 So the biggest realization of my entire 20s was a very simple thing. The number one thing that will determine how epic your life becomes is your relationship with one friend, fear. So when one of your friends asks you, why aren't you doing that thing you've always dreamed of, the story that comes out is probably a story of fear. Now in this video I want to share what I think is the simplest way to begin overcoming those fears that stand between where you are and where you really want to be. What's up guys, Alex Hein, author of the book Master of the Day. So I've included the first link there below is for a free goal-setting worksheet to help you overcome your fears and plot out how to have the best year ever of your life. So you can check it out right there the link below. It'll also send you an email every couple days on how to get started. So the first thing is really the most practical and the least sexy, which is desensitizing yourself to the fear. Now desensitization therapy is used in psychology and in psychotherapy but for me one of my big fears was really traveling alone. You know there were all these spots on earth that I wanted to see, I wanted to go to Fiji, I wanted to go to Nepal, I wanted to go to Mount Everest Base Camp, I wanted to go to Antarctica, so many cool spots to see but as like a 17 year old guy who's never left the United States at that time, how was I just gonna book a flight alone to a country that speaks another language with no clue of how to get around or what to do? I mean it was terrifying for me and I kid you not I took this field job in Fiji one summer because I was an undergrad marine biology or wildlife biology and bio major so I took this job in Fiji because I was scared of the ocean and I was literally going to be spending all day with a wetsuit in the ocean with sharks and huge fish and giant clams this big measuring them and counting them underwater. Now when I ended in Fiji there was actually a coup so the military was overtaking the government and walking around the island that I was on were hundreds of military with m16s. So I'm this young kid I think I was like 19 I looked probably 14 and I'm going around this island in Fiji and I'm the foreigner the only person who looks really white and all these armed military are driving around in armored cars with m16s and I kid you not as a grown adult I went into my very very very shack-like hotel that I was staying in and I literally cried I literally felt so alone and so scared that I cried like I was that worried about I don't I don't know what's going on like I don't I don't really know where I am I don't know where when my trip starts like when my actual mission is beginning and where I have to meet these other researchers I don't know how to get to the island I don't know what's going to happen with this military that they're all walking around I'm the only one that looks like me I'm the only flash forward I'm 33 I've been to almost 60 countries on earth one third of the earth most of those alone since then I've almost been mugged half a dozen times I've been lost I've been yelled at I've had people fight me and all of it's no problem it's a cakewalk now I sometimes even feel safer and more secure alone in a country on the road than I do in a mundane nine to five existence where things are just boring and predictable so in the same way you might have a challenge right now in your life that is similar it could be exiting a long-term relationship to go into this unknown future because even though the relationship is not quite right you know it's there and you're gonna have at least someone to come home to but you know it's not right it may be moving across the country to a new city alone that's tough that's scary for a lot of people it could be moving across the world it could be just talking to attractive people it could be being social building a business whatever it is there is something there that if you take this approach of I'm going to desensitize myself by just embarking on a little little little challenge a year from now you'll be such a different person and that confidence is going to carry over to every quadrant of your life so the first thing is to really desensitize yourself to the challenge by doing something small I wouldn't say if you're afraid of traveling that flying on a one-way flight to a remote spot is a good idea but it's the concept of whatever you're afraid of take it in the smallest dose you could endure and just do that regularly enough where you feel anxious but it doesn't cave you it doesn't cripple you now an interesting thing happens because it's the same person that decides you know what I'm very overweight I'm very out of shape I'm really uncomfortable going to a gym I don't want people looking at me I don't want people to be grilling me and making me feel like I don't belong here but then when that person gets fit not only do they get confidence in the physical fitness domain of life that confidence also shows up at your job you start taking on more ambitious projects that confidence begins showing up and dating you start dating people that you think historically you weren't good enough for and now suddenly they're intimidated by you because you've been doing that work on yourself and so you start with desensitization and then begin upgrading the challenge begin applying these little bets to other quadrants of life that require you to build your confidence again and the final step that I think can really really help you is to keep your darkness playbook not going to sound very good but it is one thing that will make your life so internally free that I cannot speak highly of it enough now you know that every year I kind of do a quarterly review of my goals in my life and in that quarterly review the last thing I put is a link to an Evernote document that lists all the fears that I'm consciously aware of that I have and the point is that every 100 days I have to be executing on addressing one of those fears and at different phases of life new fears come in and old fears leave the point is to build a life where you are training courage because there's a great quote that the secret to happiness is freedom and the secret to freedom is courage so one of my challenges was dealing with loneliness right even though I was kind of an introverted lone wolf kid in the last year I've had an intense intense loneliness coming up to the point of even developing symptoms of anxiety and symptoms of insomnia for a long time and so you know me the darkness playbook let's get into this challenge the challenge became for three months dealing with loneliness now fortunately or unfortunately for me COVID also happened so quarantine was almost like the answer to my prayer in the worst way possible but my challenge was very very simple how do you deal with loneliness how for me the challenge was don't cover it up don't try to be using distraction right so I can't no TV no phone no video games can't use any of those to deal with the feeling of loneliness I cannot reach out to other people make no plans for Friday or Saturday nights feel that intense feeling of I really want to have something fun I want to go out I want to see people and letting yourself feel uh about it not even turning on my phone for a day or two at a time not trying to go anywhere where I could see a human being deliberately keeping myself isolated and in my apartment because even though I'm an introvert I'm always out and about I'm never home made myself be home all the time and the goal is to feel as much intense loneliness as I can handle and as I can bear and guess what happens after a week of doing it am I happy hell no but am I afraid of being alone no and that's the point it's not going to make me happy by consciously isolating myself but it's going to remove the fear of what happens if I don't have any friends what happens if I go through this breakup what happens if I move to a new city alone you train yourself and your spirit to know that it is resilient enough and it is strong enough that those things will not break you and that is the point of this kind of darkness playbook and so I would challenge you every hundred days or even sooner if you have got the guts and you want to upgrade faster to find what it is that scares you the most and where most people run away I want you to run towards that and see how everything upgrades in your life and most importantly how internally confident and calm you feel big topic big thing for this video before you go I want you to comment there below let me know what's your fear your darkness playbook challenge is going to be maybe like me it's loneliness maybe it's talking to attractive people maybe it's building a business going to medical school or denying your parents wishes for yourself whatever it is comment there below and let us know and then download the first link below there for the goal-setting worksheet and then just check out that email series because the essence of achieving all your goals and dreams is really just that one thing which is how you deal with fear check it out then watch this related video right over