 Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Just Elliot Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, appearing each week in their own theater, starring in a repertory of transcribed stories of their own and your choosing. Radios for most players and radios for most plays. Drama, comedy, adventure, mystery, melodrama. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elliot Lewis. Good evening. May I present my wife, Kathy? Good evening. We all daydream. I remember that as a child, I wanted to be Florence Nightingale. And I'm afraid I missed some of my earliest arithmetic problems because I daydreamed, caring for the sick and infirm. I built the biggest bridge in South America instead of mowing the lawn. Shirley Gordon, who wrote tonight's play, Call Me a Cab, also has pursued this pleasant avocation and she wrote some of it down. And we're going to do it for you right now, Kathy? Our story starts with me. I'm in my apartment. It's very neat, my apartment, Kitey, a place for everything and everything in its place. And it's very empty. When I'm in it, I spend a lot of time looking out the window, without knowing quite what I'm looking at or looking for. Like today, when it's my day off, and I've finished doing everything I had to do, my apartment's clean, my clothes are in order, my hair and my nails are done. I just finished the last chapter of the book I was reading, so I look out the window and I see the day that I don't know what to do with. Take a walk. Go to a show. Window shop? Don't waste a day, Julie. Not another one. It's your life. This is Miss Benson. Would you call me a cab, please? I'll be right down. Put on a bright lipstick and your best hat. Don't let the world know you're a girl with no place to go. Close the door on your tidy, silent apartment. Take the elevator and continue your train of thought. Write a book about it. Call it 101 Tried and Proven Ways to Waste Today. Add them up in it's 28 years. Going on 30. Going on 40. Going on 50. Going on... Today, take a cab and window shop on a good day to waste. Look at people using it. Study what they find to do with it. Uh, Miss Benson? Yes. You called a cab? Where to, Miss? Just, uh, drive around the park, any place. Okay, Miss. You say when. Write the sound a bit better than a clock that takes away time instead of just money. How much is the cab fare to a lonely day in fact? Costs a lot more than a show's on a meter. Funny day, isn't it? Looks like it can't make up its mind what it wants to be. Good or bad? No. Can't tell. That's right. You can't tell. Too early yet. My rain might not. No, it's too early to tell. Miss Benson. I wonder where the boyfriend is today. Yeah, working, I guess. A girl like that wouldn't be without a guy unless he was working. Unless maybe she hasn't got a boyfriend. Nice looking girl. Nothing better to do than ride around in a cab, spoiled. That's what's a matter. Can't find a guy who can handle her. Tell her the facts of finance. Tell her there's more important things than riding around in a cab spending money. A girl like that. All she needs is to have someone tell her. Thanks. What were you doing? Reading. A book? This one? You lost your place? I finished it. Any good? Love story? How did it end? Happy, boy gets girl? Wasn't that kind of a book? Then what did you read it for? Why don't you read my kind of book, Julie? It's a love story with all the works. Happy ending. Boy gets girl. You'd like it. How do you know? Because I wrote it for you. Joe, if you wrote the book then why did you let the girl get so unhappy? Maybe because the girl is asking to be unhappy. She's too hard to please. She wants the rich, handsome prince on a white horse. So when somebody else shows up in his place and he isn't rich or handsome and he's driving a cab instead of riding a horse, she smiles at him, tells him not to come any closer. Joe, that isn't the way it is. I told you the money doesn't matter. If it isn't the money, then it's me. And it's still like I said, you want a storybook hero and a storybook romance. No, Joe, I'm grown up. I know better. Then look at me, Julie. Write it me. Not through me to a dream that doesn't exist. I'm here and I'm flesh and blood and I'm close to you, this close. And when I reach out my hand and touch you, like this, my hand is real, flesh and blood, maybe it's sweaty, sometimes dirty, but it means one thing that I'm a human being and not perfect. I say things right and I say I'm wrong. I'm kind and I'm cruel. I'm all things, some good and some bad. Just the same as you, Julie. Just the same as you. Look at me now, Julie. Really see me. Know that I'm here with you and know that I'm no more than I am. But that I love you. Can't you see, Julie? Can't you see? Joe, my darling, whoever do I think I am, please forgive me. Sure, you're seeing me for real. No white horses. No white horses, darling. Just kiss me for real. Being no more than I am. Being no less than you are. I love you, Joe. Hey, watch you watch where you're going. How about that guy? Some people think the streets were made just for them, real road hogs all over the place. Sorry if I frighten you. No, no, that's all right. Hey, looks like we're in for some rain or I'd really starting to come down all of a sudden. Can't say I'm minded. Good weather for my business, but then that's the way it is. What's a good day for me is bad for other people. Rain can spoil a day for a lot of people. Me, I like it. Good for my business. Yes. It's always hard to get a taxi on a rainy day. Rain or shine. Day to find something to do with. So you share it with a stranger who speaks without turning his face to you. Look at the picture on his identification card and wonder what sort of man goes with that polite voice from the front seat. Talks about the weather. That's all. In a bad face. No handsome prince on a white horse, he. I wonder what sort of life he lives when he takes off that cap and becomes something else besides a cab driver. I wonder what sort of girl he's something else to. Wonder if they got married and founded an end to being lonely. Wonder if I'd like to trade places with her. That you, Joe? Yeah, it is me. Sorry I'm late. Last fare I picked up took me clear back across town. Hello, darling. You're not tired. Not a you, baby, never. Canasta tonight. Tonight? Mm-hmm. Come on, let's eat. That lie will be here any minute. Well, I'm not putting my shoes back on. Since when have you ever even considered playing canasta with your shoes on? You get some ketchup. Oh, Joe. Such a good roast. Why you spoil the taste? Well, I told you before pork without ketchup is like like ham without eggs. Or canasta without shoes. Mm-hmm. Who won the last time? We did. How much? Mm-hmm. Not much. And gravy good? I think it's just right. How many you tell when you let the ketchup run into it like that? How was business today? Fair. Pretty day. Days like this people should walk. I did. I'm through the park. It was awfully pretty. It's so green after rain. If it's nice Sunday, let's walk. I feel cheated when you walk without me. So do I. We'll walk Sunday. Rain or shine? Stop by the zoo today? Sure. Gave Oswald your love. He spit at me. Well, shame on Oswald. And there's a new little baby monkey. He's a cute little peanut head with big, sad eyes. Oh, yeah? We'll go Sunday. All right. Want some more potatoes? Mm-hmm. What else you do today? Shop for groceries. You know, snacks for the night and stuff. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I ran into Alice Duff. You remember? That's the girl who took my job when I quit, and she told me all about how things are going down at the agency. Oh. Well, how are things going down at the agency? Betty in the front office is wearing her hair in new color. Well, what color used to be? Well, I can't remember. Red, I think. No. Actually, Alice says it is now, so it must have been some other color before. Green? Nice color. Park's very green. You'll see, Sunday. So what else is new? Besides the baby monkey and Betty in the front office is new here? Yeah, sure. Well, I'd say. I know. I'm mad at you. You are, huh? Tastes like a bottle of ketchup. How come you're mad at me? No, wait. Let me guess. It's our anniversary, and I've forgotten. You think I don't love you anymore, so you're going home to mother right after canasta tonight. Guess again. You've developed a guilt complex. You think you're a wicked, sinful girl or ought to be punished because you've been living with a married man, so you're going to leave me and go off and be a monk. A monk? Like Oswald. And spit at people. As a last guess. And if you miss your dry dishes. If I win one. I dry the dishes. You wash them. You're mad at me because you're wearing your hair in new color, and I didn't notice it wasn't red anymore. You're very warm. You're wearing your hair in new color, and I didn't notice it wasn't red anymore. You're getting warmer. I'll give you a hint. I can't accept charity. Kongo claw. That's not fair. You have to give the hint in English. I told you, you were warm. I'm wearing my nails a new color. You didn't notice. Kongo claw. That sounds exotic. Sounds threatening. I put it on for canasta. You look beautiful when you meld. What time is it supposed to be here? Time's it now. It's... 20 of. Can he eat peanuts yet? Who? Oh, oh, the new little baby monkey. Sure, he's awful cute. Look, oh, Sunday. Even if it rains. What'd you say, miss? What, what? Oh, the rain. I said, the park's so pretty when it rains. Would you turn back? It drives me crazy. Turn back. It drives through it again. Sure, miss. You name it. Anything you want. You are listening to Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Tonight's play, call me a cab. Every day of the year, the Red Cross is helping humanity somewhere. Service men rely on it. Disaster victims owe their lives to its prompt help. Communities everywhere know its day-by-day services. All these countless ministries are financed by your contributions. Won't you answer the call to make this year's contribution larger than ever? This rain's going to make a lot of people unhappy. There's plant picnics, baseball games, things like that, then it rains. Yes, it's too bad. It spoils the day. That's right. Families, kids. Rain can spoil things for them. Yes, it can. Can just a little rain spoil things when you're cut one of them alone anymore? There's so much to share. But I'm so glad you're home. I'm just dying to talk to somebody. It seems hours before Joe will be coming. What's up anyway? You sound like the queen. Long before I look like I swallowed something a lot more substantial than a canary. What? I just came from the doctors. Oh, Helen, I'm so glad. Joe's going to be just out of his mind when he hears. Does he have any ideas? No, not an inkling. I wanted to wait. Yes, sure, but break it to him gently. Very hard on husband. I've seen it in the movies, but I'm not sure I can remember just how it's supposed to go. I can. Wait a second, will you? I want to get a cigarette. Yeah. And he comes home to his little wife who has this big secret under her... Oh, yeah. So he comes in the door and he hangs up his hat and coat, and of course he's expecting the usual big hello darling from her and the big welcome kiss like he always gets. Only this time there's not... He says, hello, honey. Still she doesn't say anything. Just keeps looking at him. Then what? Because Adam, the more worried he gets. So finally he asks, and she says, guess. Exactly. Isn't that just awful? Liver me from ever in this world doing anything like that to Joe. Imagine. Greatest thing in the world happens to you. You make your husband play a guessing game to find out what it is. Yes, wait a minute. You haven't heard the word. Guess is wrong, and he says, honey, that's not true. I didn't do it. Oh, no. So of course she gets suspicious because he's got such a guilty conscience and on the happiest day of their life they end up having a big fight. You made it up. But just the same. That's not the way I'm going to break the news to Joe. I want to use the one where the husband, as soon as he finds out, lowers his wife gently into a chair and never lets her touch a vacuum cleaner or a dirty dish for the rest of her life. At least not for the next nine months of it, you know? I'll tell you why. Go out and get some pink and blue yarn and be knitting when he comes in. He'd ask me whose baby shower I was going to. How about drinking eight glasses of milk at dinner? He'd notice when you started looking homogenized. Oh, I know. Why don't you wait until midnight and do the old dill, pickle, and ice cream bit? Oh, I couldn't possibly wait until midnight. I want to tell him the second he comes to the door if I can only locate my tongue at the time. Well, let him sit down first, honey. It's only fair. I will. Honestly, too. I'm so happy for you both. Thanks, Helen. Don't hang up yet. I'll talk to you later. I still don't know how I'm going to tell him. Congratulations. I guess it stopped raining. What? Yes, I guess it has. That looks like it's going to clear up. That's good. Not so good for my business, but nice for the people. Now they can have their picnics and ball games. Uh-huh. You just watch. 15 minutes from now, the park will be packed with people. I suppose so. That's always that way. As soon as it stops raining, everybody comes to the park. I don't blame them. It's so pretty after the rain. You just wait and see. 15 more minutes and all you'll hear is dogs barking and babies crying. I know. As soon as it stops raining, everybody who's got a baby comes to the park. Everybody in the world who's got a baby. Look at this one here. Yeah, thanks. I don't know what's in it. I've been looking at it for an hour now, and I guess I couldn't tell you what's in it. Uh, is this your first tube? That's right. It don't look like it should be, I suppose. I've been married for 14 years blanching me. I couldn't believe it when the doctor told us. It just couldn't believe it. I think it's wonderful. Yeah, it's wonderful. You and your wife have been married? A little over a year. Oh, gee, that's wonderful too. Yeah. Aren't you wondering what it's going to be? Oh, no, no, after this long. It'll be a baby. Oh, sure. It's... It's wonderful. You ought to see Blanche. She's just as radiant as a bride. Oh, sure. It's wonderful. Listen, that sounds like the nurses coming. I guess not. I guess it won't be much longer, though. No, I wouldn't think so. Crazy. A couple of years ago, I sure wouldn't have thought I'd be sitting here in this room watching that clock carrying this much. My wife's name is Julie. Oh, gee, that's nice. Blanche. Wonderful name. Yeah, somebody's coming. Mr. Carson. Is that you? Yeah. Yes, a nurse. Would you like to see your son, Mr. Carson? Hey. Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Carson. Congratulations. My wife. Oh, she's just fine. You'll see her too. You just come along with me. And you too. Thank you. Yeah, sure. Oh, a nurse? Oh, I guess it's not your turn yet. I believe nurse O'Connor's with your wife. She'll let you know. But you may have to have little patience. Sometimes there's quite a long wait. This way, Mr. Carson. Do you miss O'Connor? Yes. Would you come along with me, please? Yeah, sure, sure. Is it a boy or a girl? Aren't you going to tell me before I see... Oh, and Julie, my wife. My baby hasn't been born yet. But, will you mean it's too soon? I know, sometimes. Especially when it's your first. Uh... Do we have to go home again and come back some other time? No, it'll be tonight. Well, then... There's something to matter, isn't there? No, no, you mustn't be frightened. It'll be all right. It's only that your wife's having not too easy a time just now. And the doctor... You said she was all right. She is. She will be. It'll just be good if she knows how near you are. Oh. Well, sure. She should know that. I'm right here. It's this room. The doctor. Oh, yes. The doctor. No, wait a minute, young man. Don't you go getting excited. Everything's all right. Certainly that your wife became a little frightened. Yes, sir. We want her to quiet down. But I think you can do that for us. Just listen to what she's saying and answer her. We don't quite understand, but I think you will. Come with me. Julie? You've got to come with me. There's a little baby. You've got to see him. He's so new and so little. If he didn't be not starling, we'll see him together. Joe, next time you come with me. Julie, honey, I'm with you now. We're going to see the baby together. It's raining. No, Julie. No, no. The sun's coming out. The baby's crying. What? Where? Over there in that buggy beside the bench, I guess. It's all right. There's the nurse. Oh, yeah. Yeah. On the other side of the park. Do you want me to turn back again? No. No, I think I'll walk back. The park's so pretty after the rain. So green. That's a 325, nurse. Yes. Here you are. Keep the change. Yeah, thanks. Enjoy your walk. It may turn out to be a nice day. It might even be a little sun later on. Yes. Thanks. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for listening. And good night. Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage is transcribed and directed by Mr. Lewis. George Walsh speaking. And remember, listen while you work. Enjoy Road of Life every Monday through Friday in the daytime on the CBS Radio Network.