 Hey, psyched goers, welcome back to our channel. All of your love and support helps us continue in our goal to make psychology and mental health more accessible to everyone, including people like you. So thanks for the love. Now to the video. Have you ever been emotionally blackmailed? It can be a scary thing that can happen in any type of relationship. Emotional blackmail is a form of abuse. Emotional manipulators use it to get what they want from you. You may not realize it's even happening to you. This is exactly what happened to Susie. Meet Susie. Susie is the type of girl who always looks to the bright side of things. She loves reading, fashion, her dog munchkins, and hanging out with her friends. And she loves making people happy. But she must admit she wasn't the happiest in her last relationship. Meet Trevor, Susie's ex-boyfriend. Their relationship started off full of kindness and romance. Then Trevor started behaving a bit differently. One night after a long day of work, Susie arrives home, groceries in hand, so the two can cook a meal for their dinner date. It's been a long day, and frankly, she's exhausted. I bought some fresh vegetables and steak for dinner tonight. Susie exclaims, in excitement. And bam, Trevor stomps into the room, not looking too happy. But I wanted to go out tonight. Susie notices the frustrated expression on Trevor's face and decides to go out. After all, she loves making others happy. But they do go out nearly every other day, and since Susie is the one currently working, she always ends up paying. So they go out for their romantic dinner date. But on the drive there, Susie notices Trevor turning into his favorite sushi place. Oh. Susie says a bit wary. Honey, I told you I'm allergic to fish. He doesn't respond right away and continues driving. Honey? Susie asks again. To be frank, her face puffs up like a blowfish anytime she's even around fish. Allergic reaction. I can't believe this. Do you ever consider what I want? He bursts out like a fifth grader whose parents forgot to order him a happy meal. Susie remembers watching a psyched go video on emotional manipulation. She remembered that they mentioned a way to respond to blackmail was to know your triggers. Susie hates fighting in the car, and will often try to end it by any means necessary. Another tip, remain calm with blackmail and provide an answer later. Blackmailers will often demand an answer immediately. Fine, we'll go to your favorite place again. He eventually groans out as he sharply turns the car around. But they always go to his favorite restaurant. Oh well. She thinks to herself. Maybe he'll lighten up once we're both fed. But the whole drive there, not a word uttered out of his mouth. And during dinner, nothing but sighs and complaints and sarcastic comments. Psyched go also reminded Susie to offer up another solution to the blackmailer. I understand that you're angry about not going to the sushi place, but you could always order sushi here. She offers. When they get home, super romantic Trevor wants to finish the evening off with some romance. Susie expresses how exhausted she is, especially after all of Trevor's annoying complaints. And of course, Trevor decides to give Susie the silent treatment in response. Susie stood in the hall as the lights were turned off on her and the door slammed shut behind him. Somehow she couldn't help but feel like she was being punished. In fact, this is the type of emotional blackmail tactic that is described as punishment tactics. Those who use this method are also known as the Punisher Type. Trevor's obnoxious complaints and silence, he used it as punishment for not getting what he wanted. All in hopes to make Susie do what he wants in the future. Out of fear of this type of scenario happening again. Take it easy, Trevor. You can eat your sushi another time. Maybe when Susie dumps you, gosh, and I hope she does it soon. After a long night of worry and hurt, Susie starts the next day off on a good note. Our boss has just given her terrific news. Your work ethic is the best on the team. Keep it up, Susie. And who knows, that open manager position may even be yours in the coming months. Susie couldn't be more excited. She's worked so hard in her retail job. What's better than combining her love of people and fashion? Though she works days and nights and long hours, over hours, unpaid additional hours on top of the over hours. Holidays, weekends, days off. I need to calm down there for a second. She works a lot. Still no word from the boss about that manager position, huh? Luckily, she remembered a tip for responding to blackmail. One option is to begin a conversation expressing how they make you feel. Some blackmailers may just see what they do as a strategy that simply works and not realize that they're hurting you. Others know what they're doing. Always assess how safe you feel doing so first and then try talking about how you feel. Susie peeks into her boss's office to start a healthy conversation. Excuse me, sir, about that manager position you mentioned. Her boss angrily responds with, I need you out working. Do you really expect a manager to interrupt me when I'm oh, so busy? I can see now you aren't fit for the job. Oh, you. Susie shuts the door quietly. All that work and he thinks she's unfit for the job now. This is just another tactic for emotional blackmail. Those who use this tactic are called tantalizers. The blackmailer will offer a reward or praise for all that you've done or all that they want you to do. And when the times come to collect the said reward, there's just another thing left for you to finish. And then it's all yours. And then another thing and another and another. It's just another way to get you to do what they want. After all, if you gave up, after all the work you put in to earn your reward, you wouldn't get your reward at all. But odds are, if they're manipulating you, you weren't gonna get it either way. Trevor arrives to pick up Susie after her long day of work. She scoots in the car past the takeout boxes and to her surprise, Trevor's already eaten. I was gonna cook dinner tonight. She says, can't a girl have some veggies and steak every now and then? Yeah, I didn't wanna eat what you make. She mumbles under his breath, stank of two-day old Susie. Sai, Susie couldn't help but mention that they couldn't keep eating takeout. She was the only one making money. If you want takeout, you're going to have to start paying some of the bills. She said, Trevor suddenly musters up some convincing sobs. They lost my job. You know I need a place to stay. I'll be homeless if you don't let me live with you. I've been applying for a manager position every three months and next month I'll apply for two. You don't think I'm looking for a job, it takes time. Susie's face falls flat. It's, it's been eight years. Trevor has no response. Do I spot another tactic? Mm yep, like to goers. This is yet another emotional blackmail tactic. Those who use this one are called sufferers. They'll often try to convey their feelings without words but more importantly, they'll make sure to mention their misery and suffering while pointing out how you could help them. Instead of admitting the problem is theirs, they put the guilt on you and make it your problem. To them, their suffering won't stop unless you do something about it. This is a form of manipulation and blackmail and quite frankly, Susie's had enough of it. Another tip to deal with blackmail, if all else fails or if you've simply had enough of it, if you feel safe enough, it's time to call things off. For Susie, it's right here and right now. Only blocks away from Trevor's favorite sushi restaurant, she demands Trevor pull over and she kicks him out the car. Get, get out! She commands. But, but. It's a lamb. She shuts the door and drives home. His friend works at the restaurant. He can get her at home to pick up his things later. And that promotion she had hoped for, she happened to find her favorite fashion brand was hiring for an immediate position. Roll, manager. Her interview is Thursday. So, having rid herself of a manipulative blackmailer, Susie shuts the door on her way inside her cozy apartment, tosses her shoes off or her dog munchkins to nibble on and takes out the steak from the freezer to unthaw. Susie's having steak and veggies tonight. So, do you suffer from an emotional blackmailer? Which tactic do they use? And how will you respond to them now that you have some tips and advice from Susie? Let us know in the comments below. Also, feel free to take a look at our other video, What is emotional blackmail to learn more? Make sure to like this video, subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell icon for more psychology content and advice. And if you know someone who's dealing with blackmail, it wouldn't hurt to share this video too. Thanks for watching and we'll see you soon.