 Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back. What do you think makes a parent toxic? Most people would say it's being narcissistic and controlling, while others might answer being too harsh and overly critical. Abuse, be it physical, mental or emotional, and neglect certainly plays a big part too, in what you would consider toxic. But what about some of the less obvious and easy to spot signs? What about the red flags so subtle we don't even see them? Let's talk about it. Here are 7 subtle signs your parent may be toxic. 1. They're unsupportive and don't believe in you. Have your parents ever been unsupportive of something you wanted to do or discouraged you from doing the things that make you happy? Do they belittle your dreams and undermine your accomplishments? Did they tell you things like you're just wasting your time with that when you should be doing this instead? While it's normal for parents and their children to disagree, a parent should never make their child feel like they're not good enough to achieve their dreams or that what they want doesn't matter. 2. They expect the worst from you. Another warning sign that your parents are toxic for you is if they're constantly expecting the worst from you, breathing down your neck and jumping at the chance to see you mess up. They don't afford you any freedom to make mistakes and learn from them because they immediately jump to the worst conclusions about you. They can't forgive you for your past mistakes and refuse to believe that you've changed or at the very least that you're trying to. And their lack of support and low expectations do nothing but hold you back even more. 3. They pressure and overburden you. The pressure of living up to your parents' expectations weighs heavy on every child, especially for those who excel at school or have a lot of talent. Parents often push their children to work hard and do their best because they want to see them realizing their fullest potential, but there's a difference between encouraging your child and overburdening them. So if you feel a lot of pressure from your parents to be the very best at everything you do because anything short of perfect would be a terrible disappointment to them, then they're doing more harm than good to your mental health. 4. They make you the parent. Do you often feel like the roles have reversed between you and your parents and more often than not, you're the one who ends up taking care of them? Parents who are neglectful, careless and irresponsible leave their children to pick up their slack. And having to grow up before you're ready and be the parent at a young age can have a lot of negative repercussions such as elevated levels of anxiety, depression and neuroticism. Many parentified children also tend to grow up to be people pleasers who gravitate towards emotionally dependent and exploitative partners and friends. 5. They're emotionally dependent on you. Another subtle sign that your parents are toxic is if they're emotionally dependent on you. Now this can be hard to spot because often times we simply excuse these problematic behaviors as a sign that our parents love us too much. But when they start to become too clingy, needy or possessive, to the point where it seems like you're their one and only source of happiness and fulfillment and should therefore be at their constant beck and call, it traps you in a vicious unhealthy cycle of codependency that sucks all your time, attention and energy. 6. They don't communicate with you. The foundation of any strong, positive social relationship. Communication. Communication is an interval life skill for anyone to have. But if you struggle to express yourself and speak openly about what you think and feel, it might be because you grew up with parents who struggle to communicate with you. Maybe it was because they felt awkward and didn't know how to talk to you about serious issues or thought that simply not speaking about it would eventually make it go away. Maybe they'd give you the cold shoulder treatment to manipulate you into doing as they say or express their disappointment in you. Whatever their reasons might be, the bottom line is there's no excuse for cutting off communication with your child. 7. They use you as a pawn in their problems. If your parents use you as a pawn in their own problems, then they are, no doubt, toxic parents. This is something that commonly happens in unhappy marriages or divorced families. Often parents will argue with one another about who knows best for their child, who their child likes more, who's the better parent and so on. And treat you more like a bargaining chip than a child. So do you relate to any of these things we've mentioned here? As watching this video made you understand a little bit better about how your struggles of growing up with a toxic parent affected you. As American author Susan Forward once said, people can forgive toxic parents. But they should do it at the conclusion and not at the beginning of their emotional house cleaning. It's okay to get angry about what happened to you, to grieve over the fact that you never had the parental love that you yearned for. So if you or anyone you know is seriously struggling because of a toxic relationship, be it with your parents or otherwise, then don't hesitate to reach out to a mental healthcare professional today and seek help. Did this video help you find some insight? Please like and share it with friends that might find value in the video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.