 Chapter 5 of Tell it All by Fanny Stenhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Mormon Wonders, Anointings and Miracles Not long after my marriage, I saw a miracle performed. A real, true miracle. Let not the reader smile, or think that I am only jesting, for I am quite in earnest, and mean what I say. I saw a sick person who for years had been confined to her bed, her limbs distorted, and her back bent. I was present when, after her conversion, the elders visited her. I saw them anoint her, and lay hands upon her, and pray most fervently, and I saw the same decrepit old woman walking and singing and praising God. If that was not a miracle, I should like to know what is. The Mormon leaders preached everywhere that their religion was not really a new one. It was only the fullness of the gospel, the dispensation of the last days. Just, they said, as Jesus Christ fulfilled and completed the old Jewish law, so the modern prophet preached the perfection of Christ's gospel. Nothing new, only the perfection of the old. This it was that made them so very successful when arguing with people who were well taught in the letter of the Bible, but otherwise had received very little educational training. The following attempt at an argument, which was once carried on between a Mormon missionary and a Methodist local preacher in my presence, will serve to explain what I mean. Local preacher. But sir, I deny in Toto that your elders ever do work miracles. The age of miracles is past. Mormon missionary, statement is not proof. You say sir that the age of miracles is past. Do you believe in the Bible? Local preacher, certainly. Missionary. Well then sir, do you consider that the Bible asserts that miracles can be and have been worked? Do you believe that or not? Preacher. Certainly I do. Christ and his apostles worked miracles and the Bible speaks of many others besides. Missionary. We agree on that point, but did Christ anywhere say that miracles should ever cease? Did his apostles? Yes. No. Yes. That is to say, I don't remember. Let me try to refresh your memory. Have not all the sacred writers foretold that ultimately this globe should be destroyed by fire, that the heavens should pass away and the earth melt and the sun and the stars and the moon be blotted out? Yes, of course we all know that. Then let me ask you, is such a terrible convulsion a common matter of fact? Is it not out of all calculation, out of all order of nature? Is it not a miracle and a miracle yet to be performed? Have then miracles ceased? Oh yes, but that's not a personal matter like healing the sick. Tell me then, does the Bible teach or does it not teach that bones shall come to bone and sin you to sin you and earth and sea shall give up their dead at the last trump? Is not that a miracle? And don't you think it's a little personal to you and to me? Well of course I admit that. But I have not done yet. Did or did not Christ say, these signs shall follow them that believe. In my name they shall cast out devils, they shall speak with new tongues, they shall take up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them. They shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover. Now tell me, are not miracles promised there and nothing said about when they should cease? Is it not just as fair for the infidel to say that one of Christ's promises was of no avail as for you to say that he has broken his word? Solemnly he makes a promise to be with them to the end of the world and to confirm their miracles. You because of your want of faith see and work no miracles and so you virtually say Christ broke his word on that point. The rest of the promise you don't deny because you can say it is fulfilled without bringing forth any visible proofs. Well I hardly know what to say to all this. Let me ask you one more question, sir. Have you ever seen a miracle of any kind performed? No sir, certainly not. And are you a teacher in Israel and know not these things? Have you been preaching the gospel as I think you said you had for over 18 years and never yet saw a miracle performed? Been preaching Christ and yet never saw him discover his power in proof of what you taught? I'm afraid not sir, you trouble me. No sir, it is not I who trouble you. It is he troubles you, whose word you have doubted. Only last week Mr. Stern, a minister of your own persuasion but not far I trust from the kingdom of God, visited Bill Wright, the murderer in prison. Bill had lived a life of infamy, the vilest of the vile, and he wound up his horrible crimes by cutting the throat of his wife. That brute in human form refused at first to speak with anyone. Day after day and night after night the good man went to see him but long in vain. At length one day he chanced to mention the words of Jesus. Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. A little boy by his mother's knee the murderer had listened to those words which have brought peace to so many broken hearts. The appeals of the good minister had fallen dead upon his ears. But now was the time of the spirit's influence and the strong man wept. I have seen that fiendish man whose very face betrays the depths of degradation to which his nature has fallen. I have seen him listening meekly and humbly to the word of God, without hope for earth but with a changed soul within. Now me was not that a miracle if ever there was one? Sir I admit that what you say is very forcible. I admit that these things are miraculous, but what I deny is that in these days men, whether Catholic priests or Mormon missionaries, can like Saint Paul or Saint Peter go about with power to heal the sick or raise the dead. And what I assert, sir, is that God in these last days has raised up a holy priesthood to preach the fullness of the everlasting gospel. Peter quoted the prophecy of Joel and said that it was now fulfilled, and that your young men should see visions, and your old men dream dreams, and I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh, saith the Lord. Now if those were the last days, what are these? That was the beginning of the end, this is the end. I do not deny that much imposture has been practiced, but the existence of a counterfeit only proves that the real thing must be somewhere. In many instances too, some of our holiest men have failed, and the world has scoffed at what it called their imposture. But even the disciples of Christ, you remember, once tried to work a miracle and were not able to do so. What did Christ say? But that it was their want of faith, and bade them fast and pray more. Well sir, I am willing to allow this, but if you yourself could perform a miracle before my eyes, if for instance you'd cure some man or woman who I knew really and truly was a confirmed invalid, then sir, I'd accept all you say, I'd become a Mormon at once. But you'd decline that test, I suppose. No sir, I would not decline. Brother Sturgis, a new convert of ours has been ill for years. You know him well, for he used to go to your meeting years ago before he fell from a ladder, and the doctors pronounced him incurably deaf. Your religion didn't help him, and the doctors didn't. If that man has only faith, faith as a little child, he shall hear as well as your eye today. We are going to pray over him. Will you go with me? Yes, I'll go, but I hardly know what to think of it. So saying the two disputants walked off together. What ocular demonstration of miracle-working was presented to the Methodist minister, I do not know. I can only say that a fortnight after, I was present at a meeting of the saints when he was admitted into the church by immersion. He was followed by a goodly number of his flock. He became a very earnest missionary, and years after, died in the full odor of sanctity, and was buried in Zion, clothed in the full canonicals of a high priest. At the time of which I speak such arguments as those I have briefly sketched from memory, and many which were much more forcibly put, had great weight with me. The holy scriptures I implicitly believed, and taking them quite literally, I found that the reasoning employed by the Mormons was at least to me altogether unanswerable. But for all that, I always liked my believing to be mixed with a little seeing and judging for myself, and on this account it was that I went with a good deal of pleasure to the house of Sister Armstrong, upon whom the elders were going to lay hands and pray. St. James had said, Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up, and if he had committed sins they shall be forgiven him. I wanted to see this command obeyed in these days, and to note results. Sister Armstrong lived in a by-street not very far from the place where our meetings were held. She had lived in Southampton nearly all her life and probably even now, although in the course of nature she must long since have gone to her rest. There must be many persons living who could remember her and her sudden recovery from illness, for at the time, as might be expected, it produced no small sensation in the immediate locality in which she resided. She had been the wife of a master-builder who meeting with an accident while engaged in business was for a long time confined helplessly to the house, and then to his bed, from which he never arose. His wife was a faithful and good woman. She nursed him tenderly and, by dint of great exertions on her part, was able to provide all the necessaries and decencies of life for her afflicted husband, herself, and their two little girls, besides paying for suitable medical attendance. In course of time the girls were sent to school. It was the mother's pride that they should not go to a free school, or as schools of that class are called in England, a charity school, and night and day she would toil with her needle in order to carry out this praiseworthy determination. When their father died the girls were great comfort to their mother. They were now almost grown up to womanhood and were able by their own exertions to add very considerably to the family income. Thus happily and contentedly they lived together for several years until one of the girls married very suitably, a good hard-working mechanic who had known her from childhood, but the other remained at home with her mother. Not long after the marriage of her elder daughter, Mrs. Armstrong was troubled with a severe cold which confined her for some weeks to the house. She grew alarmingly worse and finally took to her bed. One morning her daughter found her speechless, and a doctor being called in he pronounced her condition desperate. She was subject to convulsive fits which were at first a very frequent occurrence. After a time they came only at intervals, but their effect upon her was terrible. Her limbs were drawn up towards her body and her spine was completely curved. While all one sight of her face was permanently distorted and this continued for over five years. Sarah the younger daughter watched her mother tenderly, earning meanwhile a modest living by her needle and from the proceeds of a little miscellaneous shop which she was able to tend without leaving the invalid for more than a few minutes at a time. Thus they lived together contentedly and happy until the arrival of the Mormon missionaries in Southampton. The married daughter and her husband being rather better in education and position than people of that class usually are in England had made it a rule to go regularly every Sunday to their own parish church and their children were baptized by the regular clergyman. This latter gentleman however died and his successor who of course was appointed without consulting the wishes of the people was although a scholar and a gentleman utterly without the slightest tinge of religious enthusiasm. The Methodists at that time had a grand revival and the young couple being induced to attend one of their meetings like what they heard and not long after left off their attendance at the Anglican church and joined the denomination to which they had become attached. This change as might be expected somewhat unsettled them and when the Mormon missionaries came Bible in hand and quoting chapter and verse for everything they said they found ready listeners and in a very short time the whole family was admitted into the Mormon church by baptism. The affliction of the old lady was naturally the subject of conversation among those newly made saints and their neighbors. As we have seen the Mormon missionaries not only asserted their power to work miracles but appealed to them as proofs of their mission. People suggested that if this was really true here was an opportunity of the best kind for putting these pretensions to the test for everyone knew that there was no deception about the malady of Sister Armstrong. Themselves firmly believing in what they taught the elders desired nothing more than to be able to prove the truth of their assertions and declared their readiness to do what was required of them. A proper time was appointed when the relations and friends of the sick person should meet together to intercede for her in solemn prayer after which they would anoint her with oil as the apostle James had directed and lay their hands upon her that the prayer of faith might save the sick and God should raise her up. The room was full of people. There were several of the leading elders present and also a goodly number of the saints who naturally felt a deep interest in the result of these proceedings. Besides these the neighbors who of course had heard what was going on came and filled up the room quite inconveniently. A stranger would at once have been struck with the prevalence of that peculiar magnetic feeling which evidently influenced all present. Even those who as the poet says came to scoff felt the same influence as many afterwards acknowledged. The elders surrounded the bed and after a brief but most earnest address from one of them we all engaged in prayer. The subject of the prayer can readily be supposed but the earnestness, the intense anxious pleading of the supplicants no one could comprehend who had never been present at such a scene. A bottle of oil was now brought out by the eldest daughter of the invalid and three of the elders took it in their hands. It was an Italian flask of very thin glass covered with wicker and holding somewhat more than a pint. In taking hold of it the elders placed their fingers quite rounded though where many assist in the consecration I have seen them simply touch it with their fingers. Then one of the elders said, By virtue of the holy priesthood and in the name of Jesus Christ we consecrate this oil to the healing of all those who are sick and afflicted that it may remove all infirmities and impurities of the system and may this oil which we dedicate especially to the healing of our afflicted sister penetrate her to the afflicted parts and give them new life and vigor that she may be strengthened and healed by the power of faith and the laying on of hands as commanded by the servants in the last days for this a special purpose do we bless and consecrate this oil in the name of Jesus Christ amen. After this a large tablespoon was brought forth and filled with the consecrated oil which latter was poured down the throat of the patient. She was then thoroughly anointed the oil not being applied by the tip of the finger as in extreme unction but poured upon her much after the fashion described by King David when he says the precious fluid ran down the beard of Aaron and saturated all his clothing. The patient however was patient indeed. To her it was no idle form. She was newly converted and her heart was burning with zeal and faith. Perhaps the reader may think that this had much to do with the success of the operation as probably it had. However this might be the elders who while they anointed her had mingled prayers and benedictions above her head now once more united in fervent supplication and then laid their hands upon her according to the letter of the scripture. There was something peculiar about this laying on of hands. It was not a mere gentle touching but a thorough manipulation. The two hands were placed firmly on the top of the head and then drawn energetically down the body while vigorous passes as magnetizers called the action were made repeatedly over the affected parts. These prayers and manipulations were made for very nearly three hours when the elders engaged in the work for work it was were thoroughly exhausted. One of them then placing his right hand on the head of the sufferer suddenly blessed her in the name of the Lord told her that her sins were forgiven her that the evil spirits who had afflicted her were cast out that the infirmity and disease which for five long years had kept her bound upon the bed of sickness was rebuked and would torment her no more and bade her be strong in the faith and be of good cheer for God would raise her up. Watching all this as I was believing all this as I did my heart filled with joy at the manifestation of heavenly power which I expected to witness. I must nevertheless acknowledge that a feeling of wonder pervaded my mind when I saw Sister Armstrong who for so many years had been unable even to turn in the bed by herself stretch forth her poor bony arm all unassisted and say to one of the elders give me your hand brother one of the brethren put forth his hand and took hers saying as he did so have faith have faith Sister Armstrong while the brother who had recently blessed her repeated the prayer of faith shall save the sick and God shall raise him up Sister Armstrong who an hour before could not unaided have changed her position now grasping the elders hand raised herself up in the bed she looked upon us with a smile of triumph for a moment faith was triumphant but nature asserted her immutable laws and the next instant the poor sister sank gently back upon the pillows and closed her eyes we thought that she was dead the room was cleared of all but those immediately connected with the sufferer and I on account of my new position as Elder Stenhouse's wife was allowed to remain Sarah and her younger sister applied such simple restoratives as came conveniently to hand and we were soon satisfied that Sister Armstrong had only fainted and who could wonder at it I sat there not far from the bed lost in astonishment at what I had seen and wondering whether what Elder Bronson had said was true that in a day or two at furthest she would be quite well to me it was all a mystery I knew then nothing of the miraculous power of faith not religious faith but often just the reverse which has so often relieved and cured diseases and infirmities which have baffled the power of the most skillful physicians moreover I knew nothing then of that peculiar magnetic power which scientific men now have proved belongs to certain constitutions and can be used for curative purposes so in the childlike simplicity of my heart I nailed down and thankfully poured forth my gratitude to God that he had permitted me to witness this wonderful manifestation of his power and love as I rose from my knees I saw standing just by me and intently watching my movements a young girl little more than a child who was destined in after years to cross my path more than once and whose sisterly affection I shall ever cherish among the treasures of my heart she wore a light summer dress with little or no ornament and indeed she needed none while on her head was a little coquettish hat of the prettiest and most becoming style her hair was bright and golden such hair as I have never seen except in pictures and on one or two extremely rare occasions and her eyes I could not tell the deep deep love charming engaging beauty which beamed from them the reader may think perhaps I am romancing a little but I do assure him that when I first saw that young girl in all the heavenly beauty of budding maidenhood I could hardly persuade myself for a moment that I was not dreaming after the fashion of some fairy story years passed away years of anxious cruel trial to us both and now how changed we are she then a pretty gentle fairy queen I a new maid bride hardly out of my teens what are we both now she came right up to me and said sister stenhouse you don't know me but I have seen you often and I like you very much yes and I want to talk to you yes dear I said and I kissed her on both cheeks and she looked pleased in her simplicity she thought it was a great honor to be noticed by a missionaries wife then we sat down together and she told me all about herself how her father was a wealthy man a doctor in good practice and with property beside how he had accidentally met with a Mormon gentleman a man of education and position for many such joined the church before the blighting doctrine of polygamy was promulgated how that his arguments and Bible proofs had been so convincing that her father had been baptized and had cast in his lot among the saints how that he being called away on business had left her with a maiden aunt who did not belong to the Mormon church and who would not let her come to see sister Armstrong anointed and how she had quietly crept out unnoticed and would now have to return quite alone no I said I will go out with you and see you safe home but you must not come out all by yourself in this way again she kissed me with a little comical smile dancing on her lips as much as to intimate that whatever I might sagely suggest she would after all be pretty certain to have her own way I saw my young friend safely to her father's house and then I went home myself thinking of her childish beauty and winning ways and pondering over what I had witnessed the next morning Sarah called in to see us she told us that her mother had had a calm and peaceful night and had been much refreshed that when she awoke she insisted upon being washed dressed and was now sitting up with my new acquaintance Mary Burton talking to her I could hardly believe this could be true so I put on my bonnet and went to see there sure enough was sister Armstrong very pale and evidently very weak but quite another woman no one could have recognized her the muscles of her face were no longer contracted and she sat there straight enough for a woman of her age I could scarcely believe my eyes the poor old lady seemed glad to see me and it did my heart good to hear her talk of the mercies of God as we talked Mary came near and put her hand in mine I stooped down and touched her cheek gently and kissed her you did not even tell me what your other name was dear I asked no sister Stenhouse but I told you everything else my name is Mary Burton she replied but you must call me only Mary I stooped down and kissed her again that was my only answer then she arose from the stool on which she was sitting and said I must leave you for a few minutes please I promised to go back directly when I'd seen how Mrs. Armstrong was but I'll return soon and with a little whimsical nod and an imperative wave of the hand she tripped away after this I saw plenty of the gift of healing and the working of miracles some cases were not quite so successful as that which I have described then we were told the fault was in our want of faith that cures were really affected no one who has been present on such occasions could possibly doubt that they were miracles in the sense in which we generally use that term I do not for a moment believe but I think that in cases where the efforts of the elders were successful scientific inquiry would readily show that the effects were only natural results of natural causes one brother a deacon in the church was suddenly attacked with cholera he sent immediately for Elder Stenhouse it matters not what the disease may be the same means are employed young and old of both sexes are treated alike from measles to cholera morbis from toothache to blindness from whooping cough to deafness and from headache to possession by devils the same prescription serves for every one and so satisfied are the saints that this is the only right way to affect a cure that until very recently to send for a physician would have been accounted a sin doubting the promises of God want of faith in the case of the deacon to whom I have just alluded the experiment was successful another missionary happened to be in South Hampton at that time and he was with Elder Stenhouse when the messenger arrived they were both much surprised for they had seen the sick man only an hour and a half before he set off at once and found him in such a state that he could hardly be recognized they immediately anointed him with oil administering a good dose internally then laid hands on him and prayed for him but the cholera maintained its hold the two missionaries were full of zeal and were determined not to yield to the terrible disease from early evening to the following morning at daybreak they continued to anoint the brother and to lay hands on him praying for his recovery probably thirty times during the night in their rough but expressive language they had a regular battle victory at length crowned their efforts the disease was mastered but they themselves were utterly prostrated by the physical and mental exertions of the night the saints regarded this as a great miracle but unbelievers would doubtless wonder why if it was done by the power of God as the elders asserted it had cost so much exertion on the part of man I however simply state the facts as they fell under my own observation and I may add that during that same night in the same block of low tenement buildings five persons died of that dreadful scourge on the following day an enthusiastic sister came running to Elder Stenhouse to ask him to come and lay hands upon her husband who had also been attacked by the cholera she was a woman of great faith or thought she was and she had no doubt what a wonderful miracle would be wrought even in the midst of the affliction at home she was perfectly jubilant over the idea that the power of the priesthood would be demonstrated she had called in several of her neighbors before the elders arrived when the elders reached the house the livid countenance of the sufferer told plainly that he was very far gone Elder Stenhouse laid his hands upon him in the usual way but instead of commanding the disease to depart as it was expected he would he prayed that the afflicted brother himself might pass away in peace the head of the dying man instantly fell back upon his pillow and all was over the bereaved woman was almost petrified with surprise and disappointment and the unexpected change which had made her a widow Elder Stenhouse could only answer that there was no virtue in him he had no faith at that moment to heal anyone the former exercise of the gift had exhausted him there was perhaps more truth in his answer than he himself imagined the poor woman of whom I have spoken must have been greatly distressed when she saw the promise of miraculous assistance upon which she had so confidently relied fail her in such an unexpected manner but she was not alone in her disappointment many a man and woman who believed that the laws of nature would be reversed and the decrees of the Almighty set aside because their faith was strong and they expected God to act in such and such a way made shipwreck of their hopes as this poor woman did upon the quicksands of a false expectation my husband and myself were invited to take tea at the house of a brother in Southampton the brother's name was Isles and he and his wife had a child who had been very seriously ill for nearly three weeks Mr. Stenhouse had frequently administered to him by the laying on of hands on the evening to which I allude the child appeared to be much better and he even sat up to the tea table perched child like upon his high chair and in accordance with his own earnest request we all thought that he was doing very nicely after tea and just when we were about to leave Sister Isles said Brother Stenhouse, please lay your hands upon my babe and ask the Lord to bless him that he may have a refreshing sleep tonight my husband complied and began by praying that the child might rest well when suddenly as if by an irresistible impulse he implored that the child might die easily and without pain I instinctively glanced at the mother and our eyes met she looked as if frozen to the heart and in a moment we knew that the child was dying not painfully but calmly and peacefully as if he were going to sleep the poor mother wept piteously but my husband bade her not trouble the last moments of the dying child in a few moments all was over and I and probably the mother too asked mentally this also is the age of miracles is the Lord's hand shortened that he cannot save or his ear heavy that he will not hear we had yet to learn that the thoughts of God are beyond the comprehension of man since those times when the spirit of enthusiasm and religious zeal animated the Mormon missionaries and teachers and stirred up the saints who listened to them to emulate in faithfulness to the teachings of the early church a great change has come over everything connected with the doctrines which were then taught and practiced several years after the occurrence of the events which I have just narrated when we had been for a considerable time resident in Salt Lake City our faith in the miraculous gift of healing was still so strong that we suffered one of our children to lie almost at the door of death in medical assistance and when at length love for our suffering child overcame to a certain extent our scruples it was under protest and with many an effort to silence the voice of a falsely accusing conscience that my husband reluctantly went for the physician now so great are the changes which the influx of Gentiles and more intimate contact with the advanced civilization of the age have produced there is not one of the most pious leaders of the church including brother Brigham who but a very little while ago denounced such a course as the first step towards rank apostasy who would not call in if it appeared needful the very best medical assistance whether Mormon or Gentile which could be procured and yet Brigham despite his notorious inconsistencies lays claim to an infallible priesthood the saints in theory still cling to the first teachings of the church but if the truth must be told not only does iniquity abound but the love of many has waxed cold End of Chapter 5 Chapter 6 of Tell it all by Fanny Stenhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain the first whisperings of polygamy about three months after our marriage it was rumored that four of the twelve apostles had been appointed to foreign missions and were then on their way to England the saints in Britain had been for several years without any missionaries direct from the body of the church and the announcement of this foreign mission was hailed with joy I confess to experiencing much pleasure at the thought of becoming acquainted with the living apostle how often in my girlhood had I wished that I had lived when men inspired of God walked the earth what a joy I thought it would have been to have listened to the wisdom of such teachers now the time was near when I should realize all the happiness of my daydreams when I should really have the privilege of conversing with those chosen men of God the invitation therefore to meet at the conference in London on the first of June was very welcome intelligence it must not however be supposed that I expected to find in them anything which would place them out of the ordinary pale of humanity I knew that the apostles of our Lord were very ordinary men who in their day pursued the common avocations of life their charm and glory consisted only in the fact that the spirit of God rested upon them in all their ways these men who now were coming to England were I firmly believed as true apostles as anyone who ever saw Christ in the flesh but they like the chosen ones of old also had the gift of inspiration and were consecrated and set apart specially by direct revelation from on high to perform a great and glorious work but though I did not expect to find them differ either in appearance or in ordinary conversation much from their brethren I expected to find in them grave and very earnest men and I certainly did experience a sense of disappointment when in all their conversation and in all their doings I found that American prophets and apostles were after all very much like other men we went to the London conference my husband and I and there for the first time I met with apostles who were also prophets and priests and high priests and teachers and elders and deacons all assembled in solemn convocation the four apostles whom I met at that time were John Taylor, Lorenzo Snow, Erastus Snow and Franklin D. Richards pleasant and agreeable men and with all very fair specimens of Mormon missionaries who had found favour in the eyes of Brigham Young and Zion and who had been promoted accordingly they lived comfortably wore the finest broadcloth fashionably cut and were not averse to gold chains and charms and signet rings and other personal adornments they put on no particular heirs were as polite and attentive to ladies as gentlemen always are and could go to a theatre or any other place of amusement without hesitation I afterwards discovered that in one particular at least if not in all they resemble the early apostles for they too could like Saint Paul lead about a sister without any compunctions of conscience at that time I had not become acquainted with the Mormon mystery of godliness and was far from suspecting these pleasant American apostles of having even the slightest inclination to imitate King Solomon or the patriarchs in their domestic habits that was to be a discovery of later date I do not care to describe this London conference as it was very much like any other meeting of the same kind it had been specially called for the purpose of welcoming the four newly arrived apostles Saints from every part of Britain were assembled and a good deal of enthusiasm was manifested hymns and prayers were interspersed speeches and business details of all kinds were fully entered into the Southampton Saints had hitherto formed only a branch of the London conference but it did not form a conference of their own it was now resolved that since so large a number had recently been baptized in Hampshire the several branches of the church there should be organized into a special conference at Southampton with Elder Stenhouse as its president the Sunday following was appointed for that purpose when the Apostle Snow en route to Italy to which country he had just been appointed missionary would honor the occasion with his presence as we returned some gentlemen in the same railway carriage to while away the time I suppose entered into a religious discussion what the subject was I do not now remember but I can recollect that a good deal was said as to which of the numerous Christian sects really possessed divine authority Elder Stenhouse took an active part in the argument and being like all the Mormon missionaries at that time very well posted in scriptural discussions he attracted considerable attention and was much complimented by several persons present the Apostle Lorenzo Snow was silent all the time but he took note of all that passed Elder Stenhouse was a man of great zeal and untiring energy qualities in which perhaps Brother Snow felt himself a little deficient and he was going on a mission which required unflagging devotion and perseverance we had not been an hour at home before he told my husband that the Lord had thrice revealed to him that he should accompany him to Italy how often even while I still clung to Mormonism did it appear strange to me that the revelations of distinguished saints should so frequently coincide with their own personal wishes and come at such convenient times I had laid aside my travelling dress and was hastening to provide some refreshment for the Apostle when my husband came and told me of the revelation which had been so opportunally received I was at that time as much an enthusiast as Elder Stenhouse himself and I felt honoured that my husband should be the first English Elder appointed to a foreign mission here was the fulfilment of my ambition that we should be in the forefront of the battle and should obtain distinction as zealous servants of God but at what cost was this ambition purchased my poor weak heart sickened at the thought I had been but four months married when the Apostle asked me if I were willing that Elder Stenhouse should go to Italy I answered yes though I felt that my heart would break I remembered that in my first transport of joy and gratitude after being baptised I had made a covenant with the Lord that I would do anything which he might require of me and I dare not rebel or break that vow O the agony that fell upon my young heart it seemed that the weight of a mountain rested upon it when I was told that my husband might be five years absent he had already been five years a travelling Elder without a home trusting for daily bread to the voluntary kindness of the saints he had laboured faithfully and looked forward to the day when his conference should be established and he could count upon an improvement in his temporal position and an early call to amigrate to Zion in the few months that I had been his wife it was only natural that I should share his hopes but just at the moment when they were about to be realised hopes and expectations were scattered to the winds on the following day the saints assembled the South Hampton Conference was organised and Elder Stenhouse elected its president ten minutes later he was publicly appointed by the Apostle on a mission to Italy in one short year what changes I had seen I had relinquished a happy home in France and forsaken the friends of my youth I had set aside an alliance that promised wealth and honour to embrace a faith that was everywhere ridiculed and to cast in my lot among a people universally regarded as dupes and fools I had married a missionary Elder who could offer me nothing but toil and privation and now to complete the changes of an eventful year my husband was about to leave me probably for five years and in fact it was very possible that I might never see him again all this for faith a faith no doubt mistaken but certainly sincere during the few days which intervened between the time when Elder Stenhouse received his appointment to the hour of his departure I enjoyed but little of his society arranging the affairs of the conference which he was leaving and preparation for his mission fully occupied his attention I do not think we either of us uttered a word when alone together respecting the future that was before us it was probably better that we did not there are moments of our life when silence is better than speech and it is safer to trust in the mercy of God than to try to shape our own destiny the saints are noted for the fraternal spirit which exists among them there are of course exceptions but as a rule every Mormon is willing to help his brother in the faith acting upon the principal one is your master even Christ and ye are all brethren the Southampton Saints were no exception to this rule but showed their kindness both to my husband and myself in a thousand little ways I have spoken of my unhappiness during that week of preparation but I must not forget that there were gleams of hope in the darkness one occasion I shall never forget a picnic which our friends held as a kind of phallidictory feast in order of the missionaries of Elderston House in particular right up the Southampton River not far from Netley Abbey is a pleasant and picturesque spot named Bitterne which I need not to particularly describe although the memory of its beauty recalls recollections of mingled sadness and pleasure to my mind there my parents now lived and thither it was proposed our friends should go they could obtain all they needed for the picnic at my father's house and we could take our good things into the woods and enjoy ourselves as we pleased we had a very happy time for the moment even I forgot the cloud that was hanging over me and our dear friends not only enjoyed themselves to the utmost but seemed bent upon making the time pass pleasantly to everyone else I had been talking to Sister White about the recent doings of the Saints the establishment of the conference and the sending away of Elderston House I wanted Sister White as in fact I wanted everyone else to think that I was perfectly happy in the separation and that I counted my feelings as a wife as nothing when placed in the balance against my duty as a missionary and I tried to impress upon her how proud I was that my husband should be the first English elder entrusted with a foreign mission we talked together a great deal she was still quite a young woman though married and the mother of four darling little children but probably she had a better experience than I had and could see through my attempts to stifle my natural feelings while at the same time she sympathized with me she spoke very kindly to me and as we talked we wandered inadvertently away from the rest of the party suddenly she thought of her little boy and mother-like thinking he might be in danger ran off to find where he was promising to come back immediately I sat down upon the grass to await her return I was somewhat excited by the conversation which had passed between us but as I sat musing my agitation began to cool down and I was soon lost in thought and did not notice that I was not alone I did not hear the light footsteps near me and did not see my fairy friend as I called her past between me and the sun but a tiny hand was laid gently on my shoulder and looking up I saw the loving eyes of Mary Burton looking straight down into mine where have you been dear I asked why I have hardly seen you all day but I knew you were here she said and I thought you were alone and I wanted to see you and talk with you come and sit down beside me Mary I said and let us have a little chat together then I drew her gently towards me and she sat down by my side for a few moments we said nothing but I was watching her and waiting to hear what she would say she seemed such a pretty such a sweet and gentle girl more like one of those little birds of glorious plumage and thrilling song that we seek littering among the dew drops and the dancing leaves than a child of earth and I pitied her for her beauty for such beauty is a snare and I wondered whether her innocent soul was as fair and glorious before God as her face was sweet to me and I asked whether in years to come when the glory of her childish radiance had passed away the brightness of a soul pure and serene would lend a new beauty to her features the beauty not of childish innocence but of noble womanhood I took her hand in mine and asked her some trifling question but she did not answer suddenly she looked up full into my face and said, sister Stenhouse I'm very very sorry for you sorry for me dear I asked why should you be sorry I am not sad you shouldn't say so, she replied you know in your heart you are sad even though you don't say so it's a fine thing no doubt for Elder Stenhouse to go away though for my part I'd rather stop at home if I loved anyone there and at any rate you must feel sorry that he's going away so far if you love him but Mary I said you know it is his duty to go and he has been called to it by the apostle and it is a great honor oh yes I know that she replied I know that then we relapsed into silence for some few moments presently drawing nearer to me she said again quite suddenly sister Stenhouse do you know the meaning of the word polygamy why what a funny question to ask me child I exclaimed child you call me sister Stenhouse but I'm not a child at least not quite a child I shall be 15 next birthday well dear I said I did not mean to offend you and I call you child because I love you but you asked me such a strange question and used such a strange word this was quite true for at the time the word polygamy was as seldom used as the word polyandry or any other word signifying a state of things with which we have nothing to do I'm not offended she said only people have a way of treating me as if I were only such a very little girl I suppose I look so she certainly did look so and I suppose she read my thoughts womanhood by and by brought her more of reality both in face and figure as well as in the terrible facts of life but at that time the term little fairy which I have so often used respecting her seemed the most appropriate the meaning of that terrible word polygamy she understood in later years fully as well as I did well dear I said why did you ask me that strange question you must promise not to be angry with me if I tell you she answered and yet I think you ought to know I readily promised what could I have refused her and she said the other day two of the sisters were at our house I may not tell you their names for fear of making mischief and they were talking together between themselves and did not notice that I was present or else they didn't care and I heard one of them tell the other one that she had heard secretly that in Zion men were allowed to have many wives and she used that word polygamy very often and said that was what the people of the world called it well Mary dear I replied that is no great secret we have all heard that said before wicked people who hate the gospel say that and a great deal more in order to bring scandal upon the church ah but I haven't told you all she said the sisters had a long talk about it I explained who they heard it from and it was from no one outside the church and then one of them said that Elder Stenhouse had heard all about it and knew it was true only of course he did not talk about such things yet but that the time would come when everyone would acknowledge it and all the saints would have many wives I was frightened when I heard this and very angry for I thought of you and I spoke to her and said it was all untrue and I'd asked Elder Stenhouse and they scolded me very much for saying so and said it was very wicked for a child to listen and that was why I did not like you to call me child well darling I said I'll not offend you anymore in that way and it was very good of you to tell me anything you thought I ought to know then I kissed her and continued but after all I don't think it's of any consequence it's the old scandal just as in the early days they said wicked things of Christ and his apostles Elder Stenhouse knows all that people say and he has told me time and again and again that there is not a word of truth in it and I believe him you think so sister Stenhouse she replied and I suppose I ought to think so too but if it's all false how did people first begin to think of it people don't say that the Mormons are murderers or thieves because we have given them no reason to think so then why should they think of such an unheard of thing as polygamy surely there must have been some reason don't you think so no dear I answered Elder Stenhouse says that some very wicked men have sometimes joined the church and have done all manner of shocking things so that they had to be cut off and then they went about trying to make other people believe that the Mormons were as wicked as they were there was John C. Bennett who lived a frightful life at Nauvoo and then tried to make out that Joseph Smith was as bad as he was and Marsh the president of the twelve apostles and Orson Hyde whom they apostatized not only said bad things of Joseph but took affidavit and swore solemnly for the magistrates that the prophet had been guilty of the most fearful crimes I kissed her again and she said well perhaps you are right but I could see that in her heart she was not convinced then we talked of ourselves and all that interested us and she told me all her childish hopes and ambitions and to me young as I was myself it was pleasant to listen to her innocent prattle she promised to come and see me when Elder Stenhouse had gone and I should be left alone and when we got back to the rest of the party we were as firm friends as if we had known each other a lifetime at midnight Saturday June 15th 1850 the steamer left Southampton for Hav de Grasse bearing on board the first two Mormon missionaries to Italy one of them was my husband the saints had called in the evening to bid Elder Stenhouse good-bye and as he was of course to travel without purse or script they vied with each other in showing their appreciation of his position and his devotion to the faith the poorest among them would not be denied the privilege of contributing their mites to aid in the conversion of the Italians and none of the brethren felt that they could show too much kindness to the departing missionary just in this way have all the foreign missions of the Mormon Church been projected and sustained the elements of success were always present devotion and self-abnegation on the part of the missionaries and an earnest self-sacrificing disposition on the part of the people commanding respect however erroneous or foolish the foundation of their faith in the bustle of departure Mr. Stenhouse seemed never to have a thought about himself and certainly he made no preparation for me I had full confidence in him however and loved him devotedly and knew that my love was returned but men who look for miracles and count upon special providences for daily bread are not generally very prudent or far-seeing in their domestic arrangements Elder Stenhouse had been told that the Lord would provide and it therefore seemed to him superfluous that he should interfere it would have been a lack of faith to have shown too much interest in what might become of me he left me with only one pound I now realized the loneliness of my position there was no earthly friend to whom I could turn for sympathy at a time like this before my heavenly Father alone I could pour out the bitterness of my soul and all my griefs and in his presence weep and pray End of Chapter 6 Chapter 7 of Tell It All by Fanny Stenhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain My husband's mission I am left alone When the Apostle Snow called upon Mr. Stenhouse to go to Italy he willingly accepted the responsibility of providing for me during his absence They thought it was more an honour than a burden to have this charge committed to them but it was very humiliating for me to be placed in such a position however anxious they might be to assist me and to serve the general cause To face opposition or to give my all for my religion I was willing indeed but to depend upon others for my daily bread I was overly repugnant to my feelings although of course if the church sent away my husband whose proper place and duty it was to support his family it was only right that the members of the church should undertake the responsibility But then and at many other times during my life I have learned the truth of Christ's precept it is more blessed to give than to receive The American Apostle was not without worldly wisdom and he opposed that an unmarried man should be appointed to preside over the Southampton Conference as his wants would be few But if Mr. Stenhouse had been solicited by a friend who had a wife and children to secure his appointment and with ready confidence in that friend he overlooked his own interests and my welfare and I was left to pass through trials and privations which I can never forget The saints were very kind and took pleasure in doing all they could for me but the mistake which my husband committed in leaving his friend to succeed him as president of the conference was soon apparent The friend thought of his own family first and the family required all that the saints could reasonably be expected to contribute and even then they had not enough I therefore received only such little sums as could be withheld from them and to make the matter worse those who had any property or estate were counseled to sell all and gathered to Zion The more wealthy saints were soon gone and the current expenses of the church fell heavily upon those who were hardly able to support their own families They tried to send me something every week and I have no doubt they did send me all they could When their contributions reached four or five shillings about one dollar I thought myself fortunate More often I did not receive the value of fifty cents in the whole week at times less and sometimes nothing at all That unfailing comfort to respectable English poverty a cup of tea was my greatest luxury but at times for weeks together I had not even that I had nothing but bread But I never complained Whenever it was possible I concealed my true situation from everyone and in my almost daily letters to my husband not a shadow of a hint was ever dropped relative to my own privations I wanted him to be successful in his mission and I feared that his energy would desert him with my difficulties I was in extreme poverty certainly but for myself I was not in trouble God would provide for me I felt and it was glorious to suffer in a sacred cause But darker days days of severe trial were creeping slowly near me Up to this time I had worshipped God and loved my husband with a perfect heart Now the dark shadow of an accursed thing was looming in the distance but approaching surely if slowly The strange suggestions made by darling little Mary Burton at the picnic were not the first whisperings that I had heard of a probable change in our faith and practice respecting marriage though I did not care to tell her so Others had spoken in my presence of the same subject but I had not believed them I had questioned my husband and his answers had reassured me Although polygamy was utterly denied by the missionaries in Europe yet long before it was openly avowed a great deal was written and said on the subject Joseph Smith whatever he said and did in private always denied it in public and after his death the leaders of the church followed his example In some way however an idea had got abroad that the Mormons were somewhat unsound respecting the marriage question Still the elders stoutly denied the charge and the more they were accused the more strenuous became their denials At a public discussion at Boulogne, Soumaire and France the Apostle John Taylor in reply to the accusations of polygamy which were brought against him said We are accused here of actions the most indelicate and disgusting such as none but a corrupt and depraved heart could have contrived These things were too outrageous to admit of belief I shall content myself with quoting our views of chastity and marriage from a work published by us containing some of our articles of faith doctrine and covenants He then proceeded to quote from the Book of Doctrine and Covenants such passages as the following Marriage is ordained by God unto man wherefore it is lawful that he should have one wife and they twain should be one flesh He quoted many other things also among which might be enumerated the following Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart and shall cleave unto her and none else He quoted also many other passages of Scripture which had reference to the subject each powerful to put aside even the idea of polygamy and each equally powerful as an argument against polygamy itself Let the reader here note the value of what Mormons say when their faith is called in question See and judge Brother Taylor who spoke at that meeting and utterly denied polygamy had himself at that very moment when he so atrociously perjured himself and when he swore that no Mormon had more than one wife five wives living in Salt Lake City One of his friends their present had two wives and the other was married to a mother and her own daughter Any conclusion, any expression of disgust at these abominations and deliberate perjuries I leave to the reader Among those who came to see Mr. Stenhouse before he left for Italy was Elder Margits an English elder of some prominence in the British mission At the picnic of which I have already spoken I noticed that this elder was more than usually attentive to a pretty young sister who was also present There was always an affectionate familiarity among the saints as I previously mentioned They were like brothers and sisters and addressed each other as such But the attentions of the elder I speak of pointed a little beyond all this He could not perhaps be accused of any open impropriety but he certainly looked much more like the girl's lover than an ordinary friend or her spiritual advisor I knew this elder's family in London and his conduct pained me a good deal So I drew the attention of my husband to the circumstance and he said the elder was foolish but he would speak to them both and this he did After the departure of the missionaries this elder remained for several days He then returned to London but it was not long before he was again in Southampton and he still paid market attention to the same young sister This caused unpleasant remarks among the saints but this time certainly did not believe that polygamy was practiced in Utah At a later date this elder with some others was again in Southampton and I was invited to take tea with them at the house of one of the saints In the course of the evening there was a general conversation on the work of the Lord in which I of course was greatly interested Whenever any of the missionaries were visiting the saints would seek their society just like children who were glad to meet again their parents after a long absence and at such times they were at liberty to ask what questions they pleased On the evening I speak of I well remember that the general subject of conversation was the apostasy of the Christian church from the true order of God's salvation Prominence was given to the history of Abraham and his descendants and occasional illusion was made to their marital relations and nothing directly was spoken It was very evident that these elders only wanted to drop a word or two here and there to suit those who wanted it but nevertheless they spoke so obscurely and mysteriously that they could easily have retracted what was said if anyone had accused them of teaching a doctrine which they were unwilling openly to avow When I returned home that night I was fully satisfied that the elder I have spoken of had a reason for his frequent visits to Southampton and shortly after the young sister went to London Whether polygamy was ever to be a doctrine of the church or not it was very clear to me that the London elder was a polygamist at heart The more my mind dwelt on these things the more sick at heart I did become and faint and weary I had however personal cares and trials enough to engage my attention I found that I could not depend upon the saints to provide me with even the barest necessities of life so I looked about me and made enquiries for some light employment by which I might support myself My health at that time would not have allowed me to do much but for a long time I could not get anything at all to do I had of course been used to teaching but employment of that kind it was just then impossible for me to take even if I could have got it The only resource which seemed left to me was to find occupation for my needle and it was a long and weary time before I could obtain even this At length I got a little plain sewing to do and out of the miserable pittance thus earned I contrived to pay my rent and provide a few necessaries but at times that too was beyond my power and I have gone a fortnight at a time with nothing to eat but dry bread Still my faith never failed and thus the weary days passed by Now however a new interest began to gather round my life for I expected before the end of the year the arrival of a little stranger my affections and my care This certainly was a sad beginning of domestic bliss but still the thought was pleasant to me I had at that time no one to aid me or comfort me The saints were very kind but they could not supply the place of an absent husband My dearest friend Mary Burton used to come as often as she could to see me and her presence was like a gleam of sunshine but she was so young and innocent and happy that I had not the heart to trouble her with my sorrows All my jewelry and trinkets and the greater part of my wardrobe had gone in providing for my daily wants and in preparing those necessary trifles upon which a young mother bestows so much loving care My health was daily failing and sometimes I doubted if I should ever be well and strong again but all that I suffered was for the church but that thought sustained me Often I would sit alone and think think of the past and all my early day dreams of love and hope and bliss think of my husband in a far off land devoting his life and all his energies to the preaching of the latter day glory think of those whisperings of that accursed doctrine which has since brought desolation and anguish to the hearts of so many weary women of my future life, dark as its promise even then appeared Sometimes I heard from Italy heard how my husband was progressing with his work and with wifely love I sympathized with him in all his difficulties for he told me how arduous the task was in which he was engaged It was not the expectation of the Mormon apostles that the missionaries would do much in Catholic Italy The same causes were in operation as affected the work in France Few if any really good Roman Catholics have ever joined the saints The Irish mission was never successful and the same may be said of the French and Italian missions In France and Italy by far the greater part of the people might be classed under two heads Roman Catholics and Infidels The first already had an infallible guide in which they trusted and as for the Infidels they ridiculed the idea of any guide at all Both classes were utterly devoid of that acquaintance with scripture of which Mormon missionaries understood so well how to take advantage and rendered them so susceptible to religious influences which took the Bible as their basis The missionaries in Italy soon experienced the difficulties presented by these facts After their arrival in Genoa Mr. Stenhouse was directed to carry the gospel to the Waldences those brave old Protestants of the Dark Ages who so manfully suffered even unto death for conscience's sake and sometime after he had begun his labors among them the Apostle Snow joined him Whatever they might believe or teach theoretically there can be no doubt that the American apostles were largely endowed with the organ of caution preaching without purse or script among people whether they test you as a heretic or else regard you with profound indifference is not a pleasant task and the Mormon apostles very prudently took up liberal collections in England before they started Had it not been for this common sense proceeding I am at a loss to say what would have become of the missionaries in Italy and as it was their lot was not a very enviable one Besides the scarcity of money the difficulty experienced by the missionaries was learning the language of their destined converts for many years it was supposed among the saints that the gift of tongues would be all sufficient for this purpose The two distinguished apostles Orson and Parley P. Pratt whose writings did so much for Mormonism had both of them eloquently discussed the subject in print but the missionaries soon discovered that for practical purposes the gift was not of much service and the two Prats themselves afterwards experienced the one in South America and the other in Austria the fallacy of their theories Without the gift in any shape the work in Italy was necessarily very slow and an elder who could speak a little French was sent out from London to assist them They had at last come to the conclusion that if the Lord would not bestow the gift upon them they must try to acquire it themselves The Apostle Snow now thought of sending the gospel to the Swiss and Mr. Stenhouse was selected for the work but before he went it was determined that the church in Italy should be organized and about a week later I received a long account of how this was done I heard how one pleasant November morning the Apostle Snow elders Stenhouse and Woodward together with several Waldens' whom they had converted ascended the mountainside contiguous to La Tour Pinarello There they sang praises and prayed they christened the place Mount Brigham and the stone upon which the three elders stood and offered up a written prayer they named The Rock of Prophecy and there they organized the church dedicating the soil of Italy to the Lord Moreover then and there my husband was solemnly consecrated a high priest after the order of the Son of God All this I heard and much more and in confiding faith that this was indeed a great and glorious work I rejoiced that I had been accounted worthy to suffer patiently at home if only my husband might successfully fulfill his task abroad After that I heard that he had left Italy and had arrived in Geneva believing that he would be more successful among the Swiss than the Italians A few days after the arrival of the missionary in Geneva an event occurred which interested my own self personally My little Clara was born Very happy was I when I looked upon her tiny little face for the first time and kissed her for being the prettiest baby in the world Very happy was I when I folded her in my arms and talked to her as if she could understand all that I said Very happy indeed as I looked at her again and again and marveled whether she really could be indeed and certainly my own baby girl It seemed as if baby's papa would never come back again but I had a companion now in my child and weak and weary as I was With new responsibilities and less power to help myself I found comfort in my new care and realized the truth of the old Scotch song Mukli licked her is the load when UV bears up the creel I was not now alone Then too came round to see me Mary Burton She was as fond and tender to me as ever and tripped quietly about the room and tried to wait upon me and sat by the bed playing with a baby calling her all the pretty things she could think of and I felt that her presence brought new light and life to my room She brought me another letter from my husband and I found that he was now acquiring for himself the gift of the French tongue unable to do much else as he and everybody didn't understand each other He could not yet talk to the French-speaking Genovese and the English-speaking residents would not listen to him They had only heard of Mormonism as a clumsy fraud and looked upon the Prophet Joseph Smith as an imposter So for a whole winter he sat shut up in his own room pouring over a French grammar and deploring his heart-fate in being denied the gift of tongues In the spring of the new year I received a distinguished visitor who kindly interested himself in my welfare The Apostle Lorenzo Snow left Piedmont for England and passed through Geneva en route On his way to England he called upon me at Southampton and expressed much sympathy for me He noticed the change in my appearance and immediately sent for Mr. Stenhouse to return to England He acted very kindly by me at that time did all that he could to assist me and said that he never again would ask any man to make such a sacrifice I fully appreciated his kindness But much as I wanted to I did not venture to ask him about the truth or falsity of those terrible suggestions which I had heard whispered of late My husband hastened home coming by way of Calais in order to meet his President and receive his instructions The Apostle showed much sympathy for him and very early in the morning accompanied him some miles to the railway station But he never once mentioned how I had been situated in Southampton until he left him and then he exacted from him a promise not to open his lips whatever he might learn I need not say that I was happy to see my husband once again and to present to him his little daughter who was now five months old He was of course soon busy in visiting the Saints and he received from them many tokens of attachment In the beginning of June a general conference of the branches of the church in Britain was held in London The apostles and foreign missionaries were present and my husband and I were also there We had speeches and prayers The business of the conference occupied but very few minutes for no measure was questioned Among the Mormons there are no opinions no discussion The presiding head has made out his program When he comes to the conference he knows what he wants to do and no one ever questions him He may perhaps, for Form's sake, invite the brethren to speak on any point he introduces but when he has furnished the clue to his wishes the elders who speak only spend their time in arguments in favour of his measures At the conference of which I speak the reports of the native elders were very cheering to us In England and Wales they had been most successful in adding members to the church Mormonism was then most successfully preached in Britain There were more Mormons there than in all Utah territory There were fifty conferences with over seven hundred organised branches and more than six thousand men ordained to the priesthood That peculiar influence which the Mormons call the spirit of which I have spoken elsewhere was spoken of by the elders as being a common experience everywhere During all that conference I listened carefully for a word from the lips of any of the speakers which might indicate in any way that polygamy was part of the Mormon faith but not a whisper, not a hint was uttered I naturally concluded that the elders whose doubtful expressions at Southampton had so troubled my mind were misinformed or unsafe men Still I could not altogether banish my apprehension of coming evil but so bound to secrecy were those who did know of polygamy being practised in Utah that there was not one who would admit to it and even my own husband's lips were sealed to me He did not deny it but he would not talk about it did everything he could to banish the thought from my mind At that conference the Apostle Snow spoke very strongly of the way in which I had been neglected and it was arranged that Elder Stenhouse should return to Switzerland and that I should accompany him My knowledge of French was expected to be very serviceable We now made preparations for an early departure and prepared to leave our friends To the reader it may seem strange for a man, his wife and babe to be sent out in this way on a mission without any proper arrangement for their maintenance but to my mind at the time it seemed to me not only perfectly proper but altogether in accordance with God's word and commandment My young friend Mary Burton came round to bid me goodbye and the poor girl wept and I wept with her and we kissed one another tenderly as our tears mingled We had become very dear to each other and the thought of separation for years or perhaps forever was very painful to us She hung about my neck at the last moment kissing me and begging me not to forget to write her very, very often and this I gladly promised her asking the same in return Then with the fond embrace we parted and it was years before I saw her dear face again Thus it was that we three my husband, my babe and myself set forth on our pilgrimage to convert the Swiss It was with no ordinary feelings that I entered the ancient city of Geneva I was not ignorant of its history and the struggles of its inhabitants for civil and religious liberty It had been the refuge for the English Protestants during the fiery days of Queen Mary Just as in the time of the French Revolution it was the refuge of Infidel and Papist royalist and republican alike where Calvin lived in gloomy austerity battling with Rome There Servitus, the Unitarian, was condemned to be roasted alive as a heretic and there we expected in our own humble way to be able to testify by our suffering and patience to what we firmly believed was the truth In free countries like England and the United States free from the surveillance of a military police it is easy if he wishes it for the missionary to mount a chair at a street corner or hold forth under a tree and such has often been done But all over continental Europe there is hardly a place where this would be possible In the various grand duchies kingdoms and empires paternal governments look too closely after the morals and religion of their subjects while under the ephemeral republics as long as they happen to last there is often to be found under the name of liberty a despotism more despotic than under the rule of royalty It is the coal porture the man of books and tracts who makes the converts there and in this slow way we soon found that we were destined to proceed During my husband's former stay in Geneva he had had neither Mormon books nor Mormon papers with the exception of a paper published at Boulogne containing a letter by the Apostle Taylor in French and English This single copy he lent to a Genovese to read and never saw it again and yet in a short time even before he could properly speak French he converted and baptized two men in the Rhône one of whom is today a devoted Mormon in southern Utah His first attack was upon a shoemaker whom he visited for the purpose of repairs While the shoemaker worked Elder Stenhouse talked and as the English are all reputed wealthy on the continent the friendly overtures of the Mormon missionary were graciously received As they grew intimate Elder Stenhouse would sit down on the bench beside the man as he worked and taking from his pocket a French testament which he always carried about with him would try to read it aloud the good-natured shoemaker undertaking to correct his pronunciation In this way he kept his auditor's attention constantly fixed upon certain passages more especially those which spoke of baptism for the remission of sins and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost So persistent was he Last the shoemaker's curiosity was awakened and finally he was baptized But unfortunately not long after a small pamphlet upon the mission of Joseph Smith fell into his hands and made a shipwreck of his faith With his second convert he was much more successful This time it was his landlord who was to be the subject of attack He was a tailor and fortunately for the missionary somewhat talkative The same arrangement was made about reading and correction and with a like result The tailor was baptized Just at this time came the Apostle Snow's letter telling my husband to return to England and as he might not leave the country without a representative he ordained the tailor a priest in the Mormon church When we arrived in Geneva M. Le Tellier was all that constituted the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Switzerland Soon a few personal friends began to gather to hear the English missionary tell about the new religion and my husband being very much an earnest interest before long began to be excited I remember well our first meetings Among the Swiss half a dozen people sitting round a table with open Bibles before them passages from which Mr. Stenhouse was trying in very bad French to make them understand I pitied him very much but those who were present made as if they did not notice his embarrassment and listened with market attention Among the Mormons it is a woman's duty to keep silence I therefore remained a listener only but at the close of the service for such it was regarded when I might speak my missionary labors began I was aroused to eloquence and our parting was longer than our meeting The warmth with which the few who were present responded to our efforts satisfied me that they had come under the same mysterious influence which I had observed in England I was then convinced that Mormonism could awaken the Christian soul more to a realization of what it already possessed than impart to it any new moral or religious qualities Mormonism of itself never made Christians but Christianity built up Mormonism It was an awakening to the teachings of Christ in his apostles that begat confidence in the mission of the Mormon prophet Although we observed at the very strictest economy it did not take long for us to exhaust what little money we brought from England This placed us in a very awkward position It is inconvenient enough to be without money in one's own country where one understands and is understood by everybody but to be in a strange land especially in a country like Switzerland where every Englishman is supposed to be a millor and the bounteous dispenser of unlimited wealth it is more than inconvenient We left our first quarters where we had had so many visitors and rented a room from a widow woman who fortunately was not inquisitive She had a family of children to support and as we paid our rent monthly in advance she had no occasion to know whether or not we kept a bank account and we were thankful that it was so for had it been so ordained we could there have starved to death without attracting the notice of any one a nice thing to be thankful for We were not hopeless though we were heavy-hearted but we had expected trial and could not complain for we knew from the beginning that thus it would probably be One day my husband received a letter from an infidel gentleman who lived in Lausanne a neighbouring Canton requesting him to come and see him that they might talk together over Mormonism for he had heard of us and of our doctrine and my husband resolved to visit him before our money was all gone When Mr. Stenhouse reached Lausanne he visited first a Protestant minister with whom he had some slight acquaintance and who was also interested in Mormonism and told him that he was going to call upon the Govenure de la Pétale The minister was greatly opposed to my husband visiting such a man He is a socialist, he said a revolutionist He fought at the barricades He is a mavo-sooyet and anything but a fit person to be spoken to about religion This only increased the interest which Mr. Stenhouse felt in the Govenor and made him more than ever determined to see him and he did see him although the good minister had represented him a si noir que la diable So they met and my husband began the work for which he had come They had long talks together and my husband as did the elders ever in such cases spoke to the governor of redemption through Christ and baptism for the remission of sins Faith is not an act of will like the unseen wind it comes and we see a power thereof but know not once it proceeds The unbelieving governor found it he might find himself no match for the arguments of his opponent but he could not force his heart to believe and he was by no means a willing convert My husband however remained with him and before he left the governor had been baptized into the church Our new convert proved to be a most excellent and worthy man not withstanding his former infidelity and he was subsequently a great aid to us in our mission We felt satisfied that the expenses of that journey had been well spent although a few francs at that time could ill be spared but our circumstances seemed to be getting worse and worse and my health began to fail For several months neither of us had had sufficient nourishment and my anxieties increased my physical weakness I was dispirited yet I feared to complain or even to let my husband know what I felt At length I was really ill and could not leave my bed I well remember the solemn silence that reigned in our home one day I had risen from my bed weak and oh so faint hearted that I had scarcely any desire to live and I was sitting with my little daughter in my arms She had cried herself to sleep cold and hungry and as much as I loved her nay, idolized her I confess that for an instant I harbored in my soul the impious and unnatural wish that rather than see my darling awake again too cold and hunger she might sleep her sweet young life away For me to yield to such a thought to wish my child to wake no more I who would have gladly given the last drop of my life blood to save her for me to look upon her innocent little face with such a thought I can hardly now believe that such a thing was possible even for a moment but I was desperate and bold and cowardly all at the same time or my heart was humiliated by poverty and my faith was rousing bitter thoughts in my mind my husband was pacing the room I knew too well all that was passing in his mind although we had been long silent at length I said to him take courage dear for we are the servants of the great God and surely he will find a means of escape for us we were sent here we came because the Lord wanted us to come and surely he will provide for us he turned to me in reply and said kindly we can at least have some water and he went for some water and then with as reverential feeling in his soul as ever inspired a grace before dinner he blessed it and we drank we had scarcely done so when the male courier brought a letter to our door Governor Studerman with a feeling of delicacy had hesitated when my husband visited him at Lausanne to offer him any assistance but he said in his letter that he had been impressed to do so and hoped that we should not be offended as the letter was opened a piece of gold fell upon the table we could hardly believe that God had so soon answered our prayers and sent us relief and our emotions of gratitude for this timely aid found expression in tears all this time our landlady knew nothing of our distress she was as ignorant of our situation as if she had never seen us so long as I was able to walk about I used it regular hours to go to the kitchen get the cooking utensils and go through the routine of cooking as if we had had a well-filled larder all the time I set the table with punctilious care and the good old widow never suspected but that we had plenty thus supposing that we wanted nothing she and her children were more than ordinarily kind to us and to our little girl who was now old enough to toddle round and go from room to room very often they would get her into their room at mealtime and give her little things to please her and while they felt honored in being permitted to do so we were silently thankful for our child's sake for her sufferings were more than we could endure the temporary aid from Lausanne was very welcome to us though it only served to make us feel more keenly our dependent position I might relate stories a last to true of cold and want of days and even almost an entire week past at one time without food stories which for painful detail would eclipse romance it was a weary waiting for providence such things are better forgotten and yet I feel that in after years my temper was more subdued and my mind more patient under affliction than it would have been had I not experienced this preparatory discipline people who have heard with a sneer of Mormon missionaries and their work would perhaps have realized that faith may be sincere although mistaken if they could have seen us at that time the first teachers of a doctrine whether it be good or evil if only it stems at the current opinions of the hour have ever found that at the end of a rocky way there was waiting for them a crown of thorns many a time since then I have felt the weight of anxious care in providing for my family the trial of our faith has not been light or seldom repeated but those days of trouble in Switzerland were I think the darkest that I ever experienced we realized literally the necessity of trusting to God's daily mercies for our daily bread and the assurance that the Lord would provide was our only hope to say that we practiced the strictest economy would be to give but a faint idea of the way in which we had to consider and contrive in order to exist at all for years we kept the word of wisdom a revelation of Joseph Smith which enjoined abstinence from wine, coffee, tea or in fact warm drinks of any kind and trifling as such self-denial may at first appear it was not really so when other privations were added there too for months at a time we existed for I dare not say lived without what are considered even by the poorest the most common necessaries I can even recall to mind one trying week in Switzerland when for the whole seven long days we had less than a pint of cornflour to live upon and that was chiefly reserved for our poor child as I look back to those dark, painful times I feel that it was by little short of a miracle that our lives were spared our faith alone saved us