 It's too cold outside what shadowy hints of my easy to miss social life is dying and I also want to argue about how pop culture characters fit into alignment charts So it's time to make like a bunch of famous voice actors and dungeon some dragons odds are plenty of you dork bags have heard of the Hobby but have as little understanding about how it works as anyone over 60 has about being content with living as a single childless adult Who doesn't care about where they live so long as it's a roof over their head and the neighbors don't shout out racial slurs Unless it's that half-elves the filthy knife-eared mongrel mutts So print out some character sheets go shopping for some loaded dice pack some expired snacks call up all those friends You can only tolerate and put on your favorite wizarding hat. It's time to do some motherfucking role-playing welcome to a crap guy to D&D Do you like hitting things? What am I saying? Of course you do everybody does I most certainly do all the time like now And hitting things is the best thing about D&D you can hit literally anything you want better Yet you can hit it with a big fuck-off axe while flying into a bloodthirsty rage so potent You could be forgiven for mistaking it for some kind of super rabies the barbarian is the best class for Hitting everything and everyone hard enough they explode into a huge puff of confetti or a shower of blood and organs What's the difference? They're pretty much the same thing you get a d12 for your hit die One of the only times you'll ever use a d12 But it does mean you'll be soaking up hits better than my pillow soaks up tears after I take a look in the Mirror for a few seconds you start with just about every important combat proficiency and any weapon of your choice And if you're taking recommendations I highly suggest going for the dual-wheel chainsaw shotgun laser earrings with detachable missile launchers and drink dispensers Oh, and they have built-in cup holders look at that no tool proficiencies, but who cares nobody uses tools anyway You pick them to add to your character for back story purposes and then forget they exist because you only ever roll for skill checks Anyway, you lazy thoughtless gobble bright. Yes, I just made that up and it's what you are you stinky figle bitch In fact who even needs armor your pure unadulterated cuts But will block enemy blows better than even the shiniest of chainmail bikinis better yet You have spider sense which assists in you avoiding trap spells obligatory social events and laundry and of course the signature trade Of the bar bar is being able to enter a ferocious frenzy of force that foes will fear for all their fannies during your rage You may be easier to hit but at the game that you are better at hitting everything else And not just that your muscles grow to the size of Craig face Garmoufis That's a made-up word. I don't care that the things I'm using for analogies aren't real intelligence is a dump stat Anyway, that's why mine is the number that comes after three and now you know how to play barbarian. You're welcome