 So my name is Pam and my entire life changed this year In the spring of this year my Heavenly Father called me out of the darkness and gave me the gift of faith He gave me this gift of faith not for a grace not based on my condition or of anything. I've done For Scripture says in Ephesians 2 8 For my for by grace you have been saved through faith and that none of of yourselves. It is the gift of God. I Was not raised in any church or In a home with any kind of Christian values I was raised in an environment where alcohol and drugs and abuse was normal and accepted. I Grew up around motorcycle gangs drunken parties and violence. I Learned at a young age that people what people did when they were drunk was quite different than what they did when they were sober And that drunkers were not held accountable for their actions. I Never felt loved from my mom only rejection and I didn't know who my dad was But my grandma my grandpa showed me love, but it always came at a high cost I learned at an early age that the only way to survive was to build walls to become strong. I Learned to depend on myself alone. I Was a bracing crass hateful and untrusting of anyone and everyone. I Want to the church for the first time in my late 20s charismatic And even though I didn't seek God I honestly believed I was a Christian in every sense of the word regardless of not attending church a lack of communion with the father and The absolute obscene one I can send all I want today and ask forgiveness tomorrow and be forgiven. No big deal Since there's always somebody sitting worse than I am Oh, how wrong I was Easy believe is him taught me that God was only about love. I knew nothing about the God being just and Why would I I never studied the word? I read a little here and there, but never really understood it The desire and the hunger was not there The worst thing is that I thought Jesus died on the cross only because of what the Romans did to him. I Had a false understanding of salvation and how it was obtained one of my co-workers Rebecca my Rebecca Had been evangelizing to me for four years, but I was unresponsive to the gospel nine months ago. I was at work when the Lord used a conversation between Ryan to be in working in me I remember telling him that I never doubted Jesus was real since the day I heard about him years ago Looking back at my life. I realized just how ignorant I was when I said that Even though I believe Jesus existed. I never sought to know him Ryan showed me that I wasn't truly trusting in God in any aspect of my life and that I needed a savior Three days later. I began attending cornerstone. I began to read What is the gospel? Which was given to me my first visit and listening to Paul Washer sermons Tested truth faith and not ashamed of the gospel when I understood the sacrifice Jesus made for me This is when I realized Jesus for the weight of my rebellion disobedience and sin on his shoulders While he was nailed to the cross I did not know that God and his holiness turned away from Jesus and disgust just prior to crushing him with his wrath Jesus who is perfect and sinless Love me so much that he became the atonement for my sin How does one comprehend such a love to understand the sacrifice Jesus made for me hit me deep down It took my breath away. I can't explain the hurt. I feel in my own heart but what I have done and Careless and how I carelessly lived my life how I'm the one that put Jesus on that cross When this realizing Realization came to me. I couldn't stop crying for the longest time. It was the moment. I finally realized how wicked I am and how deserving I am of Hell This was a scary and very defining moment for me and that brings me to tears when I think about it I am not ashamed of my feelings Or the gospel. I'm not ashamed of who I have become and will share with anyone who will listen. I Am not who I was eight months ago And I'm not even the same person. I was a couple weeks ago I am continuing to grow steadily in my faith and God is constantly changing me into the Christian He created me to be The day I was truly introduced to the gospel was the day my eyes were open to the Lord and I never knew that I'm sorry The day I was truly introduced to the gospel was the day my eyes were open to the Lord I never knew and in turn the God opened my heart My entire life changed that day By God's grace I say I was saved From the moment it happened I knew that something was new and that something had changed. I felt completely different I no longer felt broken and I knew instantly that it had nothing to do with me. I Don't know why God chose me Or why he changed me so quickly, but he did I can in no way claim any merit from my salvation or Sanctificate and sanctification What I do know is that my life is no longer mine and that I need to trust God at all things I no longer desire to please myself, but to please God. I Do not want to gather worldly possessions, but only build treasures in heaven All I want to do is glorify God and everything I do Apart apart from God's grace. I can do nothing and everything I do. I just I desire to do in faith I want people to see Christ when they look at me I trust the Lord will finish the work he has started in me Now knowing what God did for me. Why would I ever want to do anything other than serve and glorify him for the rest of my life? I desire to serve the Lord in everything Every way I can and pray that my hunger to do so never ceases For though the Lord for through the Lord. I am finally living my life to the fullest with such joy I have a new mission and i'm very excited to see where the father will use me All praise honor and glory to the Christ who gave himself for me Amen Commit to the terrible lord of the number four so bad for church Join the baptized each day and the baptized you will be the father For this time with the holy spirit Be the Christ of baptism