 If you were to give advice to somebody who's like, okay, I'm just starting this process for myself. And I think celibacy feels right for me. Is there a starter kit that you can like issue out? A starter kit, girl? No, lots of prayer, showers, working out. Like take all the energy that you have like for sex and invest it into something that you're creating. But if you're gonna be bored and celibate, my God, you were setting yourself up for disaster. Don't do that. It's just gonna be like, anyway, look, it's sex. Maya Papaya, welcome to Shambudi's channel. Thank you for having me. You're welcome, we're coming. You know that shade? I was like, yo, you've been on my channel how many times? So many times. Trick and how many times have I been on your channel? Welcome to another episode of Mix the Slow Bad Party. What is your boom, I'm here. Welcome, model, so this is too easy, thank you. Do you ever look in the mirror and see your mom? Like there's a certain angle of my face. I'm like, there's my mom, there's Olivia. Like I see her in my spirit just creep up and I try to push her back down. Get down. How did you first discover yourself as a sexual person? I had my first, I wanna say encounter, maybe sexual experience? Yeah, oh, you have French kiss my leg. Yeah. I must have been like four, but then I lost my virginity at 15, yeah, to my stupid lame boyfriend. Because you came up from a Catholic upbringing, right? Yeah. So strict Catholic, Filipino mother. What were you told about sex? And like with something like that? Don't have sex, don't even talk about it, don't think about it, don't address it. So then does it work? Like how come you came from this idea that sex is bad and wrong, but still like there's a part of you that like wanted to find the exploration? You know what it is? It's because you can't just say no, don't do this. And that's what was told to me and that's kind of my understanding of the Catholic Church. Just don't talk about it, don't do it, just don't address it. For me, when I'm a mother and I have a conversation with my kids, I don't wanna tell them it's wrong and I don't wanna tell them not to do it, but I wanna tell them the pros and the cons that come with it. And why it is viewed as wrong or why it is viewed as like good, but I want them to know the risks and the benefits so they can make a decision for themselves. Oh, and then after that, I was like, you know what? I'm never having intercourse again. And that's why I was like, I'll do it when, I never said married, but I said when I meet the man that I want to marry. And then fast forward until maybe 21, 22 is when I met my ex-husband. You didn't have sex with anybody from 15 to 22? Wow. No, no inter, no intercourse. Yeah, and then we were together for nine years, but I knew it was off when we were kissing. We didn't have the same kiss. Really? Like from the jump? From the jump. We didn't have the same kisses. That never changed over the past, over the nine years? We hadn't, I mean, I could count on my hand how many times where I'm like, okay, that was when we kissed on rhythm because like, this is not even your channel's not about this, but kissing, let's talk about it. He was doing this, like, going fast, like, and I'm like, yeah. I mean, it wasn't all like that. There was like good times and bad times, but I would say the overall from the beginning we weren't on the same page. And I know now moving forward, it's so important. Yes, you know, same values when you meet someone, beliefs and ethics, but like sexuality and chemistry is so important. Like you can't, you can't shoot them. After your divorce and you had, only had two partners up into that place, where did you go sexually from there? Did it forever that I like, you know, had fun with a few couple guys and, oh then the second guy, he was really dead. And was that a happy time for you? Like how would you describe that phase? I would say it was almost in a low key sense of like revenge in a weird way. I'm like, am I that person? I didn't want to, I wouldn't want to admit it at the time, but like I was hurt. And I'm like, you know what, he cheated on me. I'm going to go have fun and like be with other people. Cause I'm like, I already did it. Like I already like was with someone and that didn't work out. So like this thing that I was told, like keep it to your married, then what? Then you get divorced and then, then what was it all for? It was fun for a short period of time, but then it comes with all this like baggage. Like, oh my God, this person has these issues. Like I don't want to deal with that. And then those issues, like if you're sleeping with someone who has issues, those issues will be a part of your life. No matter how you cut it, it will be a part of your life. So I'm like, okay, do I want to be with multiple partners that bring all their baggage and these like soul connections that they have tied to them into my world? No, I don't want to. Sex is a huge, to me, people are like so casual about it. I'm like, I don't know how you can be casual unless it's a mental thing. Because sex is such, it carries so much with it. Like it comes with so much past experience and energy and like pain and joy. And it's just, to me, it's so important. Yeah. I guess I was telling myself it's not that important. Have fun and go everywhere. But when you really take time to investigate that, it's really, to me, it's really almost sacred. Yeah. I think it's the beautiful thing about it is that everyone gets to find that for themselves and for some people, kissing has that weight to it where it's like again, you're connecting with someone in that way and like you knew what to draw the line for you. So now I want to talk about that. When did you decide for you, okay, this is my line that I don't want to cross and why? When I was in New York, so when I left New York, I'm like, okay, I have a new start in L.A. Don't, don't fuck it up. Pun intended. But even then I was like, you know what? My life isn't where I want it to be. I've been distracted by men, like drama, all of this. And I'm like, okay, cut all of that out. God hook me up. If I give up sex, if I give up guys, can you at least help me? Yeah. And then I was like, okay. So then fast forward to like three months later, then my life was like changing. I'm like, what the hell, what's going on? And then God's like, remember that deal we made? And I'm like, oh my God, yes. Can't do that. I can't ruin the plan. And then I came out to L.A. I was like, you got to keep on track, Maya. No boys, no sex, just focus on your work and your relationship, your spirituality. And then I remember moving into this place and then you saw this place. You're like, good luck with that. This is like a sex camera. You can like swear around and have sex with them. Disco balls. But I did a pretty good job. Yeah. And so like you abstained I guess from 15 to your 20s. How has it been different now as an adult woman? I think it's not that challenging when you're on your own. But for me it was easy because, not easy, but like if I don't have a boyfriend or a guy in the picture, then it's not that hard. Yeah. Like I do have moments where I'm like, oh my God. Coconut oil, come over here. But like besides that, it's just like a physical rush, but it's not like there's a guy I need to like jump his bones unless you have like a friend who's like that. But I didn't have any temptation, so it wasn't hard. But as a woman, yes, I have urges and I'm like, I'm in my prime too, so. Well you have influenced my relationship with masturbation by introducing the most amazing tool in the world to me, which I didn't know. I told you that years ago though. Yeah, you were the one. Oh, okay. So I said, like I'm giving credit for that. So many great times and a balanced pH. No, no, you told me like when I first moved to LA. Yeah, like coconut oil, first of all, before 2005, I didn't know coconut oil even existed. I didn't hear no one talk about it. But when I went to Catholic school as well too, we were told masturbation is wrong and the Bible God said it's wrong, but you still choose to self-pleasure. So how did you find peace to do that? Whereas in like not going so literal to what the word is. I think it's all about balance. That's how I live my life, because I could go the nth degree and people try to like do everything right according to the Bible, but I'm like those people are the people that are doing, I think the most damage because they're doing the most damaging thing, which is judging people. They're judging others and they're judging themselves and God, Jesus Christ came to like kind of take that off of our plate. Yeah. And he's saying that love is the number one commandment of all. Above all else, love one another. So balance in my life is how I live and that's what works and makes me happy. I think it's what you're doing and how much, it's the intention behind it. So I don't think that's bad. I personally don't. And if I force myself and say, Maya, the Bible said it's bad and you should feel awful and da da da, I don't know, that just doesn't work for me. Yeah. Well, speaking of celebrating your body, what I love about you is your body. Got a bomb ass body. She been working out though. And it's like, do you put a line between that? Like, look, like, yes, I am celibate, but at the same time, I'm still a sexy woman whose body deserves to feel adored. My brain doesn't really think that way, but I do think Maya, you're gonna get old. Yeah. And if you don't celebrate it now, when are you gonna celebrate it? Like, I don't wanna be that old lady that's like, oh, you know, I used to have a body. Granny, where are those photos? Hi, I'm Hamam, but take a look. No, like, I wanna be like, yo, that's your grandma way back when. Yeah. I guess, because I'm Christian and other Christians would be like, oh, you know what, whatever works for you. If that, if being, you know, in your underwear and posting that online is like bad, then yes, it is bad. Yeah. It's not bad for me, so. Everyone's faith and beliefs are subjective and personal. But it's powerful though. I think it's like a beautiful and powerful place and people don't always have an example with somebody else. And, I mean, this is two extreme examples. I think it's just important to have a conversation with yourself and God, because since I am who I am, I'm gonna say have a conversation with God and find out what works for you and try not to look at what everyone else is doing and trying to base your lifestyle on what Shannon's doing or what Maya's doing. And instead, taking it in like, oh, okay, that's two perspectives. What do I wanna do? Like use that as a time to inwardly reflect on what works for you versus like, this is trendy, that's trendy. Let me try this, let me try that, fuck all that. Just do you, boo. What advice would you give to somebody who's owning celibacy as their path and doesn't know how to communicate that to others? Like, are we supposed to like before the first day, like, just so we're clear? I didn't do that. I wasn't a, I'll tell you what I did. I don't wanna tell you what to do. But for me, I was like, I'm not, I'm not advertising that shit, but I put it all over YouTube. When I go on dates, I'm not like, just so you know, I'm celibate and I'm saving myself to match. No, I'm just like, just let's go on dates. And then, oh, it came up because we were making out and it was getting thing. I was just like, just so you know. That's a good time though. Yeah. I think that's always, to me, it's like, it's not everyone's business. Like, if you engage in casual sex, you shouldn't go around being like, just so you're aware, you have a chance later on tonight. You shouldn't, you know, you wouldn't expect to do that to somebody. Right. There are a lot of people who want or own celibacy is what works for them, but it's like the pressure from movies and TV and friends who talk about sex constantly or even maybe a partner who's putting the pressure on them. Like, how would you, or where should that person look to find the strength to stay to what feels true to them? Oh my goodness. Listen, I got apps on apps on apps. For me, it's like, it really is having a relationship with God and making sure I keep tapping into that. Because a lot of the times when a guy's in the picture, what I would do is focus on my energy on this guy. And then I'm like, wait a minute, Maya, what happened to the things that you did? Like your prayer, you're going to church or like even, you know, being with your friends or your work, you dropped all of that to invest into this one guy. And I'm like, no, like, so keep staying on the path that you're on. And hopefully you have a healthy lifestyle where you have things going for you. So when somebody comes into the picture, you don't just drop it all, but you figure out a way to balance this person along with all the other things that you're doing. How would you define sex? Sex is a union between two people that have intense emotions for one another. At least good sex. Yeah. And there's bad sex. She gets it like this. The leg hop like. I get it girl. Yeah. Yeah I get it girl. Yeah. Yeah I get it girl. Uh oh. And if you don't know I get it girl. I get it girl.