 Is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Once upon a time, there was a popular little jingle that went something like this. Needles and pins, needles and pins. When a man marries, his trouble begins. Well, as my wife will probably tell you, and me, that isn't always the case. Even after his children are born, a man shouldn't figure on more than an average amount of trouble. It says here, but when a man like Jim Anderson makes a date for his entire family and has to get them all dressed and out of the house at a specific time, brother, that's trouble like this. Margaret, for the love of Pete. I'm all finished in the kitchen, dear. You should have finished two hours ago. I told you what Mr. Gribble said. It won't do you any good to shout, Jim. I had to put the roast in the oven. Margaret, do you realize that it's almost one o'clock and I promised Mr. Gribble. It's only 12.30. But if he's nice enough to invite us to the tennis matches as his guest. Hey, Dad. The least we can do is be ready on time. We'll be ready on time. Dad. What is it, bud? Did you see my blue sweater? No, I didn't see your blue sweater. Did you look in your top drawer, dear? No. Well, look in it. Okay. Margaret. Jim, there isn't anything to worry about. Really, there isn't. I'll comb my hair and put on a hat. You combed your hair less than an hour ago. That's right. Now I'm going to comb it again. Do you have any objections? I... Go ahead, honey. Thank you. And see if you can't make those kids move a little faster, will you? Dad. 10 to 1, that's Gribble again. Tell him we're leaving right now. Oh, sure. Hello? Jim, this is J.P. Gribble. Hello, J.P. We were just... Jim, will your car hold all of us? Dad. Just a minute, J.P. Bud, your father's on the phone. But it isn't in the top drawer. Jim, I just want to make sure... I'll be with you in a second, J.P. Look in the bottom drawer! I did. Did you look on the closet shelf? Hey, that's a good place. Jim! Just one more second, J.P. Honey, will you please go upstairs and... Oh, dear, I'll bet I forgot to fix the timer on the oven. But Margaret... I'll be back in two seconds, dear. I don't know. Hello? You're sure I'm not interfering with anything? Oh, no! What was it, J.P.? I... Do you have room for me in your car? Of course! That's all I wanted to know. There! I'll see you in a short time. I hope. Oh, we'll be leaving right away, J.P. Fine. See you later, Jim. Thank you, J.P. Stuffy old... Dad! But if you call me once more, so help me... But it isn't in the closet. It isn't anywhere. Then wear something else! It's a good thing I thought of it. We'd have had no dinner when we got back. But I want to wear the gray slacks, and they go together. Bud, what blue sweater are you talking about? My blue sweater. The one Aunt Martha gave Dad for Christmas. His blue sweater. I can't find it anyplace. Bud, it's my sweater, and I'm wearing it. Margaret, for the love of heaven, will you please go upstairs and... Jim, I'd have been ready five minutes ago if you hadn't kept me here talking. Uh... I'm sorry, honey. I won't let it happen again. I certainly haven't held anything up. Besides, I haven't stopped going since I got out of bed this morning. Absolutely, dear. I don't know how Solomon ever stood it. Well, don't you look pretty. Thank you kind, sir, as she said. Yes, sir. Pretty is a... Wait a minute. Is that a new dress? Well, it's... I have to find my yellow bra, Father. You stay right here. Who said you could buy a new dress? Well, they were having a sale. Hi, Daddy. How do I look? You look fine, kitten. Betty, since when do you take it upon yourself? Kathy, you didn't comb your hair. Oh, that's a big fib. I certainly did comb my hair. You certainly did not. I certainly did. Father, her hair is all over her face. Well, that's the way I like it. Kathy, go upstairs and comb your hair. But I just did. Well, go upstairs and have your mother comb it for you. Gee whiz, everybody makes such a big fuss. And for what? It's only hair. Father, if you don't do something about that child... Never mind about that child and put your hat on. I'd like to get one of you ready. Yes, Father. Dad! Oh. Now what is it? I can't find the gray slacks. You mean my gray slacks? I can't find them anyplace. I'm wearing them. You're wearing the slacks, too? They're mine, aren't they? Well, sure, but... Wait a minute. Haven't you even put your pants on? How could I? When you're wearing them. There's something else. This is JP Gribble. Oh, JP, I'm awfully sorry, but you know how it is with children. Mother! Betty, for crying out loud. What is that, Jim? I said we'll be leaving here in less than five minutes. Did you call me, Betty? Well, see that you do. You don't have to worry about a thing, JP. I can't find... The first match starts promptly at two o'clock. Yes, dear. What? Betty, would you please... What is that, Jim? I said we're leaving in two minutes. Well, see that you don't take any longer. All right, JP, we'll be right along. Bad tempered old fossil. Betty, I said you're... Don't tell her she couldn't. She did. But... But... How many times have you been told... That was pretty quick, huh, dad? I didn't even bother to take my shoes off when I put my pants on. You were a genius. Oh, go on. What am I going to do? About what? I can't go without a hat. Well, that isn't the only hat you own, is it? You just don't understand. Margaret! See, that's an idea. I'll be right there! A king back. Well, what are we waiting for? But... Bend over and pick up the... What? No, I'd better not. You'd better not, what? Never mind, son. It was just an idea. I don't see anything to pick up. Oh, bud, let's forget the whole thing. Daddy, do I look better now? You look fine, kitten. Where's your mother? She'll be down in a second. She's helping Betty find her gloves. She left them right here. Margaret, Betty's gloves are on the hall table. It isn't possible. The whole thing is just a bad dream. Why does she need gloves anyway? It isn't cold. Boy, are you dumb. Girls don't wear gloves to keep warm. They don't? Of course not. They wear them so they won't have to wash their hands. See? Bud, Kathy has enough silly ideas of her own. She doesn't need any of yours. That isn't my idea. Stevie Long told me, and he's got four sisters. Golly, if I had enough gloves, I could go for a whole year. Now, do you see what you've started? All I said was... And if I got them long enough, I wouldn't have to wash anything. Margaret, what's keeping Betty now? No, not a thing, dear. She'll be down as soon as she changes her shoes. Her shoes? What was wrong with the shoes she had on? They didn't go with her hat and gloves. Mommy, may I have a pair of gloves? We'll see, dear. Margaret, you know what an important client, Gribble, is. How can you do this to me? We're not doing a thing to you, dear. Hurry up, Betty. Oh, no. Betty, you don't have to change your dress. I already did. If Gribble wants to know why we're late, I'll just tell him. The Andersons don't go anywhere on time. We have to worry about gloves and shoes and hats. Well, you certainly didn't want Betty to go out with accessories that didn't match, did you? Of course not. They'd probably have thrown a whole bunch of us in jail. They what? Kathy. Another joke? That's right. I'm right here, Father. Oh. I don't believe it. Jim, let's not waste any more time. I just... Margaret, you seem to forget I was ready to leave an hour ago. Well, then don't stand there. Oh, dear. Margaret. I'm sure I left one of the kitchen windows open. Bud. Yes, ma'am. Bud, you stay right where you are. But, Mom said... I closed all the windows. But, Jim... Every time we go anywhere, we spend a half hour checking on the windows and doors. But not this time. This time I took care of everything. Personally. Well, if you're sure. All right, Betty. Kathy. Bud. Tell me about the clothes. You have all afternoon to talk about them. Mother, do you think these shoes... Those are the shoes you're going to wear, Betty, so you'd better get used to them. But if... jumping creepers. What are you kicking about? I was figuring on wearing my blue sweater. It is not your blue sweater. Well, I wear it all the time. Why, Jim, you took the car out. How thoughtful. Oh, yes, I had it all very carefully planned. Except for a few minor things like hair and yellow berets. I didn't hold anybody up. I was ready a long time ago. Jim. All right, everybody, let's go. Jim, the phone's ringing. It's probably just gribble. Kathy, get away from those flowers. Jim, it might be important. Honey, I give you my word. Well, take the kids out to the car and I'll be with you in two seconds. All right, dear. Come along, children. Boy, we'll never get started. Try not to be too long, father. We're late enough now. I... Oh, what's the use? If it is gribble, I've got a good mind of telling him to take his tennis matches and his private box and his insurance business and... Hello? Haven't you left yet? Well, as a matter of fact, JP... Never mind the excuses. Look, would you do me a favor on the way over? I'd love to, JP. You see, we were already out the door and... Stop off at Peterson's cigar store at Cypress and Hill and ask Louis... Wait a minute, JP. I'll write it down. Go ahead, JP. Peterson's cigar store. Yes? Cypress and Hill. Yes? Ask for Louis. Yes? And tell him to give you a box of my special cigars. Right. Is that all, JP? Just one more thing. Now I'm an errand boy. I have to pick up cigars. First thing you know, he'll be asking me to babysit with his grandchildren. I don't know why I ever went into the insurance business anyway. There must be an easier way to make a living. Was it anything important, dear? Oh, yes, very important. We have to stop and pick up some cigars for Mr. Gribble. Well, that won't take very long, will it? Father, if you don't hurry up... Betty, if I hear one more word out of you, so help me, I'll lay you across my knee and spank you. I'd avoid that. And you'll be next. Jim, there's no point in just standing there. Well, there's also no point in my getting in till I find the car keys. Did you lose them, father? No, I didn't lose them. Well, where are they? They're right where they always are, in the same ring as the... Oh, my gosh. Jim, what is it? The keys. I put them down on the telephone table. Margaret, do you have your keys with you? Well, no, dear, as long as we were all going to be together. Betty? I left mine and my other purse. Well, that's fine. That's just great. Daddy! No car keys, no house keys. Daddy! You know what? What is it, Kathy? We're going to be late. It's a mistake, can't it? It's just that father sometimes seems to overdo it. Nonetheless, ladies, there are many times when the man of the house just can't make a mistake. For example, when it comes to judging truly good coffee, your husband is right every time, for he's the world's greatest coffee expert. Of course, we're often rated as experts, too. More families do enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But when your husband sits down to enjoy a satisfying, heartwarming cup of your coffee, why, he's the only expert who matters. And tomorrow, if you fill his cup with the rich, hearty flavor of our Maxwell House, we're sure he'll smile and say, That's really delicious coffee. Yes, ma'am, that's what he'll say. Fact is, we'll return your money if he doesn't. You see, no other coffee tastes like Maxwell House, because no other coffee is made like Maxwell House. That famous good to the last drop flavor can come only from a very special recipe, one that demands certain fine coffees blended just so. And that recipe belongs to Maxwell House alone. Tomorrow, then, serve the world's best coffee, our Maxwell House, to your husband. If he doesn't say, that's wonderful coffee, just send us the can and unused portion, and we'll refund your money. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Yes, let the coffee expert you married enjoy coffee with the world's most famous flavor, our Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. A slightly illiterate philosopher once explained Einstein's theory in this manner. If you kiss your girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But if you sit on a stove for a minute, it'll take you a year. That's relativity. Well, it's only seconds later outside the White Frame House on Maple Street. But the Andesans feel that they've been on the hot seat much longer than that. Like this. Margaret. Jim, there wasn't any sense in my taking all the things out of my large purse, and as long as you were going to be with us... But what if something happened to me? What if I were run over? Dear, you'd still have your keys, wouldn't you? You had a whole year pleading for your own key. But you kept telling me to hurry, and I didn't have time to switch everything. I'll bet you've got your lipstick. Well, naturally, you wouldn't want me to go out in public practically naked, would you? Any luck, Bud? No, if I tried the windows and they're all locked. That's fine. That's just great. The one time I remembered to lock all the windows and nobody has a key. You know, Dad, if I had a key... Bud, this is not the time. But other fellas have keys, boys of 15 aren't supposed to have their own keys. Joe Phillips is only 15. You weren't Joe Phillips. I know, but he has keys that don't even fit anything. I've got a good idea. I've got a better idea. Why don't you... Jim! There's only going to tell her to keep still. Oh. We'll find a way, somehow. If you let me have a key. Bud, stop that. Holy cow. Spend the whole morning sitting around doing nothing. What's the matter, Jim? Is something wrong? Oh, no. Everything's just fine. You look like everything's just fine. What's the problem? Daddy forgot his keys. That's right. Blame the whole thing on me. Well, didn't you? Locked out, huh? We're supposed to pick up old man Gribble in 10 minutes and the car keys are inside on the telephone table. Nice, isn't it? You know, even for you, that's quite a mess. What do you mean, even for me? Well, Jim, let's face it. We don't get into trouble any more than any other family in the neighborhood. No? No. Okay. Daddy! Kathy, for crying out loud. But I want to tell Daddy... Say, I've got an idea. How about having Kathy break a window? Ed. Well, she breaks mine all the time. I don't miss. Dad. Ed, if there's any other way of doing it, why not break any windows? Well, it was just an idea. Dad. Maybe we could have Kathy climb down the chimney. I'll say this for you, Betty. You may not come up with a lot of suggestions, but when you do, there's certainly no good. Dad. What is it, bud? The phone's ringing. Well, what do you want me to do? Crawl through the keyhole? I was just telling you. Daddy! Kathy, please don't bother me. You know, we're never going to get in if somebody doesn't come up with an idea. Do you have a hairpin, Mom? I imagine so. Why? I can pick the lock. Now, wait a minute, bud. It isn't very hard, Dad. You mean you've done it? No, but I saw a picture last night and the fella... All right, bud. But he opened locks that way. I said, all right. Holy cow. He said we needed an idea, and then the first time I say... Jim, why don't we do it this way? Suppose you take my car. Daddy! Just a minute, kitten. That's mighty generous of you, Ed, but what are you going to do? Well, I'm supposed to go to a meeting of the Realty Board, and if you'll drop me off there, one of the other men can bring me home. Ed, that's awfully nice of you. Maybe on the way back, you can pick up a locksmith with a skeleton key or something. Say, that is an idea. Ed, if you're sure it won't put you out too much... Daddy! ...there won't be any trouble at all. Daddy, won't you please listen to me? What is it, Kathy? I know how to get in the house. You do? Well, why didn't you say so? You wouldn't let me. All right, Kathy, how can we get in? Through the milk hole. The what? Where the milkman leaves the milk. I crawl through it all the time. That's right, Dad. Through the milk hole? Isn't over a foot square. But I can get through, Daddy. I put one arm way up like this, and the other one... Jim, I think Ed's right. If he's willing to lend us his car... Honey, if Kathy can get in and open the door, we won't have to borrow his car. I can, Daddy. Really, I can. Look, as long as you're in such an all-fired hurry... Ed, don't think I'm not grateful. I am, believe me. But if I can help it, I just assume not drive around in somebody else's car. Suit yourself. But have you ever seen Kathy go through the milk hole? Sure. I was the one who taught her how. That's fine. First, he wants to pick locks, and now... Well, there wasn't anybody home, and I was hungry. Father, whatever we're going to do, don't you think we ought to do it? You know, it's an amazing thing. She was the one who held everything up, and now... Jim, do you want the car, or don't you? I... Kathy, are you sure you can get in? Oh, sure. She can get in, Dad. Well, okay. Thanks just the same, Ed, but we'll use our own car. Okay, pal. I hope you know what you're doing. We'll manage, Ed, and thanks just the same. See you in jail. What did he mean by that? Well, after all, someone might think breaking into a house is against the law. How can you break into your own house? That's what we're trying to find out, isn't it? Margaret, if you're not going to make sense... Here it is, Daddy. All right. Well, let's see you make like Houdini. Who? Just crawl inside and open the door. Come on, Kathy, I'll give you a push. This is fun, isn't it, Mommy? Oh, yes, great fun. Hold the door open, will you, Betty? Yes, brother, dear. Come on, Kathy, stick your head in. Well, I have to put my arm up first. Bud, are you sure... It's a cinch, Dad. What do you see? Okay, Bud, I'm ready. Here we go. Take a deep breath, Kathy. Okay. Bud, you're going to hurt her. Oh, she's all right, Mom. Aren't you, Kathy? Well, pull yourself through. Kathy! William! God! Bud, pull her out. Why can't I push her in? Pull her out! We'll have you out in two seconds, Kathy. Jim! There's nothing to worry about, honey. Kathy, put your stomach in. I said she was getting too fat. You stay out of this. Kathy! Yes, Daddy? See if you can't wiggle your shoulders. Your bright ideas. Well, gosh, Dad, she didn't have any trouble last year. Oh, God! You mean she hasn't tried it since last year? I don't think so. But the hole hasn't gotten any smaller. Bud, of all the idiotic... Yeah! Jim, you've got to do something. Kathy, take a real deep breath. I'm going to pull you out. Betty, tell Mr. Davis we'll be glad to borrow his car. Okay, Father. And hurry. Yes, Father. Jim, how can you think of borrowing a car at a time like this? Well, the way he's got her wedged in here, I'd like to borrow a truck. Jim, you're not going to use the car, huh? Kathy? Yes, Daddy? I'm going to pull once more. Want me to pull too, Dad? No, I'll take care of it myself. Kathy? Yes, Daddy? Here we go. Here she comes. Jim, you're ruining her dress. Well, would you rather I left her in there? Of course not. Don't worry, kitten. One more pooling will have you out. Make yourself small now. Here we are. Oh, Angel. I got stuck. Jim, her dress is ruined. Oh, she'll be all right. I still can't figure out why she didn't go through. Father, Mr. Davis isn't there. You mean he's gone? I guess so. Now what are we going to do? Margaret! Bud, go in and open the back door. Okay, Mom. Honey, what got into you? Be careful of the glass, Bud. I'm all right, Mom. I'll be out in a second. What were you saying, Jim? I... Couldn't you have picked a smaller window? Mommy, my whole dress is torn. I know, Angel. What a way to spend the day. Betty, if I hear one more word out of you... Well, it wasn't my fault. Never mind whose fault it was. Dad. I'd better go inside and call Gribble. Dad. Boy, wouldn't you hear that? What? What is it? Dad forgot to lock the back door. Jim! When it comes to coffee, ladies, only one thing means real value, the most in flavor for your money. So with that in mind, take home the coffee with the most famous flavor in the world, our Maxwell House coffee. Then put it up to the world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. Serve the wonderfully satisfying flavor of our Maxwell House to that man of yours. When he smiles and says, best coffee ever, you'll know that familiar blue Maxwell House tin with the big white cup and drop is packed with the only flavor for your family. And for value? Well, just count all the truly good cups of coffee you get from every pound. Tomorrow, buy coffee with the most in value, in flavor, in real coffee drinking enjoyment. That's Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Ladies and gentlemen, the Radio Awards Jury of the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation has selected Father Knows Best as the commercial network program making the outstanding contribution to highway safety during 1950. And has honored our sponsor, the makers of Maxwell House coffee, and our star, Robert Young, with a 1950 Sloan Award. We want to say thank you very much to the Radio Awards Jury for this recognition. And while we're talking about highway safety and its importance to all of us, I'd like to remind you young drivers to write for membership cards in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club and copies of the Man to Man and Dad to Daughter Agreements. Just write to Robert Young in care of this NBC station and they will be sent to you. Folks, Gainsey, the famous talking dog, always says, Gain's meal. What about Gain's meal, Gainsey? Nourishes every inch of a dog. It sure does. Kennel and laboratory tests prove Gain's meal supplies balanced nourishment your dog needs for good health. Yet Gains costs less to feed than any other type of dog food. Yet Gains's meal. America's largest selling dog food. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast with June Whitley as Margaret, Rhoda Williams, Ted Donaldson, Norma Jean-Dillson, Barney Phillips, Ed Begley and yours truly Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck to all those of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed Jayne. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Dragnet is the story of your police force in action. Listen on NBC.