 Check this out guys, 21 convention, 2012, Melbourne. Australia? Hey, this next speaker, it's awesome. And probably one of the guys that I'm most excited to see, I know him really well, so it's kind of like an unfair introduction because I'm biased, but literally one of the richest men of stuff that you're gonna get from at this convention and just guys that you're gonna meet in life. I'll let him tell a story. It's James Marshall, natural lifestyles, awesome guy, good friend, good to have you here man. Thanks Steve. Check out. Thank you gentlemen, thank you Steve, thank you Anthony. So, this is my keynote address in my hometown so I better make it really good. I've been thinking a lot about this talk for many months now. And I decided this time to try and bite off a pretty meaty topic and to do something fairly ambitious and hopefully I shall succeed. And if not, I shall fail with grace. A year and a half ago or so, I first spoke at the 21 convention in London. And this was actually a really rough time in my life. The good thing about being a low energy seducer who doesn't smile ever is that if I'm in a really bad mood or my life is collapsing, no one can tell. Now I can still stand up there and they're like, that guy's stoic, he's got it all sorted always. And I'm like inside of like, I'm fine. At that time, life was not going that great for me. I'd actually just broken up with the woman of my dreams, my wife, long-term partner. Business was a bit rocky. I'd gone over to London kind of as a gamble because it was quite expensive. It was a big investment to go over there and speak at the convention. And in terms of financial returns immediately, it wasn't that great. So there was a lot of rough stuff going on in my life. And before I got up to give that presentation, I'd been trying to practice that presentation for quite a long time. And every time I stood up in the mirror to go, I just didn't feel it. I was just like, I don't really know what I'm gonna say. And right up to that last minute when I got up on the stage in London, I really didn't know what I was gonna say. I had some vague plans and ideas. I had no idea. And so I got up and I just had to trust in the process. I just had to have faith that I've been doing this a long time and I've been through a lot of ups and downs in terms of the whole gamut of seduction and lifestyle and trying to choose my own destiny and all the wacky adventures I've been on. And there's been many times when I had to step up and do something I didn't really know what I was gonna do. So I just went up and started to talk. And I don't even really remember what I said. And I came off an hour and a half later or whatever and just went back and went, okay, done my speech, did that, whatever. What happened over the last 18 months is that every week I get an email or a Facebook message or I get contacted by some random guy I've never met around the world who tells me that that speech changed their life. And that speech for whatever reason seemed to resonate really heavily with a lot of men around the world. And I'm talking about guys writing to me and saying, I was suicidal and I'd had my wife that left me and taken my kids and I was living with my elderly mother in a council flat and thinking of killing myself. And then a friend of mine said, check out this video. And now I'm fucking a sports model. And I feel really good. I'm like, wow, really? I should watch this video. So this video seemed to resonate with a lot of guys and I think the reason for that was that it was in a world in this field with seduction, as I was talking about yesterday, there's a whole lot of emphasis on techniques, on the technicalities, but what I was speaking about in that speech were things that were to me quite simple and fundamental, but for many guys out there were groundbreaking. And as a very brief recap, if you haven't seen that speech, I was talking about awareness, presence, intent. Those were the primary themes of that speech. And what I was talking about was projecting your intention, projecting your desires without apology. And that's one of my two rules in seduction. The right to freedom rule, make no apology, take full responsibility. So in terms of what that means is you go out and you wanna talk to a girl, make no apology for the fact that you wanna talk to her, make no apology for the fact that you might decide to break some social norms, that you wanna have sex with her, and take full responsibility for the fact that you're gonna have to own that, act upon it, and may not always happen. That there's another person involved in this, she will have her own agenda's desires and she'll respond to you and you need to work with that. And this is paramount in terms of getting what you want and progressing as a man, is being able to own your desire, being able to be okay with the fact that you want things, that you wanna engage with a woman, that you don't wanna just be her friend. And that seems to be a thing in the Western world and also in many Asian cultures where it's a really big deal to be able to just step up and go, I like you, not as a friend, I wanna have sex with you, or to be able to project that message. And so many of us, myself included, throughout our dubious dating lives, tried to friend our way into bed. Yeah, you're all of you, like, yeah, I tried to do that. Yeah, put in a lot of months too. Yeah, I did that, I was into long haul. Six month friend seduction technique that ends in awkward his attempt followed by end of friendship. Everyone tried that technique? Cool. So, what I wanna do this year is I actually wanna do, pretty much, well, not the opposite, the complementary to that. Because last year's talk was all about what do you want? Owning it and projecting it. Because that's what's gonna get you what you want and also that's fucking sexy. A man who knows what he wants and when you ask girls what they want out of a man, they will come up with that. A guy who knows what he wants. Yeah, it's an attractive trait, it's necessary. Because a man that either doesn't know what he wants or is always only trying to do what somebody else wants is not respected and not desired. But what I wanna look at today is the other side of that. I wanna look at what do women want. And I guess that's the title of this speech, what do women want? Brackets, why do we give a fuck? There's a lot of wealth. For starters, most men have no idea what women want. And so, if you ask them, they might say something like, shoes, money, dresses, romance, flowers, any other ideas guys? Nice guys, quilting, TV shows with, there's like girls and guys who are friends together. I don't know, what do women want? Most guys don't know. And there's also a lot of men who don't care. And I see this with clients, not so much. I tend to not get guys come to me who, let's say misogynistic or who don't have any interest, really interesting women, but they do crop up occasionally because most of the time, those guys are going to go to a different method, a method that promises you'll be able to fuck 10s tonight without having to leave your bedroom and 100% strike rate and how to manipulate a woman with these three tests, questions that psychologists in Area 51 develop to whatever. So those guys are going to be like, yeah, I'm gonna learn that thing and I'll get revenge. It's, it's sick, but it's true, right? And I mean, I can have empathy for those guys because a lot of those guys have just had a really shit run with women to the point where they have a lot of resentment built up. And a lot of nice guys actually really don't like women because they've been so fucking nice for so long and they didn't get what they wanted by being nice and they develop a whole lot of resentment towards women. Yeah. As anyone, you don't have to raise your hands for this, but I'm sure many of you guys have been in a situation where you have put a lot of effort in with a woman, is being the wrong type of effort, but you've put a lot of effort in by being nice and accommodating and helpful and listening and all of these things, thinking that you're kind of building up sex credits. And then, yeah, you know, you put in months into this and then you come to like tentatively collect, so I just wonder if I could have that sex now. And she's horrified or repulsed by her friend trying to hit on it. And then she goes and fuck some bad boy in the alley the next night. And he didn't put in any of those credits. Yeah, that's not fair. And so you do that enough, you're gonna start to feel resentful towards women because you think that women are evil because they just choose to have sex with those bad boys and don't like nice guys. The problem has been in your strategies because you did not know what women wanted. Yeah. If we look at this brackets, why do we care? Why should we care what women want? For starters, even from the most purely self-interested position, if you want to get together with sexy women, you need to know why they would want to get together with you. I'm not a fantastic marketer. If you're a dating coach, you have to be a marketer. You have to learn how to market yourself. You have a product to sell, you have a service to sell. And I'm definitely not an authority on marketing. And I did things the wrong way. And I think most of the coaches here did things the wrong way in terms of making a successful business. What they did, very silly. First they learned how to get good with women. Then they learned how to teach guys how to get good with women. And then they started to learn how to sell that, which is completely wrong. If you want to make money out of this for any of you guys out there, if you want to start a dating company, tonight you can. Forget those first two. Learn how to sell the product. And then don't worry about the rest. Yeah, that's the formula for success in this business. So unfortunately I did it the wrong way. As I know James did. I'm sure Damon was in the same boat. Learn how to be good with women. Learn how to coach. And then start to learn how to sell this shit. Now the mistake I made first off was that I tried to show how cool and great my product was. And that was me to start with. I went, look I'm really good at this. I've been through this transformation. I've been with a lot of attractive women and I know all this stuff. Yeah, and then I expected that guys would go, all right cool, well I want that. It doesn't really work like that. If you want to be a good salesman, you do not talk about the bells and whistles and the features of the product so much as the benefits that the customer gets out of this. All right, so you may want to list the features because that will help that person backwards rationalize an emotional decision to purchase. But the fact is that someone buys because they feel that this will be of benefit to them. This is really important to note. Why do women have sex with men? Not out of charity. Or maybe very occasionally, as in Jamie's case as he mentioned yesterday, very occasionally. But it's not, that's a fairly hollow victory and doesn't happen very often. Women have sex with men because it's good for them. They do it out of purely self-interested reasons. Yeah, so if you don't know what she wants and you can't give it to her, then you can't get laid. Can you see how important that is? And most guys when they're getting into this because they're so centered on, well what's going on for me, my fears, my anxieties and then what do I want and how do I let her know that and all this stuff and then over here we've got this sort of blurry object of a woman where we're trying to engage and get her. And so many times we forget, well she's over here with a whole set of desires and also her own fears and insecurities that is equally important to this mix. And a great seducer is a man who has a far better understanding than the average man as to what it is that a woman wants out of a man. And then he's able to deliver it to it. And then seduction becomes fucking simple. Yeah, because the mystery is the, because if we've been told I came, women want a man who's a leader and we try and lead and they're like, well that's what women want, right? And then it doesn't seem to have an effect, then we're lost in the dark because we don't understand what it is about leadership that is attractive to a woman. What she gets out of being with a leader is far more important to know than the idea of tugging at her because he's in that leadership. Yeah, I was, some years ago, I was in bed with the first incredibly attractive woman I'd ever been with, the first woman that was a proper professional model. And keeping my one thing, guys, when you're talking to girls in clubs and they say I'm a model, most girls are not models who say this. Most girls have done some modeling. There's a difference between a girl who did some modeling and a girl who has flown around the world and paid to be beautiful, yeah? So ask them that. It's a good question because it'll mess them up a little bit. She's like, yeah, I'm a model. So where, you've done some modeling, have you? Yeah, so, and which agency do you work for? And they're like, I did some modeling once. You're like, okay, that's nice, that's nice. But this was the first girl I'd been with who was a proper flown around the world serious, you know, like make your knees shake kind of model. And at that time, as Jamie will attest, I was living in a shitty terrace house in Northcote and I made my income by doing massage at the time. So I used to do one or two or three massages a week which paid the bills. And I played in a highly unmarketable daggy funk band and I wasn't very well dressed. And I was just like, in terms of like value, I didn't really have much, yeah? I just did that and then I went out and learned about women and did kung fu and various other things. And I managed to get this spectacularly beautiful Russian model into my bedroom and with me. And I remember we were lying in bed one day and her phone rings and she answered it because she was a little bit rude which I think is a bit rude, really, isn't it? To answer the phone in bed with your lover. Anyway, she did. And on the other end of the phone was this guy and he's like, hi, Irina, how are you? So, yes. And she's like, yes, what do you want? So this is, this is Thomas and she told me about this guy. This guy was the man who owned her modeling agency. He was an ex-model himself. He was at that time about 35 and still very fucking attractive. He was a millionaire. He had a big, shiny car. This guy, in terms of value, was kicking my ass because women want a man who's like high value, right? They want a man who's got heaps of status, right? Why? Because they want a man who's got high status. Well, let's think about why. And so this guy called her up and he's like, oh, so Irina, yeah. So I booked us the table at that best restaurant in fucking Melbourne, whichever Michelin star one. So yeah, so I'd like to meet you tonight. And she said, I told you, I'd like a restaurant. And she told me at one stage, I'd suggest that we go out to the end. She said, I don't like a restaurant. I like to cook at home. So after that, I called her up and this is how we eventually slept together the first time. I called her up and I said, do you like lasagna, Irina? She said, yes. I said, I'm going to bring the ingredients over and we'll cook it. Okay, bring. That's what I love about Russians. It's just straight to the point. And so I did bring quickly, yeah? And we cooked and then we had sex and I was a bit scared, but it worked. So she told this guy as well, I don't like restaurant for whatever reason. And he hadn't heard that. He knew expensive restaurant is what gets girls into bed. And so he's trying to, and she's laid on like, he said, no, look, and he said, listen, Irina. And I could hear him on the phone. I'm just lying there. This is great. Listen, Irina, I'm a very successful man and I can give you anything that you want. So I think you just need to give me a chance. And she says, call me when you have enough money to buy a country, goodbye. And hangs up on it. Yeah? So everyone's like, okay, I'm gonna have to start saving. Because he was very wrong. He said, I can give you anything you want. And yet, which I mean, materially, he could and status and parties and whatever else and cocaine and all these things that girls like, right shoes and handbags and Gucci things and that. But yet she was in bed with the broke hippie musician because actually I could give her something that he definitely couldn't and no other man ever had. This is actually a very lonely woman. And I mentioned this yesterday in terms of if you are a professional model, often your life is really fucking lonely. I remember talking to this model in New York. Fuck, that was this year. It's been a weird year. And I was just talking to her because I always talked to very beautiful women about their experience because I want to understand what it's like. And Jamie talked about this yesterday. It's a very bizarre existence where because of your genetics suddenly you're given all this stuff but at the same time there's a heavy price for that. Women don't want to be friends with you. You are a threat to their relationships. And this girl said to me in New York, she said, you know, a lot of the girls here actually become lesbians or just end up getting together with girls. She's talking about the models who lived in these model houses where they all stay whilst they're coming into New York to do shoots. And I said, what? I said, well, that sounds nice but I'm like, why is that? She says, they can't find men and they start to think that guys don't like them. And I'm like, the most coveted attractive women in the world aren't finding men, are you bullshitting me? She's like, no. And she said, look, because you'll be in this scene with this guy like in a photo shoot having this raw sexual attraction, and she said 90% of the guys in those shoots are gay. And then the moment that the camera turns off the girl's got all these feelings and he's like, whatever, honey. And off she goes. And most of the guys in the makeup and whatever else, the guys that she has day-to-day dealings with are often gay. And it's a really isolating world. And so the hottest women in the world were turning to having lesbian relationships because they couldn't find men. Fucked up. And every other guy is a walk in the street going, oh, I can never get a girl like that. Yeah, I guess she's got 50 guys after her. Yeah, because they didn't go up and find out what that experience is like for a woman. I was talking to a girl last night. I went out, I shouldn't have gone out, did go out. And she was not my type, okay? So I'm into Slavic, like deathly white chicks with long, dark hair. But this was a good, honest, good-looking Australian girl. Okay, she was 30, she was blonde, she was, you know, had a nice body, she was pretty. The kind of girl that most guys in Australia would go, yeah, like she's a sexy girl and I would definitely go to bed with her. And I was just having a chat with her and I could tell she was interested and I wasn't interested, but I was trying to be nice and chat to her. And I was just asking her about her love life. And she said, and I said, oh, she was recently single. And I said, okay, so we'll, you know, you got guys, you got some dates coming up or whatever. She's, you know, giving her like, come on, can we have a date? I'm like, you know, I'm just, you know, might be gay just having interested in your love life. And she said, you know, in my life, if I've ever wanted a man, I've had to go up and talk to him. And I said, well, what do you mean? I mean, guys come talk to you. And she's like, I've never had a man come and talk to me. This girl was 30 and she was pretty, like she was a hot chick. And she had never had a man come up and approach her in her life. Yeah? And so this poor girl had to, anytime she wanted to have an interaction with a man, she had to be the one to go, fuck, all right, well, I'm gonna have to do it. Hi there, how are you? Come on you fucking idiots, will someone please have sex with me? That's tragic. And that's all your fault. Yeah? And there's this ridiculous divide where men and women are not getting together because each one of them thinks the other one doesn't like them or has so much of the other that they don't need them or whatever else. And the moment you start to go and talk to women and actually find out what's going on for them, you'll discover that all these myths and all these fears that you've been carrying around as precious and real start to dissolve. And you'll start to discover that what women want is not necessarily handbags and cocaine and high heels and VIP tables and all that shit. They want something else. They want a depth of connection. They want to be listened to. They want to feel special. Things that I'll talk about in more depth right now. Now, in the absence of a deep connection and a great sexual chemistry and all these other things, women will take the handbag. Yeah? Sure. I mean, if you own a nightclub, you can get chicks. If you splash money around, some women will take that opportunity. But then they'll be taken off you by a guy like me who doesn't have any of that but offers something that's far more important. Remember I talked to you guys about yesterday about a sense of entitlement and in terms of having worthiness with women, you may think that you need X amount of dollars and all that kind of stuff. But really, once you learn to have presence and connect with somebody and make them feel alive and special, you have a currency that's far more valuable than any of that other material bullshit. It just wipes it out of the water. Now, what I wanna move on is to look at some of the specifics of what women want. This is a big topic and right now I just wanna put a little caveat on this. I do not presume to know what all women across all cultures, across all times, across all parts of their menstrual cycle and all of this want. Yeah? I definitely don't know that. And the reason why I'm still in this industry because I only stay in something if it continues to challenge me, if I had worked out exactly what women wanted and as some systems would say that they are, basically these robotic automatons that if you press X, Y, Z buttons, they will always do this. Yeah? If that was the case, then I would have quit this business a long time ago. The reason I'm still in it is because women continue to amaze, surprise and baffle me. Yeah? The more that I learn and the higher level I guess that I get to play at in terms of girls who have more and more social ability, the more I keep getting my head smacked around and realize that I still don't understand them. Yeah? And that's why it's interesting. That's why I keep learning. And that's why I will keep doing this for some time yet. So, what I'm talking about here is based on my research, which is extensive and the research of the guys that I hang out with. So, you know, within my social crew, we have slept with over a thousand women and there's one guy who would double the entire amount of all of us together. Yeah? And I'll mention him later. And we have interviewed and talked to thousands of women because we are constantly doing that. And we don't just go and approach and say the same lines. We talked in the find out like I did last night. I had no intention of sleeping with this girl and her friend later on was going, so James, I think you should escort Erica down to the dance floor. And I'm like, I think she's okay. And she's like, James, you should take Erica like a gentleman downstairs. And then her husband comes over and goes, James, so how do you feel about Erica? I'm like, guys, guys, guys, I'm not a gigolo. And she's like, look James, you can just be it. You said you're a dating coach and that you're a gentleman. Perhaps you should just go for a little walk with her. And I'm like, come on, look. And I'm like, why? And I said, is that because she just broke up and she's vulnerable and she needs to get laid? And she's like, James? I'll be back and I ran away. But having those discussions constantly, I had no intention of seducing this girl, but I learned something very interesting last night. And I'm constantly doing that with my interactions. So just because you meet a girl and you may not necessarily think she's that hot or she's totally your type or whatever, you'll learn something about her. That girl just said, almost with tears in her eyes, I just wish a guy would come over and say hello to me. And she said, and not like, hey, how you going? That was what she was saying was how she wanted to be approached. She didn't want a sleazy man, but she wanted a guy to just come over and say, hi, how are you? There's your opener, guys. Yeah, because that's a man showing interest in a woman. And that's what she wants in that first initial moment. So simple. So what I'm gonna talk to you about is the overall themes, things that I have found out. Does not apply to all women all the time. Because everything that I say to you now, there will be entire large percentage groups of women who like the opposite. There is some really interesting, wild, wacky and wonderful sexual dynamics that exist out on this planet. In terms of men, sorry, women who are very dominant with men who are very submissive and that can work. Yeah, of course, all sorts of same-sex relationships and polyamorous dynamics and all sorts of things. And I certainly don't stand in any kind of judgment about any of that. It's all legitimate as long as people are enjoying themselves and are happy together. But what we're looking at here is what do women in general want with men? Because, remember, why is that important? Because if you know what they want, then you can get what you want. Yeah, if we wanna look at it from that perspective, you wanna get hot, sexy girls into your life, you need to know what the experience of being seduced by you would be like and why that would be pleasurable or not. That's a question I'd say to my students. Would you wanna fuck you if you're a woman? It's a weird question. Weird thing to think about, isn't it? First, you have to imagine yourself as a woman, then you have to imagine yourself as a man fucking you as a woman. And that's a really weird thought. Everyone just think about it while I drink some water. Can't help it, can you? But that's an interesting thing to think about. Has anyone ever kissed a girl? Hang on, hang on, hang on. That had just a little bit of a spiky moustache. Just a little bit. Yeah, I have, yeah. Guy, I haven't kissed you on film, I think, Steve. This guy, he's like kiss closes every PUA on film. It's like, the interesting thing about that, I have this experience, you know, pretty girl, sexy girl, whatever, and then you kiss her, just a little prickly moustache. Is it feels really yucky? It's a repulsive thing, yeah? Doesn't feel nice at all. And I thought about this after I had this experience and I went, hang on a minute. Every time a woman kisses me, she has that experience, way worse, look at this, yeah? Every time she kisses me, she has this abrasive feeling of prickly hairs rubbing on her sensitive, soft skin. And yet, she seems to like it. And when you think about that, suddenly you realize how different we are in terms of what we want sexually, yeah? That action of having a rough hairy man smearing his face across you seems to be arousing for a woman. That's a very different experience. And when you start to, I know it's kind of a strange example, but when you start to try and put yourself inside the woman's experience, because we can never really exactly understand what it's like to be a woman, but we can certainly get much more of a hint of it by starting to look at how does she respond, what she's feeling, and asking lots of questions, good questions. Because again, that's when we can start to deliver what it is that she really wants. Another important thing to note is that there is not types of girls. And we hear this spoken about by men and women all the time. Girls will often be saying they are not that type of girl. And which type of girl are they referring to? Sluts, that is slappers. All right, because there's a special breed of women that are sluts, yeah? Yeah? And what's the characteristic of a slapper slut? What is it? Sleeps around, has sex, more than once with a different man. Yes, what else does she do? And is that good or bad? Well, yes, but it is. But a lot of people say it's not because all these girls are saying they're not that type of girl. All right, so why are they saying that? Buzzword, buzzword, buzzword. What is that mean? Everything's socially conditioned. She feels better about herself under what circumstance. The concept of a slut is a weapon that is utilized, actually, very often by women, on other women, to keep women in place, in a certain place. And there's a lot of speakers who've talked about this at great length. If you look at Johnny Sopornos' stuff, for example, he looks at this dynamic very deeply, yeah? The idea that a woman's value, how valuable she is, is defined by her sexual virtue, yeah? And that if she is virtuous and she chooses not to have sex with very many men, well, that will define how important and valuable she is. And if she decides to have sex with a whole lot of guys or above some arbitrary number, she will be not valuable in the eyes of society or the eyes of the culture or the eyes of men because she gives it away for free instead of trading it for relationships, yeah? Because it's okay to do that. It's okay to have a sex with a man as long as you get commitment from him or money from him or a ring from him or something like that, but the moment you have it because you want it, ooh, now you have devalued vaginas around the world, yeah? And that's often why women will exert this will, this word or will, this weapon against other women to keep them in place, to keep the status quo going. No, honey, you give sex in exchange for relationships and rings, not because you enjoy sex. Now, that's the worst thing you can call, that's the most powerfully damaging thing you can call a woman. Just as an aside, what's the worst thing you can call a man? Creep, yeah, no? What was that one? Fred. A what? Fred. Oh, a friend. Yeah, no, loser. Loser is the worst thing you can call a man. That's the most powerful insult you can ever call a man. I've been called a motherfucking cunt, asshole, dickhead, liar, prick, many times, doesn't bother me at all. There's been a couple of times in my life where someone's called me a loser and that's really crippling, and I'm like, no way, I'm not a loser. Because what that does is it talks about your value as a man in terms of your worth in society, your worth in terms of what you know and what you understand and who you are. A loser. You're not in the race anymore. Yeah? You can call a man a slut and he'll be like, thank you. You can't even call a woman a loser and she'll be like, whatever, what's that mean? Yeah? So, what's important to know and to understand is that there are not types of girls, there are not sluts who have this special, particular style of life that these wanton women, and there's a whole mythology that is created around this and women will definitely try not to identify themselves with this group and they will, because of the judgment that's placed upon it. They may, many women will have just as much if not way more sex with way more people than sluts but they're good girls because they're just really quiet about it. Yeah? And they have to be because of the judgment that is placed upon them. What there are is there are women going through different parts of their lives looking for different things out of men. The very same woman over the course of her sexual life may go through something of the following sequence. She'll lose her virginity. This generation will be about 14, 15, 16 maybe. Yeah? Which is kind of like shocking. But that's the way it is. So she'll lose her virginity in her mid to late teens and that'll probably be some random encounter. And then she'll probably go through a period of sexual experimentation where she'll go, oh, I get all this attention from men, they want me, I'm experimenting and she'll sleep with a bunch of guys. And then probably one of these guys is gonna go and brag about it to all these friends and then she's gonna start getting called a slut and it's gonna damage her reputation, her self-esteem, she's gonna feel shit about herself and then she's gonna stop having sex with guys or she's gonna make suddenly not talk about it and she's gonna hide it. Yeah? And then she's probably going to start at some point, decide that she'd like to have a boyfriend. She's gonna get a boyfriend, she may stay with him for two, three years and then she's gonna go through some horrific breakups and she's gonna come out and she's gonna be in this situation where she's focusing on her career or studies or travel or something. She's like, I just don't want to have a relationship. I don't wanna sleep with a bunch of random guys. I'm gonna start sleeping with that guy who works at the coffee shop once a week because he's chilled out, it's no big drama and she'll have some, you know, gradual long-term fling with this guy, it doesn't mean so much. Then she might go on a holiday to Ibiza and just go wild and fuck three guys in a week or five guys or whatever else and so on and so on throughout her sexual life. And this girl, because of the way that she is that societies around the world judge women who decide to have sex because they like sex will tend to keep the overall demeanor that she is a good girl, that she is not that type of girl. Yeah, and her sexual life will only really be evident or hinted at when she has a boyfriend, yeah? That's why, I mean, when you get very good with women and you get a lot of them into bed, often you will hear these words coming like, almost with, you can't help but not laugh when you hear girls say over and over again just before they have sex with you, just so you know, I'm not that kind of girl, yeah? I don't usually do this, I'm like, yep. And maybe she doesn't, but they all feel the need very, very regularly to say these words to you. Now, what I do here is something very sneaky but it ties in with her fears here. Girl says, I don't wanna, I can't have sex with you, I'm not that type of girl. Or I'm a good girl. And I say to her, I know you have a really good heart, I can see that. Now, what have I done with that in that moment? It's sneaky, but it's also actually demonstrates a lot about my understanding of women. If she said, I'm a good girl, brackets, that's why I can't have sex with you tonight. And then what have I done? I've redefined what it means to be a good girl because she's thinking that if I have sex with this guy right now, he's gonna think I'm a slut or a bad girl, I'm not valuable, yeah? And I've said to her, whether or not you decide to have sex with me is irrelevant in terms of my judgment of you as a person. I've said to her, I can see that you have a good heart. That's why I like you. If you have sex with me, that's not gonna affect that. In fact, that's going to increase my respect for you. And therefore, she feels okay about doing what she actually wants to do. If you wanna be a man who has a lot of sex in your life, then you are going to need to be able to wield a very powerful sword, which is the sword of non-judgment. You are going to have to show women that you understand they have sexual desires and they have rampant sexual desires, not just for sex with their boyfriends of multiple years. And yet, they're putting this really difficult situation where they're not actually supposed to, they're told they're not allowed to have these desires, they're not allowed to express them, except within very, very confined areas. That's the situation. And as you start to look at this, you start to realize that beautiful women don't live in this amazing privileged world that we can't ever touch. They actually live in a really complicated maze. And they have to navigate through this by always looking great, being friendly enough to keep people involved in their lives, but keep certain amount of distance with people who are just trying to use them for sex. If they wanna have sex with a stranger, they have to do it with a whole lot of covert actions, they have to lie, all of these things that we don't have to deal with. And if you start to show a woman that you understand that this world is complicated for her, particularly when she's navigating her sexual relationships, and you give her respite by going, when you're with me, none of that shit matters. You can chill out and do what you would like to do. That's an amazing relief for a woman. And then she can be that type of girl, be a dirty girl, be crazy and bad, or have a one night stand, or have a casual relationship, or dress up like a nurse, or whatever it is that she wants to do, because you don't judge her on that. You don't judge her worth as a person on that. You see her that this is what she wants to do, and you can engage with that. That's really powerful. So guys who have a very strong judgment about, that there's sluts here and there's good girls here, and so you marry a good girl and you fuck the sluts on the side, and that kind of Madonna-whore dynamic, which is pervasive in many societies around the world, those guys typically don't get a lot of great results with women, and women don't really like being around them, because it's dangerous for them, because there's that fear of judgment hanging over them constantly. Does this make sense? Cool. What do women want? There's out of men. Okay, so there's a whole bunch of truisms and buzzwords that will pop up here. So, well, let's throw them out there. What are some of the characteristics that women want from men? Sense of humor. Confidence. Value, right. He must be valuable in terms of the hierarchy of his society. A leader, she wants a leader, right. What else? She wants to escape. Yeah, okay. Security, comfort, all right, yep. She wants to feel love. Okay, you've hit on all these major ones. We've all heard these things, right? And at first, you're like, okay, cool, all right, so I need to be a leader, I need to be confident, I need to, what else, what was some of the other ones? I need to make, you know, be lovable, I need to be nice, I need to have a good sense of humor, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And so, as a man, you're like, okay, well, I want to get women like this list of things, so if I become these things or I develop these things, okay, then I get girls, right, cool. But most guys fail to think, well, hang on, what is it about being with a leader that is enjoyable for her? Why does she give a fuck about you being a leader or confident? Because just you being confident is not a thing where she's like, oh, wow, he's confident, good for him, I'll go and have sex with him because he feels confidence. No. She's interested in these traits because it's true, I mean, these traits certainly are things that can be attractive, but you've got to look at why. Why does she care that you're a leader? And that's the one, that's one of the, I want to look at three of these in the time that I have left, three that I think are really important. Okay, which is the first one being leadership. So, women want to be with a leader, with the leader of the pack, with the guy who's leader of men who's got people following him and so on. And then you ask guys, well, why does she, well, because he's alpha, why? Because evolutionary psychology. Yeah, okay, why does she care? A woman only wants to be with a man who has authority to lead. Just trying to lead people, like, I'll see this with guys who are just starting out, they're like, okay, I need to lead a girl. So they're chatting to her, and they just suddenly grab her by the wrist and start tugging at her. They're like, yeah, okay, I'm gonna lead her, right? And you see the girl going, yeah. And the guys are like, fuck, lead, did leading, did the leading thing with being a leader, didn't work. Don't get it. Because it was not enjoyable to follow this leader. That's why she didn't go with him. This is a very important point to take. You can have authority to lead two ways. The first one is through fear and violence. It's very effective, has been used throughout history to lead people. Come this way, or I'll stab you with this pike. Yeah, join this great utopia, or we'll kill your family. Yeah, and this exists. Most of you guys live within this in your workplaces. All right, no, I won't say most of you, but it's quite likely that many of you have an authority figure in your life who is your boss, whom perhaps you don't respect or like, and maybe you think they're an idiot. And yet, this person has authority over you because they can get you fired and suddenly take away your livelihood. So therefore, you have to follow them. I know for myself, everyone's had an experience where they lived under that, right? Okay, so this is one way to have authority to lead. Doesn't work so well in seduction, yeah? Trying to fear a woman into bed is not something that I would suggest, yeah? So if we can't have authority to lead using fear, then how do we have authority to lead? The only way in seduction that leadership is of any value and that you have an authority as a leader is if when the person follows you, they benefit, yeah? A good leader, a good king leads through making sure that their subjects benefit every time they ask them to do something. Yeah, that's the key to good leading with a woman. As I said, she's not in this for you. She's not doing this out of charity. She's not like, oh, there's a leader. I should have sex with him for some random reason. It's because, oh, this guy's leading me on an adventure and when I go with him, it's more fun. It's more cozy. It's more sexy. It's more exciting for me as a woman, yeah? Example, you have a guy and a girl chatting in a bar and she's been standing there for 40 minutes and he's been blabbing on about how valuable he is, yeah? Because, you know, and showing how confident he is, yeah? And, you know, wriggling his Rolex occasionally just to, you know, let her know how much of an alpha dude he is and therefore she's gonna wanna have sex with him, right? And what's happening for this girl is that she's standing in this interesting construction that was developed to torture women, a high-heeled shoe, yeah? And it makes her leg look fantastic but she's standing on a chopstick and it's really painful. After 40 minutes, the only thing she can think about is the fact that her legs are killing her. And no man thinks about this because we just don't wear those shoes enough, do we? So, no man is aware of this. They're like, hey, there's no shoes and legs and tits and that, yeah, cool, right? A good seducer, a man who has even an inkling of what it might like, what it may be like to be a woman starts to add these things up, okay? That looks painful. She's been standing there for a long time. She keeps shifting her weight side to side, oh, this girl is in pain. And says to her, those shoes must be killing you. Hey, let's go sit down. Gently takes by the hand, leads her, leading, there we go, there's the leading. Sits her down at a couch, places his hand gently on her knee and says, so where were we? Good technique, that one, isn't it? Yeah. This is a man who understands the power of leading because as this woman followed the leadership request, suddenly she felt way better. She's not in pain anymore. This man gets me because women are constantly sourcing little bits of evidence to suggest, does this man go for what he wants and knows what he wants? But at the same time, is he balancing that with what I want? Because there are plenty of men actually who are constantly trying to make sure that everything is fine for the woman. These prince, nice guy, romantic hero types who are always only worried about what it is that the woman wants. That can be something that a woman will take advantage of or will tolerate or whatever, but after a while that gets really boring because having a slave, unless you're into that scene, is not something that's sexy for a woman because she doesn't want to be with a guy who's constantly out of her beck and call. But a man who is aware of things like, is she cold, is she in pain, is she hungry? Will be far more attractive. So you see in that situation, the authority to lead was developed by her taking by him showing that I know what's gonna be better for you in this situation. I'm gonna make it happen, I'm gonna make it smooth, it's gonna be simple, it's gonna be no fuss, you're gonna like it. And then what she does, she follows through with the request, she feels better. So what do you think she's gonna do next time? He says, hey, shall we go grab a drink at the bar? He's developed a certain amount of authority to lead here. She now has trust in a certain level of his leadership abilities. In the sense that his ability to make her life better. So if he does that a couple of times and then says, let's get out of here. Before you, you gotta get to work tomorrow, yeah? Before you do, let's have a cup of tea at my house or whatever it is. Because each time she has to make a jump in this decision making process to allow this to escalate or to encourage it to escalate, the risks increase for a woman. And this is another thing that we don't think about so much because we're not women. To give your phone number to or to let a man kiss you or to go on a date with him or to get in a car with him or to go in his house, this is all potentially very dangerous stuff for women. Yeah? Mostly men are bigger and stronger. It's dangerous. So a woman is constantly looking for evidence that this man has her interest at heart. And if she sees that he's pushy and overbearing and trying to be leading and outfiring all the time but doesn't hear words like no or I'm uncomfortable or can you back off or anything like that, she's simply seeing that, okay, in that situation, this is not worth the risk. This man doesn't actually give a fuck about me at all. Whereas the man who goes, here's what I want. Can I have it? And then the girl, if the girl, you know, it's like an escalation request. A leader, a man who's leading goes, all right, I've got to escalate. So he puts his hand on a girl's knee and he runs it up her thigh and then she just takes it and moves it away. The guy who doesn't understand what a woman wants in that the sense that, okay, yes, she does want a man to escalate on her physically in general if she likes the guy. But at the same time, she may feel that she needs to set the pace for that but right now she's not feeling comfortable enough with that. She will move her hand and if the guy then respects that, steps back for a little while, continues interaction and then tries again later and sees if that dynamic has changed, which it probably will have, she's just taking note of that. Cool. Is going to escalate when needed. Is going to pull a trigger. Yes, but is willing to take it a little bit more at my level, at my pace. This man has authority to sexually lead me now. Does this make sense? The other important thing about being with a leader is well, essentially what's happening here is it's a really nice thing to be led sometimes, right? Like I run this tour several times a year where I take a bunch of guys through Eastern Europe. And there's a couple of guys who've survived that who are in this room and you look at them, they've got this special look in their eyes where I take a group of guys for 10 days through Eastern Europe and we go and we seduce women around the clock and I'm going this insane initiation into manhood, yeah? It's mental and I'm the leader of this, yeah? And I'm a tour guide as well as being a coach, as well as dealing with the logistics of taking 12 people through a dodgy Eastern European countries, yeah? And the reason I have authority to do this, the reason people are willing to pay a sizable amount of money, fly to the other side of the world, rock up often when they've never met me and go, okay, take it away, boss, is because I've developed this authority through the fact that I use features like that, this through the fact that I have reviews, through the fact that I have videos of me going up to girls and staring at them and then suddenly going, here's my number. But that is, of course, daily increased. If they'd rocked up and no one's there to meet them at the airport and on the first day I'm 20 minutes late and then I go, cool guys, so we're in Prague, as you know. So I guess we'll try and find some clubs later that are out there. I mean, I probably use some clubs. If you guys could just chat to the girls about where the clubs are, that'd be nice. Suddenly people get, start feeling like, shit, this guy doesn't really know what he's doing. And therefore their faith in me diminishes and therefore they're not gonna follow my leadership requests and we're not gonna get what we need to get done. So when I come out of that tour, what I like to do is I like to go and visit a person that I know in another country and to have a chill out. And then I go, whatever you reckon is good to do, let's do that. And I just sit the fuck back and just get in the passenger seat and be led. Because it's a nice feeling to have somebody just take control who knows what they're doing. Everyone, we all do that in our lives. And we seek that. And that's a big part of what a woman wants when she's with a man is she doesn't wanna have to make all these decisions. She wants a man who can make a decision and go, so let's meet on Tuesday and I know this great sushi place. Do you like sushi? So he checks in with her. It's not always like, there's gonna be sushi happening on 5 p.m. on Tuesday because that's what leaders do. And that's how they say it. Girls like, okay. There has to be room for the girl's opinion to be in there. Yeah, like when Irina said to this man, I don't like restaurant. He's like, I know what women want. They want expensive restaurants. They don't want it. We need to be flexible. I've had that. I've called the girl up and said, hey, I've got this great idea. I want to do this. And she's like, I actually really hate that thing. And then I've got to go on, all right, cool. Well, do you have an alternative? And led her to lead me. Because that's another thing a great leader will do. I was in Norway recently and this Norwegian girl basically picked me up and took me home, which they do over there. They're really aggressive because no man ever approaches them. So just the fact that I turned and said, hello, she's like, oh my God, I might get laid. Yeah. And we went back to her place. Pretty much the only leadership that I did then was I led from behind. I said, give me the tour, show me your room. I led her to lead me. Because that dealt with this awkward situation where we're sitting on a couch and we both want to have sex but we have to get to the bedroom. What's the excuse? And so I make it easy on her. I take the pressure off and I make a pleasurable leadership request for her to lead me to the bedroom, please. Yeah. A good leader is not arrogant, is not overbearing, is flexible with the way that he leads. And remember, it's always gonna be because the person who's following you is going to benefit. Next aspect I want to look at in terms of what is it that women want is looking at emotions. Now, we are told, we have been told that women are emotional, men are logical. Yeah. Actually, all people are emotional. We make the majority of our decisions completely and overall because of our emotional responses. It's very rare, we actually don't sit down and logically plot out the ABC benefits of something and then make a decision upon it. So in terms of buying something, choosing a flavor of something, deciding which way to go, responding to an argument or choosing to go to bed with somebody, we don't actually sit down and plot it out logically and then go, that seems like a good idea. We have an emotional response, a feeling that we wanna do something or we don't wanna do something. Pretty much that's it. And then we may logically justify it. Yeah, like, I feel like buying this shiny toy and then the man will be like, well, because it has XYZ features, so that's a good reason why, but really, I just have a feeling I need it. That's what made you buy it, yeah. And that's the thing is when a woman decides to have sex with you, it's not because of she's logically done a checklist. Because women do have a checklist, yeah. I want a guy who's funny and confident and something and something and something. And I love talking to girls about this. I say, oh, so what are you liking a man? They'll give me like the Clio checklist. And I'll say, yeah, cool. So the last three men that you slept with, would you say that these features were high on the list of who they were? And the girls like, no, no. I was like, well, any of them? Were they sort of prevalent? Not really. So why did you decide to sleep with those men? I asked that of a Ukrainian girl recently who'd slept with me and she was telling me what kind of guy she wanted after we had sex. I don't want the rich man who has this kind of car and something, something. I said, okay, that's interesting. Why are we in bed together? And she said, ask me a different question. Because the decision for a woman to have sex with a man is not really based on these logical things of what she should be with. It's because she suddenly had a feeling that she wanted to be with this guy. And of course, what we want to know is, how do we elicit that feeling? How do we make a girl feel like she wants to have sex with us? Well, by coming to have a clear understanding of the way her emotional processes work. Again, we have to know our market if we want to be able to sell to it. We need to know what the desires are. What a woman's looking for really or what's going to influence her decision making all boils down to this core principle which I've talked about previously. It's the idea of emotional pressure and emotional release. Emotional pressure and emotional resolution. Every time you feel an emotion, it's always building to a resolution. And if you look at drama in media, it's always based around that. Every story that is compelling is built around the build up of tension to a resolution. Yeah, so in a romantic comedy or whatever, guy meets girl, girl meets guy, they kind of like each other, they fumblingly get together, something, they start a romance, but then there's a misunderstanding because she thought that he was cheating on her with her sister, but really they were just practicing like how he would be doing something romantic for her and she busts in at wrong time and then there's all this drama and there's this tension built up of that they don't understand each other and are they gonna be together anymore or whatever. And then it reaches a point where the truth comes out and they realize that they love each other happily ever after and there's this resolution and a release and a relaxation. Or if we look at in terms of a horror movie, they use, in horror movies, they use pretty much just a very, very cheap but powerful and effective emotional manipulation of build up of pressure. So point of view camera going through the forest, coming and then there's a girl having a shower for some reason in the log cabin and it zooms in on her and there's this build up of tension of what's gonna happen, yeah? And then suddenly she gets stabbed and that's a resolution, everyone relaxes. Like ah, and that's the cheap thrill you get out of those movies. Ah, she's dead, yep. The reason women get so sick of and get bored of nice men and many of you guys are probably in this category and I know I was myself is because there is no pressure build up. The girl doesn't feel any wavelength of emotion happening because if you are always nice and pleasant to somebody then there's no pressure. If you agree with everything, if you nodded everything, yeah, if you always do what she wants to do, if you're always trying to second guess what she wants, if you're always trying to be nice, then you may think ah, okay, I'm trying to deliver to her what she wants so therefore she'll have sex with me. Doesn't work like that because what she wants is an emotional drama on these small and large levels. Women love drama and I'm talking about this in like necessarily in a destructive sense because that can be an expression of it. Of course, if it gets out of control and a man and a woman who are constantly in like this violent spikes and peaks and troughs of drama, it's not gonna be a healthy relationship. But the fact that there is an emotional pressure and there's two characters pushing up against each other and vying for each other's attentions with their agendas, cross-pollinating and you know pressing against each other is what makes it exciting, makes it interesting. Women will often talk about you know, they start dating a guy and they'll say that they just wasn't a spark. Yeah, you've heard, I mean you may have had a girl say that to you. Like I really like you as a friend but I just don't feel it. And you're like why? I mean logically on the ABC checklist I've got these things that you wanted, right? She's like just not feeling it. What does she mean by that? She means I'm not feeling a range of emotions. I'm not feeling challenged. I'm not feeling like you're listening to me. There's a whole lot of things in terms of her emotional needs that are not being met by that really nice guy. And on the other end, like I know a lot of girls who went through a period where they wanted, like they, once they worked out that they were sexy and they wanted to get the best men they could, they went after guys who were in bands or DJs or you know the really cool guys. Yeah, and then soon discovered that there was a certain need that needed to be met there. Okay, so they had the challenge of like can I get this guy who all the other girls want that therefore that validates me and means that I'm pretty and I'm significant. And they start getting that kind of guy but there's something missing from that relationship as well. Because this guy is just taking because he can. Because girls just give him stuff. It's the flip, yeah? And so after a while of that kind of experience, I know a lot of girls who say I don't date musicians, yeah? Why do I say that? Because they've dated musicians, yeah? Because at some point in their life they want, I want to be with guys in bands that might get famous one day. That's why girls have sex with guys who are in bands that aren't famous yet because they might get famous. No girls have sex with you once they know your bands are not gonna be famous anymore. Yeah, which is why I had to move into dating coaching. Yeah? So she sees in that situation where I came, my needs are not being met in terms of having an understanding or having this man care about me because it's all just about him. The balance is gonna be in between. You need to be able to create pressure in a situation with a girl. You need to be able to not put up with her bratty behavior because a woman wants a man who will stand up to her as well as understand her. And a lot of guys are interested in really what they would call high maintenance girls. Yeah, girls who are used to being treated in a certain way, used to guys buying them stuff because these girls are really pretty. And I had a guy once ask me, well, I want to be with these kind of Gucci girls but I don't want a high maintenance girl, so how do I deal with that? And I said, don't maintain her highly. That's it. Because the only reason the girl feels entitled to getting a whole lot of free stuff and attention or whatever else from man for nothing is because a whole bunch of idiots gave her stuff for nothing. Yeah? I was dating this Russian girl some years ago, another Russian, a different Russian. And she was a physicist and a model and from a very rich family. Yeah? This chick was way smarter than me, way better connected, way richer. Like this was a very high value girl. And I remember we'd been dating for some time and we hadn't had sex yet. But we'd been kissing and hanging out and things were, we were building to something. And we agreed to meet at a bar. And I came in, I saw her, I walked up and I said, hey, Nadia, put my arm around, I pulled her into kiss her and she went like this. All right? Turned her head away. This was not the first time we'd kissed. In that moment, she did that, almost probably unconsciously, just as a way of going, I'm this, I'm Nadia and I can do whatever I want. Right now I just feel like being a bitch. Yeah? And I just stepped back and I said, Nadia, if you ever do that to me in public again, we're done. What would you like to drink? Do you think she ever did that again? No fucking way. Because no man had ever done that. Men had certainly reactively gone, you're a bitch, I'm not putting up with this anymore. Yeah, way too late. Yeah? But no man had ever calmly said boundary crossed, treat me with respect or I'll walk. Because I would have, because I have choice. I don't have to put up with that. So in that moment, this high maintenance girl suddenly realized, well, okay, I need to start playing on his level. I need to show him respect or he'll walk out of my life. Oh, and I don't want that. I definitely don't want that. Yeah? After that, she was a lovely person who just played at an equal level. The reason women test you, because the guys are always saying, yeah, well, she's been shit testing me a lot or whatever else, you need to look at again, why is a woman doing that? Why is she poking at her men in her life? Is that just because women are nasty, evil creatures? Yeah, that wanna just make you feel bad? No, we need to look at it again from her perspective. Men come into her life and of course, they're trying to show that I am awesome and I have all this stuff going for me and you should choose to be with me. And yet she knows that many men are not what they seem to be. And so what she starts to do, she just starts to poke at him and see what he's made of. A shit test, it's a wrong way to look at it. This is a masculinity test because what she's doing is she's going, if I push this button, his reaction will determine his character. Does that make sense? His reaction will determine his character because it's all well and good for a guy who's a decent actor to be able to go, here I am, I'm confident and this is what I am and I'm Alpha and Leader and all that kind of stuff. I have DHVs, but it's what he does when suddenly the roadmap disappears or he's out of control that determines actually what kind of guy he's gonna be. Girls do this, they will play little games with you, they will test you, not just because they're being drama queens and being bitches, it's because they need to, they must, test what kind of man you are. I love it when a girl starts testing me because that means, well firstly she's interested, she wouldn't bother otherwise and secondly because I'm pretty sure I can pass those tests because I'm okay with myself and I'm not gonna be reactive because think about it for a woman, again when she's choosing to be with a guy in a relationship she doesn't wanna be with a man who's going to be possessive, aggressive, violent who's going to take everything incredibly seriously, who's gonna be boring, all of these things and so she's gonna have to start testing to see well is he gonna be any of these things because a guy, if she says that shirt looks gay on you, whatever, and the guy's going oh shit, there's time, I've got this comeback to put her in a place, if she's done something like that, really she's doing that to see how you respond and if you go yeah my gay friend picked it out for me, it's nice, huh, then she sees okay, this man doesn't take life so seriously and he can handle a woman just prodding at him and he's still okay, all right, that she's just projecting into the future and going all right so if I was to be in a relationship with him or if I was to have him as my fuck buddy or whatever else it would be cool, it would be relaxed, it would be okay, I would be having fun with him, I would be benefiting from being with this man, remember again she's only gonna do it if it's of benefit to her, so please when a girl starts prodding and testing it, good sign, means she gives a fuck at all because if she's not interested in you at all she wouldn't bother, girls don't just do that for sport, they typically do it because they wanna find out what's really happening below the surface, you know, after basic biological needs the thing that everybody wants most is a feeling of what, any ideas, a longing, connection, acceptance, yeah, okay, yeah we're all, it's all in the general vicinity, everyone wants to feel significant and special because on this planet there's seven billion other creatures that look pretty much the same and are going through similar experiences and it can be pretty easy to feel like you're not special, like you're just another one of these insignificant ant-like creatures going through the processes of birth to death and so people are always desperately seeking meaning out of their lives and they are always desperately seeking a sense of being unique and special and significant, yeah, so when you're looking at what does a woman want, I think we all want this, but what does she want when she's with a man, is she wants to feel special and significant, doesn't necessarily mean she needs to feel special like forever after in a monogamous marriage but that she will want to feel significant, I was with a lover very recently who I hadn't seen since I've been away overseas and we got back in bed together and she just stopped me for a second and said, how did she phrase it? It was like, am I just part of a blur of women? All right, interesting kind of visual and she asked that question because she knows that, okay, I'm a professional seducer, I'm here for a short time, I'm not gonna be her boyfriend, yeah? She knows all of these things and she's okay with that but what she really needed to know was, okay, I know you're with all these other girls but do I matter? Like, is this of any relevance to you at all? Am I just another face in this kaleidoscope of women? Yeah, and women will do that particularly when you get good with them, they'll start to ask you these kinds of questions because they wanna know, are they significant? Because that's, I think for a woman, that's her greatest insecurity is that she's not special as a desired person and I think the greatest desire of a woman in terms of her relationships is to be desired. Like, women care a lot about the attention that men put on them, we don't so much. I think for men it's more about the fact that we desire that we want to have because we don't really walk down the street going, is everyone checking me out, does my ass look fat in this? Do I still have it, am I sexy? I mean, these thoughts will pop up in different ways, we will consider this stuff but for a woman, that's heavy, that's always. So girls, I mean girls go out in packs and stand in the middle of dance floors and wiggle and dance just because they wanna dance. We don't do that, yeah? They do that because that is about the attention they're getting to go to from men in terms of am I special, am I sexy, am I desirable, yeah? And a woman wants to feel, yeah, she wants to feel like men want her sexually and that she is actually desirable but not in just this generic like, yeah, she's hot enough to fuck. No woman wants to feel hot enough to fuck, yeah? She wants to feel like a man desires her specifically. So in terms of we look at direct seduction, in terms of going up and being direct with a girl verbally, it's far more powerful to go up to a girl and say to her something like, I saw the way your hips were moving down the street and I had to come and talk to you or to say, you know, you're really gorgeous when you smile. Yeah, or your eyes twinkle when you're talking to me or something like that. These compliments that are very specific to her are far more powerful than going up to a girl and saying, hey, you're hot, yeah? So if you're gonna be verbally direct with a girl, which I encourage you to do and to experiment with, be specifically direct. Tell her exactly what it is about her. You know, I was in Belgrade recently and I saw this girl who was my type walking across the park and I ran across the park, which I rarely do, and I ran up to her and I stopped and I said, excuse me, I ran up to you, which I rarely do. And I took a moment and she's like, why I said, because I am crazy about curly redheads who can walk like that. That I guarantee, and she was flabbergasted within a few minutes, like, because I was teaching, I got a number and we had this interaction. The next night, she sent me a text and I didn't, this is her initiating it, saying, I was thinking about what happened in the park yesterday and it made me realize that the four-year relationship that I've been in is not working for me. So I broke up with my boyfriend today. Now, see, this is, and it was like, this is not like home record technique 101. What this demonstrates is simply how women's needs are not being met in one situation. This woman's been in this relationship for four years and a stranger comes up to her and very sincerely delivers a very, very specific compliment to her and shows her why she is unique and special. Yes, she's a hot chick, but what type? That she had it specifically affected me. And of course, the fact that I ran over there and confidently told her this, tells her that I'm a man who has choice. She's working all this stuff out. So she's like, okay, this sexy, confident guy who knows what he wants, wants me. That means I'm special. That means I'm really significant. And that means I'm not really feeling that with my boyfriend. In fact, I haven't, and she's singing, I haven't felt that in years and I've just kind of tolerated it and put up with it and no, I'm worth way more than that. And so I'm ending it. She didn't end it to be with me. That was the thing. She wrote to me after that, something along the lines of, and I can't see you right now because I need to sort this out. It wasn't like she broke up with him to upgrade to me. It was just that I gave her the insight of, well, she is actually really fucking sexy and she needs to own it and she deserves more out of life. So if you can make a woman feel special and significant, but not in a needy way, that's why you can go and tell a girl that in person but never put that as a comment on her Facebook photos. Never, because you'll see guys who are somehow friends with models every time she puts a photo up. Wow, darling, the lighting in this photo just makes you look so amazing or whatever. And you're like, oh, dudes, please stop. Don't do that. That's not gonna work because a guy who's sitting on the computer and commenting on girls who thinks it's really hard is not the guy that's running after the girl and telling her that in person. So don't do that online. But yeah, go and tell girls these specific things because that makes her feel that's what she wants. Women want to be desired by men who don't need them. They wanna be with a man who chose them because that says I'm special, I'm significant. This is a really important thing to note. Hmm, I got one minute left to cover sex. Here's how I'm gonna try and do that. Okay, many years ago, I lucked upon, well, well-pre like any kind of me going out there and making this happen, lucked upon a girl who taught me how to have sex. It was 22, she was 28. And she was the first woman that taught me that women like sex. That was mind-blowing. I think there's a point in every man's life where you go, hopefully you realize that women don't just have sex in order to get relationships. So they don't just tolerate sex or they don't only like sex when they're in love. Women are incredibly fucking sexual. This woman first taught me how to fuck. And I remember her saying to me fuck me hard and slow. And I was like, whoa, what is that? Learning that was like a breakthrough. And so this woman gave me instruction on how to be a great lover. And I'm very grateful to her. And I suggest if you don't have a lot of sexual experience, you that's what you wanna try and find. Is a girl who you find attractive and who is willing to help you to become good. That will affect the rest of your life, trust me. Anyway, many years later, she slept with a friend of mine. Now this is a guy who, can I have a couple more minutes? So yeah, cause it's gonna be weird. And good night. She slept with a friend of mine. And this guy, can I stop that buzzing at me over time? Okay, and this guy is in terms of, I have a range of friends who are all seducers. And when I say seducer in terms of professional, that means you have had sex with 100 women plus, okay? Which is a lot. And most men have sex with five to 10 in their life or something. So all the guys I know that I would consider to be really good at this, we know it's 100 plus. This guy, his goal over the last couple of years has been to have sex with less women each year. He said to me, I want this year, knocked it down to 80. He's like, good for you, good for you. He would have sex with 100 plus girls a year. I'm not joking. Now, before you're like, there was certainly, he certainly had some advantages. He's six foot three, he's black. He's ripped as fuck. He's a rapper, has been known to deal drugs. And I know, because I'm back in more of the crazy days I was involved in like some wacky group sex situations, that he's a huge fucking cock. It's ferociously big and incredibly intimidating to be around. You know, you're trying to be, you're like, oh boy. Right? Right? So anyway, the point is, you've got all, you've all got the visual. Okay, you can imagine him. All right, so you're a perfect hot black dude who's really good with women and really good in bed. So this friend of mine, she slept with this guy many years later. And me and her have had a very, very open and honest relationship since we were lovers and been friends for many years. And so I sat her down. I said, hey, so Chloe, I'm curious. So you slept with Flo's. I heard it and it was, you know, all night. And I'm just curious to know, like obviously he was better in bed than I was, but I'm just curious to know what was the difference? Like how was it different? And she said, no, you're better in bed. And I said, come on. Like we've known each other much too long. You don't have to, you don't have to fucking look after my ego. I'm like, of course he was better. I'm just wanna know how it was different. She said, you were better in bed. And I said, how is that possible? He's fucking hugely hung and he's like a, you know, sex pneumatic machine. Fucks all night. I'm never gonna sleep in this house. And she said something really powerful. She said, Jamie, you understand that you can't fuck every woman the same way. And I got it. Cause this guy was a sex machine. Yeah. But according to her, he only had one setting. Yeah. He fucked every woman pretty much the same way because that's the way he did it. That's the way he liked to do it. And that's what worked most of the time or whatever reason. But I know I'm a fucking amazing lover because every time I'm with a woman, I wanna find out what she really likes, what pushes her buttons, what's different for her. If you wanna be great in bed, because yes, you wanna know what women want, they want great sex, they want orgasms because there's horrific stuff going on out there where I think the average sexual experience lasts, like men last five to seven minutes that's been documented, okay? It's up from the fifties where it used to be three to five minutes, so that's good. But there's a whole lot of really average and really shit sex happening out there for women. And the thing is for a guy, even if it's really shit leasty sort of, well leasty came, right? Yeah, for a woman, five to seven minutes is not enough time to do anything really, yeah? So there's a whole lot of very unsatisfied women sexually. So if you wanna become a great seducer and you wanna have high quality, amazing women in your life, you're gonna have to be amazing in bed. But that is not about this kind of herculean stamina and knowing some special secret squirting techniques, which, I mean, that's good, that is useful, yeah? If you know how to do that, that's cool. There are technicalities, yes, you need to know where a clitoris is, you need to know how to manipulate the G-spot, you need to know technical aspects. But more important than that, a great lover is a man who is able to communicate and be sensitive to the fact that each woman is very different. And so much so, because it's unfair because if a woman learns how to give a really good blow job to one man, she can give a really good blow job to the entire planet. Yeah? There's only one, like once you know it, you got it, yeah? Whereas, you know, the guys with his girlfriend learns how to give the best head to his girlfriend, you know, he is, and he's a sex machine, he's amazing, and he goes to a new girl and does that, she's lying there going, this guy sucks, yeah? So much variation in terms of a woman's physiology. You know, some girls who want you to rub their clitoris like this and some girls when you touch it, it's too sensitive, so learning to be able to communicate with a woman and actually find out that not every woman likes to be fucked the same way is what will make you a great lover, yeah? And I'll leave you with just like one technical aspect on that, well, how do you communicate that? Because that can be awkward, you know, how do you find out sexually what a woman wants? Don't ask questions like, is this good? Because if you ask a girl while you're going down on her, is this good, what's she gonna say? She's gonna say yes, yeah, because she doesn't, it's awkward, she's, how's she gonna explain, no, it's gonna hurt his feelings, whatever else? You phrase the questions in terms of things like, how do you like this better? Harder or softer? Do you want more or less of this? Yeah, so you're only giving her options to make, to improve the sexual experience, not to say, not to just back out of it and say yes, no, that's fine, yeah? That's the kind of communication, verbally, that will vastly improve your abilities as a lover. Yeah? So I had a lot more, I wanted to talk about sex, but that's the best that I could boil it down to in the time that I had. So to wrap up, in this full spectrum of what makes you an amazing man who gets what he wants out of life, you must always also consider those people around you. The best way to get what you want is to make sure that those around you get what they want, in terms of being a business leader or whatever else, yeah? I live exactly the life that I want and it's really fucking enjoyable. I travel all the time, I have sex with really interesting, really beautiful women, I have amazing friends and I have a really interesting crew that's around me and I look after all those people all the time. That's what an alpha male is. He's a tribal leader who makes sure that the tribe is looked after, not a tyrant or not some kind of slash and burn opportunist, yeah? So, on an individual level with the women that you want, you need to start to work out what it is that's missing in her life, what her emotional needs are and then you can present them to her and then you become super fucking valuable. Then you become totally worthy, yeah? Then you have entitlement to have her because you're giving her what no man can, no matter how rich or powerful or whatever else because he doesn't care or he doesn't know how to find out. And that I believe is all I have time for. Thank you very much gentlemen. Thank you. All right guys, hey, we're a little pressed on time but three questions, two short, one long. If it goes over, you're gonna pay. All right, bring it on. Brilliant speech, James. Thank you. All right, so with me, a lot of the times I would get with a girl, she would want me to be a boyfriend. Yep. Yeah, how do you deal with that sort of thing? Look, I just want a bit of casual. Okay, understood. All right, good question. Firstly, I know that the speech that I gave at 21 Convention in London this year is mainly about that. So, you know, it'll come out at some point, right, Anthony? He's gonna, got it here. This talks a whole lot about basically all the types of relationship models that you can fit into and how to do those effectively. In a nutshell though, it comes down to this fact. If girls keep wanting to be your boyfriend, it's because you keep presenting them the option of being their boyfriend. It means that you are giving her a whole lot of evidence that you would be a great boyfriend and you're acting like one. If you wanna have a casual relationship or you wanna be her fling or whatever, you need to show her that you offer different things than the boyfriend guy does. I have lots of short-term relationships that are quite intense, quite intimate, but the girls know I'm not the settle down boyfriend for three years kind of guy. Right, not right now anyway. So, because I do things like I don't hold a hand in public. I don't sit there smooching with her. I don't hang out with her friends and her family. I don't talk about our futures together or all this kind of stuff. I take her on wild sexual adventures, pretty much the only touch I do in public is slapping on their ass, running my hand up the inside of her leg under a restaurant table because I'm her lover. That's what a lover does, yeah? Because I'm there to provide that set of emotional needs and sexual needs for her and not other ones. And I let her know I'm not standing in the way of you finding a guy to fulfill those other needs which I know you may have in terms of reliability, stability or that deep emotional connection and so on. I'm here for this and I do this really, really well. And if you try and put me in any other box it's not gonna work, yeah? So what's happening there is simply that you are not communicating what role you are able to offer her properly. That's it. So you need to start looking at how do I let her know that, no, I've got a great offer for you. I've got some cool stuff to give to you. Cool experiences, sexy, fun, exciting but it's not those ones. Does that make sense? Okay. Okay. If you can look at that speech which I gave like an hour and a half on that topic specifically that will give you more insight. Guys, I hate to say we have time for just one more actually. Here we go. Hi, I'm Harry James, great speech. Just with, I think a piece of being a leader is being decisive in like unclear situations. Yes. So say, mostly like you've been a bit wishy-washy and then you wanted to go ahead and cultivate decisiveness. And you're growing. So you're facing a lot of unclear territories that you haven't been before. Right. So in those scenarios, can you give a few tips of how to go about cultivating decisiveness as a characteristic? It's one of those ones where it's really like be decisive because yes, you're right. And it's a really important point that a characteristic of a great leader is that they are adaptable because even when you set out whatever plan that will shift the guy that's able to go, so I'm taking this girl to this awesome pizza restaurant. I get there and it's burnt down. The guy who just goes, fuck and my date's ruined on. This is terrible. Immediately he's lost the race. The guy who goes, wow, my favorite pizza restaurant has been burnt down. All right, there's a late night deli. Let's go and grab some stuff and have a peeping in the park. He's going to suddenly change disaster into a success. So, but the thing is, the thing that stops guys from developing decisiveness is the idea that there is a perfect decision to make. There isn't. There's infinite possibilities and there's a whole lot of them which would be fine or good or awesome. And pretty much, once we start just making decisions, then even if it was not quite the best decision, we'll be able to recalibrate it and move it. The search for the perfect decision will lead you to be paralyzed. Just by taking leadership and making decisions, you cultivate that automatically. I think that's the best I can give you right now. Round of applause. This guy's awesome.