 Why men are better than women? Where the protectors of women? Women are jealous of everything men do. They're so jealous that we get to love women. They got to love women too! So you're saying women can't protect themselves? No, they cannot. The protectors will be the builders and will be the creators of life. Also, Jesus is a man. Man! Man! Nah, that's hectic shit. Attract it! Attract it! Welcome to episode number one! Season six. Season five. Season six. Is that six that you're doing this? No, it isn't. It's our fifth. Oh my god, it's our sixth. This is our sixth year. Yeah, dude. We've done this more than high school, bro. We've done this more than high school, bro. Do I know it, bro? It sounds like it too. We probably attended more than we did. Oh man, imagine when we've done 12. That's like a whole school fucking fiesta. I wonder if we'll still have the same sized audience and we won't have grown at all and it'll just be really fucked up and everyone will just think we're kind of pathetic older guys who just won't stop even though we've done it too much. Too much. I was telling you boys, we'll get into the holidays in that soon, but I was listening to some season four EPs last night, just like 15 random 15 minute periods of like the beginning of season four. That was Matt's first season on camera. Isn't that funny? And we're just a lot happier and weren't beaten down by life. Season three, I got the mic and then season four, I got the camera. Yeah, well look, what shit happened in season five? If you think about it, look, it's all fucked, then fucking... No, it was a rollercoaster of year, that's for sure. Weddings are stressful, fucking late Bosley, yeah. Nothing's, you know, life's like this. It's high? And then there's lots of lows. I was expecting, you know, I was like, I was kind of good for a season four. I was like, I was I was like, you know what, it's going to be a fucking good year. Going to get health sorted. Shit's going to go really well. But man, the beginning of this year has just been a fucking nightmare as well. War. We're going to war, Matt. Yeah, the state of the world. The state of the war is pretty, the world is pretty fun. You know, America got bombed yesterday? No, it was, they had a base in Jordan and which got bombed. They had a base in Jordan which got bombed. By who? Jordan. Someone called Jordan to fucking back, making pipe bombs with his fucking mrs. brother. Oh, yeah, fuck man. Stressful. Plus, I got a bum knee. Yeah, yeah. Who bombed them? Was it like the little rebel people? Iran. No, Iran. The country. Was it the country? So it's all over the place. Don't you, don't you? No, I wasn't knocking it. I'm just saying it. It is. I can show you. Look. Just because you haven't seen it on the fucking TV news, Matt. Maybe we should get an experimental medicine put in our bodies, because they've told us to. Look at you, Matt. You've changed ever since you got jabbed. We can't really talk about this. Yeah, we can't. Let's not talk about jabs. We'll get, um... Oh, probably this podcast. We'll get demonetised. You're full of toxins. Yeah. But, yeah, look. We've got... I have no fucking, actually. I've looked 20% hope. No, no, look. There are very good things happening as well. We just all, as a people, need to be strong and stay together and just fucking stand up to the shit that's going to happen. Okay? We'll be fine. We're going to fucking get it through this. It's going to be a really good year, despite its harrowing beginning. Let's talk about how fucking good and bad the holidays were. I had quite a good holiday. I think my mind was overall bad. So, me and Mon and Esther went, we'll get to Michael's. We'll get to Michael's. Michael's was fucking, yeah. It was not good. So, me and Mon and Esther just did a road trip down to Melbourne for like 10 days. Just drove. Just drove and you think the driving is shit, but it's not. It's fucking good. Do you listen to music? Yeah, listen to music. Do you talk? Yeah, and that too. Like little games in the car. Do you get to know each other games? No, that's such a shit game. Did you play a game where if you guess something right, you get a lolly out of your lolly packet? We had to do like, there were times we'd be like, alright, next person to see a bird wins and it was like first attempt. Like a hot chick? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I want that. Yeah, so that was good. Melbourne's fucking cool and then, yeah, the boys trip happened and the thing I learned from the holidays is don't trust anyone. Don't trust anyone no matter how close they are to you in life. Don't trust them. So my holidays were pretty good. That's fair. I thought I did something wrong for a second. Did I fucking betray you? What the fuck? I felt that I just felt that it was aimed at me. Well, it's the first episode now. We have to start with a bang. So just saying, alright, Michael, what happened to you? I dislocated my knee. I can tell you right here. It was on the side of his leg. I missed it by like 30 seconds. So yeah, basically, I am now eight weeks. That's incredible. Yeah, I'm disabled for eight weeks and my kneecap was on the other side of my leg. It is very, very painful. And the most fucking thing about this story, I wasn't here. I was on the road trip with Mon and Esther, but the fuck thing is he was on the floor for like eight hours waiting for the ambulance. Yeah. Ambulances don't come in Australia anymore, by the way. It was a busy night. Ever since, I think the staff had to leave for some reason. What was that? You would have been alone. Why did the staff all the staff have to leave the hospitals? No, you would have been alone. Your knee dislocating would have been the lowest priority. No way. That is closer than it's worse than childbirth. When I was coaching and I had a lady dislocated her knee, they were there within fucking five minutes. Maybe that was luck. So, I think the staff, they're a bit understaffed for some reason. I can't really put my thumb on that really well that much. We might have to look into that. Yeah. Actually, here's one for you. Jenna is a nurse. She applied for a job at a hospital maybe two months ago. And they've only just come back and said, oh, it's like we've got you down to the last five or 10. Are you talking about sex right now? No, stay with me. The system of the hostels is so fucking slow. It takes like six months to hire people. No wonder they're understaffed. Yeah, but I'm trying to say I wonder why so many people had to go. Anyway, so now, like, stupid. That's got a girlfriend, everyone. And like, she's, I don't like to say, but I'm pretty sure she's not real. I don't know. We met her. You both met her. Yeah. And like, to be honest, I can't really like she was at the live show, even the rings met her. Yeah. I don't know, man. Look, it looked, you know, we saw the ad last week, guys. If you haven't, have a look at it's on YouTube and shit, our podcast ad, which kind of explains it, right? Matt is willing to do the podcast this season. As long as we keep his girlfriend safe. We gave him a chair as well. He wanted a chair that was part of the terms of condition. That's a fucking nice chair. How comfortable out of ten is that? Like a six. Six is not bad these days. What would you say your bed is? Yeah, like a six. I mean, I reckon my bed's like a nine. My bed's probably a good eight. I need a new bed. Pillows are essential. My pillows are a good eight and a half. Can you never be fucked to spend money on pillows? Dude, I know. It's vital. It's vital. I like that. I like it. Holidays overall, I always get injured. Michael gets hurt more when we're not filming than he does when we are filming. It's unfucking believable. Dislocated knee. Michael is training for this upcoming fight night, by the way. So get this, Michael's knees fucked right. So he can't really do anything for eight weeks now. And my heart has started just before the holidays. Whenever I exercise, my heart just starts beating irregularly every time I exercise. Every fucking time. Marty's got his heart issues again. It's not even really the high blood pressure. It's more just the irregular beating now. But what I've done, and I'm going to keep you guys in the loop with this, and I'm about to undergo, I will be singing it from the rooftops in every language. Why is it singing in Arabic right now? Arabic. No, it hasn't happened yet, if this works. I don't want to direct all the Arab viewers to get this treatment if it doesn't work. Speaking of Jordan, we're very high up in the podcast ladder in Jordan. Wow, there you go. We've told them to do it. So what's set off the heart again? I don't know. No one fucking knows. Cardiologists and shit never know. They say, oh, you have this pill, see ya. So now I get this irregular heartbeat whenever I work out 15, 20 minutes in, I feel it coming on. So I can't really work out at all at the moment. It's fucking annoying. Do you get anxious at the knowing that you feel it coming? No, it gives me anxiety, which then makes it worse. But I am undergoing some new tests and I'm going to get some new results. And if this works, guys, and I'm feeling confident about this, I feel like this is going to fucking help because it makes so much sense. But I'll talk more about it. I had to do these blood tests and this weird genetic test and I'm fucking doing it and let's see if it works. And if it does, we'll promote it. If anyone else who has these issues can solve their issues too. And look, we pay it forward. Well, everyone should fucking go and do this. You've probably... Have you tried just drinking a mother energy drink? Yeah. Well, yeah, that's good. Wow, that looks yummy. So, yeah, holidays overall like good and also fucking shit. But we're back now and we've got a new plan for this year. We're going to go fucking. We're going to make shorter form content and our longer form is going to be shit that we want to make good videos again. We were just pumping out video after video after video 10, 11 videos a week and we're just like fucking exhausted. So we've stripped it right down. We're going to do shorter videos and then we're going to do longer form videos, right? That are much better quality. We're going to have a vlog channel this year. Wow. That's cool. And follow us on Snapchat. We literally put up Snapchat every day of our daily life. Marty and Michael on Snapchat. Give us a fucking follow on there. There's like at least 10 to 15 stories uploaded there. And it's not just like us promoting shit. It's us doing our silly, silly, silly. Yeah, it's very very silly. Yeah. Oh yeah, you're on Snapchat. Marty uses it for I can't take you seriously when you're an old lady. Japanese single mother he is. He's giving birth to Japanese. Do you want to hear something that happened on Monday? Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. Well Oh no. I entered a break on a break as a trading card thing and a thing called Signature Sports Breaks. And anyway, I picked my team and they pulled out a gold Palo Banchero. That's his name. Don't say that. Is that even a word? And it's a one of 10 gold card. I thought you said you got a Conor McGregor. Yeah, I did get a Conor McGregor. That was ages ago. Yeah, Matt got a good card. That's a highlight of his fucking holiday. How much is that worth? I don't know yet. Why wouldn't you look that up? Because none of them have been sold yet. So it's hard to tell. Oh, so he has, but he couldn't figure it out. What do you speak to your community and ask him? Yeah, maybe. I like how you said that. Let's help Matt. This is a goal of I reckon ours this year is to get Matt out of the concrete tower. We want to create Matt to do something he loves doing, which obviously is basketball cards. Oh, let's not do that. Oh, yeah. I was trying to get started. No, yeah. Follow Matt. He's going to start breaking decks. And he's going to film himself opening decks and reveal fucking sick cards and shit. And then that way... Oh, yeah. Can you guys make it sound disgusting? It is! It is disgusting! Oh, that's my headphone. But it's better than fucking what you've got to do day to day. It's better than stickers. So we're trying to save you. We're trying to give you an alternative way of making money to something that makes you happy. Look, if I could be a professional golfer, I would grab it. If I could be a professional pickleball player, I'd grab it. Yuck. But I can't because I've got to fuck me. Yeah, so fucking... How good is the so much cricket and tennis on on the holidays? The West Indies beat Australia. And now it's back to the real world. But man, holidays were relaxing, but also... It was like a really, like, rollercoaster. I have a confession. Go. Oh, shit. So I became a bit matty on the holidays. I browned it up. Like, okay, I went full fucking loser. So... Fuck off! Because of your knee! Yeah, yeah, well, that too. I'm not part of it, but this is something that I could imagine you would have, you would do. He hit on a family member. Yeah. My sister. Oh, I never done that. You wanted to, my bro! You said you wanted to when you was drunk! Oh, my knee! Okay. Fuck your sister. So the knee happens, obviously. Man, when you can't move and I'm so... I understand disabled people now. I didn't get them before that. I didn't get it. I understand disabled people. I didn't get that. But I'll get it now. I can relate because it's highly depressing, especially after it first happens. At least I'll come back. But if that was for life, I probably, like, I don't know how I would... I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be here in the world. I just wouldn't be on this podcast right now. Oh, you'd be up north, I reckon. Yeah, I'd be up in Cairns catching fish. Now, one thing that I realised is... Okay, I'm in my deep depression. Knees just happened. It's ballooned out here. I'm in my... Amber, my wife has gone back to work. I'm in our upstairs. I've just got a TV put in. It's on a stand. I'm depressed. So I'm just sitting there. I'm like, what do I do? You have no game console, either. Yeah, I know what you're about to say. Yeah, I don't have a game console. I got in to going back to the classic childhood games that I used to like, like Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, fucking Muppets, Race Mania. Man, I regret that one. I shouldn't have said that. But basically, I would watch speedruns of these games be played. Oh, on YouTube. On YouTube. And I would watch... Is that how long are they? Like hours long? Dude, one was four hours. Oh my God. One was four hours. Because I had two weeks of just being like in bed, like, can't move. And I just like, what do I watch? And I got so over Netflix. So I just went and I just started watching speedruns. And I was like, I could not be more Matt Brown if I wanted to be. Yeah, that is very Matt Brown. Why would you think that that's me? Because it's fucking like your basketball cards and stupid movies and shit. It's shit hobby. It's shit hobby. Fucking stickers. I have to admit, I've sat through a few walkthroughs of games. Yeah, I must say. It's very entertaining. Both of you. That is so far. See, I knew it. I knew I'd become Matt. Yeah, Red Dead, one and two. There's a guy who does both of them. So it's like a whole movie. Yeah, dude. So you become like Matt when you're injured to a point of disability. Yeah, that's what happens. So that's so different, you and I. So you're saying you respect me. I'm saying that I can relate. He gets it now. I get your brother. And yeah, I must say. We're not training for this fire now. We're going to get knocked out cold in front of thousands of people. No, we'd be right, bro. We got this. But anyway, that's the fucking plan. And also this before we continue any further, we have a podcast phone. There are some segments where we're going to need you guys to call in and leave voice messages. And we're going to play these voice messages. Now, remember before I continue that we're two weeks ahead. So if you're hearing this, that means we recorded this two weeks ago. So you call up, right? You leave your message, but your message will only be played in episode three potentially. So don't be like, oh, they didn't play it when episode two comes out. It were two weeks ahead. So you play on three. So it makes sense. Yeah, yeah. So if you have a good story regarding the topic that we give you in week three, you may hear it. And we will talk about it. If they just want to call in and just leave a message, they don't have to be topic related. Do you guys want to just harass? You can text it, you can call it. So this is what it's going to sound like. You call the number 0466 02303. It probably got a voicemail. Sometimes we just have the phone by us and we'll just talk to you guys. And so you can text, you can leave voicemails, you can leave voicemails to the topic that we're asking about. Anyway, this is what it's going to sound like. Okay. Hi, you've reached Marty and Michael. If you'd like to leave a voicemail for our ring in ring segment on the podcast, or if you want Matt to give you some love advice, please leave your voicemail right fucking now. Let's do this. Shut up Matt. Let's do this. Let's shut up I say. Fuck. And then you leave a voicemail saying shut up, shut up, shut up. And then we have that on our phone and we might play it and like we can text people. It's called triple off that number because it's not our number. We're not doing it. You do it. You do it Matt. Well Stephen ambulance comes. So that's cool and we'll have the number as a permanent fixture here next. It'll be like in a frame so people can just see it all the time. But yeah, that's the fucking number everyone. Should we listen to that voicemail? It could be so funny. Let's listen to that voicemail. It could be so funny. The one that was just there. The one we just left funny. Let's see if it's so funny. And then you leave a voicemail saying shut up, shut up, shut up. And then we all have so much fun together. We can take calls during the podcast. That'd be fun. And like we can just talk to people and the topic that we want you to call in about we want your bender injuries. Okay, Michael's got a good bender injury story now. I guess I was drunk. Yeah, you were drunk. But not a bender. And you know, Blake Melbourne had a really good bender injury story. So if you've ever been injured during a bender, we want to hear about it. Call the number and leave a voicemail story and we'll fucking play it if it's good. Fuck yeah, bitch. Let's sink that shit, bitch. You're the fucking iceberg. Repeat it. You're the iceberg. See, bomb. So he's got glasses have three circles. Yeah, wow. Are they new? I don't know what you're talking about. Is there glass in them? I don't really listen anymore. All right, guys. So yeah, that's that's that's fucking shit talk this week. Now we do have lots of new segments all right and we're going to get into that right after our sponsors. No, that's hectic shit. That's hectic shit, bitch. That's hectic. That's hectic. I thought your side was broken. No, no, no. It means Matt that it was broken. Yeah. What did I tell you was broken lately? You believe that? Oh, dude, it's just started up again. All right, our loyal sponsors have come back this year and accepted us to deliver their brand messages. So we wanted to sit you down and tell you how you improve your life. I'm going to swirl a storm of meth cloud around and send it off because we got man's gate. You want to shave your shit off, bitch? Mmm, you want to get out there on the prowl and find a wife or a bitch to lay your eggs up? Well, go to manscape.com and use our discount code fully actual 20 to get 20% off and you buy your male grooming shit, you shave your shit, you feel that confident breeze flow through your hair and you get out there and you slut. You slut it out. You go out to the night girls greasy hair back and you look at girls, you don't break eye contact until they run. You don't blink. You approach with your smooth skin and you flower. You flower at them. manscape.com discount code link in description, check them out and get around. Oh man, that was hot. Dude, this ball toner I've been using. Man, it fucking tones you know how you go to the gym and you tone your muscles? Really? Muscular testicles. Dude, it tones your fucking balls. That's not what it means. You gotta try it out. You know the balls actually are little muscles. Really? No. Alright, and of course let me tell you guys about AG1. AG1 has so many nutrients and it's illegal in pharmacies. You cannot buy it anywhere. It's illegal. This product is illegal. You can't get it anywhere else, but we're telling you you can get it here. I have it every single, I had it every single day. Yeah, look, I have the vitamin D every day. I make sure of that shit, bitch. Yeah, it's great for your health. You want to live a bit longer? You want to do something to your health? Go to AG1.com and slash fully actual man, and you get a free travel pack if you use our little fucking link that we got in the description, man. And that's good, man. You don't want to be going to Poland for work and not have any AG and want to get you through the winters there. They struggle, bro. Poland struggles. I can give you a Michael guarantee that it is actually fucking good shit. No, we all do all use it. It's serious right now. No, we do all fucking use it. We love the shit. It's fucking good shit. It actually works, and we're proud, man. I tear up. I fucking tear up and punch punch up like that. I get patriotic. Yeah, I start fucking seeing all the Eagles in the sky. You're a strong American anthem, bro. Is there such thing? Yeah, bro. They got one. They got one. Oh, shit. God save the queen or some shit. That's England, isn't it? Oh, Spar Spangled Panas. Spar Spangled Panas. That's what they call it. Spar Spangled Panas. Spar Spangled Panas. Spar Spangled Panas. Man. You will not disrespect the anthem. Matt, anyway, that's AG1. You get a subscription. They send it to you every month, so I only got to order it once. And it's just set for life, all right? It's fucking good shit. Just have a look at it. Have a look at it and look into it. You'll say that no one says a word bad about it. No one says a word bad about it. She's, she's evolving. She's struggling. She's transitioning. She's transitioning. You really have to do that straight at me? That's so rude. That is really disrespectful. If you did that on the dinner table, you'd probably get asked to leave. Even Marty gets up and aims it not in your direction. So I seriously blacked out. Does it hurt? Nah. Anyway, guys, we're going to go, we're going to go and have a bong break. We're going to have a bong break. We're going to... Raise it, raise it, raise it, raise it. We'll be right back. We'll be right back with a brand new segment. We'll be right back with a brand new segment, everyone. It's 50. Bong break. Did you blow out of the door? Fuck. I didn't want to let the air con out, brother. It works like really stepping up drug tests that has me on edge that I'm going to get done for like second hand. Yeah. Well, look, you got evidence now. You can charm it. Oh, boy. Every single podcast, they do bong break. What am I meant to do? Get up and leave. Exactly. Do you understand? Yeah, 100%. Everyone understands. All right, guys. It's time for a brand new segment. And you know, these are all some of these are new, as you know. So let us know what you think of them because some might be shit, and some might be great. I've got a good feeling about some of these though. Let's quickly, before we continue, right? Can you run through the fucking segments? Yeah. You explain why there aren't some. That shit is righteous. Matt, can you play the who's been bamboozled jingle? And then I'll explain it. Get ready. No, not me. Not again. Please. I'm so confused. I can't see. You've been bamboozled, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, check it. I say you've been bamboozled, bitch. Not me. Not me. And this is going to be a segment. We're not doing it this week, by the way. By the way, we'll start it next week where we, us three have let's just give them an example. Two of us will have tomato sauce. One of us will have hot sauce. We don't know which one's which. We all drink at the same time. And then we have to try and guess who has been bamboozled. Who has had to have the hot sauce. So the person who has the hot sauce has to try and keep a straight face and trick the other two. And if they can get away with it, then the other two get punished. And they've been bamboozled. You know what? You can play Crash Bash. I don't think it has to be just tasting. You really have become me. You did play that game, didn't you? Anyway, let's move on. Let's not get mad talking about games and movies. The segment that we're about to do is called, we've already told you about the ring in ring segment and we've given you the topic. Should we play the ring in rings? I don't even remember this one. Neither do I. I'm telling a Jamaican by this. One second, I'm really looking forward to it. And this is an eating one. Our fussy little boys. So Matt and Michael are just going to eat just things that are edible, like just normal things like oysters and shit like that. And we're going to see who's fussy out of the two of them. Was that also not the... Fussy boys, huh? We're not doing that in the first episode. No. Oh man, we're really... Because I need to be the German chef. And yeah, look, there's some other shit which we'll explain. Fussy little boy, fussy little world. These are fussy boys. Fussy, fussy, fussy, fussy. Man, our jingles are on point. We sat down for like an hour and come up with all these jingles, guys. So everyone, except we need a new bong break jingle. We're still working on that. All right, let's... The other segment I wanted to mention was the How Famous Are We? segment, which is where we message... We're going to start like scum celebrity, like fucking x-grade celebrities. Like... And then we message them on Instagram. If they reply, we go up one level to like, you know, whatever the letter is before x-grade celebrity. And then we keep going on... M, N, fucking... fucking D. And then we see if we can get a grade celebrity to reply. If we get a message from Brad Pitt, that means... We are A-grade. We have succeeded in our career. We're the most famous you can get. That's what that means. Man, imagine if we spoke to Bruce Willis. I don't think that's going to happen. Why? He's not doing too good. Yeah, he's... I don't think he even knows. Maybe he needs to... That could be good. He could make it easier. There's a flying segment to him. Oh, fucking hell. Do you want to hear the jingle for Fame Fame? Fine. Fame Fame, I'm on fame. What's my name? It's not a game. What's my name? It's not a game. I need fame. Oh, wow. That's fucking disgusting. But yeah, so we're going to start shit. And then we're going to... Every time we get a response, we move up a level of celebrity. Shall we do that now? Yeah. Fame Fame, I'm on fame. What's my name? It's not a game. What's my name? It's not a game. I need fame. Who is a good man to start with that is famous? Is this D-grade? No, this is lower than D. I would say that we're like F. Yeah, or even lower. I don't know. I'm struggling without the alphabet in front of me. Is Greg a celebrity? I think like an influencer. You know, someone with some followers. Man, any influence we choose now is going to be offended. What? Who do I answer? This is like bottom of the barrel scrap shit. Well, let's... Let's message someone here. Let's message someone who can handle it with pride and grace. Lachlan Gottfried. Lachlan Gottfried. Lachlan Gottfried. Lachlan Gottfried. He probably gets recognized more than us because he's always with Jackson. I just don't think he's an F. Look, he's got 462K followers on Instagram. That's half a million, pretty much. So he's fucking... Whoa! Some actors don't even have that, bro. I think on our personal Instagrams, we're even under 100K. So he's a bigger deal than us apart. See? It's okay. You can come out of your shell. I don't know if he... He came out of his shell. He came out of his shell. I don't know if she was always in a shell. Guess who... Guess what Matt was invited to but didn't go to? I'm going to say Stockholm Syndrome. No, do you know how the Reese Bros had that party? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get invited to that. You would have had a ball. I don't think I got invited to that. Oh, you could have gone. No. We got invited, didn't we? Yeah, I don't know why I said that. He's trying to make him think a bit. Condolences, Matt. I'm like a... I'm like a tiger. So you guys bring me or you don't. I'm just involved. Well, look, that's not true, Matt. We'll start with Lachlan. How about we start with Matt? Can we start with Loki? What should we say to Loki? Let's start with creating. Hey, bro. Hey, mate, really like your stuff. Just wondering if... We'll catch up for a coffee. No, no, he won't agree to that. Oh, we're seeing him tomorrow. Hey, bro. Love your content. Love your content. We should collab? No, no, love your content. Keep it up. And with this fire emojis. Don't do that. Keep it up. Keep it coming, brah. What about... Okay, let's be more child. Hey, bro. Love your content. No cap, fire emojis. No cap means no bullshit. Really? Trust me. Okay. Love your content. Let us know when you're up in Brizzy next. Fire emojis. I'm 37 in a month. You're older than that. Yeah, so... Let us know when you're up in Brizzy next. So we're getting rid of keep it up. What about like... Keep shit flowing, bro? Yeah, keep shit flowing, school. Keep shit flowing, bro. Ride or die, bitch. Say ride or die, bitch. Am I writing that, Matt? Ride or die, bitch. Yeah, we're starting to notice you. All right, look. Okay, I've sent it. All right. Hey, bro. Love your content. Keep shit flowing, bro. Ride or die, bitch. And then what? We've just got to wait for him to reply. And then if he responds... Upgrade to the next celebrity. Then we go to the next celebrity next week. By the end of the season, I reckon we do too when we get to higher stages. All right? Man, imagine if we didn't succeed with this one. That's how the fame works. That's exactly right. So, yeah, if we are, you know, Brad Pitt famous, then we have... You know what the goal is? I reckon the goal should be to like get to like, you know, Tom Hanks level. What about Dawn Fraser? This game, I remember one of the first times we did it, was... We were drunk and Marty... We were just verified. We were messaging... Jonah Hill. And then you say, oh, you say, oh, Seth Rogen said this about you. And then you go to Seth Rogen said, Jonah Hill said this about you. And then Jay Pashel, what are his names? Yeah, I messaged a friend group. Did they start? Yeah, yeah, fully had like a conversation about me. Really? No. I was hoping they spoke. Well, this sort of obviously last season, we did it to the creator Chris Lilly. I don't know. So if they leave us on scene, we can see our message and then not reply. So then... The last thing we said was, we see you see. We spelt C S-E-A. And then it was just seen underneath. That's the best thing ever. He would think they're so dumb. Yeah, God, so not funny to him probably. And I just say quietly, Marty wrote the script for the fucking promo for the podcast that you would have seen. And I read it the other day and it was so funny when he wrote the part of me going, I didn't even realize who you were till just now. Anyway, sorry. That's just, I wanted to get that out there. Make me laugh. All right, so that is the How Famous Are We segment. All right, let's move on to our next new segment. Let us know what you think of that. That'll obviously be a work in progress that segment. It's going to get a lot better. It's now time for the great debate. The great debate between ladies. This is the great debate. Hey, babe, hey, late. Yeah, that's good. That rhyming. That rhyming. All right, so this segment. Oh man, this is when we can get canceled. I reckon. What are we going to do? This segment works. You haven't explained it properly and we said yes blindly. So the great debate is between Matt and Michael. They don't know the topics I've chosen for them to talk about, to argue about. They've got two minutes. Whoever decides to go first, they've got two minutes to start and then the other has a two minute rebuttal. And then we decide who and I'll be judging on good points and things like that. So it's a proper debate. You cannot interrupt each other during the two minutes and you must remain respectful and play within the spirit of the game. Okay, so let me just reiterate that. We flip a coin, so you can pro or con. You don't get to decide what you stand for. You might have the opposite ideas of what you're preaching about but you have to just be good at debating. If you get to start debating then the other person debates, then the other person gets one rebuttal or do we both get a rebuttal? Wow, this is hectic shit. It would be fun to do trading cards and see Michael have to go pro trading cards. Oh man, there's so many things that this could really be hard. So the discussion today, the debate is Why are you smiling? I don't know. I'm so nervous for what he's about to say. Yeah, I know. I feel like you're in on it and the coin's rigged. Men are better than women. We're going to get cancelled. No, we're not. It's fine to have healthy discussions about this. I have in this hat pro or con. So whichever one of them picks, if they pick out pro, they are pro that argument. If they pick out con, they are con that argument. Alright, paper scissors rock to see who picks. Quickly. Paper rock. You want to pick? Just wait. Before we begin this segment, obviously all of this is a joke. They're just trying to win the debate. They don't actually have these views. So calm the fuck down. Marty thinks we're going to get cancelled because he would have said that. No, I just know that you're concerned and I don't want you to hold back. Alright, this is to see how good our debating skills are. I'm con. Oh my god. So it matters to be saying that men are definitely better than women. Oh my god. That's a shame, isn't it? Oh my god. Okay, I don't have an argument. Wait, wait. I'm a men better than women. I don't have a fucking argument. Yes you do. I've lost. Do you want me to do your side? It sounds like you both want to do each others. We've got to go with the rules. We're being crazy. Alright, so Oh my god. So Michael picks a you go first. How about that? Let's do that. That's fair. Alright, so Matt you have two minutes to tell me in the audience why men are way better. Should we have the boys in as the boys aren't here. It's like 6 30. Wow. Michael thought everyone's still here. Fuck me. It's only us. Alright, Matt. Three, two, one. Why men are better than women? Jesus Christ. We're stronger. We're faster. Do you have any proof? Yes. I look at the Olympic games. 100 meters is faster. We're stronger. We lift heavier. Where the protectors of women So you're saying women can't protect themselves? No, they cannot. If a war comes, we will fight it. Okay. Fuck. We they need our to make the babies as well. So without us babies cannot be created and life will not go on. Well, couldn't they just get all men and capture them and milk them like similar to how you did yourself? No, they can't because we're too strong. We're too strong to be captured by women and then milked dry. We might just let it happen for a bit of fun but we will not let that happen over time. We are stronger for civilization to continue. We will be the protectors will be the builders and will be the creators of life. Okay. Oh shit. You can end if you want but you got two minutes. Okay. So I can just sit back a bit. Okay. You can end it if you want. Alright. Some points. Okay. Okay. Now, before I get into mine, can I just say like so you'll be like the instigator like so you're the moderator that asks questions and get involved. Yeah, I didn't know that. I wish you would tell us. That's a lot of silence I just wanted to provoke some thought. Yeah. But if you're a really good debater and speaker you won't need that. Here we go. Let's be clear. Three, two, one, go. Alright. Why women are better than men? Clean. Good to clean. Great clean. Shower. Clean. Bathroom. Clean. Kitchen. Clean. Hungry. Cook. Food. Do you say men can't clean? I'm saying women are great cooks are great cleaners. So men aren't. They have great body parts. They're also really good at reading. They're better than me and I'm a boy and they're better. They're really good at reading. Where's the proof of that? Sorry, I'm not allowed to talk. Women are naturally really good at reading. Okay. That's just a fact. They know how to read. They know also that look think about this girls they can have long hair and short hair boys you have long hair you're a girl. He's has long hair. Okay, that's girls are better. Is there anything that women can do that men can't? Don't give him hints. Women can do they are great at they are really really good at complaining. Oh my god. Can't wait for my rebuttal. This is f**ked man. Women are good. Thank you. And time there. Start the time for my rebuttal please. He forgot to. Anyway, I'm not going to get involved. So you got one minute here Matt to rebut. Okay. Go. Should I tell you all the things that you missed and win this? But I won't need to. Okay, so Askash tits The cleaning is all lovely. But you do it out of the fear of the man. We put you in those positions. We made the great ass a beautiful thing because we decided to love it. We made the tits great because we decided to love it. Not because it was great. We made it great. Also Jesus is a man. Done. That's a short rebuttal. God is also a man. This is now it Michael. And try and undo some of his points. This is wildly inappropriate everybody. I don't know if we can continue this segment but I am enjoying myself. I'm just trying to win. I don't believe that. It's important to remember we don't have these beliefs. I'll give you a hint. You guys have kids. Come on. I've given you. The only ones that can produce the kid. Go. First one was just a joke. This one is serious. Women are very, very important. They are great at reading. They are really, really good at talking. They always keep the place tidy. They also are necessary to breed. You basically can't cook if you don't have an oven. A woman is an oven. She makes the baby in a tummy which is necessary and important. Also very vital. It is absolutely if not happened it would be obsolete. It's important. Did I mention? It is very, very, very great as that. Time. Boys. We are probably not the best debate to say. I gave you your second answer. Plus you repeated some of the stuff from before. I'm going to have to give that to Matt. Exactly. I can't do that. That wins week one. One nil to Matt. Let's move on as quick as we can. No, it's fine. I didn't mean to say anything. Unless, of course, someone clips you guys saying that shit and posts it out of completely out of context. Which, like, don't do that. That would not be funny at all. Oh, man, I'm so nervous for that one now. The great debate. It's not meant to be not great. It's the great debate. Alright, fuck. Can you choose a bit more friendly pussy? Yeah. And, like, look, I'm only going off my own knowledge because I've got a wife, right? I can say that. That's why you were saying all those terrible things? No, I wasn't saying that. They're not terrible. They genuinely are. It took you to the rebuttal and me reminding you that they could have kids. Amber is just the most amazing fuck. Yeah, she's great reader. The place is spotless. It's fucking spotless all the time. If I was left in charge, it would be a mess. I'm going to pause you right there. James Lee, good friend of ours, house, spotless. He's a chick. I'm sorry. Wait, is he a guy? That's a bad joke. I knew you were a man. Now, look, I meant it from the bottom of my heart because my wife is so fucking good at cleaning and she's good at reading and she's got a bang and bod. So there you go. Let's move on. The debate is over. The debate is over. It's determined from that argument that men are better than women. And Matt is the winner. We should have a tally. Europe won. I'm quite nervous. I won the Matt vs Michael competition. Now the great debate. It's going to be hard. I've got to get it better. Go, Matthew. The long break will be right back with prank call and lying segment. All right, guys. It's time for a segment that we all know and love. We've got our podcast phone here right here. Would you mind putting the number up again? Feel free to call us. Leave in your ring in rings topic voicemail and just leave us voicemails, texts us, whatever you want to do really. We're going to use this phone now because people don't have this phone saved. That's good. Greg. We can call Greg as a student or a mother of a student wanting to get a lesson booked in. Does that mean we're at the lying segment? Yeah. We like to... Don't trust us. ...a Mercedes Benz. Not. We like to you again and again. They don't trust us. Oh, look. It's not. Very, very good. You should have tried harder in your debate. Now I look like the evil person. What do you mean? I fucking just said women are only good at cleaning. Let's move on from that. I really enjoyed that segment. All right. We're going to call Greg. I feel like I have to be a man. Hello, this is Greg. G'day, Greg. I'm just calling in regards. Sure, mate. It's got your number off one of the other boys. He's just interested in getting involved in the tennis, mate. Is there any kind of squads? Yeah, sure. How old is he? So he's 10 years old in a couple of months. Okay. So he's quite young, yeah. I'm just trying to think what day would be the best. Is he available any day? Yeah, we'll look. I'll have to double check with his mother. She picks him up on Mondays and Tuesdays, but I'll come and get him. Oh, my goodness. Just go away. Just go away. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm sorry. I hate myself. We almost had you. We had you. I hate myself. We were talking for a bit. We were talking to us. We were talking to us. I'm so disgusted in myself. No. Greg was wasting his own time. But anyway, we fucking love... What were you going to say? Were you just going to make it an absolute... I was just going to literally book him in for lessons and then hang up. Oh, you were just going to book him. You were actually going to book him in. Yeah, I was going to get him involved in the program. Oh, fill up his squad. So, when someone does call and you say it's full, you lose business. The thing is, I don't even take bookings. You're lucky I actually started like talking to you. Normally, I'm just like, oh, you can call the admin ladies on this number. Oh, that's so true. So what do you do then, Greg? He just coaches me. He coaches me. Anyway, Greg, the podcast is back. This is your first podcast. Yeah, it is. I'll be expecting many more. Greg, when was the exact moment? What did he say to make your brain go, I'm getting bamboozled? Oh, I know. When he just made... I just know he's voiced that he makes when he's like, oh, okay. Yeah, look, so I'll just think about that. I just know he's voiced. Yeah, we did. It really annoyed me that I didn't even know it at the start. Well, it's a pretty good voice. A South African elderly man. Oh, man. Well, look, we... Thank you, Greg. Well, no worries. See you, dude. Sorry. All right, guys, it's time for the prank fucking call. All right? And for this week, we've got a special, a special little twist. It's like a little piggie's tail twisted around. Is that bone in there in a pig's tail? I don't know. Did that have bones in tail? It's cartilage. It's cartilage. I wonder why they even have that. It's cartilage. It's pretty fucked up. You think about, you know, Hog's breath. Now there's curly fries. How they fucking have so many? That means every pig they have, one chip. Yeah, chop them into a lot of dead pigs. Yeah, they kill them just for the tails. Is that real? Well, they usually chop them fairly early. But usually they're alive. It's actually potato. Anyway, prank call everyone. Little special little twist, like a little piggie's tail. Oh, my back. This week, I'm going to be Darren. All right, and I, I have a date. So I have to call a random store and I have to try and get a date. No, you find the store. And I have to try and get a date. Okay, make it a girl if you can. Just statistically, it's easier for me because most people are straight. Yeah, let's see our answer from the famous. No, wait, should we leave it for to read next week? Next week we get a new one. If we get the answer, then we answer it on the podcast because this is, we have just gotten a message from the famous Lachlan Gottfried. Look, we've passed stage one everyone. Let's put our hands together. Big round of applause. We are an equal fame with Lachlan Gottfried, because he's responded to us and that means he sees us as an equal. So next week we step it up. Holy shit. What has he said? All right, let's see what he said. So I said to him, hey, bro, love your content. Keep shit flowing, bro. Ride or die, bitch. And Lachlan has replied, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, mate, really appreciate that, brother. Hey. I'm going to send that to you right now, Conan, to chuck up so you can see that we never lie. Here you go. Yeah, good day. My name's Darren. I'm here for Sway. Thank you for coming. Yeah, it was a pleasure. I can't wait to give you a second. If you've got them tonne beers, you know the T. U. N. I'll think it's that's good. Well, yeah. Oh, that's great. Do you have them in tallies or use just got cartons. And we just got the carton of cans of both. Right? Right, right. OK, no worries. What time you use clothes in that? Yeah, I'll be here. OK, and what was your name again, sorry? What was your name again? Jolene. Jolene, Jolene, you sound so friendly in that look. I'm kind of excited to see you in that, because like, you got like such a vibrance in your voice and that, so I'm like, yeah, it's like... Thank you. No, that's all right. Yes, I'll come on in. And Jolene, look, I know it's more BB4 than that, but I like believe in like energy and like vibration and that, and like, I don't know, I feel like... There's like, I don't know, like, it's hard to explain, but maybe like a little spark or something between us. I was just checking, are you single or are you in a relationship? No, I'm married, actually. Oh, right, OK, no worries. Oh, so no wiggle room for maybe a little bit of fun on this one? No, no worries. No worries, Jolene. Or I'll tell you what, just thought I'd say you're a legend anyway and I'll come in and grab that tongue off you soon, ball. No worries, thank you very much. I love you. I love you with all my heart. No! I hate that. I hate it. It's so hard to hear. Oh, my God. I reckon we have three cracks. Dude, is this two cringe, though? Are people just going to turn off because it's two cringe? No, I love it. I don't need to do anymore. It was so fucking cringe. I reckon we have three attempts. Jolene's married. You're never going to have a chance with Jolene. She was married. I'll get a new one. That was, I love hearing it, but fuck me. Is it two cringe? No, it might be two cringe. Book of Matt's reaction. Yeah, no, I love it. Dude, this is the best thing we've ever done. Because people don't like two cringe. I've come to realise. Some people do. I sometimes watch people dying by trains. That's not cringe. I thought that was cringe. That's just fucking fucked up. That's crunch. Anyway, let's do Rowlet. Make sure you buy a ticket. Put your words in. Yeah, yeah, where's Thomas? We're on a train. We'll keep it with the Alcov vibe, because it's fucking sick. Nah, she's lava boys. Fucking get fucked, piece of shit. You got to have a night of good time, bro. Let's get written off. Oh. Yeah, good day, Dave. I'm just calling to see if he's got O-tingers in. You know, there'll be O-tingers there. Look, two standard drinks of A-can on that. I'll have a wing. Yeah, cheers, bro. No, I appreciate that. You got Strunk from your voice. Or how many's in a carton again? Is it 24 or 30? Yeah, mate, 24. No worries. Do you play sport? You sound like a quarter fucking... Like a big fella. Oh, mate. Yeah, you got like that depth in your voice. You know what I mean? You sound like you bloody... You know, a bit of a manly man. Is that right? I mean, I'm just a bloke. Mate, well, it might be a bit forward in that, but like... I believe in like frequency and vibration and that more vibration and that. So I was just thinking, I don't know if you're single or nothing, but we could maybe go and get... I don't know, get a beer to go. Sorry, I'm just a bit fucking nervous now. I must not to laugh on that one, man. I was cracking up, man. Man, you sound like a real manly man. Dude, that is just... We found a new thing. This is so... Having missions for the characters is so much fun. What did you say? You sound like you got strength in your voice. Dude, you sound like you believe in frequencies and vibrations and frequencies. Like, you said the same thing. It's so cool, dude. That was fucked up. I reckon even like push from... I thought it'd be easier. Push from... You sound like such a piece of shit. What would you ever want to come and talk with that guy, dude? DARREN is like the fucking bottom of the barrel. Yeah, I've got to make myself sound like better. You're right, OK? And, OK, so reiterate like how I reckon with this one that... Look, I'm going to be in there probably like 10-2, so I'll get drinks... Like, do you want to have a cup? We're finishing. We can go down to the park or something. Yeah. Yeah, g'day, Joshy. My name's Darren. I'm just calling. I'll see if he's got that B-0 tango. You know, they're like quite tall cans. Yeah. Two standard drinks per can. Do you have that in stock or...? Do you have a carton or a six pack or a four or what? How many is in the carton, Joshy? How many is in the carton? 24. Right, right, right, right. OK, so what's that? How many stand drinks, that? About 40 odd, eh? All right, well... 48. What time, 48, is it? All right, fuck you fucking... Quick, eh? Yeah, fuck me, mate. You got some smarts about your brother. No. No. How long use... How long use boys open for on that? Oh! I open to 48, 45 minutes. All right, OK. I'll show you then. All right, you can go to the drive-through. OK. All right, so are you going to be there in the drive-through? What time do you finish? No, Joshy. Oh, I finish at 8. All right, OK, that's... I'll go to the drive-through. It's open to 10. No, I'll probably get there right on 8. Like, probably right as you finish. All right, that was good. Um... Mate, oh... This is going to sound like... You're going to think I'm crazy in that. But look, I believe in, like, um... Fating that and, like, doing something and it having, like, um, like men and that, like, when things happen, like, it's like, it's meant to be and shit like that. Um, and... I don't know, do you want to have beer with me, brother? Like, oh, you can have one of the... Oh, well, good thing. Are you in a relationship? Right, OK. No worries. All right, well, what about another time then, look? Well, we could just go to the park next door and just have an O-ting again. Right, um... What was that? Yeah, because I don't want to. Right, OK. All right, Joshy, well, yeah, no, that's fair enough, mate. I'll come get the O-tingers and I'll be sure not to make eye contact with you because that's awkward as fuck now, isn't it? Yeah. All right. No worries. All right, Joshy, we'll, um... Can that customer hear me doing that? Ah! Can that customer hear me doing that? Oh... Oh, my goodness. I'm going to give the customer a little tip. I'm going to hear her, the customer. Yeah, true. Oh, man. Oh, you should have said, can I come home with you? Yeah, I can't read the leaves. I don't want to. I'm going to get the board back so I can write down fucking things. I think, look, we didn't get a date, but this is like a great idea. Giving the characters missions creates a whole new dynamic. It's like Red Dead, but pretty cool. It is. It's literally like watching the best speed-through game ever. It's like Crash Bandicoot. That's enough. That's enough. All right, guys, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, and that's, like, just, we love your support and shit. There's a lot to do. So do we need to go over it again? Like what? Oh, yeah, don't forget to call in Rings, your Bender Injuries. Tell us the stories. Tell us your Bender Injuries stories or just leave us some voicemails or some text and shit. OK, put the numbers right here. OK, call it if you want. And other than that, we're going to have new segments that are going to be back in week three or in week two. Are we reading out questions if people ask them on the course? Yeah, you can still leave your questions. Yeah, people can leave questions. Anyway, five-star review on Spotify. My goal is 2K. Did you know, like, if we are on 2K, we have more five-star reviews in Russell Brand? How insane is that? Anyway, sorry, I want to see if we can get a Spotify five-stars to 2,000. We're at 2.8K. Did you know that? I feel like you knew that. I didn't know that. Let's get to 3K, everybody. That would be so fucking cool. Tell your friends and everyone about us, too, and don't forget to let us know which segments you liked and which ones you thought were fucking shit, everyone. And everyone, have a great time and thank you to our sponsors. We haven't even done half the segments. We haven't even done half the segments. It's going to be crazy. Yeah, we've been going for like an hour and a half. Some weeks, there'll be different segments. Other weeks, there'll be different segments. And on other weeks, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best.