 This is this is a very difficult interview. You said it was going to be easy. You lied So you guys are from New York Brooklyn, okay, so talk about how that has shaped you guys's worldview and Also, you guys relationship as well growing up in Brooklyn like kind of like what he said like You got to be a certain way to survive and You can't Be not even can't be gullible. You get taken advantage of things like that So that does translate into your relationship as well. And that can cause problems I'm gonna say this I Lived in New York for a little bit New York women Brooklyn women, maybe Harlem the Bronx Have a very bad reputation for being super masculine What is your experience with that and how would you Let's say you're explaining it for to a dude from the south who's thinking about I might try to go New York Find my queen to be like, how would you explain how he needs to navigate? Brooklyn women or New York women? It's a good question I think that a lot of it is Sensationalized like a lot do because it's fun. It's popular and That's what you see just like the people think you go to Brooklyn. You're gonna get robbed. You're gonna get I never got robbed. So It's always the more Traumatic things that get shown and it's promoted but not everybody's like bit really everybody's like that There's a lot of nice females in Brooklyn or whatever that is not loud and Masculine or whatever but there else on that. Yeah, we hear about it That's not it. That's not the majority at all Um But yeah There are some that are like that and they it's kind of like they have to be like that because Who else are gonna be like that for them? Who else are gonna protect them a lot of them don't have their dads or whatever Or if they do He you know When I'm putting these videos together I'm not necessarily thinking about the person in the chair as much as I am the people who Identify with the person in the chair. So for other people who identify with you They have a similar personality. They have a similar background, whatever the case may be Why is a Convo a good match for you Okay, so here's my strength I'm very shy and Sometimes I don't speak up through myself room and but he'll do it for me or I'm more Boring. He's the adventurous one. He kind of pulls me out of my shell and We have fun together like like I would be apprehensive, but Like come on, let's just do it. Let's just try it and now I end up having fun like, okay, that was fun I promise you gonna see it and be like that's me. Oh, I'm not gonna look at this Well, he's gonna see to be like that's you he's gonna see it and he'll tell me about it See like that. Like I don't watch our shows. Really He watches them and he'll say, you know You did good and if something he won't like I need you to speak up or whatever then I'll do it Or even so with the children I Do sometimes need him to be that backbone like, you know so I You know how they say opposites attract. We are opposite, but where he Where I like he picks up for me And where he likes I pick up for him So something we got girls sometimes you need to be a little softer So I'm not softness and It's just he's just such a he'll he'll do whatever he got to do for me and He builds me up and makes me feel comfortable Doing things that I probably never would have done on my own He opened my world up to a lot of different things He makes me laugh all the time Even if it's the corniest thing and like you so lame Just being so lame will make me laugh because he's trying Yeah, things like that if I'm working and He's home he'll Like do the laundry or washing dishes or cook things like that and I'll do the same for him when he's at work, and I'm home So that works together like we kind of like balance each other out That's what makes Since we got connected, you know me and him have had some conversations and things like that he is definitely a very alpha personality type and What's interesting about that is These days that personality type in black men isn't necessarily celebrated your chauvinistic your you know I'm saying compensated whatever the case may be What do you think? We're missing as far as women who have so much to say about men who like to take charge Men who like to be you know, I'm saying in in in control. What do you think is Missing in their understanding or their appreciation of men like that I do say things to him and I Yeah, he likes to be the alpha male and I May be quiet in person and everything but when I have something to say I'll say to him And I try to just use with logic like sometimes what you're saying That's not what it is But he makes good points and sometimes I gotta step back and like you're right Because it's You are a person I Think people need to look at each other as people not your man your female people like be kind I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings and Make you sad and if this is doing that then What kind of person am I to be hurting another person purpose thing? I Think you just got to break all of those Like preconceived notions misconceptions not even that just that I'm gonna say stereotype. It's nice, but Assumptions He'll back the layers like okay labels labels Don't look at the label. Oh, he's a black male. He's this she's that Look at people as people not Their color there what they're doing their Job all of that Look at them as actual people and Would you want to be treated a certain or your child to be treated a certain way and a lot of girls now I'm scared for my son from what I hear, but then Sometimes some things gives me hope like This is just social media and they're gonna put out the worst because that's what brings the views I'm hoping people aren't the majority of people aren't like that I'm not sure but from what I see I'm scared because These girls are out here Like he would say They're hungry. That's why they need to date and that makes me so like real. That's real. Yeah That's so sad That like things like that is kind of like wow I get taken aback by that That whole alpha male thing me being Them being in control women being more masculine That's the that story is never gonna go away It's so much to it that Nobody's ever going to win the argument because you can argue on both sides And not come to agreement or you agree to disagree I let him lead on Certain things until after like wait no, I Don't think that's cool, and I'll talk to him about it and Whether he agrees with me Then we'll go forward if he doesn't then let me ultimately Most of time he does Not agree with me, but he'll just Okay, let me ask you this What do you think like when we're talking about Whether when y'all are talking about it or the internet or other people barbershops beauty shops What do you think is at the core of this black gender war? What do you think men are missing women are missing? We are missing as black people like How do we How do the single people watching this? Maybe achieve what you guys have That's a hard question It's hard even for like people that Have been single as an adult it's even harder for me, so I've never been single as an adult I can't relate to them in that way So From what I see I would I would say listen to each other because And when the guys say that all females are spoiled and things like that I can see that I can definitely see that But then I could also see Women were silenced for most of humanity. Oh, yeah, okay So Now they want to talk They have points to just The list But then then a lot of these females now Are not seeing Create things. I Don't know what happened with that. I don't know Mmm-hmm to use somebody to use people for their assets Just that like you don't even want to Get to know them like them or anything you just want to use their money as well And I felt I think a lot of females are doing that now. I don't know if It's their age Like younger females because they see social media I Think that plays a big role in this whole gender war thing Because they're seeing all oh she has this she has that I want that too How what do I got to do to get that really she could have just borrowed that and returned it You don't but you don't know image Yeah, it's sad and then Guys all they see is oh, she looks like this. She looks like I want that but then Can't handle that because that's a lot of attention facts. It's expensive. Yeah, I Think social media really really really hurt relationships and Black people we historically Always want to jump on someone else's bandwagon and not stay on ours. I don't so We do need to come together as a people and sometimes I don't understand guy when they they like Sometimes I feel like they're not on black women's side and it's weird because Yeah, you are a man But you're a black man So you should understand what it is to be discriminated against and you should be able to somehow Understand a little bit of what women might be going through being discriminated against just because they're a female They don't they don't simple that From what I see on social media again Which may not be true for the majority Um That's not being around. I think that also Took a lot from the black relationship the black families and the moms Some of them aren't good moms All right, all right and Yeah it's and then you bring that trauma and To your kids and then they grow up and bring that into their relationships That's a big reason why There's this this Distance and disconnect between women and men Absolutely Yeah, absolutely I will The only thing I'll say and I think Convo was going to say so I'm similar Black women have always had a voice I'm Nigerian And in our culture, um, well, I'm more specifically Igbo and in our culture On the surface it looks like The men are just a whole bunch of convos, right? They're a whole bunch of alpha males um But then there is a female delegation called the umada They're the first mothers of the community or the first daughters. That's how it translates And what's interesting is people might assume that If you want to get something done you you got to go to the chiefs Right, but really one of the first places you have to go is to the women Because not only do the women control the chiefs the women also control their sons who are the warriors so In african society women have always had a voice When we came over here as enslaved africans It was also put Like the structure was created where it was a matriarchy the woman was in charge in an attempt to emasculate the man Now when feminism came around That's when white women convinced all women you haven't had a voice then they started pushing out movies like color purple They started pushing out narratives of bees patriarchal domineering black men who were abusive when really it was their husbands It was the white women's husbands that they had an issue with But a lot of our women drank that kool aid and then we get to today Where a lot of women see a point they not even try to listen And it's the first time where you have a kevin samuels where you have the Guys with podcasts who are actually saying what men actually think And a lot of our women a lot of our sisters don't know how to deal with that You know because they've never had to listen to men They didn't have to listen to you on a plantation because you weren't in charge They didn't have to listen to you know what i'm saying in the in the 80s because you were in prison for crack And i was more educated than you Because i went to college Right, so i think a lot of a lot of times a lot of our our history gets kind of mixed up with white women's Yeah situation and then we're like but you did then i'm like i ain't do none of that. That's jerry But i'm getting blamed for it To some extent i guess i mean I never I grew up in a mom and dad household. They were together. They're still together now and My mom yeah, she talks a lot And my dad he doesn't really talk that much but At the end of the day it's Kind of what he would say But it would come through my mom And you did like if You're not there I don't have anybody to listen to And then you come in and you're telling me what to do, but i've been living With all my you know, i'm not saying for me, but The black one yeah, i've been doing this on my own and i've been surviving on my own All this time when you weren't there Now you come in and you want to kind of like Tell me what to do What make The disconnect yeah What what is your Philosophy let's say you were What's that song if i rule the world if you were president for a day if you were president of black women or you're president of the Black delegation and you were like, okay, my first order of business is to solve this gender war What do you think or how do you think we should approach it? What should happen first what should happen second? What do men need to do with what they need to do? It's difficult it's not an easy answer a question. No, it's not especially if you not But anything i just want organic whatever's on your mind. Um take your time no rush men are competitive inherently like you know and they are selfish and And i say this only because when The world wasn't civilized like how it is now you had to be But i think that they still carry on that you don't have to be A lot of wars and stuff is because of Men's greed And they want to be The top and the best in the When why can't you just settle for what you got? Why do you have to go after someone else's? I don't understand like with the white people Coming into Africa to take people why? And i feel like all men do that and it's you don't have to this this world is huge We have enough for everybody women What's wrong with women? We don't need to listen to How they feel because they do have feelings They do that's the other like in society It's like you're supposed to be a man and not have feelings and not so And that's how you guys made it you guys made it to be this is the A way a man is supposed to be you're not supposed to show feelings. You're not supposed to do this You're not supposed to do that and we Follow that rule Because that's how y'all put it we didn't set that rule up for you guys y'all did And we're gonna follow whatever y'all say because y'all are the leaders of the world So we They do have feelings and We should listen to them and care about their feelings And get that whole macho man. Oh, they don't care. They don't they're not they're not supposed to care. They do We're human all humans have emotions and feelings And it's just that that We don't care we need to get that whole Um box of what a man should be Out I think that and what a woman should be I think all of those boxes need to go away Because it's not it doesn't apply for everyone if you want to be that way fine But don't down someone else for wanting to be another way that makes them feel good and comfortable A lot of the gender roles I would get rid of that No such thing as gender roles. I think that would be the first that Second step Um Educate everybody everybody because a lot of things A lot of reasons people get into um Arguments and debates and is because they don't know enough about that other person or that other culture or that other And when you get educated you can kind of like oh Well, they do this because you know That's how they do things. It's not wrong that they do it that way That's just how they do it. Okay. Unless it's like inherently wrong like you're killing people, of course That's just wrong. There are some basic just no-nos Um What else what I do to get over gender wars, um, I think money plays a big issue in that as well Um because a lot of women are Going to school and getting the higher paying jobs and that kind of I guess make men feel not needed Because they can take care of themselves now um What you would do with that everybody Encour I don't know There's a lot of things you can unpack with that like Why aren't if you see Women going out and getting it. Why aren't you? What is holding you back from doing that So I get those things that are holding them back. I guess I would get rid of that because a lot of people would say racism I'm not like Money they can't afford it. They have to take care of Their family so they can't afford to go to school or whatever to get those higher earning jobs or I don't know whatever other Um obstacles are in their way