 You're not to fucking touch her without consent! Dude, that is age-restricted. Welcome to episode number 12 of the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. Sorry I had to hear that, guys. We were just having a heated discussion about something that happened on the weekend. I don't want to talk about it anymore, but Matt, you're in the wrong, OK? That's what that's. I'm just going to leave it at that. How is everyone? I'm a bit tired, but hey, look, I'm here. I had some athletic greens. It's pepping me up a bit. I'm ready to go. We're doing some big weeks at the moment. Hey, fucking hell, can't we film some fucking shit, man? It's crazy. So much shit going on all the once. It's like a big fucking big fuck around. And since we're filming pranks again, we're all on edge. See? See how Matt flinched and shit? Do you think that was water? Yeah, I thought something was coming on. Holy shit, see how on edge everyone is. We have James here with us today. Jimbo Johnson, James. Fuck, I want a king hit him at the moment. Hey, like that week. Oh, I can't look at you for longer than like three seconds. Oh, my God, bouncy. Oh, the cum was a whole new world. The mince was moving. So what's been going on? Well, I had some good news today on the health front. I went to the last cardiologist appointment and died. Dude, pump it, pump it. So Mass just opened the cum bottle. It's a mint bottle. Shirts too tight to fucking wrap around. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's on my hand. I'm just going to wait for that to pass before we continue. I was going to use this to cover my mouth, but I don't think I will grab a clean one. Why has it got dirt all over? Anyway, I doubt that's dirt. Anyway, let's let's let's get into it. Hey, let's leave that mince bottle. It's actually it's risen the smell. So I haven't had any yet. Hot air rises. Yeah. So cardiologists, all good news. He's even said, don't go back on the blood pressure medication, try and go natural for four months and then come back. If it's still up, then I've got to go on the blood pressure medication. So that is the end of the heart saga for a while. It got scary. How scary and good is that? It got scary for a bit. Oh, shit. That's so crazy that they tried to force you into blood pressure pills. Yeah, they couldn't believe the first car that your cardiologist was such a dumb cunt. I'm so glad I went to get other opinions. We should name and shame it. Yeah. Dr. Harrison, his name was. I was joking, but OK. No, he wasn't. Dr. Harrison, any cardiologists, imagine if some Dr. Harrison had all these appointments canceled tomorrow and then you went home and hit his wife because of the financial stress because she has like a chopping addiction and he just comes home and just fucking hits her across the face. Fucking age restricted. I'm just speaking in hypotheticals, Matt Brown. Matt is a drug dealer Brown with a nappy on. You've got to say that. Oh, there's been wedding plannings going on. The boys came to try on their suits on the weekend. Yeah. The box is coming up. Mon had her Hens party last weekend, which seems quite a lot. Oh, man, she's been down. She's been struggling to get out of bed. Is it? Yeah, they come down for the flights. Yeah, so it's Wednesday now and she's still feeling a bit down about it. So three days to recover from two days of partying. Yeah. Why was it two days? Of partying. Yeah. Well, you can't have a box or a Hens. You have one day. Yeah, same as what we're doing. You have like the intimate group and then you have the fucking, all the fucking boys come around slinging fucking. Is it usually two days? It never used to be. It's more of a modern thing, but I'm fine with it. I won't mind to be a week. Actually, three months. We should start now. A glass pipe in one room can't just Michael on his own for three months. He'd fucking love that. I will come for the first few days. Dude, if you give me a golf course in Fortnite, I'm there. I'm just smelling it now. Sinking is what has now fucking gathered to James's nostrils. But all in all, if we really look back at the last two months, how good is it now that Marty's heart is fixed? Oh, I have. I've actually got us a celebration. I got us a bag. Oh, are you looking at me? Because he bought her off you, you dressed up drug dealer. Oh, we just sort of dismissed. Now you're all good. We just start fucking hitting it again. Yeah. No, no. Yes. So I have to still, I have to get this down. I've got four months to get it down. I do have to go on blood pressure medication, which isn't good for someone my age. So I still want to stick to this, but this month it's going to be hard. We got Michael's birthday this weekend. I don't think we don't have to go hard. Yeah, I'm not going to, but it'll be the first. It's over a hundred days sober now. A hundred and one days right now. So I'm just going to try alcohol and see what fucking happens. A bottle of wine. One or two bottles and see what happens. We'll have a few beers. We could go to the casino. It's near the restaurant we're going to. It's near the casino. So I had to buy four now. Oh, yeah. I thought about the gift. Have you thought about that? If you guys just got me cash, because then when I do want something, then I'll just get it. That's true. Michael does like cash. Cause I'm broke at the moment. Transferring some money. Yeah. Weddings are fucking expensive, man. That's so shit though. That or like I was thinking of getting a Broncos membership. A four iron or a three iron, but like. Should we all put money in here? He was genuinely pitching a Broncos membership. There's no fucking way I'd ever use that. I got a text and I was like, yes. If I could go to like even the corporate box, Broncos for free, where there's free dinner, free piss. Even if Peter Sterling was there, I would say no. No, you wouldn't. Not if Peter Sterling was there. Yeah. You did that well, but he's more a commentator, but he did play. Yeah. I would. Okay. I'd probably go if he was there. He's a lovely man. He's bald. Yeah. I go there. He used to play for Paramount of Eels. Dude. Oh. Trivia is improving. Just guess. That might be matters. Michael Thind. No. NRL. Oh my God. That's not a bad topic, bro. That's a terrible idea. Yeah, Matt. We're so good too. Surely you'd win that. I mean, that was a flop. He hates it, but he knows it. No, he knows what he has. He knows what he has. He doesn't know anything about NRL. He knows what he hates. What was the name he said the other day? He combined like six different players. What was it? Like Wendall Locklear or something? It's like Jon Alamoo. Oh, it was ridiculous. He put like 15 different Broncos players and somehow minced it into one name. Yeah. Alfalangi is. That's right. Feels right saying that shit. Yeah, sorry. Now, last week, you guys may have mentioned we cut out the Who's a Better Brown and the Horoscopes. And the Horoscope says we saw in the comments that there's quite a reaction. You guys want the Horoscopes back. So we're going to do it this way. We think that maybe the Horoscopes are the reason why we're getting age restricted. So if we don't get age restricted again this week without the Horoscope, we may just have to die them down a little bit. The current podcast is not age restricted. I think, yeah, I know the one that came out that doesn't have a horoscope in it. Yeah, that hasn't been age restricted. And it's actually fine. And there's no horoscope. There's not going to be a horoscope this episode. But next week, I'll write one and we'll see if that one gets age restricted. So I don't know. You won't write one. You'll find one from Matt. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. I reckon we just get the consensual ones out from Matt's story. Yeah, but even so, I think just the way Matt speaks is just, and the things that he does is just very predatory. I don't know. I just feel like YouTube wouldn't want that on there. Tough words. You know? So we'll see. So I don't want the Horoscopes to be like a dulled down version so the podcast doesn't get age restricted. I'd rather just not have one at all. Not read one. You're just hearing it all or nothing type of guy. Yeah. Because it then takes the fun out of reading them as well if they're like PG. But we'll see what happens. So stay tuned and don't worry. We'll do our best to include them. We just may have to censor them a little bit. But everything else remains. And this week we got fucking James. We got Matt vs. Michael. We got fucking Tinder adventures. And we got some fucking Tinder adventures. Holy shit. We got prank call. Everyone's back and ready. And we're going to do some German or gibberish because we've seen a fair few comments. You guys want some German shit back. So let's fucking get in on what can't. Sponsors. Michael has a business adventure. Oh yes. I want to discuss this. Now I've asked the boys but I thought what way to get you focused on something exciting. What way to get me focused on something. This could be a little passion project of yours. Yeah. Because you know wholesome is like fuck off man. I'm not going to like this. So I reckon like instead of putting all fucking eggs in the wholesome basket. Me and you can start something called. Cantals. What. Exactly. Say it again. Cantals. Cantals. So you know what candles are right. Yeah. And you know what they can do. They light up. Yeah. So. Me and you I'll buy. Okay look. I'll buy the packaging. You buy the wax. Actually I'll buy the wicks. You buy the wax. And we'll sell them. Candles. Cantals. Candles. So they're candles. But without the wicks. So they do not light. You just said you were going to buy the wicks. Yeah exactly. I was trying to trick you. They don't have to buy anything. You just got business bamboozled. Smart. Good. Okay look I'll buy it. We'll split it 50-50. I'll buy half the wax. You buy half the wax. So they're candles that can't light. Beautiful candles. Why would we have candles that can't light. Because they're called cantals. They're cantals. Why would anyone buy that? Opposites are always cool. Like people like fucking blue. Why do people buy candles? Why do people buy candles? For multiple reasons. So these are like cantals for multiple reasons. You know how you buy... Okay look this would be our fucking motto. You buy candles to light. You buy cantals to not light. To darken. To dark. Are you in or are you not? And you use cantals during the day. And you use candles at night. Cantals are for the day. You get 10%. They still smell good. They still smell good. And they still smell good yeah. Okay. You get 10% of the company. Huge cent. I don't know. It doesn't sound like something is going to be successful. We split it 50-50 but you get 10%. Why wouldn't it be successful bruv? That didn't make sense. No we'll split the cost. Split it 50-50 and I get 10%. Split the cost 50. You get 10%. See I was like down for a second and then you just... Okay we'll go 50-50 and everything. In or you're not? You got 5 seconds. You got 5 seconds. Can or you can't? That's dumb. Let's explore why you don't think it's successful. Because people want candles that light. We'll make one. One of the cantals will smell like roses. Before candles were around what did people do? People didn't go around thinking I want a waxy thing that lights up. And you know what? I have a candle in my bathroom and this is a true story. I purposely don't light because it smells of fucking cinnamon and my whole bathroom smells delicious. Never light it. Never light it. It looks great. Looks lovely. So cantals can just smell and look nice. And we can do one with just your ear waxes? Imagine that. You can have sculptures of all your victims as cantals. Alright we'll talk about later. And they can smell of the things that you did to them. And one will smell like roses. Onto the sponsors. Thank you. Sorry. Athletic Greens has been changing our lives since we first started taking it. It's got 75 vital key nutrients that you don't and can't get through fucking eating your fucking shit dinners that you're fucking stuffing down your... Don't have any time. We'll go through KFC drive-thru tonight. Sit on the couch half fucking pissed and fall asleep at 9pm. You piece of shit. Have some Athletic Greens to counter all that crap. So at least you don't die at 60. Am I last at 65? AthleticGreens.com slash fully actual. Get a free fucking travel pack. It's a monthly subscription and they just send you their product. It's a powder. Once a day you feel very good. This is scientific shit. Joe Rogan even raves about it. It's legit. We all have it. Read the comments of the people who've bought it. Our whole office takes it now. It's a fucking hit. It's a fucking hit. It wakes you up. Can't tell, Michael. I've had two days. Had two? I feel much better. I was really tired. But now I'm like normal. See? I got the little fairies. You know the little fairies you get? From that scream that I did. Do it again. I want to try it. I can't do that. I can't do that. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! You try it. Try it. Matt, have a go. I want Matt to have a go. Please, Matt. One. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Come on, Matt. Come on, Matt. Do it. Woo! Woo! Woo! That's all right, man. Damn it. That's what Athletic Greens gave us the energy to do that. That's what it does to your body. Matt didn't have any, so that's why he didn't. I did have some. How dare you? That's why you did it well. I didn't have someone you had someone... Anyway, AthleticGreens.com. Sush, fully actual. Get in on it. Sorry. Fuck, man. Manscaped. Look how black and gross and hairy my fucking legs are. Look at that. then with one sweep of Matt's manscaped lawn mower, all of the hair just falls to the floor that Matt has to clean later on. I cut my pews. Boom, look at that. So quick and effortless, I can use this in the shower and I don't feel like a fucking huge bag of shit who hates his fucking life, doesn't have any real friends or a partner, has no ambitions and is stuck in a job that he hates and in this routine that's gonna guarantee an early death. So that's the main benefit of manscaped. So if you wanna go and feel like I'm feeling right now, I'm feeling more and more powerful as we go, right? All these fucking hairs fucking off and I'm fucking feeling better and better and I'm looking better and better and better. So go to their website, manscaped.com, use our discount code fully actual 20% for 20% off, cunt, write 20% off, they got all sorts of shit. Look at Michael right now. Look at what he's fucking doing. Is that thing even on Michael? Oh man, I got a G-spot. Michael's found a G-spot in his nose with a manscaped product. Don't you understand, cunt? You're sitting there looking around, you're fucking, look at your belly. Look down at your fucking fat, fuck, hairy belly. Yuck. You think anyone's gonna touch you? You don't wanna touch you. So go to fucking manscaped and fix that shit and start fixing your fucking life. God, you're pissing me off, cunt. Fully actual 20, 20% off your fucking cunt, hairy shit, shave it off and send it in. Cunt. Amen. Also for women. Yeah. Yeah, even in like, I'm pretty sure you can call it women's scape too. Look at this. Look, it's my legs nearly completely shaved in the space of 30 seconds. It's hot, man. I honestly love this shit. Do you know how annoying long nose hairs are? Oh yeah. I get so pissed. Oh, by the way, guys, we now, because we went to the PO box and we're pretty sure we've been sent some pubes, we now have a pube box. Oh, there's so many between your legs, gather them. Oh yeah, look at that. Look at that. So the leg hairs I've just shaved off and I'm gonna pop them in, start things off. Yeah, also guys, remember to send your pubes in PO box 256 TAGAM 4018, Queensland, Australia. This is important. Because Matt has... Yeah, not enough coming in. Are you excited about that? Look, it's begun. It's like a hair transplant. Matt has agreed to glue these to his head. You're gonna look like that. On the finale. No, I'm gluing them on the cap that'll go on my head. So... What? I'm gluing them to my head. It's stupid. No, no, yeah. He glued them to your head. He glued them to my head. He glued them to your head. You would slap the audience in the face. They just grew really good. I really care. I'm fucking against everything. It's all you want to glue to a hat on your head. Oh. Brown. Brown, that is upsetting. Look, I'll eat some. I'll smoke some if you put some on your head. Oh, great deal. I'll jam them up my ass. If you put them on your head. Shh. I'll give myself a mono, bro. Here. Oh, well, I'll put some here if you do your head. Anyway, guys, just don't let Matt put you off from sending your pubes and send them in anyway. And we'll work on that, right? It's only episode 12. We've got another fucking 28 to convince him because you are, you are bald, Matt. Not fully bald. Oh, my god, that looks fluffy. I've got that little fluffy poppy. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. Oh, I've had that right up your ass. Yeah, I sort of like it. Smells cool. Anyway, we've got James managed to organize get the coin car fucking dragged back to the house. So we're going to do a final video with that. And we bought a fucking caravan that we're going to do some fucking sick content. Shout out to the tow truck driver, too. Oh, man. He was so cool and nice. Wasn't he a fuck? We had someone just so you guys know the tow truck driver was like the biggest weeb of all 69 people in the world. Yeah, it was hard work. He fuck we had some chick reach out on Instagram. Someone that works for whoever that company was. And she's like, hope the tow truck driver was nice to you guys. Why? I don't know. It was like it's like she knew, but I paid it forward. I should have paid it backwards. And I said, yeah, he was awesome. You shouldn't have said that. You should have said he was unbearable. I know. Yeah. But I was like, I was in a good mood. I just had athletic greens. And I was like, oh, fuck, man, I'm going to be a kind person here. Yeah. Not like we won his. No, that's nice. Well done, Michael. Thank you. You should have gotten him. But I was doing that. I was a urban member. Yeah. Where have I put my fucking for me? Because it's time. Oh, Chela Kalole. Ha, ha, ha, ha. But yeah, so I made that all up. All right. Very cool. There was no tow truck driver. I was so in that. Oh, that's a serious, serious lying problem you have. Really hurting our trust, really wearing it away. James is so infested. Yeah, really backfire one day. Our lack of trust in you. I genuinely congratulated you for paying it forward. I'll take that back. Fuck you, Michael. It was actually, yeah, you've ripped it backwards a long way. All right, guys, we're going to move right along. We haven't done this segment in a whole fucking season and a bloody bit. I'll tell you what, it's German or German. German, German. Where I read out a real German sentence or a gibberish sentence and these three lads have to guess if it was in fact German or fucking gibberish. Brother, we read your fucking comments, brother. And we see you guys wanted this back, brother. So if you don't like this segment, let us know, brother. Michael, that is incredibly racist. It's what you were saying. No, Michael, I was saying it correctly. It's like you're making fun of them as the tone you did brother. Oh my god, dude, please Connor maybe Jesus Christ. All right, boys. Are you ready? There will be five German sentences or gibberish sentences You must vote the loser whoever gets the least amount right Has to get gets the wooden spoon by the other two That's gonna be me. I'm a newbie All right, here we go first sentence Freisch mit pop clean. Yuck, man. That is Fucking disgusting with pop cleaner pop cleaner. That is fucked. I reckon it's real and it's something Do we have to say what it means? It says I've got a fresh pipe and I'm gonna clean it and it's German It's definitely German. He's trying to make it not German. I know that for act I used to be German I reckon it's real as well and Know the milk truck is arriving So racist immediately racist. Sorry. Yeah, I think it's real too. And I think it means I scraped my bicycle spokes on the gutter You're all wrong. Oh, fuck that is in fact fucking nonsense. Yeah, German-sounding. Shit pop cleaner Pop clean Next sentence Okay, I'm gonna say that that's German and it's saying My hooves are wet and cranky May I hear it again? Meine Hüfte ausrengen. I think it is German and I'm gonna say there's a boy over there Fuck I think it's German too, but I'm tempted to say no because I was you guys led me Australia last time No, I'm gonna say that it is and it's The tip my teacher is speaking You are all correct it is in fact German, but it doesn't mean what any of you said it means Dislocate my hip So you're all on one point sentence number three Wünsch nach Schmerzen beim Pferden Wünsch nach Schmerzen Not German Can't be once more mark Wünsch nach Schmerzen bei Pferden Shit, I'm gonna have to go it's not James yeah, I'm gonna say it's German and it means The woman's breasts have Deflicated James has gotten away with this one It is in fact German James is in the lead it means I wish pain to all horses Wow, I thought there was something about a woman in there Fuck I can't believe that was the way he dragged the words sounded like it was So James on to Matt and Michael on one sentence number four Oh Yeah, it's German you're trying to be witch it's a it's it's a spell in German and it's to bring back Hitler Conn and bleep that he said that Get us age-restricted every time it's exactly it's a spell to bring back Hitler. I reckon it's not German Hmm, I say it's a feeding children ice cream It's not German it doesn't mean a thing You've always got children on your mind. So not German. So James. Yeah, I'm gonna say that it is German and it means feeding children ice cream It is nonsense it is complete and utter Trouble man brown and the lead There's one this is the last one I've lost I can't believe I'm gonna get the fucking wooden spoon For pain All right final sentence You guys go first now. Oh, that's fair. Okay. Um That's not German That's not German. It is German and it means Come home mom. It's time for dinner It isn't It is fucking gibberish now Michael must get Slogged on the arse. No, I go thigh. I can't do arse All right guys, don't hit my kneecap. Haha. I get to hit Michael now Let me see how far up I can reach I can reach the wall Marty wrist What you get for not understanding my language Oh Let us know if you want us to continue Michael's showing us his wound and it's immediately goose bumpy and purple it killed the butterfly is feel My job just then still watching that and then Fucking hell. All right, let's move right along. Hey, well done. It's a shame. Let us come right back after this hugely intoxicating Bong break go forth and suck down some smoke and Matt verse Michael will be awaiting your return Today And this segment is where Matt and Michael compete against each other for the for the sacred most important bottle of mints ever that took Matt nine months to make and They can do with it. Whatever they want. It's a winner. It's a hundred percent. It's an antique relic They can do with it. Whatever they want the winner will be announced the season finale. It's currently it's currently 83 to Michael so Michael's got a massive massive fucking lead eight three to Michael I'm not even gonna try that hard today. This week's company in on this. Oh, this week's competition is Who is better at picking up chicks come on in Jammetti Yeah, he'd be a hot trainee man Matt's saying yeah, but he's cock saying yes fucking muscles. Yeah, you fit it really well Chica If a chick was that fucking muslin He loves a bit of cross-dressing All right, so you will each have one minute to chat up Jammetti all right like we're at a nightclub. All right. Yeah, so you've got 60 seconds all time you and then Jammetti will give you as fuck score out of 10. All right, you must try and woo Jammetti you can use dance. You can use talk you can use Facts, you know use your imagination be creative and see what you can come up with. All right. This is great practice I want the approach so I'm gonna like Sit sit here, and I want them to come up to me in the bar. That's the hardest part There you go, and I'm I'm taking this seriously get the mic you have to start with the dance So Jammetti is at a bar and he's sitting and she's sitting there She just wants to have a fucking couple of cocktails with the girls and maybe get a cock up on a night She'll see how she fucking feels but you got to work. She's you got to work. So she squats on that cock Squats on that cock feel your skin splitting Squat on that cock feel the cock splitter So they're gonna paper scissors rock to see who approaches Jammetti first Then I will start the timer you'll have 60 seconds to woo Jammetti and she will give you a fuck score out of 10 Can't well as a heist fuck score wins this week's round of Matt first Michael Okay, this is how it will be this how we'll go. It's okay. This is how it will go Jammetti You literally grab that so you could sit there in front of that Here's a Gresh turning me on Wait, wait, wait, I'm just explaining so you're gonna start from here pretend you're dancing on dance Well, then you come you see Jammetti you walk over 60 second begins Brown Matt chicks chicks don't like aggression. I don't know So I've got to get out of the male character Jammetti might like aggression. No, so I'm gonna start for this to be fair I'm gonna start at level five interest out of 10, you know, because I feel like all girls are probably doubted about right They started sort of a level five and then you'd impress them and then they'd start going up the scale or you'd discuss them And they start going down the scale. So I'm gonna start at a five for both of you Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you don't just go and sit next to a woman. You got to approach Matt That's a part Matt No, no saying I explained it to you before and then you were yelling at me Cuz I'm gonna be looking you up and down I want to know if this is a man that I want to give me maybe start with like a Grooving a bit you grooving around you want to woo this lady show you moves and then make your way over During the dance and then sit down and then you can start talking to her. All right All right, are you ready, mate? Your timer will start in five. How long do you go one minute four? three two one go Hey Fucking I hate going first Hey She doesn't know what you mean when you said I've lost this. I can't think of anything Come on Matt. You still got time Matt. You're so disgusting looking as a chick. I can't even do it You are fucking this up. Yeah No Matt try You can wait till he start again cuz I like I think he's mentally insane right now Legit in character as a chick at a bar. I can't win this. It's Michael That funny and then you could win you gotta find you in a confidence. I don't know. I got nothing nothing came to me. Oh We please brown can you at least get up and groove a little bit? No If your approach is to sit down and then talk gibberish and then insult them you're gonna be single until you're 80 come Disappointing maybe we should just make Michael go first from now on Cuz Michael doesn't even have to do anything He just has to be semi nice now because he's gonna win I just I go I went out of character because like I would look let's look at this I went out of character at 30 seconds because I think Matt could get 30 seconds to to fix that I think that would be because I was out of character. I'm over this move 30 seconds. This is for the mince bottle Yeah, I'll just go the next one and the rings Matt That's all right See that what you just did then mate that like I wish we could replay that because he was like No, I'll be right ooze fucking confidence. Can't and I got wet that was hot if you brought that into the scene I got wet too You could Michael show him how it's done But don't hold back just because this because Matt didn't try yeah, you could both lose if you both repulse me All right, okay your time Starts in three two one go Very attention grabbing though. There's no way you wouldn't look at that before no way you wouldn't look at that at a bar And the speed is actually quite impressive So You spin me right around Actually, haven't heard that one before Michael you you're drooling quite a bit um Have you ever seen a dead body? Um I can't say I have actually I've got three grandparents seen them all die Which was your favorite? Oh man, I'm dizzy Must be you What's your name? Jamela And time and time there Michael wins. All right. All right. What what what fuck score do you give Mike? Oh, he was definitely he was funny. He was funny and and weird But they're like if if you then if you sat down after the spinning and then Were a bit less weird like you wouldn't have seen this on the camera But when he looked at me one eye was looking at me and the other one was looking at What? He purposely went So I was like that put me off because I was like first I was like wow He's funny and kooky, but then I was like he's retarded. He's gonna chop me up I was a bit dizzy He's gonna chop me into pieces, but the lines were quite funny. It made me giggle. Yeah, and it got a name But neither of you are getting it tonight. There's no way I think I'm right This was weird, but funny. That was just the meaning of low status Oh man, that was a that was a good one though to think of That's nine three brown Dude you could have won that so easy I'm gonna come up with some um Some subjects that I think you will have the upper hand you will don't have to do that make it even No, look, there's still there's subjects that I would have eventually win on a Oh, there's subjects I would have covered eventually throughout the season anyway So I'm just going to push them forwards a little bit and just see if we can tighten things up a bit And give you a bit of confidence back because your confidence is shattered. I can see it in your fucking eyes Can't what about okay inside? Do you really want the mince bottle? Is it special to you? I don't know maybe What's something else that if you win you get that as well cash don't go down this path cash Matt wants cash basketball cards. He wants power That wants power. We will buy you two grand of basketball cards if you be Michael If you win this series you get the cum bottle, sorry mince bottle and $2,000 worth of basketball cards He was working a lot harder in the who's the better brown I agree. I really thinking about those. Yeah, money is your We only base the entire trailer of this whole season on this means. Oh, but anyway, we're already doing that with tinder. What about Man, I reckon okay if you win this series You can come back and win you get the mince bottle as well as $2,000 worth of NBA cards I think you guys have just put me down so much. I just I'm just giving in Oh, come on. You would have won that if you were just yourself Because he was weird All you had to be it was nothing came to me. I just couldn't do it. Yes, you can you can do it You always have you literally should have just come up and said hi. I'm matt Asked me a question like you do all the time and you would have won We used to be the king was out on the streets come lost it No, you've lost your inness You haven't doesn't matter what the external looks like you've lost your inness Can't you need to go out and find your inner matt and put it back in and let that little seed of confidence Grow into a plant and let it fucking feel you can't go to manscape.com Thank you. I'll try and take that on board 93. That's fucking fucking all right now. All right. Let's switch back to our seats I might go get changed if that's all right. Yeah, that's fine. You're maddie. Yeah, this is not uncomfortable shoes are horrific All right guys We've guys you can see we've got our guest james on and if you didn't know he's um been doing some Chin content james has a fucking party trick that we didn't even think about making content with until like The end of last year we were just like oh, what could james do on his own and and then he just fucking starts balancing everything That was around us on his chin. Yeah, it's fucking cool. I think i'm top five in the world I'm not trying to be arrogant. I've seen world records and they are fucking lame I would hunt in fact, this is what I think of the current world records And that's what I think of the current world record holders Well, if you think about it the only reason why we didn't break the record with milk crates is because we couldn't get them all Up without snapping. Yeah, we had that up there ready to go that's lowered on your chin You can do like 20 we did 25 25 milk crates on top of each other On james's chin all in single file the record holder he did double so not half as high So that's fucking impressive. Yeah, so we've got a chinny gym at chinny gym on tiktok And we're going to be posting to it more and more and um, surely you could get that record if you double it Put it side by side Yeah, but I kind of don't want to because I feel like we could do it if we get it up there It was funny in the comment sections people like they've tied the crates get yeah Try and try and balance 30 crates. Yeah, exactly But anyway, the point is the weight once you get to 30 crates to start weighing like 40 something kilos I saw the dude that did it and he's like Weakling weakling wow 40 kilos on your chin. Yeah, you can do but it's it's pretty big James says that if he can lift it he can balance it. Oh fuck I'm sure about that. What other world records are there with a chin? Oh, there's this dude in china He's pretty legit, but but not that not that good like he connected three push bikes together and balance three push bikes on his chin With a comment like oh, he's fucking connected in yeah, seriously That was pretty impressive and he's a big he's a big Fuck weird. Yeah big man. Have you reached out to him? No, I'll reach out to him when I've snapped his record over my knee bone Yeah, yeah, so fucking now have a check on tiktok. So we will be posting more there We're very busy at the moment. We got James work and fucking a hundred hours a week at the moment So we haven't had time to film But there will be some chinny gym content coming we've posted some of it to our own tiktok I can't but it's so shocking to look at It is weird. It's such a shit skill though. I wish I could like Diversify my money or something Maybe that'd be a good like like what skills do any of us really have All talentless. Yeah, I can drink spit. Michael is Michael's talent is that he's really gross I can rip toenails off. I'm just really that's good. I've turned being really annoying into a career Matt no, you're the prank. You're the best prank caller in the world. I reckon we're definitely in australia I've heard I like googled it once of like the best prank callers and you should have a listen It's comical. That's shit. And maybe there's multiple world record holders in this room And you are good at tinder chats. Oh, yeah. Well, it's me channeling matt It's just matt. I've got matt with confidence matt's got matt with no confidence man, can we just literally let's Can we reflect like like on last week's poem again? The people are calling for more pause, dude I watched that I watched that poem like a hundred times Throughout the week and I would just be in tears pissing myself every time Yeah, if you don't know what we're talking about go back to last week's episode It's about an hour and ten in go to the time stamps. Yeah, there's some look There's some good tinder chats. Um, and there are some more this week. So why don't we dive right in? You ready matt brown? Would you like to press the button of hypocrisy? T-I-N-D-R we have matt's tinder ha ha ha Matthew brown is lost control now these women will lose their soul Wow Is that just you and a guitar? Yeah, man. That was really good. Oh the chucks And that was a lie You got me back All right, here we go. So oh, yes As you know, we've got matt's tinder logged in and so we're having these conversations as matt brown And i'm funneling girl after girl to matt brown giving out his number i'm giving out his snapchat I'm giving out his instagram and these girls are adding him and calling him and and following him So it's been working pretty well. I would say it's not working well at all What happened some random criminal ring me? And a hot random criminal and I didn't know I didn't know What the conversation was so soon as I asked the question she's like what the fuck was you just I just explained my life to you So no context so and that immediately just went into well, I guess I'll chat to you later And then all the other ones have been out of me to snap. I had a bunch of things out of me to snapchat None of them None of them have spoken to me except for one who is quite lovely But you know, I didn't pursue anything there. She's very nice, but I did not I didn't find any interest at all And then um, and then you've had one add me to instagram You gave out my instagram with somebody a lot of these go like I'll read these out and you'll be quite shocked at how willing they are To be sexual with you immediately, but it's not that's not everything i'm looking for and I feel like that's all you're heading for And it helps gets your confidence up and i'm worried because I think there could be one there That could be amazing and you're just going to destroy it Matt at least they know about you all right They know your face and you're you're circulating around the whole women of brisket What's gonna happen? We're just going to get to like season 10 Matt's into season 10 What's the goal dude? I did have a guilty thought the other day Yeah, good if we have fucking imagine if matt never finds a partner because of what of this segment Oh, no way. No, it's cool. Yeah, surely if this podcast gets big enough it will help him Get girls and we're not dumb We know if a girl came across on that tinder that we genuinely thought oh fuck matt would really like this girl The conversation will be different james. He won't look at it. Look at that He's not gonna that was a very cheeky. I'm gonna take care of him. Look Look Yeah, how about okay, we're allowed to do it with all the girls But we'll leave the boys for you I don't want you to talk anymore Look, I don't Matt to be honest. I don't think your future wife is on tinder. That's why I agree with you. I agree with you Okay One one thing I will say though. I've had sex. I've had better chats with With people from just being on this podcast than I have in any of you trying to set me up with anyone Yeah, so the podcast is working The podcast is working and this everyone my dating nightmares are not working So this segment increases the podcast which increases the flow of women to you outside of this segment And inside this segment and we promise not to talk to the boys. I don't want you to talk anymore So let's enjoy success. You've had little dates with girls that have come around from this podcast. I went for a walk with jasmine Yeah, very lovely. There was lots of flirting with isla lots of flirting with isla But that's it. Oh, and you reject it. You reject me. Ethan. Ethan was very hot and there's also Also, we don't have to get into it. We don't have to get into this every week. You say no I send them your way and you say no So there are coming but you say no to them and there's our let's get on. Let's get into this Okay, they're coming. They're coming in thick and fast and that says no. Thank you every time. Here we go All right, so this is a lovely young lady and she's actually like I'll show you Are you angry at me because I say no every time? No, you can do whatever you want. I'm just trying to help you look at her I want to see too Oh, I want to see Matthew brown I can't tell Anyway, but you're pleased with what you saw even a matter. It's a small picture It's a small picture, but he's pleased, you know, she looks after herself. You can tell all I want to say is I want to say one thing. Thank you for showing me before you start your fucking rant All right All right, so matt noi seeing that she looks after herself starts with this Are you a fucking supermodel because I would peel my scalp off with tweezers Just to be in the same room that you had to use towel in. Am I being too old-fashioned? Aren't I? Well, I've never heard that before. Yeah, I'm a bit of a romantic I even cut my pubic hair into the shape of a love heart with flames on top If you play your cards right, I might send you some pics of it tonight at quarter to seven if you aren't busy What's your digits vixen? LMFAO, I think I'm good on pubes. I think I will pass on that one. It probably sounds weird But once you see them, you'll think oh cool. That's not what I expected at all And this guy's actually really unique and creative and now I'm going to give him a chance There's a dead pig There's a dead pig in our shed. I think we think it got bitten by a snake Do you know any celebrities or what? Lol, I don't even know how to take that message. Um, no, I don't know any celebrities Well, you do now sweet tits. I've got a super successful Podcast and someone yelled out there you at me the other day because I listened to it I want to hit up a driving range with me on Sunday morning like 3 30 a.m I'm a super early riser. I'm definitely sleeping at that time. Plus I have two kids. I have full time Golf is a perfect sport for kids. It teaches them angles and fact and it's nice and son and shit I'm not going to take my kids. I can take them if you want. I'll give them a lesson I can pick them up this weekend at like 4 a.m. Give you a chance to clean the house And she did right she did not right Yes, so you basically butchered that to pieces So she showed it. I'll take your kids You fucking psycho All right next one here. Wait, wait, did she unmatch? Well, she hasn't yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, unfortunately Well, maybe I don't know she's gone. I don't know if they unmatch you just If they don't message it doesn't pop up to the top and I forget about them and I move on to the next All right, this lovely young lady starts his conversation. Hi Matt Matt replies So many fucking flies on my chicken I can't even need a chicken sandwich outside anymore without having like 80 flies buzzing around me. It's so frustrating I can't help tensing my neck. What's the most you've ever been swollen? Wow That's fucking poetry right there. Yeah, sorry. I shouldn't tinder while I'm frustrated I spray my food with bug killer now and that keeps them away So tell me about your spirit, babe. Where do you see yourself in the world, babe? How much have you swollen? She didn't cheer right back to that did she the spirit, babe Matthew Gregory brown. All right. This is this is quite a good one. All right So it you know in matt's tinder provola says that he you know, he's the heir to the king of browns blah, blah, blah So she starts the messaging with Hello, sir brown princess beck curtsies to the royalty that receives this message laughing faces King brown offers his hand to young princess beck and she kisses his rings King brown beckons to a seat at his royal brown table and they take a seat So princess beck. What brings you to my brown castle? Well, sir brown interested has bethrotted my brain Sir brown's smile and profile are of interest to princess beck lol. What brings sir brown to thy tinder? This is how long have they been single She's good king brown reminds you that it's king brown and not sir brown King brown rolls his eyes and looks at one of his guards who also shakes his head in disbelief King brown comes to tinder to extend thy kingdom King brown has already laid his eggs inside every female in the brown land He rules and wishes to squirt his seeds deeply within as many females as possible What say you beck will you let king brown spray his royal seeds throughout your guts? Okay king brown, but how should one princess know if she has never heard of the king? Oh my god Okay, so king brown is sounding like a jiggaloo Princess beck is a lady of class and sophistication and will not allow the king brown to spread his over spread seeds Princess beck deserves a prince or king who deserve Deserves and respects the lady thou shall not have a chance to encounter princess beck's presence King brown impatiently takes large bites of his cooked chicken in front of him while maintaining eye contact with princess beck How the fuck have you never heard of the greatest king that has ever been? Why the fuck do you think there are so many people with the last name brown? It is I king brown spreading my seeds via chem trials and direct injections King brown respects the princess for not immediately spreading her legs for the king And orders the guard to take her to one of the sleeping quarters upstairs in the castle We will continue this conversation soon princess beck, but remember this princess My seeds always have a funny way of getting their way Oh my dear king brown, you are forgiven for your cockiness And may be learning how to earn the hand of a woman full of self-respect and how it is you will earn her attention I accept sleeping in your quarters, but only to seek another day with the king in hopes He learns a new respect for a lady Hopefully enough to generate enough interest to keep that king interested The king has downed two large goblets of wine and has considered your request for respect The king would like to make a proposal which may interest thy princess The king will escort the princess around his royal brown castle pointing out the royal swimming hole The gardens and have one of his servants order uber eats If the princess is sufficiently impressed, she must agree to let the king passionately fuck thump his seeds all up in the princess However, if the princess is not sufficiently impressed, she may leave the castle grounds But runs the risk of being beheaded upon her departure Oh king, oh please I want nothing more than to be beheaded than to be fucked useless This old princess has not time for used upward has been kings who sit on the throne fucking hoarsed for a hobby But death I choose lol. Well, that was the best and funniest tinder conver I've ever had. Thanks for the blah blah blah blah So this girl is called lina. So uh matt starts the message with i'm so lonely lisa. Have you ever had surgery? Oops, I think you sent this to the wrong person. Oh, shit. I'm so sorry about that Lisa is my date from three nights ago But she's left me now all alone because I had surgery to fuse my knee joints and arm joints together So it's really quite difficult to walk on two completely straight stiff legs and arms So, yeah, not a good weekend. How's yours been? Okay? I would think most people find it difficult to walk on their arms. I know I can't Oh, sorry. I didn't explain myself. I fused my knee joints and my elbow joints. So they're no longer bent I had to do it. It's a medical condition So I still have arms and legs where they go, but I just can't bend them Medical conditions are common in royal lineage. I think it's from keeping it in the family Lol, yeah, the buyer was a joke But my knee arthrodesias isn't especially since it's spread to my elbows It's kind of cool talking to someone lina. Do you mind if we keep chatting a bit? My surgery was only a day ago Lucky it was only your elbows and not your fingers. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to tie Well, it's well, it's not to say it can't happen in the future I don't feel like you're believing me right now. You can google knee arthrodesias if that helps Which is actually a medical condition where they have to fuse your knee joints together. I didn't know that really Yeah I know it's a medical condition. I don't know how you could send me a message instead of lisa What hospital are you in? I guess I'm on a fair few painkillers and your names are kind of similar And that's st. Vincent's they are but we have never engaged in conversations And I'm still struggling to believe it. Maybe you should try lisa again Lena i'm gonna be honest with you I made the whole hospital thing up because I thought chicks love helping dudes when they're sick and vulnerable There never was a lisa. Let me make it up to you. Let me make you a veggie garden Lol, sorry. I only eat meat. Sorry if you had a cattle farm, I'd be all in Well, it's funny you mentioned that I actually do have a small cattle farm One huge cow called mom living on it currently No reply Oh god, all right, this one's good. This one is I just gotta pre-warn you guys. This was actually a really Nice girl. So I just I just I had to stop it Like she was just too nice. I couldn't continue. So I just I kind of just Let it go because she was just too nice. You'll see what I mean But then I will read what I was going to send. I actually consulted with james on this. Yeah, I was a negative Yeah, I was gonna send her something but it probably would have broken her heart So matt starts with this I gripped her hand too hard. That's what my mother said to me today. Can you believe it? Well, you can grip my hand as hard as you like. There would be no complaints here with that I dislocated three of my mother's knuckles. Are you certain you want to hold hands with me? I can grip your waist too if you want. Oh, you poor mom I'm still certain that I would love someone to hold my hand with a grip like that You're kind of turning me on. Can I grip your neck while sucking both of your tits at the same time? How did you know that that's my favorite? Would you let me hog tie you to the ceiling fan turn it on and fuck up at you every time you swung past? Well, that's a sentence that has just fucked with my head lol if you don't mind being spewed on in the meantime Holy fuck. I would love it if you power spewed as you were slung around the room with me fucking up at you from underneath Wow, this got so kinky. I guess we just have that natural sexual chemistry Just a bit kinky. I'm not used to sexting someone. Sorry Yeah, I'm not used to it either the convo started by talking about crushing my mother's hands when I held them too tightly Now I'm staring up at the ceiling fan ceiling fantasizing about getting you up on turning it on full blast Where do you live? All I was thinking about is how sick I hope it was on full blast. I'm in north lakes. What about yourself? Yeah, you vomiting while spinning at such an intense velocity It's not only hot as fuck, but I feel like it would look cool too I'm a massive house in bridgeman dance with like four to five ceiling fans So we aren't even that far away. Can I tell you a secret? You can tell me a secret I'm actually kind of nervous telling you promise you won't say anything Why are you nervous? By the way, my name is verity Because I feel like we've got a good thing going on and I don't want to risk scaring you away. Oh god, you're so beautiful You won't scare me away. Oh, thank you and your smile is infectious. Oh, which is what drew me to your profile Okay, I have anal canal duplication Essentially, I have two buttholes I just always tell people early on so no one has to waste their time with me if it's something that wears them out or whatever And please obviously don't go around to your friends saying oh my god This guy has two buttholes and show my pics because that's happened before and it really sucked for me for a while No way I would never say anything to like that to anyone. That's so cruel people are so mean I've had my share of being picked on and your secret is safe with me I appreciate you telling me though and I'm not scared off Oh, that's no kind of you to say. Yeah, you won't ever see it anyway It's not like couples stare at each other's assholes all day unless you love rim jobs in which case I'm twice as fun Plus I shit twice as fast. Do you have any cool little quirks like that? I'd have to say my only thing is I wear a hearing aid in my left ear So don't so don't talk quietly in my left ear because I won't hear it And then I was going to say I didn't I just said I just ended it with like oh, you're super nice blah, blah, blah But I was going to say I didn't Oh, you wear a hearing aid So like I'll have to talk at different levels depending on where I'm standing and relations you. Yeah, that's kind of a deal brother for me She was so nice But like the thought of it is like funny for a second Yeah, Matt. Is she the one That look she's into some kinky shimmy. Can you imagine a hog-tired chick? You fucking up at it. She's into that. It'll be fun. You saw him on both of her tits There are a few more sexual ones too that I want to get to which I think will excite Matt All right, this one's called. Did they end with you pushing him to me? Yeah, yeah, all right. This one's called Emily. This one did reach out to you All right, so she starts a conversation What three words would you use to describe yourself petrol plague and detach red What's the last one detached retinas? What about you and don't fucking lie either. Just be honest Resilient luminous and selfless. All right. Now. Let's do three really random funny words Scrot, cock fucker, dick-saws What's yours? Um, beaver, boo-hickey, bongol I think we just came up with the names of our future six kids my sweet little rainbow I'm playing a little puddle I'm playing in the I'm playing in a puddle on the street with my toys. What are you up to today? That's a lot of kids. I don't really have much planned until I pick my boy up later. Can I have it? Can you have it? Yeah, your plans can I have some of your plans? I want you to make time for me Like I don't mind you hanging out with your kid But you still need to make sure there's time for us so we can continue our connection What are your plans for tomorrow? Tomorrow? I'm practicing my karate until about 1 p.m. But after that, I'm free Can we eat goat? Why goat? I'm just heaps skilled at flaying goat flesh. I was raised in Tasmania There's there's more goats than people there People learn how to finally fill a goat at a very young age It's quite an art form the trick is to keep the blade of your knife just under the skin So that you don't lose any of the fleshy goat meat. What are your hobbies? Oh, that's a skill. I grew up on a farm. So I've seen it all done not to a goat though I like to say I have wonderful hobbies, but after my last relationship and focusing on my son I kind of forgot about myself But the last 12 months I've put a lot of focus on myself and starting to adventure out Two things that have always stuck with me is rainforest walks slash runs and cooking Yeah, whenever I've had a stressful day. I just pick a goat out of the field and fillet it's so relaxing Especially when the knife is as sharp as a scalpel. We could cook goat together I actually come up with this fucking sick as fuck recipe. It's boiled goat and eggs Sounds basic, but I add all this fucking sick herbs and shit. You're random as I just have to say that Is that good or like shit? No, it's not a bad thing at all. I've been smiling Do you have insta or might that be easier that might be easier to chat through if you're interested? Yeah at matt brown 1111 hit me up on that fucking shit and say it's m from tender And I'll chuck you up in my primary chat loose ass, baby No, that's fuck brownie that is fucked So matt starts your profile actually really made me smile and I needed that today. So thank you Do you believe in fate? I'm drawn to you for some reason I'm so glad to be of service. Why did you need it today? Not having a good day? I do believe in fate. Do you? Oh for what reason? I accidentally let my neighbors she bout into the wrong yard and they made their way onto the highway Heaps got killed it was on the news and shit might have to go to court Fucking sheep are so dumb and shit. Anyway, it's just a pillow with legs. You can't even eat them or milk them and shit Fuck sheep milk. Can't I would prefer human cat milk? Can women produce milk all the time or only when they're pregnant genuinely curious? Oh my god, are you okay? That's hectic go to way better than cheese and I know you're venting but you can Can eat sheep. No women only produce milk when they're pregnant. So fucking hectic. I'm so over just animals in general They can all just get fucked off Wait, wait, wait. So women have to be pregnant to make tit milk So my mum was fucking pregnant when she was breastfeeding me until I was 10 years old. I'm fucking calling her tomorrow No, wait, women can start producing milk when they become pregnant But can breastfeed and continue producing milk for years? Like if a woman breastfed her kid until he was six and then her husband drank her titties She would still keep producing milk until no one was drinking her titties and then milk production would stop Oh, thank fucking god for that. Hey, haha I remember getting bullied so much in primary school for still getting breastfed But it was just cost-effective if I sucked on your tits long enough Or even though you're not pregnant. Would that start producing milk? I would do that experiment with you if if you get bored Oh Save money where you can no honey. It's the pregnancy hormones that begin milk production, but that doesn't mean we can't try Yeah, I would really like to just line bed and suck on your tits for hours Alternating between the two tits and just filling you up as I suck I can't well, I can't let you do all the sucking that doesn't seem fair You can suck my tits too Then I would flip you over onto your belly and dislocate my shoulders and the fingers Then I would drag my dislocated arms over your back with all my fingers pointing in different directions What's your number? I have to suck your tits this week No reply. No, that's ongoing She's the one man. Do you want to suck on some tits? She's the one on your shipwreck Even that one's to see her You want to show me though on the shipwreck he called her So rude Starts so nice though Such a fast escalation into crazy does my favorite one All right guys, so the battle for finding matt's future wife continues Let us now progress to the to have a fucking bong break and we'll be right back with q and a everybody And michael's movie reviews matt's website reviews and a prank call everybody pluck that out fucking bong break All right, man Questions and answers We'll have a question And answer with you as you sit and you watch and you smoke all your billy bongs We'll have a question and answer with you That's like blink 182 vibes to it, but it was like australian and Oh Well, this is where we answer the questions that you guys comment on the mighty michael for the actual youtube channel We answer the most like questions for so once you comment your question have a scroll through and like the other questions You want to answer matthew? first question from aj since Uh question for the podcast Can we get a website video where matt shows off his dvds whilst being berated and judged for his movie taste by Michael that would be flattering. I don't think they'll I think our members would be like what the fuck is this? Yeah, I agree, but quite 19 likes maybe if I threw really what if I threw shit at him as hard as I could And that's that's two days ago. So it could have been up by now. That's crazy May yeah, maybe if you change this it may we can add it into a vlog. How about that? We'll add it into a vlog I reckon you're right. Maybe I was getting projectiles Well, we can have your dvd rack and you stand in front of us and you bring up the dvd and you say three things and quotes from it And just be your fucking self. I think people would hate it. But anyway, it's I'll leave I'll leave that one with you What Yeah, I'm in pain my balls are getting sucked up my backs falling apart. Oh All right, it's nice. All right. Thank you Uh next question is from connor westwood Um, how do you guys find walking around brisbane on a regular day? Some people piss you off Take the piss or do you have some fun with it? No, I don't really piss us off. We've been quite lucky everyone's very nice and friendly and Yeah, people come get photos. Yeah, we love everyone. So it's so many website members come up. It's so cool Yeah, the website members they truly know who we are if you say you're a website member or a podcast member It's like, oh, fuck. Yeah, so relax and be yourself. I get it. Oh, I saw the smoke of it It's like, you know, it's the three minute like prank videos online They don't really represent who we are as people as much as the podcast and the website videos Look at my brown. This is who he is Fuck off Sorry Matt gets recognized. Yeah, sometimes james got recognized at the airport And it can it coals and at the footy. Oh, wow. Oh, really? Yeah, oh, wow. That's fucking welcome. I was with cam twos Oh Was camera was shocked. Yeah, it was a little bit shocked. Like these like three dudes screamed at me out of the car Next person is from don't stay awake Can you boys do a road trip for the podcast at the end of the year for every state or just come to melbourne at least Let's get the caravan and going on a road trip with it. Oh, fuck. It'd be good. Maybe we should Yeah, it'd be good to do just this like the capital cities. Sydney's only 10 hours away Is that it's not road worthy though? Is it what the caravan? No? I think if we did it, we'd do it a bit different But they don't know the cop doesn't know that that's not road worthy. It's like a fucking car We'd have to register it. That's why you'd have trouble. Oh god rules. I just get a bus I think I would just get a bus Yeah, that would be fun. It would be. Yeah. Oh, it'd be so hot. Yeah, that'd be great Well, I wouldn't mind now that fucking america is back to her for client as soon We should go to america for another la trip. I'd be down from that Can I come? Yeah I'm more full timey than you actually fuck out like go to texas No, I want to we can collaborate with some more for clients of people in la Sorry, I shouldn't have said that Next question is from elix finnegan. Um, do you guys reckon you can get matt brown the ufc fighter on the podcast? Oh, that'd be cool. Wouldn't that be for clients? That'd be the most boring interview though I reckon he'd be so serious. He is a very serious dude Like he was good on joe rogan, but they talked about fighting so it made sense. It'd be funny to try and like piss him off But it'd be so easy really. He's a fiery fucker Yeah, it was like walking out for a fight once and someone like tapped him And he just turned and just threw a punch at someone in the audience grabbed his heart in brazil Yeah, he took a cray cray. Wow. I reckon and he'd hold that grudge. I reckon he'd come looking for us Should try kissing Oh, yeah, that maybe stay away from it. Yeah, let's give that matt brown a rest. We should just yeah Fuck yeah, fuck that. Um, next one is from william betruni patroni patroni patroni But depending where he's from. Um, we'll mark love to watch a marvel movie this season I'm definitely got one in the works I forgot about marvel for a while Batman vs. Superman. It wasn't that horrific. Yeah, yeah, man. I would recommend that. Yeah No Sorry, I mean who would watch that first of all Oh, yeah, and he would actually go. Yeah, all right. I'll watch that if it was done. Well, no, isn't it obvious who would win that No, superman. He's like, oh, you'll be surprised. That means a man. You'll be surprised what happened to this name one something versus something Movie that's been good None there has not been Freddy vs. Jason was shit. Oh, man So it was Superman Batman. And what about those creatures that fight each other? Oh, yeah, alien versus predator This is what I think of that fucking movie. Listen up. This is what I this is my fucking movie review. You can't Dare make that Shit Dude, your eye was about to pop out of your skull then I watched it from the side it moved That's good Yeah, we don't like the versus films. That's for sure. Thank you for thank you for getting that across Marty because I was spot on Even I agree the versus films are quite shit um Prattie Prattie is um in Thailand at the moment Oh, yeah Prattie has said he's going to get a portrait of me tattooed on him for For um in exchange for a brown versus brown comp. We've said yes And um, he just wanted a comment saying he's currently waiting Uh at the tattoo place to get his tattoo. So so he'd probably have it by now Which photo I wonder is he gonna get he picked out three photos and just and just what's his name prattie prattie Damn us the mighty Michael account. Yeah, I've told him I've told actually the fully actual because matter. It's easier to see right Prattie's in contact with me. So How does that make you feel? He's thought he's thinking about doing the bong break one pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah, we'll see I kind of wish he'd use that one of you at the Tasmanian art gallery It's my favorite photo of all time. I can you know the one I'm talking about where he's like standing in front of a brick wall He looks psychotic and his nipples you can see It's perfect If you use that in videos, haven't you? Oh, dude, I use it every chance I can. I want to line my house walls with it Next question is from haze haze. Hey, no not haze Anyway, depending where he's from or she's from um When did Matt brown when did Matt ball brown lot lose all his hair? Um progressive but progressive like two Two years ago. Well, I was at your house. I shaved it. Yeah, I remember there was a lot of oh, should I shave it? Should I shave it and it was a lot a well beyond the stage? You should have shaved it probably about a year or two before my ex was like no no no don't And then but then she was like I went to top golf with you guys and we took a photo there And I was like fucking hell because all the light went into it Yeah, it depended on the angle sometimes you'd see you and it'd be like oh, it's not that bad and other times you be like Oh, yeah, shit. I didn't mind it. I seriously thought you could have kept going No, Michael you need to be reminded of how you need to start losing some hair I'm getting close to if I see no videos You know where near me. I am too when we should discuss hair transplants. Yeah, we should why the fuck not and steroids I don't know. It's test though. Let's do some heroin Michael we can discuss it. I don't fucking do a hair transplant. I just don't think I look good I've seen the other people have gone on probably look exactly what you look like now. Oh my god. I saw a guy at a cafe It was the most fucked up hair transplant I've ever like it is I like I literally stopped Christina and my embates halfway through their breakfast I was like that makes me never want to get this this can't I kid you not it went It was like it went up like this up his fucking forehead It was Comical it was just a circle It was so bad and this colored hair was different to him. He had no forehead. Oh, why would he choose to do that? It was so bad that I don't know. I reckon he just thought oh, I could just shave it Like, you know, you know, you see those those like the black dudes who just can perfectly shape their hair I think he could thought he could do that. It was so bad. Oh my god See that scares me to do and then you can't get rid of him. Can you that's grown for Actually, you can make a laser man. Well, then why wouldn't you grow it out shave it imagine growing a forehead? Afro, I don't know enough about it, but dude, that's not a bad website video What? If you can just get like a random patch of hair Transplanted on some weird party That's not bad Just on your tailbone so like rushing it every morning with a big hair brush Imagine if you just had like a beautiful strip of hair that could just grow out of your arm Oh, wow that I actually I would do that. It's not a bad website on your elbows What about this you grow them on your hips and then you grow them long enough. It's like suspenders Oh, wow Amazing. Yeah, you put me wrap them over your shoulders and then jamming in your ass Yeah I'd do that Sorry. All right next question is wrong. Sorry. Just on that Imagine if you got a little bit of hair transplanted to come out of your your unicorn tail That's not bad. So real hair Be like my little pony in real life. Would it grow like head hair there? Really? I don't like it. So yeah science. It's kind of tempting Yeah, I don't know. Look, I will look into it. Yeah, I like that. We'll look into it And write it down. Yep. All right. Next question is from DOS29 Um Can you do have a can you two have a competition where the losers punishment? They have to go do a day of tennis coaching. Oh, that would be terrible I'd one day be all right because I wouldn't care. I wouldn't take any care. I wouldn't I wouldn't yeah But it would be so funny to see him to see my good coaching again So remember the last few times I saw him coaching us up on the top court and you had to walk down here To get to Michael's court and Michael had just really didn't want to coach that day. He was super low energy And his group of kids was just fucking monstrous like just full of fucking naughty little cunts And looked down at the very beginning of the session and the net's broken So the net has snapped and Michael's like bending over trying to Fix it and all the little kids are slogging balls at him and Michael just didn't have the energy to even discipline them Oh, man. It was so I had to look down and see that if there were no parents there You could it was just like just stand there and let them do what they want less energy put into them But like, you know, the kids are happy just being on court Oh, man, so good. But yeah, they'll miss that a like I guess we I don't think greg would let us because he knows that We wouldn't try Well said Michael and that is the end of q&a's All right guys, we're fucking getting there. It's another long one Um, hopefully the yeah, anyway, all right guys. It is time for Michael's movie reviews hit it man Matt's got a movie for Michael to review Matt's father's name is greg And Michael would rather be dead. This is Michael's movie review See we're adding music to your comments need the music because it is just fucking like bolsing Matilda She did before wasn't on well Let me take this opportunity to remind you to please like comment and subscribe and give us a five star review on spotify It really helps grow the podcast. It's the only way because while our video is demonetized. It doesn't get shown anyone continue So what was the movie you had to review? Okay X? Now this is I have not seen it Yeah, I think I would very fucking good. Anyway, Michael, what do you think? This is my jam This is this is the one you liked it. This is good shit. Yes. I like sci-fi slash Yeah, then he's fucking them. Oh, that's so good Sci-fi with AI with fucking tech shit. It's crazy. It's like black mirror shit Which is good, which is creepy. Oh the sex stuff was like whatever, but like Matt loves It was like, man, it was great concept. I love the house. I like how it's just the sort of rich guy I get a little bit off when he's like, hey, when do we enter his land? He's like we've been in the land for the last 40 minutes or some of that. Yeah, great setting great concept Um, good ending the whole film itself is like a masterpiece really and Whoa It's um, it's only it's still only like a seven out of ten. What really? Yeah, like it's not the beach Masterpiece then okay. It's it's a piece of master. Yeah, it's a piece of master Seven out of ten for me is good. Like, you know, we're talking titanics nine You you don't have a ten? No, it's probably no ten. I'd say possibly fucking the beach is up there What about freddy got fingered? Yeah, that is very good That's a nine two. No, that's that's a seven ready. It's on par with freddy got fingered Wow One of the best comedies it was very very good matt and this is this is what i'm talking about This is better good acting everything was fucking good. It was like Yeah, I'm very impressed with you. Oh, well, what what movie we're gonna let's give him one that he might not like I gave the movie about an eight out of ten. So it's good to hear you say seven You guys have finally agreed on a movie. All right, you didn't do any lines from the show You finally had a chance to say some lines and some gimmicks and he might not hate you for it Yeah, I did. I did the 40 minutes over his land thing and he only did the sex thing too But I didn't need to I It's just he likes it. It's a creepy film. If you if you've got anxiety, maybe you don't watch it Really? Oh, well, it's just sort of like you can see it happening Yeah, I'm definitely gonna watch it. Christina definitely definitely watch it. It's um, you'll like it too mighty Have you you haven't seen it mark? No, never even heard of the fucking thing to watch it Should we cancel the bucks partying? We'll just watch that. Yeah. Yeah, we'll just watch it then we'll watch it again Yeah, okay. Um So I had pre conversation with you about the list I've got there. So apparently you haven't seen this It's a tarantino film, but it's the first one he did so reservoir dogs Haven't seen it. She said you haven't seen so reservoir dogs is the movie I've chosen for you for uh next week's review I do have it in the dvd collection, but it's on every streaming service. It's old It's fucking good, but it's all 90s. Is it better than from dust till dawn? Oh, it'd be equal Very different movies, but equal I'll be interested in that. I think there's parts of it that'll be a bit long for him. It is acting Yeah, we'll see we'll see about that. All right now matt We looked at the comments from last week and all of our website members commented that they would like you to review one of our website videos The julian and jackson date video Well, I don't I figure what it's called on the website, but it's like it's called that Is it julian julian and jackson dinner date? I'm pretty sure and basically michael and I had to try and make them vomit over a Course of their three course meal that that was the objection of the video All of our website members wanted matt to watch it and review it and matt watched it today dinya matt I did so matt tell us what you think He's gonna do a speech I'm gonna go through the negatives first And once again, I've always said the one percent is what makes the videos bad but you never listen um I hate that the restaurants at the house I understand why because you know, you're limited Even if it was done in a in something a bit more By the way, everyone this is back when we had we were still very poor. This is early website But I will say it's good once you get inside and you're in the living room because you've set it up like a bit of a restaurant Then it cuts. I know this is church road times like when we're living in that was a shitty place meages then Oh, yeah, yeah, when you what did you set that up? Yeah, uh Just just once I'm sorry about that. Are you okay? Dude, you are so pale right now. Yeah, yeah, really honestly, it really is not good. I hope people enjoy that because they're gonna take years off your life as far as I reckon That was so good. I'm so dizzy right now. Oh my god. Sorry. Anyway, continue Yeah, so once you get inside the living room, it's great. Um, but then yeah, the outside set up is at the house. It's disappointing Okay, so you hate that next one. Um other one percent as well as um, every now and the camera would go in and out of focus No, no, let me get there. Let me get there. These are things that annoyed me So, um, the camera goes in and out of focus a lot. I'm not sure why maybe it was just the situation where the smell or I'm not sure But I accepted it. Um, james was not in any type of chef uniform. He was just in james uniform I thought that was a one percent and a good chance lost because you guys were dressed up and he wasn't he looked like the chef He's handing you the meals That upset me. You had a chance. I thought that would have And the lighting was a bit off, but that's that's Uh Jackson looked great in a dress It's like a neck and neck to who looked better in dresses between him and james Um, but he fucking looked amazing in that dress. Um, funniest bits was definitely the opening out the front Uh, where he says, uh, his lines out there. I can't remember the exact words, but he said you shouldn't have I had a good laugh at that. I also had a really good laugh at your wine pause Well, you filled the wine to the brim and slammed it down. I really got some chuckles out of me Funny bits, but then it's pretty fucked from there Yeah, it was Um, oh, um, jackson's spitting in the wine Yeah, that was funny But yeah, from there, it's downhill. Um Um in a good way. No, uh, oh Oh, I don't know The vomit soup Oh, really great idea, but you snorting it was very hard to watch Yeah, I forgot I felt like it forgot about that for some reason it burned to my throat and that's the feeling I got But yeah, that was fucked up. Um, also what's wrong with you? But that's not the first what's wrong with you. I've got after the vomit snorting And you know on julian once again very weak stomach Yeah, he's always had a weak stomach. I feel for the boy. I really do and I agree with most I agree with most of what he says in this video He really goes off um and on a bit of a rant and I kind of agreed with everything he said about how it's um, You can't put it out there Yeah, we can't post this and we we did have a discussion like can we but it's one of our most shameful videos It's fucking disgusting like but it's just on the edge of shameful I felt shame. Oh, yeah, I felt shame after yeah There was an air of like silence and like What have we done after? um Yeah, it's just one. I think I said this lastly once again. It's another amateur scat porn movie So we're we're basically amateur porn stars. No, no I'm just sexual about it. There's nothing sexual. So it can't be porn. Um the shit mr. Shitbeard Like you know The entire video is ever on just vomiting after a big night out. That's like the whole thing except for Jackson Super strong. How he said the stomach a barely even flinched at anything Yeah, he had a shower directly after he said this shit beard nearly got him though It was so matter of fact about it. Everything was fine, but the shit in the beard was a bit much Yeah, so moving it is like old and positive. Oh, I definitely wouldn't post about it to you guys It's the moment where he walks out of the house. Like we're all standing around freaking out talking about it He just casually Drenched in the shower is one of the funniest moments in that video and I can't even explain why Yeah, very good um Yeah, so Michael does the axe poo shave Um, which was so upsetting. So explain that. What is that? Basically, he's he shits onto a plate And he smears it up and slaps it on his face and he goes to shave it with an axe That's part of the um, it's one of the things they offer at their restaurant Which I don't bar bar slash restaurant. You got two services. I will give it to you. That is some real service you guys are giving because no restaurant in the world No restaurant in the world if I went for cover that restaurant would have flourished Oh, um, but yeah, the axe poo shave was very upsetting for me to watch my one of my best friends do that It just kind of tweaked the opinion of you a bit for me You gotta do it. Is that what is that most shameful and then I thought that was it I thought that was LA. All right. Is it poo shave done and then I was like, all right That's fucked up and then just what I thought it was all over Um, the piss face cleanup Oh, I forgot that and it just adds an extra layer of There's a bit sexy sexy. Yeah, it's not sexy though. Is it sexual? As we're just doing it for a laugh, do you know, I think no one's hard I think if you did it sexually it might have been a bit better video, but Whoa brown pissing on my face hard Yeah, um, uh, it was a little bit more entertaining than the last week's video. So you liked it more than laugh you lose Oh, yeah, I actually enjoyed it. I think it's a great. I enjoyed it a lot more than laugh you so it's for me Six out of ten six out of ten. All right. So let's steer away from the gross ones guys Let's comment a funny painful one. Let's see how that handles that one. Yeah, man Let's see. Let's find a sense of humor because as we got sketches We got vlogs. We got paint shit on the website website members comment. We'll we'll choose the most liked Um video to fucking for him to watch. I wonder you know what? We should do another high hiking but brown comes with us You won't be able to get high though You can still that would be very comedic. You can do some ketamine Oh, also just briefly on that video the jackson julian dinner date. I wish we we just did One minute of footage at the end of vlog style of us three Cleaning the house because fucking jackson and julian classic straight away jackson. I understand. He's the talent. He came julian's part of the team So he left And holy shit, that was a tough job that house like you can watch it. You cannot smell it That house wasn't that's first streaming in there. I had to live there dude. It was the most bizarre Fucked up smell mix of vomit which takes me back to the camera whoever had the camera. I think was struggling With the smells. Yeah, it's it's it's our most intense gross video By far I would say I have seen reaction videos from fans from that video like ages ago and yeah I feel you and and split the fans a lot of people like this is like way too much Yeah, some people didn't like do you think you lost anyone? Definitely. Yeah, we had a new film of that day. Did we yeah, remember? Yeah, it was a new guy josh. Was it josh. Was that josh's first time and see josh again. No, not josh. No Yeah, it was josh, but it was a different josh. I did see that guy running around Well, he never came he didn't come back It's good that's a good cherry. Yeah. Fuck you should watch that one guys if you haven't already Well, you know if you if you're into the gross shit, let's let's see if we can get some higher scores from america Maybe a one of the pain videos or maybe even a sketch of my tickle is fucking pains and sketchy. Give that one. Sorry. I missed the score It's too scat-pornie man Calvin your way Scat I don't accept porn because it's not sexual. No, not at all. It's scat. It's not It's scat Wait, so it's just scat videos. You're right. The scats where it's at. That's our tag Yeah, the one I wonder if brown might like not not for now, but the um, the mic do microwaves work Do microwaves dude. I was fucking funny. That was yeah, I don't know if he likes that I don't know if he likes like that because the banter that kind of banter. I don't know if he likes that much You've got to try it out. Yeah. Yeah, we will so just comment what you want matt to watch next everybody And that is the reviews all fucked. All right guys, so we're gonna do a peer box next week We've been going for way too long. So we've got one crack at this prank call We're meant to be banking these prank calls, but we haven't been we apologize. Let's hope This prank call works. All right. I'm gonna call a movies As darin and pretend that I'm in the movie and say that it's a shit movie and that I want to refund During the movie Thank you for calling Hey, yeah, get out Diana. Um, I'm just in um one of um dumb movies. Um here. Um guardians are Off the galaxy in that and look It's it's not um, it's fucking it's not good at all lock I thought like watching the reviews and that like that. It'd be way better But look i'm sitting in here and like it's just like it's just fucking shit So i'm wondering like if I leave now like Can I get like a refund or something because that's like not really fair that you's Going away some more time and that saying it's good movie But like it's like this is like fucking the first one's like way better than this. Have you seen have you seen this one? No, I haven't yeah, it's like fucking so bad like I like i'm pretty sure someone's already walked out. So like Yeah, can use it Fucking shush me keep your fucking face in the front you fucking dope you bitch Yeah, I can't I could seriously I can't sit through this No, I can't stop fucking turn around at me now like oh fucking Tell me shush and shit, but like look at it. Look at the fucking movie everyone. Like what the fuck's going on here Like what the fuck is this shit look that acting can't fucking act better than that all fucking drugs can't She's coming straight to the cinema I'm just just sprinting into this She's probably the only person on right now That was so good We have an emergency and then she's sprinting to the cinema joking. That's enough for a prank or try call back I'll call again. I'll call. I'll call again. What's your angle here though? I'm just gonna be like, why'd you fucking hang up on me then I'm coming Thank you for calling Reading Cinema just speaking with Dana. Yeah, don't he's just going to hang up on me Like I'm just trying to talk to you try and figure out like if I leave right now Do I get a refund or not? He's didn't even give me an answer Sorry, what fashion are you in? I don't know what I'm guarding the galaxy or whatever. It's fucking cool. Yeah, what time? 7 30 7 30 session like I don't know what cinema number or whatever, but like I've been sitting here for an hour Uh, we don't issue refunds after 30 minutes. Oh fuck. So you got to be joking me Well, can I come out and get like free like coca something or like free popcorn on that because like I've got people in here now Look, we'll stand up or half on the puffing at me in that That's like everyone knows shit murthy and I'm just like we're sitting here like fucking like what the fuck's going on Wait, I'm gonna wait another hour more life like sitting here and use fucking cost me like fucking dirty dolls or whatever it done So can I come out at least get a free can of coca something? Uh, no, we don't do refunds after 15 minutes of the movie Right, right, right, right. Anything like that. No, look, I respect you coming back at me now I'm being like all right laying the law down on that Look, that's um, that's respectful lock and off of sat back down now. Um, um, or quiet down and shit But look, I'm just letting you know like he's gotta maybe like put like a Disclaimer unlock the post or something. Just say like just let people know like this fucking movies like fucking shit Like it's fucking bad. Do you know what I mean? Look dirty bucks a lot of money be spending around fucking movies and that shit Do you know what I'm fucking saying, right? Our 730 session is only $18 for a ticket. Yeah, I've got I'm here with my mate and when and whatever whatever it fucking was I don't know. I'll just scan me fucking car. What I'm saying is it's expensive Right, and I'm saying he's got to let people know if the shit movie All right, I'll calm down. Hang on. I'm just on the phone Me. Oh, anyway, divana, what's divana was Uh, yeah, look, it's you can't be talking through the movie either like if you're on the phone during the movie It's a bit disrespectful everywhere. Well, what do you expect me to do? I can't oh, I'll just bloody walk out here and lose all my money and lock and lock If you have any problems with the movies, you can come to front and talk to us But please don't be dessert just having other people during the session. Yeah. Well, what is this? I'm not disturbing I'm disturbing a fucking piece of shit on the screen, brother It's like it's not much going on. So there's not much to disturb. Is it? I'm gonna fucking roll all my fellas Oh face the fucking front face the front. Stop staring at me. All right, divana. I'm gonna come out and get a free can of car. I'll come back in and I'll calm down, right? I'll calm down everyone. I'll fucking calm down You respect me divana or expect you all right, and I've got your back now for life We are blood together We are sewn together at the soul. Do you understand me? I'm gonna come out and get us and we are gonna go have a candy cart I'm gonna talk through and everyone's all good. I'll quiet and down I'll come back in and we are sewn together by the southern cross star spirit in our heart and soul Do you understand that and I mean it Southern cross to the day I die I love you. I love you Okay, she's gone Oh Imagine if we had enough time in the podcast where we could go to the cinema now and then I could be Darren and come out and pretend that I've just done that Let's do that on heaps of cinemas that is fucking gold Even like different characters you you could do like fucking um screaming lady. Yeah fucking. Oh imagine Albert fine Margaret is it Albert fine Arnold fine Yeah, oh fuck dude. Oh Margaret Margaret would be amazing imagine her like getting angrier and angrier. Yeah Oh, dude That was epic very good. All right guys. That is the end of episode number 12 Don't forget to like I like I didn't tell you uncle about everything that you saw here And don't forget that Matt is a single fish and wants you With