 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today, our topic, How Men Fall in Love, 10 Scientific Factors Involved. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. My advice is a bit contrarian, which means it's contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So all I ask is you give me a little chance. All right, let's talk about how men fall in love and those 10 Scientific Factors. Now, we should differentiate between love and a relationship. And I think it's really important to distinguish the two because oftentimes love is misconstrued, if you will. And that is if you're not familiar with lust or limerence, lust or limerence, this is what a person might feel when they first meet someone brand new and there's this level of excitement, this level of chemistry, this level of tingle, the butterflies in your stomach or whatnot. And what that really is is a deception of chemistry, a deception of chemistry. And that deception of chemistry is this chemical release from our brains to our body that makes us feel good, which can cause either lust or limerence. Now, lust is that sexual desire we feel for someone that we might meet for the first time or even later on in the relationship or limerence. And if you're not familiar with limerence, you can go Google it. But limerence is that feeling of extreme infatuation, extreme infatuation. And a moment ago, I talked about butterflies, which is anxiety, but that actually happens for a completely different reason, which I'll get into in a little bit. So as we think about love and a relationship, I think it's important to recognize that there's a big difference because while you might feel lust or limerence for someone, actually being in a relationship is so much different and so much more. And oftentimes men and women confuse the two. So I'm gonna go into some of the scientific factors in a few moments that really makes you understand what makes a person's capacity to actually either fall in love or be in relationship with one another. And the reason why I say this, folks, I think many of you know that a lot of people on this planet or at least here in the United States fell in love, entered into a relationship but it didn't work out. So there is a correlation to the beginning stages of a relationship versus the actual long-term effects of a relationship. So we're gonna get into that in a moment. Now, one thing I want to address though, first off, is the difference between some people's capacity to be in relationship where they wanna spend time with someone versus other people's capacity to be in relationship where they want to grow with someone, okay? Now, I think it's important to really recognize that the difference because I think the vast majority of people these days, especially in midlife, aren't necessarily looking to grow with someone, to actually be in a partnership with them. Versus now, I want you to think about this for a moment. And I think to myself when I was in my 20s, when I was on the hunt for a spouse, in other words, I was programmed to go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house and start a family. So there was this level of when I was younger, at least I can only speak for myself, where I wanted to grow both my own individual life and with someone else. And that usually meant merging assets together, making babies together and raising a family. And that's where the growth came. The challenge with most of us in midlife is we come to the table with a lot of luggage or some people call it baggage. And the hardest part is just trying to put it together. And so they're not actually growing with one another. So what happens is that they're trying to figure out how to even put it together and all they're doing is spending time with someone. And it's really important to ask yourself, are you looking to merely spend time with someone or do you want to grow with someone? And I think if you answer you wanna grow with someone then it's really important to what I call that to see if they're even capable of growing into a relationship or do they merely want to spend time with someone. Now spending time with someone oftentimes looks like this. It's casual relationships, it's situationships, it's friends with benefits or worse, it's friends with benefits and you don't even know about it. And what I mean to say is you're actually in a friends with benefits relationship but you think you're growing with someone. And that's because a lot of time the lines are blurred and more importantly, most human beings don't understand the difference between attraction and compatibility. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, I'm gonna show it to you here. See what the relationship iceberg chart is when you're dating you're above the waterline. You see attraction and we oftentimes focus on chemistry as being the most important factor for attraction. But you can see below the waterline is compatibility. And you see there it says shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Well, as you start to check the boxes that you're actually sharing the same values, your lifestyles are blendable. And you know that this person's an emotional grownup, this waterline begins to drop. However, this is so important for attraction because the waterline of attraction drops because when you feel like you share the same values with someone that your lifestyles are blendable and you're with someone who's an emotionally mature person, you feel greater attraction for that person. And this is a chart I made a while back. This will be all new to you. But it says right here, I think building a partnership and you can see it says, make sure it says attraction, shared values, blendable lifestyle and emotional grownup. And inside the chart is things like, I can't even read my own writing here. It says, please forgive me. It says friendship, teamwork, win-win communication, intimacy and seeing the future through the same window. Can you see that? I'm gonna do my best to hold it still, building a partnership with someone. The reason why I'm talking about this and leaning into this today, it's because I'm a big believer that while we hyper focus on chemistry for attraction, which often times hooks us, hooks us, I think it's important to recognize the more as equally important things within attraction, which is shared values, blendable lifestyles and most importantly, emotional maturity. Because you can share the same lifestyle, you can share the same values, have a lifestyle together and have chemistry. But if this person isn't capable of being in a relationship, it's gonna be very hard. And what I'm about to talk to you today will give you an understanding of what it takes to really lean to understand a human being and how they make the decision to be in a relationship with someone. So we're gonna start a little earlier than normal. I'm gonna pull out my trusty notes and we're going to talk about, we're gonna talk about the 10 scientific factors that makes up a person's personality that leans into whether or not they're capable of falling in love or being in a relationship. Now, what I wanna share with you is most of my contemporaries focus on the top three I'm about to share. Let me repeat that most of my contemporaries focus about the top three and I'm gonna cover seven additional things that I think is important for you all to understand on whether or not a person is capable of falling in love. And by the way, this is true for men and women alike what I'm about to share. So if men are watching this, this is for you guys as well. So number one is, well, we should talk about, I'm gonna go out of order in my list here. We're gonna start about biology. Men and women are obviously different. Whether we're talking about the penis or the vagina, there is a different biologically speaking at birth between men and women. Now I know that certainly changed in our current climate but I'm talking about at birth biology, penis or vagina. And my audience is heterosexual people out there. So with that said, is there's different hormones, there's different pheromones, there is a biological difference between men and women. So that's an absolute relative truth, okay? Biology, there is a difference. And then if we add into it instinct, that cave man or woman instinct that we're all imprinted in, you know, the hunter provider protector and the berry picker nurturers for women, there is a difference and that's really certainly, it is embedded in our DNA, it's embedded into who we are and I think it's important to recognize that. So certainly that's where a lot of dating advice is that the women, you know, men are the hunters and they're supposed to claim you and all you have to do is sit back and you're feminine because that's what men are supposed to do because that's what they're imprinting is. And their biology is designed to do that because of all the testosterone that men have and when men have sex with you and the testosterone drops, they need to have their cave man time. Okay, we get that rhetoric and that's certainly a part of the equation. And then if we look at it socialization between boys and girls, there certainly is a difference of how we were raised as children from a socialization perspective. You know, boys are oftentimes taught to stuff their feelings, okay? And girls are allowed to be more expressive and the way they play and whatnot. And that's certainly changing, but for those that grew up in the Baby Boom Gen X generation, it certainly was a standard that boys and girls were treated differently for very much of their early child rearing years. So I think that is, all these three things are an important factor and that's where many of my contemporaries focus on. See, but that's above the waterline, if you will. I wanna go below the waterline and below the surface and we're gonna talk about seven more factors that I think once you hear this, this will help you understand whether or not a person is capable enough to be in a relationship. So let me talk about number three, imprinting, imprinting. And what I mean by not the instinctual imprinting, I'm talking about what was imprinted on us by our mothers and our fathers and our primary caretakers. What was imprinted on us from our mothers, fathers and our primary caretakers. And if you're not familiar with childhood wounds, if you're not familiar with love attachment, you're not familiar with a mago, this is highly important to understand whether or not someone's even capable enough to be in a relationship because for the most part, the average child has suffered some childhood wounds or traumas. And for some people, it can be extreme. It can be extreme childhood wounds and traumas. This is why I continually recommend the book, The Hoffman Process, to go through your own individual healing. If you were scarred as a child, that will directly affect how you show up as a grown-up in relationship. And then if you're not familiar with love attachment style, there's three primary love attachment styles and there's a great book to read called Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. There's Anxious, Avoid it, and Secure. So this is so critically important and if you happen to have, for example, like I am an anxious love attachment style, we oftentimes choose people the opposite and this is where the push-pull comes from a relationship and it's not necessarily, you know, this is where it's so confusing because it has nothing to do with biology or imprinting or socialization. Although there might be, I don't know it well enough from a scientific perspective, but you better sure understand that imprinting, and if you're not familiar with the amago, the amago, this comes from the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt, highly recommend checking out the book, Getting the Love You Want. This is where we oftentimes choose people to be in relationship that are similar or maybe even different from our parents because we're seeking our parental love because we're traumatized as children. This is where a lot of women tend to choose men like their fathers who are emotionally unavailable and a lot of men choose women like their mothers. So can you understand now that when we go below the surface, this is a big piece to recognize and I'm only yelling because I'm trying to make a point. I've only, this is my excitement, my enthusiasm and I only want to make this point that it's important to understand this. Number four, number four, excuse me. The age and life experience of a person, there's a big difference between someone in their 20s and 30s versus someone in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Certainly someone in their 20s and 30s might be more marriage minded and those people in their 40s, 50s and 60s might have adult traumas like divorce, job loss, children and all the other baggage that comes within life. So can you see now going below the surface, it's not about the men or the provider protectors that you're all sold in that they're just supposed to claim you. There's a lot of real deep emotional stuff to look at below the surface when it comes to actually choosing who you want to let into your heart. And number, that was number five. So number six, their cultural and religious backgrounds. There is a big difference between people of religious or cultural backgrounds that plays a part in their decision making of who they want to be mated with. I mean, we can go through the alliteration. My parents happened to be from Istanbul. So while I'm culturally I'm Middle Eastern, I was partially raised with some Muslim barely. I grew up in a Christian society and we're talking about Jews and Islam and all this other kind of stuff. This plays a part in whether you're from Latin descent or from a European descent or Eastern descent. Outside of the United States and here in the United States we're a melting pot of all these different cultures and religions. And that plays a huge part in the decision making process has nothing to do with a man's testosterone levels drop and you need to give him caveman time. That's why I'm not a big fan of that rhetoric. If you don't understand what's below the surface. And number seven, number seven, there's socioeconomic status or upbringing. People that were rich or people that were poor show up completely different in the dynamic of dating, mating or relating that oftentimes doesn't, isn't given a lot of attention in the dating advice. It's all based on the top three rhetoric and not below the surface. And so as we go below the surface, I think it's important to recognize the value of physical health, both the physical health of someone and your inner health of someone because appearance and fitness and attractiveness does play a part in this equation. And partially because of this, for those of us in midlife, the days in front of us are becoming shorter and shorter from the days behind us. So someone who's more physically fit can play a more important role in relationship versus those are not. And I'm not suggesting you can't be in relationship with someone who might not have a physical disability or whatnot, but I gotta tell you something. A lot of women don't wanna date men older than them because they don't wanna become, as they always say, a nurse or a person. Men oftentimes choose younger women so they can get that hard on that they believe that they need a younger person for that. So this plays a huge part in the decision making process. And number nine, number nine, a person who looks at life from an introspective perspective, a person who looks at life from an introspective perspective. Do they do personal development? Have they healed those traumas I talked about? Have they experienced a level of self love and introspective work? If you're not familiar with my book What the Heck is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link in the description below. I highly recommend this because people who have done little or no work to heal childhood wounds and traumas oftentimes show up as dysfunctional human beings in relationship. And if you're going back to, remember I said emotional maturity is hugely important. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity who's a relationship skills chart, you can see here clinical issues. This is not a fact, by the way, this is an opinion, but there's a good chance that 20% of the population has clinical issues. And another 60% is dysfunctional. And by the way, that 80% might be closer than 85 or 90%. And this is why you can have all the chemistry in the world and you can be claimed by that guy because you sat back in your feminine energy. But if he's not, doesn't have the, he or she does not have the skills of good communication of being able to lean into a relationship. This is gonna be hugely challenging because this relates to that 10th piece, which is emotional maturity. So people that do introspective work become more emotionally mature in a relationship. And that emotional maturity is as important as whether or not the guy is the leader of the relationship. Let me backtrack, let me rewind that for a second. I'm gonna retract that. The expectation based on socialization is many of the leaders of the relationship. But if they have terrible communication skills, comprehension or contact skills, contact skills or conflict resolution skills, it doesn't matter how much chemistry the two of you have, you could have chemistry off the charts, you could think you're in love because of that deception of chemistry and yet it won't work out. So you might be saying, Jonathan, what the fuck is the solution to all of this? Folks, I wanna share something personal with you today. This just happened today on this day Valentine's Day. I wanna thank everyone for the Valentine's Day wishes. I had a client who worked with me four months ago, send me an email and she gave me permission to share this with you all. And she said, good morning, Jonathan. I have great news. I have met my person. I won't say his name, we'll call him Rick. We have been, since for the last two and a half month or month and a half, we have been inseparable. I can hardly believe he is all the things I wrote about in my mantra. This is something I teach in my private coaching and I'll talk about that in a second. We share very similar dreams for the future. It's truly a beautiful connection at both a physical and spiritual level. We are both so grateful that we have found each other and I just wanna thank you for helping me clear some of the blocks to finding my sacred partner and just being such an amazing support person. That was my Valentine's Day gift I got from a client and the difference is she knows the difference because I taught her the most important thing in the dating realm and that is radical honesty and pre-qualifying your prospect. As well as a prayer, that prayer to invite in. That prayer to invite in. The reason why that prayer is so important because the current dating process is so fucking dysfunctional because of these little devices that fucked it up for us. Let me just say dating apps are becoming increasingly, increasingly, increasingly harder to connect with people on a genuine soul level. This is why it's important to learn how to ask better questions and invite in love from a more God universe spirit perspective. I call it Gus, God universe or spirit perspective. And it's time to start praying everyone and learning what it is in that prayer. And if you need some help, check out the link to a free discovery call with me because we're able to see if working with the coach is right for you. It's in the description. That's my area of expertise. And by the way, this text was today on Valentine's Day. I get messages from clients all the time who are experiencing one big difference in their life is that they know the difference between that lust and limerence and true connection with another because they actually pre-qualified that person because these days since we're meeting mostly strangers, and if you're not familiar with the book, I talk about the book, Talking to Strangers, you better, and if you haven't seen the Tinder swindler on Netflix, you better watch that. But since we are meeting total strangers, it's time to be radically honest and pre-qualify your prospect. So how does a guy have fallen in love? Here's the thing. You can't predict how a guy has fallen in love, but what you can do is find out, is this person an emotional grown-up? You can find that out actually really quickly and I can teach you that. Do you share, or your lifestyle's blendable? Yeah, you can find that out pretty quickly. Do you share the same values? You can find that out pretty quickly because ultimately it doesn't matter whether or not he's capable of falling in love. What matters most is the two of you are compatible with one another and when you take compatibility, ignite it with chemistry, woo-hoo! And that's what I invite you all today. Stop listening to the rhetoric. It doesn't matter who pays for dates. What matters most is this person emotional grown-up. Can our lives fit in together? Do we share the same values? Because all the paying for dates doesn't mean shit if you guys can't get along together. And that's a little bit of my narrative today. So I hope that helped. All right, we're gonna take, we're about a few minutes away from Q&A, but I have a small announcement because for those of you, it is Valentine's Day and I have a special share for all of you. So I think many of you have heard me talk about how I can't stand women's profiles where I see the duck lips. I mean, the lips that are so popped out that I swear to God, it looks like they could swallow you up 10 feet in front of you. So I have a very dear friend who has created a product called Lip Plumper. I hope you can see that, Lip Plumper from Miracle Lips. Can you see that? All right, let's see, I put this on myself. All right. Oh my gosh. And her company is Miracle Lips and for Valentine's or any time when you're watching this, she's got a special offer. I'm putting the link right here. She's a dear friend of mine who started this company. If you wanna save 15, if you wanna avoid putting lip injections in your lips, check out this product called Lip Plumper for any of her other products from Miracle Lips. And if you use the coupon code LOVE, LOVE. And by the way, I make no money on this. This is a gift to a friend of mine. I am not an affiliate. If you use the coupon code LOVE, you're gonna save 15% on this product, all their products. I get my mouthwash from there. She sells lubricants, she sells lip scrubs and all kinds of stuff. Check out, I put the link right there. Did I put the link there? And I'll put it again and I'll put the link in the first comment when I finish up the live stream. Check out her products. It's amazing. It's called Miracle Lips. And I think you might find that it's worth using this instead of all the crap that's out there or at least that's my opinion anyway. And my lips are tingling. I'm gonna tell you they're tingling right now. So use the coupon code LOVE L-O-V-E to save your 15%. Mmm. All right. And by the way, someone says the worst pictures of those lips are laying in bed. I don't know what that means, but I get it. All right, we're gonna start with questions right now. If you're familiar with my format, I'd like you to write the word question and post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a dollar sign, right? There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's my, there's a picture of Connor right there. A few years ago, that's a sunset from my balcony. That's another, that's a moonrise from my balcony right there. I know someone says it's tacky that I put pictures behind me. I don't feel that way. This is my way of showing love. And by the way, if again, the monies for the Super Sticker Super Chat, which we have one already here, goes to that scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away. Salty, as many of you know his nickname. So we have our first question from Ash and she gave us a $5 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. What do you think of long distance relationships in this context? Great question, Ash. So, couple of things. First off, long distance relationships makes it much harder to actually get to know one another. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time just to get to stage one of trust. Just to get to stage one of trust. And quite frankly, it takes a lot more time. So proximity creates continuity. The closer two people live together, the easier it is to get to know one another, get to know their family, get to know their friends, because this is an important factor of the relationship process. It's important for both people to get to know each other's roots, their family and friends, because you may not feel emotionally safe if you know very little about a person. That's number one. Number two is lifestyle differentials plays a part in this as well. So ultimately on all these other factors because here's the bottom line. I said a lot of people are only capable of spending time with someone and not actually growing with someone. You have to decide if you wanna grow with someone, if you wanna be in partnership with them, then it requires if you're long distance to have a plan, because the worst thing you can do is engage in a long distance relationship, which is this beautiful bubble relationship. It's a beautiful bubble. You get together, you fuck your brains out, you go out to dinners, then you go back to your respective homes, and then you're stuck on these devices, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. Okay? And men don't bond through the telephone. Well, weak insecure men bond through the telephone, but someone like me, I mean, not, I mean, I have my own insecurity, so let's not make me out to be anyone greater than anyone else, but I'm here to say, high value men of a high emotional IQ men don't bond through the telephone. We bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends. So ultimately, what's important to understand from the 10 factors I'm talking about is a lot of dysfunctional people choose long distance relationship because it allows them to avoid intimacy. Into me you see, which is really about really getting to know someone at the root level. Because the reality is, is many people are experiencing love from that Imago love attachment or chemical base and not the seroton base way of love, which is actually building something with someone. I'm here to say probably nine out of 10 relationships are just simply relationships that are casual because all they're capable of is spending time with someone. They want companionship, connection and sex, but they're not capable of the bigger C word, which is commitment. And that commitment to building trust and what trust is in a relationship is, the trust in a relationship is this. I trust you to care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings. I'm gonna repeat that. That trust is, I care about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings. And by the way, the other way around as well. That is real trust. It's not about fidelity. It's about, can I trust this person is gonna look out for my best interests? And these days when we're meeting total strangers, stranger danger, stranger danger, stranger danger, that chemical deception blinds us, blinds us to whether or not we're actually building trust, falling in love. I love you. I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm here. I'm present. You matter. That means your feelings matter to me. We're important. That means the relationship is important. I've got your back. That means if you're in trouble, I'm gonna be there for you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm fully committed. And I only want you means I only wanna fuck your brains out and not everyone else in the street. That's real. I love you. But a lot of people experience, I love you from a very lust or limerence base or worse love attachment or the amago, meaning they're trying to heal a relationship with one of their parents from a subconscious level and they choose dysfunctional people as an opportunity to heal, but they rarely ever do. So coming back to long distance relationships and thank you again for your question, Asha. Asha, Harris, I think it's important to consider all these factors and I think I've laid out a good case for that and I hope it's helped with you. And by the way, don't forget your miracle lips. Thank you so much, Asha. All right, let's see what we have here. By the way, I'm gonna take folks, my computer crashed the other day, had a panic attack, by the way. And I called my son and he was able to help me out and I got a new computer and it's interesting because my new computer's here and my old computer's there, but it's only partially working. This new computer is basically the minute I turned it on, it was clean, much like a child's brain, okay? But here's the problem with computers. They get viruses, they get little bits of code that starts to disrupt what's going on inside of it, much like the human brain. We're imprinted as children and it's almost like, my son is also learning coding. So it's like that imprinting of all that unhealthy imprinting is like the code that happens in our childhood. And then as we grow into adulthood, all of our traumas and bad experiences in one date after another date after another date after another date starts to create viruses within us. I mean, from not literal viruses, but I mean very similar to a computer virus. So personal development, self-help and spiritual work is like putting in the antivirus in your computer. So, and actually cleaning up your computer on a regular basis to clear out all the garbage because what happens to a human being who's done no personal development, self-help or spiritual work, they become very emotionally constipated. What I mean to say is they can be avoidant, they can be emotionally unavailable, they can have poor communication skills with someone. And so it's really critical, important for yourself to do the inner work coming back to my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? And I'm gonna show it to you again, the link below. By the way, I had a prospective client call me and say she loved the book. She told me that, what a great Valentine's Day she gave me today. She was gonna write a review. It's a vaccination to emotional chaos. It's like cleaning up your computer of most of the viruses. And this work of real self-help spiritual work therapy is like reprogramming the code in that computer that was miscoded when they set up the computer. Is this thinking in, is this making sense? I'm here to say, stop the naivety of the masculine and feminine energy rhetoric. It's only a tiny piece of the puzzle. The most important piece is that ability to communicate in a way that you can be seen, heard and understood is so critically important which comes from emotional maturity. And if you're not familiar with the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend checking this out because folks, unhealthy communication, bad communication leads to a lot of dysfunctionality in a relationship. And this is why it's such a clusterfuck out there. Plus not to mention the dating process is a train wreck. And I say this from personal experience because I'll be candid with you. By the way, I promote online dating because it happens to be the primary way of people meeting today, but it's becoming bastardized and I don't think it's gonna get any better and it saddens me. This is why I mentioned before the prayer. And I'm here to say, pray. Just pray for yourself that the right person will enter into your life, someone that you have beautiful chemistry with, someone that you can communicate with at a heart-centered level, just like you can with a friend, someone who's compatible with you, meaning their lifestyles are blendable with you, someone who has character where they share the same values, that person that speaks your love language, that person who wants to meet your family and friends, that person that wants to do social activities and hobbies and most important, that person that wants both physical and emotional maturity. So send that prayer out because you know what? The power of prayer, and I don't mean religious prayer, I'm talking about God, universe, spirit, that prayer to them, that mission statement, that affirmation, that intention. Allow the universe to do the work for you and just be open and receptive to love. And that's my invitation for you all. Thank you for allowing me to vent there. All right, if you'd like to purchase a super sticker, super chat, purchase it right now to post a question, hit that thumbs up right now. Let me know that this is resonating with you and please say an amen if you loved my prayer. If you love that prayer, please give me an amen and even a thank you. That would make me feel really good to see that in the chat box here. All right, I see we have a question here from a root, I can't even pronounce your name, Miss Bay. I asked a guy during a first convo if he had healed from previous relationship and what work has he done? Did I do it right? I dismissed him, by the way. Thanks, Jonathan. Happy Valentine's Day. Well done, way to go. I love it. All right, what do we have here? Thank you, Grace, for the super sticker. I really appreciate it. All right, let's see what we have here. Let's go swimming, let's go swimming, let's go. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, there's just so much here. I want to give Grace her props. Thank you so much, thank you so much. Everyone is saying amen and thank you and yes. Oh my God, we have a lot here. Thank you all so much. So let me find a question. Wow. Oh, Pat says, I discovered my partner is liking pictures of lots of great looking women on social media. It's damaged my trust in him, but no issue to him. Are women's feelings different from men about this? That is fucking bullshit. But forget men's feelings. That's a jackass thing to do to some. By the way, I'm assuming the two of you are in a relationship and you're having regular sex together. And if a person believes that doing that doesn't have a consequence. Now, I can say unless he's in my profession, in other words, he works with women. Okay, in my profession, I am liking pictures of my clientele. It's part of my business. So unless he's in the business of engaging in women from a non-sexual way, because that's the way I do it, I do it purely from my heart. Anyone who does that that's in a relationship, someone is a fucking jackass and I dump his ass in 10 seconds. And if he wants, if he has an issue with him, he can call me. I carry a shotgun with me wherever I go. He can have a conversation with me because I'm gonna tell him he's a fucking jackass and you did the right thing by dumping him. Does everyone agree she did the right thing by dumping him? Give me an amen. All right. Oh, Sharon says those puffy lips look like a balloon's backside. I know what you mean. Don't forget miracle lips. Use that coupon code love for those miracle lips. I'm gonna try it out. I think I do need to plump up my top lip. So let's do that. God, that is tingly. By the way, she makes great chapstick as well with the SPV, whatever that is to sunblock. So anyway, all right, let's keep going here. Has anyone purchased the miracle lips while we've been talking? Please let me know. All right, let's go swimming. Oh, TD says, I love that prayer. Love it, thank you so much. Debbie says, amen. Aisha says, thank you. Monica says, I love, love, love the prayer. It works. Way to go. Grace says, so how do we get around online dating scene in the best healthy way besides asking good initial questions? You know, a lot of people will say that do the things you love is a way to meet people. I'm starting to really believe that, well, first off, it is important, by the way, I was watching something about Pete Davidson. Does anyone know Pete Davidson? He seems to be dating the Kardashian right now, but he's had Kate Beckinsdale and a slew of Ariana Grande and whatnot. What's this unattractive guy getting all these women? Well, he happens to have a real benefit going with him and that is where he works. Gives him access to really beautiful, attractive women. So we have to, if we're not gonna be online dating sites, then you have to be in an environment where you're surrounded by single, eligible people. Well, think about when, I'm thinking about my son Colin when he was in college. 30,000 students where he went to school. And by the way, most of them all single. So a robust place to meet people. I work from home. Really hard time to meet people. Unless I have a burglar come in my door and I hope she's an attractive burglar. By the way, it's okay. Just kidding, but look at, I mean, online dating is, it's becoming increasingly harder, but it's still available, which means it requires learning how to vet better. And let me just tell you about vetting because I'm watching this Tinder swindler right now on Netflix. Now, the rarity that you're gonna be swindled out of money, that's the exception, not the rule. And yet I'm here to say, you better pre-qualify a stranger. Like I said before, I'm gonna talk about this again, the book Talking to Strangers. And I'm not here to scare anyone. I want everyone to be a grownup about this. Talking to strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. It's tight. By the way, you should Google someone. You should look at their Instagram. You should look at their Facebook. And if they're not willing to share that with you, then say, hey, look, I won't trust you until I want, listen, your penis doesn't get to go inside my vagina unless I get to see who you really are. And by the way, everyone knows my rhetoric. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman together. This is a way to pre-qualify because assholes will disappear really quickly. But don't give in to the lust or limerence. I've given into it a lot, but I'm a guy and I can make excuses for myself. It's not right. But ladies, you have more to lose. You have a, because physically we men are bigger. So I'm being your big brother here. I can't be there for you on a first date with that shotgun pointed the guy's face and saying, what is your intentions with my little sister? So you're gonna have to do it for yourself. Now, I'm not suggesting that it's to be in total fear, but as my father said, and my parents are from Istanbul, Turkey, my father used to say, you can put your faith in Allah, but don't forget to tie up your camel. And that's what I'm suggesting to you. So I don't know why I got off on this tangent. I forgot the original question. What was it? Yes, ask better questions at the same, do this before you meet so you can have fun on the date, but do some pre-qualifying ahead of time. All right, I really appreciate that question, Grace. Thank you so much. All right, we got Lisa that says, amen. Thank you so much. Let's go swimming. Let's go, lots of amens. Someone says, can you repeat the prayer? That was stream of consciousness, but you can go back and rewind the video. Bonnie says, love the prayer. Thank you so much. Okay, Cece says, when is the right time to take the relationship to the next level? When trust is built. When trust is built. What is true, I said earlier, trust is when you know that other person cares about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings. The reality is as most humans date, men and women alike, women, you do this, men do this, they date from a selfish perspective. I want my needs met first. What's a man's needs? I want my penis inside your vagina. That's the most of the time, not all men, but we start from that initial basal need. And women, you start from that basal need of feeling safe. The problem is, can you really feel safe with someone until you've met their family and friends, until you've done social activities, until you've spent 100 hours of face-to-face time? It takes a minimum of 10 dates to get to that level. So taking it to the next, and by the way, you both want to have to go to the next level. So I always say, what does commitment look like for you? Folks, you know my rhetoric. We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life. Intimacy, or did I say travel, travel? Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in or getting married. That's what commitment looks like for me or what a relationship looks like for me. And commitment means either moving in together or getting married. At least it's the agreement of monogamy and exclusivity as well. So it's taking it to the next level is trust and it's not about fidelity. It's about does this person really care about my feelings? And it's sad how many people go disappear and treat people unselfishly because most human beings are fucked up. Coming back to the relationship skills chart. If 80%, if 80% are dysfunctional folks and I'm being generous when I say 80%, it's probably 90%, you better do a good job to vet. That's what my clients do. That's why that client I just shared with you about she vetted the guy deeply before she gave her heart or her vagina. So check out the link to a discovery call if you wanna work with a coach that's gonna teach you something that the feminine energy coaches aren't gonna teach you because all that is is princess energy game playing. If you really wanna be in the right relationship, you better be asking those deeper questions of what's below the surface, below chemistry and that is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That matters way more than who pays for the dates and who pays for the valet. I know that feels great, but it doesn't matter if that person is emotionally traumatized, emotionally constipated because you can have all the chemistry in the world but it ain't gonna work. Is this resonating with you? Is this sinking in? Please give me an amen and let me know. All right, thank you so much. Sadie writes, Jonathan, how do I let go of the belief that I need to make my mother happy before I can be free to meet someone? Have you ever seen the movie Moonstruck which Cher and Nicholas Cage? Sadie, snap out of it. You already know the answer. You have the power within you. Don't give your power away to someone else and if you need to, do a shitload of therapy but snap out of it, folks. You know what? Look it, read this book. How to be an adult in a relationship, this is a grown up conversation so you better start doing grown up things. And Sadie, I'm being, I hope you know that I'm saying this with a lot of love. I'm being a little bit combative or bombastic a little bit just merely because I like to have a little bit of fun and I don't wanna diminish your feelings but let me say this, you can make the choice. Your mom doesn't get to make the choice. Folks, any of you that are living in that, you better than do the Hoffman process because that's gonna help you let go of your mother and father's shit. Anyway, thank you for that question. I really appreciate it. Lisa says, how do I get a reply on a dating apps? I rarely get one. I'll show a nude photo. I guarantee you'll get lots of replies. Just kidding. Ask a question. That's how you get a reply. You ask a question. You don't make a statement, ask a question. And if they're not replying then they're not your person. By the way, I'd be shocked that you get zero replies unless you're reaching out. Maybe you're reaching out for men that are not, they're not, you're not their type, okay? That can happen a lot. A lot of you ladies reach out to men that you're not their type. So focus on the men who are reaching out to you because they've already initiated the process or use Bumble because first you swipe each other and then you get to make the initial contact. That would be my suggestion to you, Lisa. That was a great question. Thank you so much. All right, we're gonna take one more question. God, there's so many. Thank you all. Oh, Denise, thank you so much for the $4.99 Super Sticker to the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. I really appreciate it. You know what, folks? It's Valentine's Day. I'm solo today. I'm using my Miracle Lips on Valentine's Day. Remember that coupon code is love, love. I'll put that code here again. It's miraclelips.com, miraclelips.com. It's worth it. I use their products. I get the mouthwash and they even have lubricant too. Not that I get to use it, but maybe some of you, when you meet a great guy, you'll have, and it's a water-based lubricant, not an oil-based lubricant. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. Folks, I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your kindness, your care, your love, the messages you send frequently. You are a beautiful audience, a beautiful heart-centered women. I'm here to say that love is actually out there. And if you didn't get a chance to hear the prayer, rewind this, listen to that prayer I had for myself. And I invite you all to pray in to invite in a beautiful, loving soul into your life that you can grow together, that you can grow together. And that's my invitation for you all. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I send you all a lot of love on this Valentine's Day. I hope you find that love within yourself, and you can share that love with everyone around you. Let's all spread a lot of love today and every day going forward, and that's my invitation for you all. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic jot and bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank, I wanna thank Colleen for the $4 Super Sticker before we wrapped up today. Thank you so much. I wanna thank Kelly and Lady Citra and Jennifer and Susan and Dee Echo and Natalie and Stacy and Tammy and Kelly and Pamela and Christina and bye, bye, bye, bye everyone. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, wishing you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic day. Bye-bye now.