 what's up everybody I hope everyone is doing well all right and if you are watching on YouTube go ahead and message me let me know that you're out there shoot me a comment oh there we go that's better sorry guys it was I'm having quite the morning but I hope you are doing well and if you as I mentioned are hearing this loud and clear over in YouTube land shoot me that message in the comments let me know that everything is working properly oh right so a couple things that I wanted to discuss today I guess I will give you guys wow the hair is a mess today it's Tuesday and I can't get it together guys all right well a couple of things that I want to discuss today it's interesting I have a David Goggins story I wanted to to make my piece with with Tom Brady I basically I will get to that we'll get to that but and then I was I wanted to chat at the end a little bit about some tips that you can use to develop and cultivate better listening skills but because I can tell you that in the land of self development certainly in the land of reaching your true potential it is one part of you's strength training and eating right and sleeping right and everything that is going to make you a better person but also your ability to bring others in so your ability to make connections build rapport but also listening because listening in and itself though it's a small item it's just giving somebody your attention if you've been following the art of charm and what we do you understand that the idea of being a high-value person is to be able to give attention approval and acceptance to others that's the value that you have as a human being in a herd animal that you can give others that allows them to connect with you and allows them to open up listening is a skill that to be developed can open those doors can open new opportunities for you just by being a good listener so I am going to end today with a little discussion about that so let me know how you guys are doing shoot me a comment let me know you're out there seeing someone gave me a thumbs up I appreciate it as I first how we going live every Tuesday I'm trying to keep my streaming chops up I'm trying to hopefully build up a bit of an audience for Tuesdays or for live streaming because I really enjoy doing it and also I've been if you've noticed I've been taking clips out of these videos and making other content with them so and I'm still trying to work out that process it is a it is a way to to record some things to do something live and then take some comp build some content from that from these sessions we'll see how that goes I enjoy doing it I'm a little bit overwhelmed with the mission that I had taken on in the new year with helping and working to build our YouTube channel out so it's going to be a process I appreciate it so thank you guys for that it's looks like through y'all tuning in alright so here's the here's how I woke up and this brings me to David Goggins so I have been doing some work on our YouTube channel the SEO stuff making sure the keywords and tags I've been doing some research on that I've been going back through all videos and it just so happens that a few years ago we had interviewed David Goggins before his book came out he wasn't he was barely on the scene at that point and in fact he had only done Rogan the one time and I had I watched that episode and I was a huge fan in fact I remember watching that episode and hearing David talk now I wasn't acquainted with ultra marathons I didn't even I never thought about it I would imagine that those events were out there but I didn't know anyone who who who who engaged in that kind of stuff and I didn't know it was a very popular sport marathon sure of course so I'm watching David Goggins on Rogan and I remember him talking about some of his his feats the pull-ups and push-ups and the 100 miles alone to get into the the other marathon ultra marathon and I remember thinking to myself that this guy is obviously full of it there there is nobody in the world who is able to do these things these feats of strength and endurance were impossible so I I was like I'm not watching this guy but something inside me compelled me to just look him up and lo and behold there was pictures and there was a story about him so everything that he was saying was true and it was at that point that I I was like well if if this guy isn't full of it then I need to listen to every word that this guy has to say because I was even aware that the human body let alone the human spirit was capable of such feats and so I watched his interview he said a few things that instantly changed my view and working out up until that point I saw working out is this thing that I begrudgingly did every morning and fought with myself to go do it David had said some things that changed my view the whole idea of embracing the suck and and that if you could be your best if by giving up one hour every day every morning well why wouldn't you like he said some things and there's in those moments that changed my whole perception about what my purpose was in the gym not only that my attitude towards endurance and running and cardio so I had become an instant fan and I had the opportunity of writing him then and him answering and having to be in it was a few months later he was going to be in LA doing some work for the book can't hurt me that hadn't been even released yet and that he said he would do the interview so I'm fanboy mode I can't believe that he's he's gonna do our show and it was one of those moments where you're meeting somebody that you look up to who's changed your your life who's changed your perception of the world around you who's made you a better person and so I had been excited about David being on the show and then he comes in and I had the opportunity of telling him how that how his appearance on Rogan changed my my view and life and and how I went into working out and I want to and I and I might I said to David I said every once in a while it's a rare moment in every man's life when he hears or sees something that changes his perception of the world around him for good and it's even a rare occasion that you would get to meet the person who said or that you saw that has changed your life so David I I want to thank you and so David stood up shake my shook my hand and it was so such an incredible moment to be able to tell this person I've looked up to this how is uh how his words affected me now regardless of that it's a little story I wanted to tell you about that interview so this morning I woke up and that video for whatever reason has boosted the views on the whole artichoke channel 20% as of this morning that's that's a lot of views granted we don't have Jay Shetty numbers or anything like that in fact the reason I'm doing extra work on our YouTube channel is that it's never got the love that it deserved especially for the amazing guests that we've had so I'm doing this work I get this message date it's the David Goggins video and and so to see that for whatever reason that video is getting this extra attention and it had shaken loose allow me this morning I made a special playlist for that video and dropped it on there but my my point all that I woke up to seeing that that made me smile and put me in a reflective mood about making that video and what it meant to me and for a lot of you people who I've talked to who have wrote me after watching that video or has told me what an amazing experience it must have been to meet David I guess well yeah it was one of my favorite interviews and I he was one of my favorite people at that moment and also he was new on the scene no one even really knew him the book hadn't even come out yet so it was just really excited to wake up to that and to be able to have that happen and to be able to reflect on it and to have that moment captured So that's what I woke up to today so I'm psyched about that and then to bring it to Tom Brady and this was one of the things that I wanted to discuss was that there are people it's certainly in sports high performance areas in life but let's talk about other high performance areas math you know MIT rocket scientists engineers people who have built some of the most incredible structures that you and I have ever seen these are people who earn who find moments to defy all reality and raise the bar of not only the the work in the field that they are in but also they had to find that extra gear or that that that place in themselves that they've lifted themselves up to be able to raise the bar and speaking of Goggans you know we're now watching Tom Brady win his 7 Super Bowl but Tom Brady's been in how many Super Bowls I mean playing in a Super Bowl for Tom Brady at this point his old hat he's done it so many times he's lost the more Super Bowls than most people will ever see let alone win 7 you want to and who's in his 40s talking about somebody who has raised the bar to the next level who had who found it in themselves to to advance their own physical mental prowess to then have raised to bar there are those athletes are few and far and few between now on the show we've talked to Stan Beach home and and Michael Gervais and David nurse these are high performance coaches Gervais for the Seahawks David nurse he's a he's a hoops coach and those people are so inspiring to be able to help people get to the next level so what I mentioned this morning that I was going to make my peace with Tom Brady was more so that I grew up in Pittsburgh and I grew up a Steelers fan I don't watch football anymore as it seems the the whole league has lost itself certainly politics is one of those points but I mean for one week what you refer to as a catch changes to the next week I mean when you can't even have agreement on the rules well for me it made me lose interest anyway but as a Steeler fan for most of my life I had to deal with with Ben Tomlin coward my team as a whole collapsing to Tom Brady and the new England Patriots for for all of Tom's career as long as he's been in a league Ben and the Steelers had folded to Tom which you can imagine I never wanted to like the guy I never wanted to have to I never wanted to have I didn't want to have to admit sorry but I didn't want to have to admit to his dominance over the league not only my team but the league in general and it was I think two years ago where I had finally made peace where I was like well you know Tom is who Tom is and he's goat and and that's just how it's just how it is I finally he had done so he had achieved so much had raised the bar so high and had put himself in a position where everyone has to chase him that you eventually just have to come to terms with the with the accomplishments and acknowledge it and therefore respect Goggins being one of those people so started to wake up this morning to think about Goggins and see that in our downloads or views and for myself to come to terms with him in that moment where I realized that his accomplishments were not to be ignored but to be respected and to have to listen to what this guy has to say about that which Tom Brady at this how are you going to deny Tom Brady anymore I mean the guy is in his 40s and he just trounced Kansas City Kansas City was and I though I don't watch much football anymore I was I pay attention to the scores I pay attention to if the Steelers are doing well and I could tell you they completely collapsed at the end of the year and I know for everyone who was bitching I was like well well wouldn't that been something if for whatever reason they finally make their way back to the Super Bowl only to be facing Tom Brady and the Bucks now that right there my friends is is the reality of the achievements and you just cannot you cannot ignore that anymore so that's what I wanted to say about that so now I want to get into the last part I wanted to give you I wanted to leave you guys with some tips on some better listening to upgrade your listening skills so that you can open up yourself to new opportunities now I see a few more of you have joined shoot me a message shoot me a comment let me know you're out there it's good to see you guys I appreciate it and as I've mentioned I'm going to be doing live streaming every Tuesday a 30 morning PST where chat about some things and I'd like to do more of this also if you're new if you just stumbled over this make sure you hit subscribe hit the notification bell leave a comment give me a thumbs up hit that thumbs up that allows other people to see these videos and then we can really start having some fun alright so lastly I wanted to discuss them some tips that you can use to cultivate better listening skills to open you up to more opportunities now number one it is the it is understanding that there are two types of listening there's active listening and passive listening active listening is to to give all of your attention and then looking for what you're listening for as a problem solver or as somebody who's looking to connect both forms of listening relational and critical carry with them a different focus if you were looking if you were listening to somebody to help them solve their problems then you are going to be listening through a lens that is a problem solving lens you're going to be listening for data you are going to be listening for gaps in that data you are going to be looking for a solution to end the conversation you're going to be looking for a solution to help solve that problem the other type of listening relational listening is listening with a focus on empathy on connection on commonalities on things that you can relate to the other person both both carry with it a different focus if if you are listening to your romantic partner and she or he wants to connect but you are listening in order to solve a problem then you're not listening on the same wavelength have you ever gotten an argument with somebody when they've told you their problems you went to solve it for them and they said you're not listening to me that's because you were listening as a problem solver and I look listening to relate so number two focus the focus needs to be on the other person focusing on what it is the emotional bids that you are that you are looking for is that attention is that approval is that acceptance those are for the relational listening moments that's going to allow you to connect this is going to allow you to build rapport and connect with the other person that's a different type of focus when it comes to problem solving if you're listening for problem solving as I mentioned earlier you're listening for data points you're listening for gaps and those data points you are looking to make sure that all the relevant information is going to be there so that you can go into a solution oriented retort number three giving your complete attention to the other person we don't do enough of this and we've certainly found it in modernity that we have our attention split up in the multiple places whether it be the phone we just put back in our pocket the synchronous conversation that we've been having online that is going back and forth into the person that's in front of us the thing about it is just because we've put our phone into our our pocket doesn't mean that our complete attention has been switched out of it much like a computer we don't just turn our attention off and on it lingers it dissipates it's moving its focus from one area to the next if you're carrying on a conversation on your phone and then are switching it to the person in front of you it's going to take time it is not something that you can just switch over as a species as a human being we've caught ourselves in a place where we're unable or at least we're unable to keep up with the technology that we've invented around us where our computers are able to switch at focus that easy we're not and we tend to to think that we can because of all the technology that is able to do that around us much like anything else I did a rant about on-demand culture in a podcast that we did a few weeks ago and that everything is on demand around us our the movies we watch the records that we listen to the the television shows we're we're binge watching everything now that on-demand culture has found its way into our social lives where we think we can just schedule a zoom call for 10 minutes and connect with somebody though there is a connection being made the real rapport and then the time that rapport needs in order to take place is just not happening anymore therefore all the connections that we've been making are on a superficial level therefore no one feels completely fulfilled in their needs of that connection this makes it incredibly difficult I know for myself with with the pandemic I'm missing out on all the social activities that I used to be involved with trying to find time to reconnect with people through the technology we have and that's fine it works it's better than nothing but there's still the fulfillment in those connections is not nearly what it used to be sitting down next to somebody and reading their micro expressions and being able to mirror them allows for a deeper connection to happen I can't mirror you through the technology that we have the the pixels even if it's 4k are not matching up therefore my automatic responses as a human being to mirror you cannot happen therefore leaving these connections not as deep or fulfilling as they would be in having with somebody in real life which we need to account for number four body language in listening to somebody make sure you have your body language open open body equals an open mind close body equals a close mind the studies on this and the data is clear and I believe there has been so many experiments done that if you take a group setting and you have half the room listen with closed off body language half the room listen to a lecture with open body language the the data has point points out that people closed off body language tend to have retained 30% less information than those with open body language now there's always going to be exceptions to the rules and you can argue about how well you can do with closed off body language but we're discussing this in general audiences we're talking about the law of averages and if you want to play this game where you're the exception to the rule well by all means be my guest I'm not here to argue with you I'm here to give you the facts and give you some some tricks tips and hacks to be a better listener so if you want to be a better listener don't think that you're the exception to the rule and make sure that when you are there to listen to somebody you give them open body language this will also relax them why because if I go into a conversation with my arms crossed to listen to you I'm going to feel compelled to mirror me and now you're going to be crossing your arms now rather than having open body language and both of us being able to retain the information that we're hearing from each other well now we're just talking at each other rather than to each other so body language being the next one and lastly what is the context in which you're hearing this information let me give you an example yesterday somebody tweeted at me a comment about something that was going on in Joe Rogan's podcast it was a disturbing story of a grandmother and a child who was having bad grades the story in itself isn't important what's important is I made a crack that that Joe's podcast on Spotify isn't what it is and this guy quips back on Twitter with hey well Joe was just talking about this this is edgy well this subject that you had given me is completely out of context to what the conversation was was it a was it a story that was a humorous story a humorous take or were they being serious were they reading an actual story was it a hypothetical story or was it actual story that was based on true events without the context the tweet that somebody sent me is invalid why am I going to respond to a tweet that's out of context so even if that's asynchronous conversation you can imagine with the listening skills would need to be in the context that you were going to have to derive from a conversation would be in the same manner what is why so here's the context that I want you to think about don't get this confused with mind reading equate this to the the facts that are presented to you why are they telling you the story this goes back to the be the first tip that I gave you guys which is is it critical listening which would be problem solving listening or is it relational listening this will help you derive some context to why you're being told the information that you're being told lastly this gives you an opportunity then to summarize what you've just heard when you summarize the information that you just heard you're putting it in context you were able to nail down that both of you define words in the same manner that there is an agreed basis for the information that was exchanged and not only did you hear it clearly that you're able to recite it but that you have the context which gives you an opportunity to answer whether it is a problem solving conversation or it is a relational conversation and if you have the correct context you have the correct focus you've agreed in this and the summarization so now the reasoning behind the conversation has now been accepted if you do that if you practice these tips you will be a better listener and you will be presented with more opportunities in your life so that's what I got it is 902 and I'm gonna have to go but for those of you who checked it out if you have any questions throw them up I'll give you a minute here and then I gotta go but I want to thank you guys I'll be here every Tuesday 830 the stream as I mentioned I'm doing a ton of work on our YouTube channel whether and it's adding plenty of content I'm making new videos I'm doing these streams I've I've redid all the past videos are keywords and stuff so trying to get some momentum over here I appreciate you guys for joining in Eric Barnhart says I'm passive listening right now well you certainly are my friend I completely I completely agree and Stefan Stefan a says so interesting really enjoyed this well thank you very much Stephen a do you think do you think zoom meets have an advantage over in person well Stefan that depends on how you want to show up for that conversation in real life you can't show up for that conversation without your pants on on zoom hey maybe I'm not wearing pants right now I would say that's the only advantage to that any advantages well to be a little bit more comfortable at home the problem with zoom is we're relegated to it because of the pandemic we're stuck with it it's all we got it serves its purpose but I could tell you focus is not there because there's nothing to compel you to hold focus Stephen if I was having this conversation with you face to face your body language your micro expressions your attention your body language all of those components would add to every would add to me needing and feeling compelled to give you more attention and so it's difficult for my attention to slip it is difficult for my attention to slip if you're standing right in front of me where how many conversations Stephen have you been in on a zoom meeting with maybe co-workers where maybe you skipped over the to Twitter to see what was going on in the middle of that conversation only because you knew you could do it but in that conversation if if if that was happening at work and you were in a business meeting would have you have pulled out your phone to swipe through to scroll through Twitter while you were in the middle of that meeting I don't think so so there's where the differences lie and well and I'll give you another advantage you can record the call so that you can go back to it later and there is a permanent record of it that's about the only advantages I could think of may maybe less nervousness well that once again that depends on the the call and who it's with I would think so but as I said I would it's easier to to to feel disconnected to at least the point where your your concentration will will start to roll to other areas because there's nothing holding you dead center and person behind a mask I don't know what that means all right so well Eric thanks for tuning in Stefan thanks for tuning in I will give you guys another second to throw up anything if not give me a thumbs up write a comment subscribe hit the notification bell do all the good do all the lovely things that you guys know us YouTubers love and helps out the show and we'll see what we can do with this I appreciate thank you guys alright Stephanie thank you too I will see you guys later have an incredible Tuesday