 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself have a coke and now Claudia I said you better stop singing and start washing and start washing instead Julian Hartley will be here any minute That's what you've been saying all day And the day is almost over so they're bound to come any minute Let them come, I'll be ready for them What happens to you in the shower anyway, David? I get clean, what happens to you? Oh, you goop Feeling pretty good today I'm feeling wonderful Don't see why you should, you work like a fool all day Fools always feel wonderful No brain but lots of brawn Exactly Well come on out of that shower brawn, nuts, nuts I'll be out in a minute David, what's happened? Did you fall down? Are you all right? David, what's happened? Get me in Over all those screams all of a sudden I turned on the cold water Oh, for heaven's sake, you scared me out of three years growth, you brute Had a man take a cold shower without announcing it to his wife? What are you trying to do? Catch pneumonia? Who said anything about pneumonia? Taking cold showers in the middle of winter Middle of October End of October Just gotten out of a sick bed I got out of a sick bed weeks ago Well anyway, it's crazy Getting out of a sick bed Taking a cold shower for no reason is a terrible shock to your system Feels wonderful, fills me with pep and energy Makes me feel young again, like before I was married That is just a superstition with men What, getting married? Oh, I hate you You wouldn't catch sense of old women doing it They just haven't got the courage Oh, brawn and no brain is right No point in arguing with you when you do something for the sake of manhood Tell me, did you get a lot done on the place today? We certainly did Fritz and I got the whole road to the barn fixed up Is that good? It's terrific Well, you couldn't get six hard hands to do that in a day That's only two more than you and Fritz have What? Hands You and Fritz are four, so what's so wonderful about six? Oh, stop acting like a clock, you know what I mean Well now we're even We took all the stones out of the road and grazed it So it's nice and smooth and even Filled in the ditches and covered it with cinders You must really be feeling pretty good to do all that I'm feeling wonderful, why shouldn't I? It's just a slight matter of car accident A couple of weeks in the hospital, a concussion of the brain And a broken collar bone, just picky you in detail That's all past history The waters have closed over and not a scar to show for it David, you aren't just kidding or pretending, are you? About what, darling? You really are feeling all right This isn't all just a big front, so I won't nag you to take it easy No, Mrs. Norton, no such thing The whole business is gone and forgotten Knock wood and cross your fingers I want you to forget that it ever happened, you hear me? I can't ever forget it ever happened You can't forget things that are important experiences in your life No, of course not I just meant you to forget to worry, that's all Not to forget that I'm back and that it's just luck Because I might very well not have been Hold me tight, David, don't ever let me go I won't I know you won't, not ever Because I won't let you Not ever Not ever Now come on, get into your tie You don't want to be without a tie when Julian Hartley arrives Personally, I don't give one a hoot how I am when Julian Hartley arrives Don't you have any affection for your brother and sister-in-law at all, you monster? Of course I have, where's my comb? I like Hartley I even like Julia Even like Julia? Well, it's not her fault she was born in Boston Had so much money She's very nice in spite of it Snob Me? Snob? Vice versa, but you're still a snob Oh, there they are And I am practically in my tie Come on down Hey, take it easy on those stairs, or you'll be in the hospital No, don't worry about me Julia Hartley Claudia I couldn't wait for you to get here Well, we're a little late We closed the house in Newport and then ran into some problems Getting all Julia's hat boxes packed into the car Oh, nonsense We started out in plenty of time Hartley hadn't insisted on stopping at that ridiculous restaurant Well, Claudia Lamb, it's good to see you Has been a long time The heaven's egg dough stand on the doorstep Come on in the living room How's that nephew of mine? Bobby's waiting to see you He's enormous A real Norton, that's... I just hope he grows enormous the way David has Not the way you have, Hartley Julia isn't very much in love with my girth I think that's the most becoming thing about you Well, it's the most thing about me at any rate Claudia, I want to go right up and see Bobby He'll stay right where he is until you get there, Julia Have you had a good summer, Claudia? A wonderful summer There'll be busy Here it is the end of October and I don't know where it's all gone But I had the baby, I was in the summer theater And we bought a cow A cow? Is that good? A cow is wonderful After my nephew, I want to see her most She is beautiful You'll love her, Hartley, we do You're a funny child The baby in one breath A cow in the other Well, it's the same sort of thing Tell me, how did you like being in the theater? Yes, I've always wanted an actress in the family Well, I'm not much of an actress, I'm afraid I'm just a spare time actress I guess I'm too busy being married to really be an actor Maybe you should devote more time to the theater What for? Oh, someday, maybe You might be sorry if you don't You know, there's apt to come a time in a woman's life When she needs other things to occupy her And her home and her husband, perhaps, aren't quite enough to fill her life That will never happen to me Perhaps because you don't want it to Perhaps Well, well, well, well, well, Aunt McKinn Hello, Hartley, how are you? How are you? Do you, my favorite sister-in-law? How are you? You're only sister-in-law Yes, so you are Well, you both look fine And David, I've never, never seen you look better It is right, the fire must be the only life You never guessed that David was in a car accident just five weeks ago, would you? What? Did you say car accident? Claudia, for the love of Pete Well, what's the matter with telling it? You're not ashamed of it, are you? It wasn't your fault Well, nobody's interested in my car accident I am And I am, too Of course they're interested They're blood relatives, aren't they? Well, that's not good enough reason for anything What happened, Claudia? Only that David was in a terrible accident He could have been killed Oh, no The other man was It was all his fault, but even so, it was a tragic thing to happen to him Well, look, Claudia Now, hush up, David Anyway, it was, it was a rainy morning David was driving off to the station just like any other morning Only the next thing he knew, this car crashed into him And he was unconscious by the side of the road Well, how awful! Why didn't you let us know? Well, first David was so sick and then he was all right I didn't see any point in letting you know How sick was he? Now, why keep digging up these old corpses? Because everybody loves talking about their operation So if you won't, I will Julie, he had a concussion of the brain, a bad one, too Hey, that can be serious It was He broke his collarbone, too He just had the luck of a fool that it didn't puncture his lung Well, David, that's awful Well, I was pretty bad for a few days, but I'm all over it now So we can just I wish I'd known Well, I don't know what I've done, but I wish I'd known I was only in the hospital two weeks Only David, how long ago did it happen? Just a little over a month And I'm good as new I spent all afternoon fixing up the road to the barn Not a twinge Mm-hmm I thought you looked a little peeked to me Yes, at first glance you looked well But now that I look at you more closely, Julie is right You do look a little bit peeked Oh, now I'm non-sick You really think he does? Yes, I do Then I do I've gained two pounds Perhaps not where you had them before David, I don't think you ought to be so strenuous so quickly I had a friend who had a concussion She was fine for four weeks and the fifth week she collapsed Nobody knew why It's a blood clot Now I'm not saying this to upset you, but... No, no, of course not Julie just means it is a warning for you to watch out Oh, dear Now look, this is all a lot of nonsense I think you're wonderful, David, to have this attitude to be so calm and heroic about it But it's not very clever Do you have a good doctor? The best of the best Who, my boy? Dr. Barry Dr. what, Barry? Dr. Augustus Barry Augustus Barry? I've never heard of him Well, you wouldn't have He's the local doctor in Eastbrook He takes care of Bobby, too He's just one of them He takes care of Bobby, too You mean he's not a specialist? No, he's a general man He brings babies into the world He takes tonsils out He takes care of ulcers Except not many farmers have ulcers Oh, Dr. Barry is a wonderful man I don't like the sound of him There's a fine man in New York You know Philip Dexter Well, when Dexter broke a vertebrae or something He saw a very fine man Dr. Brooks I think you ought to see him about the broken bone, David And, of course, you've heard of heart I'm the brain specialist I think you ought to come into town tomorrow And have him look you over But there's nothing to matter with my brain There's nothing to matter with my bone, either Well, you can't be too careful After all, Julia's right, David Why take chances with your health? Maybe you ought to see that bone, man, David And the brain, man, too I feel fine You can't feel fine Not after what you've been through I wouldn't feel fine, I know How can I make you see that I do? Now, David, it's quite honorable for you To behave in this way so Claudia won't worry If it were me, I'd still be in the hospital But it isn't you, it's me It's I, David I don't care who it is I'm feeling all right Claudia, you must have had your hands full Before, dear Well, I imagine that David Was the most difficult convalescent Well, I'm grateful he's not the kind of man Who pampers himself But there are extremes Now, David, take my advice You come into town and see these specialists That's the last thing in the world I intend to do Well, I guess there's no point In talking about it now, aren't they? We'll let Claudia talk to him about it later Oh, dear It's getting so late Yeah, so if we want to see Master Norton We'd better step on it I wouldn't dream of leaving Without seeing my first nephew Well, let's go up then You too? Of course me too He's my son, isn't he? Yes, but you've just come down the stairs So what? So you don't want to go climbing up them again? Why not? Well, man, you've been a very sick boy Now, you stay in the living room, David We'll be down in a moment But I don't want to stay in the living room You coming, Hartley? If absolutely necessary, Claudia You stay downstairs with him We'll find our way around the second floor You have your orders, David Oh, darling, maybe you better stay downstairs Maybe... For the love of Mike What for the love of Mike? I just get around to convincing you That I was perfectly all right I'm fine Then Julia and Hartley had to come up here And spoil everything I'm going up... What's the matter, darling? Twinge in my shoulder A twinge? Oh, it's probably only the power of suggestion If you go up, I'll stay here Shopping often has its exasperating moments You can't find what you want Or the price is too high Or they don't have your size When such irritations overtake you Take yourself over to the Coca-Cola cooler You'll find those friendly red coolers In most stores these days After delicious ice-cold coke You somehow take things in your stride Because you shop refreshed Mr. King, a word with you in private? With pleasure, Mrs. Norton Tell me, is David really all well again? I think so I hope so, but he's not the kind of man To take care of himself Strange how he and his brother are different Well, that's often the case And Claudia, she and I married The two brothers and so different, too That's what makes a horse racing? Hmm, so they say Claudia looks well, but I hope this farm life isn't too much for her Oh, I don't think so No beauty parlors near, no time for real care No woman can afford to let herself go I've given her a little advice to that effect And she'll take it Much to David's dismay Really? To his dismay? Tomorrow, Mrs. Norton Come around, you'll see I will Goodbye Sorry, I interrupted you Oh, not at all, not at all Every day, Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed With the best wishes of your friendly neighbor Who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying Au revoir And remember, whoever you are Whatever you do, wherever you may be When you think of refreshment Think of Coca-Cola Or Coca-Cola makes any pause The pause that refreshes And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere This broadcast of Claudia was supervised And erected by William Brown Maloney And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor Who bottles Coca-Cola