 All right, so welcome to another video. Oh, I look at your screen. You look what? I look at your screen by accident. That's why. When I'm cutting, I will know how to work it out. Yeah, as you can see from the title of this particular podcast, this is something that we wish we had done, although I would say that we did talk extensively and asked a lot of questions extensively before we had the chance. We did. We will answer this particular topic or questions and we're going to leave the link to the 14-28 questions in the description box. But for us, we're going to answer, we just picked that random, some of them we want to answer and talk about. So if you've already had a child and you wish you had answered or asked some of these questions, so... I do wonder though if you can ever really be ready, even if you have all the talks in the world, the reality of things is very different, right? Yeah. In my opinion, when you talk about having a child, it's more about the concept of when... But when the baby is here, it's like you are literally torpedoes into the reality of it. What you have to do. Yeah. It's a lot of... No matter how you talk, the reality is always different. Yes. But I think it's also good. That you talk. That you talk before, yes, for sure. No. But you just... I think it's getting to a feeling of we can do this together or we cannot do it together and then find another way. But I think the feeling is more important than... It's a logical thing, like, oh, now we are ready. I don't think it's possible. To be now you already know. I don't think so too. So today we're going to ask these questions and... Who are you? My name is Kwame. I'm Elaine. I don't know why she does that. And our channel is Me Plus You Is Us. I don't know why she does that. Because we didn't introduce ourselves yet. So we talk about everything about our life in Ghana. As an interracial couple, we just became parents or seven months ago. But it feels like yesterday. No, it's not just, man. This isn't a while. Yeah. No, it feels short and long at the same time. Anyway, let's go to the questions. Okay. Bring them on, bring them on, bring them on. So the first question is how will we ensure we both have the personal time we need to recharge? Diving straight into boom. Into the messiness. Is it messy? It's not messy. I feel in the beginning, in the beginning, it was really difficult to find the time. Yeah. And I think for me it was even more difficult than for you. To recharge. No, for you, I feel because you have such a strong sense of acts of service, you just go, go, go. Like you just put your mind to end this. What I have to do and I have to do it. I don't even think about it. Yeah. For me, my head gets really full. And then I start going around in circles. And that's difficult for me. But I also like that with the two of us, you bring the structure a bit. Because I just take care of you and I don't care. Yeah, but yeah. Right? But then for example, when we started, we were both waking up every time to take care of Eli. Because we both wanted to be sure that we're helping the other person. Yeah. And also because she had a caesarean session like she was not the strongest at the time. And I had done the diaper change and milk giving at the hospital. So I was doing more of that. And we thought that in the days coming, it would be easier for you to also pick up slowly. But then when you did pick up, you came up with the idea that we should have schedules. Yeah. The night schedule thing was your idea that, okay, one person wakes up and does everything, feed, change, put them back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we have three hours to rest and then the next person continues. Yeah. So I really liked that. We were able to immediately quickly think, I mean, you were able to bring that for us to think. Yeah. So at least one person would have four hours of sleep instead of everybody waking up. And then going back uninterrupted sleep, you know. But I also mean a bit later. Like for me, especially, hmm, I feel like doing, I'm not, I'm still not sure maybe people are going to bash me in the comments, but I don't know how else to say it. Like for me, I mean, I'm happy I got maternity leave. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. But for me, it was such a weird time because I feel like the world got really small, especially so we, we, I gave birth or we gave birth in Netherlands and then we moved after six weeks to Ghana. Yeah. That transition was rough. I don't know why. I think for me, it was really rough to get used to here. And, you know, Netherlands, you can just go for a walk around the block or it just felt more free. And then I was like focusing on really small things in the house and really get worked up about them. I think at that time, maybe I should have said, like I need an hour a day for myself to write things down. And because honestly, until now I haven't really written down how the whole birth went and everything. So it's also like if I would go back, I would maybe take up a bit more space because for you to take care of the baby for an hour, would it be a big deal? But in my head, it felt like a big deal. Yeah. At the time. And now I think we're getting a bit back into the groove. So we try to see, like, oh, what do you want to do today? And often you would ask, can you do 30 minutes with him so I can go do my yoga or just shut eye for a little bit? Yeah. So we're trying. I don't think the next question, the next question is kind of tied to this one because how we make time for our relationship. Yes, it's funny. A friend asked that the other day, like how do you guys still have quality time? And then I was actually, I could say yes, because what we do is we really like to watch TV together, like good series. We like to have discussions about them. Yeah. So it's not like we're watching and not like connecting. We're talking about the film or the series. And for me, that really feels like quality time or that we're both like, oh, are we going to watch tonight? Are we going to watch tonight? And also, depending on the series we're watching, if it's suspense four and we're going to decode, we all have our theories about it. And then when we are done, we then go into the actual themes that we discover and we're like, oh, this is what it meant. Yeah. And we discuss the actual theme that, OK, so what about this? What does this mean? Yeah. And, you know, oh, I like that they actually thought of this so intensely or like deliberately. Yeah. And it's a good thing that we both have a likeness or we enjoy film. Yeah. And it's easy because you don't have to leave the house for it. Yeah. I think it's nice. And we would think of what we want to eat. Either we're going to cook it or we go and grab drinks and then we're like, OK, we feel like getting a drink and maybe we get this food. Yeah. And then we eat today and then we just chill and... Yeah. It's nice. So we do our quality time. But I did like it when you... So I finished a big proposal at work, finally. And then Kwame took me out for lunch, which was really nice. Yeah. I really enjoyed that too. Celebrate the day. Because evenings are a bit more tricky. I feel with the baby. At least Eli gets a bit like, meh, meh, meh. Yeah. And I think lunch is perfect. Yeah. I think it's fine. Yeah. Lunch dates. Yeah. Lunch dates. Yeah. Question number three, how well do we handle stress and conflict resolution as a couple? So we are doing the pre... Well, I think... Or things we wish we had asked. Yeah. I think we handle it well, but I do have to say that taking care of another human being is a whole other thing. It's completely different. You cannot prepare by talking. It's completely different. Because for me, especially in the beginning, the hormones, if the baby would cry, the hormones would literally flush over me. And I would get this nature calling like, I have to save my baby. Well, there was nothing wrong. Yeah. It was super intense. It would be crazy. Not crazy. People call women crazy all the time. I mean, just how physically I would react to the baby. Intense, yeah. That was such another worldly thing. And yeah, you get worked up. And I think we learned to quickly say like, can you take over? Can you am I at the end of my robe? Or if you would see like, hey, are you okay? Should I take over? I think we tried to do that. Yeah. There's nothing else you can do. Not really. You will get conflict and you will be tired. And you will snap. You sleep deprived and yeah, it's normal. Yeah. So I think it's something that you should already be building before you get pregnant. Not to be asking when the time is getting closer. If your comfort resolution while you're together alone is not strong enough. There's no foundation to build on the things that are unexpected when the baby is not here because when the baby is not here, you are both thrown into this array. And it's just like, yo. But I do feel as I mean, me who have carried the baby that the pregnancy is really good exercise for a lot of things like you're practicing. So for me asking how for me, um, because sometimes you cannot see how I feel that day. So I have to voice it out like, whoa, like I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. Like you have to communicate that already. I think that is good practice. So really see the pregnancy as like a foundation to build like how you say best practices on how to check in and voice out what you need. And yeah, you also have conflict. Then you can be hormonal and angry and tired. And then, yeah, it's normal. Yeah. The next question is how will we approach discipline? And this is how to raise a child, how to discipline the child. Oh, like if you're going to beat a child, is that the question? Wow. No, that's a bit extreme. But discipline as in what do they mean? I mean, parenting styles. Yeah. It's difficult to say no. Yeah. But something to talk about is it's more about things that you find. How do you correct your child? Yeah. And principles that both of you. Discipline sounds like heavy. Okay. Yeah. Principles that both of you find. I don't think we talked about this before. I think we did in a way like to smack the child or not or what to do when the baby is doing this. And I think for both of us, we were on the same page with talk. Yeah. Talk it through and maybe give them a time out. Yeah. So the discipline side. I think we rather have to discipline ourselves because we're not good when he cries. We want to help him out immediately. Yeah. So allowing him to just. Not like hysterically cry, but sometimes he, well just yet like we tried to distract him because we wanted to record and I went to the kitchen to clean something up and it was like me, me, me and then I came back and he was playing. So I didn't need to. It was good. You didn't need to just jump in. Yeah. You don't always have to jump in. I think that's more for us than for the baby. Yeah. But I think now at this age is difficult to say because I mean you're teaching him things with words but there's no. The response back. Yes. And there's no need to say, oh, now you're getting a time out because you did this. He's not even aware. Yeah. I think we have to see how that goes. And I think you're definitely more firm than me. I'm a soft boiled egg. Yeah. I'm usually. I think I'm a very, I don't know. Balanced. I know how to be soft. But I, when it comes to being firm as well, I don't feel bad about it. I think you're a bit clearer about it. I think that's. I don't feel bad about it. No, it's no. And this is why it's no and then stick to it. Well, maybe I will go into dialogue. Yeah. I'm just, I do the dialogue part, but then this is the reason why you can't do it. Not that. Yeah. It's I say so kind of parenting. Yeah. No, that's. I'm not giving you more bread because you already ate this, this, this and you look tired. And that's it. I don't care if you want to play with it. Don't know. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. So it's closely related to this one. What are some of the things you liked about the way you were raised? And what would you like to do differently as a parent? Hmm. Big question. What did I like? My parents raised me very independently. I guess that's also why I went abroad and I've, I've been raised to take care of myself, ask questions. And if you need help, ask for it. But I like that a lot. And my mom did a lot of creative stuff with us, like painting and I don't know the, the crafts. Crafts. Yes. Crafts. And I think that was really nice looking back on it. I mean, at the time as a child, it was normal. So I didn't think like, whoa, this is so cool. Yeah. But now I'm like, oh yeah, that was really nice. Yeah. Um, please go first. And then I'll think of some things that I want to do differently. Um, I liked my mom, especially making us feel that we too deserve good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, at some point you do realize, or do recognize your status or your, whether you're a middle income or whatever. But at no point does she make us feel like, you know, I mean, what these people have or what the other kids may have because they can afford it or the appearance can, that you don't deserve it. So I liked that she instilled in us. I think it's one of the things that has made me very, very confident in going after what I want tonight. I know that this is good for me and I want it. And I will find a way to get it. So yeah, I think that's one of the things I really, really liked. Okay. Yeah. I think for me, things I would do differently is that, um, as a child, I always told my parents knew everything. Like I just thought they were all knowing. I think I'm on the same page. Yes. And I would want, I mean, I don't mind that my kids come, I mean, they should come to us with questions and we can give advice, but I would always say, try to keep that, um, like, okay, I would do like this, but what do you think? Yes. Ask them their opinion and also, um, let them know that, um, it's okay to say. We're all trying. Yes. It's okay to say, um, no, like that, that he doesn't know this. No. And that he's not sure. But what are you thinking? And then you can discuss that. Okay. This is what you're thinking. I think that it may end up this way. So you may have to look at it this way. Yeah. And if it doesn't go your way or if it doesn't go that way, we can always do this. So they don't feel the need to get things right all the time or not sure about what to tell parents or what not to tell parents. Yeah. And then they go out making mistakes and then they hide it. So I think that's one of the things I would do different. That it's, it's okay to fail or it's okay to make mistakes and your parents are not all knowing. And so even when I tell you something that I feel that, okay, I'm advising you that you can do it this way and it backfires, you still have the confidence in me to come back because I did tell you that I'm not really sure about if you try this way in my work. And then let me know how it goes. Yeah. Let me know how it goes. That he doesn't know everything. Yeah. And I think another thing, but that's not necessarily from how I was going about what I'm trying to practice is being present because especially with work and your phone constantly messages and, you know, you can constantly be distracted in these days if you want to. And I think I'm not saying I always Zen and always in the moment, but I try to, when I'm home with you all, I try to be, really be there. Yeah. Play and I mean, we can all watch the feet together or just be together and not like, Yeah. It's one of the things I also agree we can do differently. I also think that I'm just going to defend how we were raised a little bit, that the times were different. For example, I had the privilege. I think it's a privilege position that I'm in that I was able to quit my nine to five and go freelance back in our parents time. It's something unheard of that you think of to do because also they were in traditional relationships. I think our voices up during traditional or sometimes relationships. Let me get it. And yeah. Yeah. So I wanted to defend a little bit that in their time. First of all, the culture was different. Environment was different. And many things that we are able to make us occupations and still earn from are different now. So I have, again, I'm privileged enough to be able to quit my traditional or corporate work and then decide that, okay, I want to spend more time with my kid and do freelance as a filmmaker, as a voice actor. But I sometimes feel just to counter that this time, yes, you have more freedom as in to do the job you want. But on the other hand, there's also more pulling in other directions from social media, from always being in touch with like when our parents were parents, like you had to really call to somebody's house in order to get somebody. Yeah. In the evening, she would be with your family. That's it. They were really present presence, yes. So in that sense, they had that balance. So I mean, you would not bring your work home because there was no way because your computer, even if there was a computer would be at work. Yeah. And if you would type things out, it took you like six days to write something. Yeah. And you wouldn't bring a type machine home. Yeah. We have about, let me see, one, two, three, four, five, six more questions. But at this point, we would like to end it here and do a part two because our boss won't start the boss. So look out for part two and part two starts with what name will your child have? Catch that one. Oh, okay, let's go.