 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Feeling low. Feeling tense. For level best, smoke a Lucky because Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. That's what fine tobacco can do for you. And remember, LS-MFT, LS-MFT, Lucky Strike. LS-MFT, LS-MFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So the next time you buy cigarettes, ask for the cigarette of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. For remember, Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. Yes, smoke a Lucky to feel your level best. This Rochester Dennis Daniel is truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, television is not only here, it's here to stay. And like other stars and radio, Jack Benny is preparing for the future. So now we take you out to Beverly Hills. At the moment, Jack is sleeping while Rochester is going about his morning chores. Well, first I better clean up the living room. What a mess. Television sure has Mr. Benny worried. Every night he rehearses a different act. But he's certainly serious about it. Last night he even had a dancing teacher here. Imagine him trying to do that kind of a dance. Oh, well, I might as well pick up his clothes and let the air out of the balloons. Isn't that cute? He even put an ironing board up on two chairs and used it for a runway. Let's see, where'll I put these balloons? Some breakfast as soon as I straighten up these. Chester, there was too much mail to put in the box, so I thought I'd bring it in. Here are the letters. Thank you. And here are Mr. Benny's magazines. Body Beautiful. Uh. Women's Home Companion. Uh. True Story. Uh. Lonely Hearts. Uh. And this book, The Manly Art of Self-Defense. Say, I didn't know... Oh, pardon me, that goes to Mike Romanoff. Oh, I'm still carrying that letter with postage due on it, but I guess there's no use going through that again. No, I guess not. How long ago was that letter mailed? I don't know. It was handed down to me by my father. Oh, good morning, Rochester. Uh, what time is it? It's eleven o'clock. Oh, yes. Give it to me. Aren't you going to put your glasses on? I can't. I broke them last night when I fell off the runway. I mean the ironing board. I mean... It's all right, boss. I know. Well, Rochester, take the ironing board down and hide the balloons. I don't want anyone to know about my dancing. Now, let's see the mail. What's this one? Oh, it's from my violin teacher, Professor LeBlanc. Monsieur Benny, as you know, tomorrow I must give you a violin lesson. I will be there unless I catch pneumonia. Please excuse the writing as it is dark here in the deep freeze. Open the next envelope, Rochester. Yes, sir. Oh, here's a letter from Max Factor. Max Factor? What does he say? Mr. Benny, this is the third letter we have sent you reminding you of your March claim of this past due. Either pay it immediately or we'll snatch it off your head. Let him snatch it. It's got moth holes all over it. Let's see. What's this? It's from the California Bank. It's another letter about that loan. What are you going to do, boss? I'm going to turn them down. That's funny. Here's one from the barber shop on the corner. Dear Mr. Benny, we are writing to all of our customers who got shaved here last Saturday. Are you missing a near? P.S., if not called for in 30 days, we will add it to our collection. Is there anything else, Rochester? Just a circular. You won't be interested in it. What is it? Yeah. Hmm. Automobile prices reduced. Buy a new car now and save money. Liberal allowances on trade-ins. You know, Rochester, maybe I ought to try and... I'll get it. Oh, say Rochester, no matter who it is, don't mention anything about the new dance I've been working on. I won't. Remember. Coming! Hello, Rochester. Hello, Miss Livingston. Come on in. Mr. Benny home? Yeah, he's getting dressed. He'll be down in a minute. Well, then I'll wait. And don't let me interrupt you, Rochester. Go ahead and finish your ironing. Ironing? Yes, you've got the ironing board up, haven't you? I wasn't using that. You see, Mr. Benny was... Uh-oh. Mr. Benny was what? Well, he was... He was getting ready to wallpaper the living room. Well, back home I used to help my mother paper our house, and Mr. Benny is going out the wrong way. It seems to me that... Well, well, good morning, Mary. Well, good morning, Jack. Rochester told me what you were doing with the ironing board. Oh, he did, eh? Rochester, I told you not to say anything about what... But Jack, you should be glad he told me I can show you a few tricks. What do you know about her? I used to do it with my mother. Mama was wonderful. She used to work with a brush in each hand. In each hand? Well, didn't your father object? No, if she didn't do it, he'd have to. Doll face, what are you talking about? Wallpapering the house. Oh, oh, wallpapering. Oh, oh, of course. Good boy, Rochester. I'm going to do that later, Mary, but right now I'm trying to make a big decision. What big decision? Well, I just received this circular from an automobile company, and I've been thinking maybe I ought to trade in my car and buy a new one. Well, it's about time. What are you going to get, a chandler or an Essex? Oh, don't be funny. I'm going to get a real... I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Jackson, I'm called from the country club. I thought maybe you'd come out and play some golf. Well, I can't today. I'm going out and buy a new car. Operator, operator, you gave me the wrong number. She did not. What kind of a car are you going to get, Jackson? Well, I don't know. I was thinking of getting a Cadillac. Operator, operator, why can't I get the right number? I told you it's me. Oh, he asked me if I wanted to play golf, and I told you I couldn't. Well, look, Jackson, I'm running the picture at my house tonight. Would you like to come over and see it? Gee, I'd love to, but I can't. You see, last night I broke my glasses. Oh, how'd you break them? I fell off the runway. Operator, operator, I wish you'd give me a ride. It's me, Gypsy. I mean, Jack. I can't play golf with you. Why don't you call Remly? I call Remly. He's right here now. Oh, Frankie's with you, eh? Yeah, he's sitting over there at the table drinking a glass of milk. Operator, operator. What's this about Frankie drinking milk? Doctor's orders. Drinking too much bourbon. That caused a shortage of calcium in his system. Uh-huh. So the doctor made him drink milk. So Frankie could get more calcium? Yeah, that'll make his teeth stronger. Why does he want to strengthen his teeth? So he can pull the corks out of the bourbon box. You can't gum them things, you know. Well, Frankie drinking milk. Let me talk to him, will you, Phil? Okay. Hey, Frankie. Frankie. Frankie. He can't hear a thing since he got a shave last Saturday. Phil, do you mean that... How long, Gypsy? We got eight holes to play. All right, goodbye, Phil. Play 18 holes, but I guess Phil isn't as strong as I am. Mary, Phil wanted me to play golf with him, but I'm going out and look at some of those new cars. You want to go with me? Sure, Jack, but while you were on the phone, Don Wilson and the sportsman came in. They're waiting for you in the library. Oh. Hello, Don. Hello, Jack. Hi, fellas. Don, I know what you're here for, but make it quick, will you? Mary and I have to leave in a few minutes. Okay. Now, Jack, we've got a wonderful arrangement of Mendelssohn's spring song. And as a surprise, we put in a special violin part for you. Oh, Don, really? You shouldn't have done that. Well, we can take it out. Oh, no, no. I've got the violin right here under my chin. I'm going to... Just give me the music. Here you are. Okay. Now, all right. Now, just a second while I tune up here. It's one second. Mendelssohn's spring song. Oh, yes. I started, don't I? Yeah, yeah, Jack. All right. Here we go, fellas. Mendelssohn's spring song. Those look so nice, and they have so many novel features. Like the Nash... You know, maybe that's what I'll get. Ha-ha. It makes them boarders. Exactly 14 minutes. You better start looking for a service station. Yeah, look. Well, you see, Mary, every time the car dries for 15 minutes, the water and the radiator boils over, and then it takes... to sit here for a few minutes until it cools off. That's about all. Hey, Emily. Emily, isn't that Jack Benny over there? Where? Over there in that Stanley steamer. Ex-well, the bluest is my dream man. Steady girl. Steady. Crush on him, haven't you? Yes, and you know, Emily, I've got a confession to make. Last February, I sent Mr. Benny a Valentine card. Did he get it? He must have. I put it in my laundry bundle. Think of him ironing my petty coats with his own little head. Break out in goose pimples. What did you say on your Valentine card? It was a beautiful poem. I wrote it myself. It went, Dear Jack, when I think of you this Valentine's day, I can throw my vitamin pills away. But you didn't answer it. Your lovely poem made me shake and shiver. And starting May 1st, we pick up and deliver. Your eyes, I think they're going to drive off. Rochester, the car should be cool enough now. Let's go. Turn right here, Rochester. Yes. Look at all the automobile dealers on this street. Honest John, smiling Irishman, madman Muntz, psychiatric Sam, wild man Prichard. Ah, here's the place we want. Just plain bill. Stop in front of this place, Rochester. You can park down the street a little ways and wait for us. Come on, Mary. Okay. Certainly he has some beautiful cars on display here. Yes, I hope this doesn't take too long. I wouldn't want Rochester to get a ticket. He can't afford it. Besides, I have to... Oh, here comes his... Oh, mister. How do you do? How do you do? I'm thinking of buying a new car. Oh, good, good. Were you thinking of any particular type? Well, would you like a hydromatic? A hydromatic? Yes, that car comes without a clutch. Look, brother, when I pay for a new car, I want a clutch and everything. Forty-looking number. Uh, get inside and see how roomy it is. Okay. Yeah, sure as comfortable. Say, what are these buttons? Oh, yes, those are for the windows. I'll show you how they work. Gee. Well, didn't you know the new cars had automatic window lifts? He didn't even know they had windows. Mary, please. What other new features do they have? Well, I'm glad you asked that. This is the only car in the market that comes equipped with a Dynaflex Super Flowing Uniget Turbo Vascular, which is synchromeshed with a multi-coil hydrotension duo vacuum dynamometer. Gosh. What does that do for the car? It empties the ashtray. I don't think I ought to get this car. Well, certainly. I wouldn't think of having a car that's not equipped with a Dynaflex Super Flowing Uniget Turbo Vascular, which is synchromeshed with a multi-coil hydrotension duo vacuum. Hydrotension duo vacuum diamond mama meter. Now it's the word with the more I like it. But tell me, Mr... Mr. Call Me Plain Bill. Well, look, a plain bill. What are all these other buttons for? Well, there for the heater, the radio, the lights, and the top. Uh-huh. But what's this red button for? Oh, that red button is for emergencies. Emergency? Yes, like if you stall the car on the railroad tracks and the train is coming at 100 miles an hour, you press the red button. And that gets the car off the tracks? No, it makes a reservation for you at Forest Lawn. What's the price of this car? Uh, four... Wipers on this car squirt water when you press the button? Yes. Well, squirt some on him, he fainted. $4,200 is a lot of money. But don't forget, we do make liberal allowances on trade-ins. Well, my car's right outside. Suppose you come along with us and appraise it. Yes, well, I'd be very glad to. Right this way. Which one of these cars is yours? Oh, it's parked down the street a little ways. There it is right there. You mean that blue Kaiser? No, no, it's behind the Kaiser. Oh, the gray DeSoto? No, no, my car's between the Kaiser and the DeSoto. Here it is. Polish, and she'll be as good as new. What did you get, boys, a convertible or a sedan? Nothing yet. This gentleman is going to appraise ours. Uh, tell me, has this car been in an accident? No. Well, then how come it bulges so much in the rear? Middle-aged spread. That's the way this car was built. And it has a lot of advantages that the new cars haven't got. Yeah, if you like tea, it boils water. That is a good judge of cars. Now, plain bill. Get in, and I'll, um... I'll show you how it runs. Come on, Mary. Your ride's very smoothly, doesn't it? Not of a trade-in. Do you think you can give me on it? Well, now let me see. There's a little rubber on the tires. The body needs a paint job. The upholstery isn't too bad. The motor runs. Look, would the deal include the car's radio? Yes, yes. Now, how much will you allow me on the car, including the radio? $3. I wouldn't think of trading in this car for $3. It's perfect mechanically. They don't make cars like this today. Everything built to last for years and gives you excellent service and all the way on my car. Independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, might strike regularly that the next two leading brands combine. So when you choose your cigarettes, remember, lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level, the lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. Yes, the next time you buy cigarettes, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. It'll be a broadcasting system.