 So can men who give mixed signals really fall in love? Well, we're gonna explore this question and we're gonna use the final episode of The Golden Bachelor to illustrate a point about men in general. So really quickly, I want you to know that there's a spoiler alert if you haven't seen the final episode, turn this off right now if you don't wanna know the answer, but he did make his final pick and it was Teresa. And for those of you might remember, I actually called this about a month before this was announced. I had a feeling he would pick her, mainly because she's also, she's also a widow, he's a widower, she's a widow. They had that in common and I felt like they had a few other things in common as well. So I wanna explore this because there's been a lot of controversy coming into the final episode regarding Gary himself. Is it Gary? Is it Jerry? Oh my God, it frustrates me. I keep wanting to say Jerry, but his name is Gary, okay. But there's been some controversy about Gary. There's been some conversation about the last two women being Leslie and Teresa. And so I thought we would pick this apart a little bit and have some fun because this really relates to what often happens in today's dating marketplace, men who give mixed signals, men who are dating multiple women at the same time. Now women are also dating multiple men at the same time. So just like the bachelorette and the bachelor in our current dating environment, we have people that are swiping multiple people at the same time. But let's bring it back to the golden bachelor. So he did pick Teresa finally, actually the night before he did announce that he was gonna pick her, he actually met with Leslie and told Leslie upfront that she wasn't going to be picked that he had fallen in love with someone else. Now there was a little bit of contention there but I wanna rewind back to the fantasy suites going back to Leslie. I don't know if you recall but she shared a lot of personal, intimate things about herself. She was very vulnerable and actually throughout the series she also emphasized this a number of times. She emphasized how she has been hurt multiple times in her life. Let me repeat that, that she has bad luck with men and she's been hurt multiple times. So going into prior to the fantasy suites and even during the fantasy suite, she discussed this. Now I don't know if they were completely, they were certainly amorous with one another. I don't know if they were physically intimate with one another but certainly a lot of conversations were exchanged particularly in the area of telling her he loved her. And this is where the mixed signals come because then the following day I don't know exactly the timeline when he met with her to tell her that he was going to pick Teresa and again, this was prior to the engagement day. He professed a strong desire towards her, strong feelings towards her and then all of a sudden she says she's blindsided by this because she also expressed strong feelings for him. So to this sense, she basically argued that you gave me mixed signals that you lied to me. Now I wanna lean into this because I will tell you, I'm raising my hand and guilty of the following where I have been in a romantic physical setting, feeling so much emotion, so much chemicals, dopamine, oxytocin, and testosterone flowing through my body. And in those moments, I have felt like I thought I was in love and I've expressed that. You know, I've made the statement, I've loved you to someone I barely know. I was, and I recognize now that that certainly is not, I feel like in that moment, just like for Gary in that moment, it was most likely a true statement. And in his particular dynamic which is, well, unlike mine where I was only dating one person at a time, he's at the end having two at the same time, two people he has strong feelings for. So I think it's very natural that he would have experienced mixed feelings. I wanna dive into men in general and then I wanna bring it back to the show for a second. You know, this is the confusing part about feelings because feelings aren't facts. They're not facts, they're a verb. Or is it a verb? Yeah, I think love is a verb, right? So it's not just what you're feeling, it's also the actions behind it that matter. And this is where it gets kind of confusing in the current dating marketplace because feelings, we can feel strong desire for someone but that doesn't necessarily mean it corresponds to I want to fully commit to you for the rest of our lives. I think in many cases, women in particular hear the words, I love you as being, oh, I am going to commit to you for the rest of my life. Now, I'm not saying, I think you cognitively know that's not true but at the same time, there is this almost unwritten expectation that if you say the words, I love you, it means you're going to do it till death do you part. He found himself in an awkward circumstance in this particular case. Now I wanna talk about Leslie for a second a little bit more because I did a post in my Facebook group and I wanna read to you something, someone wrote about Leslie. Leslie is insecure and has a ton of unresolved trauma and not capable of being in a healthy relationship and she is not healthy. He is a narcissist and repeats the same things to multiple women. He is gross and Teresa seems to be pathogenic and delusion. The show is, this is someone else's words, a shit show of pathology, just like the Bachelor Nation show, it does not matter the age, it's just a fun watch. It's a fun way to get your delusional kicks in. This is someone wrote on my page. Someone went on to write, Leslie is sort of badgering Gary for the details because then she went on when they went to the live presentation, she badgered him that he kept lying, lying and lying and he was defending himself like that he needed to do for himself because he didn't feel that he was lying. I suspect he genuinely, oh God dang it, I'm getting tongue tied. You know the word I'm thinking of, felt it in that moment. See now, I wanna go back to Leslie for a second. For those of you that are out there in the dating marketplace, if you are talking about your wounds to someone that you're dating, it is a red flag to the man who's dating you. That's a red flag. Leslie was a red flag to him because if you're still talking about your wounds, then you're not healed. You know you're healed when those wounds don't have a charge. Now she might cognitively say, I'm not charged by this, but the fact that she repeated herself multiple times means she was deeply hurt. She was both hurt in her past and now she has a reason to be hurt again and it plays into her pathology of always getting hurt. It'll be interesting to see if they, I think that's the reason why they didn't announce her as being the new golden bachelorette because I think she's probably got some issues. Now let me just say this, we all have issues. I'm riddled with issues. You're riddled with issues. We all have stuff. That's why the criticism about the show and the individuals in the show, what did someone once say he who without sin cast the first stone? I mean, we all got stuff and when you're under this microscope like this TV show, trust me, it takes a lot of courage to do this. It takes a lot of courage to be in front of America, especially if you don't have an agenda like the younger bachelor and bachelorettes who want to be internet famous, they want to be Instagram famous. All right, so let's talk about Teresa for a second. Okay, she certainly got harassed for bragging a lot. So, and I thought about this and I genuinely felt she was just excited that she had a good time. Was she bragging to the women in the house? I don't feel like it was bragging. Was she being insensitive? Maybe, but this is an awkward situation. It's a very, by the way, most of you, could you be in front of camera like that? Could you do it? I would say 99 out of 100 people would be in absolute terror to do this. So I give credit to those women to have the bravery and even him for putting himself out there because you're gonna get scrutinized because look what happened to Gary now. Days before the finale, they announced that he had several relationships with women. He has skeletons in his closets and it changes the narrative of him being the good guy. He's got some women that he's slept with and he's had, it sounds like he may have even temporarily lived with someone. You know, we all have skeletons in our closet. I mean, we all do to criticize him for his and look, did ABC curate this in such a way to make him look like a goody two shoes? Absolutely, this is television, this is drama. But when it gets down to it, when it gets down to it, what we experienced in this show is a microcosm of what happens out in the real world. So in the online dating world, men give you mixed signals and the online dating world, women can ghost and disappear on men, just like men can ghost and disappear on women. Just like in the online world, we have people with unresolved issues and traumas just like Leslie and I'm sure a few others on the show and just like Gary, you know, he's a human being, he wanted to look at nobody, I don't think anyone wanted, I don't think he wanted to be, you know, lose his wife, maybe he did, I don't know, but he certainly didn't wanna go the rest of his life without someone. So let's give credit to this show and look, it draws attention to those of us in midlife that you can actually meet someone, fall in love and look, even Gary and Teresa are getting married on national television in the first week of January. Is this too soon? Hey, at that age, do you have time to fuck around? Do you need to be dating for a couple of years? You dive in, you get married and if it doesn't work out, you get a divorce. Look at, marriage is at least an agreement to say, hey, I'm going all in. Like, wouldn't that be great when two folks, you know my rhetoric, before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Why do I say this? Because chapter one is about trust and commitment. Today, the primary dynamic of most couples is friends with benefits, situationships and casual relationships. Serious relationship is on the bottom of the list of what people are experiencing today. I'm a big proponent. Like, look, I know many of you criticize me, you judged me just like you've judged Teresa and Leslie and Gary. Many of you criticize and judge me for jumping in and moving in with Marie so quickly and then it not working out. But you know what? It's by far one of the healthiest experiences I've ever had. I've grown so much from this experience and I'm grateful that I went all in. I'm grateful I went all in. Okay, there's something about all in. Like, I really, I tried to make it work. I think she did the best she could. Maybe she wasn't ready. And that's another thing that happens in midlife. You meet one person who's really ready and a person who isn't ready, okay? This is why, you know, I listen to the extent that I vetted her the way I teach. By the way, here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link below. I did my vetting, but I also recognize that, you know what? She had red flags towards me. I had red flags towards her. It wasn't singular one versus the other. This is the gamble that we take in the dating process. Okay? But you know what? If you can do it from a healthy place, and I'd like to think she and I did, one thing we didn't do is give each other mixed signals. We practice radical honesty. We laid our cards on the table and we established the rules of engagement. This is something I frequently talk about. So if you need some support, let's work together. That's my area of expertise. So can men who give mixed signals fall in love? Well, certainly Gary did. You have to understand where did the mixed signals come from? And this is where I want to spend the last few minutes of this conversation, because this is critically important, ladies. Most men give mixed signals because the ground underneath them isn't solid. They're either going through a contentious divorce or they have a contentious relationship with an ex. They have issues going on in their professional life. They have issues going on with maybe their children. They have issues in their professional life. They don't have their act fully together. And when someone doesn't have their act fully together and they aren't clear about wanting to get remarried or be in a serious relationship, men will always give you mixed signals if they're either in chaos or they don't have clarity on what they want. And let me go back, let's go with the guys who have clarity. So if you're familiar with my three types of people who are actively dating, if you haven't seen this chart before, there are the users, the spenders and the grower builders. Now users rep, oh, by the way, this is not a fact that's merely an opinion. Users represent about 20% of the population. Those are the players, the love bombers, that sort of thing, the gold diggers, the entitled women, selfish people, they're only in it for their needs. And then we move into the next category of spenders. The reason why they're called spenders is they will spend time with you. They want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, but they're incapable of commitment. That's 60% of the population and then the balance are the grower builders. Grower builders seek long-term commitment, they have their act together, they're emotionally available, they have good relationship skills. Okay, why is this critically important? Because a grower builder will only date someone if they think there's long-term potential. Usually within six weeks of dating, if this person doesn't have long-term potential in his life, he ends it, he ends it. He knows within six weeks, usually if there's potential, and then it takes about three months to really dive into the deeper act of getting to know someone from a teamwork perspective, okay? All right, so the grower builder wants teamwork. The users and the spenders, which represent 80% of the population of men and women alike, let me explain something to you. They give mixed signals because they aren't clear about commitment or they have unresolved childhood wounds and traumas, unresolved childhood wounds and traumas. I'm reading a new book. I watched the Netflix series or documentary called Stuts, S-T-U-T-Z, Jonah Hill's Therapist. His name is Phil Stuts right there. He wrote a book called The Tools, five tools to help you find courage, creativity and willpower and inspire you to live life in forward motion. I just started reading this. I can't say I fully endorse it yet, but I'm just telling you, if you have stuff in your life, like Leslie has stuff, the fact that she's still talking about it means it's still in her active, in her reticular activating system. It's like, if I said to you right now, walk outside in the street and look for white Mercedes Benz, you'll just start seeing it. In her life, she expects to get hurt. So guess what? She got hurt. By the way, she can rationalize in my opinion, and this is my opinion. She can rationalize why that's not true, but isn't it interesting? She kept talking about it beforehand and she got hurt again. You guys understand something about the law of attraction? There's just some, they just think about that for a moment. So what's the moral of this story? Okay, of the Golden Bachelor. I think it draws attention to the fastest growing single population of people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and even 70s. This is the fastest growing population of singles, mainly because of divorce and those who have lost their loved ones through cancer or other types of transitions, okay? We have a significantly aging population a population that's over 50, 60, and 70 years old that are single. So the choice, the question is, we're meant to be mated with someone. This is where it takes being a detective, it takes being your own matchmaker. And that's where someone like I come in to help you become your own matchmaker. So you can do a better job of choosing so you don't find yourself with those guys that are gonna give you mixed signals. You can find yourself with a grower builder versus those that are users or spenders. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I do my best to read them all. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you found value in this conversation, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. All right, we're gonna take questions. If you have a question for me tonight, write the word question and post the question there after. Or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the money's from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's my son who passed away five years ago. That's a, oh, sorry. That's a picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. And his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute. Just to name a few. So our goal tonight is 50, wait. $50, $50 is our goal tonight. I'd like to click, let's donate some money tonight in honor of Connor. Sharon says, life is a risk indeed. ABC got the ratings, the participants got paid for every week they were filmed. One winner for the guy. All were willing to put it out there transparently on national TV. I don't know if they get paid or not. I'm not familiar with that part of the agreement. I don't believe they are, but I could be wrong. But yeah, it's entertainment. There's no doubt. Leslie and Gary didn't have a very deep connection that I could see. You know the one thing about Leslie? I didn't think she was a match for him. Everybody said team Leslie, team Leslie. She's like a go-go girl. She's a dancer. She's a athlete. He's kind of like, he's 10 years older than her. He's kind of more sedentary. He wants to take care of his grandchildren. I thought their lifestyles and personalities were completely radically different than one another. So that's just my perception on Leslie. I didn't think, I felt the reason why I chose Teresa early on because I thought they were a better fit for each other. And you know what? Actually now looking at them in the paper, they make a cute couple. Guess what? You know what? The moral of the story, two people at age 72 fell in love. And who knows? They might spend another 10 or 20 years with each other. So good luck to them. Let's be supportive instead of cutting them down the way they've been cut down on social media. Anyways, all right. I'm just gonna address this comment. I think people judge because you told people not to move fast and you did it yourself. It was hypocritical. No, I have not. Okay, let me be clear about something. I've been very forthright about what, by the way, what is the term fast? Okay, that's a perception. That's not a statement of fact. We spent a significant amount of time together before we spent probably roughly 120 days together before we moved in together. Do you know what? That's most people dating for a year. Okay, we spent a significant amount of time together. Number one, number two, we engaged in the long distance relationship. So we knew going in that for this to work, we would most likely need to be in the same city. And so we put plans in place. I criticize other people all the time. They're in long distance dynamics. They see each other once or twice a year. And like you think those relationships are gonna work. By the way, I've known couples that have moved into, who've literally got engaged and moved in together within three months, been married together for five years. I only encourage women, not to give their heart to someone who hasn't earned it for two people, not to give their heart to one another if they haven't earned it. Miss J-10, 10, you have no idea. This is a perfect example of why, what you hear this tiny little script of what I shared out public. You have no idea what happened behind the scenes, behind the screen, if you will. Do I think we moved too fast? You know what? No, I don't think we moved too fast. I think we did exactly what we needed to do. And we had exactly the experience we needed to have. It's, by the way, I have no regrets. If I had regrets, then I might say, oh, I jumped in too quickly. I have no regrets. I don't think she has regrets. We tried it out. It didn't work, okay? By the way, coming back to my point, I think people should dive in quickly, okay? So this is no longer me being a hypocrite. I kept saying this during the time I was in relationship with her, I think people should dive in quickly to assess who they are really fast, okay? So I'm gonna say, yes, people should dive in really fast to get to know one another, to see if it had legs. Because our current dating process is friends with benefits, situationships and casual relationships. It's just, by the way, most people who are in relationship today, it's just a version of friends with benefits. There's no real commitment. So that's my response to your, not your accusation, your assessment, okay? And if you don't agree with me, you don't have to watch me either, you know? All right. Simply positive me question, is two hour distance considered long distance? Anything that takes you more than 45 minutes to get there is long distance. Yes, it is long distance. The question is, do you have the time to see each other? That's the question. Deep Diver, where is your lovely lady? I miss her. She is living in Florida. We split up almost five months ago, folks. I don't know where you've been, Deep Diver, but that's been announced a gazillion times. Roller girl, thank you so much. Thank you so much for the $1.99 super sticker. And Sherry wants to remind Deep Diver, watch my video called Letting Go. It's in the live stream, Letting Go. It was roughly in August, that August, September, October, November. So yeah, four months ago is when I aired that, we ended the relationship about a month earlier than that. God, everybody keeps asking, are you still in the long distance? No, I mean, we moved in together. Where have you guys been? Okay, Sunny is in the house. How do you know if I'm ready to start dating again? 66 years old, married three times recently, uncoupled from a six year relationship. Okay, A, how do you know? First, you clearly want to be coupled with someone. Okay, I'm a believer of moving in together, getting married. Those are, that's my framework of partnership. Okay, you wanna be partners with someone. And you no longer need to talk about your past. It no longer gives you a charge. When you no longer have a charge about your past relationships, and you have good relationship skills, you have healthy emotional maturity, and you clearly know what you want, that's when you're ready. Hey, one of my Facebook members, by the way, if you want to connect with me on a regular basis, check out the link below to my group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. It's in the show notes called Midlife Love Mastery and you can have, we have a great Facebook group and we do a once a month webinar. So one of our group members says, I'm in a long distance for two years. My question is, he's waiting to be the kind of man that God wants him to be with his wife before he commits to marriage. I love how he's using God as his gaslighting technique. I don't know what your question is, but in my opinion, you probably, I think he's using God as his gaslighting technique. He gets to use God as his escape clause. That's just my perception, take it for what it's worth. Does anyone else agrees using God as escape clause? Simply positive, me says, is marriage really defunct in the society? No, it's not defunct. Humans are dysfunctional, but, you know, I mean, so we live in chaotic law, we have chaotic marriage laws and such. I spent this weekend with a couple, okay? And I wanna read to everyone their wedding vows. It's called a katuba, which is a Hebrew. So I wanna read this to you. Oh God. On this day, the 6th of April, 2013, we, I won't say their names, we'll say B and S, join in sacred commitment of trust and devotion as living, as love divine partners throughout our lives. By the way, it's too hard, by the way, this is too hard for me to read. It's too tiny a print. My point is, they showed me their vows to one another. And as I read it, I could tell that they genuinely, genuinely, God, I'm struggling with that word. My tongue tied a little, genuinely and sincerely uttered those words without absolute authority. See, most people date cavalierly with no consequences for their action. We live in a world where most relationships are very transactional. It is mostly two people that are trying to get something from the other person. In fact, sadly, here in the United States, we're suckling on the nipple of, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. We lack that self love, that sovereignty. By the way, this is my book, what that could self love anyway, a journey a person will develop and self helps for it to work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. So most people here in the United States, probably a majority of you are in transactional relationships or have experienced transactional relationships. Very few of you actually go into the, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, many of you don't have a real deep conversation about what the fuck are we doing this for? Are we making a commitment to this? Most of you cavalierly, casually, ambivalently are in the process. And then you wonder, like you get hurt because you don't establish your standards. You don't establish your boundaries. And I'm screaming to women because listen, there's an old saying, men are the gas, women are the brakes. We are always gonna push for sex. It's your job to put the brakes on and establish the rules. But you've been taught this narrative. I just need to lean back to your feminine energy and let the man claim you. You're giving the job to the wrong person. Look, I'm your big brother. If I could be there for you on a first date, I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and saying, what's your intentions with my little sister? Because there would be a consequence for their behavior. Casual relationships, there's no consequence for giving mixed signals. And it's because this is partially why dating sucks. Because there is no commitment, because people don't rush in. I believe people should rush in and make agreements with one another. It's the reason why I created my dating vows. By the way, folks, there's a link below to get this. It's called the dating vows. I'm gonna read it to everyone. Have you ever heard the saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? Before you give your heart to a man, I want you to recite this. I have women telling me this is working like you can't believe. And it goes like this. I put your name in the blank, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within three to six months. I did that, and that's what we did. I agreed to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. Talk about it up front. I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking my dating profile down. We need exclusivity. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting and disappearing, which is happening most of the time. And I agree to invest regular time in the process to getting to know you, which looks like spending three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both on our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to us either moving in together, getting married. This should be happening, but you guys aren't doing it. Oh, yes, you're gonna say, but guys won't agree to this. Yes, 90% of men will bail on this because there are thousands of women who will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. If all women band together going forward, they will change how men treat and view sex. In the meantime, if he does agree with this, you have a better chance of commitment without it. By the way, there's a link below to get my dating cows. Okay, I'm a bit righteous. I get it. I'm pontificating, I get it, but I'm trying to make a point here. You know, there's one common denominator in every relationship you have that didn't work out. That common denominator is you. In my case, it's me. Your case, it's you. All right. Hey, by the way, I wanna give Kate some props and say thank you for the $10 super sticker. I also thought Leslie was not a fit. She needs someone more Cosmic Palutin. Jerry was very settled. No, I think she needs more of a metrosexual guy. That's the guy, or metrosexual athlete type of guy. That was my two cents. Hey, thanks for the $10. I think we need 30, 35 more dollars to go. Sharon Elizabeth's in the house. Jonathan, would you and your self-help counselors be willing to create a reality show where you pros counsel potential couples towards finding right match that would be positive? If you put up the money, I will absolutely do the show, Sharon. If someone wants to put up the money, do all the work, I will get a group of counselors in there to talk about it. Okay, I agree with six week timeframe. The relationship I have been in always lasts six to seven weeks, then they are over. I'm hoping at some point this changes by picking better relationships. Amen, Denise, way to go. I agree, I mean, way to go by changing that narrative. Deep divers in the house. Firstly, I agree on diving in quickly. What have you learned from your last relationship? Are you still open to a relationship? Okay, what did I learn about myself? Okay, couple of things. I'm not a good social director within a relationship and probably better serve with someone who's good at saying, hey, let's go do this and let's go do this and let's go do this. I think in her and my case, her social directing was traveling but the day-to-day social directing, I realize I'm not good at it. So I probably need to be with someone who's good at social director. So it was one thing I learned about myself. She up leveled my life in a couple areas. I got out of my bachelor pad, I moved into an ice condo or we moved into an ice condo. So I upgraded my life a little bit in a couple of different areas of my life. I think the other thing is I actually for the first time was all in, like really all in. I don't think I was all in in my marriage and I wasn't all in in my second relationship. I really got to experience what it feels like to be all in. I think part of the reason why she came into my life was so I can become a better teacher to you all so I could have this message really emphasizing the all-in component. That's why I don't believe I've been a hypocrite because I've been espousing. I think a lot of people, they just have sex too fast, okay? But I don't think entering into relationship, I think the sooner you do it, the better. That's why I've never been a hypocrite but most importantly, going all in. Now, does that mean you merge finances together? I think you wanna do your due diligence before that. What else did I learn about myself? I learned that I'm really a terrible traveler. I'm just, I need to be of someone who is going to be okay with the fact that I'm an anxious traveler and a lot of people won't accept that about me. I'm working on getting better at that but I'm just not good at it. My father, as I reflect back now, this is a wound I experienced from childhood from my father. It was terrible to travel with him and imprinted on me. So these are just some of the things I learned but I also am grateful for all the good that came out of it. See, there's no negative charge from this. It's all a positive experience. That's when you know, and I'm fully ready to, I was fully ready to be in relationship before I met her. I've been in a fully placed and am I ready to be vulnerable with someone? She's gotta earn it. I've gotta earn it and she's gotta earn it. So it's when we both have earned it, that's when I'll be vulnerable. Hey, Sunny gave us a $5 super sticker. Wait, thanks so much, Sunny. We appreciate that. So I think we're $30 away from getting our goal of $50 tonight. All right. Margaret wants to say that no sex before the relationship is established. I agree. That's what we should be doing in the future is having these conversations sooner rather than later. One of our Facebook members says, I asked him since we were in a relationship, let's put we are on Facebook immediately. He said, no, I asked him about the pictures. He said, no, until we get married, what should I do? He's a spender. I'm just, my gut tells me he's known as a spender. He wants companionship, connection and sex. He just doesn't want commitment and he uses God as his escape clause. That's my perception. You know what? Tell him you're gonna keep dating other people until he makes a full commitment to you. Laura says, I believe men cannot be alone. Their egos fall apart in solitude with women the opposite is true probably due to the need to adapt and survive. It's not about sex, it's about power. For some men, I would say that's true. I will say that there are plenty of women who have been wounded and they need their solitude. I mean, here's the thing. Yes, it's not, these aren't absolute truths about all men. So I would just reframe that. I believe some men can't be alone, I true. Some of their, with these men, their egos fall apart with solitude. With some women, the opposite is true, but I know needy women who chase men that are absolute basket cases. So that's just my perception on that, Laura. So thank you. Jane says, what does the common denominator mean me exactly? Kathleen says, thank you, thank you. Gosh, I always said this. Have standards and expect it from others. I keep preaching, we need to keep hearing the two words. There you go. Hey, another $10 super sticker. So now we need 25 more. I think it's like $20 more, $20 to get to our goal. Or would be the other way around, zero, two. Okay. Cecilia says, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. She said, a particular guy is my trigger. I dated my longtime friend and feel less desperate for triggered guys. Any non-dramatic advice for my dears. You know what? That I would prefer you speak to a counselor that's outside of my area of expertise. If you have general desire. By the way, just be, I think that's usually when you don't feel safe. And so I can understand. So build trust and safety in relationship. Jonathan, is it really that it's only because women are giving it up freely that he won't want marriage? Or is it also because he just happens to suddenly be ready or found the one? Okay, so it's interesting how in some cases a man will be in relationship with a woman and it's a casual relationship. And then all of a sudden it ends and then he falls in love with someone new and he marries that woman. Okay. Couple of things could be going on. If you're not familiar with the work, oh well two books I'm gonna talk about. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller or the book Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hennecks and Helen Hunt. What could possibly be happening is the first woman he was with didn't trigger his childhood wound. The next woman he met triggers his childhood wound and because it's familiar to him he attaches to that person. So it's not like, by the way, folks do you realize that first marriages ended a 50% rate? And by the way, what's left over half of them are miserable, okay? Second marriages ended a 65% rate and third marriages ended a 75% rate. Okay. Not, we might say that's a bad technology but here's the thing. Most relationships ended at about a 95% rate, okay? So the real, it doesn't matter all those statistics. What matters most is what are you going to do about your love life? What are you gonna do about yours? It doesn't matter what he does about his. What are you gonna do about yours? How are you gonna choose better? What are you gonna do to establish a healthy, happy relationship? Are you gonna read the books I recommend? Are you gonna have deeper conversations? Are you gonna practice radical honesty? Are you gonna lay your cards on the table? Are you gonna establish the rules of engagement? Are you going to make some standards regarding sex when you're with someone? Are you gonna declare you're in a relationship with one another? Or are you just gonna do what most people do? They all hope magic fairy dust is gonna change all of this. Magic fairy dust doesn't work. Simply pause to me says I hate traveling too. I don't hate traveling. I just have anxiety when I travel because when I'm in a place that's not familiar to me, I don't feel safe. I just drove down to San Diego even just driving in the city. Wasn't familiar to me for a moment. I just didn't feel safe. It's a weakness I have. I'm aware of it. I'm not proud of it. Sharon says, Jonathan, lucky for you. I am a great grant writer and successful at fundraising. We accept the challenge. There you go. I accept, I appreciate that. Great the show. Jane Spitfire says, do you think sometimes things happen in relationship beyond our control? Please people should not judge Leslie on the golden bachelor hearse because of two divorces. You know what? We all have skeletons in our closet. If your life was looked at under a microscope, I guarantee you. He who without sin cast the first stone. It's amazing how righteous people are when you can get to point the finger at other people because you don't look at the three fingers pointing back at you. Just my perception anyway. All right, let's keep going. Oh, we just got a Sharon. Sharon Elizabeth, $10 for the Connor Asley fund. Thank you so much. All right, we need $10 more tonight. She, why don't we make it a goal of a hundred? So we need $60 more dollars. Okay. How do you build hindsight when you annoy each other in any type of relationship? Well, hindsight is looking backward and saying, I wished I did something different. I think, you know, folks from a spiritual perspective, life's a journey. It's just a journey. I believe that we come back and do it again. I believe in reincarnation. I believe in multiple universes. I believe that time is an illusion. This is just the way I choose to live my perception of this. So I once wrote a book, life is a game. Where is that book? Life is a game. Oh God. So where's that book? Life's a game. So if life is a game, oh, the game of life and how to play it. If you think of it as a game, as play. Now, I mean, we have to be serious. So I mean, I'm not talking about, you know, not being responsible, but the game of life and how to play it. By the way, check out this book by Florence Shin. Just a way of looking at things. By the way, $2 Super Sticker from Sherry. Thank you so much. I appreciate the love. Thanks so much. Beach Lover says, Leslie was more real. I got the impression that Trisa was better in bed. Well, supposedly she knocked his socks off. So I guess she was bragging again. But maybe, by the way, did he have sex with both of them? I wonder, I don't think he had sex with Leslie. I think he had sex with Teresa, you know, and go for it. Look at at this age, fucking folks, if you're in your 60s or 70s, live life to the fullest. I don't wanna say live recklessly, but live like there is no tomorrow. And if that's what they're doing, bravo to them. Hey, Anna just gave us a $1.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Why do men give mixed signals? I shared this early on the broadcast. Okay, a couple of things. A, they clearly don't know what they want. And when they don't know what they want, they give mixed signals. Or the life, their life is in chaos and they still don't know what they want, but they're in chaos, which makes them give mixed signals all the time. Only those grower and builders are the ones who clearly know what they want. Margaret said, Jonathan, interesting perspective. When you live life with the perception that we get to go back and do this over and over and over again. By the way, where does the concept of soulmates come? Concept of soulmates is you've connected with someone in a past life. So I do believe that Marie and I were soulmates. I had a, when we, when I, one of our ceremonies we did, I had a vision that we were both from two separate South American tribes. She was a princess in her tribe. I think she was 16 years old. I was a 19 year old warrior, even though in real life, she's older than me. And I think from a spiritual perspective, I'm probably a little bit older than her. And I came in, took her away from her family. And what did she end up doing? I had this vision in the first couple months of us dating. And what did she tell me? She had to leave to go be with her family. Kind of an interesting, folks, this is the honest to God's truth, okay? I had a clear vision that I came into her tribe. She and I fell in love. I took her away from her tribe, okay? That's the vision I had. Our relationship ended because she wanted to go back to her tribe. Kind of an interesting similarity there. Hey, oh my God, we just got a $20. Anna, thank you so much for the super sticker. And we just got, and I think, and Sharon, I also wanna give props for hers. Okay, let's see what we have here. Anna, a guy is dating this great woman few months after they are in a committed relationship. He drops the bomb. I've been diagnosed with depression and I'm prescribed meds for it. Is that fair? Folks, life isn't fair, okay? There's nothing fair about life, okay? So just get that. There's nothing fair. Was that fair to her? Probably not, but life isn't fair. Look at my son. I don't wanna say he was taken away from me, but he left this planet. Is that fair? Or was that just what was supposed to happen? You know, I mean, people live in poverty. By the way, do you realize that if you're capable of watching this broadcast, you are richer than 90% of the population in the world or 80% of the, you're richer than 80% of the population of the world. Is that fair that there's poverty? Is that fair that there's disease? Is that fair that there's a car accident? Is that fair that the person drank and crossed a red light and killed someone? I don't know what fair is, but what I do know is, okay, what I do know is we all have the capacity to live by the four agreements, by the four agreements. If you haven't read this book by Don Miguel Ruiz, the four agreement states, be impeccable with your word. Always do your best. People's perception of you is their projections of you and don't take anything personally. If you can live by this, you'll have a much happier life. What matters most is what you do, not what someone else does. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. What is this about? Wonder if the guy said, been in prison before, I don't know what that is about prison. Simply positive, me wants to say, Jonathan, warrior, Jonathan. I don't feel like a warrior at this stage in my life. I think I'm a warrior of the heart. I think I'm a heart protector in that sense. I don't think I'm a warrior in the physical sense. I mean, by the way, if a mugger came up to us, we're fucked, okay? I'm not capable of defending myself. I'm an old man now. So not that I'm putting that energy out there, but I'm just saying, I'm a warrior of the heart now. Can someone write that down? Jonathan's the warrior of the heart. Okay, we'll start taking personal questions. Do you think you and Marie had unfinished business and that's why you got together? Absolutely. I think we were meant to heal each other. I know she got a tremendous amount of healing through our time together and I got to heal my shit with her too. I have a quote, it's a Jonathan quote. Can someone put this in the chat box? Soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons. Soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons. True love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands. True love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands. Soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons. True love goes to school with us each and every day and holding hands. The point is, I think soulmates are there to help you learn and grow and your true love is there to grow in the same classroom holding hands together. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Do you and Marie still speak? Actually, she sent me a text message this morning asking about a therapy for people who have lost loved ones. And I responded to that and I think we spoke a couple of weeks ago on the phone for about 20 minutes. So yeah, but I mean, it's not like we talk every day. I mean, we've spoken a handful of times since the relationship ended. Lisa wants to say Jonathan is a warrior of the heart. Thank you so much. All right, here's a Jonathan quote. Soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons. True love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands. Don't you just love that? I love it. I'm proud of it. That's a Jonathan quote. I'm gonna leave that up for a while. Jane Spitfire says a real man wants true love. I don't, what the fuck is a real man? Okay, what is a real man? We're all real, okay? It's just that terminology is blasphemy, okay? An emotionally grown up man who ready for long-term commitment wants true love. That is true. Deep diver says, Jonathan, I think you're best suited with the lady who is less of a traveler and truly loves and supports your business. I agree and disagree. Actually, I wanna travel so I need a professional traveler in my life. Someone who's so fucking good at it that I close my eyes and say, you take care of everything but and supports my business, my mission. My mission, I have a mission folks. My mission is to spread self love. My mission is to encourage self love. My mission is to draw attention to this dysfunctional way human beings date, mate, and relate that's part of my mission. And yes, I wanna be with a seasoned traveler who's so fucking good at it. It'd be, you know what? I really want someone with a private plane, private jet. That would be perfect. Somebody that I can just trust them to take care of everything. All right, Kate is in the house and she says, what sort of activities and events are you doing to open yourself up to meeting an intentional partner besides being on the apps? Not sure if you're actually on them, but just curious. Okay, I am on four dating apps or two apps and two websites. I am on Bumble, I am on Hinge, I'm on Millionaire Match and I'm on match.com. Number one, last week I went to a singles mixer. Last week I went to a sound bath meditation. Next week I'm going to a spiritual journey with about 12 people. What else? I have gone to, hey, I've gone out Friday nights to sat at a bar with a friend. What else, with a female friend. She was my wing woman. What else have I done? Oh, I went to a spiritual art fair. I'm contacting friends. These are just some of the things in my repertoire that I'm doing to meet, you know, a well-suited partner. Okay, but thank you for asking, I appreciate it. Roller Girl says, I love Jonathan's quote. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. My mission is to create healthy relationships and partnerships, absolutely. How do you feel about Marie keeping tabs with you after breaking breakup? Do you get butterflies in your stomach? First off, she's not keeping tabs on me, so I want to clarify. So do I get butterflies? No, I don't. I have healed from that relationship. I am grateful for the experience. I care for her, I care for, you know, I've made a promise to myself recently. I always, it's something I say to myself before going to bed. I say loving myself and everyone else, loving myself and everyone else, loving myself and everyone else, loving myself and everyone else. And I make a vow to do my best, to be of love to everybody. Even the people that I can't stand, I do my best, I try to follow that doctrine. So I have care for her, I want her to be happy and I want to know that our children are happy. These were people that came into my life briefly and my son was kind enough, look at Colin right there, what a sweetheart. He texted Marie on Thanksgiving and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. You know what, just because two people aren't in relationship doesn't mean you can't be friendly to one another. That's called being an emotional grownup. All right, Cecilia says, what's your view on being careful with emotional investment? I think emotional investment is earned. Takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build the first layer of trust. Build trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends. The more trust you build with someone, the safer you feel to be emotionally open to them. Margaret goes on to say, we all want someone with a private jet. Ain't that the truth? Kate wants to respond and say incredibly intentional stuff. I love that you are in it to win. In it to win, I love it. I am making a statement, I'm setting, I am declaring I'm in it to win, I love it. So probably be the last question of the evening. Would you prefer if you had to choose one, a professional traveler or a woman who has passion for your mission too? I mean, why can't I have both? But I would, I'd prefer someone that was into my mission. That's, you know, that's more important to me than travel. Travel is something is just a desire. A mission is my being, you know? So yeah, I would want someone to answer your question. I don't need a professional traveler. Margaret wants to just acknowledge emotional grownup exactly. Jane Spitfire says, thank you, RG. Yep, that's are the traits of, I don't like real men. Men who have their act together support kind of become your best friend. Why not? I said that, I agree, Kate, why not both? Mission, love and travel savvy. Yes, I'm in agreement. All right, folks, to wrap up the golden bachelor, those are my views and what I feel he did or didn't do. Folks, there's nothing easy about this. My invitation for all of you is to first, do the inner work, do the healing, get in such a place that you don't need someone to love you, for you to feel good about yourself, feel so good about yourself that you become a magnetic attractor for what you want. You will no longer be looking for a needle in the haystack. You will become the electromagnet. Can I get an amen? Can I, oh, excuse my pit stains. Can I get an amen? All right, folks, if you have something to say, post a comment below, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Hey, by the way, last chance to donate some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund, hit that dollar sign, or you can purchase a super thanks if you're watching the replay. This would be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm gonna first, oh, by the way, if you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. Teddy Bear or pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Tara and Deep Diver and Margaret and Cecilia and Sherry and Eva and Michelle and Jameson and Jane Spitfire and Anna and Kate and RG. Oh, that's who the RG was. Deep Diver, Gigi Beach Lover. All right, folks. Oh my God, look at this. Tara came in and just gave us a $50 super sticker. Hey, what love. Thank you so much. Big hugs to you, Tara. We're gonna give you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of real love. Thanks so much, everyone. Hope you found value in this show. Have a wonderful fantastic day.