 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Johnathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this livestream for you today. Our topic, the five ways to spot red flags and guys who are not ready for a relationship. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Also, my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if that isn't your cup of tea, log off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my opinions, my perceptions by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a contrarian, so much of my advice is contrary to the rhetoric that you might be hearing out there. So decide for yourself after you hear this entire broadcast. All right, let's jump into those five ways to spot guys who are not ready. All right, let's think about the difference between a red flag and a deal breaker. Now, a deal breaker means no. In other words, you will not, this is the line you draw on the sand when it comes to maybe someone's circumstances in their life. Maybe it's their behavior. Maybe it's where their future lies, whatever it is. Maybe it is they're a smoker and you're not interested in being with the smoker because you're a health conscious person. Whatever it is, a deal breaker is where you draw the line in the sand. Now, I know a lot of people draw their line in the sand is I don't wanna be with people who are liars and cheaters and untrustworthy. Can we just agree those are a given? Those are a given. And many women like don't wanna be with cheaters, liars and all that kind of stuff. So you don't need to even put that on a dating app or putting it on a dating profile. Can I just tell you that will set you up for failure if you're starting with those examples of deal breakers. Now, it's very fair to have deal breakers in your life and I invite you to explore what they are for you. I wanna differentiate a deal breaker to a red flag but a red flag merely means caution, caution. I mean, well, it means stop actually. So let's think of the stop light. There's the green light, the yellow light and the red light. So the green light means progress forward. The yellow light means caution and the red light means stop. In other words, what makes you stop? What stops you in your tracks? And I want to invite you to do the following when something stops you in your tracks because it's not a deal breaker yet. It just simply means stop for a moment and maybe ask more questions. Let me repeat that, ask more questions. That's what a red flag is. It merely means, hmm, something seems off. Let me ask more questions. I'm gonna do that again. Something seems off. Let me ask more questions and I'm saying that with a little tongue in cheek here. But the point is, is a red flag is just means stop for a moment, pause. Now, I know a lot of you look at red flags like, oh, he tipped the waiter less than what you would have. So that might mean that they're cheap or something like that. I'm tired of rhetoric like that. That's the nitpicky kind of red flags. I wanna lean into the deeper emotional red flags you should be paying attention to. And the following five that we're about to share today are probably, if not absolutely, probably, probably, if not absolutely, the most important things you should be paying attention for right from the very get-go, right from the very first telephone call, the first phone call, the first date or the first few dates, because guess what? I've interviewed hundreds of women after a breakup and they all said the same thing. I knew something was off on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth date but I went against my better judgment. So here today, folks, I don't want you to go against your better judgment. I want you to lean into being more rational, being more intentional in this process of dating, mating or relating so you don't find yourself on the other end of feeling hurt or disappointed later on down the road. I'm gonna repeat that, getting hurt or disappointed later on down the road. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and we're gonna lean into the five ways to spot red flags in a guy who's not ready. All right, number one, this is the guy who says he's not ready for a relationship. I mean, it blows me away. How many men and women will actually date one another and women do this, everything I'm about to share today, women do the exact same thing. So this isn't singular to men. I know you guys are interested in men so I'm leaning, my audience is women and let me just say women do the same thing. When someone says they're not ready for a serious relationship or they're not ready for a relationship, you should believe them. I don't know, I mean, really you, well, okay, so we just said red flags means ask more questions. So let's lean into this for a second. Let's lean into this for a second. So what do you mean you're not ready for a relationship? What does that, then why are you on a dating app? Well, I just wanna have fun. It's all about having fun. You know, let's just focus on having fun. You know what, you're getting way too serious. Let's just focus on having fun and getting to know one another. Folks, by the time you start to get attached to another human being, it's very, as soon as you get hooked, it's very difficult to detach from someone when you've only been focusing on having fun. And I can tell you, most dating coaches will encourage you not to actually ask better questions on the first phone call, the first date or the second date because it should all be about having fun. My philosophy is quite a bit different. My philosophy is interrogate the motherfucker. In other words, you should be interrogating each other. Now, I say it with a little tongue in cheek. What I mean to say though, is it's all, dating isn't a numbers game. I know a lot of male coaches try to encourage women to understand that dating is a numbers game. And you should just be talking, you know, you should spend about 15 to 30 minutes a day on the dating apps, communicating with men, scheduling one date a week so you can have 52 dates in a month, in a year. Who the fuck wants to go out on 52 dates? It's not a numbers game. Dating is a prospecting game, prospecting, just like the old prospect minors. And what I mean to say is wouldn't you rather narrow it down from 52 men, 52, to narrow it down to two potential partners? Wouldn't that have more value to you to be able to learn how to ask better questions? Well, the first one right off the bat centers around if they're not looking for a serious relationship then dig a little bit deeper because ladies, I know many of you're going, well, you know what, I'm not looking for anything serious too. And then guess what happens? You get attached, you get attached, and then all of a sudden he's like saying, hey, look, I laid my cards right on the table. I wasn't looking for anything serious. That's on you and not on them. So I'm here to suggest going forward, ask better questions. And if you need some help with that, check out the link in the description to a free discovery call with me. My area of expertise is teaching you how to ask better questions in the early stages of dating, mating, or relating so you can determine emotional maturity and to determine if you're genuinely compatible with one another by asking specific questions based on your personality. So again, check out the link below. Number two, what did I write down here? Oh, these days I'm noticing a propensity from both men and women to treat human beings as disposable, as disposable. And the best way, the red flag of someone treating you disposable is that their actions don't match their words. Their actions don't match their words. So let's start with the dating app. As an example, you've clearly stated in your profile that you're seeking a fully committed relationship. But in the dating process, you take days to return text messages or they take days to return the text message or they say they're gonna call you and they don't call you. You know, when someone's actions don't match their words, it's actually treating people as disposable. And sadly, especially in the dating realm, men and women alike are treating each other as disposable. And so I'm here to say your actions should match your words. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the agreements is be impeccable with your word. And that starts from the very first communication because let me tell you something. I'm on the dating sites. I can't, I would say roughly 70 to 80% of the women that reach out to me, write me, are absolutely flaky in communication. Now they might have reasons why they're flaky with communication. They're busy, they've got stuff going on in their life. I get that, but guess what? What does that say about a human being when you're flaky with communication? Now again, there's always the exception to the rule. I'm here to say the actions consistently match the words, whether it's a man or woman, because when we begin to treat people as disposable, quite frankly, we're very ambivalent. And that's a huge red flag that someone isn't ready for a serious, fully committed relationship. Okay, number three. No, he lives in victim consciousness. He lives in victim consciousness. Oh my God, many women are doing this. They're suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. And the best way to determine this is to simply ask questions about their mostly divorce. By the way, in my demographic midlife, roughly 75% of people over 45 years old are divorced. And there's the never married and the widowers in that group. But roughly 75% of people are divorced. Best way to determine victim consciousness is people that bag on their ex-spouse and they blame their ex-spouse for the problems in their relationship. I can't tell you how many... I'm seeing this from the male perspective and I hear this from my clientele. How many men take no ownership in the ending of their relationship? And let me just say this, this is equally true for women. Equally true for women. So many of you are the victim of whatever happened in your past relationship. And unless you have to call a doctor, an attorney, or a policeman because something genuinely violent happened, you are in charge of your destiny. Nobody else is in charge of your destiny. So one of the big red flags to pay attention are men who throw their past relationship under the bus. Now you might be saying, well, Jonathan, what happened in your marriage? I'm gonna tell you. You know what? I got married too young. What I mean by too young is I didn't know who I was. I was very selfish in my marriage. I was very myopic in my marriage. I was following programming. I also, a woman I married didn't have chemistry for me. I learned that after we went through a divorce. She admitted that in therapy. So she has a part to play in the ending of our relationship and I have a part to play in the end of our relationship. That is a grown-up way to view life. Are we viewing it from victor consciousness or victim consciousness? And sadly, men and women alike are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here in the United States, particularly. So that's a great sign, red flag, stop, hold your horses, ask better questions. Now quite frankly, if someone doesn't take, if they take zero ownership in the ending of their relationship, man or woman, I wouldn't invest in them. That's my belief system. Here's the thing. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, okay? By the way, this is, if you can see on the bottom, this is not a fact. This is an opinion, these numbers. I believe 20% of the population here in the United States have clinical issues, clinical issues that make them absolutely unfit to be in relationship. Then there's the 20% that are emotionally healthy. They have good relationship skills. Most everybody else is in the dysfunctional range, the dysfunctional range. This is why many of you are struggling because everybody thinks they're in the healthy category when they're most likely in the dysfunctional clinical category. And I can tell you, I know how many of you have dated narcissists out there. And by the way, statistically speaking, men are more narcissistic than women. Here's the thing, statistically speaking, women are more borderline personality than men. And let me just tell you something. There is just as many borderline personality people out there as there are narcissistic people out there. So the reason why men call women crazy, that's borderline behavior. And most people are unconscious or unaware that they actually have these clinical issues. So I'm here to say, we're all swimming in the same pool. This is why I'm a big proponent of asking better questions. And be careful of those who are in victim consciousness. Number four, he's experiencing chaos in his life. It's his work life, his ex-spouse, maybe his children, maybe his health. There's chaos going on in his life. The ground underneath him doesn't feel very solid. And for those people, it's very challenging to actually be in a relationship. That's a huge red flag when someone is going through chaos. Folks, I went through, I was a train wreck after my divorce. I kept wanting a relationship. I wasn't capable of a relationship. When someone, I was going through job issues. I was had a drug and alcohol problem back in the day. I mean, the list goes on and on. And like many men, I was going through the tunnel of midlife crisis. Back to midlife, you're gonna get the vast majority of men or women are going through some sort of midlife crisis. So here's the thing. The more chaos, the more the red flag. Low chaos might be yellow flag, big chaos, red flag, okay? Red flag. And lastly, and this is a big one. I see this with men and women alike. Their most recent relationship just ended. Their most recent relationship just ended. And they're actually still hung up on their acts. Listen, my most significant relationship ended four years ago. It took me a good year before I was no longer hung up on her. I was caught in that cycle of victim consciousness. I was caught up in the cycle. I loved her more than she loved me kind of stuff. And it took me a good year to let that go. This is why I'm not a big proponent of dating people that are just going through a divorce or just ended a significant relationship if they haven't taken a good year off for themselves. And for me, you know, what happened the following year is I lost my mother and I lost my son, my 19 year old son to an accident. So I've been dealing with a lot of chaos. The ground underneath me wasn't solid to be in a relationship. But I'm gonna tell you that first year after our breakup, I was still hung up on her. And a lot of you women do this and a lot of men do this. So just recognize that it takes time to unravel the tapestry of an old life before you're ready for a new life. And if someone is still hung up on their ex, stop, ask questions, but here's the problem on this one. They can all say, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. You know what? Don't roll the dice. Tell them to come back a year or two later after they've had a transition girlfriend because what you don't wanna be is the transition relationship when someone is still hung up on their past relationship. And you know this because they're always talking about their past relationship. That is the biggest red flag of all. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know by hitting that like button. All right, we're gonna take questions for a little bit now. So for those who are listening to the live stream here on YouTube, there's a chat box in the corner. You can post a question by writing the word question and posting the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign there. The funds from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. There he is right there. Oh, I went, a little pause for a moment. The monies from that fund helps to fray the cost of personal development for those seeking personal development help. All right, time to jump in to our questions. So let me go to the Q&A board. All right, let's see what we have here. And it just occurred to me that I didn't, I shot a video for Sunday and it happened to be Halloween. I forgot to dress up. I can't believe that. So it was just occurring to me because people are posting questions. Also check out this cute mug I got from one of you guys, the Scooby Dooby Doo. I don't know if you know, but I've had a Scooby Doo voice lately. And look at this cute mug that was mailed to me by one of you sweet folks. So thank you so much. I wanna thank Julia for the Super Sticker right now. Thank you so much. That's very sweet of you. I appreciate that. Vivian says you're looking good tonight, Jonathan. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right, let's scroll and see if there are any questions. Sherry says no transition relationships, please. Amen. Or Leif says amen. Let's see if we have any questions. Post the word question and write the question there after so it's easier for me to find. Okay, here we go. Stephanie writes, question. Dating sucks. What about FB for satisfying my sex life? I love dating and I want marriage, but I'm not ready now. I believe FB meaning friends with benefits. So folks, listen, I'm not object to anyone having a friend with benefits. I've had over the years friends with benefits and what that simply means is there's been women in my life that we are friendly to each other. We occasionally get together for some camaraderie which includes intercourse and then we move on. No strings attached, basically what that means. And we're very upfront with one another and I'm okay with that for myself and I'm not judging anyone who chooses that in their life. That's sometimes a transition relationship in it of itself. So if that's something you choose to do, that's totally cool. You just have to be aware of the consequences when you might get attached to someone. And if you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller, you might wanna read this book because there could be a propensity to get attached to someone else in an unhealthy way and then you find yourself having regret later on down the road. So again, no judgment here. Do what feels right for you. Listen, this is your journey. This is your journey. You gotta decide how to, you get to do it however you want. Every single day is a reset button. One day you could feel one way and the next day you can feel another way and that's absolutely okay. That's why it's called life. It's a journey and not a destination. So I invite you to explore it the way you choose to. So, Stephanie, thank you so much for that question. All right, if you have a question, oh, here we go. Question, Diane says, question, I've been divorced for three and a half years. Why is my ex hateful to me? Does this mean I'm not ready? You know, this is a great question. And many, as I said back before, emotional maturity relationship skills. Roughly 80% of the population is either clinical or dysfunctional in their relationship skills. And when someone's feelings get hurt, most humans do not have the tools, the tools in their tool chest to actually navigate their negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life. This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend every one of you to purchase the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process, or go to The Hoffman Process up in Napa, California, or I believe in Connecticut, and I think it's all around the world. This is a book to help heal childhood wounds and traumas, childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one life. And one of the fundamental things that happen at the process is a letting go of past hurts and past pains. There are so many exercises to work and healing on that. So in the case of your ex-partner, most likely this person is very dysfunctional in their emotional maturity. I don't mean maturity, I mean emotional maturity, and they don't have the skills to overcome the hurt and pain that they're experiencing. So that's my belief in that particular case and my suggestion, everybody read the book, The Hoffman Process. Great question there, thank you so much. All right, Linda writes, question, how do you know when a newly divorced man is ready to date without it being a rebound relationship? So I'm gonna tell the story. I went through a divorce myself and started the divorce process in 2005. It took two years for the divorce to finish. I remember five months into my dating life, I met a woman online and she asked me how long you've been divorced. I said, I've been separated for five months. She says, reach out back to me in 18 to 24 months after you've had one to two transition relationships. I said, no, no, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. She goes, no, you're not. Sure enough, two years later, I saw her back online and I wrote her. I said, oh my God, you were so right. I wasn't ready for a relationship back then and sure enough, I had two transition relationships in that process. What I mean by transition relationships, these were very short lived relationships. And I realized in both of them, I wasn't ready for a relationship. It takes a good two years to unravel the tapestry of an old life, a minimum of two years, in some cases, five to 10 years to unravel. Now, here's the thing, I know a lot of men, they go through a divorce and they marry the first person they meet. This is why, because there's significant amount of men and women that have what's called as codependent problems. And there's a book called Codependent No More. People with codependency issues attach themselves to the first person they meet right after they are going through a breakup or a divorce. And then they repeat the pattern because they haven't healed what caused their divorce, they repeat that pattern over and over again. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And this is one of the reasons why we see this pattern. I believe it takes a good two years at a minimum after a divorce to actually be ready for another significant relationship. And this is provided going back to our list of red flags. They say they're not ready for a relationship, they treat people as disposable, they live in victim consciousness, they're experiencing chaos in their life or their most relationship has ended and they're still in love with their partner. That's how you know they're not ready. Ask better questions right from the get go. And if you need some help with that, check out the link in the description for a discovery call with me. All right, thank you for your question, Linda, I really appreciate it, big hugs to you. Deborah writes, question, what if the red flag starts showing up after a couple of years, like always being busy, always work related? Those red flags, okay, that's a great question. So those red flags are typically because somebody is falling out of love with their partner or their partner and them have not co-created a relationship. I'll repeat that their partner and them have not co-created a relationship. This is why I invite everybody to read Gary Zukoff's book, Spiritual Partnership. Folks, if you're not learning how to co-create a relationship from the very, by the time the penis gets to go inside the vagina, that's the time to start co-creating a relationship. That means understanding the fundamentals of a relationship. And if you don't know the fundamentals, I highly recommend ordering the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. So you can learn the fundamentals, the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. Most of you are operating like this. Let's just have a good time. It's all about having a good time. You know what, let's just have a good time. And then after the good time starts to fade, you're left with a dysfunctional relationship. Folks, if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, let me put this up. Look at the top of the iceberg is chemistry, chemistry. That's attraction. Below the iceberg is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. If you're not co-creating a relationship, you are missing the most important part about being in a successful relationship. This is why you should be reading this book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngeles. Begin these things right from the very, by the time the penis gets to go inside the vagina, start co-creating a relationship. And folks, I know how much of you want to just sit back in your feminine energy and let the med claim you. Crock, oh, shit. Sitting back in your feminine energy and expecting men to lead is chaos or excuse me, it's insanity. Why? Because most men are winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it. They have no clue. Folks, you are in charge of your relationship destiny, not the guy. So start taking ownership of your life. I yell because I'm passionate. I yell because you're about to touch fire and just like a child, I'm having to wake you up. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck is Self Love? Anyway, look, there's a picture of it right there. Check out the link below to all the books I recommend. This is your wake up call, folks. Get busy living or get busy dying. Shawshank Redemption. All right, you know what? We're gonna wrap up pretty soon. So I'm gonna leave the last few minutes of this live stream. You can ask me any personal questions right now. So in the chat box, you can either purchase a Super Sticker, by the way, if I provided value, please purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat that tells me I'm providing value for you guys. You're getting something out of this. Also, if you wanna ask a personal question, put down the letters P-D, P-Q, personal question, P-Q, and then write a personal question to me. So I'm gonna save the last few minutes for anything personal you have to ask of me. By the way, if you're not familiar with my private group called Midlife Love Mastery, there's a link below there. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. And the questions you ask in the group, I shoot personalized videos just for you. So, Melanie says, got your book and liked it. Got your book and liked it. Oh, thank you, Melanie. I appreciate that. Vivian says, did you carve your pumpkin? No, I did not. I wanted to do it with somebody, but I didn't do that. Leap says, thank you so much. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Again, if you have a personal question of me. Sadie earlier said, I look like Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet. So true, funny how it seems always in time, never in line for dreams. Hey, there's Sadie. She just asked a question. All right, PQ, personal question. What would you think less of a woman who slept with you on a first date? When I think less of a woman, she slept with me on a first date. The answer is absolutely not. In fact, even to this day, one of the best relationships I ever had with a woman was when we had sex on the first date. In fact, it was a three day date. I was at her home for three days. No, I don't think less of a woman who has sex with me. I do, however, think less of a woman who leads with sexuality, who leads with what we call low hanging fruit energy. So these are the women that you see on dating profiles. They're oftentimes showing off their breasts. They're very seductive. They're showing lingerie. This to me means that they're trying to sell their body and not their heart. So I am turned off by low hanging fruit women who lead with sexuality, but I don't believe having sex on the first date often is a turn off. Now, let me tell you something. We men are territorial. So we might for a moment think, well, how many other men has she slept with on a first date? The reality is, as we get to midlife, it's a whole different ball game. And quite frankly, young people these days, they're very free in their sexuality. So I wouldn't get too hung up on that. And I can only speak from my personal experience. I would not judge a woman. However, I am not attracted to the low hanging fruit women who lead with sexuality versus leading with their intellect or their heart. So Sadie, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Scooby-dooby-doo, Jean says. And I want to thank Sherry for the super sticker. Thank you so much. Sherry also writes, personal question, what do you consider a good idea for a first date? Getting late. That's a good idea to me. I'm a guy. Folks, I'm a red-blooded guy. I'm driven by my testosterone. I'm driven by my libido. Now with that said, these days I don't lead with sex anymore. My libido has now been replaced with a lot of estrogen. So I'm now more in touch with my feelings than ever before. So to that extent, I'm not leading with sex. Now with that said, what do I think your first great date? Let me tell you a quick story. I was at a woman's workshop. This is three or four years ago. Three years ago, four years ago. And I was sitting with a group of eight women. Seven women. I was the only guy in the table. And I did an exercise with one of the women. It was some personal development exercise. And I was just hitting it off with her. I couldn't believe how our communication and our synergy was just aligned with one another. I mean, it was almost like kismet. I remember about an hour into it, I wrote on a sheet of paper, I said, I like you. You know, I didn't mean it from a romantic sense. I just liked her as a person. To me, a great first date is energetic connection, energetic connection. And yet sadly, I'm gonna tell you, most women I go out with are emotionally blocked. They're dealing with traumas. They're dealing with their issues. They have walls up, they're guarded or they're playing hard to get. And I'm here to say, I have no patience for those women who I just don't have the capacity to hold enough space for you. If you're playing hard to get, this homie don't play that. Scooby dooby doo, don't Scooby doesn't do that. Scooby don't do that. Playing hard to get, go find the other assholes out there that will temporarily chase you and then blow you off, okay? If you have walls up, unattractive to me, I show up vulnerable, authentic and transparent. I'm looking for someone who's capable of being vulnerable, authentic and transparent without compromising their sovereignty, without compromising their self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, coming back to the self-love book. So for me, great first date, energetic connection. That would be a great first date for me. Now as far as activities for a great first date, look, it could be coffee, it could be drinks, it could be dinner, it could be Disneyland for all I care. It doesn't matter where, what matters most is energetic connection for me anyway. All right, thank you for that question. Oh, and speaking of this, Jennifer says, I need, or Jennifer says, I need deep conversations. I keep meeting men who can't go deep surface questions. I do have a meme I wanna show everybody. Folks, I hate, Google this. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, alien, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that make you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know, what's up? These days, most people are saying, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? Hope you had a good day. Did you have a really good day? Wishing you a really good day. Wishing you a blessed day. Fucking the rhetoric people have. I mean, the capacity to not go beyond the surface by first stating someone's name, giving them a compliment, asking them a curious question and give some emoji, some energy if it's done through text. All right, any more questions? Leanna says, you're in a mood tonight. I'm always in a mood. Thank you so much. Jennifer says, I love that meme. Thank you. Personal question from Jen. For what reasons do you usually screen out women before going on a first date? Okay, couple of things. Turn the thing. If we're misaligned in our political point of views, that's probably something I'm gonna be cautious about. If we're misaligned in our spirituality, that's something I'm gonna be caution about. If a woman, I'm an empty nester and I'm seeking an empty nester, so I'm seeking someone who has no children or is not currently raising children. So that's most likely going to be, I don't like to say a deal breaker, but I'm just in a place now. Folks, I lost a child. I'm just right now, my heart isn't in the idea of raising someone else's children. So that's just kind of where I'm at in my life right now. What else, deal breakers? I like someone who likes to socially drink, so if they're not a drinker, that's not a deal breaker, but that's close to one. I like to do spiritual journeys using cannabis, plant-based medicine, spiritual journeys. I'd like someone who would do that as well. It's not a deal breaker, but that's a preference I have. What else? Someone who's not still just separated. I mean, these are just some of the things I look for on a dating profile, plus I have to be physically attracted to them. Look, nine out of 10, or probably 99 out of 100 people, you swipe on an app, you're not physically attracted to, they could be really great people, but that's just not what you're attracted to. And we meant, listen, I need to be able to get a hard on so I have to be attracted to someone to get the equipment up, or otherwise the equipment looks like this. So I feel like they have to be attracted as well. Doesn't look it. I'm not looking as much as I'm in love with Kate Beckinsdale. I mean, I just want someone, I'm attracted to her, she's attracted to me. So, great question, thank you so much. Other says, you're the only man I have heard. Well, thank you. Barbara says, spot on, Jonathan, thank you. Amen to deep conversations, thank you. All right, if you have a personal question. Oh, Diane says, how do you find dates? Folks, here's the bottom line. Listen, I live in a condo complex that has hundreds and hundreds of units. The perfect woman might be right at the balcony across from me and I don't know she exists, number one. Or she lives in the complex next to the one complex I have. The reality is, is roughly about 50% of all new relationships are happening with an online connection. And quite frankly, that number is gonna be 80% in the next few years. The reality is, is organic meeting is becoming increasingly hard. So, online dating happens to be the place I connect with people. Look, it's just the spoke and the wheel, but I work from home, I mean, unless a female burglar comes in and says, I wanna rob your TV and I go, wow, you're cute, you wanna go on a date? It's not like they're walk, listen, and I know all of you are like, well, Jonathan, you have all these women on YouTube. Folks, you all live around the world. I don't know who you are. If you wanna send photos and your profile to me, maybe my soulmate is out there and all you have to do is send it to me, but you gotta send your photos and I've gotta know a little bit about you and vice versa, although you get to see me physically through my video. So that's just to answer your question. That's where I meet people. Thank you so much. All right, Sherry says, Jonathan, you're amazing, Jonathan. Thank you for being so transparent, direct, so very refreshing and helpful. I need my Jonathan video fix. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right. G-Wart says, I love those plant-based goodies. Oh, wait, anyone else? Anyone into these? Caminos, these are called gummies. Oh, actually, these are a different gummies. I put it in my Camino jar. So anyway, Jennifer says, physical attraction is a definite, exactly. Me says, online dating, online meeting, bilch. Hey, if you find a better way to meet, knock yourself out. It just happens to be where most people meeting are today. All right, Alicia says, happy Friday. Teresa says, would you date long distance? So here's my feeling on long distance. I recognize it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build stage one of trust. So unless we were physically intensely attracted to each other prior to meeting, and we did a lot of vetting of each other ahead of time, and I knew that their lifestyle would eventually be able to fit into my lifestyle because I don't plan on moving, I'm not gonna invest in long distance. And sadly, here in Los Angeles, 10 miles is a long distance relationship. So, and I live in a city that there's 10 million people. So I'm hoping that she lives nearby instead of around the other end of the country. I would not dismiss it, but I'm gonna tell you some, it's gonna have to be some amazing off the charts alignment and attraction before I'd even consider it. At least that's my way I view it. All right, let's see. Question, what if the guy is too ready too fast? Some people come on strong and their motivation is driven by sex. This is why there's an old saying, men are the gas, women are the brakes. You have to decide what that means for you. I can't tell you what that means. I'm just here to say, most men that lead with sex are come on strong, take off like a rocket and then crash and burn. So that's my thoughts on that anyway. You know what folks, I think this would be a great place to wrap up. Lilian says, Ellie says, Jonathan, I think you're great. I love your honesty in your videos. They have really helped me to understand men too. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Jennifer says chasing sex. Yes, that's what happens when people go too fast. Elaine says, happy Halloween. You're a scooter do, scooter do outfit. Maybe that's what I should wear. Me says long distance, never again. G. Wortman says, find me on match in Florida. My name is Jonathan, find me in match as well, because that's where I am. All right folks, before we wrap up, if you would order a super stick or super chat, I'd love to help that Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. And we're gonna wrap up today just as a reminder, the five ways to spot guys who are not ready, the five red flags. Number one, he says he's not ready. Number two, he treats people as disposable. In other words, his actions don't match his words. Number three, he lives in victim consciousness. Number four, he's experiencing chaos in his life. And number five, he has most recent relationship just ended and he's still hung up on his acts. Those are five huge red flags to pay attention for before you invest your heart in someone who might not be ready. Folks, I wanna thank you all for the love and support on my channel. If you do agree with what I share, please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends. I would be so grateful. It's Friday night. Go out and have some fun. And I wanna wish you a super duper wonderful weekend. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic, Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye. Bye, Cece. Bye, Ether. Bye, Barbara. Bye, Kelly. Bye, Queen. Bye, Ellie. Thank you so much.