 So today is finally the day where I explain myself. Cheers. Hey there chameleons, it's Camille and today I'm finally doing my video about why I dropped out of school. And the reason why I didn't make this video sooner, why it took me roughly, I've been here for three months now, it's just because I have a little bit of a problem being a perfectionist where I either, like I wanna do something perfectly so I'll just stress about it in the details and if I don't think I can do it perfectly, then I just won't do it. So it's kinda like my all in unmentality, go hard, go home. I just didn't think that I had all of my thoughts together to start filming this earlier and I just really wanted to make sure that when I made this video I made it properly and that I addressed all of the reasons and that it kind of made sense. So now I've had time to gather all of my thoughts which I am a very fickle person so things change all the time but I'm gonna talk about why I actually dropped out in the first place and what I think about it so far and eventually I will take questions from you guys, I'll take questions in this video and I'll do like a Q&A later. So then if you still have questions after this video you can comment them down below and I will answer them. So I'm just gonna tell you about college for a second. When I first applied to go to school I wanted to be a fashion designer. So I applied to a bunch of different fashion design schools. I went to a bunch of different tours, I looked at Parsons and FIT, I went to Delaware, Philadelphia, just all of these different fashion design schools cause I really wanted to be a fashion designer and like that was what you were supposed to do. You're supposed to have like a dream school and then you're supposed to visit in real life and fall in love with the campus and apply and get in and be excited and then go like live out your dreams and everything. So I thought I wanted to be a fashion designer and I've always had a thing for fashion. I clearly, I still do but I just, I don't think fashion design was really the thing for me. But back when I was young I did and I even took a course over the summer between junior and senior year at Marist College. So I did a fashion design class there for college credit and I just, I was so into it and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna get into all these schools and blah, blah, blah. But then once application time came, like I applied to a bunch of them and then I got letters accepting me and everything should have been right but I just, I don't know, I just couldn't do it anymore. I didn't want to be a fashion designer. I thought about it a lot and I was like, I don't think sketching this stuff is really like what I want to do, like I don't really, I wasn't just, I wasn't 100% sure, which I've never been 100% sure on anything in my life but this was just, it was an annoying decision for me to make last minute, especially since I had already been to all of these colleges. I'd applied everywhere. You have to pay for applications. You have to do some portfolios. You have to do essays and just all of this stuff. And then last minute I was like, wow, I don't want this anymore. So I had like a little mini life crisis and I decided I just wanted to reapply to all different schools and I wanted to be a film major. So this was already getting too late. Some schools had already closed their applications because this is after I already got acceptance letters and I'm thinking about where else should I apply? A lot of schools are already closed. So then I just got like really anxious about it and one day I was just like, I told my parents and I was like, hey, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to do film, but I don't know if any schools are still accepting applications. I was really stressful. So there was a day that I just stayed home from school from high school and my dad stayed home from work and we just went through all of the colleges that were still accepting applications, that did film stuff and I applied to all new colleges to do film. I wanted to do it because of YouTube because this has always been like, you know, fun thing for me, I really like it and I get really into YouTube stuff. So like different technology stuff that comes out. If I get a new lens, oh my goodness, they're my babies. Like new lighting, just like every technical aspect about filming a YouTube video just excites me so much. And I just, I thought I could go to school for it and learn everything that I wouldn't be able to learn on my own and then just apply it to my YouTube channel and I don't know why I just thought YouTube would be a full-time thing. I guess YouTube was kind of my goal because I never really thought, hey, what am I even going to school for as a film major? Like I don't want to be a producer and I definitely don't want to be an editor. I hate editing. So like I don't really know what I was thinking. I just, I wanted to do something artistic and expressive and not fashion design anymore. I wanted something that would help my YouTube channel. I don't want this video to be too long so I'm just gonna skip all the rest of the college stuff. I ended up at University of Rhode Island. So it's obviously, it's in Rhode Island. And I've been to Rhode Island at that point once in my life and it was like eight years beforehand. I didn't remember anything at all about that trip. I just know that I had been there some point in my life. So I didn't really know what to expect and at that point I was just so over it. So I was just like, whatever, I don't even care. I'll just accept it, I'll go there. Like I didn't even have time to or even ask my parents to take me there so I could see the campus before accepting it. I was just so over it. So I was just like, whatever, it's a school, I'll go. So I ended up going there and being a film major and on my first day of film class, the professor walks in and he's like, hey, how many of you guys are film majors? So raised my hand and he was like, well, y'all are making a bad decision. In my opinion, I would recommend switching your major now, double majoring, at least add on business minor or something because film is not a good major and it's hard to get jobs. It's not very marketable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, first day of film school, I was shocked. I was just like, oh my goodness, did I just make another bad decision? And I kind of knew that stuff before. Like film is, it's one of those fickle majors. It's not something that you do and you get an internship and then when you graduate, you have a job lined up like you would if you were trying to do like medicine or like business or like finance. I don't know, like any of those things you can get an internship in your specific field, out of company, hopefully they like you. You take that job, out of college, you do it. Film is more of an art thing and art things are very different than more structured things. So this is like great, I want to change this. Also, I realized in film school that a lot of things that they teach you, you can easily learn on your own. Actually, that's kind of true about a lot of stuff in college. But pretty much after that semester, I decided, hey, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to be a business major. I'm telling you guys, I really can never just pick one thing and be happy with it. I always am changing my mind and wanting different things and it's very difficult. Even if I think I want something at the time, it's only a matter of time before circumstance or just fickleness itself, makes me change my mind. But changing to business was a really good idea though because I want to be an entrepreneur. I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur ever since I discovered what that word meant when I was in fourth grade and they had these people come in and they had a little anecdote about these little eraser cars and how whoever invented them was an entrepreneur and I was like, wow, that's such a great word. I want to do that. But keep in mind that all three of these majors are related to what I want to do slash what I am doing because in the end, I want to be a professional YouTuber. So don't get me wrong, Rhode Island is a nice place. It's just, why does everyone there wear boat shoes? Like the way people dress there is just, it's so lame and I know that's the stupid reason for dropping out but when you're on a campus that has like nothing around it and if you really want to get out you have to go to Providence, you have to take like a 30 minute bus or something. So you're pretty much just confined to campus life all the time and everyone there is just, they all dress the same and it's just like, I don't, like it's uninspiring. Like obviously the way people dress is up to them and everyone should dress the way that they want to but I was just, I felt so uninspired there. So then I realized that I started getting boring because of that. Like you don't see anything interesting and then you just turn into like your surroundings kind of. I just started turning into, I never wore boat shoes but I started just not really caring that much and then I would look at myself and be like, why am I doing this? Like you like fashion, you like makeup, you like doing different things and trying things out. Why are you not doing anything? Why are you not experimenting? Why have you lost all of your creativity? Then I would get invited to New York City. I went to my first generation beauty here and it was amazing, everyone here, they just had different styles, everyone was dressed really well, everyone did their makeup, I met some fantastic people and then I went back to Rhode Island and it was just, you know, it was good. Like calm, nothing to complain about really but it wasn't inspiring and amazing like it was when I came here. And then I went to another event here. It was Tarte was hosting Thirsty Thursday where they were launching their water foundations. So I went to Jenny who I met at Generation Beauty. I actually had to skip all of my classes that day so I could get to New York, which skipping classes, I hate skipping classes because I don't like missing things, I don't like not knowing what is going on in the class like what to do when. So it was annoying but it was definitely worth it and I met Leah at this event. So that just game changer right there and just talking to her and like becoming friends with her after just meeting her there was definitely a big part of my decision cause I was like, wow, there are awesome YouTubers out here who do the same thing that I do. Like there are no beauty YouTubers or fashion YouTubers in Rhode Island, like none of them. There are hardly even YouTubers. They're like, aren't actually. So I was like, wow, like-minded people who understand and work towards the same thing and we inspire each other and I love that. I love the energy and I was like, wow, if I moved to New York, I could hang out with Leah. I could meet all these other people. I could go to these events without having to miss classes. I could stay inspired. All you have to do is walk down the street here and you're just like, wow. So I had a big idea but then I was like, okay, no. That's crazy. What? So I went back to Rhode Island and just continued doing my classes and all of that and then I just couldn't get the idea out of my head after I had thought about it. Like I knew it was crazy obviously but everything's in New York and it was so interesting to me. One of the reasons why I didn't want to really fully consider moving here though was because I had made a home in Rhode Island. I met my absolute best friend in the world there. Shout out to you, Dairy Slash. You guys might know her as Milky from our live streams. So Dairy and I dorm together freshman year and sophomore year and we had plans to live together. Junior year too, we were gonna get a little house and get a couple of other friends, rent it for the semester and then just live it up. And I didn't wanna leave that plan because she's such a great person and it would be so fun and all of my other Rhode Island friends that I had become so close to. Like when you live on campus, it's like kind of like a family. Like you see your friends all the time. You eat dinner with them, eat breakfast with them. Like you're just always around them and there are some wonderful people that I met there. And now I'm getting all nostalgic. But I really did enjoy the friends that I made but that's not a good reason to go to school or stay at a school or anything just because you're comfortable there and you like your friends. So I definitely had to think about that and as the front bottoms would say, if I don't leave now then I will never get away. So I had to really deeply consider that lyric and I was like, you know what? It's true. If I wanna do this, I gotta do this. So there was one night I emailed my dad. It was like three in the morning. I couldn't stop thinking about this. And I was like, hey dad, I wanna leave school and move to New York and here are 20 reasons why I just typed out a whole bunch of stuff that was logical and made a bunch of sense because my dad's a very logical person. I am too, you really have to have good reasons to do something crazy like that. And I also emailed him because I didn't want to say it on the phone and then him just being like, what's wrong with you girl? So that way he can't yell at me through email. I mean, I guess he could have all caps, but he didn't. So he actually replied and he was like, wow, these are good reasons. Your mom's in Jamaica, but I'll tell her when she gets back. We'll talk about it. And I was like, okay, that's good. They'll talk about it. And for some reason, my really conservative parents, let me do this. I was shocked. I still am shocked. Everyone else was shocked. But you know parents, you kind of have to let go at some point anyways because you know your kids are growing up. They have to start making their own decisions. If this turns out to be a good one, then great, I made a good decision. If it turned out to be a bad one, it was my decision. Like I'm gonna learn from it. So my parents were like, all right, you can leave school. And I was like, that's, I still don't understand why, but okay. So I had between like a month and a half to two months left of school when I decided to do this and everyone had to start kind of like figuring out their next year living situation and all of that around that time. So I'm glad I did that before like putting down a housing deposit or something like that. So I was pretty much like, all right, I'm wrapping up this Rhode Island living. So just gonna finish out my classes strong, get really good grades, lock them in just in case I decide to come back. So then I'll have all these credits that are still useful, you know? Cause I didn't know if this would be a terrible plan or not. So just in case, you know, I also looked into finishing my degree online which wasn't really possible at URI. So I kind of just let that go. And then I made my college bucket list cause I was like, great. I thought I would have a lot more time left to do all of the things that I've ever wanted to do but I don't. So I got to squeeze everything in right now on the weekends. So I just made out my list of things that I wanted to do before I left college, showed it to Milky and we just knocked those things off. And I feel pretty good about my college experience. I did a bunch of stuff that I wanted. I didn't guess everything but it was pretty good regardless. So then when school was over, I brought all my stuff home and then just right away, just went to New York. I stayed on couches for a while while I was looking for apartments. Eventually when I found one, I signed the stuff. I went home and gave myself exactly one day to pack everything in a moving truck. And I just moved back in one day. Like it was, I wanted to come here so badly guys. It was very rash and last minute and spontaneous and I wouldn't recommend just doing life decisions like this except I also would recommend doing them because if you're young and you want something, just go for it. Like you still have all of these other years to really figure out your life. If things don't work out, it's not that bad. It's not the end of the world. You don't have a family. You're raising, you don't have kids and you could probably just go back home if things don't work out and just figure stuff out from there. So definitely chase your dreams but just try to be as sure as possible before doing something. I don't regret coming here so far. Everyone else is in school and I'm not so that's just really weird but it gives me time to focus on my channel and I'm in the right location so I can go to all of these events that are happening around me and I am meeting new people, making new connections. The only thing is that New York is so expensive. I did not realize. Like I knew it was expensive but I just, it's so expensive. So you know for now, like just kind of riding the struggle west for a while, establishing everything but you know that's kind of what you have to do. You gotta pay your dues when you're starting out with anything. It's gonna be hard but all you can do is just keep grinding and working towards it and then eventually things will get better. So that's what I'm doing right now. If you guys haven't noticed I'm posting so much more frequently on my channel. I don't wait two months between videos and I've been daily vlogging a lot. So if you guys don't already know that I have a vlog channel. It's linked in the description box down below. If you wanna follow that you can see where I'm going and all the cool stuff I find in New York and it's just a fun channel but yeah so that's why I'm here. I'm working on my channel, trying to meet people, trying to make connections with brands and just going hard to see if I can make this a sustainable job because it is my dream job so I wanna be able to give it 100%. So I hope you guys understand and I hope if you have any goals or dreams that you found this inspirational. I love hearing inspirational stories like this and I listen to them all the time on podcasts to just keep my fire burning and if this doesn't work out I might just turn this dropping out into a gap year which I really wanted to take a gap year before going to college but my parents didn't let me so I never got to experience the whole year off, discover yourself, find your passions, try something, do a project just for a whole year which this could be my gap year. So it could be just like a rearranged gap year, you know? And even if this does work out it still could be just a gap year because I have so many credits. I have like 96 credits right now and you need 120 to graduate and I did work really hard in high school and in college to get those really good grades and all those college credits and I did pay a bunch of money that I kind of don't want to just lose for nothing I guess. So eventually I might go back to school and I do like the idea of having a degree especially as like a backup plan or just being in school in general like I kinda miss it. Like there are a lot of fun things about college and meeting people and being a part of like a real community but I am taking this year to try and achieve my goals. If you guys wanna help out with that I actually just set up a Patreon page and if you guys don't know what a Patreon is it's pretty much fan funding. There is a whole video explaining what it is and why it exists and all of that that the founder created and I think he does a really great job of explaining it so I'm just gonna link his video down below so you guys can watch that so you can get a way better understanding of it better than what I could explain but pretty much the simplest way I can put it it's like supporting your favorite artist kind of. So it's like a musician when they come out with music that you really like you could just listen to it online for free or guess illegally download it but that way you're not supporting your artist and they're not gonna be able to make a living off of that if everyone does that. So if you want to support your artist then you buy their music on iTunes or you go to their concerts or buy their vinyls. Hey Brian. But pretty much Patreon does that for YouTubers because YouTubers work really hard to make the best content that they can and it is expensive making these videos you have to get all the lights and the cameras and the lenses and all of the things and then spending your time filming forever and then editing which is a nightmare it takes hours and hours of your life and then if someone wants to do it full time they have to make enough money to live off of it So pretty much if you want to make all of that possible then it's a way to just help your favorite YouTubers be able to be YouTubers full time. I hope that makes sense but so watch the video because he explains it so much better. But also on Patreon there are perks that you get so if you make a pledge to do like $1 a month or like whatever amount it is there are different pledge classes so you can get different rewards depending on what you want to do so for mine I did a bunch of different rewards for the different levels and you can check it out I have it linked down below you can go there and check it out and read it for yourself because the different levels just all have different things on it so if you want to support my channel that's one way that you can obviously you don't have to do that don't feel obligated in any way especially because I know a lot of you guys are younger but one really good way to support my channel is to subscribe and watch my videos. I put a lot of effort into them so whenever you guys watch and comment you leave me nice things it just it makes me feel good about the amount of time that I spent on it and it just makes me love you guys and I feel we have a really good thing going. But yeah so if you guys have any more comments about the whole dropping out thing then leave them in the comment section and I will be doing Q and A video answering your burning questions it'll probably come out next month because I want to do some Halloween stuff you guys keep asking for Halloween stuff and I got this really cool palette that I want to try out so Halloween first and then I'll be answering your comments but that's it for today's video sorry for making you guys wait but I hope you guys enjoyed it. I have my Patreon linked down below as well as the video explaining more of it and my social media if you want to follow me on that but yeah thanks so much for watching and I will see you chameleons in the next video. Kisses.