 J.T. S.L.L.O. The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harrison is orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with who knows from Rosalie. You can always score three ways when you serve Jell-O for desserts. First, it's easy to make. Second, it's economical. And third, it's always delicious. Jell-O is so easy to prepare. Just dissolve it in hot water and chill until it's firm. That's all you have to do to get a clear shimmering mold of Jell-O. And Jell-O is so economical too. A package costs only a few cents and it's always more popular than many expensive desserts. Then last but certainly not least, Jell-O is delicious. It has a tempting full-flavored taste that rivals the fresh ripe fruit itself. All six flavors are extra rich. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. You'll enjoy them all and want to serve them often. Just be sure to insist on genuine Jell-O when you buy. For there's only one Jell-O and only Jell-O brings you that special extra rich fruit flavor. So look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Ladies and gentlemen, the selection you just heard was who knows from Rosalie. And now we bring you Jack Benny from Waukegan. Well, Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking and I must ask you one thing, Don. How do you ever think of all those cute introductions about me? Well, I don't think of them, Jack. I just open my mouth and there you are. Well, anyway, I'm glad you were considerate today. I feel much too good to start an argument. I really do. Oh, you don't say. Well, now what's the cause of your sudden exuberance? Well, I'll tell you, Don, I just about forgot. I wasn't feeling so hot for a couple of weeks, so I drove down to Palm Springs for a rest. And I want to tell you that desert is marvelous for you. I never saw so much sand without spinach. And the sun, you know, I was out in the sun from morning till night. Oh, you were? Well, you're not very tan. Well, believe me, Don, right up to the last day I was as brown as a berry. And what happened? I got my hotel bill and turned white. Asked Mary. She drove down with me. I sure did. Was the hotel really that expensive, Mary? Yes, but Jack got his money back and towels alone. Oh, what's that? Everybody takes a towel or two. A towel or two? The back of your car looks like a linen closet. Now, don't believe her, Don. Hey, Jack, don't tell me you drove down in that old Maxwell of yours. Yes, we did, Phil, and we had no trouble at all. How long did it take you? Oh, we made pretty good time. Believe me, we stepped right along. Mary, tell them how we whizzed by that big Rolls Royce. You mean the one that was out of gas? Well, we would have passed it anyway. But to tell you the truth, fellas, the only real trouble we had was with hitchhikers. You know, bothering and thumbing at us all the time, you know. Well, that must have been annoying. Oh, it was. Tell them where they had their thumbs, Jack. Well, that's not important. Say, Jack, how far is Prom Springs from here? Oh, it's only a two-hour drive. Haven't you ever been there, Kenny? I started to go there once, but I got seasick. Seasick? Kenny, how can you get seasick on land? I wore a sailor suit. Oh, I knew that wouldn't get a big laugh. I knew it, I knew it. I just knew it. But Kenny, Kenny, you ought to go to Prom Springs sometimes. Now, really, you ought to go there. It's the healthiest place you've ever seen. You'd love it. Oh, California's good enough for me. But Kenny, Prom Springs is in California, and it always has been. Oh, don't be so gullible. Gullible? You don't even know what gullible is. What's that got to do with it? You got me there. What are you giggling at, Mary? I'm just reading a letter from my mother. Gee, she's a scream. Oh, are we going to have that again this year? Look, Jack, look how she starts this letter. How? An open letter to my daughter, Mary. Reading time, four minutes, 10 seconds. Say, that's all right. What's she got to say? She says, my darling daughter, received your letter and sorry that I was unable to answer sooner. I have been very busy doing spring cleaning, which slipped my mind last May. Anyway, I want to thank you very much for the check you enclosed, even though you forgot to sign it. Oh, Mary. However, your brother Hillard signed it for you, which got a big laugh at the bank and he is now in Leavenworth. In Leavenworth? The judge wanted to send him to Atlanta, but he was there before and didn't like it. Oh, he'll enjoy Leavenworth much more. We had a lot of excitement on Halloween. Your father and I were out all night ringing doorbells and banging on windows. Well... It was some fun until a man came out and banged your father. Oh, what a shame. And that isn't all. That same night, your grandfather had another attack of jaundice. Jaundice? So he stuck a candle in his mouth and used him for a jack-o'-lantern. Well, that's novel. Say, Mary, do you remember that big police dog the people next door own? Well, the other day they let him out without his muzzle and your Uncle Willie bit him. Your Uncle Willie? Oh, isn't he the one that used to run the barbershop? Yeah, that's him. Oh, I thought so. Read on, Mary. Tell Jack your Uncle Willie is not running the barbershop anymore. Oh. He was caught combing a customer's hair and pockets. That's a nice family you've got. Tell Jack if he makes one more crack about us, I'll stop this letter. Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Livingston. Must close now. The man from the post office just came to get his pen back. He'll be a good girl and give my best to all your ever-loving mama. Well, that's some letter. Oh, there's more. Yes. Oh. Uh, please stop riding around in Jack's old Maxwell as they are threatened to take us out of the blue book. Tell your mother to mind her own business. Go ahead and sing, Kenny, before there's another P.S. Go ahead. Palm Springs in California. Oh, same. Mary, when you answer that letter, be sure and then close, Kenny, will you? That's what I call real vocalizing, yes, sir. That was Roses in December, sung by Kenny Baker in November. Gee, I'm sorry, Jack. There's nothing to be sorry about, Kenny. You can sing a December song in November. That's right. I knew a fellow who sang June and January in August. You did. Who was it? Me. Ain't I the one? Yeah, you certainly are. And now tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real surprise for you. Something old yet new. Something you will all enjoy. And I know... See who that is, Mary. Okay. So tonight, folks, we are going to present... Oh, Jack, there are a couple of boys out here who want to see you. Oh, send them in. Why don't you ask him, Henry? No, you ask him yourself, loudmouth. All right, I'll handle this. Well, what is it, boys? What do you want to know? Mr. Benny, is that your automobile parked downstairs in front of the studio? Well, yes, it is. Does it run? Run? Of course it runs. My, my. Well, what about it? Nothing. I just lost three dollars. Here you are, Henry. That's a fine thing. I'm going to throw a blanket over that car and stop all this gambling. Go on, you ought to sell it to a junk man. You'll have to fix it up first. See, all you guys get a big kick out of my car, don't you? Yeah. Jack, Jack, tell him what happened on the way to Palm Springs. I won't. Don't you start anything like you did last week. Why? What happened, Mary? Well, we started out about nine o'clock in the morning and when we got to Pomona, Jack stopped for a gallon of gas. A gallon? He wanted to buy a pint. I did not. I always buy a gallon. Say, Jack, what's the idea of only buying one gallon at a time? Because I got too much money invested in the car already. That's why. So what happened, Mary? Well, after we got the gas, the man put water in the radiator and was Jack mad. Mad why? All of his peanuts got wet. Oh, it's getting so you can't even roast a peanut anymore without people laughing at you. Now, if you fellas have all had your little fun, I will announce our play for tonight. Are there any objections? No, no. Well, thanks. It's just too, too terribly decent of you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, in response to numerous requests and by popular demand, tonight we are going to present that epic of the great outdoors. Another stirring episode of last year's famous serial. What was that? Someone threw a stone through the window. Gosh, it hit Kenny on the head. It did? Ouch! Look, look, there's a no tie to it. What does it say? Wait a minute. Get this, fellas. It says... It's almost a year now and you haven't caught me yet. Yours truly, Cactus Face. Cactus Face! So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to present another dramatic chapter in the life of Buck Benny. This will go on immediately after the next number. Play field. Harris and his buckaroos. And, Phil, that was powerful, nice tootin'. Powerful nice. Oh, a tward nothin', tward nothin'. Tward two, Phil. Tward two. You twelm, Jack. Hush, gal. And now, ladies and gents, for another ripped snortin' play, the first of our new series entitled Buck Benny Rides Again or Stop Your Breakin' My Heart. The scene of tonight's play is the little cow town of Rumpstake, Texas. As usual, I will play the part of Sheriff Buck Benny, as tough an ombre has ever tied a rattlesnake into a slipknot. Hold it, boys. Mary Livingston will be Daisy Carson, my sweetheart. That's me. Phil Harris will be her pappy. Yeah, man. And Don and Kenny will double as deputy sheriffs and horses. Nice goin', boys. Get your salary and oats this week. We now take you to the office of the sheriff of Tactus County, a week before election day. Curtain, music. Morning, sheriff. How ya buck? Morning, deputies. Anything happen last night? Yes, sheriff. There was a hold up in the First National Bank, a murder night Muller Saloon and a double feature at the Gem Theater. Double feature, eh? That's bad. Anything else? Yeah, somebody stole my badge. Stole your badge? Why didn't you have it pinned to your shirt? I did, and they got that too. Well, here's another badge, and don't pin it to your pants. All right, but if they fall down, it's your fault. Fine, deputy. No wonder I'm worried about the election. Have you heard any talk about it, Wilson? Yes, sheriff. Things look mighty tough for ya. They do, eh? Yep. Your opponent, dead-eye Cass, he's around telling everybody you're a low-down crook. Shucks, they know that. And he says you're a lazy good-for-nothing bum. Who cares? And he says you get your fingernails manicured. That's a lie! I'll bite some more! What else did dead-eye say? Why, he accuses you of being afraid to catch cactus fades. I wasn't afraid, but that's the one thing this town's going to hold against me. And that sure worries me. Oh, well. Veenie, veenie, veenie, veenie, tootsie, belly, belly, belly, waiting for you. Veenie, veenie, veenie, veenie. Dog gone, I'm worried. Well, if you're so worried, sheriff, why are you singing? I ain't singing good, am I? Well, anyway, boys, I'm going to make a campaign speech tonight that'll make dead-eye Cassidy look like a nickel. Well, he said his speech is going to make you look like two cents. Well, that low-down price-cutting vomit. He ain't got a chance. Is that the phone, sheriff? It ain't the recess bell. Answer it. Okay. Hello? Yes. Gosh, I don't know. I'll have to ask the sheriff. Who is it, Baker? It's your opponent, dead-eye Cassidy. Oh, what does he want? He's writing his campaign speech and wants to know how to spell Laos. Laos, eh? L-O-U... Hey, wait a minute! Hang up that phone! Of all the mean, underhanded tricks I ever heard, that's the lowest. Well, sheriff, we better get down to the town hall if you're going to make your speech. That's right. Come on, boys. I've got to stop off on the way and pick up Daisy. Let's go. Steady, partner. Come in. Yee-haw! Here we are, men. Whoa, partner. Nice jubblin', boys. Wait here for me. I'll be out in a minute. Okay, sir. Hello, Daisy. Hello, tall, dark and flat-footed. Well, gal, your arches ain't exactly suffering from high altitude. Ain't you going to ask me in? Sure, but wipe your boots off first. I didn't. That's the lumpiest doormat I ever felt. Y'all gone as happy laying there again. Oh, is that him? Hello, Frank. Hello, Buck. Well, Frank, cause an arm machine to you. I thought you swore off drinking. Well, I did. I ain't drank nothing but milk for three weeks. Milk? And why are you in that condition? He feeds the cow jins. He does. How do you milk her, Frank? On the run, Buck. On the run. Daisy, you ought to do something about your papi. Don't you ever try to sober him up? Well, I put an aspirin tablet in his brandy, but he drinks around it. Well, he's pretty tricky. Say, Buck, how's your campaign coming along? Yes, fine, Daisy. And I don't think my opponent did eye-cassidy. He's got a chance. I don't know about that. He's been out all morning kissing babies. That won't do him no good. It won't, eh? These babies are old enough to vote. Well, that's awful. Wait a minute. Did he kiss you, Daisy? If he didn't, I'm a run on a temperature. Well, gal, all I could say is I'll love you. And whether I win or lose, you'll marry me, won't you, gal? I can't never marry you, Buck, never, unless Papi gives his consent. Well, then we'll leave it to him. He'll settle it. Either we get married or we don't. What'll it be, Papi? Straight brandy. Well, Daisy, yes, I'll have to ask him when he's sober. Guess what I said, Buck? I can't never marry you. That's a dog-gone king. Hey, Sheriff, better hurry up if you want to make your speech. That's right. Come on along, Daisy. We got to get to the town hall. All right, Pete. Frank, why don't you quit laying in front of that door? All paint. Well, come on me and shout out. I ain't got time. Come on, Daisy. And you'll hear a speech that'll go down in the history of Rump Steak, Texas. Let's go, boys. Buck, then he rides again. Here we are. Whoa, Buck. Well, come on, Daisy. Here's the town hall. I'm a trail in you, Buck. Hey, Deputy Baker. Yes, sir. Now listen to me, and this is important. I'm going to make my speech right now. And every time I come to a vital point, that is when I'll say something good about myself. I want you to holler, hooray. Hooray. That's it. Now don't forget it. Come on, boys. Let's go inside. Howdy, Sheriff. How are you, Buck? Hi, boys. Hi. Can I ask you to fasten out any campaign cigars, Buck? Nope. I did that the last time, and during near lost the election. Well, we're about ready for you, Sheriff. I'm ready, too. Did my opponent get here yet? Here he is, right here. Oh, hello, dead eye. Hello, friends. Well, dead eye, what do you think of your chances? Put me down for a landslide. Don't be too sure. We're ready for our speeches, Joe. OK, gentlemen. The first speaker of the evening is our own local G-man, Buck Benny. Thanks, Joe. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been Sheriff of this here county for the past four years. And whenever I've seen my duty, I've seen it. My record during this time speaks for itself. Them with cows, I'd feel better. Friends, I worked and sleeved in this community for four long years. And my opponent, dead eye Cassidy, has the nerve to say that I'm a low-down conniving crook. Hooray! Not there, Kenny. I'm taking you to accept my words for it. I'm going to call on a young lady who will tell you the facts of my career. A young lady who has known me for a long time. Miss Daisy Cawson. Get up, Daisy. Say a little more. I'm going to be a sheriff. Add again. What if he is a coward? Is that a crime? That's enough, gal. Thank you, Miss Cawson. I'm going to call upon the Chief Deputy, Deputy Wilson, who will say a few words in my behalf. Ladies and gentlemen, when you go to the polls next week, be sure and stop at your grosses for a package of jello. It's America's favorite dessert. And comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Ah, thank you. Thanks, Wilson. That ought to get me the sliced banana pole. Oh, how did that arrow get in my way? One of the Indians in the back row just voted. Well, I'll leave it in there. You might get a job posing for a Valentine's Day. And then livestock. I can only say this. Remember my slogan? You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people any time, but no matter what time it may be, I'll go as water please. I say the same thing that General Pershing said when he landed in France. What did he say? He said, Lafayette, what are you doing here? I'm not here to sing hallelujah. May name me a star. I'm not here to insult my voyeur Poland. All I say is, Buck Benny is a low-down sizzler with a capitol suit. Quiet cowboy, I'll smack you up and down. Let me at him, I'll show him. Fuck, fuck. Look out, Sheriff. He's a reason for his gun. I'm a drawn two. I'm all right, Daisy. Quick, get a jackass. He needs a transfusion. Any help from you, dead eyes? I'm going to win this election all by myself. Come on, name me Buck Benny. Take it, Wilson. This will be continued next Sunday night. Who will be elected sheriff of Cactus County? Will it be Buck Benny? You said it. Will it be Jedi Cassidy? I said it. Tune in next Sunday night and find out. Play, Phil. Here's a great combination for a November night, a comfortable dining room, a nice hot dinner, and something extra special than dessert. And that's something extra special is Jello raspberry tarts, the most delicious dessert idea you've tried in a long time. And an extra treat right now when most of you can't enjoy fresh berries. Raspberry tarts, so easy to make. All you do is add half a cup of red raspberry jam to one package of raspberry jello. Chill until slightly thickened, turn into baked tart shells, and chill until firm. Crisp tart shells fill to the brim with jam molded in rich, glowing raspberry jello, with a flavor as luscious as the fresh berries themselves. For Jello has a true fruit taste, that, combined with raspberry jam, makes these tarts so tempting and good you're bound to win the praise of your entire family. So try these Jello raspberry tarts, but be sure you make them with genuine jello, because jello brings you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor. Ask your grocer tomorrow for Jello. The new Jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. So be sure and listen in and find out the results of the election. Well, Daisy, how do you think it'll turn out? Do you think the best man will win? Nope, Buck. I think you got a chance. Makes me feel better. Good night, folks. Daisy, help, help! Closes in December from the life of the party. This is an actual broadcast.