 So this morning a video popped up in my YouTube channel from a Self-professed alpha male talking about the traits he appreciates in a woman now I want to share the context of the way I perceive this video as it relates to the content I'm gonna share today He's the reason why these alpha males Appreciate this type of trait in a woman is these are the men who are the provider and protectors and the Expectation from these men is basically the way I interpreted is having a subservient type of woman their role is to cook and clean their role is to pick up the laundry their role is to be submissive to these men and While alpha males represent a small population to begin with there is a lot of content out there geared towards men suggesting what they Need from a relationship and again the way I've interpreted is a Submissive type of woman and if you watch my channel, you know that I am here to profess Partnership in relationship those are the qualities of a relationship that create long-term success Now again, I'm not here to advocate short-term Relationships I'm not a big proponent of those who are seeking casual relationships or those even agreeing to casual Relationships or worse agreeing to something called the Situation ship and what I mean to say it's two people engaging in a quasi dating process of getting to know one another which includes physical intimacy in this dynamic and yet there is no clear Definition of what is the purpose of this relationship? What is the end goal? It's merely just having a good time with one another Now part of the problem is you most of you have been indoctrinated in a belief that the early stages of dating is just have a good time focus on having a good time It's all about having a good time and while I'm a big proponent of two people having a good time in Relationships certainly that is one of the benefits of let me reframe that Exploring a relationship with one another and the dating process should have level levity funds and a humor That sort of thing at the same time when you begin to become attached to another human being This can be rather confusing if you're attached to a person who isn't aligned with your values Isn't capable of actually blending lives with you and more importantly doesn't have the emotional maturity to actually lean into A healthy happy relationship. I just said emotional maturity. What do you think and and to the extent emotional maturity? certainly character kindness empathy those are really good qualities to have in a sense of emotional maturity at the same time also having the skills to Develop a relationship with one another when when I say develop a relationship with one another I mean to operate from a sense of partnership See the one thing I've learned most of you know, I'm in a significant relationship with someone There's Marie in the picture behind me, you know, I've recognized that we are two different people I mean, but that's obvious right Jonathan. You're obviously two different people But what I'm here to say is we do things differently We operate differently and sometimes that creates a little bit of friction between two people when you do or operate differently See a relationship is about Navigating the differences. It's not about highlighting the strengths of a relationship It's really how can you navigate the differences? and one of the most important things to navigate differences is a sense of Operating in a teamwork kind of fashion See when for going back to the video I watched earlier well to them teamwork is I pay all the bills And you do what I say and and certainly that's fine for certain couples I'm to not against that if that's what you wish See the challenge in midlife and really the challenge for most the Americans in the United States the average Income or the the 80% of the population makes less than six figures See it takes two incomes to make a relationship work these days in many cases not all cases So the capacity to financially take care of someone will men are provider protectors And I know this might sound like I'm going off base here for a second But it's important to clarify this See operating as a team includes that financial piece where that man is saying hey look I pay the bills You do what I basically be my maid in my oh dare I say the P word prostitute all right now See the reality is is coming back to the emotional maturity coming back to the reality is most people in midlife Aren't in a capacity to be the full provider protector All right, so you operate from teamwork from that perspective. Okay, good. We'll put that in the box What about operating and teamwork when there's a challenge when there's a diff difficulty see that's really where teamwork lies Do you have good conflict resolution skills? Do you have the ability to communicate? Your thoughts and your feelings in a way that can be seen and heard and understood by the other person See emotionally mature men Are seeking something different in a relationship? They're not seeking that one-up one-down type of dynamic emotionally mature man And I'm hoping you're an emotionally mature woman as well. You're seeking a relationship of partnership All right, we've established that so let's lean into the five traits an Emotionally mature man will want from you particularly those men over 40 All right, I think the first one is obvious, but I'm gonna say it anyway consistency and kindness You know the number one trait most people appreciate within one another either gender is consistency in kindness When you're consistent, you're not flaky or your actions don't match your words consistently But most importantly operating from a kind place That's a trait that turns men and women on now. I'm talking about emotionally mature men I might have said earlier the vast majority of human beings are rather emotionally constipated or worse Emotionally dysfunctional So this trait that I'm talking about will be inconsistent for those people that haven't learned how to regulate their emotions Or those men that are seeking that one-up one-down type of relationship Then number two, it's kind of plays into the narrative. I shared earlier, but the person is willing to make effort See in the dating today, it saddens me to see how many people are not actually Consistently making effort in a relationship. There's this you have to do before I do they there's a there's almost like I'm expecting you to invest in me And then I'll decide if I invest in you See emotion mature men appreciate women who equally invest in the relationship And this doesn't have to be financially and what I mean by equally it's it's it's making mutual effort. I use an example men appreciate women who plan a date and Yeah, we appreciate that we don't always know how to read your mind So when you initiate a date and okay, and I'm not talking about the first second or third date I'm talking about those people who are dating one another. Okay, but we appreciate that effort an emotionally mature man appreciates that you get emotionally constipated man or a man who is alpha and Controlling wants to be in charge the alpha always wants to be in charge because it's predicated on him being in control See emotionally mature men appreciate women who make mutual efforts She's a doer and not a taker or worse not a waiter, you know waiter and I don't mean to serve her at a restaurant I mean, she's waiting for the man to do everything. We appreciate women who make effort number three Emotionally mature men appreciate ambitious women Now ambitious doesn't have to mean financially, but ambitious in her life There's a sense of passion in her life See there's this belief that ambitious women turn men off or worse Emasculate men not the emotionally mature man The emotionally mature man appreciates a woman who has a passion and ambition in her life Because that says there's something greater than yourself that you seek in life Ambition could be in your form of charity. It could be in the form of your professional life Having that that drive to do something more is Something emotionally mature men appreciate Number four, I'm laughing because it says sense of humor Also, well actually it says she has sense so what I mean is she has common sense and she has a sense of humor I'm gonna tell you there are a lot of people that lack common sense particularly in relationships Common sense is recognizing that you know Men aren't perfect See when you expect for example, men aren't perfect You have to understand men tend to be more logical creatures women tend to be more Emotional creatures although in midlife that actually can almost be reversed But common sense says I understand you instead of picking on the stereotype narratives As an example and then sense of humor. Let's face it levity humor Laughter laughter makes keeps us young So having a mutual sense of humor certainly pays dividends Turning a man on by the way, this title is about turning him on he should be turning you on as well Let's be clear about that. This should be a mutual turning on in these five traits are something both men and women should adopt and lastly And this is most important. She has an agreeable personality without being a doormat See nothing is more frustrating to a man or a woman is what person who isn't agreeable a Lot of times people want to be in a power Dynamic with another it's my way or the highway It's all about it's for some women You know, I expect men to be in charge and I'll agree with that But agreeable personality isn't just about that agreeable personality is is operating from a place of teamwork But at the same time not a resisting your partner's desires for both men and women alike You know, I think one of the challenges a lot of men have is planning Activities to the degree that we want you to appreciate it Okay, by having an agreeable personality, you just it's not just simply saying let's do what you want to do It's inviting the conversation of what both of you will find pleasurable and happy And these are just a few examples that I'm illustrating today Folks it's hard enough to get a date these days I get it for many of you more importantly What does it take to keep a relationship happy? This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend books like eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman This lays out a foundation of communication So you can build the deep roots of trust and there's a link below to get a copy of this and my Jonathan recommends books. I want to invite everyone to operate from a place of Recognizing that emotional maturity far outweighs looks financial success Emotional maturity should be the top on your list of whether choosing a man and vice versa Choosing you and I've just outlined some examples of emotional maturity That men and women both find attractive in romantic relationships. Is this thinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts If you find value in this group do me a favor Please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website Jonathan asley.com have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm gonna sign up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bearer of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye now. Bye