 Should Christians cut toxic people out of their life? And what are actual toxic people and what are just difficult people that we actually should love? That's what we're talking about today. This is The Daily Disciple. My name is Isaac David, and I help you follow Jesus Daily. That is my mission. That is my passion. Thank you to everyone for watching and for my partners on Patreon. It is an amazing blessing to have you guys supporting me. It means so much to me and this ministry. It is only through you that I can continue to do that. So thank you. And if you want to help support on Patreon, head on over to patreon.com slash daily underscore disciple. Now let's get in the video. So I come to you. It is 1202 1202 on a I guess Tuesday morning technically. I don't know how to qualify this. I guess this is like a it's am right now. So it's pretty late. But I wanted to come on here because like the house is quiet. As you guys know, I'm in the basement. The you know, the siblings are are usually pretty loud. But you know what? No, they're not too bad because they're all in bed. So this is the perfect time for me to talk about should you cut toxic people out of your life. And this is a thing that I've been thinking about a long time because there seems to be a big movement, right? It's like cut toxic people out of your life. You got to ex-nay them and ex-communicate anyone that does not serve you. And it's kind of like piggybacking on the self love movement, I think, you know, it's like everyone's like, watch out for you. You're the most important self care, all that. So that means take out anybody that's being toxic to you. The unfortunate thing is, is we haven't really defined what it actually means to be toxic. So there's some important work that needs to be done in terms of defining what is an actual toxic person, because that's the crux of the issue. We don't want to just be cutting anybody out of our lives. We need to cut out actual toxic people. So I'm going to get into that. But first, I want to begin with the church's response to toxicity and boundaries and all that kind of thing. Because I think in a large way, and maybe you've experienced this too, and I don't like to be the guy that like the church does is the church does that because we are the church, we are the body of Christ as believers. So when I'm talking about the church, I'm talking about all of us how we need to fix the way we've been thinking about this stuff. I think in some ways the church has demonized setting boundaries and cutting out actual toxic and sometimes abusive people in the name of love, in the name of love, because they see somebody, okay, maybe somebody's stepping over their bounds. I think of a classic example at a church, right? And it's like an old church lady and she's going to all the young women and kind of commenting on their dress. And maybe they're not dressing as modestly as she would like. And, you know, you got to really, you know, put a longer skirt on and you got to because she's got her own standards, right? And so she's like kind of enforcing a little bit of, oh, you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that. I think that's, that's not unusual, right? For people in the church to come to other people and be like, start enforcing their own kind of pharisaical standards on other people. And so that would be a good place where boundaries would come in, right? For the people that are being kind of, I would say mistreated in that way. And you can easily say, hey, look, I respect your opinion, but I'm going to set a boundary there. And I just appreciate you not, you know, treat me that way. That's an important aspect of what it means to be a healthy, relational Christian, right? Is being able to set boundaries. But I think there's a problem within Christianity because a lot of Christians have just the idea that they can walk around and just step over people's boundaries because they know better, because they, they, you know, they're more wise or they're, you know, they've been a Christian longer or whatever. But it's like, yo, that's actually not healthy to be able to meddle or get in somebody else's business. All I'm saying is that boundaries are important. And maybe that helped you in identifying, you know, maybe somebody that's doing that to you in your life. And you're like, okay, maybe I actually don't need to listen. Maybe this person isn't beneficial to my life. This is an actually toxic person. But let's talk about what makes somebody toxic, right? And I think boundaries is the crux of the issue. But let's talk about an emotionally toxic person, somebody that shames you, somebody that, you know, maybe accuses you of things falsely, somebody that, you know, really puts guilt on you that is undeserving. Maybe it's a guilt trip or whatever else, or they guilt you into maybe not responding to their texts or paying enough attention to them or fulfilling their needs. I think there's a lot of ways emotionally that people are trying to, some people try to manipulate you. That is not healthy. You are not being loving by staying in a context where someone is emotionally manipulating you by guilt tripping you or gaslighting you or, or, you know, shaming you just so then you can stay under the thumb. That's not a healthy dynamic for you or for them. A spiritually toxic person. A spiritually toxic person is someone who draws you away from God by either telling you lies about who God is or who you are. Because look, some people will come at you with their own baggage, right? People have their own baggage about God. And if somebody comes to you and is in your life and they're, they're kind of like pouring their own insecurities about God or their faith on you all the time, that becomes really draining. And I want to be careful here because what I'm going to say a little bit later is the difference between a toxic and a difficult person because we need to be loving difficult people, but actually truly toxic people are, are just not good, right? We just can't be, we can't be staying there because it's going to be detrimental to us. We can't save them and because we're going to be taking ourselves down in the midst of this. So we got to be careful. And I think the difference is, okay, maybe somebody is occasionally right has those kind of pours those insecurities on you about their faith or whatever. And it's like, it's draining to you. But then that's when you establish boundaries, same with emotional, emotional toxic, right? You need to establish boundaries. If you're sensing that something is off in this relationship, whether emotionally, spiritually, or, and then I'm going to talk about physically as well, but let's just jump in that physically too, right? You need to set clear boundaries, communicate because the fact is is that a lot of people don't know they're stepping over those boundaries. A lot of people don't know they're being toxic. And so you can give be gracious to that person by saying, Hey, this is something I've been feeling uncomfortable about our relationship or friendship here. I need, I need you to do this for me. This is my boundary here. And I don't, I don't do this to, to shame you or make you uncomfortable, but I'm just letting you know out of love for you because I don't want you to accidentally feel, make me feel uncomfortable and you're not knowing. So I'm going to spell it out for you here. An emotionally, physically, spiritually toxic person continues to step over those boundaries consistently. And you'll be able to identify when it happens, right? And that's going to be communicating maybe once, twice, three times say, please don't step over these boundaries. And I'm going to say this in physical, in physical, in terms of physical boundaries, I would not give them three shots at that. Like, I'm sorry, like if you dedicate, if you say this is my boundaries, I'm not even talking in, in a, in a, like a relationship or romantic relationship. I'm talking about any context. If you have established a physical boundary and that person crosses that boundary, man, I don't think I'd get that person a second chance at that. I like, it doesn't mean that you hate them. It doesn't mean that you don't forgive them. But forgiveness doesn't mean trusting somebody again. This is a big thing about the problem within the church. And it's so sad to see, and we're going to talk a little bit about physical abuse and emotional manipulation too, within the church, because this is the thing, people that can, that do this stuff that are emotionally manipulative, physically abusive, all that within the church. And they are said, Oh, you know, they're kind of like confronted, but then they're all change, right? All change. And then everyone is like, well, we forgive them, therefore we have to trust them again. No, no, that's not how it works. In the church context, in your personal life context, if, if somebody has done something wrong to you, or crossed a boundary that was explicit, or not even explicit, but just like the norm, you don't have to trust that person again. You don't, you don't owe that person your, your trust, because actually that trust is, is can be used against you in that context. You can forgive the person. I like, we're supposed to forgive people, but that's not the same as just letting all your walls down or putting down the boundaries that are rightfully there established. And so that's something I want to just say to you, if you're in a situation, Hey, don't forgiving doesn't mean trusting again. That takes time. So there's a difference between loving somebody that is difficult and loving somebody that is toxic, because somebody that is actually toxic to love them means to create distance from them. That's what it means. Like I'm sick and tired of people just being hurt and taking advantage of in horrible ways because they think that loving somebody means keeping them close. Somebody that is truly toxic needs to, you need to create distance with them. And obviously that's a discerning process and determining, okay, this person actually talks it, but when you've determined that create distance, because that's going to be not only a wake-up call, but it's going to be more healthy for you and your spiritual growth as well. But somebody that's just difficult to love. Look, there are plenty of people that, that I wouldn't classify as toxic, but they're just challenging to love, right? Maybe you have somebody in your life right there. They have a, they're well-meaning. They cross the boundaries sometimes, but they're not totally aware of it. When you correct them, they're like, Oh, I'm sorry. They apologize, you know, and they kind of correct themselves. But there's some issues there. Those are the people that we are called to have patient love with. We are called to be gracious with. Those are, that's some of the most intense spiritual growth that you will ever experience is loving those people. I think the misconception is that we think, or some of us think, that we were, when we came to Christ, we were guaranteed comfortable lives that we could be in a church scenario that would be perfectly comfortable. And that would be, you know, everybody would be spiritual, mature, and it would just be fantastic. And we just enjoy ourselves. We are all on different levels of spiritual maturity, which means some people are going to be more challenging to love than others. But God designed it this way so that we, or wherever you're at, right? You can grow by interacting with those people. You are all growing. Let's talk about how we can become the person that people want to connect with and that can connect deeply with, because ultimately we don't want to be a toxic person. We want to be the opposite. We want to be a safe, loving person that people can come to that we can form deep relationships with. And what I found in my short life, and I still have a lot to learn on this, honestly, the key to connection is curiosity and compassion, curiosity and compassion. So people that are curious, but lack compassion, those tend to be judgmental people, right? And so if you're curious, if you ask lots of questions, right? You're like, Hey, how's it going? What's your life like? What do you do? That kind of thing. But if that person lacks compassion, those are the kind of people that you end up talking to at a party that asks lots and lots of questions. But you always get that weird vibe from like they're like they're judging you all the time, like what's going on here? And they're asking really like kind of intrusive questions sometimes or accusatory questions or looking down on you for maybe what you do for a living or maybe your past or even just opening up. So they're really good at being inquisitive and curious, but then the compassion aspect isn't there. So you're just kind of turned off and you're like, well, I don't want to talk to that person again. And I probably shared too much with that person because, you know, they did not respond in a healthy, helpful, or encouraging way at all. And so another kind of person is a compassionate person, but they're not curious. So these kinds of people are nice, right? And if you might have a light conversation with them, and they're pretty, you know, they're pretty nice and compassionate, right? But they don't ever get deep enough into your life or asking enough questions to really know you. And those kind of people like develop a lot of surface level relationships, a lot of surface level connections. So we want to be the kind of people that is curious. That means asking questions, probing questions, questions that kind of bring insight and introspection going beyond and below the surface. And then the key is here is that what changes that from being a judgmental to a kind of a person that breeds connection is that when we ask those questions, that we receive those answers with love, verbal acceptance, say, okay, yeah, okay, I see what you're, what you're going there. Okay, that seems challenging. That must have been hard. Or, you know, you know, sounds like God was really working on you through that, like words of encouragement, affirmation, acceptance, those kind of things, because then that's prompting them to, to be become safe and vulnerable, right? In that environment that you know, those people that you share with them, and they're curious, and they're compassionate, you could talk to those people all day long. That's amazing. But then you start talking to somebody that's, you know, curious, but not compassionate. And you just feel this terrible feeling. Or you talk to somebody that's compassionate, but not curious about you. And you're like, well, they probably have other friends, they're just not interested in who I am. But it's those people, man, that, that, that, that foster connection or those compassionate, curious kind of people. And it's amazing. So to cap this video off, I would say, try to become that curious, compassionate person. We're all going to make mistakes. We're all going to struggle, especially when trying to love difficult people, man, it is challenging. And so I would just remember where your base is where your foundation is, you're going to need a lot of strength and energy in order to love somebody that's challenging and difficult. And you're going to need a lot of strength and courage to remove and distance yourself from people that are truly toxic. So I want to encourage you to get into your relationship with God. And so don't try to do this on your own. God has empowered you with his power and his presence in your life for a reason, because you're going to need it because this life is challenging because this life is hard. But you know, if I can say anything to you in this basement at whatever it is 1220 at night, just that God is with you, and that you're going to make it through no matter what man challenging relationship dynamics are coming up. Just know that God is with you through all of it. I hope you guys enjoyed this video. I know we've been doing more of like a podcast format. I feel like maybe I'm a little less uppity. But honestly, I enjoy this. I'm enjoying this, you know, like the other videos are another kind of thing. But I'm having a lot of fun just sitting down here chatting with you guys for an extended period of time about a topic. Let me know in the comments if you're enjoying this and what topic or subject you think I should talk about next. You can follow me on Instagram at it's Isaac David on tic-tac, tic-tac, you can go on tic-tac, you know it's late, tic-tac at it's Isaac David as well. And thank you again to all my patrons on Patreon. I literally just saw somebody supported the top amount, which is amazing. I literally like I'm like blown away every time that happens. So thank you so much. It means so much to me and the ministry. So yeah, anyway, I'll stop rambling. Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time. God bless, guys.