 So I've been thinking a lot about standards and being too picky and especially now that I'm in a Significant relationship and I'm looking back at some of the what I call is the box I created the box I created in other words the Laundry list of things I was looking for in a relationship and well I I certainly believe that there's value in Knowing who you are and who might be in alignment with you. I think sometimes those can also get in the way Now I'll give me an example of what I think is picky. I think I Was once working with a client who was five foot two and she said Jonathan I refuse to date men under six foot two. I want a man who's six foot two so I can feel protected You know and I can feel like a real woman in front of him That's a nice a five foot two. You want someone a foot taller That might be a little bit too picky because less than 3% of the male population is over six foot two Less than 15% are actually taller than six foot and I thought to myself Well Bruce Lee was five foot six at best and he could kick the crap out of ten guys all at once So is being protected based on height. I don't know. I think that might be ego, which is being picky Now a standard might be something along the lines like this You know, I value a healthy Eating style in other words I value people that put their health as an importance to them And so you know, I doubt I'd want to be with someone who's a chain smoker eating bonbons and fried food all day long Because to me, that's not valuing their health. I think that's a standard. That's not being too picky and yet in my own relationship, I had I had a kind of a no long-distance Policy when dating partially because I'm a physical touch person. I like to be connected with someone I was looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests and such So why so that was part of my box And that box kept distance between a literal and figural distance between now my my new partner Who happens to live in another state and fact she lives over? 2,400 miles away all right, so That box kept us apart and yet we still gravitated to one another and when we actually met and we actually Disgust the real possibility of being in a relationship with someone we really thought this through from not from the Fantasy perspective, you know, it's so romantic to be in a long-distance relationship is how can we take this distance and bring it close together? In fact, we've already planned that happening in the next few months And I'll give more details about that later. So why am I sharing this? Well to some degree my box was there Kind of sometimes as a protection mechanism I think being too picky might cause us to Protect ourselves because we are experiencing past hurts or traumas or experiences that didn't feel good So it's very common to put up walls or barriers when that's the case and yet at the same time I think it's really important to decide what's the essence of what you want from a person and what's interesting is while There's some things about my partner that aren't necessarily on my laundry list The essence of who this person is is absolutely on my a laundry list and you have to decide what that is for yourself You know I think it's interesting because she and I seem to have the same personality We like to we're might more like Netflix Netflix chill type of personality than then, you know Jock type of personality. I'm not a jock. I mean I do exercise, but I'm not a jock and she has that personality trait She has an interest in personal development like I do She has an interest of travel like I do so our personality seem to mesh in a number of areas And they may not be the case with every person. I've met I've met some women that are highly social and I like to be more casual And so our personalities might might not mesh, but ultimately what I'm getting at is Standards are being too picky. I think your standards are those important qualities You're looking for someone is do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable and the picky things Might be those things that get in the way based on our ego like this what I shared before on the height And I invite you all to look at the essence of a person when you're actually dating them now Let me just say this the reality is is most human beings are rather dysfunctional from an emotional Perspective they might be able to pay their bills they go to work on time that sort of thing But many people have weak emotional skills and weaker relationship skills at the same time I invite it's this is the tricky part Are they too far gone to heal or are they just at the cusp and could you actually invite a man to? Reveal his emotional side by leading by example This is why I continually suggest to women that you are the emotional leaders of the relationship not man And how do you do this you express your feelings you express your thoughts you ask questions You go deeper than the surface of how's your day going? Because that's actually going to determine if this person is capable of moving to that more healthier space Versus those guys that will run away and those guys will run away aren't your guys anyway Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know post a comment below this made sense This resonated with you as always if you find value in the group Please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website Jonathan assay.com have them click the group coaching button So they can join our fantastic group And I'm going to sign off this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic John the Merrick of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now