 Okay, so this is going to be a little bit of a weird video, but I had a thought this week that I really just need to share with you. I haven't been able to shake. I know it's not true, but maybe you resonate with it in some way and that's going to lead us into the main topic of this video. So this week, I was thinking about deconstruction. I was thinking about all the folks that leave the faith or say, you know, I'm done with Christianity. And because I feel like in a lot of ways I'm a prime candidate to deconstruct. And one of the reasons is, is that growing up, I grew up in a Christian household, Christian homeschooled household, like seven brothers and sisters. And I was that kind of good Christian kid. I didn't really rebel. I did everything I was supposed to do on the outside. I'm not saying the inside was right, but I made kind of the choices that I was supposed to make being responsible, never really rebelled as a teenager. And now I think back to it and I'm like, okay, is the bottom going to fall back and fall out eventually? Like, am I just going to finally need to rebel and finally need to throw off these chains of Christianity eventually, because it's been pretty consistent up until now. And I know that's just a thought. I don't really believe that, but that was something I was thinking about. But it kind of led me to some of the deconstruction, yeah, evangelical folks and some of the things they've been saying, they've resonated with me in a weird way. And maybe you've experienced that too. You've seen some of these folks that have left Christianity and they're like, this is what I'm experiencing. These are some of my doubts. These are some of my questions. This is some of my experiences. This is why I'm doing what I'm doing. And you say, I feel that too, or I resonate with that. And maybe it scares you. We're going to walk through some of those questions or struggles or just things that we encounter, because I've worked through a lot of them. And I want to share with you how I've worked through them that might help you as well. When we talk about deconstruction, I think that faith needs to be deconstructed when it is based on something other than God. That is the key. So when I talk about deconstruction, I'm not just saying, let's just pull down our faith, the walls and foundations of our faith, the core beliefs just because we're angry or frustrated or whatever else. No, because if our foundation is the Bible, then our faith should be founded on God, right? That's what that's what we're called to do is to put our faith in God and not in other things. We're also called to cling to him as the truth. So the key here is to analyze things in our lives and beliefs that we have that are just lies. One of the first things that I've experienced and I've resonated with is that Christianity felt burdensome. For a long time in my Christian walk, Christianity felt heavy. It felt like something on my shoulders that that was just kind of weighing me down. And part of the reason was I was so oriented towards doing good things in order to earn God's favor. Now I recognize that God saved me by his grace and that my salvation was not of my own works. But then, once I was saved, I just totally believed that in order for me to stay saved or keep, not necessarily stay safe, but at least keep God's favor on me and make sure God liked me and loved me still, that I had to be constantly doing things. I had to be constantly seeing if I measured up to my expectations and my following short. And I always felt like I was following short. I always felt like, okay, you know, I'm not doing enough for God to really love me. And one of the things that I've noticed is that shame can find its way easily in the hearts of a person that's not finding their security in Christ, but rather in their own ability. Because if I'm finding my security in my own ability, then I'm going to find that I'm lacking in a lot of ways. And then I'm going to affirm that voice of shame that says, you're not enough. You're not, you know, you're not doing enough. You're not being enough. You're not becoming enough. And so this was a heavy weight that I bore for a long time. Another aspect of that is that God felt like an angry Father. Like if I ask you to envision God, what does God look like to you? And I know it's like, okay, you have no concept of what God looks like exactly. But for me, if you would ask me that, I would have said, well, maybe some like angry guy or angry father, angry old guy with a big beard. And he's just kind of like frustrated at me. Like he's just kind of like either frustrated or just disappointed. Like he wants me to do better, but he knows like I can't. And so he's just like kind of always kind of disappointed in me. That was kind of the looming feeling that I had around God. And I know, hey, that's not right. That's not biblical. That's not what God is inviting me into. There's also this concept of always feeling like Christianity and everything connected with it was out of duty and never delight. Like the Christian walk was just a treading through the muck in the mire of our world, just hoping for the day that things get easier. But it was never out of a delight or a joy in God. And this was kind of my challenge was was encountering people that seem to have this kind of lightness to their walk, where Jesus was kind of an old friend to them. And they just really connected with him on a deep level. And I just felt like God is this distant guy, his transcendent God. He is holy, but he looks down on me with this taste and disgust and that I'm just this worm to him, even as his child. I'm just, I'm not doing enough. So there's this constant push and shame was kind of fueling that. And I wanted to be perfect. And that was also this twofold out of shame, where I felt like I needed to be perfect. And also out of the desire to, to really kind of bolster my pride. So I wanted to be the best Christian, I wanted to be the best guy. So I felt like I have to be perfect. All these things kind of amalgamated into providing this just heavy weight on my shoulders for a long time. And when I hear from X evangelicals or deconstruction Christians that have verbalized this, that they just felt this weight on their shoulders. I want to invite them into the journey that I'm on. And it's a journey of letting go of the need to have everything in our control, the need to be perfect, the need to try to earn God's love, but rather we're invited into rest. Like this idea of just being friends with God, the idea of just being invited into, you know, sitting with them next to a stream and enjoying his presence and like what, like that is completely different than my previous understanding of who God was and what he expected of me. I wanted, I thought God wanted me to do, do, do, do, do until I did enough. And then God would at the end of the day say, you did enough. Good job. But no, it was just like being in relationship with God, the overflow of that delighting into him was the was the core was foundation. And then everything else flows from that delight and that enjoyment of God, where now like, yeah, I'm seeking to do things for his glory. I'm seeking to, you know, pursue my work excellently and share the gospel with folks. But that's all out of a relationship with God and an unhurried relationship with God, an unanxious relationship with God. He is an anchoring presence where we find our security. That's what I want to invite folks into. Not this burdensome. Oh my goodness. I just need to show up at church and do all these things in order to stay a part of the Christian club because that's what I hear. And that's just so sad. Another sentiment that I hear from people that I resonate with was that God didn't give me what I wanted or he didn't show up in the way that I wanted him to. I think in a lot of ways we can all resonate with this. God not showing up in the exact way that we wanted him to, in the way that we wanted him to, or not giving us what we wanted. And sometimes it's because of our own faulty expectations of what we're owed. You have this concept where if I do my part, if I do all that I need to do, and Larry Crabb really does a great job at encapsulating this idea in his books, but if I do all I can do as a Christian and all I need to do, then God is obligated to fulfill the other end of the deal. And he's going to make my life work. He's going to grant me the things that I want to be there. And he's going to show up in the ways that I want him to show up. But what we need to realize is that all this is about God. It's not about me getting the life that I want, but rather God is working beneath the surface to orient my perspective and my vision onto him, that I would grow deeper in relationship with him, that I would find him to be my ultimate dream, that in the midst of my shattered expectations I would see him as my greatest joy. And even when God doesn't show up in the ways that I want him to, I don't feel him in the way that I want him to. That's not fuel to say God is absent or he's not here, but rather to see the same sentiment that Jesus tells the Apostle Thomas and he says, you know, blessed are those who have not seen and yet still believe. I've said this before about blessed are those who don't feel it and who don't experience him all the time or don't feel his love and yet still believe him. What I'm going to is the scripture. That's what I, that's my foundation. That's how I know if something is in alignment or not in alignment. The trouble comes when you value your own perspective and your own standard over the Bible. When I say, you know what, God, you've revealed yourself in this particular way or you've told me this thing about myself, but I reject you. You said that, you know, I'm bad on my own and that I can't do anything right and that I have dead in my trespasses and sins without God. I reject that. I don't want that. That makes me feel bad. That's, that's when we get off the rails, right? But saying, Hey, this belief that I have doesn't align with scripture, doesn't align with how God revealed himself to be. That's just a normal Christian practice. I'll get, you know, fixated on trying to do as much as I can with the ministry and trying to work hard and trying to fit in more hours to do more things and just obsess with hurry and neglect other responsibilities or maybe, you know, disregard other opportunities because I'm like, I need to do more of this. But then I take a little deeper look at the belief, the lie that I'm believing, Oh my goodness, I believe that this is giving me my value or my worth or I need to be successful at this to be significant in the eyes of God or that I need to value other people's opinions or their perspectives of me more than God. I'm constantly kind of analyzing these lies and trying to submit them to God say, God, give me the freedom and the rest that you've invited me into that I can do this out of delight and not out of anxiety or hurry or worry or it's not burdensome. I just want to glorify you in this and that journey is freeing. Laying those lies down at his feet is so freeing. My faith is evolving, but in a positive way, it's being conformed by the scripture, by God and not the culture. That's the desire. That's the goal. All of a sudden, when we are more influenced by the culture and the people around us and that's what's forming our faith most significantly, that's when we run into trouble. Thanks friends for watching this video. If you enjoyed it, subscribe because I'm putting out new videos every single week. I want to give a huge shout out to everyone on Patreon. If you guys want to support what I'm doing, my mission of equipping people to follow Jesus daily, hit the link in my description and sign up to Patreon today. It is the primary way that this ministry keeps going and growing. The support from there is so essential to what I'm doing. So if you want to support me, that would be a huge blessing. Until next time, God bless.