It was the anti-cracker policy. That would have kept us secure. Of course, it'll be out of the job. But you know, like, it's all right. The birds gave us a job. But also, they made us insecure. Because they gave us the wrong system D. Instead of de-systemed. Whoa. Next slide, please. Now, I need you to understand. And you, I need you to understand. Those birds, they need killing. And one day, one day, when you're trusting system D to do what it's supposed to do, what's actually going to happen, is it's going to be birds. You're going to start checking your running classes. And you're going to see birds. And that's when you know it's all over. Those birds need one thing. They need one thing. And Pete is on their side. It's killing. They want to kill. They want to kill you all. Next slide, please. Now, we have recourse for this. Don't have to worry. Because with the Wiccan contingent, we have the power to change system B back to de-system, the way it was meant to be from the very beginning. And thereby, it's feeding the birds. And they're nefarious agenda to cause Linux to be insecure. Now, I understand this seems like a lot. You take it one step at a time. You stack up. You start looking up at that skyline. And at those birds watching you. You're seeing that they're watching back. Because they're waiting. They're waiting for the day to make system B not be the perfect tool in Linux administration that it is today. Next slide, please. All right, my darling. Now, I want this to be very, very stressful. So we have to remember work-life balance. So as you are dealing with heavy load, I put on you today about the true nature of system B and the bird conspiracy. I highly recommend that you remember the staples of life. First of all, have your daily allowance of bacon. Dating bacon is fine. It's fine. It's okay. But make sure that you have your daily allowance of beer. That, my dear, is good work-life balance. Now, the right amount of beer? Well, you know, I can't really tell you, but I would go with the right amount of beer to drown a bird. Now, your average bird can be drowned in about 2.3 gallons of beer. But you won't have some extra drinks, so I would go with three gallons of beer and take the part out without the bird first. And remember your daily washes? The Cthulhu? May he and his squiggly goodness keep us safe from the pair of the birds? And, of course, take your daily nap because the birds are washing and you start flipping. You start flipping. That's when they get in. Next slide. And always remember the only place the bird can't touch is the only pan. So make sure. Make sure that you put on your hat, you step back, you have some class, and you log into your only pans. Because the birds are still here. Now, I want you to remember something. Now, control what you can and confront what you can't. You can control System D today, but you won't be able to control it in the future. If the bird gets you, you remember what to do. You take the bird first. Kill the bird just like that. Now, you have to take the time right now. Take a deep breath. Do? Get ready, kill those birds because they are the reason that Linux is insecure today. And it was never meant to be that way. Next slide. Oh, you're done. Any questions from the audience about the bird? Oh, yeah. Any questions from the audience? The bird is suddenly at the top of your hit list and what they've done to anger you so much. You know, I was keeping it private until now and they thought it was the squirrels. You know, everybody's been telling me that the squirrels are the problem in cyber. But really, they're a new threat. You want to know it's a real APT. You've got to go back. You've got to go back farther before the squirrels. You know what you had in evolution before you had squirrels? You had birds because you're a secretly dinosaur. I have a follow-up question coming up here. I have a follow-up question for you. What are your thoughts on furbies? You know, furbies are dangerously close to birds. I'm not saying they're part of the bird system in Europe, but I think they might have something in there and if it requires further analysis, probably some detailed reverse engineering at a firmware level. Next question. One final question from Rogue Clown. How is bird baby formed? Let's go. Oh, dear. You really don't want to know about that, but if you want to get into the gory detail, know that each face is when you sleep. This is why I'm telling you to be prepared. Eat your bacon during your beer, because if you start slipping, if you start slipping and you take your nap outside instead of inside, if your face is gone and your brain occupies their birds, they will take any way to get into that system deep. All right. Very good. Leslie Hacks for Pancakes. Thank you very much. Well done. You're welcome. What are those birds? Birds are not real. Birds are definitely not real. All right. So Leslie stipulated that only judges with only fans accounts can judge her. So I guess I'm going to start with. They have to be active. They have to be active because I. Why are you talking to yourself about this? Yeah. I mean, I found you have to fill out a W nine and that's just too much paperwork. Damn. That's what's up. Give her the goddamn score, please. I'd have it. I'd have an only fans, but I don't want to make a W nine. That's great. Exactly. I'm giving you one shittily drawn penguin. Nice. Get it. And system D. And then I'm going to go. But I can't go. I am going to, I'm going to go to somebody who I wish had an only fans law killer. I do have no fans. You just know about it. So the whole entire talk gave a complete fallacy that birds are real. And so is system D. System D is not fucking real. Birds are not fucking real. So with that, I want to give a two. System D. And just for the sake of fucking time, I'm going to take one more. Let us go with evil Mog. I'm going to give you it. I'm going to give you a big fat zero. Only because you missed the golden opportunity to go. You beat on home D resolve D. And all the other shitty parts of system D. So for your failure to do that, I'm giving you a zero fucking nerd rage. Jesus. Damn. Here's the thing pancakes just because you didn't follow us. I was going to reward you one Alfred Hitchcock, which would have won you the game. I was going to order some. Five dinosaurs. So we'll save that for the next contestant. If they're worthy of your dinosaurs. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I don't know if it should. No, I don't. I don't know. No. And? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's okay. Yeah. No. No. No. No. So. I am coming and I am going to go for it. I'm a mid disease silicon. 8 days anime master just joined my new challenger Yeah, we got you the anime girl, I'm guessing Welcome to yeah That's that's what we're talking about we are about Now No, no it has to screen all the time has to be on screen all the time On screen yeah, and I'll give you there. We go Man we fucking make hacker Jeopardy look like make a fucking hole Oh We're going All right anime master. I will be sharing my screen in one second Anime master. You have to hug that pillow the entire time. Yes It's negative 50 furbies there we go. That's Eric I hate that I just noticed that there's a picture of me in a unicorn mask at the bottom of the screen Actually, no The gong goes off. Yeah. This is this. Oh, don't don't drop the pillow Don't talk about today Anime master take it away Okay Hello, everyone. Welcome to my talk today. I'm with today. We're gonna be talking about customer service stop skills 101 Now before we go to customer service, let's first start off with the basics next slide Okay customer service happens you got to follow in truck First off, let's look at Don't run into you and ask customer service. Don't want to fell down. They can't breeze what you do You got all BPR instructions First of all, you blame someone because you gotta cover your ass first Because if someone comes around and blames you for being bad customer service, you're losing your job And that's the worst thing that can happen. Number two Have to see if nipples are hard. All I can know they might have some fetid and they're lying on the ground So you gotta check for it before you start kissing. Number three essentially If it's the opposite sex, this one works the best and who knows maybe you'll find the love of your life Number four a pike a breeze done to draw to the neck if they're not waking up. They're dead. Just kill them Use hands to be hard and nipples. What's your nipple does not harden their doom Because no one does not no one's nipples do not harden under stimuli Because if you go all the way down there you might as well just marry Well, now what do we have here spinner in the truck kids? Well, what do you do with a spinner? You basically just play a game because customer service 99% of the people who call you are just bored the hell out of their mind So you gotta know how to use a spinner because there's no spinner was there's no game without a spinner and next Is that Japanese because the pan is really the best place you can go if your customer service as you talk about anime Just speak random Japanese. It'll be super satisfying. You've got ten out of ten rating next As an anime fan, can you read that slide to me? No Customer service is Important you're the reason why this country has put directions on shampoo because 50% of people are illiterate They're going to call you and ask to read it to them, but that's all right because Whenever your customer service you're going to meet hard problems. Let's take a look at One anime in which this happens and that is I'm so nervous right now You always get bad customers What happens when someone calls you and asks you for steep PR and you really don't want to imagine like with them together You got to have an exit plan and when you need an exit plan The best time is you just jump out the door and run down that slide because that's really really fun Hey, next time you want to play just pull that slide anyways because Flammer do not fucking do that and that's how who's slide lost its twitch account Most important part of customer service because when someone calls you asking you to stroke their ego You just got to say the unspoken truth. Just be a you're amazing. You're cool. It doesn't matter next slide now when things go wrong as customer service really a lot of things really do go wrong and But the most important things your customers God if a meteorite crashes outside your company or what the hell you're working at It doesn't matter your customers God. You got to get that 10 out 10 review What was your losing your job and most importantly? It doesn't matter that it's on fire. Just keep on dancing next Now the most important part of customer service is say goodbye, you don't want to pay it up That's awkward. You're calling you're like, oh, thank you and the person just doesn't respond You got to say goodbye and how you say goodbye if you just say it fuck up now Give me a 10 out of 10 on my review survey next Okay, if all else if all else fails it doesn't matter. They don't know who you are you're just that voice on the other line and Work case if it doesn't work out all you got to do is ask them for the credit card and they'll hang up next Oh, you're done Okay, any question. Oh What is your favorite favorite anime pairing and why why do you hate Naruto? We call it an OTP, but Okay And let your parents that's actually pretty hard for Dora. How's that? Actually amazing Okay, I also have a question. I want to speak to your fucking supervisor That's Stream Okay, so again for the sake of time Anime, I am gonna let you pick five judges at random to score you and give me five random numbers between one and 15 Okay, one two three four five. Oh shit. Well, that's okay Spam you go first. Oh, I'm not really sure what happened there. So I'm gonna give you 14 burbs huh and Since since Lintel looks disappointed. Let's just fucking go to him cuz he's pouting I just erased it I only have one quick question for the contestant. What is the name of your senpai that you're holding there? I'm gonna judge your whole thing based upon that Really, I got the free randomly, so I don't know Okay So I'm actually really really disappointed that you couldn't think of the name of the anime as Someone named anime master, so I took away one Pokemon, but I did give you one Lodos words Tough but fair tough but fair You know, I had a whole bunch of reasons to give the score, but you know, whatever 4.7124 We watch too much Yeah, I'm only human But I'm only human see seven I Gave them Capri Sun straws times a thousand Yeah There we go doing doing work right there all those that you bust through the back and it just gets everywhere fucking You know score cuz I didn't prepare one I'm sorry, I actually change that in my head to say I'm gonna go to all the judges I score imaginary numbers scorekeeper make some shit up Square root of negative I 106 you get five I Apparently Amazon like the presentation Zack what do you give him and also cuz I realized that that's a dumb fucking rule I tried to make because like all the other scores