 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأوى له الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عمت الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ نفساً بسجل الله ومسجل الله يخبرون الله كرساتنا لنا رسالة محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم للهاتف وفائهه أننا نتحدث عن أشياء تقلل لدس مارتل ونحن نتحدث عن الأجهزة المثال ومشاهدنا في مارتل دس كورد سنذهب إلى المشاهد المارتل right now أصدقائه أكثر في المفتاحين عنه ونشوز ونشوز is a word that is most often used in relation to a woman and her husband but it can also be used in relation to the husband and his wife so we're going to look at what the word means we're going to look at some of the rulings related to it and some of the solutions that Islam gives and what those solutions really mean in a practical sense so the word النشوز in a linguistic sense means ولمتناع والترفع and it's from a نشز which is it means وظهر so linguistically it comes from refusal it comes from a person رفوزing something a person just you know ترفع just i i don't want to have anything to do with this and sort of a person if you like sort of standing up and saying i'm not gonna i'm not gonna listen anymore or i'm not going to i'm not going to follow anymore and kind of sort of becoming ظهر becoming apparent and standing up and sort of if you like a degree of rebellious rebelliousness if that's the right word so these are some of the linguistic meanings around the word النشوز as for in the شريعة of islam then النشوز it is in terms of the woman it is for a woman to disobey her husband in what Allah has made obligatory for her to obey him in so she refuses to obey her husband she says i'm no longer able or i'm no longer willing to obey you in this thing that Allah has required me to obey you in and we've already spoken about what about the different things that a woman is required to obey her husband in and she says i'm not i'm not willing to do that anymore so she is what is called النشوز she is a woman who is who is in a state of النشوز in a state of uh you can say disobedience rebelliousness where the marriage is broken down to such an extent where she says i'm no longer willing or i'm no longer able to obey you in the things which Allah has made obligatory for me to obey you in and this situation of النشوز is mentioned in the Qur'an الله عز وجل mentions it and Allah سبحانه وتعالى tells us solutions for it but it's also the case that it's not only mentioned with regard to the woman as we're going to see later on it's also mentioned as it relates to the man so there's no doubt that the woman who is in a state of النشوز she is the one who has raised herself up over husband she said i'm not willing to to listen to what he says anymore and i am i'm going to turn my back on him and i'm going to turn away from him and that is what we call النشوز and as we said we're going to hear later on that it can come from the husband as well so what is the ruling of النشوز as it relates to the woman the مذاهب الفقية الأربعة the the different مذاهب the حنفية the ماليكية the شافعية the حنابلة are in agreement on this issue that it is forbidden for a woman to fall into النشوز it's not allowed for her to fall into النشوز into this state of disobedience and rebelliousness and if she does so her husband has certain things that are available to him by way of remedy for this situation that it's got into and we want to make it clear the situation that it gets into it is it is because something has happened to to get it to that position something has gone wrong and in the beginning it may be something the النشوز maybe relatively the rebellious nature maybe relatively minor and it may be possible to fix it with relatively minor things but as we're going to hear it can get it can get more and more severe the breakdown in the marriage that happens and we we can recognize this from the woman's side when she's no longer willing to show obedience to her husband in the things that Allah has had legislated for her to show obedience in and the main reference that we have for the steps that her husband has available to him is ayah number 34 in صورة النساء الله عز وجل سر واللاتي تخافون النشوزهن فاعظوهن وهجروهن في المضاجع وضربوهن فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغو عليهن سبيلا إن الله كان علياً كبيرا this ayah really has everything that we need to relate to the topic of النشوز from the point of view of the woman and that is that those women that you fear their النشوز you fear that they're going to have be rebellious towards you and that they're not going to obey you anymore so the marriage has broken down something has gone wrong the woman says i'm not listening to you anymore in the things that Allah has obliged me to listen when they got married they had this understanding they had these important conditions this important ميثاق and covenant that existed this amana from Allah this set of responsibilities for the husband and the wife but something has broken down and she says i'm no longer willing to obey my husband i'm no longer willing to listen to my husband and this is haram and this is haram in agreement of all of the مضاهب it's haram for her to do this and the solution is not for her to fall into this disobedience of her husband that's not the solution however she falls into it so what is available to her husband الله عز و جل provides a number of remedies and these remedies are taken in stages فاعدوهن this is the very first one admonish them so in the beginning الله عز و جل didn't take this issue and make it bigger than it needs to be الله سبحانه وتعالى said if you see from your wife some kind of نشوز some kind of refusal some kind of uh disobedience then you have to admonish her speak to her and this admonishment الله عز و جل didn't give it a time limit he didn't say فاعدوهن أسبوع فاعدوهن شهر فاعدوهن سنة فاعدوهن سنتين الله didn't say a month or a week or a year or two years الله didn't give it a time limit to keep it up to the husband and to keep it as flexible as possible so let him talk to his wife let him be kind to her let him start with gentleness because of what we've heard about of رفق and a lean softness and gentleness and that رفق was never put into anything except that it made it beautiful and it was never taken out of anything except that it made it ugly so let the husband be gentle with her let the husband be soft with her let the husband talk to her and remind her about her obligations let him also look at his own faults and try to correct them and let there be a degree of admonishment from him so he can say to her look this is not right for you to do this and he can also increase this admonishment over time in the sense he can be a little bit more serious about it he can be a little bit more strict about it if he sees that that softness and gentleness isn't working but in the beginning his first step before he goes anywhere else and takes any other steps is العظة is admonishment and to verbally speak to her and ask her to go back to obedience and back to what Allah has commanded and that's why Allah عز وجل said فإن أطعناكم if those women start to obey you and they come back فلا تبغوا عليهم سبيلا don't try to do anything to them إن الله كان عليا كبيرا الله is the most high and the most great and it's that's a threat from Allah سبحانه وتعالى of punishment for the man who he's admonished his wife he's spoken to his wife and she's gone back she's gone back to what she should have done it's not allowed for him to do anything further that's where he stops فاعدوهنا but sometimes this warning and admonishment and him verbally saying to her and reminding her and he might be patient in that for a very long time but it doesn't benefit so now he has another remedy which is available to him and that is الحجر وهجروهن في المضاجع and abandon them in the bed actually there are two types of حجر that are available to the husband the first is the one which is mentioned in the آية وهجروهن في المضاجع abandon them in the bed and even this like the like the warning and the admonishment it has levels to it and what we mean by that is like we said the admonishment can start off with a soft word then a little bit more stern then a little bit more serious and so on likewise the حجر can start off with just turning his back on his wife just not putting his hand on her when he goes to sleep you know just being distant from her in the bed and then it can go as far as him turning around in the bed on the other side and then it can go as far as him sleeping on the floor next to the bed and so on like it can it can go like that but he doesn't want this حجر to go outside of the house he doesn't want it to become knowledge of everyone in the and all of the family members at this point because one of the principles we have and we didn't mention this in the principles but it was one of the principles we mentioned it now which is that the مشاكل the problems between the husband and the wife they should stay between the husband and the wife as much as is possible and as much as is as much as it can be kept in the house it should be kept in the house and as little as you can involve other people that's better the less you involve people the better it is so the abandonment the حجر of her should be something private there only those who know about and from the people of knowledge of those who said that even the children should not know about it where possible the second type of حجر that is indicated is الحجر في الكلام that he abandons her in speech he abandons her in speech he doesn't speak to her and this is indicated in a حديث of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم which is a general حديث in which the حديث narrated by أبي أيوب الأنصاري رضي الله عن أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لا يحل للمسلم أن يهجر أخاه فوق ثلاثة ليالي فوق ثلاثة ليالي it is not allowed for a مسلم to make حجر of his brother more than three nights i three days it's not allowed to stop speaking to someone for more than three days so if he doesn't speak to his wife he's not allowed to go over the three days that is set out for him in the شريع as for abandoning his wife in the bed then this is something which is also narrated in a حديث عن أم سلمة رضي الله عنها أنها قالت أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم حلف أن لا يدخل على بعض أهله شهراء فلما مضى تسعة وعشرون يوم غدا عليهم أو راح فقيل له حلفت يا نبي الله أن لا تدخل علينا شهراء قال إن الشهر يكون تسعة يكون تسعة وعشرين يوم أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يجعل أنه يجعل أنه لا يتبقى مع حفاظه for a month وذلك عندما يسألهم لأجهزة في حفاظه يسألهم أكثر ويسألهم لأكثر من العالم أكثر من حفاظه العالم وأن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يجعل أنه لا يتبقى معهم حفاظه و عندما يوم الى 29 دن يأتي لهم في morning or evening ويحدث لهم أو يجعل أنه هو النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه يتبقى with us for a month يقول أنه بعض الوحيد يتكون 29 ديات في موارده. لذلك هذا يتخيل لنا بمسيبية من الشخص يتخيل بشكل مدى في مواجهة الوحيد وروهنة في المضاجع تبقى منهم في الموارد. عندما يصل إلى مواجهة مدى بأس or يذكر بأنه أن تكون هذه المتاعات التي حدثت إلى فرصة صلى الله عليه وسلم في تلك الموضوعات وهجروهنة في المضاقع يتبعون منهم في المدوح أو يباندونهم في المدوح وما كما قلتنا بشكل كبير ، هذا هو ما يجب أن يحدث لكن بعض المتاعات يتعرف ونقرأ ونقرأة فرصة صلى الله عليه وسلم كان يكون مخلوق في المحال في حالة أن الأشياء التي حدثت لهم كانت تأكيد من الأشياء والتساعدات لجميعنا أن نعلم منها لذلك هذا المتأكد أنه لم يحدث وقد حدثت إلى الوقت when the rumor was spread that the Prophet ﷺ had divorced his wives وذلك حدثت أنه لم يدفعهم ولكن أنه يجب أن يدفعه منهم بسبب هذا المساعدة التي كانت تأكيدة ماذا حدث إذا كان هذا الحجر في الكلام والحجر في المضاجع؟ يجب أن يتكلمهم ويكلمهم ويجب أن يتكلمهم ويجب أن يتكلمهم ويجب أن يتكلمهم لذا now we come to one of the really important parts of the ayah وضربوهن and this is the last one mentioned in this ayah وضربوهن الضرب الضرب the word ضربة يضربو ضربا this word it means to hit but it covers a very wide variety of hitting and so when you see people say that the Quran gives permission for a man to beat his wife then this is something that no person of intellect and no person who has the smallest knowledge of Islam would think is true rather Islam does not give a man permission to beat his wife Islam gives a man in a certain situation with certain conditions permission to hit his wife in a certain way with a certain set of rules and regulations no doubt Allah does not oppress anyone and Allah has made a ظلم حرام He's made oppression haram and the Prophet ﷺ forbade the beating of a man beating his wife and we're going to come to these Ahadith and talk about the conditions so what does it actually mean وضربوهن and what are the conditions of that hitting which is the third level after admonishment after abandoning وضربوهن so what does this actually what does this actually mean the first condition that the scholars and the people of knowledge put is that the husband must believe or at least have some sort of belief that this is going to actually make a difference in this day and age if you see what the scholars say about a man hitting his wife they say like with a سواق with a tooth stick a toothbrush or some of them with a منديل with a handkerchief with a tissue or some of them with an اسبع with a finger just like that just touch him just tapping like that nothing so the first condition is that he has to believe that this is actually going to make a difference it's actually going to make her think سبحان الله this husband that was so good to me and kind to me for him to take his toothbrush and tap me on the wrist with the toothbrush I must really have done something really really wrong and I must really come back to what Allah has commanded me to do and if that's not going to happen then this option is not an option for him it's only an option for him if he believes that this is actually going to make her change her decision and change her behaviour that's the first condition the second condition is that it is and that's because of the حديث of جابر in صحيح مسلم the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said in the حديث of جابر in صحيح مسلم if they do this and he mentioned certain acts of disobedience then you may strike them is striking which is not so the word مبرح it comes from and this is this is something which is hard something which is difficult to bear meaning that it should not cause any pain and it should not cause any bruising and it should not be difficult to bear so that excludes everything or almost everything that would be in a typical person's mind when it comes to a wife hitting when it comes to a husband hitting his wife typically what would be in a person's mind something painful bruising beating all of that is excluded from this حديث but a husband who raises one finger or two fingers or a مسواق or سواق or you know like a handkerchief and he taps his wife on the hand but this if this is like the final or one of the final stages in dealing with النشوز and ultimately when you see the limits that Islam put upon this it really isn't the issue that people make it out to be and in the حديث of معاوية القشيري رضي الله عن رضي الله عن is that the man is not allowed even that light hitting that is with his finger he's not allowed to hit her on the face and he's not allowed to hit her hard and the Prophet said he really rebuked this he said don't let one of you beat his wife don't let one of you beat his wife the way that someone would beat a slave then he goes and he sleeps with her at the end of the day goes and he has intimacy with her at the end of the day how can one of you beat your wife and then be intimate with her in the end of the night and that is a really that shows the rebuk of the Prophet سعيس أم towards that then add to this that the Prophet سعيس أم said about the men who hit even with one finger or two finger that those are not خياركم the best among me what about النشوز when it comes from the husband and how can even نشوز come from the husband how can it be if we said that نشوز from the woman is to disapear husband how can نشوز come from the husband this is also mentioned in صورة النساء in ayah number 128 وإن مراءة خافة من بعليها أو إعراضة فلاجناها عليهم أن يصلح بينهما صلح وصلح خير and if a woman fears from her husband نشوز or fears that he will turn away from her he will abandon her then there is no harm upon them in making a صلح between one another وصلح خير and making peace between each other and an agreement between each other is something good so the نشوز here is either ill treatment or إعراض it could be also explained as إعراض that he just doesn't want anything to do with her he doesn't it's like he doesn't want to keep her as a wife anymore he doesn't take it seriously anymore he doesn't want to be with her anymore and he's distant from her and the feeling is that you know that even maybe it matters of intimacy and things like that just became distant from her and he is either abandoning her or she fears that he might treat her badly then in this case there is no harm in the two of them coming to an agreement which is صلح and the meaning of the صلح here is that the couple agree to forego certain rights or the wife agrees to forego certain rights to give up certain rights in order to stop this نشوز or this إعراض to stop this إل-treatment or to stop this turning away from her husband turning away from her so for example it might be the case that the woman she is getting older and she feels that she's not really able to maybe to keep up with what her husband expects from her and she fears that it might come to the stage where her husband will divorce her or where her husband might no longer see no longer want to keep her as a wife because things have changed between them and things have broken down in a little way between them and it might not be the fault of either of the two of them something like age or it might be you know the fact that the woman she fears that this might happen or she senses that this might happen then there's no harm in them coming to an agreement and that agreement could be for example that she gives up some of her rights like let's say for example she has a co-wife she says my co-wife can take my night I want to stay married to my husband I want him to give me my rights but the night that was usually mine I'm willing to give it up for my co-wife for example and they make an agreement like that and this is what sometimes we might even call in English separation I staying apart from one another whereby it's not a divorce but they agree maybe just to forgo some of their rights maybe they agree to give up some of their rights and make a peace between them make a صلح between them and a صلح is something good if it saves the marriage if that's what saves the marriage and it just needs that some of the rights are given up in order to make a peace between them and in order to save the marriage then there's nothing wrong with doing that there's nothing wrong with saving the marriage like that and making the peace between them like that so what happens then if the issue goes even beyond that and even the صلح isn't working and the the إضاء the warnings the admonishment the the هجر leaving her alone abandoning her in the bed even potentially the hitting in accordance with what Islam allowed the issue of a صلح none of it worked what did Allah عز وجل give as a final sort of option before we start to talk about the issue of divorce الله عز وجل said وإن خفتم شقاق بينهما فبعثوا حكما من أهله وحكما من أهله يريد إصلاح يوفق الله بينهما إن الله كان عليما خبيرة الله عز وجل said and if you fear شقاق and the meaning of شقاق is that one of them is on one side and one of them is on the other completely they have completely gone against each other one is on one side and one is completely opposing they have gone totally against each other فبعثوا حكما من أهله وحكما من أهله send a judge from his family and a judge from her family if they wish to get back together الله will make the توفق الله will bring them back together will bring them يوفق الله بينهما الله will make it possible for them to come back together indeed الله is knowing of everything and aware of everything so to understand this a little bit better let's look at what اليمام ابن كثير he said about this ayah he said قال الفقاها the scholars of fiqa they said إذا وقع الشقاق بين الزوجين if major issues happen between the husband and the wife and they become totally separated أسكانهما الحاكم إلى جنبي فقاة ينظرو في أمرهما في this case the ruler or the judge gives them to somebody responsible who's going to look at the issue that's happening between them this could be like someone in the position of a counselor or someone who's going to look at that matter and try to someone reliable who's going to try to solve what's happening between them someone's going to get involved and try to solve the problems that are existing between them ويمنع ظالم منهما من الظلم and stops the one who is oppressing the other from their oppression whether it's the husband oppressing the wife or the wife oppressing the husband فإن تفاق ما أمرهما وطالت خصومتهما بعث الحاكم ثقة من أهل المرأة وثقة من قوم الرجل وإذا تتفقد على أحد المراقب even beyond that even the one marriage counselor they can't they can't make the peace they can't separate the oppression and the oppressed one and they can't make that peace between them and the argumentation keeps on going it becomes prolonged then what he does is the judge chooses one person from the family of the woman and one person from the man's people one from the woman's side and one from إن يجب ان ينظر في أمرهما و يأتي من آت That's what he's doing من التفريقي أو التوفيق And then they decide what is best for that husband and wife و ماذا سوف تنقذ فيهم should they break apart or should they come back together و ثم يقول و تشوفوا الشارع إلى التوفيق والله سبحانه وتعالى يتجهرون والله سبحانه وتعالى يتجهرونهم لجد تجهرونها مجاناً فهذا هو حقيقة جميلة من إمام مبنو كثير رحم الله تعالى فهذا فقط يخبرون how هذا العمل سيعمل فهذا يبدأ مع فقط one person like a marriage counselor who just looks at the issue and tries to solve it but he can't solve it so he goes back to the judge and the judge is okay bring me one from the man's family one from the woman's family why the man's family why the woman's family because they're more likely that those two are going to know the situation and understand the problem and try and make peace between them they come together they talk to each other and they try to find a way to solve the problem either they decide that the couple are going to separate or they decide that the couple are going to come together and Allah عز و جل encourage them to find a way to make that couple to get back together again that's what الله عز و جل made easy for me to mention in this episode and Allah عز و جل knows best والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعي