 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five factors that make him addicted to you in a good way. Okay, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you could be notified of new content and or videos I should say, and at any time during this video, if the content resonates with you, please do me a favor and hit that like button. Really quickly, if you're watching the replay, I'm going to do the content first, then I'm going to go into Q and A. So just give you a heads up. You don't have to stay for the whole thing. You can hear the content first and then we'll move over to the Q and A. But I will tell you this, the Q and A is the best part of this. So stick around for some fun, if I can last. And I'll explain why in a second. Okay, we're going to talk about the five factors that make him really, really addicted to you, but in a good way, because being addicted to someone in an unhealthy way isn't good. Now really quickly, I want to share with you that this video was birthed after watching, I'm going to share with you something publicly. I watch many other relationship coaches and others in my industry, just because I'm fascinated with how others view this realm of dating, mating and relating. And I was listening to, I don't want to call him a contemporary, but I'll just say someone out there that has a platform, actually a very big YouTube platform. And he shares his opinion on relationships in particular. And so he shared something very interesting to me. And then I decided, well, I have my own take on this. So he shared his five factors of what makes a woman a man addicted to a woman. And I want to share those with you. And then I'm going to go into what I think is the deeper conversation needed to actually create true connection with another human being. True compatibility. And as I always say, a true juicy, delicious, healthy relationship. So if you're looking for a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship, I hope you appreciate the five things I'm about to share. But what this person shared was rather interesting. So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses and I don't want to share it with you because I'm going to share what he said. The five factors that make a man addicted to you are the following for women. Is that you must be fit, you must be friendly, you must be fun, you must be effable, and I'm not going to say the F word, and you must be cooperative. Let me repeat that. You must be fit, friendly, fun, effable, and cooperative. So I started to think about that. And to some extent, I think, there's some validity to maintaining a good health, especially for those of us in midlife. Sadly, men and women alike as they age don't do a really good job of taking care of themselves. And I'm a big proponent of people choosing a more healthier lifestyle. In other words, exercising on a regular basis and eating foods, less processed foods and more healthy foods to maintain our body so we can live to be 80, 90 years old. So I'm not sure I'm object to the idea that being fit isn't a good thing for people. For human beings in general, I think it's important to maintain our physical fitness. So that's what I can agree with. And the second thing you shared is being friendly. Well, friendly is a great thing to be. I think it's important to be friendly. I think today, I got to tell you, I've gone on dates where I've met a woman for the first time and she has what's known as resting bitch face when you see her for the first time. There was no joy, no enthusiasm, no excitement. And I don't mean towards me, I just mean towards life. So being friendly is a rather important thing to be, you know, to embody in your life. So that I can agree with. So fit, friendly and fun. Yes, who doesn't want someone who isn't fun? Of course that. And then next is the effable. And I'm not gonna say the F word right now. I might say it later, but I've decided to tone down for a second but to be effable. In other words, I think what he's really talking about is sensuality and sexuality. Now, to some extent, I think what he's referring to is exuding sexuality to entice a man to come in. And while I don't believe in leading with that, I think it's important to develop a healthy sex life with your partner. So that one I don't disagree with. And then lastly, he talks about being cooperative. Now, let me tell you what he really means under the words cooperative. What he's really saying is ladies, you need to become submissive to men. You need to become submissive to men. Men are the dominant and women are submissive. And that is where I draw the line at agreeing with this advice. And while I'm all four people who are agreeable, amenable in that sort of thing, both men and women alike, I do not believe in a one up, one down scenario. Because as he's sharing this to his audience, he's basically telling his audience that men are superior to women. And that is something I don't subscribe to. Those who know me know I don't even subscribe to the concept of masculine and feminine energy, the way the narrative is laid out in the dating, mating and relating realm, because I think it actually does more harm than good. In fact, it's one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading the book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated because it takes out all the gender expectations and it teaches you how to connect with someone at a heart-based level. I'm gonna tell you, when I bought this book and it's only a couple hundred pages, I never read a book in one sitting. The minute I picked up this book, I couldn't put it down. I love the messaging in there. Because this idea of being cooperative to being submissive is just setting us back to an old patriarchal way of being in relationship. And I'm not a big proponent of that. So I'm gonna share with you what I think high value men find highly addictive. And these are the factors that I think make more sense and I hope you agree with me. So now I'm gonna share, I just shared with you what some, I don't even wanna call them a contemporary. Another YouTuber shared, I'm gonna share my version. And my version is this, the five factors that make a man addicted to you. Number one, your actions matching your words, your actions matching your words. And sadly in the dating realm today, I see men and women alike who are not consistent with their actions. They're not impeccable with their word. I think I shared in a previous video how I had a phone date planned with a woman and she totally blew me up because, well, she was with her friends having fun. Well, she made a commitment to me and I understand that her date, her friend time went longer, but that was rather rude to make a commitment and not live up to it. And I recognize that, you know, because I didn't matter to her. She didn't know who I was. So of course, she could treat me like some stranger, but I guarantee if she had a commitment with her boss to get on the phone at five o'clock on a Tuesday night, she would have made that commitment. So when I hear excuses, it's oftentimes because we don't value another human being. And if you really wanna change your narrative in dating, then please, please, please be consistent with your words. And I don't mean it's all the time. There's always gonna be exceptions to the rule, but be consistent with your words. Darn it, my pants are riding up my crotch again, so please forgive me. This is gonna happen. I don't wear underwear is probably the reason why. I just like to wear my, I like to go solo and free. Okay, so we just talked about actions matching words. Number two, this is so critically important and sadly, most people don't take personal responsibility for their choices. They don't take personal responsibility for their choices. We, as I say this repeatedly, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. It is all, you know, it's funny. I was looking at a woman's dating profile the other day and right off the bat, I don't want any cheaters or liars or this or that and blah, blah, blah. And all that says to me is you are acting like a victim. When people complain and don't take ownership in their part of what's happened in their life, those to me are victims. And I don't mean, look it, if you have to call a doctor, an attorney, or a policeman, you have a valid reason to feel maybe victimized. But unless you have a reason, unless you have those three that you need to call, then you have no business being a victim other than in your head. And it's going to show up in an unhealthy way in relationships. And like I said, we are suckling on that. We are addicted to it here, particularly in the United States. And it is a big turn off. And by the way, a great analogy or example of this is when you ask someone about their past relationships, you ask them, hey, what happened in your marriage? And whether it's a man or woman, if you're throwing the other person under the bus and taking no ownership on your part in the relationship, then you're acting like a victim. Take ownership in your part and that's truly sexy. In fact, that becomes intoxicating when someone can own their shit. Can we all agree that when someone actually owns their shit, we actually have greater respect for them? I hope so because today it's not happening, both men and women alike. Number three, this is something I totally subscribe to is learning how to do what I call fighting fair, fighting fair and what that means is when you have a disagreement with a partner, it's not about being right. It's about coming up with solutions, coming up with solutions. So I highly encourage you to listen to your partner's point of view, accept their point of view as being true for them. You want them to listen to your point of view and accept your point of view as being true for you. Because when you can do that, you can look at, it's not about being right, it's about being happy. And the best way to be happy is not to try to win arguments, but to resolve arguments in a cooperative way. And by the way, compromise simply means trade off. You're trading one thing for another. And in relationship, there's always gonna be little compromises throughout the relationship. So just recognize that and I understand a lot of you have been with men who don't fight fair. It's always their way or the highway. Well, those aren't really good men to be in relationship with. And so if you find yourself in a relationship with someone that always has to be right, maybe you're not in the right relationship. All right, can I get an amen to that? By the way, this is my Moscow Mule Cup because it is happy hour. It's officially three o'clock here in Los Angeles or it's happy hour time. Okay, number four, this is so critically important and I've tweaked what I've shared in the past. So you may wanna listen to this, but I'm talking about empathy, empathy. Now, empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is also I care about your feelings. But I wanna take it a step further because this is the more critical, important conversation to have about feelings. It's not just that I can feel your feelings, I care about your feelings. I also honor and care about my feelings. Sadly, too many people don't genuinely love on themselves and so they compromise in hopes of shifting someone else's perspective on them. They continually compromise their own feelings and then they feel left hurt. This is why I highly recommend checking out my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? Chapter one is speak your truth. Now, do it with kindness. And then chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. Ladies, start being empathetic to yourself. It's critically important to start becoming, you know, embody your empowerment, your self-work, your self-reliance, self-esteem. By the way, in the description below is links to Jonathan recommends books and my book self-love the book. Okay. And number five, number five is transparency, transparency. Now, what I mean by transparency, if something is material to the relationship then you must be transparent about it. Maybe you have an STD, maybe you just started dating but you're not fully divorced. Maybe you've got, maybe you're about to lose your job. Maybe you've got some health issues going on. That's just one example, but let's talk about the deeper example of maybe you're just not into that person. Maybe you've fallen out of love with that person. If it's material to the relationship, if it's something that can affect the relationship then we need to be transparent because without it there's nothing worse than getting blindsided by someone. Now, I recognize the first, second, or third date. It's not like you're gonna vomit your entire life to someone and it's not incumbent upon you to share intimate things but as something begins to progress, if it's material to the relationship it's critically important to talk about it. And ladies, I'm not just talking about you doing this. I'm talking about men doing this too. And this is where it gets tricky because a lot of people lie to themselves. Let me repeat that. A lot of human beings lie to themselves. So when you lie to yourself you're effectively lying to your partner because maybe you don't know that you're not ready and you're lying to yourself and then effectively then later you say, well, I'm not ready to be in a relationship and you devastate someone who's invested time, energy and love with you. This is why I'm so such a big proponent of doing personal development work. Going back to my book, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. But why do I scream at the top of my lungs to do this work? Because here's the bottom line. Your shit is gonna come up when you're in relationship. Look it, I know most dating rhetoric is centered around chemistry and attraction. Let me repeat that, centered around chemistry and attraction. Yeah, we've been indoctrinated that chemistry equals relationship success. And I'm here to say that's nonsense because chemistry does not equal relationship success. What equals relationship success? Shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity and then add chemistry to that and then yeah, you've got a fighting chance. But if you're missing one or two of those things you're gonna be sorely challenged to try it and this is why they call it work because most of the time you're having to overly compromise yourself because you're addicted to the chemistry or the attachment and not necessarily with the right human being. This is why, look it, I'm gonna say something that's gonna upset a lot of you. 90% of, well, let me say this, 80% of relationships fail, they fail, they end because the vast majority and by the way, 80% of men and women who want to relationship at midlife aren't gonna get a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship. Let me repeat that, 80% of those people out there that are seeking a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship it ain't gonna happen for them. They might have a mediocre relationship. They might have a casual relationship. They might have a friends with benefits relationship. They might have dysfunctional relationships. They might have long distance relationships where they never see anyone. But truthfully to be in that 20% category and I listen, I know all of my contemporaries blow smoke up your ass and like, yeah, men are chivalrous and they're gonna claim you and all you gotta do is sit back in your feminine energy it's just gonna magically work out because magic fairy dust always works out every single time. Ah, that's what I think about that because the reality is is the only way to get into that 20% category that even has a chance you're gonna have to do some heavy duty personal development work. And this is why I highly recommend doing the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process to heal childhood wounds and traumas to heal childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas that cause us to have negative patterns and limiting the beliefs in our life that causes not to love ourselves when I did this workshop four years ago. I walked out of there with a blanket of self love. What did it feel like to actually love myself? And you know, we've all heard this how can you love another if you don't love yourself? Well, I don't believe we ever fully love ourselves but if you are loving on yourself you have a fighting chance and a lot of people love on themselves from the egoic, narcissistic, arrogant way and we here in United States are suckling on the nipple of narcissism. Oh my God, we are so narcissistic here in United States. I mean, from this, look at any time I see a picture of a woman's profiles and it's selfie, selfie, selfie, selfie, selfie to me, she's a narcissist because she's like, give me a, I need attention. I need attention, I need attention. Instagram is a perfect example of attention hound seeking validation because the reality is is most humans, most humans don't, you know the real issue is most humans feel alone. They feel alone. Ever since the dismantling of the family unit some 50, 60, 70 years ago, we no longer live in village. I'm gonna give her her props. She said it, it takes a village. When we stopped living in tribes and villages and then it was all we had was the family left and then now families are shrinking and they move apart and they're not there as a unit together, human beings are feeling alone and these stupid little devices gives us a portal to the whole world to say, look at me, look at me because truth is most humans are feeling very alone and what's interesting is I don't know if this is true for men, but I see women absolutely abused or absolutely narcissistic in their social media pages because it's all about, look at me, look at me, look at me, I need attention, I need attention, I need attention and then they vomit all their problems so they can get sympathy and sympathy and sympathy so they can get more and more attention. It's kind of like munchausen by proxy. You know, if I show how fucked up I am you're gonna love me more. That's not very sexy and attractive. What's sexy attractive is people that operate from this book, the four agreements, the four agreements, be impeccable with your word, don't project on to others, don't make assumptions and always do your best, but too many people are like, no, I need validation from the internet universe so I can feel good about myself and you wonder why the dating process is so fucking dysfunctional. Oh, there, I just said the F word finally. This is just some of the reasons why. Ah, so just to repeat, those five factors that make you addicted and we're gonna take Q and A in a second, the five factors that make you addicted, actions matching your words, you take personal responsibility for your choices, you have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness, you fight fair, it's not about being right, you have empathy for yourself and for others and lastly, you're transparent. If it's material to the relationship, you're going to share what's coming up. All right, I think this will be a great time to start to take questions. If you have a question for me and you're on the live stream, write the word question and then post your question there after it so I can find it or purchase a super sticker or a super chat and just as a reminder, all of the funds that I get from the super stickers and super chats goes to my foundation that I'm helping, it's building for my son Connor, there's a picture of him right there. He's my son who passed away a couple of years ago and that foundation is actually put into a fund to help support personal growth for others. So that's my eventual goal is I'm toying with, it's in honor of Connor is going to be the tagline in honor of Connor. So I hope to get that started within the next year. I got to come up with a thousand bucks just to do the legal paperwork. So anyway, so if you have a question, write the word question and let me scroll through. Oh, here we go. Hannah writes, question, I'm a 32 year old Muslim female. Do you have any advice for a person whose religion doesn't allow dating? That's an interesting one. So I didn't know Muslim religion doesn't allow dating. So what is dating? Dating is a vetting process to decide if you want to be in relationship with someone. What is a relationship? A relationship is a vetting process to decide if you want to be in partnered relationship with someone. So, you know, honestly, Hannah, I'm drawing a blank on this one. I don't know how to address that if you can't date because what is dating, but spending time to get to know another human being, that's what dating really is. So, and I don't know where you live. Do you live in the United States? I mean, I've worked with, I have a Muslim client and she dates. So I never heard that you're not allowed to date. Now I know you may not be allowed to sleep with someone and I know many Christians and other fates, you know, wait for marriage for sex, but I haven't heard that about dating. I'm gonna have to do a little research on that one. So for that one, please forgive me. I just don't have an answer for you on that one, but thank you, great question. Okay. Tracy just got a super sticker. Thank you so much. Tracy, if you have a question, post the word questions. So I can, if you have one, and thank you so much for that. Ava writes, it used to be courting. Now I wanna look at courting was around 100 years ago. Basically when a man saw a woman he knew and wanted to marry her, he would basically do some preliminary, you know, what's called courtship to prove himself to this woman. Okay. That's the way it used to be. And by the way, relationship back then, if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married and courtships lasted all of about six to eight weeks. I mean, literally 100 years ago, people got married that barely knew each other. This is why courting doesn't exist anymore, especially for midlife, because when you meet a total stranger, you don't know if you wanna marry them. You don't even know if you wanna date them or be in relationship, let alone marry them. So I don't subscribe to courting. I too believe though, two people should court each other by investing in each other and getting to know one another. So courting should be a two lane street where you're both mutually investing in getting to know one another. Now here's the challenge though. Most humans are terrible at the process of getting to know another human being. Let me repeat that. Most humans are terrible. How do I know this? Because I have a thriving coaching practice. One of the fundamentals I teach, there's three fundamentals I teach in my coaching practice. Determining true compatibility, what questions to ask to determine compatibility and how to vet for emotional maturity. Let me repeat that. Determine true compatibility, asking the right questions, are you compatible and then vetting for emotional maturity. The reason why I teach this is because the stupid fucking rules, the book, The Rules, create a narrative for all of you that attraction equals relationship, attraction and manipulation equals relationship success. Let me repeat that. Attraction and manipulation equals relationship success. And that's fucking bullshit. It doesn't work that way. It's when you have compatibility sparked with chemistry that you have a chance. And sadly, most people are dating from a place of chemistry. And by the way, you've heard this narrative from all the feminine energy coaches that when men know what they want, they go after it. Yeah, what do we fucking want? Excuse my French on that one. What do we want? You're a stranger. We want lust and we might be experiencing limerence. Lust and limerence. Lust means I wanna fuck your brains out. And limerence is I'm immaturally infatuated with you. Let me repeat that. I'm immaturally infatuated with you. So yes, we will go after that like a rocket ship and it takes off like a rocket ship. And then as soon as we get laid, all the gas is evaporated and the rocket comes crashing down. And that's when we ghost and disappear and do the back, I call it the dysfunctional moonwalk when we backpedal out of a relationship by sharing all of our dysfunctionality. By the way, dysfunctional moonwalk, Jonathan trademark. Okay. This is why so many times relationships take off for six weeks and crash and burn because you haven't vetted for true emotional maturity and if you need help with that in the description, there's a link to a free discovery call. Check out a call with me to see if, so I can teach you how to ask the right questions so you don't find out that you've just taken off like a rocket and crashed and burned. In fact, I just got a call from a client this past week who worked with me seven months ago, or excuse me, nine months ago. She's now moving in with a man she met three months after she went through my coaching program. She met a great guy and now they're moving in together. She was so excited and she wanted to tell me about it. And she said, thank you, thank you, thank you. In fact, Jonathan, if anyone needs to talk to me, I will tell you why your coaching practice is so superior from everyone else is because you taught me the real shit and not the bullshit that's being taught out there. So anyway, that's just my share on that. All right. I can feel you touching your nose right now. That's someone else. I thought that was for me. All right, question. What steps can I take to be less reactive based on my past traumas? Great question. Read this book over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, human beings will spend more time brushing their teeth, getting groomed, taking a shower, getting dressed every single day and they spend about this, let me time out, ladies never do this in front of a guy. I'm gonna say this much time. They spend barely enough time on personal development, self-help and spiritual work to shore up your past traumas. First, you gotta dig around and here's the thing. I'm a big proponent of therapy, but once a week talking to someone is not enough. 15 minutes to 30 minutes a day, if you're gonna brush your teeth and listen to an audio podcast on how to heal past traumas. If you're in the bathroom taking a dump, I'm in there for a half hour, I'm usually using this. Why not listen to a podcast on how to heal past traumas? If you're going for a walk, put on your earbuds and listen to an audio about past traumas and start doing the work and the tools that are recommended there. So look it, you can sit there and brush your teeth and go, oh, I have a happy life and pretend to have a happy life and be miserable with great teeth or you can do the inner work and Susan, this isn't directed to you, I'm saying this to everybody. If you want to heal from the past, you're gonna have to do work and do it every day. I've been at it for 15 years and I'm still scratching the surface of healing and my shit comes up all the time but I don't let it bring me down for days and days and days on end and I refuse to let it block me from attracting love. So that's my invitation for you. Do the work over and over and over and over again. Hope that helped. All right, how does a question from Sadie, how does a man really feel about sex with a woman in midlife who has children that are not his? What about scars, stretch marks, extra fat, is it off-putting? Okay, so Sadie, great question. We have two questions about being in relationship with someone who has children that's not his own and then you're talking about the physical. So let's talk about the children. So a lot of men can look at someone else's children as dependents and so a lot of men don't want to take on someone else's children, especially since we've been in, we've been so conditioned to be the provider protectors. So a lot of men don't feel comfortable taking on the responsibility of someone else's children. I'm not saying that's right or wrong, I'm just saying what it is. In addition, children get in the way of actually spending quality, can get in the way of spending quality time getting to know one another and some people might have a hard time spending time with someone else's children. I'll be candid with you all. Look at Connor who passed away. I think about my dating life and I don't know if I can, I'm being candid here. This is really hard for me. I'm having a hard time navigating the loss of my own son. I don't know how I'll feel if someone is entrenched with their, well, first off, I don't think I'm at a point in my life, I want to be with an empty nester. So if someone's raising children, I don't want to be there. But if someone was raising children, I don't think I could go there for that reason because it's a painful reminder. Now, can I get over that? Yeah, possibly, most likely I will. But I'm just sharing, there are multiple reasons why someone may not want to take on that role. Now, there's plenty of people that have young children and want to take on that role. So it's a mixed bag on that one. I can just tell you that, and I'm a big proponent that family is an important part of the dating and mating and relating process. So introduce your children. Once you're in a fully committed relationship with someone that actually has some legs to it, introduce your children. Now, as far as stretch marks, extra fat scars. So, you know, back when I was in my 40s, I once dated a woman who was 15 years older than me. I was in my early 40s, she was 15 years older than me. So that would make her my age about now. She had saggy boobs and wrinkles and scars and that didn't bother me one bit because I thought she was gorgeous. So, you know, when a man is smitten by a woman, all that stuff doesn't matter. It goes out the window and quite frankly, our eyes are closed in the bedroom most of the time anyway. So I don't think I'd make a big deal about it. And yet sadly, most women get hyper focused on body image issues because we've been indoctrinated with Cosmo and Vogue and everything else, telling women how unattractive they are. We have a whole plastic surgery industry that's convincing women to change their looks. And then we have these stupid fucking Snapchat filters that changes your looks that are so, oh my God, when I see a grown woman who has a Snapchat filter with all that crap on her head, I'm like, and they email me on a dating app and I'm like, I'm sorry, I cannot be with a child. I don't think, I don't care how funny you might think that is. That to me is so ridiculously immature. Now that's just my feeling on it. Other men might feel differently, but I just can't be with a person that finds and tries to change their body in such a way to make themselves attractive. Look at my mother. Look at this woman right here. My mother, God bless her soul. By the time I was born, she probably weighed, she was five foot five and weighed 300 pounds. And I mean, my mom was fat. I'm gonna say the words. I mean, I can call her to my mom. I mean, to me, that was fat. And she walked around like she was the most beautiful woman on the planet. She had such inner confidence within herself. Now, the fact that she over ate, it was because she had some trauma in her life after she met my father because she was stunning here. Oh, that's in my mom and dad in their 20s. But when you have inner confidence, I've seen some women who by relationship standards would be considered a four or a five. My mom walked around like she was a 10. It's inner confidence that brings that out. Or maybe inner arrogance, but whatever it is, my mom had it. And so don't worry about it because it's not off-putting to a guy who's totally into you. Great question, Sadie. Thank you so much. Tracy writes, God bless you, Jonathan. Thank you for your great advice. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Wait a minute. Bear with me. Okay, Carol. Questioning, I have a friend that would like to start dating me. There is not a lot of chemistry, but he's one of my best friends. Do you think chemistry can develop? So I have often heard that chemistry can develop. In fact, I've heard it kind of said like this. Men fall in love through their eyes or pupils and women fall in love between their ears. I can tell you, I've interviewed hundreds of women in happy relationship. And I mean hundreds of women in happy relationship. And nearly one third of them have told me. And I quote, I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first, second, or third date. What happened? Something changed. She fell in love with who he was. And then actually the chemistry started to bubble and percolate from that. Now, is that always the case? No, not always the case. But I can tell you that it can happen. And certainly when you have someone that you have some compatibility with, blendable lifestyles and shared values along with emotional maturity. Unless, look it, unless he's a missing teeth and he's got a beer gut the size of Texas, no disrespect to Texas. You know, go for it. You've got nothing to lose. If you like each other, it's just spending time. And look it, you know, either something builds or it doesn't, when you love on yourself, it doesn't matter what happens to the relationship. What matters most is, are you loving yourself in the process? And that's my invitation for you. So Carol, absolutely give it a chance. You never know. It might work out, it might not. Look at Harry Met Sally. You know, when they first met each other, they were like this, right? If you remember the movie when Harry met Sally, they were like this. And eventually as their friendship grew, they fell in love with each other. And honestly, look at my, going back to my mom and dad, I once asked my dad, you know, dad, mom was fat. Why didn't you cheat on her? Or did you cheat on her? And he said, no. And he goes, why? Because I fell in love with who she was. You know, maybe that physical attraction went away, but that the serotonin from the love they had made him want to stay more and more and more. And my mom's confidence just exuded that she literally walked into the room like Elizabeth Taylor. That's how my mom walked into a room like Elizabeth Taylor. She just, she had that inner confidence and my dad found that incredibly attractive. So maybe if this man has a little bit of, he's a good guy with a little bit of edge, you might feel the same way. So give it a chance, Carol. You got nothing to lose, I guess. Or I think. All right. Let's see what else we have here. Carol, it depends. Have you known him a long time and not interested in sex yet? Then almost not. Look at, unless you're grossed out, I'm gonna kind of continue with this one. Unless you're grossed out by the guy, which by the way, and men feel grossed out by women too. This isn't singular. Unless you're totally grossed out, if it's just, you're not feeling chemistry, yes, it can, you can grow it, okay? It can grow. But most of the time, by the way, I would say it's one out of three chance. Hey, you know what, that's enough odds. I'd take the chance. Especially if you got nothing better going on. At least that's my invitation for you. All right. Hannah writes, questioning, why are men so afraid of women who are inexperienced in the bedroom? Are they afraid to learn together with their female partner? Wait a minute, I wanna read this again. Why are men so afraid of women who are inexperienced in the bedroom? Are they afraid to learn together with their female partner? Well, okay. First off, I've never heard of a man being afraid of a woman who's inexperienced. Now, a woman who might be timid, might be frigid, might be cold, is not afraid, it's a turn off. So I wanna differentiate between fear and possibly a turn off. Someone inexperienced could be a turn off to someone. And there might be a reluctancy to teach your partner, especially when there's a lot, because it's a very uncomfortable subject to talk about. I mean, how do you, look at some people have a real hard time expressing their needs, wants, and desires in the bedroom, especially what they like. I mean, it's so funny. I've heard this from women before. I think I've been told this myself. Jonathan, stop going down on me the way you're going down on me because I, whatever you learn. Oh, all right, let me stop for a second. I wanna tell a little story here. So about 30 years ago, I saw Sam Kinnison in concert, Sam Kinnison in concert. He's the guy that used to yell, he died. But he told the audience. He goes, I'm gonna teach all you guys a technique on how to get your woman to orgasm. I'm gonna teach you the ABCs, the ABCs. And he goes, the next time you go down on a woman, I want you to, with your tongue, just start spelling out the alphabet. L-A-E-C-D-E-F-G, just keep going. And by the time you get to L-O-M-N-O-P, she should have orgasm by now, but let's say she hasn't. And you get to X, Y, and Z, she hasn't. Well, then while you're down there, start writing a letter to Santa. Dear Santa. And everybody in the audience is laughing. And he goes, you know what, guys? You think that's funny, but you're never gonna forget this the next time you go down on a woman. And guess what happened? Ever since then, I've always done my ABCs, but I'll never forget one woman told me, she literally said, Jonathan, stop doing the ABCs on me. I'm like, how did she know? She saw the Sam Kinnison content. And then she told me what she liked. By the way, it seems to work 99 out of 100 times. So that one time it didn't. My point is, it's very uncomfortable to tell people what we like in the bedroom. It feels very strange. We almost kind of have this expectation that people have evolved to being good lovers and good partners in the bedroom. This is one of the reasons why do I have the book? I didn't pull it out. I definitely recommend the book, the book by David Data called, Oh God, what's it called? Love Letter. There's a couple, it's a sensuality book from David Data. I highly recommend checking out that. That's actually a really good book. But listen, I don't think it's fear that men are experiencing. It might just be a turn off. I've never heard of fear. So please forgive me on that one. I hope I helped on that answer. Okay. Kristen writes, I can't stand filters that change your looks. Amen. Must have puppy ears on Snapchat. Ah, that's what I think of that. Any of those filters make me crazy. Okay, we're done with doing those. All right, let's see what other questions. Is there a video issues going on? I hope not. Let me know if there's any video issues. Okay, Susan writes, I met a man online on a online date site. How long does it take for him to wanna meet me in person? So I'm gonna teach you all my three, two, one, three rule. Three, two, one, three. Basically when you meet someone online, you should have roughly about three email or text exchanges, you know, back and forth. And what I mean is you might have that first initial email and they send you an issue. Then you have another email and they send you one. You have another one. That should lead to a phone call. And the two, so that's three. And then the two is it should take one or two phone calls to lead to one meeting. And all of this should take three weeks, okay? Any longer than that, you're pressing into the danger zone. And what I mean by the danger zone, people who are lonely or bored, catfishers, users, that sort of thing. You wanna immediately go from communication to meeting as soon as possible. Now some of you might say, well, it's a long distance relationship. Well, guess what? Then you're gonna have to deal with a lot of bullshit with long distance. Then guess what? Get onto a Zoom call or a FaceTime call and start communicating with them. Because you don't know if this is a catfish, a scam or whatever. You wanna immediately see them use these devices right away to see them, to see if they're real. And then schedule something right away. Three, two, one, three. Three email exchanges, two telephone, no more than two phone calls, one date, all happens within three weeks. I hope that helps, Susan. That's my invitation for you anyway. Joy writes, are older women who have never been married or couldn't have children are seen as less desirable? I still long for another solid relationship. You know what's interesting, Joy? I literally, I love this question. So yesterday, on my match.com profile, I decided to do a filter for women never married and no children. And just to my surprise, there were a lot of women. And let me tell you why. Because first off, I would prefer to date an empty nester anyway, because I just don't want to, I'm at a point in my life where I wanna play and have fun, I've raised my children, I lost a child. I wanna be in play mode. So number one. So if they don't have children or empty nester, but they're never married, I thought to myself, well, a lot of people think people have been never married or fucked up. And my feeling is people are never married are smarter than the average bird. Because by the way, 75% of singles over 45 years old are divorced. And being divorced doesn't make you any more qualified being in a relationship that someone's never been married. But then I thought to myself, well, someone never married. They don't have the contentious spouse. They don't have the drama that I don't have to deal with alimony and child support and visitation rights and all that kind of stuff. So, and maybe they're gonna be a little more appreciative hitting midlife. So, my invitation for you is don't be afraid because a guy like me was just doing a search of the never married, no children bracket, just out of curiosity. And there's lots of women in that category. By the way, I'm okay with someone divorced or never married or widower and that sort of thing. Provided that they are fully divorced, provided they haven't had a significant relationship in over a year, provided there's not a lot of drama and baggage going on. In fact, in a moment I'll share with you the most important question I ask, my new first and most important question I ask before ever meeting a woman. All right, in fact, before we take Leah's call, or I'm gonna share with you the most important question I now ask and that is, please tell me, or would you be open to sharing what personal development work, self-help and spiritual work you've done to heal childhood wounds and traumas? What personal development work, self-help and spiritual work have you done to heal childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas? Now, if a woman hears that and gets turned off, she's not my gal, right off the bat. If she gets offended by it, she's not my gal. If she doesn't understand the question, she's not my gal, okay? The woman I meet has to have had done personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Otherwise, we are not gonna be on the same wavelength because I'm not here to train someone to grow up emotionally. And sadly, 97% of the human population has weak emotional skills at best. 97 have weak emotional skills at best. And to me, the people have done the personal development, self-help and spiritual work on a daily basis have a greater chance of being in an interpersonal relationship that can be juicy, delicious and healthy at the same time. So my invitation for you is what's your big question? You're gonna ask a guy or girl, or excuse me, woman, please forgive the girl analogy, woman, before you ever meet them. That is something I encourage you all to do. And if you need some support on that, reach out to me. If you need more help, I highly recommend the book, Are You The One For Me by Barbara DeAngelis. Are You The One For Me? I love this book because it teaches you all the really important things to understand compatibility or check out a link to a free discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise to teach you how to vet for emotional maturity. I hope this is sinking in. Ah, Leaf, oh, Lee, excuse me. Question, I started a guy with a daughter. He wants to introduce me to her only after a short time of dating, too fast in my opinion. Why is he so fast? How do I tell him without setting him off? Well, first I'd wanna know why you feel that's too fast, okay? Do you feel uncomfortable meeting his daughter? Number one, do you feel like your relationship isn't solid enough on the ground to meet his daughter? I wanna know from you, why is it that you're reluctant? Let's not focus on him, let's focus on you. Now the fact, look it, I mean a woman, I get excited, I get enthusiastic. I wanna introduce them to people in my life if I think we have potential. So his reasoning for it is not uncommon, it's very common for humans to wanna do that. My real question is why are you reluctant? Now, you might have very valid reasons, that's okay. But if you're dating, sleeping together and exploring a relationship, then go for it. And if you have a problem with it, then I invite you to look inside to say what's your resistance and focus on that instead of focusing on him. Let me repeat that, focus on that instead of focusing on him. Because here's the problem, you know what I talked about, victim consciousness? Victim consciousness is also, it's all about them and not about me. That's victim consciousness as well. It's all about them and it's not about me. It is always about you. So my invitation, I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, I just wanna say, why not explore why you feel that way instead of focusing what he's doing? Focus on why you're feeling that way. That's my invitation for you. Great question. Oh my God, I can't even come close to saying your name, but GT, GT. I'm going, question, I'm going through divorce, his five year relationship, I'm going through divorce. His five year relationship ended. He asked for relationship and I told him I can only have sex now. I'm in love with him and I'm too scared to tell him what can I do? All right, I don't understand your question because you're saying I can only have sex with him, but I'm in love with him, but I'm scared of him. What are you scared of? Why is it you only want sex? And you're going, you know, this one confuses me. Can you post a question that really illustrates what you want an answer to because you really didn't give me a question. You gave me a statement that makes no sense. So please forgive me on that one. And I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense. Okay. Joy says, thank you for your positive input. You're very welcome. I really, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Jonathan, what do you answer when a guy asks you why you're still single? I just did a video on this. It's called, Jonathan, why aren't you married? So it's two videos ago. Go back to my video and look this up. Why aren't you married? But here's the bottom line. When someone says, why are you still single? It's a really simple answer. I just haven't met my guy yet. I just haven't met my person yet. I just haven't met my person yet. I just haven't met my person yet. I just haven't met my person yet. When people ask you, it's like almost saying what the fuck is wrong with you when people say that. Look, I'm single and people will say, well, you're a dating relationship coach. You should, you know, why, if you can't find love then nobody else can find love. Look it, we're all on our journey and the timing, you know, I can meet the love of my life tomorrow a month from now or 10 years from now. It's not, the journey is the experience and not the destination. So I'm here to say the simple answer is you just haven't met your person yet. That's it. And have a cocktail on me. All right. 64 likes but 245 people are watching. Okay, all right, everybody right at this moment like my video, if you like this content, if you've been watching this long, please hit the like button because it improves the algorithms within YouTube and more people get to see this. So I wanted an explosion of likes right now. And if you do that, I'll give you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of appreciation. So thank you, Leif for sharing that. You know, it's interesting. I've been kind of wondering about what's the real problem with humans today. And I shared this earlier is this absolute desperate need for attention and the internet and social media create an outlet for people to be absolutely narcissistic. Men and women alike, we are suckling on the nipple of the need for validation. And this is particularly true in the dating, mating or relating realm where we literally operate from the premise, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Let me repeat that. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself and a perfect example about this is one needy behavior I see with a lot of women that are asking questions of their boyfriends. I need you to call me more often. I need you to call me more often. I need you to call me more often. I need you to let me know. See, that's demonstrating a lack of I need validation from you to let me know we're in a series commitment relationship. I need constant validation because here's the real problem. And if you stayed this long, I highly recommend listening to this piece because this is critically important. The problem with midlife dating today once two people meet, bond and have sex is they have no fucking clue how to build a healthy happy relationship. Let me repeat that. They have no fucking clue how to build a healthy happy committed relationship with one another because the primary reason why people married in their youth was to make babies and raise a family so that family can take care of them when they're older. Because in midlife, that doesn't exist. So the problem is commitment, commitment. Start listening up to this right now. So for example, not too long ago I got a woman that called me and she says she's in a relationship with a guy it's been nine or 10 months. And she goes, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. As if saying it louder was actually describing what commitment look like. Ladies and gentlemen, you guys don't know what commitment looks like. And if you can't describe what it looks like to me then how can you ever know what you want from a partner? How can you ever know what you want from a partner? So this is why I highly recommend reading this book, Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. This is the handbook to creating a healthy, happy relationship. And before the penis goes inside the vagina, ladies, in the future, I highly recommend reading this book and then buying two copies of it. Two copies of it and give him this book and say, look, if you wanna fuck me then you gotta read this book with me. Because I'm not going to explore a relationship with you unless I know you're legit. And if you wanna prove it to me, then buy this book. Now some of you might be going, oh my God, it's gonna scare men away. Yes, scare the wrong men away. Scare the wrong men away. Because the bullshit rules manipulation game ain't working because while you might temporarily enter into a relationship, it's going to implode until you learn the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And let me just tell you this. I am getting emails after emails after emails from women who've been listening to this advice. And they say, Jonathan, I bought two copies of the book and oh my God, that my boyfriend is loving it. Because now you can have real conversations about relationships instead of winging it. Everybody's winging it, they're just winging it. They have no fucking clue and men are clueless. This is why I tell women all the time you are the emotional leaders of the relationship. I know how much of you wanna be claimed and have men to be chivalrous and you just sit back in that feminine energy because it magically works out like magic fairy dust or you can start being a fucking grown up in relationship. And this is why I highly recommend reading this book. How to be an adult in relationship. We have children dating these days. And by the way, 97% of the people watching this, I believe are children. I'm still a child, but in a different way. I'm here to say, start doing the work if you wanna have a healthy, happy relationship. Stop being passive and believing that a man knows what he's doing. Now, listen, most men are good guys. Most men are good guys, most men are good guys. They're bad daters, but they're good guys. This is why, and by the way, men can be trained. I know you don't like the idea that wouldn't you rather train your guy to being the perfect boyfriend instead of expecting it and being disappointed over and over and over and over again. You can train guys by just setting your standards and having healthy boundaries. Let me repeat that, set your standard. So let me give you an example of a, oh shit, my armpit stains. Let me give you an example of a standard. This is my standard, okay? You're more than welcome to use this. In fact, I have a lot of people that are using this. My standard is simply this. I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, being partners for one another, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either living together or getting married. That is my standard. Now, if someone says, well, look, I only have time to see you once every other week, you don't fit my standard. When you set your standards of what you want, then choose people that want to be in that same category than you, rather than hoping that magic fairy dust will make everything work out because it so supposedly does. Start pulling your heads out of your ass and start learning this shit. Because you have only yourself to blame. If by the way, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting different results. This is why I highly recommend reading Barbara DeAngelis book, How to Make Love All the Time. This isn't a sex book. This is a book of how to really connect with another human being. But it starts by connecting with yourself. And sadly, most humans don't know how to do that. That's why this is my Bible book. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head. I highly recommend this. By the way, I've been getting complaints by people saying, Jonathan, all you do is talk about books. That's because for roughly 150 bucks, you can change your life in the next 12 months. Rather than dropping $25,000 on a coaching program, that's gonna teach you how to be in your feminine energy so you can lean back for these magnificent men which only represents a small percentage of the population because most people are fucked up. I've been on a rant. Oh, I'm feeling beclenched. Okay. What does anyone have to say about what I've been talking about? Let's hear what people have to say. Hi Jay, train the guy. That's good name for a new book. I like that. We all need help, communicate our standards and to know healthy boundaries, exactly. Oh, here's Goulash of New York. Goulash, fuck, I know New York. I'm afraid to tell him I can start a relationship with him. I have a fear of rejection. I know he likes me too, but how can I understand that he wants a relationship with me and not just sex? Great question. So ladies, what do all men think about on a first date? What are we thinking about? We're thinking about sex. I think about sex. Every high quality guy, low value guy, all guys think about sex. The difference is how do they operate? Do they operate from a place of genuinely care about their feelings or are they caring about your feelings or are they pushing their own agenda? Men who push their own agenda often are in it for the short run. Men who genuinely care about your feelings, they demonstrate it through kindness, care and understanding of your feelings are typically the ones that are gonna go the distance. So I'm here to say is, recognize that all men are thinking about sex. That's our agenda. This is why there's an old saying, men are the gas, women are the brakes. If you want to see, then spend about a hundred hours of face to face time to truly get to know each other at level one before you ever consider sex. Roughly about a hundred hours of face to face time to get to know someone at level one, that's one suggestion. Even though the typical norm is three date role that I have sex, I'm here to say, invest about 10 dates with one another. Some spend about 10 dates to see if you're actually truly compatible, share the same values, have blendable lifestyles and determine emotional maturity. And then let chemistry take off. That's my invitation for you. Christian writes, I don't like many dating coaches because they have us feeling paranoid that we're always doing something wrong. You know, there is no such, great question or great post by the way, there is no such thing as wrong because everything is a learning lesson. What I don't appreciate about it is the bullshit narrative about basically that men are the leaders of the relationship and women do nothing. I'm here to say, if you want a healthy, happy relationship from the first date, treat it like a two lane street. That's my invitation for you. Show up the way you want to be treated instead of expecting to be treated a certain way. Show up the way you want to be treated. And that's the problem I have with a lot of the feminine energy coaches. It's all teaching princess energy and submissive energy which will backfire in the long run. That's my perception anyway. Thank you so much for your question. I appreciate that. Leif writes, Jonathan, question. Jonathan, is it what, wait, is it, is your what you want in your partner mission statement on your website? I think it would be great example or template to create your own. Nope, it's right here in my head. I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, being in partnership with one another both personally and professionally, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to moving in together, getting married. By the way, my bulletin board's right there. I'm not gonna show it to you. But let me read to you some of the things on my bulletin board. My true love. We have mutual adoration for each other. We have mutual respect for each other. We feel safe with each other. We feel rooted together. We both appreciate fun and spontaneity. We are both givers and team works in relationship. We both seek depth and growth. We both seek intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. We both appreciate flexibility and we both appreciate love and laughter. And that's just the name of you plus fucking our brains out on a regular basis. So I have it on my bulletin board. Write what you want on your bulletin board. That's my invitation for you. Great question, Lee. Thank you. All right. Shirley writes, healing, childhood pains is very important. Yes, yes, yes. Lisa writes, oops, where did it go? Question, is it acceptable to ask men about their past relationships, failed trauma early on a date? You know what? So I have a different philosophy. I feel like I've got nothing to lose to go very deep right in the beginning. So I'm gonna share with you all something that it's a meme that I love. So bear with me. The meme says, here it is, the meme. Can you see that? I hate small talk. I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite set, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth with a twisted mind. Who speak with a twisted, wait, I like depth? Who speak with, wait, I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Here's my thing is, I go for the fucking jugular. Let me just tell you something. I know you've all been taught the stupid rules book and everything else, don't interview a man on a date. I say, fuck that shit, interrogate the motherfucker. You wanna drill him, you're a drill sergeant, you wanna drill him. Now, I say this tongue in cheek, but I do actually mean it. What I mean to say is you do interview him. He's interviewing for the job of your boyfriend and you're interviewing, it should be interviewing for the job of his girlfriend or partner. So I believe in treating it just like a job interview. By the way, we can all follow the narrative. Just have fun, it's about having a good time, just have fun, let's just have a good time. Don't focus on that, focus on a good time and here's what happens. You're just having a good time, a good time, a good time and six weeks go by and you start having sex together only to have six weeks later, have them do. I'm not ready for a relationship. How many fucking times do we have to learn this stupid lesson that you actually have to assume most people are fucked up? So you better uncover it sooner before the penis ever goes inside the vagina. Ask deeper questions, ask about that and here's how you remember I said the second most important factor to men to dictate to you, you're seeking, do they take ownership in their ending of their relationship or do they play the victim? How many of you men and women are victims in your marriage? Well, my ex-husband cheated and he was a narcissistic and he was abusive and this and that. I'm like, you stayed with him and that gives you a badge of, does that give you the badge of martyrism? Come on, you've got to take ownership in your part. But I love him so much. Well, no you didn't, you were attached to him or her. This is why I highly recommend reading these two books. If you want to heal, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Attached by Amir Levine and Helen Hunt or Rachel Heller, this is with Helen Hunt, okay? The Attached is learning love attachment style. The Amago is learning why we keep choosing our parents over and over and over again. If you want to heal, then do the work first. So then when you're dating, you can ask these questions from an attitude as I don't give a shit. By the way, chapter five in my book is called Don't Let Anyone Fuck With Your Cheat. See my son Conor there? He had this amazing ability to not let anyone fuck with his cheat. You know, if people were angry at him upset or whatever, he just, he was like Teflon. He did not let it bother him. He had, I think the reason why he passed away so early because he learned whatever lesson he needed to learn this go around. But he had this ability to not let anyone affect how he felt about himself. And my invitation for everybody is to recognize that it's when you love on yourself, you can ask serious questions and it doesn't matter how what someone else thinks of you because you care about yourself. And let me tell you something. The right man, the right man or woman appreciates depth and egoic people, what I mean by egoic people we are fucking suckling on the nipple of narcissism here in the United States. In fact, Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote the book, Ypres Love said today's American is the most narcissistic data on the planet. They want the best of everything but they show up as weak individuals. This is paraphrasing what she said. Here's the deal, when you love on yourself and you will operate from a premise of strength or a position of strength and you won't care about asking those deeper questions and the right guy will appreciate it, okay? That's my invitation for you. I hope that helped. Nicole, Jay, you are so funny and so real. Question, how do you stay motivated to keep going on dating apps? How do I stay motivated? You know what, I love this question. So I wanna tell you all a little story and I was in a significant relationship from 2011 to 2017, it was six years on and off. And I remember our first breakup. I was a train wreck. I'm crying and I'm blaming her for everything. She doesn't love me and blah, blah, blah. I was a fucking mess and I reached out to a mutual friend of ours and I'm like, why can't she be better and why can't she be this? And I was pointing the finger at her and I said, I don't wanna love anymore. And he said, Jonathan, love is a risk but it's still the best game in town. What motivates me to be on the dating apps? And I only spend 15 minutes on any given day swiping and looking. And by the way, I'm great. I'm blessed that I get more emails than I do responses from my emails. So, and I can be choosy. I can be choosy. And what I mean to say is when you have options it gives you the problem is we can be too choosy but I spend 15 minutes a day. I haven't interacted with someone in days because no one has striked my fancy. By the way, I'm gonna be candid with you ladies. Most of the online dating profiles are fucking garbage. I mean, men and women alike the women's profiles are so fucking terrible. I mean, I can see attraction from them but I think how, if you don't care enough to put really quality effort then how much effort are you gonna put into a relationship? That's my first test of a woman. Quality relationship means she's gonna make effort in a relationship. Most profiles are fucking crap. I bet you 99 out of every 100 women here listening to this I could look at your dating profile if you're on a dating profile and I will tell you it's most likely crap. So, I just don't bother. When someone strikes my fancy, I put in effort. Sadly, a lot of women put terrible effort in here because you've been so trained that men are supposed to do all the work. And I'm like, no, you've got to impress me. If you wanna get my attention you better do something to impress me other than saying, hi, I love those. When I get the bumble messages and a woman says, hi, I write, hi back. And then it's silent because they don't know what to do because the depth of a woman is high that's the best she can do. I'm like, bye, because I lose interest. I'm attracted to an effusive, demonstrative woman who takes time and says, hey, Jonathan I really appreciate your profile and I think you look great in that photograph and I love the books. Have you read the book blank, blank, blank? By the way, I hope you have a great day. That at least makes some effort then hi with a little handshake. Anyway, how do I get motivated? Because guess what? Love is the best game in town and I think it's worth it. And I refuse to give up to the negative narrative or the bad experiences that I've had in my life to bring me down. And that's what love will do. And when you love on yourself, it doesn't matter because it's just, I haven't met my right person yet. All right, you know what? I think this would be a good place to wrap up today. It's a holiday weekend. I wanna thank all of you for being on this live. Have you hit that like button yet? Please hit that like button. I'd be so grateful. Please tell your friends about my channel. I really appreciate all the love and support. And by the way, thank you all for the love and support this week for my son Connor. It was his birthday on Monday. He would have turned 20s too. And so many of you reached out with really beautiful comments to me and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me because the hardest thing about a parent who lost a child is the feeling that your child has forgotten. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the love and support because there is no more horrific thing in life than losing a child. I'm sure, look it, I lost my mom, but that's the natural of order of things. I've lost friends my own age, but when the child goes, it goes against the natural order. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. And as I've said to you, Connor before, thank you. Your leaving taught me the greatest lesson of all. And that is to love on myself, love on others and most importantly, be grateful. And so my invitation for every one of you as Connor's birthday wishes I shared earlier this week is to be grateful for yourself and others because we are very blessed here. And let's stop this bullshit narrative of giving our power away and listening to manipulative tools, focus on yourself, love, and everything else will happily, magically fall into place. And I mean that with all sincerity. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. I'm gonna wrap up today. I wanna wish you all a fantastic weekend. I'm gonna, by the way, please post a comment below if any of this resonated with you. If you have a question, if you're watching, if you've gotten this far in the replay and I wanna give you all a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.