 Well hello and welcome to understand men now I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as I dot com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for You today our topic. What's a good pace pace for dating or relationships? What's a good pace? I'm trying to get my arms right Really quickly if the content here resonates with you This is actually called actually I it's actually Jonathan from the heart These are my Saturday videos, but these are very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called midlife love mastery check out the link below to join the group It's a great way to interact with me on a regular basis, and I answer your questions by shooting short videos in the group for those That ask questions. All right our topic. What's a good pace to be in relationship? So it's kind of interesting I recently had an experience where I Briefly dated a woman this just happened the last week Or two weeks I should say Where the pace was off and I want to kind of share the story and tell me if this resonates with you so She had emailed me from a dating site. I'll just be honest. It was match.com not honest I'll be transparent. It was match.com. It's not honesty She wrote me first and she happened to have Sought me my profile actually has my book what the heck is self-love anyway in the picture And she noticed that my name was the same as the book So she googled me and she watched some videos of mine and she goes and she wrote me. Oh my god I like your work. I appreciate your wisdom blah blah blah and I wrote her back and I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or Interested me from a dating perspective Oh by the way Really quickly my coffee says coffee tastes better when shared my coffee mug and my t-shirt says I've got your back See no back. I've got your back. If you like the t-shirt, please post a comment below So so when I wrote her back I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or was interested in me professionally So we wrote her back had a cute little message Because we live local and we end up getting on the phone shortly thereafter and we really it was like It was like starting in mid-sentence. I literally felt that kind of comfort talking to her on the phone And we planned to date for a few days later and I was really excited because I'm attracted to her photographs I got the sense she was attracted to me because she even Suggested that when we were on the phone. So I thought there was mutual Attraction which is a great place to start because oftentimes in the online dating world You're looking at pictures and you're like I can't tell if this is ten years old or they're wearing sunglasses Or there's a you know They're sushi plate that they ate the night before which really makes no sense when it's all about trying to connect with a person Or they've got photographs where there's tons of people around. I mean and God forbid you ladies do that Snapchat crap on your photos. Oh my god. I can't stand that Just a little FYI anyway so So we had our date and I thought we had a great time I mean we really connected up there was we agreed that there was physical attraction and whatnot And I'll be candid with you. I kind of came on strong This relates to pace. I was excited. I hadn't been this excited in what felt like a decade I hadn't been excited on a first date. Have you ever felt that way where you just got excited if you did? Please post a comment below. I want to hear about it. So I probably came on a little too strong and We had planned a second date a few days later And by the way, she literally lives a mile and a half from me and the date was kind of flat and she was tired She expressed that she had a long day. She was tired But that the energy just wasn't the same as the first and So she was sweet enough to write me in the morning and I wrote her back And I could tell that something was off. I I could feel that the pace between us was off and Sure enough, she wrote me back saying she felt pressure from me and Basically saying I was being too forceful too needy and I thought about that and And I looked inward and I'll be candid with you. I mean it was a rejection. I mean it really Through me for a loop and then I started to beat myself up over it I started to beat myself up for over it as if I did something wrong that my pace was wrong and This is where I had to come back to my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway because why am I beating myself up? I barely know this person this person barely knows who I am I'm going to get to pace in a second But why I'm sharing this with you is oftentimes when something is off we can beat ourselves up And that's just not the right thing to do. It's and I say not right I don't mean it in a right or wrong, but it's you know, there's no need to beat oneself up But that's what I did because I was told I did something wrong. That's what it felt like So reminds me of why I recommend the book from Brene Brown the gifts of imperfection the gifts of imperfection The dating process isn't this perfect thing And oftentimes when it's off, there's a good reason for it So maybe I want you to think of pace like a like a two cars traveling down a road and all of you know I talk about a two-lane street, right? So what if my pace was driving at 50 miles an hour and her pace was 10 miles an hour I'm not saying that's what it was. I'm just saying what if to her that's gonna feel like you're going too fast Whereas I think when you meet the right person The pace is actually along the same lines. The pace is Relatively close to one another. Maybe I'm at the 50 miles and she's at 48 miles or maybe she's at 49 and I met 47 but it's relatively close when two people meet and When and look at I'm a believer of dating one person at a time. I'm a believer of dating one person at a time Why because I think one of the fundamental problems in Relationships today is a lack of commitment to the process a lack of commitment lack of commitment to the Relationship process to the partnership process and even the dating process Now some coaches will tell you don't you know, don't put you all your eggs in one basket because you have to protect yourself You have to protect yourself. You have to put armor around yourself and date multiple multiple people So you don't get sucked into one person So what that does is effectively it creates people as commodities And I think that's one of the real issues going on today is a lack of a commitment to the process I'm fully committed to the process. I'm interested in getting to know one person at a time How long does it take to get to know a person? You could see each other three or four times in a two or three week period of time It doesn't if you live close enough in your schedules work together It's not that hard to see someone a couple three or four or five times in three weeks People can't take three weeks off from you got to date so many other people to protect yourself I don't think it's a big deal, but hey everyone to each their own. This is just I'm sharing my personal experience That's why it's called Jonathan from the heart But then I thought about this later Could I have sabotaged this could I have sabotaged this relationship by coming too strong because I Think when a good pace in relationship is when you're traveling at the same speed So was I crashing into this person? Was I sabotaging it? What if I did What if that sabotage was protecting me from something in the future? That's one way of looking at maybe she's sabotaged The relationship to protect her By saying I'm when I say sabotage by saying I went too fast. I'm not saying that's what it is I'm just saying that could be but I also believe thing everything happens for a reason and everything happens for you and not to you Everything happens for you not to you. This is why I'm a believer check out the book Spiritual partnership by Gary Zukoff spiritual partnership by Gary Zukoff By the way all the links to the books is in the Jonathan recommends which is in the description And again, don't forget these are personalized videos just like in my group midlife love mastery. Check out the link below all right, so I Don't believe I believe everything happens for so what was the lesson here for me? And I'm sharing this with you because the pace of relationship. It should be like look it I get It was like a human being walking up to a horse. Okay, they got spooked. Maybe that's what happened with her, okay? But again, that's a human being in a horse when two horses come together if they're aligned they do what's called the sniff test They sniff each other Then it goes sniffing other horses They sniff one person to see if this is really the right relationship for them And I think when two people are aligned to who they are and what they want the pace is relatively in alignment The pace is relatively in alignment You know, it's interesting I have a single person out there. I very selective on who I'd like to meet. I actually Approach this process more With an intentionality and purpose and that might intimidate some women or that might turn them off That's okay, because I do know one thing. I made it for the long haul. I'm not here for the short run And online look at online dating is where most people are meeting these days, especially now with COVID And it's not the perfect system. It's a it's not the perfect system Mostly because we've got a lot of wounded people in there seeking connection and companionship and sex But are incapable of actually being in a healthy happy relationship. So you're swimming through a lot of murky waters Men and women alike. It's no different for me My friend Max says I should use my YouTube channel to meet my wife and look at I want to get married So maybe I should put an application to marry Jonathan down there. That's what he suggests I should do which I think is kind of funny But I want to be in a relationship where I've got your back Coffee tastes better with shared And I think when you meet the right person the pace of a good of dating and relationship is in line You don't have to question it. It's not going to be hard. You don't have to feel it's not going to feel pressure And it's not going to be overwhelming Look I got excited and I'm happy I did it's a reminder that a good relationship the right relationship out there is There for me. It's out there and I'm not giving up on that because when we give up That's when we don't find what we seek and that's my invitation for you Look I didn't curse in this video. Oh, I'll say fuck. Okay, if anyone notice that please post a comment below Hey, if you have any questions about this video, or you think you'd like to join the group check out the link to my VIP group Called metal. I love mastery. All right, I'm gonna sign off this videos I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job the bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all Have a lot more love in our lives right now. Thanks so much wishing you a fabulous day. Bye. Bye now