 So, this streamlives.js updated, so I don't know now if things have changed defaults or some shit, like, I'm just hoping everything functions. You'll see, eventually. Eventually. Wait, oh, there you go. All right. Things look like they're working. That's something. Still not seeing anything. Oh, I think that's up to you. People are gonna be so confused. Like, you do know this is not a Saturday. I mean, like, what? Not only is it not a Saturday, it's just a completely different time. I just didn't notice. I just, I literally just asked all of you five, hey, you want to do a stream and you were like, yeah. That was it. Yeah, love to do a stream. Have a good time. What's going on here? Yeah, I know. Yeah, the chat's already doing it. You have me at gunpoint, you liar. This is the most necessary eFap of all time. Had to be done. Never before has an eFap needed to happen. Well, it's an exclusive. You don't see many people who've survived Gollum getting to talk about their story. How they did it. What happened? What Gollum did to them? What I've seen, I wouldn't know how you did do it. A lot of people didn't do it. The Lord of Ring. I wish I hadn't survived. Yeah, you know, it would have been nice just to... What was he doing when he died? Oh, he was playing his Lord of the Ring game. It was funny because I had no intention of playing this and then I saw Az played it. Then I saw Jay Longbone play it. Blaming Maul is like, oh, I know my time is running out. Did take a bit of an arch, but you fell right up for that Gollum cliff into his arms. Yeah. What an experience that has been. To help people understand, a compilation has been made of many of the events of this game, from myself, Az, Metal, and later Jay Longbone's streams. You know, there's been a lot of trauma. There's been a lot of struggle. There's been a lot of, you know, growth. Yeah, growth. You want to come to understand a lot of things. But for those who really have no idea, they're like, what the hell is happening here? Sorry for this strange hour, but trust me, this was literally the only slot left. We tried all of them. This was the only one we had left that fits everybody. And I say fits very broadly. I am alive at this time. Yeah, each of the people here were alive at the time. That's what was important. So, you know, you get this, even though I claimed several times over that first, there would never be an EFAP on it. Second, that I would never have anyone play it. And third, that I would never complete it. I claimed all of these things. You lied in every single instance. How dare you? They were not said as lies. The right hell is a good intention. Yeah, I was just trying to do the right thing. Not finishing Golem is a good intention. Yes. So, see people are complaining about the time, but it's like, you can watch it whenever you want, all right? But these people here, this was the only time that could work. What do you read these people? These disgusting creatures is what I meant. So, a bit of history, a little bit of history. They released Lord of the Ring Golem. It was not very great. There was no expectation of it being great. Honestly, I traced a bit of the lead up. And it was kind of a nightmarish production that nobody would ever want to have to deal with, I think. It got reset several times. It's been disappointing. Any kind of like releases ahead of time. Everything you see to do with it, you're just like, why? Why make a Golem game? What's the point? And then you're like, it could work. Mahler, people have been clamoring for a Golem game for years now. The huddled masses yearning to break free of the standardization of Lord of the Rings games where you play as Aragorn, or Legolas, or Gimli, or like, oh, Soldier Warrior. No, enough of that. It's time to break the mold. This is what Tolkien would have wanted, a Golem game. You really do want it? Hold on a game. If they did have access to the IP and they used it for this. It is amazing. How many studios would clamor and just pay anything to get the Lord of the Rings branding? Isn't it always like a pain in the ass to actually get any licensing for a lot of the Rings at all? As far as I'm aware, yeah, I thought it was. It sounds like it is, because whenever you hear about Rings of Power and stuff like that, you only get parts of the mythos to work with. You only get the rights to certain elements of the fiction. So there's entire characters and events and times. They call Gandalf in this game. Did they call him by name? No, Gandalf is said in the game at least once. All of us highlight it because we're like, oh, if he's called Gandalf, then why aren't you calling him Gandalf instead of Wizard? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Maybe my question is, is it like a buffet when it comes to the Lord of the Rings copyright? Do you go in there? And depending on what you get, that's how much you pay for. So stuff like Aragorn, Legolas. That will be really expensive, but you'll be like, okay, we can get Gollum. He's pretty cheap, but I can't. It depends on the age that you're doing and the characters that appeared in that age. Because if you do like the third age, then you've got access to so many of them. Like the first age or the second age, then you have you buy the third age bundle. It's expensive, but you get a lot of stuff to work with if you buy the third age bundle. And, you know, if maybe you have to pay to be able to say the word Gandalf, maybe just to show him. And then if you want more than I have paid more or whatever. But I was already thinking, imagine a Gandalf game from these guys. It would be you clunkily walk. You have one move where he goes, huh, and the staff goes forward and a blue light heads forward and a little blue light. Yeah. Nice and slow. And then yeah, we really clunkily. Lock every enemy. Whenever it gets hit by the blue thing is, oh, and it flinches and you can just stagger lock every single enemy. Yeah. And when they run out of health, they have like two frames and they fall down, you know, and then they have the same one, maybe two death animations. And you can upgrade your character where he'll do 5% more damage per level. And there's three levels. That's easy. Yeah, that's nice and easy. Yeah, that's that's an easy way to make your health go up a little bit. Yeah, wait for the shitty Gandalf platforming. That's going to be great. And like, Gandalf was famous for his platforming. Yeah, he can jump. I think actually in the Fellowship of the Ring, he was de-platformed. Oh, true. And he was able to get back. I can picture one of the great unlockable moves would be self heal. And he just does the exact same animation as that first animation, but it's green instead and doesn't fire a projectile and your health goes up. Oh, yeah, that's right. Same animation. His staff goes forward. And maybe if you're, maybe if you're lucky, if they have the time, a little green, something comes out of your body, like a little like a sprite comes out of your body and your health goes up. Gandalf platformer just gives me vibes of an old flash game. Like someone, someone really liked, someone really liked the Lord of the Rings. And then they were like, I'm going to make a silly flash game where like, you know, he falls off the branch because of Doom, right? And then, you know, it turns into a 2D sprite game. You just have to platform back up. And that would be incredible. And off platformer was in progress. So because that first movie we were talking about, it would be like your wizard strike. It would be a really unsuitable shit name. And then it's like unlock flames of undone later. And you're like, oh, and what's that? And it's like, it's the exact same animation. It's just red. And it does double damage. I could this team, I would actually see them being like, wow, that's clever. Instead of one, that's a good question. Who the fuck made this? Uh, Daedalic, who we did it. Sorry. I had loads of people in chat depressed as hell because they like some of the games from them previously, but I'm pretty sure it's like a gutted team. Like this isn't the same team anymore. But as far as I understand, they made the point and click. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, so they're no longer there. Oh, yeah. What the hell are they doing in a game like this? Bioware or something now. They're sort of like that level of... Oh, no. Well, they've made, like for anybody who doesn't know, this is now one of the most infamously shit games. It's just joined the league. There's not that many. There's more in existence than there are in the league, but you have to do something special to get in. Like Forespoken is in there, I guess, and Hunt Down the Freeman is another great example. I was going to say, like, what about historical ones? And it's like, it wasn't the ET game on like Ness or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so many. And yeah, Sonic 06 is probably another one. And you just don't want to join that league, but it can't resist. It's been drawn in and it earned its spot. It really did. So, yeah. So don't... Yeah, this will be this week's EFAP. So, yeah, we hit 2.40. 10 left till the anniversary. Oh, my. How incredibly exciting. We're of it every day. We draw closer to another area. You guys better get that sleep in. You better get some sleep done. I'll start building it up now. Building a little sleep battery. In any case, we will discuss what is in the game in the form of using a video that has been edited up by none other than Mr. Wolf himself. He's been watching and he's been, he's stitched together a lot of the streams to create a highlights reel. He has not played it himself. What does he ever intend to? I don't think. But this is... Well, you have the pleasure of watching this game like four times. Yeah. He's vicariously played it, hasn't he? He did let me know how fun he thought that was. So for me, this is going to be like a new thing, because I've not played this game and I don't actually know that much about it. I've only seen snippets of hilarity. Yeah. I've watched some of the stream on it and even I could only handle so much of the stream of it. Passively consuming this game was pretty painful. Oh, I feel so bad for you. So proud to know that you could do it. I just want to say, someone in chat said, legit thought this thumbnail was golemnailed to the cross. You died for our sins. It's not far off. It's not far off. I wanted that to be the ending. That would be way better. Golem on a cross. And on the third day, he rose. It's like kill bird, let bird live, crucify golem. That's the three options. Golem arise. The Pharisees won the argument. Golem won the argument. Right. Yeah. We'll get into all of those things. Don't you worry. Oh, man. I heard like straightforward summary of like what golem is as a video game. Shit. There we go. We're not like what is what type of game it is. It is a stealth platform. Oh my God. Yeah, you're right. That is what it is. Yes, you're right. Yes, you're right. Now that's a stealth platform. Okay. The premise. That's not fun. That's not fun. If you were presented with, you know, a golem game, it's like, what does that look like? You know, like what? I mean, the question why sort of hangs over the game, like a storm cloud, doesn't it? Like in every facet, why is it the way that it is? Why even is it? Why doesn't exist? In general. So it's worth mentioning then, of course, the premise is that you've been captured by the elves and Gandalf's interrogating you, asking you what information you gave away to Sauron and the orcs in Mordor when you were captured as golem. And so you play the capturing and breakout of that portion and then you play the portion in with the elves. I forget even where you are necessarily. It is just baffling. He's like, why would you have chosen this? Yeah. But how far are we going to get into it? But how far up in the timeline do you get? The game actually ends with golem pushing against the door that is on the other side of the door that is the speak friend and enter door. And so the implication of course being, Going to Moria. Yep, the fellowship. You're about to follow him into Moria. On the other side, Mastery is going to be up with him. Yeah, look, we go right up to there. Because the next golem game. So it really ties in seamlessly then to the film. Seamlessly. You wouldn't even know it. It's hard to believe that now, now whenever I watch fellowship of the ring and I see, I know what he went through. And I see golem and Moria. I'll know just what this poor creature went through. Oh, yes. And also I'll know what golem went through. And what happened to his sick haircut? Yeah. Yeah, he lost his hair in 10 minutes. What happened? They opened the doors. And he just went, you're so shocked the hair just fell out. Yeah. And I guess I will say it now, but yeah, I apologize for the next game that comes out immediately because I'm basically funding it. Because they got 2 million euros in tax money to make the next one. Isn't that great? They take the money I already paid and then I have to pay them again to play the game I kind of paid for already. Is this a German development company? Is that what you mean? Oh, they got it. This is the worst thing that Germany have ever done. Yeah, and we did some fucked up shit. Yeah, and you've done some, yeah. Yeah, but at least, you know, I mean, even then you have Audubon, Volkswagen, you know, it's, you know, but you know, Hugo Boss. It's true. Phantom, you know, but it wasn't golem. Yeah, nothing compares to golem. It is or golem too, whatever. Worth the highlighting. Yeah, well, the Schneido Conner song was about. Golem. Oh, yeah. Most songs are about golem. Oh, okay. That's a really cool fun fact. Thematically, yeah. So me, as and metal actually streamed this from start to finish. You can go hunt down our playthroughs, if you wish, on our various channels. HVB gaming for as metal. It's, is it metal commander or a metal forge? Metal commander, right? No, I'm actually curious. Did YouTube break my link again like it does every time? No, it's still there. Oh my God. Scary. I'm sure. Time to celebrate. Don't trust it. It's metal forge. I mean, the channel is called metal commander, but the the name, if the ad is metal, so it doesn't matter. And for me, just homepage on the channel, scroll down, you'll find the unlisted set of all the games I play. Golem being the latest for reasons. That's the same for me. If they're, if they're not on the Moodle channel, they're in that playlist. Fringy rags and Theo have assorted levels of familiarity, and they're about to get a blast of what it's like. I mean, I've fortunately been playing like good video games. I've been playing Street Fighter. So that's been fun. Imagine the fucking whiplash I had. I went all through tears of the kingdom. I was like, I'm going to take a break from streaming a bit. And then I go jumping back in with like Street Fighter and stuff. And then she's like, hey, me too. I was like, oh, fuck. Well, some of the best highlights in this video are from your stream as well. So it was worth it. Like I said, this stream kind of, it's an attempt at being chronological and it covers four different streams. So we will check out what it has. And then we will talk about the things because it's going to prompt a lot of memories. It is important for us to follow Golem's journey fairly accurately so that we can really get an idea of the story and the characters and, you know, how he became the way that he. The Golem. Not just a Golem. The Golem we all know and love. The Lord of Ring. It's just so, it jokes right themselves, man. They just don't even try. That's so funny. How did they do that? How did they do that? The Lord of Ring. The Lord of Ring. Every time I started this stream. The first time I read it, I read it as the Lord of the Ring. I thought that the Earth was in it. He's so, yeah. Isn't there, I think there's those in it, isn't it? No, no. The second there is not in it. The Lord of Ring. It's just the Lord of Ring. It looks like the Lord of Ring. The Lord of Ring, yeah. The Lord of Ring, yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. I would just insert the the in there the second time. Like my brain would just fix it. Once to fix it, yeah. Oh, brains like this isn't right. It's one of the all logical brain. It's one of the sentences you see online. They're like, hey, read that one again. Then it's suddenly like two with the the in there or just none. That's how this works. It's one of the sus moments for anybody. And he was a fan. They're like, oh yeah, I love Lord of Ring. They're like, what? Lord of the Ring. Is that like a movie? I'm not aware of. Is that about like, I don't know. Is that about like Nicholas Cage plays a jeweler or something? Lord of Ring. Is this about a guild thing? A mafia? I don't know. They're making a Lord of War sequel. The Elder Ring. It could be a Sonic game. Lord of Ring. Oh yeah. Well, that's Sonic and the Legend of the Rings. Is it? Or the Secret Rings? Sonic Cross with the Ring. Shadow would be like in now, Sonic. I will be the Lord of Ring. He would say that. And then Sonic's like, no, you won't. And Shadow will say, yes, I will be. And then he pulls out a machine gun. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's the kind of really cool rock music starts playing. Yeah. Let me tell you about Shadow. He doesn't mess around. Lord of Ring. I would picture Sonic and Dark Souls Cross. I would be called that. It would be pretty epic, I think. Very epic. Eggman. But I mean, enough about Shadow the Hedgehog, right? There's a different game. We appreciate, yes. Enough about Shadow. We have to talk about the Shadow of Bordor. Here we go. Not the game, just the concept. Go. That's very good. I'm not even in. You fool. What? I'm not even in. There's only five people in here. I'll drag it back so that As can experience it. I didn't realize that you would like the title. We're missing one thing. Just like Gollum, he's missing many parts. All right. Lord of Ring. And it's like crayon. Yeah. Well, common sands, right? Like the. That's just how it goes. And it's got the crayon colors. The crayon and the alignment is all wrong, too. I haven't even started playing it. You're already in pain. Welcome to an afternoon. British stream from your old pal. He looks great. Long. Yeah. Look at that hair. I don't know if he wants to watch Smallers in Time. What's weird is that looking at Gollum, he actually kind of looks like a GIF. He doesn't look. He looks like a JPEG that's kind of moving around, you know, just the way that he's animated his face. He doesn't look three dimensional. It's also just a worry the whole thing. I have our playthrough of this. I haven't played a game in a while. I haven't streamed a game in a while. I've been busy, honestly, just absolutely pumping away at a video. But at one point I was watching it and I was in chat just marveling over how bad this game is and laughing. So I thought, I guess I should play it. As you can see, it's running perfectly well. I was about to say that. It's it's going to be mentioned in the video, the exact context we need for a performance. Don't you worry. Two. So it's going to get the logo looking to be sitting there. He is. Yeah. He's like, yeah, this is my game. I'm so happy to have my own game. It looks like one of the South Park Gray aliens. Look at him running his 25 frames a second, you know. It looks like just a human baby. An alien. I haven't seen, I haven't actually seen Jane Longbone's webcam here. And when I look down there, I, for whatever reason, my brain went, why does she have a frame? Why does she have a frame picture of Darth Vader? And I'm like, oh, no, no, that's just someone wearing black with a big black hat. You're like, nevermind. Carry on, carry on. Oh, Mola, you, I am going to, I am going to do you, mate. I like how up here it says the Lord of the Rigs, but I will forever call this Lord of Rig Gala. It's just too funny. Not too. And that's where they release a giant wall of text right on cue. And a lot of people noticed very quickly, what are the things of this? This is already bad enough news, seeing something like this, right? Just seeing it and just reading out. The Lord of the Ring. That does, yes. As dear players, we would like to sincerely apologize for the underwhelming experience many of you have had with the Lord of the Rig Gala. You even said it wrong. I did it too, yes. You said it wrong. It's really hard. Your brain wants to fix it. I had to get used to it to say it a couple of times to get used to saying Lord of the Ring, because it's hard. Lord of the Ring. I keep adding the verb by, it's Lord of Ring. Lord of the Ring. I thought it was Lord of the Ring. I keep instinctively adding the verb. Yeah. It's Lord of Ring. Do you think when they realized that was there, they were like, oh, fuck, we can't repost this? It's absolutely terrible. And I've seen us obviously saw the apology from them, which apparently has a 94% chance or something of being generated by an AI. But can you already tell it just looks cheap? I don't know why, that's your icon. I think it's the font. I think it looks cheap because the font looks too normal. Yeah. The font looks like something you'd actually type with. Yeah, you'll see that throughout the game. You'll see that throughout the game. Oh yeah, heavily on the argument stuff. It looks so cheap. And ugh. Even the version zero point should just state it version zero. And more games, privacy policy, the font on that looks better than continue new game, etc. It's just cleaner and simpler. But this looks like someone just opened up a word document. And we're like, yeah, continue. It's like the fully dry version or something. Yeah, exactly. What do we got? A proto aerial? Have a fuck at whatever. Well, sure, it's fine. Could look better. Be thankful for the money, Steven. This cost me 43 pounds. I went to Steven to see if it was available. Yeah, so just they charge full, full price, full game, full price for this fucking thing. Yeah. It's 43 pounds because that's what Gollum weighs. What was that with her or without? I got a good one. With. Definitely. When baller, uh, you got to play there. And that was like, okay. And I, uh, I went to steam to buy it. I honest to God, would not believe that it was 43 pounds. Yeah, because I was on the phone with you and I remember you, I knew that, but I hadn't told you that you found out. And I was like, oh, yeah, it is full price. Well, and let us remember scorn was 40 bucks when it was on steam. Thank God I got game pass because. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's one of those scorns of a different beast in terms of like, why it works. Yes. Mostly. And it looks good. It's just, yeah. Remember, what did I do to lose my progress in that game? I can't remember anymore. It like. Oh, it was when you got to the final round, right? I was jammed in the floor or something. I think you ran out of, uh, you ran out of, uh, ammunition and couldn't reload it or something. It's certainly that, yeah. You did restart and it went through all the way back to the beginning. Beginning of that section when you get off the tram. For anyone who wants to see that, we did a nefap on it. It was miserable. We did a nefap on scorn. And it's the kind of thing. It's recorded forever. Me, Metal and Rags would not be capable of doing a scorn nefap now. It would be impossible. Like, the memory is just gone. Most of the game is gone. It's like. Let's go watch a play for us. Just watch them. Yeah. So say forever. That's something really funny about though, when you lost that pro is like, fuck it, let's go and watch Metal finish it. Yeah. I was like, I'll know how it ends through his stream. I ain't doing it. Garlem, however, I saw to the end. Yeah. I can, it turns out it was on. It's like $60, $50 to $60. And I was like, I'm not paying that. I'm just not paying. I can afford it, but I can't. I'm not paying that. But that's okay. You know, we're not just going to shit all over the game. I'm going to compliment it wherever I can. For example, look at Gollum. He's looking at him. He's looking. He is definitely looking. He's looking around. It's a good day yesterday. We've got to get, we've got to get some context. Shut up, Gollum. Fucking noise again. Is that Gollum? Is that the game? That was the Gollum fight. Yeah. I thought that was like a train or a barge going. Is that barge that goes past that other's window? Well, as Gary would say, the Thames. The Thames. The Thames. You can't blame people for calling it that. I can, and I will. It looks like the Thames. It looks like Thames. I just know. Even though you say that because you're American. The famous River Thames in the UK. So you would say that it's equally acceptable to say Arkansas? Kind of. Yeah. If you weren't aware of Arkansas's estate. Yeah. Kind of. I think that if you weren't aware of the Thames. Definitely. Yes. But what about the someone making the grievous era of Route 66? They would want to do that, would they? Well, everyone. Yeah. No, because over here, let me let me let you guys in on a little a little bit of American cultural lexiconography here. All right. So whether or not you say route or root, because here in America, it's it's like a regional thing, whether you say route or root. Route 66. Yeah, it is. Route 66 is always Route 66. No one says Route 66. Route 66 specifically is Route 66. Yeah. But do you understand like that? That that's just they should all be called roots because that's what they are. They're roots. You know, there are some people who would agree with that. And some people would. Rags is what they are. Well, that route, that's a different word though. That's that's a different word. That's R-O-U-T. There's no E in it. Yeah. But also route has an E. Yeah. But the reason why it's called Route 66 is because the word root is pronounced root. And for some reason, you've decided it's route. Well, some people have decided that. Some people. Americans. You know, I don't even think a lot of people decided that. That's just the world that I happen to know. Because I'm a time traveler. I went back. Gollum is when they are. Gollum says root. He roots around. That's not good for you. Looking for snails and what not, some delicious edibles and what not. Did you say Gollum is a good role model? Yes. I think so. Piss of is. Does roll, right? Like actual rolling around. He's very endearing, isn't he? R-O-L-L role model. Because that might be true. I don't know. I don't know. I'm pretty sure he rolls in this game. One of the professional top players. No, he doesn't. He doesn't roll in the game. You can't do that. That sounds strange for a platformer with Gollum. Especially with such a. Very circular head. We will talk about it as we see visuals for it, but his control is a very limited. This poor little fucking gobbling piss. Or take in the cringe. The cringe. I want a medium. Look at that frame rate. Oh, that's great. If you want to play this game. Absolutely erects everything. At 20 to 10 frame rate of 60. At medium settings. Then it is recommended that you have an RTX 3060. This is what you just said. So this shit. Actually, I didn't want it. Well, I didn't even know that. It's not be too harsh. I think that once, now that we've seen the game, just the loading screen alone. I have an opening menu. I think it's pretty clear why, and it's justified why you need that kind of incredible hardware to run this game. Because just, just look at those eyes. Yeah, look at the wall. Look at that. Look at the water. The way that it looks kind of like a liquid. Look at the flowers. I think those are flowers. Look at the moon back there. That's true. There's a moon back there. They rented the entire moon. That's lighting. There was lighting in this era. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, there is lighting. Lighting there, and there, and there, and there. Yeah. It's pretty easy. You missed some there as well. Oh, yeah, they do. Is the Harrison relation already activated in this part? I'm pretty sure it's not. But I don't know, because that costs you a lot. Do you like how on the water, on the right-hand side, there's just glare for no reason whatsoever? The moon is clearly on the left, but there's just random, random, bright-ass glare on the right-hand side. Well, it's the moon bouncing off Gollum's skin. It's that powerful of a reflection. Wow. I didn't think that such a- Someone spilled some white paint on the water. Yeah, it's there. Yeah. Play for- God damn it, mutually. That's the thing. I'm probably not going to complete this game. I'm not insane. Are you sure about that? Look at that water. Water looks kind of real, right? Like, that's how water moves. Yeah, I like water. Static background image that- I really hate that. It looks so tacky, like the- That looks pretty bad. It looks pretty bad, yeah. Why they decided to have it linger is- Why linger for so long? Look at that. It's like- What is that symbol? It looks like it's broken. Is that symbol the ire of Sauron? That doesn't look cheap at all. I don't know. Will there be a mini breakdown for this game? No. Liar. I'm not going to make it. Hashtag make as suffer. I'm on board with it, man. Oh, look at that. What's that goblin in front of you? It began, they say. Okay, right. I got it. Is Mahler making everyone suffer through the game? I was definitely not forced by Mahler or convinced by Mahler to play this, because it would be funny memes. Definitely not. You said you need to play it as I know. No, no, no. No, Mahler. No, Mahler, no. Consent means that both people are fully willing to engage in a particular behavior and express their consent by saying, yes, that's okay with me. Oh, why am I friends with that guy again? I have to call him please, Sekiro. I want to see you play it. I do intend to play Sekiro at some point. I just love the idea that we play this. Is it a way to have him play Sekiro yet? That's like your jam, right? Your darky solies kind of. Whoa, darkies? Damn, Rags. Jesus. Let's back the fuck up. They're actually Japanese in that game, so. I'll play it at some point. Are you trying to give me to say yellow solies? If only to just prevent Rags and racism. I wouldn't say that. No, I only in reference to what theoretically you were trying to get me to say. I personally disavow. I would never say that. I disavow disavowals. So you can't do that. Though I will say the connection here is that in the Lord of the Rings universe, there is Moon Runes. Lord, excuse me, Lord of Ring. Lord of the Lord of Ring. In fact, the universe itself is now called Lord of Ring Gollum. Lord of Ring Gollum. Everything else is born from that. When Rains of Power season two comes out, it will be called. You're watching Fellowship. I understand why is it called Ring Gollum. When he gets to two towers, like, oh, that's why. Oh, yeah. Gollum, there he is. Back to back. Like, is this like, yeah, you know, it's kind of one thing of the one side, one thing of the other. Collectibles. Oh, you collected a rope. You'll need that later. Gollum fingers there. I get so quick. You can. Air simulation. Oh, my God. We've got to have that on, do we not? Absolutely. Little platoon that was mentioning his greasy hair. Like, it changes performance significantly. I don't know if his hair has enough texture to display grease. All the default. Why has he got so much hair? What's weird is that you look at that and you're saying so much hair. Why does he have all that hair? There's so much of it. That's a bounty for me. That's a bounty. Too far down with it. Like, Transplanted Cubes. All right, downloadable content, lads. Let's see how a sweep is done. Oh, my God. An emoji pack. Look at this. A pack of six exclusive Gollum animations. Did you ever see those emoji? By the way. Yeah, they tin up in these clips as well. Why does it say a pack of six exclusive Gollum animations? Who the fuck else do you play as in this game? It means it's exclusive to those who buy that pack, okay? How much was it? You don't get to. I think it was like $2.99 or something. It was too much. It was horse armor. It was horse armor. Oh, my God. That's like 50 cents in emotes. So, you know. He said buy one pack of mustache for $2.99 like Brian did. The game was 43 quid. Give me my precious. You can't keep that away from us. By the way, I used exactly zero emotes in the game. Yeah. Well, that's your fault. That's your fault. Those give you a tactical advantage. I just call them emojis and stuff. I think it's funny. But when you floss on these orcs, so good. Well, in Fortnite, when they release the Gollum skin in Fortnite, you'll be able to floss and dab. And when you get that sweet, sweet victory royale. Oh, yeah. Bachelor animation. Excited to check that out. That's just wonderful. Excellent. What a great thing to have that you have to pay extra for. See, you trigger a special animation. Oh, there you go. Oh, shit. Sindarin. Go back. Is it going back? That's just, that's wonderful. Excellent. What a great thing to have that you have to pay extra for. Good job. There you go. $2.99. $2.99. $2.99 for the game. $4.99 for the lore. If you want the lore. Oh, the DLC doesn't, it's not $3.99 or $2.99 for all that other stuff. Yeah. No. It was individual things. Extra $11 for emotes, elvish, and lore. How disgusting. It's just a lore compendium. You know what? No, to be fair, the lore compendium, I can't imagine someone like sitting down and writing books and books and books of Lord of the Rings lore. That doesn't sound like something. Yeah, I don't know. That doesn't really sound like something anyone would like do over a period of years and years, like trying to craft a lore. Yeah, that's that's pretty, I think that's fair that they did all that. It does feel like, like, did they just copy pages from someone else's stuff, or they just slap it into a digital thing and we're like, well, we're charging. Fuck you, we're charging. We hit copy paste. That's stuff going into. By the lore compendium, it just downloads rings of power on to your heart. Turn on. Can I not turn that on? Did I not get it? Uh-oh, switch. Oh yeah, the menu, the menu is really good in this game as well. So I can't even remember how I solved this. You can solve it. So if you click on with the mouse cursor, that does not work. If you hit enter with switch, that doesn't work. You have to do something else, I think, like. I think you, I think you, you highlighted the sin sender. No, the lore compendium. No, sender thing. Highlight that with the mouse and then you can hit enter. I think something like that. Then you could, something like that. Yeah. Oh, but it's really, it's an on sender and it's not. Yeah, it's actual terrible shit. I was almost convinced I just didn't have it. I also like that they dare not actually show a close up of the elves face. That would be a bad idea. We'll see another of those. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, well, I guess our elves can't speak Elvish. And then you got your lore compendium. Unlock entries of lore compendium while you can progress through the game. Look at that. So what did that actually do? Wow, that looks really good. That is actually, like I'm not trying to be mean, but that is like a kid might be able to draw that and just a lot of it anyway and just be like, yeah. Wait, is there like a, like text or is that, is that literally the picture? Is you have to go, I think you unlock all of the lore as you go through the whole game. You can't access it unless you buy the DLC, of course. And the way, this is the broad map that you see there. Oh, I see the little circles. Yeah, you select and then it goes in and it gives you a piece of art and a little description. That's how the lore works. Look how this looks. The lore compendium has typos and other crap. Jeez. It's fine. It's really good. It's fine and good. Well, all right then. You lads ready for a new game. New game, here we go. Here we go. Typos, because that's... Sorry, new game. All right, really, really previous game. Do you want to proceed? Yes. The FPS tags what is in J logbook. Moller's response before 90% of the size of this game. True. That's me. Eyes are marbles. No eyes are marbles. No darkness they see. Spade loses as though safe. AI and be sick. Oh, are we done with that? Okay. Oh, god. Our hero. He's still funny. How are you? Shit, it looks. This evil finger reminds me of... That's Gandalf? That's a pretty credible voice. Why is he called Wizard if he's Gandalf? Because Golem doesn't know he's a Gandalf yet. They just said Gandalf right in front of him. Yeah, Golem wasn't paying attention. Only when Golem is finished and Dane's to acknowledge you while he learned your name. Until then, you are wizard. That's what he calls everyone he doesn't know, wizard. It is mostly wrong. You're a wizard, Gandalf. And there's the first wizard off as well. But what a comparison between anti-circus performance and the realities of what they gave us. This evil Sandiurcus. Yes. Oh, no, what's going on? No, I was just coughing, bro. No, I was just coughing, bro. Golem doesn't remember names, I guess. Well, but is that how they put their names up in front of this? Wizard, what's he got? Wizard brackets off. He's off screen and they didn't hear. I know, Dane. I am not trying to. Help you. Trying to rob you. You leave the back of it. Some random memes. Throw out of this. He took something from you. I think what probably happened was while they were writing out the script and like text form on their Word documents, they had the parentheses off so that they knew when they put it into the game. This is playing while they're not actually on screen, but they never took it off in the final product that still just got left on. That would be my guess. Quality off. Following the books by J.R. Why is he called Wizard off? Why is Golem off? Is that what it refers to? No wonder everything else doesn't do that. Yeah, it looks like off screen. Hey, deaf person. They're talking off screen. They're not blind. How does it work? Like, why do you do that? Just so the deaf people can keep up here. It's like the only game in history that we should probably have on or off based on whether or not they're on the screen. And no one said no to that. Desperately searching the screen for where the character's supposed to be. Oh yeah, this is the thing that's definitely happened. Very well. Oh, that just cut in. Hard to believe we haven't even gotten to gameplay yet. Never mind. Oh, okay. We're back. But he is. Golem has dwelled in the... Never mind. Nope. It wasn't that important. That comma is off, though. Right there next to Wraith. That comma is off. It is. There's an extra space after Wraith's good catch. Yep, yep, yep. Works comma space. If only we knew the origin story of Mordor. If only there was a brave, stunning and brave television show which showed us the origin story. March of the Gladiators. Hell yeah. Right, so do we need to also fork over this, too? Well, I mean we could talk about the incredible show that is the Amazon's Lord of the Rings. The Rings of Power. This is how Mordor happened. This is the origin of... Yeah, like Mordor. This is the origin of Mordor, remember? This is it. Old Man Waldreg put the sword into the slot and turned it. That old man Waldreg created Mordor. He's my favorite Lord of Ring Golem character, Waldreg. Waldreg is a really cool guy. He's really awesome. He does not too fond of elves, barely fond of men. He's a big fan of Sauron, though he's... Not too fond of Hygiene. That's the known of those... No, no, no, but none of the dirty national humans on this. Except for Bronwyn. She gets to wear color and be clean. Yes. Because she's amazing. That's why Arondir loves her so much. She's the only one who isn't covered in shit in the village. Tear her ad. Well, I wish I could rewind it, but that lightning bolt went straight through that rock. And I don't think that was on purpose. Yeah, why even show it? It's not even sky above. Yeah, that means it's supposed to happen what? Where was that supposed to be? Honestly, they probably just applied a lightning effect in general to the background, but it wasn't far enough in the distance. And so it clipped through the mountain. No, that's how Mithril is made. Remember in Rings of Power, the lightning hit the Balrog and the elf in the mountain, and then it made all the Mithril. How dare you remind me of portions of that series? Yeah. I already had enough trauma from Gollum. The Rings of Power is better than this probably. Yeah, baby. I don't know. Wow. He's like, you got to relax. Don't force it. Get a blow out of your old ring. Drop a lot. What? Wow. The animation is already incredibly cheap. It's incredibly good. You panic as well because it's like, oh, they're showing this off. This is what they're best. This is what they've got to show. No, it's the beginning of the game. This is stuff that everyone's going to see. Like, no one's going to make it halfway through, so fuck that. This is at the very beginning, this stuff everyone's going to see. This is where you're going to flex. Here's the thing, Rags. You may have added a lot more words, but you basically just said one more time. The beginning of the game, they're putting their best foot forward. Well, now you're saying what I said. Now what he said is true. Now you've done it. Now you've done it. Now you've done it. How successful this was. But anyway, I'm moving on. As no, you say it. No. I did it ironically. You were doing it for reals. Oh, look at us. I did it ironically. Oh, look at us. Yeah. Oh. All right. It's already bad, Jackie. Matt, look at that. Can you turn off that motion blur? Or is that like... Nope. They're doing it. That's how fast he moves. Are you serious? Can you turn off the motion blur? He was not allowed to turn off motion blur. Nope. That's not allowed. Wow. Wow. Not only that, as you can tell from just watching him walk around, that it's extremely restrictive. Like, it's not free form. It's blocky. You've got to move the mouse in coordination with Gollum. Remember how I went to visit Mutely and he made me watch Glass Onion twice? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. The way that this is what... So the way motion works is that... Like, the camera doesn't automatically follow you based on your, like, movements or something. It's like your camp... The right... Your mouse controls the camera and all of your movements are relative to... So it's like you're playing a FPS, like a third-person action game. Yeah. So I think I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Do you have the thing in here where I go over this control thing? Otherwise, I'll do it now. What it means to be along that. Here are seven warning signs of emotional... Pandemonium break! It's a data. I got that. I just jumped. I jumped. Yeah, I got it. I got it because I jumped. Do you, though? Yeah, I got it because I jumped. There's little invisible triggers. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is flying into the screen. I was trying. It is chewing up the hot... Is it a streaming thing for her? Is that why we're getting the low frames? Well, so it's a company. No, this is the... Well, so she sees it better than we do, but as far as I'm aware, this is still like the game just chugging in general as well, because she does stop playing because she can't play it the way that it is. It's probably the game unnecessarily... Takes all the resources and then OBS doesn't get anything anymore, and then it just skips all the frames. Yeah, I guess after seeing those recommended specs, I can believe that if you don't have a pretty really strong computer, this is just not... You have to brute force your way through this game. This is so unoptimized. It randomly chugged for me at completely random places, and I don't even know why. And I had my task manager... It could be the game trying to load a bunch of shit in the background or spawn a bunch of stuff. Probably, yeah. But then like... Like you hit that invisible trap wire and it starts loading things. But yeah, it's like places where you wouldn't expect it. Like it doesn't even look like a thing you go through or anything. But I was looking at my task manager, and I was like, my CPU is at 40%. My GPU is like 20%. Like everything is asleep. Why is it chugging? So, oh, it's the game. The game is just shit. Yeah, it's just... Optimization is unbelievable. And I will say an advantage that J. Longbone has that none of you do is that because she has less frames to work with, she gets to savor each individual frame for a longer period of time. So all of the beauty that you see, the rain, the shiny dirt, Columns ass... I don't understand these font choices, I gotta say. Look at them. Yeah, new objective is like italicized and thin. Day is near. Go back to your cave. Day is near. It should probably also be an exclamation. And see, look, it's the same for the software. It was... Columns got the same text as day is near. Go back to your cave, but then it's the same font as new objective. What is that? Yeah, like they swapped it. You'd think that new objective would be like Columns, and day is near would be like... Yeah, you would think that. Or alternatively, just pick one and stick with it. Just pick one font. Yeah, the font for new objective feels like the closest thing to Columns text that we've seen so far. Yeah, maybe that explains everything. Columns was like the creative lead of his own game, and no one had the heart to tell him no. So it's just... They went with it, they took the gamble, and it paid off. Columns, you know, he's got that power power. Columns time for his time's new roman bow. Like it ran. Oh, what the fuck? Oh, what the fuck? Jesus Christ! Oh, the 223, like the best and worst year for gaming ever. That's like the best and the worst at the same time. Yes. There's a couple of banger titles, and then we get shit like this. We're just like, what is going on? Like, what is this year? Just close your eyes and think of God of War. All right, first things first. Let's kill ourselves for the fun of it. That's what you've got to do in these things. You lied. So this is the introduction to the deaths, which is hilarious. It's so unceremonious, in matter of fact. It's like the game is just sort of like doing something else and it doesn't get all year's time. It is one of the most genuine like, oh, you stepped out of bounds, so restart. You don't even have the chance to plummet to your death, you die along the way. And I don't know if it's a glitch or just the construction of it, but every once in a while you don't get any noises. A lot of the time you'll get, ah, or whatever, but sometimes it's just nothing. And you're like, oh. Quietly. I'm pretty sure I had the death sound after I loaded into my reload. That'll be great. I can believe it. Not the most impressive death screen, but that's okay. What is this fucking asshole on the wall? Oh, we made the same joke. Yeah. Yay, we did it, yay. Just this random glowing asshole. That's Sauron's asshole. You ejected the daze, Nia. Go back to your place. That one's on fire. Wow. By a bad. Neh, neh, neh. Just gloss over it. It's just never not funny. Every time. Game over, you died. It's so sudden. This is like. Like the period at the end of you died just makes it so. You can get my keyboard right. So this is me hitting the D button. Oh, wow. So if I hold forward and just tap the D button, it doesn't do anything. That's insane. I don't know when I've lost. If controls aren't important, I don't think you need to make any decision. Not really. No, is there anything in this game? But the fact that you have to hold it down. The worst, the better. I've been told. Honestly, with this game, at least it would create more. Well, there is mean value. Like you see how it snaps to the left and right? That's crazy. So you run, bam, bam. I feel like half a second or something. I don't remember if I've ever seen this before. Good. God, did you see how jittery that was? I, it's amazing. It's so amazing. You jump up. There's no purpose to it at all. They just let you do it. And do you see him get pushed back because his head hit the ceiling? By the curve of the ceiling. And then you just die and he's like, okay. It's a wonder Gollum survived long enough to meet Bilbo. It really is. Just make you wonder if the game was tested by humans. Yeah, you do. So you don't account for any human behavior. Gollum play tested his own game. Gollum do the notorious braille. That's why he's the way he is. But that's clearly death. That's why he's got the head. So here's a little tip for you doing tutorials. If you want people to drop, put that input for the button somewhere where you actually want them to drop. It's so borked. It's like, yeah, you go across a death pit and it's like, do you want to jump in? Press this button. You're like, but why? It'll be fun. Yeah. And it'll work really hard on the death screen. Would you like to see it? And at the same time, it doesn't tell you to go up when you reach the thing you need to climb up. It just keeps telling you to drop. It's like they want, they know it's like just drop. Just kill yourself. Yeah. You don't want this. And not over a death pit. Do I have the... No, I didn't buy the... Oh, oh, oh. That's why I didn't buy the emote pack. I like how he doesn't even know what happens. Moving on. Why not? Oh my god. Cooly. Fuck. Damn it. Good luck getting into a scene like this. He's so grunting and shit. He's like, he's still running as he's falling. What the... He doesn't even have like a death yell. That's hilarious. Just a dead end video game? You're not gonna reward me with something? No. Oh, it went right through. This is like the first seven minutes of the game and nobody caught these. This is a 2023 game. By the way, we are like... We're like 30 seconds into the game at the moment. Yeah. This is like 0.1% or some shit. It's ridiculous. This game is long. More sense that it's a 2023 game. Don't you think? Surely this is copyrighted. Sure, there's no way that this song isn't copyrighted. I fuck. That's probably already enough then. Maybe. I was distracted. God damn it. I just... I was like, I heard a song and I'm like, oh, wait a second. We gotta sing along with it, all right? I could always sing to you. Oh my god. I never did, dude. Oh, wait, this already over. Yeah, we're good. Okay, we're good. All right, we're good. That's my freedom. This is probably some of the rings of power you're in. Yes, hiding from the great eye we think's long gone. When we came, they nassed out. Why is it like Aaron's brown eye? Gullible. Why is it more coming out of the black one? He's got a red eye we saw earlier. It's not just me. Why is it more of the warrior coming out of the left? No, that's in the game like that. Yeah, it's an intense choice to try out. You know, sometimes it just does that. He's talking in your ear or something. Is that what they want? Oh, that's just the... I gotta tell you, that's really annoying and it doesn't make much sense in terms of perspective. I'm just trying to guess as to why it might. Oh, I don't know. I think I can totally believe that off-screen, they're breaking the 180 rule and so you're hearing the voices and corresponding voices. He is currently Gollum off, so it's fair. It makes sense. Gollum off, yeah. Gollum off. At one demented grasshopper in a bug's life. Oh, wow, that's a callback. You must have had friends, one. A family. Yeah, Deagle, I fucking choked him. Cast us out. Cast them all. Oh, man, I'm getting fucking PTSD already. Oh, shit. I'm definitely copyrighted on that one. Slightly copyrighted queen music. Okay, yeah, yeah, look at them, they're fighting. No, no, you can't put this in the video. No, this is queen. Okay, yeah, look at them. Okay, there you go. Okay, finally back to Gollum. Poof. Oh, I think I got a good content in this show. Moats. Queen on. Oh, this is one of the moats. Check it out. Check it out. That was nice. Okay. I like how he never looks at the bug. Oh, yeah. What's this? What's this? What's this Gollum vision? Oh, it's Eagle vision. I should still have a guess. But I turned it to low. So horrifying. You're kidding me, right? I just, I thought we'd nailed platforming ages ago. I didn't realize there was still kind of a challenge for developers. Now what? Sprint toward the wall. Okay. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What is the point of having a climbing mechanic when you can just run up the wall? Doesn't that defeat the object of the climbing mechanic? No, because sometimes you have to press left shift instead of E. Yeah. Also, not all walls have an arrow on it, idiot. It's just like Gollum can climb basically everything usually. And then sometimes you'll climb shit that's unreal in this game. But then sometimes they're just like, nah. Then he won't climb something which is like half the size of something that he can jump on. It's so inconsistent with what the rules of what you can do and what you can't do. I feel like it's going to become a growing problem with games as fidelity keeps getting better, like keeps arriving at this point in terms of signposting what you're supposed to be able to interact with. Not in this game. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say like as graphical fidelity gets better, I was like Gollum. You're like, oh, well, come on. This is this is an indie game. It was early access. It's low budget. You're like, sure. That looked like it should never work, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, wow. The amazing stealth mechanics I can tell already. Oh, gosh, yes. You're in for so much. Yeah, but our garbage stealth. Well, this is going to be miserable. All right, lad. Oh, what? That abuse punched in the back of the head. Wow, what that is. Oh, wow. Come on. So it's the detection game over. Yes. You'll see some trying to run away. Crazy highlights of this shit. It just it just locks you into an animation. Wow. You don't even have the option to use a knife to stab him. Right, right, right. There we go. Nah. Oh, no. Oh, wow. That's all yours away. Oh, wow. Look at that. Wow. No. Actually pathetic. Shoot him. You can't believe it. One of us will starve to death eventually. What do they think a player is going to do? Right? This is the first thing I want to do is just to see how they deal with it. And it's like, you can't. That's sad. Moving on. I don't know if this is in here, but at some point I'd do something like this and just leave to have a piss. Like, not a single playtester. And then I go back and de-aggro them. It just pisses on Gollum. Not a single playtester. Decide to like fuck with the game in any way. Well, the reality is that maybe someone did and they saw this and went, most people won't do this. It's fine. I guess. Which is sad. Most people won't do the normal stuff that people do in video games. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It didn't count on us playing this game. Whatever. I'm trying to say yes. What was that? I'd love to see that in slow-mo. It happens all the time. It's that snapping shit where the game is like, you've made it. Correct. And it just drags the bottle. It makes it just impossible to judge if you're allowed to make the jump. You see or not. Because sometimes there's a jump like, oh, I'm not going to make this. And he tried and he just snaps onto it. It's like, oh, okay. What is happening? What is this? This specific area is a forced crawl. Is there like enemies over there or something? Wait, this is our friend, isn't it? Yeah, that's buggy. This is buggy. Buggy says hi. You're buggy. You can jump and buggy. You can't. Oh, gollum, you fool. Get him, gollum. No. Just mother. One will end. Oh my god. Right. What happened? This is what you look like whenever you're in stealth. That's stealth mode. What? That's stealth mode. Like you're in shadow. In shadow with glowing eyes, like gollum. It's just like a movie. Yeah. It's like they're equivalent of doing the Splinter Cell where it's got like the green lights with your hands. No, this is lore accurate. Yes. Why did they do this? Why did they do this? That's a great question, Frank. Why did they do all of this? What were they doing? Yeah, why did they do what? Precisely. What were they thinking? Seriously? It's amazing that he's doing both a horrifically racist impression of blacks and Asians at the same time. He's going to get... I do not approve of this. Omega cancelled. Do not approve. Stealth mode. Fuck. Bro, this is... You're going to get cancelled instantly. His makeup is making me sick. I'm going to have you all fall in the clouds. Shut up! That's already... He would be quiet. How wrong we were. How could you? You're not in the... You're not in the movie. Game just decides no. It's so much funnier that if they had walked over and grabbed him, it just goes, no. You're not in blackface. You die. You live in your father with the animation. You can't make this jump. There's no way. I'm getting away. See? I told you. I told you. He's making his face falls. I was fooled by that many times as was Mattle where he will make a motion that looks like he's ready to make the thing, but he can't. He's lying to you. This is what you get for trusting Gollum. What? You fool. Did you not see the movies? You can't trust Gollum. Yeah, he did the jumping. He says, I can do this. He trusts me. I can do it. Trusting you. Let me crawl behind them again. Oh, God, they make me black again. Oh, no. We heard the sound of little legs being broken. Take this one first. Fuck me, dude. Everyone who does this section, everyone has issues with it. I want everyone to know it's as simple as you hold Q and it straggles it, but look at this several... Why don't we hold? Obviously, you think it's tap. You'd think. Yep. Yes, you think it's tap. Yeah, you have to signpost before you start doing it that it's a hold prompt or people are going to tap it. Because it doesn't hold on. Yeah, it doesn't use a carpet. And then the Q goes off the screen. Then it comes back. Now you think you have to crack with a Q and then stop tapping the Q. It's just like Theo said, you have to tell people to hold it. If you don't tell people to hold it, they won't. Yeah, it's intuitive that you tap, tap, tap. You're doing a strenuous action in the game. Well, it's just tap, tap, tap. It's intuitive even that you just press the button once. This is what I mean. There's so many ways to do it. It's just like, just fucking tell people what you're supposed to do before. Every game, every game that makes you pulse. They have the icon like pulsing or something. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we're thinking this out. I think the big thing that fucks us all over is the fact that it disappears as a prompt and then comes back. It's like, what, what? Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah. And? No. Take this. So like, is this all the stealth is? Like, you just hide in... Yes. That's, that's, that's basically it. Well, that's, yeah. It's getting even better. And then did he just sit around? I know you're back. Oh, like, no, all right. Yeah, I'm sick of the song. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay. This totally feels... Control-wise. Molo, maybe you can help me with this. But control-wise, this feels like a bad PlayStation 2 game. Do you remember when the PlayStation 2 came out and it was like a swath of terrible games? There were some great games, but there was like a bunch of shitty ones. I remember a swath of amazing games. It's like... Also, every generation gets them. The thing is... Yeah, like they were trying to figure out the controller or something. I only remember the good stuff. What's the thing, right? Yeah, it's like 80s music. The main generation, I did a bit of like, you know, game hunting in terms of just, I'll just play anything, was 360. And that's what this evoked to me was that time where I was playing really shitty 360 games. Yeah, I'm, yeah. All right, one of those shitty ones to control. My god, it's so creepy. What's gonna happen? Sneak up and hold Q for ambush. Finally. Oh my goodness. Wait, for all... Oh, do I have to keep pressing Q? Oh, no. Yeah, you lose. He runs away. Oh, we got a hide. I definitely got it. The guy doesn't move. The guy's just like... He got you. Oh, well. Must have been the wind. It's Skyrim. I shall cry. I know you'll back then, pal. See? What the fuck? I let him... Yep, straight away. There you go. I guess maybe this is the time to... Oh, wow. You can throw a rock to... You can't. Yeah, that's crazy. I've never seen this kind of video game. Still... That's how it happens. He just gets confused because the light's off. He's that scared. Gotham, what's wrong? What are you doing? It's not even dark. We can all see. This is like that woman's dark. Charlie Bride. You're gonna get spanked on. Oh, did he get eaten? Is there something down there? Look at Shilob. Oh, my God. There's a fucking huge spider. Shilob. Oh, that looks awful. But that's... Are you allowed to legally say Shilob's name? I can't remember if they use... I actually can't... I know they refer to hair and shit. Yeah. They say her. I don't know if they say Shilob. This is a friendly bug, huh? Oh, here we go. It's time. Oh, no. Fun, bro. Gotham, what do you want? So if you don't... Oh, is it just like a morality system? Yes. And it changed... Well, I was... I don't want to spoil, but the endings change based on how you interact with all of this. Whether you play like Gotham or Smeagol. Yeah. It's like the beetle was here. Now we need to kill it to make sure it doesn't tell anyone we're here or keep watching it. How does the beetle tell people shit? I don't fucking know. Magic beetle. It's an eagle. Is it like Gandalf on the moths or something? I committed early on to playing Lord of the Rings Gollum, not Lord of Rings Smeagol. Drew, get your own fucking game, Smeagol. Yeah. Choose Gollum. This is Gollum Town. Choose Smeagol. Keep watching. What is this? You kidding me? Bro, the fucking font. I know it's fucking Ariel! Fucking Ariel! That's probably like an elf name. That font honestly looks like... It feels like the default in Vegas. I think it's like a little bit off from that, but still it's bad that looks. Oh, it's Ariel? Is it? It is. It looks like Ariel. It looks like Ariel. Now convince Smeagol. Look at his expressions. They're so horrific. The way that his irises get bigger and smaller after he finished speaking. So this is bordering on not real, right? You see this and you're like, no, that's fake. Look at the size of this. Why does this look so shit? Also tell me how you were supposed to know which one is the right one here. Because I have no fucking idea. Well, how well do you know these characters? Have you read the books and seen the movies? Yeah, if you buy the lore. Exactly, yeah. The lore compendium gives you all the background information. I didn't buy that one. Damn it, that's my problem. It's pay to win, unfortunately. Damn it, if you want to win the arguments, you've got to get the lore compendium. Pay to read. Spy, Wing, Nazgul are always watchful. I don't know. These are arguments? I'm just going to kill the beetle and hide. Too dangerous because of spider, too dangerous because of wraiths. That's nonsense. Why the fuck is this supposed to mean? Well, both, but they're the ones that the... The logic is like, you know, she lob is around, but wraiths are around. That's why we convince Miegel to do what? There's like the fossilized skeleton of a system here, but in this case, especially there's just no context that could possibly determine what the fuck is supposed to mean. It's like a drawing of a fossilized skeleton. Okay, yeah, that's... Like an artistic rendition of the skeleton. Like, it's like the difference between the actual events and the story, is that this is like, that's what this is. I don't know who's... I don't know how to deal with this. Enter. Enter? I will say this though. Holy shit, this makes you appreciate J.R.R. Tolkien, you know, like, existing and just writing this stuff down. You want to see it play through with him. You want to see him forced to play this. I was kind of thinking that having... Like, imagine if... Imagine Darwin playing Pokemon, right? With all the evolution, right? Having Darwin play Pokemon would be like Tolkien playing Gollum. They both be saying, no, no, no, you've got it all horribly wrong. Really misunderstood my work. All my work for nothing. They never read the book at all. It would be funny. You know how in those, like, ballerial games, you end up in, like, a gulag and you have to fight other players to get back in? Like, when you die in real life, you have to complete Gollum to get back in. Everyone's like, that's the challenge. I really don't want to die. I'm going to make sure to wear my seatbelt then because I don't want to play Gollum. Impressing Enter! Hold Enter, there we go. Oh, okay, there we go. And you've got to help me swallow it whole. That legit caught me off guard. I was just like, how could you do this? How could you make that? It looks like a fake mobile game ad. What the f**king bug, you pussy? That is dying. How are you so s**t? You just need some fedora. Why are the plants glowing? Why not? Okay, glowy clown. I'm on the occupant. Mast is my friend. You don't have any friends. No big deal. You've got to be careful of copyright again. Okay, that's you crawling in. It might be Slaytop's right in the middle. They were all deaders. Oh, bro. How is this a Gollum game? Oh, no. Thank god we don't have to. I could just jump in. I could just jump off the ledge. What the f**k is that? It's supposed to be a fel beast. I just tech smaller. I said I hate you so much. Use Gollum's intuition and heightens it. This is his heightens senses. It is about bad mood. It's infrared. I thought so. This game was delayed three times. The violence are coming for you. Oh, no. Oh, no, culture. Run away. Run away. It's the f**king psycho. Stabbed in a shower and f**king called him. It's the f**king black and white movie. What are they? So this is like Gollum vision, basically. They are ring rates. Those are re-raids. Yeah, it's the non-Scollum. They only pop up here, I think. And that's it. Yeah, they're just wandering around. What are they doing looking for mushrooms? Looking for Gollum, of course. Oh, wow. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get them. You can't win this section. They will eventually just get you. Yeah. Use your heightens senses to inevitably get caught. Run, Gollum. Run. Don't get stabbed with a morgoblade. That's bad, okay. No, please don't stab me with your morgoblade. Oh, they were just walking into each other. Yeah, you grabbed that wood. Oh, my God. Yeah. Look at me. It looks like one of those f**king things from Skyrim. They brought you to him, didn't they? No. Wizard. All right, wizard. The dark lore. He looks funny, too. What did you tell him? What did you tell him? What did you tell Saran? Stone voice acting. Oh, no. The Gollum's on the cross. Oh, no. He died for a sin. No. He looks plastic. Tying on the cross. I like how the textures of his face get there eventually. Yeah. Gandalf's face is so f**ked up looking. Gandalf is like in the flashback. Welcome to our hub. Black pits, the first never mind. What? My name ain't Grashnag. Talk to cruel orc. Oh, I don't know if you like the name. Azog from the Hobbit movies. Yay, look at him. Yeah, it's Azog. Look at him go. What are you called? He hadn't lost his arm yet. Brail man. Imagine he was like, shut the f**k up. I'm Brail. Look at you. It's fascinating to play these kinds of games. What if the frail man was like, oh, wait, wait, how come he gets to be cruel orc? And I'm just frail man. Come on. Gollum's quite the judgey person, yeah. He's excited. Because as much as they can pre- And then over, over, over Gollum, it's just like ratf**ker or something like that. Tenders, though, they have some- Who gives us these names? Finish. Just by playing it, you can feel the amount of how much this game is not f**king done. Look at that f**king fire. It looks good. 2023. Oh, look, there's more now. $70. Oh, it's different. Can you get a fire like that? Look at that. He's got a few extra chromosomes. So many jokes I want to make, but I'm not going to touch. Don't worry, baller, I will. I'm just going to introduce you to the world of the rigs. That would be horrible. Never entertains that that could be a thing that happens. That's just cruel and unusual. I jump over there. Is it going to kill me? The death animation is so funny. I hate that in games. There's a platform there. God damn it. Not allowed. Yep. F**k off. What's with the random frame drops? Stop. Why? Nothing is happening. It's loading all of Mordor. All of it. Jesus Christ. It's the sound snapping of the camera as well. When it happens, this is all f**king work. Walk around and all of a sudden you turn around. Screen you need, okay, game? Bryce, this is actually the fast way to get around, isn't it? Oh, it's one of those games. You're all just here, I guess. Jumping or rolling is faster. Doesn't it all feel like all these environments, they've just dropped people in randomly that don't do anything? That is easy, though. Look at the man's running animation. Look at it. As fast as you can. It's like f**king but faster. He's floating on the ground. See that? He's actually pathetic. Yeah, the speed isn't matched and he looks like an easy one. Animation project, like when you're explaining to someone that running is like fast walking, the devs took that literally. Running is like fast walking. Find the cover. Get to high ground if you can. They don't have the best eyes. Open the pens and lure them in there. It's like his sh** in his pants. All right. That's right. He's just desperately trying to not let it run down his legs. Oh, yeah. He's got legs together. Call the cunt. Did you call me a cunt? Oh, god. That's good. Why are you lagging all of a sudden? Was it because I turned off that texture thing? Oh, come on. Jesus Christ. It didn't give me an option to activate it. Okay, let me have a look at how this thing works, shall we? Okay. Bluh. If we said that this one can be broken. Shut up. Okay. Okay. That was sweet death. Step inside the lever. Just can you please just f*****g pull the lever? Thank you. Pull the lever. What is this? Why is it built this way, guys? That's a good question. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, well, that would be it, yeah. Never expected to be game over. It just is not OSHA conform. You got to go inside to the cage, and then the beast is going to go after you. And then when the beast is going after you, because you're the bait, but you don't want to be the bait, but you're the bait. You've got to lure the beast into the cage. And then when it's into the cage, you need to hit the lever to lower the cage, to trap it in the cage. But the other beast, it likes to destroy the lever. So if it destroys the lever and you can't trap the beast in the cage, there's another lever on the top of the cage. So you need to go to the top of the cage to pull the other lever, to trap the beast. Because the beast is just going to f*****g sit there in a f*****g cage. Until you pull the f*****g lever! Oh my God, As. What are you doing to yourself playing this awful game? It's MOLA's fault! It's like there's nothing here. Except that weird clunky ass maybe. I think it was like a like a like a connection for all the streams. Like it was like coming in chat as a combination of why are you doing this now? Did MOLA made you make you play this? And consider the villainous character in this saga played. Do you know what I mean? There's no like, let's call it environmental storytelling for one. Characters that are like just getting on with doing things. They all just like dropped in and do nothing. Oh so holy s**t, this is so f*****g boring. Like I'm just... Do you like Brett too? See? This is a lived in world. He's doing his little slave chores. Middle Earth is famous for... Oh God, oh look. Oh look at the... Look at that, here it is. I've seen this before. Oh no. Look at those little gifts going. Look at him. He's unacceptable. Like that's like... What the f**k? Look at that. They're clipping off and just disappearing. This was okay during like PlayStation 1 days. Maybe. Even then they would be better. They wouldn't have... Even then they probably just wouldn't do it. Well they'd be integrating better. They'd be integrating better. Like what they do in uh, you know, like Mario Kart 64, right? If you've got spectators in the crowd. Like they'll be actually positioned in a way that's kind of... A little bit better. Like this is... Like look at this. They're just random. We're not even like... They're not even on the bridge. Look at that. No, they're not. They're just off the bridge. They're not even on the bridge. Look at that. Look at those ones at the top there. They're hovering over the... The chasm. They do be hovering here. They put a vista in front of you and they... They don't seem to expect that you're going to stop for even a second to look at it. Because all it takes is a second. Yeah. And also like you see the little glows which I assume are supposed to be torches but they're just not... They're just glowing balls. They're almost randomly floating or clipping halfway through things. Yes. Yeah. They fucked the layers on it as well. It's all fucked. They're like... Well, I mean... At least the rest of the game looks good. Like how did this happen? Yeah. I feel like anyone with an extra 10 minutes could make this better than it is. What happened? Are they ghosts? Oh, look at disappearing. They disappeared. No, they appeared. Look at them. They all have a cutoff point where they just stop existing. You paid a company to make this game. The cutoff point is connected to your camera, by the way. Sort of. It's really weird into this. Why are they so white? You feel like you've got to be fucking kidding me. Hey now. Well, I mean... I'm tempted to go and fucking like, you know, boot up Third Age and have a look in the distant areas of that and see what it looks like. You ought to be better. Third Age might be better. Because mother of fucking God. Unacceptable. But hilarious at the same time, I suppose. What have you got to say? Oh, I don't want to look down there. Oh, look at these ones down there. Oh, they're just disappeared. Why is there just random lights flying around? Oh, it's so gross. Look at this. This guy is just... Is he walking backwards? Oh, no. Just be nice for some more freedom. Do you see how jittery that shit is? Did you see how I fucking bowed into that ladder? It was like... You're doing it. I am, but I don't feel like I'm doing it. Someone might have been there. Oh, I can stank your leg. What the fuck? Oh, my God. What is all that? Third Age has three. Don't break with a $2 as it takes about 20 hours. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. At least there's no water. 10 out of 10, IGN. What did IGN give this game? I'm actually curious. 4 out of 10. IGN. Oh, you went for them. This is a 4 out of 10. Slightly below average. Yeah, this feels like they made the map, and then they were like, fuck, we need something to actually do. What if you just have to go... It's like the Disney writing process, but for a game. We made these special effects, so we've got the studs. We've got the actors. Now what? Oh, shit. We need like gameplay and a story to connect all these assets that we've made, slash maybe purchased. This is essentially what you do, right? When you create eight tags to collect and you put them in all corners of the map. That's uh... Yeah, it's true. That's how it goes. Like it's just a golem coffee in the hand or something. The thing is, the more familiar I get with this game, the more I am very acutely aware of how easily I can kill Golem at any moment. And as much as that's funny, I don't want to have to find all the tags again, you know? What's great is that I don't even know how that works around this place. Yeah, nobody knows how it works. We don't even know how it works. I am incredible. That's true. I should have eaten a fish and I would have been fine. Dude, where are you going to save me from the drop? Oh, shit. There were so many drops in the game, though. There were so many drops where you were forced to take damage. I'll tell you what, one of the indicators of full damage you find is your character's ability to jump, right? And Golem can jump extremely high. And so you're kind of like, you feel with him that like, oh, so it's going to take a lot of full damage to kill me. It's like, no, not really. Well, you see, you know how like grasshoppers can jump really, really far? Imagine if grasshoppers jumped when they died every time they hit the ground from the fall damage. They know this. I was here investigating what's going to happen. Are you just going to walk somewhere and then stop? How far did they animate this? Is he like a, is that like a person? Is that an orc? She, I don't even know. No, that's a woman. She's like the leader. Right, okay. That is, that is the daughter of the candle man. Right. Right. And they try and set her up as this, this person who's going to betray her father and all this sort of business. And then at the end of the game she dies off screen. It's funny that you remember more of the story than I do. Yeah, all I was going to say for context for this was I was supposed to head to my room and like hit for next day or whatever and she's talking to someone and I stayed for the conversation. It was, it was nothing. Then she like slowly jankily turns around and starts walking and I was like, all right, I'm going to follow you. What did they make you do? Let's see. Yeah. Developers show me. You just going to walk up here and stand? Is that it? I fucking hate you. Why? Why do you want me to believe you're a video game when you're not even trying? It's like Game Boy Advance level of, you know, like world building. Oh, no. Oh my god. To your foot over there. Why has everyone got a spinal bit at a race game? You're going to die tomorrow. You can't do it. They look at Gollum and you're like, oh, jeez, the healthy one. It's like prison cell door opens work. Open guy just standing in the center of it doing nothing. Looks the same as several thousand of the people you've seen. Yeah. This is whoa. Look at him standing there looking at the wall. Oh, wow. Yeah, look at him. Isn't this crazy good? Why am I even looking around? Is if they don't know? Oh, well, that's. Yeah. You did this to me. I've seen. Oh, Jesus. Look at his hair. Wow. That will happen to Andre. I just stole the. Yes. That beautiful gate. It's straight out of look boards. It's pretty. It's relatively relatively. Good show you the way. If you want to show me the way. Beard is so funny. It's so weird. It's so stiff. It's like he just slathered in a crystal. I just wanted to call to say, I love you. I'm a bad day. I'm just in the middle of a stream at the moment. I'm going to talk because I want to have the music, but I assume this is copyright free piano, sad music. I'm assuming. Are you going to assume that? I am going to assume that. I just thought I called you to say that I loved you. They get to laugh mercilessly at how bad this game is and how it's driving me crazy. And I unfortunately have to actually play it. There's this guy called Mauler. He used to be a friend of mine. And he told me to play it. He's not my friend anymore. Dude, can you see how many of them are fucking script? Like, obviously this is just randomly generated or some shit and it's just broken. They're all in the walls. Why? It would look better with nothing here. Just. Oh, watch out. Don't your arm. No, that must be the cracker. Can't say that. He would be banned off Twitch immediately. That must be the cracker. He can't say that, Gollum. I want to watch Gollum switch stream now. It's fucking slow. Racial slurs, courtesy, Gollum. No, that's not what I feel that I ever have. What is that? You didn't set off the bomb? Oh shit, did I not? Hang on, I'll kill myself. Oh, I left a crunk. Oh, it's feet and. I was no, no, no, and a camera change would not make that happen. I just fell through the goddamn platform into the lava. Sudden howl brand, not. You said, you said howl brand fame. You must die. So you can see there are some, there are stakes in this. Oh my goodness. Look at the guy on the left. Right. If he speaks, he just opens. I was speaking again. That was fucking hilarious. You couldn't even be bothered to make it go like, they have worse lip sync than Muppets. I'm only willing to follow it, by the way. Nope. Oh, by the way, if you die in lava, you get into achievement and says no, it's too early. Or captain is the guy on the left, where the guy is about to speak on the right. Just this is what, in case it, you know, like they animated his lip sync, and then they gave up halfway through this dialogue. They stopped doing it. Like you just saw his mouth moving a whole bunch, which probably took a lot. Still looks like shit, but they did it. And then look what they do now. Wait, wait, maybe. There it is. They animated the first bit. Sorry, I lagged out. Wait, wait, maybe it's a later one. There it is. They gave up. They gave up. They animated the first bit that they stopped. That does sound like a lot of work. I guess. They were like, no one's going to listen to it beyond the first sentence. Come on. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, shit. It's okay. Yeah. He got excited in there for a moment. Thinking about the dwarves. Tickle, what the fuck? Oh my God. It's like out of focus, and his mouth's not even moving. You gave up again. Railman's beard is epic. You know, I think you're right. Oh, is that the red shit? I'll be just looped off. He's coming. He's coming. He's talking underwater. Oh, no, Marino. Oh, no, you're not going to get me. Psychic power is his buddy, buddy boy. So bad. Yeah, this is like I said, I didn't realize this was actually considered like acceptable by any company ever. Imagine being the ones that like develop this. You'd be like, guys, we can't. We actually can't release this. We can't. It's one of those things we've got to do contractually. And it's like, we can't. It would be better to release nothing. This reminds me of the the family guy joke where Peter does the band and everything and then they get up on stage and they go one, two, three. Oh my God, we don't know any songs. That's like what this game reminds me of. So happens with devs who don't know how to develop, make a game. This is like a game. Like guys, what the fuck are we doing? When the drugs wear off and you're lucid again and you've like you've cobbled together a Golem game somehow. He's like, guys, I don't know what we did last night but we've got to burn this. To the QA test is they were like, could you get to the credits? It's like, yes. But there was a, could you get to the credits? Yes. Is it technically finishable? Are we going to get sued? And we're not getting sued. No, we're fine. It's like Mr. Byrd's. It's like someone's starting a lawn mower. Wow. Oh, damn. And things just won't stop. Hey, working as a detective. Everything's broken. Golem and the creature are broken. Yeah. I like how the other one's patiently waiting. He's just like, oh yeah. He's waiting for his room. Oh my God. It's sort of objective in the game. I think the objective is, let's see if you can not commit suicide. This is why I like how the objective survives. In real life, it's very meta. Yes. Space remake or Ragnarok, they're okay. It's like, good God. Have you seen how low it can go? No, boys. Stop. It's too low. Take it. Oh, you cut out the Hermes screaming no to the heavens. That's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It looks pretty good. I think y'all rather watch me play Elden Ring, to be honest. There's nothing to me now. Was that some hit scandal? Oh. So bad. Wow. You didn't have to make it this way. You didn't have to stoop so low. What? It's a kill zone. No one knows what the fuck. It's actually going to kill you if you touch it. I mean, I guess it follows. You just don't expect it. Yeah, just the way his body tangles up as well. Yeah. Was he supposed to be pulling into the... I think so. I think they're like pockets of lava. The game is like, well, the player hitbox, it touched the lava hitbox, sort of. So I guess you die? I don't know. Making this up as I go. You see that? It's so hot. Oh, we got you. No. Don't you like it. No, no, don't eat it. I wanted to eat it. That is so frustrating. That happened to me throughout the game. He was just, he's like, I get it up. I'll jump really far up in the air that I'm not going to get over the ledge. You're not going forward though. I'm going to ride back to this ledge. Oh, come on. Just snap it. Um, no. Where's he going? Where's he going? He's in the force. I didn't punch you that time. Yeah, that's nice of him to punch in all the other dollars. Devs, devs, devs, devs, devs. Get another job. Get another fucking job. You shite. I wasn't happy. Yeah, you got jipped by that one. Dude, these mechanics fucking suck ass. Like, honestly. What the fuck? Imagine the orc watching that. I see that fell through it. Yeah. What the fuck? That part is absolutely amazing. Well, both of these are absolutely amazing, but look at him. Do you see that? Why was he at the end of me? Thanks for that epic jump. What you're going to do now? Oh, I guess you just... There is something so funny to me that you headbutt the wall that doesn't look like that should even be a thing. It should just be smooth, right, to jump straight up to the grab. You headbutt the wall, headbutt the wall, and I think you shot in the head with an arrow. Yeah, fuck it, why not? Don't lie to me. This is the game that made Gollum regret strangling Eagle. Yes. I remember this. I remember this. Get me sent. Get the ball. Oh, holy shit. Holy, there was a way. It folded. How did they could see me? I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really odd. Like, look at the helmet of the one orc compared to the other. Like, there's no... They don't match, you know? Yeah, like, weird helmets. Even if it works, like... Like, what is this? Like, is it just gameplay loot? Oh, I guess that is just... Oh my god. That backflip, though... I just... Like, oh, look at how riveting this is. Oh Skinny you are you that's skinny. Oh, that's not the opening Slipped right through golems were a greasy. He just slides right through Yeah, I'll get you light as well. Oh my god. Wait. Hold on. Sorry for we gotta wait for him to come back We got a wait for him to come back hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on a second Look at that jagged lighting. Yeah Oh And they stopped they're just like what do they do now? I Don't know Hopefully the player will do something The is continuing because he can see me but This is like on never half that can only arise from just not giving a fuck. Yeah So much of this is clearly just talking about what what happens when you know Golem is in this location or what if what if he just does a pretty simple thing? And it's just there's nothing. It's like that their brains just stop working at that point away from completing chapter 2 out of 10 Oh All of that was just fucking horrible Oh Why won't golem crawl golem won't move It's not the controller for put the controller way keyboard mouse keyboard mouse keyboard mouse Oh Okay Those fucking swing it that's my dad. Oh, that's on you as you just you died there. I mean When he died though I Hit that bit of air that was floating and apparently jumping two foot jumping two foot kills you I Was really not happy feet People don't Don't do it. It might it might just kill you it might just kill you We're so close to possibly going back to herding it random animals or blowing up random things Well, oh, okay. Oh, are you okay? Stopped on the surface and then again was like, oh, hang on Oh The devs in real time were loading physics. They're like, wait, wait, wait, wait This reminds me of the Mandalorian when he steps on the water and then he gets pulled under this is kind of like that Instant for teleport a little bit Matthew Hammond with the five dollars is what is the worst part of this game? Yes? Self-mechanics are like let's just put some fucking shadows on the side and when you go in them you make have blackface All of us came to the conclusion that stealth was just gollum blackface It's insane. Absolutely insane. By the way, there's a little bit of context Why didn't they just make him translucent the little bit of context before this clip? We just got shaved off was he spots me He runs up to right below me to the left, and then he runs away and starts checking under the table Dude, but even if it works what would be why would you play the value of this again ever? Yeah, like What is this mechanically? It's like thin. This is making the last of us stealth look like a fucking genius No, it is because like this has so like if you get detected you have to run and they catch up to you It's game over instantly and even if they don't it's sometimes game over instantly. Where's the fun in that? Well, and they can lose you completely if you sometimes you could well, you know, I won't spoil it. There's lots to come Snap just saved my life. It's like thank you I guess Oh Well, you lost me too, so you shut up nerd Don't fall into that To be fair this lacks the context of him fucking dying several million times in this horrible area Yeah, by the way, you didn't even need to be there. No, you didn't have to fucking be there in the first place You just tell a go jittery the whole thing is yeah How is it more I've been pretty skeptical of it it's abysmal fucking piss Oh Yeah, he looks pretty good I've seen grandma's look like that Oh It's so But we are there is This is that shot is just completely out of focus Is that blurry because like I don't know like his face exploded because he can't quite remember what happened So that's the visual Yeah, sure, man. Yeah, let's do it Oh, oh this bit. Oh my god. Oh, I'm sure this There's no There's a random brain aneurysm Yes, yes, no take Laos to be fair Three genders No What is the fucking point of having that in the game when this is restart from the latest checkpoint? Try taking wow The longer you look the more you see Probably full they're not die, right Oh Screams sometimes They always catch you by surprise. Yeah, they just follow you Please he's standing on a Roomba Shut the fuck up Look at it You don't even deserve It's a giant wheel that's fucked The next part to carry on the fucking level. Yeah Just want to talk to the devs be like what the fuck were you doing? I Could see them being like what do you mean? Like you have this whole area of mortal. They're like welcome What you want to do like? Oh, you know fucking coal leavers It's Lundwig Leaf Mordor, oh you tried to do that as well Every interaction looks unintended Every single thing you do it looks like you're trying to break the game never know if you just broke the game Yeah, that was just the game being like no no, you're supposed to be here clunking your way through the Wax about game design. It's kind of important to know what's supposed to be happening. Yeah, you don't have a neutral There's never a time we are like this is the this is the game. Yes. No. Yeah, I'm soundtrack should be that Sam Neil scream Yeah, why not? Oh Wait, that was the meme image Wasn't You got to make friends in Mordor Yeah, that's the thing the first is like the first thing you do when you get to prison you suck the cock of the toughest guy in there Make too much Your lofty tone. What is this your handwriting? Why do you guys sound exactly the same tones? I found this quite illuminating Who gave you this read it? I know what it says the same voice actor Our Lord But they're trying to threaten me. I only ever wish there to be friendship Like these are two significant antagonists in the game, but they sound I think it's the same voice actor doing the same voice What the fuck is the point? Generally in Skyrim when that one of the 12 voice actors characters meets each other and they have a voice back and forth Same The bridge in the mines. Why the fuck did they make them so similar? I can't even tell why Thank God for subtitles and to leave and then nothing on take ball hover over it and it's the same Oh, yeah, now it's the same fucking Wait No, I meant grab it wait like now I can't grab it because The option is either grab it or don't but if you choose don't then you can't grab it from then on So now I have to No, just kill myself and I'll be able to get the bottle I have to live with your choices or die I think you need to give to the weird witch I gave it to some random orc, so I think I got it wrong I never gave it to fucking anyone. I think no, I'm not forcing them to play this Look at this man. I gave it to somebody. I think what were they what answers knife this this is one of those Look, this doesn't look real Reading holes Let's go To the breeding hall finally we get to the good part of the game. How do I get to though? Shame I suck that orcs cock and played my hand Master What's that camera angle? I've got hypothalamus. What was that? You showed the back of the head of some fucker Was that How do you not keep that? How do you how that's the mouth of Sauron? What the fuck not that way What is this you're not allowed to go down that hallway you say not fuck brain I already Are you gonna go to the tower now where you have to be there God it's time for us to do the breeding minigame. Yes A minigame for all of us. Oh, is that come what the fuck minigame is this white lick? Why am I being forced to do this? Why? bird Hey bird think golem is becoming the Morbius of games So no one will ever use ever though no person playing golem ever use the mini-bap Remember how there's like three choices with this breeding game where you can do like a Yeah, yeah, I made a white one because it's the only recipe I found why you made a white one It's fine. Yeah, but in the end of the excuses Game was a black bird. Oh Yeah This is I did the same thing. I made a white bird and the chin What was your black bird? It's this is a scene that happens. There's just switches to a black bird My assumption is hiding they gave up on on making scenes for all of the birds They just assumed all the players would pick the black marina. Oh, yeah, the blackboard recipes harder to find I found that like the second time I got to exactly people want the challenge. You know, they knew or like a map So some chass I did Netflix get a hold of your bird Just when you think the graphics can't get any shit here You can tell he's the mouth of sauron because his mouth looks normal. Oh No, oh, he's got what doesn't mean What is this water? Is this like a little water leak? Then do you need it? Plumber in this cave. What is going on? I fucking hate this game We literally start the game The fucking graphics like stall out and then one of the characters the MPCs gets stuck on a wall Yep, of course or grashnik Getting lots of exercise stuck on anything Companion most like there's a blue thing below the green guy now Yeah, this is a mechanic for the golem game. Yeah needed I campaign needed is there and now it's over there And there So what if I just sent him straight over there kill him, I don't like him The grashnik the grashnik animation at all There's my trunk is help grashnik cage the borax use the companion mode to send him to a target. What oh Come on He just reuse the sprites from the bridge for grashnik. It's it's it's just incredibly shit this yeah Why would I know what this game needs escort missions only killing him The grashnik died What what that doesn't make any sense Why would they they just subservient now that makes no sense at all how the hell is anyone supposed to know that's how you do it I guess I have to figure out the other one They only made one level. Oh, that's it. Okay. Yeah, but I Golem every time You That was the fucking minigame that he's gonna give head That companion mode part It feels like they're giving you the tutorial and then you find out that is all of it. That's everything Do you want to see columns black? I've seen people talk about how you shouldn't shit too much on the the bird hatching game because that's like the best thing in the game I'm willing to concede. It's the best thing in the game, but it's still awful What we just did there was the bird was cute things on the fucking game completely unintuitive Just stupid as hell. It doesn't match anything on screen. I don't know What is this pointless as well because we get the the bird to grab one thing for us and that's it It betrays us though. So there's that Don't forget the betrayal. Here we go golem in again Oh no, the bird I just don't give a shit what they say I already forgot everything they said Just because I saw what a chat said guys. You did the title wrong. It just says lord of ring Oh jeez Where's the checkpoint gonna be Oh, no, I mean play shadow of mordor today And golem is in that game and it's Oh, yeah, don't look at him here and look at him In shadow of mordor, he just looks like the golem, you know, right? But this I don't even know what I don't even know what the fuck they were going for this one A younger golem A younger morviro spicy This is the kind of golem This is uh this game came out in like what 2000 Yeah, what wolf made a back and forth and my god, I hadn't played this but it's so unreal to be like, oh, right golem This is actually golem. Yeah Please We must have it back We must have it Great Master I'm pretty good job when it's not anti-circuit. It's like nice. Yeah, that's good. Liam O'Brien. Uh, good job Yes, we know That master came to us It was mine to keep Oh Talk to bird Meanwhile talk to bird That's bullshit I made a white bird they blackwashed my bird Fucking woke ass game Well, bud, there you go That I love the sequence and make you go in the circle Wow throw bread. I see this is the throwing bread area What the fuck bread was that That bread is It's a little old. There's a figurine hidden inside. Oh out of reach even for you, right? No, fine I'll use my bird slave to get it for me. I don't even know See my gamer brain just wants me to explore this area But then I remember what I'm playing. It's like, oh, no way. That's actually fucking worthless Golem crawls through mud. Golem runs through beasts. Golem breeds slimy awklings Yeah, golem has been patient Golem breeds slimy awklings. Why would you say that? I'm sure we're breeding birds, but wow bird you're a prick Okay, no, I'm not you'll never take me alive copper I'm not that I'm gonna go fucking up the thing. She's in the room. I'm not that far away dumb game Well, there was something over there that I could see don't you might be oh, they so often just look back at you even if they're not aggroed Hello You see there was There was some parchment on the table. That's why I couldn't move It makes sense. Yeah, there was a stop sporting me backwards. Fucking hell Is this seriously like the actual way to do this is to just slowly walk behind them Fucking hate video games, man I want golem to become the next Dark Souls for video assayers But as a meme where everyone has to make a video about how golem changed their life shook the industry and deducted insane themes This is so shit. Look, they're like see you have to defeat the enemy. It's finally like going into the spooky this Oh, what the fuck now I remember this one top We Don't worry Yeah Did they put snoozing originally they were like that doesn't really capture it Yeah, the fucking deaf people won't know what's happening snoozing. What is that snoozing moderately? Oh, right? Oh, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Oh my god. Do you see that? Just disappeared like loading those different screens And I love it when the loading screen flips out and reloads the loading screen That's where we came from. Oh, I guess Oh god, that was such a good dog shit I'm spending more time in these fucking conveyor belts than I Hidden blessings. I actually want to play the game Let's like to mention again how fucking stupid the stealth system is Yes, yes There's a little shadow behind this pillar. Now you can't be seen ever Those ankles and knees are gone Oh no, uh, and then you just get stuck behind invisible walls. Yep. I think I made a mistake I had to To climb all the way it right right, right Fuck this fucking game I had to climb I had to I really was not happy to a room To sneak past people to get out a fucking bird To sneak to another place to chase the fucking bird that had the key To get the bird to get the key To go all the way fucking back To sneak past the fucking retards again To sneak out of the fucking room To sneak downstairs into the other fucking room To climb all the way to the top For the fucking thing To fall fucking down for me to go back Fucking down To understand what wasting people's fucking diamonds This is what he did to me mola. I didn't do this call him to the Oh, what are you sure you died? I Just want to do it fast like you wouldn't like good platforming you're like jump jump jump But then you realize oh wait this game cannot handle two button inputs at once So you have to do it slowly while the game gets confused Lie I Thought this was like a meme for a second. This is the game This is real You just jump and swallow and suddenly does this All right, this is it this is the end The fucking the little motion he made the fps But that was that man Oh my god, what's this game? Aim for the bush What is this why is what what is this like honestly, what the fuck is this what is this thing? The game I don't have a melting laser. You're goddamn. Yeah, they're melting laser in here Oh My god, it's like butter. No, don't drop again. Okay. Oh god. Oh now I need to back with them Wow Oh, there we go Oh, yeah God my goodness It's like yoga. Yeah, they charge they did charge money for this those Colum's morning yoga Yeah, that's the thumbnail Oh Now the camera's not working anymore either. It's a lot to ask for the camera to work Oh, I can't it's like I can't oh this game's like a football team and everyone on the field is doing a different play Oh Snap back to reality there goes gravity Oh, yeah, that was a great idea I like I did like the way That There's one way to go. I don't need him to tell him in companion mode. You absolute cabbages. No, that's game Cappage Yes, they just cut to black and say he died That's as far as they went with this game I imagine making a golem game and this is what you come up with as long as metal finishes on golem core mode plus my cutter only Golem core that sounds like a fucked up music genre Oh Hey, that's that's money on the table waiting right there Fucking moron are we a team or not? The only way that you can get them up the ladder is to say pull the lever So he walks climbs up the ladder will pull the lever. He won't stop because you pull the lever No, you've told him to pull the lever the game's not intelligent enough to work out. You pulled the fucking lever It genuinely feels like uh, the guy who made the companion mode system did it in an hour Like it's just in an afternoon or whatever. He's like, oh, yeah, I'll do it. Don't worry and truly Well, that that was the grashnegg voice actor and he just wanted to be in the game for longer So he snuck into the opposite night and programmed a companion mode so he could be present Why can't he grab that? This ledge this ledge doesn't have a white line on it. Yeah, so he can't get up. Okay That's why they put the white line. That's the rules. You see He can't get up on that leg get on the barrell white Line on it, but if there was a light white line on it that he would be able to get there's no white light on it What the fuck And there you go, we did it never mind he says Never mind my orc friend has strangled over there I love the way that the game makes you feel like you've made no progression to do anything That's how I felt Excuse me What was that he faked you out he did. Yeah, he got you. Did you see that he got you He's pretending to turn around 80 like you know in one frame Got you We're finally escaping Wait, have I just taken a lift to go all the way down to start crawling in holes to crawl back up again Sometimes I don't sometimes I just get turned around in this game and I never know if it's my fault Or if the camera just did a A flim flam while I was looking away for a half a second I've been playing this now for two days. I ain't got a fucking clue what it's about Golem Oh, no, that's It's like contact with enemy dead and then rag doll he just spits into the wall You got me. Whoa That's how spiders typically like kill inconsiderate. Yeah, that's how they get their prey. Yeah, just touch them and they That's what happened to Frodo Something got you Oh Like I was just a tunnel if there's a spider there you're just dead Spiders getting some of that roasted golf Don't get me. I'm up here. Oh my god Oh The large pizza and some food rent some sweet and sour You all had the moment while we're playing Just like I need to lie down for a second So I just had to knock the brain cells I'd lost out in my head. I just had to knock him out my head Uh, did you seriously buy a ps5 for this? What? No What? This is next gen gaming Did you buy a ps5 for golem? No, no It might be a really good time to call up an ex-girlfriend that you had a bit of a falling out with you know Yeah, you haven't spoken to each other for a long time You're not interested in keeping touch, but you know the single It'd be good. It'd be good to call them up tonight. Just just hate fuck them Just hate fuck them thinking about this game You know what grab a wall fucking surface isn't this game who lights that fucking anything no just I Think that's the best representation of when you play this game. You just don't know Anything you don't want to he'll grab on to the little fucking goblin Might do it might not Anything no Oh that already counts I love it It counts mechanically it counts, okay, it doesn't matter if it looks like stupid shit. Shut up all of you You're making fun of something that's trying That's the truth. Oh, he's fucking trying. All right. It was definitely time for a rap battle Me go time for a rap battle Confinch we go out to attack why we squeals attack cause we go down good in the panic Keep panicking convince golem to keep panicking No He helped you I thought we couldn't kill mocks with helmets Call him cannot kill It's so brutal sometimes that I just goes like no, I'm not having this this time It's over. You can't resist fucking laughing when golem's lifeless ragdoll slaps against the wood It's true Fuck you People Like you you think you think you'd cool right is this on the section We're just doing stuff like what like what could what could go wrong? And then this game just throws you a curveball. It's like Here's a crate that goes down, but there's no rope attached to it anymore. We stopped We stopped toting in we didn't have the budget for the rope Very light. It's very light. It was helium in the boxes Here Wait, can we strangle this guy? Well, if he doesn't have a helmet Uh, oh no, what are you gonna do? I'm strangling. You have to wait. No, I was waiting I didn't like him that much I guess he's like, oh shit, I'll save you here. I come I'm doing it. I'm saving you Oh, this game is so shit Dude, it's so yes. I am. That's exactly how it works, buddy Yeah, very smart is not a term that I would actually Use when it comes to this game Gollum break down at eFap. No, I Even floating the idea of making the others play this is just Close to an impossibility. I think and a welcome to how to stop compulsive lying You Web Sometimes the game just has to take a moment catch up with itself. Yeah, the game is like, I'm not sure. Let me take Whether or not you die up on the game you're like, wait, no, wait, what wait? No, no, you're dead The ruling on the field has been reversed. Gollum is dead Oh A little bit too quick on the draw there Too excited to get on that cart I was uh, we're gonna we're gonna pause on this video and just load up a different one a second because I I collected the other deaths as has in this moment because they don't make it into this compilation, but Since I nearly died watching them. Um, I felt the need Oh, well here, uh, let me use the lu real quick and top off my drink and I'll be right back. Yeah Let me use my shotgun to my mouth for a second. Yeah, okay If anyone needs to go to toilet grab a drink or kill themselves. You've got your chance now This is your sick. Well, I'll be back in five. Yeah I I won't be back I will not return Fuck that shit That's a very special game and as you can gather from all of these clips. It's a very fucking small game It's long, but it's there's nothing in it It's smaller if a good way to describe it because what is the breadth of the experience it has to offer Like that it earnestly has to offer when you put aside the all of this shit Like what is the uh, what is the gollum experience? It's like I guess sneak around Some pretty stupid enemies Yeah For a while waste of time Jump on some platforms and and then Climb up a wall and then you you run up a wall and then you you jump from And it's it's really uh, it's man. It seems like super engaging. I'm sure that if the game worked it would be Really fun It doesn't have any intent or ambition to present anything of its own. It's just riding the gollum ip Like which is strange. Yeah That's all that has going for it. Like say this was about some random gremlin in a random fantasy setting made up by the authors like No one's going to pay this any attention whatsoever at that point Well, it's like that section we've just seen in the game is insane because it starts off with the uh The big guy on the wagon and you hide under the wagon And then he's like, oh no, we're going to get discovered. You need to find your own way So all you got to do is According to the guy you just got to find a way around to get back to the wagon But you've got but it's like getting from a to b and and b's like 10 meters away and you have to go through cd e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t you know, it's it just Takes you so far around for like a fucking 10 meter movement That's like you it is an exercise. I called it an exercise in wasting time Yeah, it didn't feel fun. It didn't feel, you know, like you were getting somewhere. I didn't feel like you were Developing it just felt like you were having your time wasted There's just that grand total of hanging on ledges Crawling on walls crawling into bushes enemies that have zero a. I basically and then rinse and repeat You know pull lever grab token on floor Hey, we're talking about doom eternal or golem. Oh my good No, I'm just fucking at least you have a gun in that game. I'd give golem a gun if I could Oh, I'm just having fun here. I'll have a fun. I am back. I'm ready to see All right, so this is as is happy Yeah, that's this video Nice name. Yeah, nice name for video It looks like you just slowed down He just wants to die It was so funny about I almost want to congratulate them for this if it would deliver it would be so good The way like golem commits like suicide before he hits the ground sometimes He's like i'm out before you actually die. See he kills himself Like no, i'm out. Is everything everywhere all at once or something. Yeah Yeah Get up! You stupid hell, fuck! Oh well Oh my god No Oh no, he died again Flores mama Go to the end All right, that's fun No, sorry He just shot himself and died of fear That's one of my favorite deaths from everyone's playthroughs It's fucking legendary And you know what's perfect about it as is how this is a plan It's like i'm gonna make it through this time I think I know how this works. It's like Dodge all the arrows beautiful And you're like i've done it I've beaten the challenge Oh I came back at the perfect time nice He's starting to hurt What? The arcs are gonna be shooting themselves He tried to stop When the game was just like wait the archers missed you oh you're dead now then You're just dead What is this sound effect? What is that? I just want the context that makes this so brilliant Conquered it he's gotten up here now He's done with the trap section Oh no Back down we go all the way You can see back to here Yeah, now we can go back Where are we here It's a journey I know today's D day But I kind of do feel It's G day Column day Column day Victory in gaming It's just fucking off game Alright here we go Oh what the fuck You broke your neck It really looked like he broke his neck It looks like he got a million dollar Column there Cracked into the side Like well I'm dead Oh my god My mouth is hurting That's what I got him to say when he was giving head It's actually amazing This section I think every person should play it on earth It's so funny It has the exact same experience for everyone What would they play it Oh you're playing with fire There's not even a rope There's no rope that connects the It doesn't hold anything Isn't it incredible Like 50% of the time they just don't hit you anyway Like they don't program to actually get you They miss And if they don't you hit the kill box maybe Yeah Nothing fucking works properly Oh my god Ow You can survive it It just kills you It's absolutely fucking unreal Aw man Fucking tunnel Fucking asshole Hey I'm nearly through a level And I've got the you can't move bug again Well you called me at a good time Cause I'm literally between Northamnites episodes We would up your stream and I saw it happen And I thought it was priceless That you continuously have the game fail you For the snap points on Grabbing platforming shit And then you angrily hit your controller A little on the table And now you got that wonderful glitch So you have to reset the chapter right I have to restart the whole Chapter It's a lot Dude when you were doing the Carriage part where you had to jump on it I nearly like chose to death For all that You did literally the exact same thing as me Where you eventually realize You have to jump up the thing right I did the exact same thing Got up there ran up the wall Didn't work ran up the wall try to jump Didn't work ran up the wall tried to do it Fell all the way back Slammed into the fucking road Gave me such a fucking turn Yeah We've been through shit you know We've been through shit Getting run over on top of it But I think you're just fucking lying Every one of us I'm about to on my stream I just go through it And explain how it is broken Just show perfectly how it's broken And all three of us had the exact same experience Why did you grab onto it this time What What How did I get on this How did this I don't understand I'm not gonna drop now because What You're supposed to run up here and bounce off So let's do it Board shift F Nothing Yeah Board shift F So now let's try Board shift Oh I don't think that's intended But it worked Looks like you snapped to the ledge Absolutely fucked bit of design Because this is one of the many parts of the game That they were like Players aren't gonna get this far They would give up before now You see how fucked this game is Do I need to explain any further Oh dear Chapter 5 Still The whole fucking stream has been chapter 5 Oh balls I did exactly the same I did exactly the same That's priceless See that again We can see that again I didn't see I didn't explain anything It's not funny It was like you die but whatever You can just keep going No other players made it this far Oh balls Got to see this What It's a sound It's the fucking sound That failed successfully It fills him with his carts Never with a dull boba With this fucker is there What happened to you two It does that by design Cutscene It's just a really painful landing Alright lads Too bad Oh my god That actually worked Is that intentional We are right back at the beginning Of the fucking game Repeat the whole level You're supposed to draw them out Come in behind them Drop down, shimmy across And I just jumped and skipped the whole thing Surely they noticed that obvious Like Well so I think Mel your playthrough you did it properly Like you actually did it the way they wanted you to And it works But they just don't Either they don't care or they don't know Like I don't know if they've played many games I don't know if they know of many people who play games a lot Just to see if things work or not But as you can see right now by the way The escalation points the one above He's not supposed to be that high It's not supposed to be happening The more I try to play the game by its rules Oh no I'm just getting more punished If I do it that way I'm just gonna do fucking shit and it works If only there was a way for us to open this door Saving crushed eggs as usual Look at that Look at that He's doing his best He's doing his best Oh my God It's just Non-stop quality Non-stop quality Oh look we're going back into the same 410 IGN Fucking area again Wait a minute isn't this the fucking beginning Wait a minute isn't this the fucking beginning Bit from the This is the beginning bit of the game We've just reused The beginning bit of the fucking game It's Sticky Is this the way to here Sticky we're not even in the breeding pits We're here for a while We're just gonna Eat him Oh yeah so the context for this is Giant tunnel you're supposed to climb up I did it like you know I was just Spamming jump and I went up there pretty fast The thing is they were playing Gandalf dialogue Talking to you but I've activated a cutscene So now you've got a Gandalf dialogue Layered on top of this cutscene that's what's happening Cut him off Oh no he's still going What's happening what the fuck We're kind of busy right now with a different cutscene Dialogue I think that's just like a creative decision They made that sucks I don't think like the way I went up the tunnel Was definitely not how they intended People going up there Yeah like the dialogue would definitely Have run out if I had gone up there normally What is happening How did he feast He left us left us and ran Left with our cart Left us and ran Golem won the fucking argument Finally some levity I thought that was a cutscene I get very very confused For some reason I don't know what it is But I just like blanked My thing is that My mouse is at the top of the options And then I thought in my head Oh because it's a new chapter Checkpoint you'd start level Because you just hit the new level It's silly logic But to be fair I only lost like 5 minutes It was really quick to get back here But I think Metal was a lot less lucky And then Az was incredibly less lucky With the level restarts Is this chapter 7 then What the fuck Hang on I need to see that Did I have an option to restart checkpoint Because I did not fucking see it Restart level Did I have an option to restart checkpoint Because I did not fucking see it Fuck me from 20 seconds ago that asshole Never go full retard Oh no No I fucking hated this Wow Are you fucking shitting on me Are you fucking shitting on me This game costs 43 British Pounds And there's worse camera angles Than a fixed camera game For the PlayStation 1 Here I am And we used to make steel I can't even know what they're saying Cruel Cruel Elf Why would you put English Why is that DLC is a great question I can't believe this They actually have made it So that if you buy the elven Obviously I'm under the impression here that You both didn't get the same thing as I did anyway I didn't see a difference in this game for buying The elvish and turning it on But the crazy part is Whatever they talk elvish there's no translation So you just don't know what they're saying I don't know if they meant to put it in and forgot or something But yeah Well I had the elvish at the beginning as well In my version Oh yeah I'm saying just basic code in general Not even about the DLC Because they didn't put English subtitles on it Yeah I don't buy that Probably elvish Not in this one That's some next level incompetence I'm actually kind of impressed That they're that thick When they approach this Navy in dead with the five dollars Just remember this is all for Gary To feel the pain later I really hope this is almost done for your sake I think I'm just about to start chapter 7 I think there's 10 chapters Yeah which means you have like 10 hours left Chapter 7 is like 50 days long Yeah it's like a lifetime long Isn't it? Chapter 7 is insanely long I was like am I still in chapter 7 It's like yeah it's like what the fuck Okay and it's so boring It's such a boring chapter as well You forgot the taste of bread Yeah The taste of Laos Why the fuck is there a bar here A random bar there A random bar You put that there This looks so fucking random Sheila would be like why is this here Stop there I didn't buy the DLC I don't know why they're speaking elvish I didn't buy the DLC No no no no No no no No sir I'm all I did though It wasn't me don't worry I deserve more elvish Alright So we got the same amount of elvish But I didn't buy the DLC In a way you benefited from the elvish That I bought I bought it for all of you That's how that works It's like a four pack This game gives you stage 5 cancer And that doesn't even fucking exist Must have been Look at that guy that guy just doesn't give a shit He's like hey He's looking at me He's like that's kind of weird That's a weird rock that's floating around there He just doesn't care It looks like he's dancing to fuck off He's like go away I'm on my break I know why are the elves in a cave Why are they in a cave Why not as We could have been in Rivendell We could have been somewhere We could have had some beautiful elven architecture Well this is Gollum This is Lord of Ring Gollum Once you get past this section With the elves in the cave And you get to the forest you get to meet the dwarves We have to throw it together for that Oh no no We got these Assets for a cave And We have to reuse them over and over And over and over And over and over and over And over and over again Because you know diversity I see we're not operating On Minecraft rules for water Oh no If you can jump to the side Jump to the fucking side Not to the fucking middle Gollum can't sleep I'm very inconsistent with this game Oh no this is why I got broke again That's way too small Did you see how big that bone was Devs never make a game again You are fucking Dog shit Also I need to jump down Then go back It's quite hard to make another game again after this Precious This is the only precious Find your way out Thanks game that's really fucking helpful I appreciate that Appreciate that It wouldn't let me jump to the wisdom I don't want to do a fucking riddle I'm not listening I was not listening I already forgot what she said Did somebody catch that How I did have to do a riddle So I was not paying attention You know that jump button that I pressed It'd be so cool if he actually jumped When I pressed that jump button This looks nice and peaceful Stay here with the mushrooms and have a party I am getting PTSD Those rutted walls like absolute cunts They choose what they work He went into this corner The wall right there into the wall And then I fell down Stop Oh this fucking Oh this far Yeah fuck this place It's still playing The fucking sound So this happened to all of us I don't know if it's on purpose or not Nothing on this game is unperfect When you start it spinning it makes the It'll eventually stop spinning but the sound just keeps playing It's like But if you die and you respawn You're hearing the sound so you think it's spinning So you jump up and then you get to Where Mel is and then you realize it's not So you gotta come back down to start it again Yep Also the way you make this thing spin You just Makes no fucking sense This is harp in the middle and you just Check it out and then this thing starts spinning I was like what That makes sense You're just kind of nitpicking It's not connected like in any way It's magic and you're a fool Spinning But it's not actually spinning anymore A little bit more and then we're stopping Look this actually looks pretty nice Trust me, when you've been in a fucking cave For fucking 16 hours It looks fucking nice, alright You're just legit When you move around to this game you're just like that worked? Sure, yeah, okay That's fine How did that happen? How did it even allow that to I'm gonna check behind In front of this curtain This was like the most miserable stealth Section because the solution for me was just Wait until they leave the room That's what I ultimately did, I was like Fucking half asleep by the time Like I realized that's the best solution Yeah, Mahler solved this puzzle Just the way the Valar intended No he didn't Cause he just sneaked around that guy In front of him I followed them all around and then did the guy They want you to do that They want you to follow him around and hide behind different things And have some fun but in reality Like I don't care about what they're talking about No one does The way they talk as well We could talk candidly now Oh god, yeah, the fucking Thranduil Back to shit The sound never changes We can talk candidly now That's how he says it Thranduil worse than the one from the Hobbit I like the Thranduil in the Hobbit Yeah, he's fine Except for that part where he says I'm patient I can wait I don't remember it, I'd have to re-watch Two games with better fucking Facial models than this shit If only there were ranged weapons Ow He had just enough life left in him Now they've got a dead Rotting golem up in there I'm gonna make you A crawl up here to get my body You assholes Can you grab that golem He's stinking up the garden My dick you're posing Golems is gonna stink up the place You over Fucking knife he had Toisted himself up And then died We're back underground again folks We're back underground again Fucking A Fucking awesome Fuck this game, I'm done I'm done tonight I've had enough I'm fucking done mate I am done The way I just died there is actually Really common as a Death format and you'll find That a metal died a lot that way I guess as too So the way this game works As you're crawling You can do a jump And now I grab on You see this? This is important We're learning here I can jump at any time And it'll grab But you can drop too See? When you reach an edge You can push up and then jump And it'll be like the best form of it And so can you see how a player might think Oh so I can just, I'm like a spider I can just jump left right Up down And as long as there's a patch of grabbable shit I will be fine So for example when you're here and you think I'm gonna jump right so hold right and jump Oh that one did work And then see how, oh that one worked But usually it doesn't and that's how it just died See? That shit That is why the platforming For many reasons, you rely on it And then it kills you all the time Yeah because it's like these are ledges If you drop you can often die Yeah the amount of times I died from a sideways jump That grabbed onto nothing Like the game was like hey it'll work And you're like thanks and then the game was haha You're like oh I lied Shit that's one of the many aspects of it But the irony of course Is that another thing that makes this game shit is the snapping If the snapping were even harsher That jump back there might have worked properly They can't make it too harsh Because then I'll be able to do things like I have been doing Where I jump through the whole fucking map Do a flip Oh that's grabbable okay Sometimes I can't tell Try to jump across They'll never find your body I just smelled I just smelled it here so bad Also where'd that golem guy go Also loads of flies are over there That's the exact way I guess you kill so fucking much When you think the game is in your favor But it ain't Oh wow I guess it was shallow The lady in here she sings it too And it sounds just like the Game of Thrones theme This is really strange Play there flanly With a $2 just woke up at 7.30am As please Don't die today I mean IRL or in the game Cause IRL possibility In the game absolutely Just climb up dude come on Get me out Come on Look he's trying You can jump like he's back in the reading pits IRL What would he gain from finding Nasty Riddle Master Why Why though Why That's how you do it That's the way you wanted me to do it That's the mechanic What's the mechanic You did the mechanic and it was like No you did too much of the mechanic Now that you've had some practice You're gaming too hard Enough of your gaming That's what we need That's an interesting death box over there You've been discovered What You got gilded You can't spell discovery without disco very We can't game this Game We can't start like this You know if you drowned That wouldn't be so bad I like just floating around Holding left right now I just want you to know that It obviously matches the way Gollum is facing Not often How games do it just saying I can't let it get to me so early The thing Only three people on earth will have completed this game Me as a That's it I don't think I mentioned that enough yesterday I don't think I made it clear Europeans are calling some serious weight For the developers of this game Lizards in the boardroom looking back and they're going to be like Man our game is huge over in Europe On the why Percentage wise it's very impressive You said Norbert in Britain Europe decided During the elf parts We're just going to put some bullshit on the wall Right With Gollum feet and hands And that's a wall jump But that's all we do we're not going to tell the player about it It's funny Mel you picked this up I didn't It was presented to me and I just sort of Was like oh I must have missed the tutorial Or I missed the understanding of what this is It's just a fucking new mechanic they drop on you In the platform Fucking seven tenths of the game through It's like okay then About this Now you figure it out asshole If that's not how it always works anyway First time you see this Like what the fuck is this And then you jump onto it it's like these little stops Like okay are we grabbing onto this Like the other things then you just fall down It's like what What does that mean it's like oh it's a wall jump It's a wall jump I just love the edit here because what Mel just described Someone could have I just put it in there but we never told anyone We'll put it on there You figure it out bitch I don't want to fuck it up I can't remember how those platforms work Because they never told us Yeah I'd check it out What Yeah this is like the worst part to figure this out Because you have to go all the way back around again For those who don't know that just reset me like Two minutes of platforming What's what we call soft encouragement I think I was supposed to hit jump As I'm glad you're enduring this So we don't have to Cheers I gotta fuck yourself Joshua I wish you were enduring this and not me I wish you were not me I wish it was you and not me It's fine that the mechanics just randomly don't work That's fine I don't know why you guys are complaining It keeps the game spicy Variety is the spice of life I'm going down I'm going down Okay now I know what to do It's just funny to imagine that these elves Come back in here and there's just a dead golem on the floor It's like what happened here It would be even funnier if it was seven dead golems From your attempts It's just a golem What the hell happened Absolute trial and error Oh they put me a checkpoint here that's nice of them See They knew There's a deer head up there What the fuck They knew how fucked up this place is They knew how fucked this is They would have never put a checkpoint here otherwise There's no way There's no reason In any other game To put a fucking checkpoint right there Because in a functioning platformer You're back up there in 30 seconds But they knew They fucking knew Completely right Dude people aren't going to want to do this entire thing Over and over and over again Just a fucking checkpoint there There's no reason Is that a rope? Well I don't know because you won't let me read it Because I got to pay extra to read the fucking law You'd be okay to read collectibles But yeah it's a law you must pay So if you're going to read with the collectibles You can only look at them lying on your cloth You can't zoom in on them Actually hurts me You can zoom in on that rope Well yeah The only way to beat this Is to just stay the fuck still and do nothing Like Why Video games are a medium Just so you know His name is Elven King That's a shadow Phone home bitch I was dying laughing No Holy there was a better way He's like you bastard You're making me run so far Oh no Three were made for the elves That's the wisest Why are the other ones not doing anything Because he needs the exercise It's his love man He just leaves I'll be back at the I'll be back at the fence if you need me That was the depth of He died His eye is open Speed and AIK with a 22 This is the worst Game ever not the year I am I think there's a high possibility This is the worst game I've ever played in my life And I've played The Last of Us Part 2 I have also played The Last of Us Part 2 And yeah No no no no Pretty great Bro plays Look at this army of useless Idiots He's got to be here somewhere If you get stuck on this route You deserve to die Are we going to get out of this mess This is the standoff now Do you think he can't get Because of the route that I am Fucking stuck on The whole building hasn't even loaded in Where did he go Oh no this is a different life now The whole building here is gone This is just gone I don't know how that happens He's gone torn off He's not even here anymore What These are strange lands Bro Don't fucking be serious Look at all these croners Hard work We've usually got cod reloaded And all the buildings were gone And loaded Twice That was great There was just kind of Craters in the ground Oh no What the hell Well they needed to make sure this was an option That's three of those chimes It's good that the player can do this Well you could tell that Asa's having a lot of fun here Yeah Probably the most fun I had in the game In the game that clearly got all of the time it needed elsewhere This was the thing to spend time on I think No I think the UI says it all Play with chimes Why I choose to read that as an imperative Is that the sound of them all coming back in Yeah there you go Hello Smeagol Goodbye Smeagol Goodbye Smeagol If only his AI could work I could then run him around Oh she found me What She might have found you she can't do it long They literally throughout the whole game They've never done that before Then she just does it randomly I'm sorry What When does this happen how Oh god Metal luck Thoughts of the level haven't loaded He's in the floor Alright it is our responsibility To actually survive now Hey don't you like the way that The golem you know If you do the golem vision it will show you the root I like the way that the root Will also loop you right Background to where you started from Oh the fucking Those stink lines can be so useless Oh again Not again Oh no Not again You have to go to the top to do the thing And then once you've done the thing at the top Which would not kind of put a marker to Because you know we're going to be as vague as fucking humanly possible Then you got to go down to the marker And then and then I could have started streaming like an hour ago But I was procrastinating so hard Is this like a Tim Burton character Is this what you usually play Or is this like just boring stuff coming up What the fuck It's still alive There you go I think I'm going to have to burn the PC After this game I think I need to I don't think the PC I think it's too contaminated Hey Molo this might be of assistance Try pressing control alt delete And then click on lord of the rings golem And then end task mate That might be it yeah I'll have to see about that Hello It went down with me yesterday Now that you've got all five I don't even want to explain what the fuck this minigame was Oh no just no But then I won't know what you mean Well That sounds like absolute pain Because I am currently just I need to probably look at all the stink lines To figure out where exactly All of these are supposed to go Oh one's correct As they don't Until they play it They don't know Until they play the game They don't know There is something you get from playing the game That people who haven't played it don't get Just something that is a special source Yeah Oh yeah shielf with feathers Which one of these have I not done Bow knife They don't know Wait why does barefoot shielf How come the Hold up here The text on the um Just a second let me just scoot this back Just a bit How come all the little elf with knife Dandifer she elf with braids Seethel How come barefoot shielf is just barefoot she elf She took her boots off Oh yeah because I'm like I have found out half the clues Haven't got a name yet And then you had to find An origin point of when she started walking But the game Just decided That it didn't want to give you that Until it wanted to give you that Oh it's so painful I had walked over that spot multiple times Without any Prompt showing that this is the area And then About the 15th fucking walk around It went oh yeah there Across many many times This is yet another example of some artists Made most of the assets and then they made This map and then they were like what do we do though The player has to do something We'll just have a bunch of places they gotta go Go to a place click button go place click button Go place click button and then you click To correct the names to the stones And then you've completed the spell And you've done the area it's just nothing There's nothing here That right That does sound like it extends the time I mean she didn't seem to complain Riddle game I thought it was oh wait Now I've got an achievement what Oh yeah you've got all the riddles Oh right I missed the thing whatever Okay yeah Bye What am I gonna do to celebrate after I finish the game I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck I'm gonna wank myself into oblivion Lol mel to sleep We're gonna golem's ass all these hours Golem mode baby I'm gonna get Okay so make blind elf tired The goal right now is me to kill it You understand that's my goal So I gotta make her tired Describe the sky so rags Should you say the moon it's almost full now Or it's a starless night To make someone tired Well When I go to sleep And I look at the sky Let's see at night when I go and look at the sky And I wanna go sleep I sure hope that there's a moon in it Because boy those moons they make me tired Let me tell ya That big ol' moon Who castin' a sleepin' spell on me I see a moon in that sky And I just oof I start to yawn And sometimes I fall asleep on the spot Dangerous I'm like a reverse werewolf I see a moon in the sky and I take a nap I'm like oh boy It's like a depressant I was like well The moon would be bright And then with darkness It's a blind elf Why the fuck does it matter They're asking me so what do you want me to do Oh maybe Maybe a starless night So that it's dark like what they always See quote unquote This is what I mean the question was already confusing Cause she's blind But what's your preference If you're tired Definitely a moon For me it would be Nice and dark cause then there's less light Maybe but I don't like it when it's like super dark I want a bit of light My maximum preference is absolute Darkness for sleeping No light in my eyes at all I like a bit of light and I like a bit of noise too I don't like it when it's dead quiet I like a fan runnin' A very little like a video Playing really really quietly Brass band What? Brass band Brass band What? Brass band Oh I mean like if they were Like not playing And they were just sitting there and maybe the ambient noise Of them just shuffling in their spots On the chairs or Every so often is a Yeah yeah yeah So they could watch over me while I sleep And then Every morning at 6am Boom boom boom boom Boom boom boom boom boom It's a good way to wake up They're starless nice and dark So they can't see me strangling her That was my logic Cause I can't be seen strangling her Your face is Nice starless night Not a single piercing spark No stars That's not a good omen How the fuck am I supposed to do that Why did you not read the portent smaller That's my bad The omen say No moon, no sleep Do it Do it Do it Goddamn you're just choking this blind elf Yeah why not It's the golem root apparently They just give up for no reason at all So it doesn't matter what you choose I took the smeagle root Where he doesn't throttle her But ends up doing the same thing At the end of the game At the end of the game she says you tried to throttle me I'm like no I didn't Yeah they don't care They just didn't try to You lying bitch So you don't know you're blind Yeah you don't know what I was doing Like his head Let him Meet us back on the menu boys Meet us back on the menu I like cruel elf Classic golem Classic golem They are high elves now Well that explains it Look at his face He is also blind elf Oh look at his forehead The shit on his forehead We got the lipstick right Those are supposed to be beautiful Why do their faces look like Melted butter Yeah it's like someone's trying To do like a black and white sketch Of What's his face Golden ears and And savage No no no He played in What's his He played in the Movie I can't believe I forget his name David Bowie that's it These elves look like someone tried To draw David Bowie from memory But they hadn't seen him in a long Long time and that's an elf Alright Yep there we go He slipped him Or whatever that was like head But in the floor What's really funny about it is it refreshes So now I can actually make that jump Like I can take the damage you know Or that could happen instead Fine A very special stone This one A kidney stone She just didn't say anything Wow She just Oh nice dialogue But I was just standing there What now Now nothing That's all you had to do That's all you had to do Wait your fucking time That's all you had to do You felt nothing Why he's gone and let the roam free after all the things he's done so far Because we gotta have a video game But they don't know how else to do it I can't sleep now No you can sleep with him He's not gonna let that go And go left The fables are full No they're here I'm gonna throttle you But wait Wait you turn I hope you guys didn't like Gary You're gonna watch him get throttled Okay I'm still on the ladder Yeah This is it for me Where am I going That would do Do you guys even get me in water No That couldn't get you on the ledge Clearly Oh no arrows No No run Oh Jesus Wow he was ready for you Yeah Let me turn it off Just because you're talking doesn't mean I can't turn the fucking thing off It's attached to his voice The game for whatever reason won't let me go over there Because it would be fucking logical Jump We are navigating this place I'm glad it's pitch fucking back again And you can't see what the fuck You're meant to be fucking Well game Game if you could Let me fucking see Then maybe Maybe We could judge things a little bit better But because you You won't let us fucking See anything It's so dark it fucking dingy Everywhere And we're meant to make critical fucking Jumps and moves But you don't want us to fucking See anything You know normally when you go Over these like rooms I had to change the route I was going Because that bar was there So if you want to grab that bar This is like oh no no You need to go back behind you To a ledge to go up and go into completely Different direction Even though the fucking smell You could see was wrapping around to go Well it was shit because You seemed to come close to grabbing it So it was like oh I guess I just I fucked up the jump a little bit Also yes Ended up going into completely 180 degrees To that and got out The lock balls apparently didn't make the edit I'm so sorry The lock balls They're normally like attached pretty naturally To these trees But look at this one This is just like a A thick branch That seems like it's just attached To the tree Like if this is the tree This branch I'm standing on right now Is just like Branch Walk on it Hey you know those You don't know how trees grow in This branch Middle Earth This isn't contradictory to anything I don't think Avoided, yeah Now it's elves And you're doing the same thing Are we still looking for that stupid Mel bitch? I don't fucking Don't care Wait, hang on I don't I thought we were home Just go You little shit, just get the fuck Out of here You can stop anytime Mike You fucking take that passive Aggressive attitude on you Turn around Stick your hand through your fucking legs And shove it up your ass We were at least two hour Game stuff This is just aggressive I was just aggressive But I checked the long play There was like three hours left Maybe I am finishing That bottle of vodka tonight Street Fighter 6 On my hard drive ready to go I could play an actual Video game What am I doing? I'm getting drunk playing this piece of shit That's your last arrow And there are many more of us behind me Well If I could fucking line up her shots It wouldn't let you move It would not let you move until you And I threw it at him And yet it landed at her feet By the lips of it and she got shot I don't think there's anything you can do about that I think he always wins, I'm not sure It's really clunky this scene I just jumped over there and then things happened So I'm sure this is supposed to be a crossbow But don't tell me this doesn't look like He's just holding a fucking shotgun right now Or a rifle Why did that happen? I was just walking I was just walking It is an insult that they demand A triple A pricing for this game It's insane to me Oh fucks sake This piece of shit is not going to go switch This is in the wrong place Fucking all of a sudden This takes so long to do so little Shut up Gollum Is that one on the left hand Is that one on the left hand side Literally where it says switch left But I can't, no I can't Because the fucking text Is over the goddamn fucking deer Like how fucked is it Because this is the correct thing to do Right, this one Coming up, this Because this is the deer But But now the Gollum He's bugged He says this looks like He's been gone in Mordor too long To actually make it the other one Try suicide How about that I don't know why that didn't work the first time You set it correctly Then you have to come out of it and go back in again To prompt the cutscene This is Gollum Lord of Ring Gollum You've been retarded Fucking game You're gonna go up and down this like a fucking yo-yo Sorry game it's difficult to jump When you can't see What you're fucking doing Because your camera angles are so fucking shit You don't realize That at the end of the game It should be a culmination Of everything that you fucking learned Not the addition There's something fucking new Gollum grabbed his ears You've never had in a fucking game Wait Quit Fuck off Burn the building and do this again Do this again That was a little upset You didn't even put in what the solution was Because that was the most retarded part For anybody who wants to know There is like I'd say 30% of the total gold There is so much That happens in all three of our playthroughs That you haven't seen We couldn't do everything This is already a 2 hour 18 minute video Well maybe just to Shortly say it for everyone in chat Because the reason as this whole ran there So you go around You find one gem You put this in one of the slots And it's like okay this looks like but it's still one missing And then you run around in fucking circles forever Trying to find that last Gem you need There's no fucking gem here And then at some point you see like oh wait There's like an unlimited amount of stones So I guess I need to throw it at something And then you use a little stank vision That you have and nothing lights up Nothing you're like what the fuck is happening And then all of a sudden you see A random nest up there It's like huh And then you line up your shot And it turns screens like you can't be fucking serious And you throw the stone at it And then the gem falls down Nobody mentions it to you You never had to throw anything To make it loose in the game ever It didn't highlight you It's insane It's absolutely insane And it was just like why would it be in a nest Have they ever even done a throw a stone In a nest before why Why did you do this to it And then to have him bug on top of it And not even recognize what a leaf is Or dia And then you put in the gemstone When it's the correct one And nothing happens You have to cycle through one of them As you already mentioned To re-trigger the scene happening It's all kinds of fucked It's insane You're getting the conclusions to the problems That you're not seeing Hell was fought through by all three of us So you entertain yourself playing the game How did they fucking see me Rod Shut up alum No it's a game So they finally have moving platforms Like this by the way Which I've expected them to have in this game This whole time Magic Whatever justification you fucking watch Why aren't they in the game If you're gonna use Literally the last 5% of the game Only has this If you're gonna be as No it's not the last 5% It's like the last 10% Introducing like Fundamentally new like Environmental hazards And platforms in the last 2% of the game This is some of the most Well understood like ways to make Interest way more interesting Like platforming levels What's this in the whole game The environment a little bit more dynamic Yeah because this like multiple way Like even in this bit Because you got all the shitty golem mechanics But this is a moment Where if this map were made with some level of creativity If there was no bugs It might be good If it was all ironed out Mechanics worked and you have these moving platforms And different ways to approach to get to the other levels Like oh like a platformer It's like yeah remember those I was kind of surprised they even had these I was like oh my god this is almost like a platformer Have them Oh yeah It just didn't allow me up there anymore He's not grabbing it anymore He's refusing He usually snaps to it but he's just no It's simply not possible It just can't be done Golem isn't prepared for this kind of Crazy wacky manoeuvre What's that Not the time for chests Is it orcs will find another way Yeah How How will they find another way When this is the only way in The bug will tell them The bug will tell them The fucking point of it The whole point of that right You put the gems in To get the deer which is the symbol But you still then have to Use the password to get through Like elf magic or some shit Yeah so how the fuck are they Gonna get through They just do And then there's a point later on Where you split up From the two elves You go do your tower he's meant to be doing his Tower and then when you've done yours And you go back to the middle Mel says oh Fuck with muck duck face Hasn't come back and you go help You go find him He's broken his leg So you've got to do his tower As he's using his elf magic healing his leg Then when you've done his tower An orc just is a fucking In the same room as him It's like how How has the orc got there Magic None of this none of this None of this fucking makes a liquor sense At all I can't I need this to be over I can't make my psyche Can't handle much more As a breaking point Okay we'll change them now I never want it back We hate it, we hate it Oh you did the same as me then Yeah Self of pain Okay so how did you hurt yourself I'm really curious Never drink and golem I like the way that when she looks up Her hair just stays like that What's up man It doesn't drop down Because it's so poorly animated Come on you're asking a lot Like what else Yeah you're entitled Toxic toxic gamer Oh of course No you can't You can only grab it Where we want you to grab it Fuck off Do you guys ever play Alice the madness Returns I enjoyed it I can't remember if it was good The form That game was much better than this I know that's a shock Fuck off I mean sure fine Just make a dead end and then have the character say That's a dead end and then you go there and be like Dead end You could have just not made it that way Why not just not have a dead end then What's the point There's not even a bug at the end for you to fuck around with Oh no Also I gotta be honest I am noticing A distinct lack of Emote usage I'll have you know That I used it loads And the wolf has cut them out apparently Apparently he's an anti-emote Emote racist The river game Wait wait wait what happened to the guy with the stiff beard The guy in Mordor He dies Yeah He's in the game and then After one of the days you finish your work You go back he's just dead in the cell Oh well that's easy Oh yeah you went that direction I sold him to the The light order I sent him up So he just goes up I sent the orcup the white orcup Well I mean now if I ever play this game Now knowing those two endings Well at least you fucking die useful Either he dies or he dies What if you send the white orcup Then they're gonna rip his arm off or whatever Well and that's how he has his Ripped off arm Yeah Azog needs that to happen Yeah Why would you put a grab area In the game When you know full well They can't grab it Because you've made it non-grabable And so you've gone Oh yeah these areas These are where you can grab and climb In the game and then on the last Fucking level Right at the end you go Oh yeah but not this one True True though I'm looking at all of these levels Even after you get out of Mordor and your Elftown And everything They didn't stop making the game It's not like they decided to cheap out And rush through the environments and everything They fully intended for this to be like The game Like as finished as it was at the beginning You know it's not like it's lacking You don't see any cut corners Or like graphical laziness As the game progresses Seems to be like they really did Intend people to actually get this far Huh Right Is this his? Is this his? I can't even fucking tell No no no No no wrong way Snooze you lose Oh my fucking god That was a kill issue Put a grab around fucking every ledge Game Before I do something Mean and permanent Wanna work game There you go Those walls were just a Lore into themselves Sadoos meekle Sadoos meekle with the ring We're a long way from the breeding pits You guys think fish really? I think it's fish Of course he loves fish But like What's gonna convince meekle You could be a lord and make everyone friendly It's like oh that's something he likes You can make yourself invisible That's something he likes Fish is something he really likes He likes fish so juicy sweet They're not like those nasty potatoes We wanna win this The person who made this was made by a potato Smeekle can have fish all day Fresh from the river More than Smeekle can eat The elves gave Smeekle fish too They have got deep fish The one that's dead now Because of Smeekle Smeekle made a count It's so funny you could have all the fish in the world The elves gave me fish Yeah but he's dead It's like I want to but golem 1 What I didn't even I had 2 out of 5 Yeah it did that all the time What the fuck all of that was fucked Yeah because this one's gonna count To the next one that's gonna count What's happened I tried to take the stairs I should have taken the elevator You failed I can't move it Wait what are they implying that he broke The fucking stairs Under his colossal girth Well elves are notoriously heavy Exactly he says I tried to take imaginary Stairs and fell Any way to get out of this game You see there were no stairs And he kept walking anyway See this is the meme shit I love about you That's so stupid But there are no stairs That's correct That's why I hurt myself Hi I have opinions Oh no He might spot you look out Where does he come from Where did he come from It's so intense Wicks meagle This is so fucking stupid What the hell I have to make a moral choice Let me make it How did the orc get there No let's just play this logic Let's say the orc came in the same way That we did And jumped on the same platforms that we did And bounced off into that room And grabbed the ledge And climbed across Then what would he do when he comes up Hit see the fucking guy on the floor Oh you definitely would have seen that guy But you have to understand Lord of Ring Golem It's different It's built different He was sitting in the Stank Shadows so he couldn't see him immediately Must have been Must have been Must had been Scared little orc Oh ok that's done You'll the orc betray the Why would betray the elf Be the Smeagle one Yeah I had the same reaction Why do they must have accidentally flipped those No the reason becomes clear Smeagle is simping for the elf's Girlfriend and he believes that if the elf Was to die he can get her all to himself Yeah That is the reason Golem on the other hand is like simping his cringe Can we please go back to just eating fish Based Golem Just go back to eating fish I'm sorry did I completely Misunderstand the entire What's happening Golem wants to kill the orc But Smeagle wants to betray the elf Smeagles a sim I mean I'm going golem mode lads So I gotta be with golem Every time golem won the argument So We're gonna have to pull back Smeagle from his simpery Kill him no of course not Good Smeagle just throw a little stone Then mel can be our friend forever I say bird Smeagle never did it any harm Did he know Smeagle gave it life It loves Smeagle forever Candleman said so very well What it betrayed you By the way As Mel found out Depending on how the fucking game feels He will say it betrayed you and he goes Oh yeah that's true or you'll go But the candle man said it loves me The candle man also wants me dead by the way Yeah It's absolutely fucking nuts The system breaks all the time Why did you even implement it You know why That didn't even make any sense What do we do now What was the logic You're losing the argument I don't even What the fuck But I'm starting to think we should go with the opposite of what we think is correct So Grashnik Remember the Grashnik That one didn't go home to his desert No the precious The precious made us do it Yes we heard that one before Valacious arguments Smeagle So it is literally this We just do the opposite of what we think is correct Fuck sake we almost lost the argument there That was close I did the exact same logic as you I tried to go Logically with the first two and they failed So I just went Illogically with the last two You won the argument Well the joke is you golem can't lose here Unless you do a specific thing Yeah you tried your ass off to I tried for like 30 minutes I restarted a whole bunch of times A little too much restarting actually once But yeah you need to Give that witch some water or something Right that's the way to get it Because otherwise you don't have enough arguments That was so close never let that happen again Okay Jesus Strangling another guy with helmets If only I could do something as an elf Oh he's got a helmet on You can't kill them With helmets That was a fucking rule You cannot kill the ones with helmets Fucking broke the entire game Even though the game had told you That Smeagle Can't throttle Orcs with helmets Here we go Smeagle Smeagle Smeagmo Smeagmo Because why be consistent Candleman is calling the dark lord And we don't want him to come known No we don't Oh okay Yes he did this for me Oh wow she is blind Blind elf stay here One of my blind powers Candleman is calling the dark lord If I can't see the ground how can I walk on it Oh my god she's floating Destroy it Fucking floating Grounded For me she was vibrating Run up It's a fucking run up So when a run up You didn't say how far That was one of the most perfectly tied glitches ever Oh my god is the power stone in there Lucky that random thing was there What are we doing now Winning Also Smeagle I'll die this way I'll die this way That's nubbed on It's so pathetic I can't go any further It won't let me This game is one of the best games for Just try again And it might work You know like when you have a torch for Americans Flashlight and it's not working And then you just bang it and do the same thing You did again and then it works That's what this game is Fuck you bird You were white when I made you Yes Whatever Why is this cutscene though What a fucking What a bunch of horse shit Oh no You laid the cutscene in the cutscene Because it needs to load in the cutscene Yeah The first has been chilling with the guy This whole time and all of a sudden I'm actually like Smeagle better We don't get to get the girl We're so close Smeagle and we're gonna end up together But rip Is there something on my face There's not something on my face You're telling me right Thank you she's blind oh thank god Don't fucking touch me woman Femoid Lucky they met good Smeagle But it's a long way home And the kind They strangled him in his sleep again Smeagle you gotta You got a bit of an obsession with the old Breaking decks and strangled people thing You gotta relax Oh no they actually did Smeagle Alright he's probably keeping watch He's trustworthy We're just gonna lie down now Darling let's just go I'm fucking fall asleep on a dime Look I'm just about Fucking pour lava on him now Oh my god it's not even a rock Isn't the whole haven't you already resolved this By the other thing They just throw this in anyway They're just like fuck it kill a both Do it do it I can hear that rock God every time man Every time he just Gives up and leaves Cucks out every time Did everything I could to get the evil ending Oh okay I thought they were gonna make you do the choice Dude man betrayed me They have to listen to him arguing with himself On the rock What was there What the fuck It's just like where's the graphic I guess they're going for a thing here They're going up It's so focused on We're not gonna give you anything to distract you It's just these two options and this is dramatic Will you kill the bird or will you let it I'm just like I don't fucking care I can't still get over the goofiness of the Fonds Such a great absorbing Screen isn't it It looks like something's fucked up But you can't know with this game I was expecting credits And then it's just suddenly like by the way Kill bird or let bird Well I'm Gollum playthrough Gollum every day Gollum all day every day Gollum.com We'll get to Bilbo and get that ring back That's Just end For the love of God Just fucking end Is this the one of four endings thing Grab the throat Gollum do it It's gonna go Okay Well they did that They didn't show it fully but they showed some of it So why would he kill the bird Is this the one of four endings thing I told him to because that was the Gollum option And I'm playing as Gollum It's me Gollum Then just fucks off It had its chance I can't trust the bird The bird betrayed us by the way so fuck it The bird was only pretending to be nice Yeah but I mean what's that worth Gollum once save equals out I kill it Don't be fair How's that bird? Fuck it And when the precious is ours again Then they all has to be friendly Don't they my precious Very polite to good old Meagle We will make them Make them Roll Gollum Enki I don't know if Gollum or Meagle Would do this At all Over Anytime thanks for two bucks What rating would you give this if you had to I don't know That's pretty close to a one I think Probably it is probably a one I mean this is I think this is the worst game I've ever played in my life I think this is actually The worst game this is worse than Dark Souls 2 There I said it Dramatically worse I think this is worse than Dark Souls 2 Right now I mean I'm just coming right Dark Souls 2 has mechanics in it I'm pretty sure this is worse than Dark Souls 2 Um Fellowship time Yeah do it One game it seems like they probably Have the rights to it too like or at least they could They have the rights to be able to show some stuff I'm guessing Sometimes it's down to just like you can reference Things And maybe name them but you can't show them Like you can be really specific as to What you are and are not allowed to They show us a drawing of the Fellowship They don't show us them walking around as models Yeah cause you can be like Oh we can talk about Morgoth You ain't gonna see him though You know things like that you know It's a big door there Gollum I don't know That's right buddy We show that turn who's boss You show that turn who's boss The masses The masses stone door didn't budge What the fuck Is that the ending really We did it everybody that's it that's the end Wayne Forester I would I would say like put a fucking fake name down Pay me Pay me But don't put my name on this But I want to get money for this It was emotional torture Oh Fuck This game goes from oh this is funny Memable to holy shit This is so fucking boring Please end me Back to Memable But all the way through It's just fucking awful I mean this is just I have nothing Good to say about this except it's being Memeworthy Perhaps oh look at this they got fucking concept art Of the fellowship but that's not Got anything to do with the game or is this like a Is this like a Resident Evil 4 This is like Resident Evil 4 yeah this is what happened Next additional QA They were they were actual quality Assurance people there have been More people watching me No that's whole shit than it was More people watching Mahler And And Jay Longbourn Jay Longbourn is that the new Blood Board game I had like 5 vodka Some things in me at that point so that's fine Then people ever playing this game At its peak This QA stands for something else So much QA That is actually true from Madon It's all lies It must stand for Withering anus This took 5 years to make apparently 5 fucking years It took 6 years to make And that game was Mechanically fucking amazing They showed us the web developer there Do you like this whole like The way it's they've managed to make the Credits clunky Which is genuinely impressed Collectibles let's have a look at the collectibles Shall we Only 16 Like in the old times Of these scraps Man Of course you can do that, why not That's easier Wee Just broke yourself Tears of joy Tears of the kingdom Of Gollum Germany created the third fucking Right kid it wasn't as bad as the shit Gollum was a scorn Oh fucking scorn, scorn was I think scorn was way faster I just love every time any of us Are asked the first thing we say is It's way shorter Scorn is like 4 hours If you're slow The reality is like well what else You're like no no it's fine It's just Well scorn was just horrifically boring So like It's shorter though And it functioned a little bit better Wait what A little bit better Wait what 6.1% Of players have finished chapter 9 Yeah But 6.7% Of players Have finished chapter 10 How's that fucking work How can less people have completed Chapter 9 than chapter 10 Even their achievements are fucked The computer's The computer's good it's Getting thrown away Even Gary finished in the game That's never gonna happen Gary's not gonna be able to get out the first fucking room Okay We gotta keep things into perspective here But my god will Mauler and I Be dying laughing in the process I feel bad because this is the product I remember this part You gonna show what happens next Oh god what you bring me Oh There it is Mine And tabulous Now admittedly of course Lots of bits you didn't get to see There's so much more fun things to see I glitched out a whole thing where I couldn't even prompt A cutscene to move on in a level I had to reload There was this countless deaths Countless glitches Obviously lockables Didn't quite make it in I don't know about all of these miracles Then like I said Mine are in the unlisted playlist On my home page at the bottom Metal's is on metal forged channel Mine playlists on there right Or is it the commander channel that has the archive Metal commander has the Archive is the Moodle channel But it's not on there yet I'm still uploading the Tears of the Kingdom ones Because they're long as shit The metal has betrayed his audience And not provided them the golem There's an unlisted playlist Like here go to a channel page Scroll down and then you have the big old playlist With all the games That sounds like a terrible system That's your system you fool HVB Gaming Which has all the parts up already As far as I know You can check out the full experience And they're all demonetized Due to foul language I stopped even trying Foul gaming This is all limited or nothing Like yeah whatever fuck it That whole section always died several times Lock balls Yeah the meme for those who don't know Is just they are announcing lock balls Sounds like lock balls They're doing some orc speech And we die over and over again So that keeps resetting the dialogue And then just keeps saying lock balls Exactly good But I believe in it I feel strongly about it So yeah what are we thinking golem Not bad Yeah like 6 out of 10 6 out of 10 Well it's funny because You saw that series of highlights And it's like you've gotten such an obvious Impression of how just there's just nothing In it and it's an expanded Waste of time The devs knew they just had to Waste our time as best as they could Like even if it had No bugs it's like What is on offer here Nothing it's fucking empty Seems like it's empty The stealth in it is absolutely laughable And of course the platforming They barely have sequences where you just have A platform And then another platform to get to Most of it is that stupid snapping Onto wall climbing things Oh yeah Like 70% of the platforming is that And it completely fucks you Perception of what you're supposed to Jump onto because as I said already Like sometimes it just snaps you onto things like Oh that doesn't look like I'm supposed to make that jump There was a jump in Shilob's cave Where uh You could tell they built a whole system Where you're supposed to like go all the way around and up And then you can come out the bottom and jump So you can come back to where you were And I just like I saw the exit And I just jumped toward it Clearly missing but it snapped me onto it Basically in back through the Back through the back way And just ignore the entire platforming challenge There's loads of stuff like that It's Horrifically badly built And from what I gather they're making their next game So they're moving on I assume They're already making Their next Lord of the Rings game The apology was really Well so that's Talk about unfairness right Like if they actually get to make two Lord of the Rings games And it's just like that's not fair Can you please let someone With talent use the IP I wonder if like they Agreed to be able to make Like a couple from the get go Like regardless of how the first one did They just get to have a second Like they brought the ability to make two games But they want to get EA games back Into control of all these Games now That of whoever it currently is I remember that Age of Lord of the Rings games It was nicer, it was better Third Age was fun Third Age, good times Two towers in Return of the King They're fun I never actually played them Should I give them a play at some point Honestly, unironically Like the Game Boy ones are pretty darn good I played the two towers In the Return of the King games For Game Boy Advance And there you could choose between Bunch of different characters Game plus over and over And you get like you level up And you get a whole bunch of new weapons And stuff that change your stats Like your movement speed and things of that nature And it's kind of like a neat little Like looter action Sort of game And I really dug them I quite liked them I don't know if they hold up well They probably do decently But yeah the Game Boy Advance ones If you could get an emulator They're quite good They're worth the fun little run through And yeah so It's amazing you got like You know, barely something we could even call stealth Platforming is absolutely atrocious The bugs, the graphics, the dialogue The I was about to say the editing And I guess what I'm referring to is just how they deliver Loading screens, cut scenes And gameplay to us Like it's all clunked and falling apart and stitched together But then on top of all of that Optimization is fucked Really guys And so it makes for just It's hard not to say it's one of the worst games ever made It's a really great specimen For how bad games can go It's just Man, I know it's a meme Kind of a meme right now Like with the whole tapestry Apology tweets or whatever But man Those fucking AAA title Producers, developers They just, they need to wake up Like holy shit, they can't keep doing this Like they're losing the audience hard Like how many people do you think will buy your next game? Well I will The shortest term game we have to I'm one of the biggest fans But it'll be the memers will buy it But the general public won't Oh yeah they won't, they'll just watch streamers Yeah so you're gonna get An absolute minuscule amount of people That go oh we'll watch more again We'll again play this And have them out then If in however long they actually make a Golem 2 Like it's not a different Lord of the Rings game It's like a sequel to this And it's you play as Golem throughout the Three Lord of the Rings movies sort of storyline Like that, I could picture our fans Just going absolutely rabid They'd be like you have to stream all of that You have to, we have to see What this team would do To like playing Imagine what they'd do to Frodo and Sam Imagine if it was Co-operative Oh my god They don't do that, this team would never do that It'll encourage you to Have your friends buy it I would encourage everyone to buy at that point Hey don't you want to play with your friends Want to be so fun if you do Co-operative Everyone can learn from a bad example Golem and Golem It's like it takes two, you have to mini-game against Each other you play as Smeagol and Golem Like respectively It gives like As has control of the left side of the body And I have control of the right It's like these Two player one control Or speedruns Yeah You have to lock balls together Or he splits He diametrically splits So we can physically see a manifestation Of Smeagol and Golem And they fight And yeah They released that apology really quickly So they knew exactly what this was How could you not know They didn't make any mistakes So there wasn't any kind of corruption on release Or some kind of thing that went wrong They were just like this is fucked But I mean it's still You get the impression from the game They are incredibly under-experienced And lazy I hate to be mean to the people who made this game But I mean it's pretty obvious You have loads of aspects And you have no idea what you're doing Which you know Everyone starts out that way I guess Well not necessarily lazy but Inexperienced and so Who knows maybe next time Just go up to them and say Hey did you remember that game you made Don't make that one again Just make something different Don't do this Yeah and don't make that wizard game that we suggested really on the stream That sounds a pain too Cause you know that they were listening to that And they were like ooooooo A lot of ring, wizard Gondass That's not his name Wizard off Lord of ring, wizard off Gondau Fuck me And so Brings us to the end And I do need to end it so that As and myself can have a bit of a buffer before the next stream We gotta do today I mean I know it's I'm dirty This was a strangely timed EFAP I know But trust me it was Necessary, is this Saturday? No no Tuesday But You know all this will come out And it'll disrupt the schedule for this week This will come out I think instead of a catch up And then Saturday there won't be an EFAP this week Cause now we'll be two ahead We'll figure it all out, don't you worry Hopefully you enjoyed this And if you have any friends who are like They stream it This unlisted one will be available until of course It's up on Mula so Welcome to check it out though There was that one song that I let play For a little too long so I think this one's gonna get hit With a copyright claim If so obviously I'll have to edit to that And then Mula will get the The further uploaded one And then We will put up the Supercut that Wolf made Goes up as well so That'll be neat but before we go I was gonna say Mr Metal and As If you guys wanted to talk a bit about Whatever you would like to talk about be it channels Content, flimflams, that and the other Go right ahead Well I just Guess I go first I'm actually probably gonna Stream the new amnesia later A little bit I have to do some chores I didn't get around to yet but An hour or two maybe I'm gonna start that up Maybe someone in chat knows It was supposed to be on game pass but it's just not on there I can get it on steam But it's For some reason it's not on game pass Even though they've been saying this whole time It is gonna be on game pass on PC But it is not So I don't know if someone in chat maybe knows what's up with that I don't know Not afterward, the bunker The amnesia game that came out Metal is never playing after birth again No fuck that game If anyone wants a free code for that game I have one Trying to torture people What's wrong with you? Would you rather than play golem or amnesia rebirth? It would be funny to watch them play golem That's true, yeah But yeah I don't know it's not on there So I guess I have to get it on steam Because I'm only here today and then I'm gonna be gone for a couple of days But yeah I'm just gonna do some Probably some more street fighter streams Just fuck around with that game Because that game is really fun Then Spider-Verse Spider-Verse Forge It's gonna be on Sunday this week That's gonna be fun stuff It's gonna talk about a bit what's been going on with that And a bit of spatter people Of course flash and Inbeamboff Jones is coming out as well I'm gonna have a look at that as well Oh my god It's content rich month You're gonna get all the things But yeah go check it out It's fun stuff What about you As? Well 6pm today So just over two hours from now Mola and I will be on the real BBC At Heel vs Babyface channel And if you want to see the whole Uncut With Geely You can find it on my gaming channel Now which is at HVB Gaming If you forget all of that Then you can get it from the channels Tab on my main channel And then Other stuff happening Hmm There will be an MDJ stream I just need to see if I get it on steam or on game pass And right now it seems like I'm gonna get it on steam I've heard a couple good things If everyone finishes it and says it's alright Then I'll play it at Halloween Alright Theo do you want to talk about Anime Not particularly No not at all actually You haven't mentioned anime cry once this stream What's going on? I don't think it's the aptest Of comparisons to Gollum But maybe I'm wrong But the mechanics are so rich and deep True Gollum's a bit like One punch man Like he's... Well I suppose he's bald but not no It's a character action Gollum game Gollum doing air combos come on Yeah they're close but you know But yeah you're still Tooling away with potential projects I imagine Yeah yeah We'll get there one day Five years from now Is there anything For any rags you wanted to say at all Oh me? I don't think so I'm probably gonna sleep and finish up A dog bites video And then that'll be out maybe tomorrow I've got some other things IRL going on So unless Those sort of like all kind of Coalesce and happen together That should be the plan I'll finish this up today And yeah try to keep that You know out more on the regular And hopefully you guys will Really enjoy that I'm just working Waking Waking Had Alrighty then Thank you so much for joining us For this impromptu EFAP I'm surprised to say that There was still like getting close to 4,000 people around at what Like 11am On a Tuesday Like what the fuck It must have been like a whole set of a different Crowd of people who never get to see EFAP Live usually and they're just like hello What do we get? Oh Gollum Okay I see you don't like us No problem Like I said this will be unlisted And I'm not sure what day this will go up on Mula But that'll be next on there And yeah thank you all For the kind messages you'll be caught up With on Super Chat Catch Up And well I'll see you In two hours from now so See ya folks bye bye Bye everybody Toodaloo