 They say Valentine's Day is the one day that we demonstrate our love or we men demonstrate our love At least here in the United States, but as my sweetheart said to me the other day Valentine's Day should be every day. Remember that? Yes So what we're gonna talk about today is how men demonstrate their love in Relationship and I definitely want to differentiate between the early stages of dating versus those more seasoned Relationships because there is a big difference, right? Well, I would think so I mean, I feel like we're seasoned already Yeah, well what I mean is there's the early stage of dating where there's lust and limerence when and you've had the Experiences where guys have come on strong and they've disappeared, right? Well, you wait. Let me backtrack. You've never had a guy disappear. I'm sorry But certainly, you know that many of my followers have that happen No, and and I have had guys disappear, but But there's a difference in the early stages versus when it becomes a seasoned relationship How love how how well first off how a man shows up at how it feels to you a woman, right? Well for me, I Don't get attached very very quickly to anybody so So it's very different. Yeah, I you know, I appreciate any kind gestures and you know chocolates or you know chocolate strawberries could dive. I wish they were still around But those to sell You have to go to Belgium because they don't have them here anymore, but anyhow Yeah, you you appreciate the gestures, but you know to feel like the genuine affection and not just Treating Valentine's Day like the Hallmark holiday that it is for many people. Yeah You know, we're really talking about love in general and so differentiating you said something a moment ago I wanted to expand upon you don't get attached Quickly no, I never did and what's the benefit of that? Taking my time to really explore who this person is before I Invest myself into it. Yeah, but well, let's go deeper on what the benefit is though because if you think about it When you you connect with someone for the first time you feel the electricity you feel the excitement You can get attached to a person that may not be right for you And you know what it's happened that I've felt that attraction Okay, and then I sleep on it the next day. I'm like, yeah, this guy's not right for me Okay, but ultimately and this is something I stress upon for my clientele It's kind of something that's talked about in the book why men love bitches And let me just say well the title might be offensive to some people and I don't love everything about the book What I think bit stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes That's what I always say what I appreciate about you is you have this capacity to remain in your sovereignty In other words, you don't give your power away to a man So even if the early stages he might be love bombing he might be overly excited You kind of take it with a grain of salt or at least you did before you met me Of course, okay, I'm just getting here. So does I mean does that feel true for you? No, it does feel true. I don't I Just took my time. I just took my time in it Just because somebody is incredibly attractive and they're you know throwing themselves at you Doesn't mean that they're a good person and I was always looking for a really good human being Well, you know, it's something interesting about you and again I'm a dating a relationship coach and what I teach my clientele I've said to you you just naturally did so many of the things I teach in my private coaching So you didn't need my coaching. In fact, you wouldn't even probably sought out my coaching because you kind of innately Kind of kept your distance. You didn't get not when I say kept your distance You didn't get attached overly attached to someone but more importantly You kind of kept your as I said a moment ago your sovereignty your power. In fact, even in our relationship I've never I've not once seen you give your power away meaning make the other person's happiness So extreme that you're You're not how do I say this your happiness is dependent upon them. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. But you know not giving my power away was not It was more about I'm just not gonna expose my heart to just anybody so why would I what I do that I you know I just I needed to make sure that they were the right type of person for me But you know the refrigerator guy that I told you about oh, yeah, they were for oh the guy Yeah, yeah, yeah, so tell the story really quickly. It's a quick story So it's a guy that I met and then I realized that I knew him from the town where I read my kids and stuff And I knew of him and I had met him But you know, I thought okay, what the heck I'll have breakfast with them And then he asked me out to dinner we got to dinner and then then he wanted me to go to this Like this bar in in that town and it's you know, it's a very It's like a really affluent town and So they had remodeled this and and then I realized as we were walking in all he wanted to do was parade around in there With me and and I thought This isn't I'm like let's just sit at the bar and so we sat at the bar and somebody sent us a drink We ended up going to somebody else's table and I actually had a really nice time The next day I was babysitting my grandchildren I was busy, you know little kids You you just can't be on the phone or checking my phone Whatever and and I got a message that I didn't respond to and when I was driving home I look at my messages and I call them. He's like well, you didn't even respond to the message. I said Well, what was it? And he says you made the refrigerator like my pictures were all over his refrigerator and you had only one date or two days Well breakfast and then dinner. So okay, so meet and greet and then a date And he was supposed to he wanted to cook dinner because it was this great cook and it was that night That I said, yeah, this isn't gonna work for me. It's just I it just felt wrong He this guy was not the type of man that I wanted to be so there were other reasons to okay I'm sorry cut you off But I was gonna say that totally leans into what we're gonna talk about today because the way a man Genuinely shows his love when he actually cares is gonna operate differently when that guy is in that state of Excitement or infatuation or maybe I say lust or limerence because when it's lust base We're just driven by sex and when it's limerence base. It's often times and over in infatuation based on an insecurity so all right, so our Relationship happened rather quickly Right well it started rather slowly. Oh Yeah, that's right We talked in the phone for over a year before we actually met but I'm saying once we met it actually it Progressed rather quickly now that was partly because we had distance involved in the way We arranged it was we spent a lot of time together during the first two months Because you we both have flexibility in our schedules What I'm gonna lean in today is When a man genuinely shows he's really into you when a man genuinely shows that he's really in love with you I'm gonna ask you a question because we've talked about this before. What is the common feeling you experience? Pretty early on in our relationship. I Felt very safe. Okay, I feel I felt very safe to you know, just to expose my Just my life history. Yeah, and we unpacked it all We'll talk about that later. I was actually thinking of when something else you shared with me actually it was just even yesterday It's felt calm. I know safety is a reflection of calm But I feel like or you to let me let you do the talking here. What does calm feel like? I mean, obviously it feels safe, but can you describe in a little bit more of how you so You know when you feel your heart is calm you feel this sense of peace and contentment. Yeah, and And you don't you know, you can't tell on a first date or a meet and greet Right away, but as you get to know someone and you start feeling that that's when I have you know opened up So I'm gonna you haven't you don't know my notes on what I wrote today Okay, so I always spring this honor at the last minute folks and let me just say this forever when I watch is I know some people think I'm forcing her to be on here. Is that true? No, do you actually enjoy doing this? I do Even though I'm kind of exposing you to the general public so to speak. Yeah, I do and I'm very private about a lot of things So at first I was I didn't want to do this But you know the first time we did it I had a lot of fun and you know, thank you for everybody. That was very Welcoming and we got some really positive feedback. Yeah. Yeah We did some negative. Yeah, we got some negative stuff, but which I'm gonna talk about in a second because Coming back to That feeling of calm that feeling of safety that feeling of peace What I'm about to share in for the topic of this conversation is those three things that a man does To Demet to put you in that state and the first thing I'm gonna talk about today the number one for the first one is when a man is vulnerable and Do you remember when I shared with you a very private thing about me? I Want to say first off It's because of who you are that I felt this way So a man will become vulnerable when he feels safe with the right person So because I know let me just rant for let me do a rabbit hole for a second There were several me women I'd met prior to meeting you that I liked and I enjoyed their company But for some reason there was something uniquely different about you and because of that I felt safe enough to be vulnerable. Do you remember what I'm talking about? I do I have that feel when I shared that with you. Well, it was without giving the specifics something very deep and private and You know for another woman, it may have been a deal-breaker but you know I asked them the questions I needed to know and then that was it and But I really appreciated that he trusted me enough to tell me something that he had never shared with anybody else so Well, so that was really one of the first ways I demonstrated My safety my trust with you, which was the precursor to actually falling in love with you In fact the fact that you accepted something very personal to me and without judgment Allowed me to even go deeper into what I'm about to share next and the number two thing men do When they are deeply in love is that they're protective Yes Now let me just say this Protectiveness could feel like controlling am I right? Yes, okay. Do you want to elaborate? No, well in the beginning, you know in the beginning When when the protectiveness You know came into play. I was like, oh wait a minute. Okay. Is this What is it and you know because I think Can be can received or come across as controlling behavior But one of the you know women talk about men or excuse me in general Scientists and people talk about men or provider and protectors so it's almost innate in us the challenge is differentiating between controlling behavior and genuine care and I suspect It was because even though I was protected you felt safe Yes, I felt safe You know, it was it was just the adjustment of any relationship as well and you know, I've been independent for so long and And then I'm being asked questions about The flights and my stuff and it's like oh, yeah I'm like text me when you get home text me when you're in the air text me This is when she was flying over. I'm very protective and nervous too. So But you just said something You know as a relationship progresses. It's these little things that build up It's the little moments that build up to help us feel safe in a relationship And you said the most the keyboard was we talked about these things Yeah Like when I was being protective you brought it up to me how that felt for you and then we had a conversation about it Yes so And you know For a lot of women. I know that it's difficult to Bring up something to a man because there's a fear the man might run away Well, it's uncomfortable to bring up some things. Yeah, it's just uncomfortable Nobody wants to put yourself. You don't want to put yourself in a position where Where they might say something that is just and this is all gonna blow up when it was a minute thing in your mind But to a to the man it may be a really big issue. Yeah, so, okay Now you're currently reading my book by the way She hasn't finished it yet folks But the book is called what the heck a self love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work And by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book Why bring it up is chapter 9 says when you get to it says if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say or do the wrong thing when you're with the right person So what I feel is though you feel safe enough to speak from your heart and Because the way I've demonstrated those little moments. You're not fearful. I'm gonna run away No, I'm not here. I you know, I've always been very authentic and expressing overly authentic I'm giving but by the way the book I Feel like when I'm reading it, it's like it's like hearing you with your coaching calls. Is it really? Yeah Okay, so it Yeah, he's a very good coach. What is it? Where is it? Where's the there it is? That's where you contact him to By the way, I think what she's trying to say trust the lake here to schedule a free discovery call with me to see I'm working with the coaches right here. Thank you so much, sweetheart. So protectiveness I think folks when you've experienced a man who genuinely is protective not and again you have to differentiate between Caring for your safety versus trying to control you in the in their light. There's a big difference Ultimately as you said earlier everything. I'm sharing today You will feel a sense of calm. You'll feel a sense of safety. You'll feel a sense of peace That's how you know when a man genuinely loves you because the third thing is all boils down to his actions Because while a man can express, you know, the words I love you right deeply love you Ultimately is through those actions and in particularly in the early stage of dating. It's about being intentional What I mean to say here is He's continually Reinforcing the desire to explore and grow the relationship and I think you felt that with me Yes, well by the time I was here. Yeah, we already knew that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying you've been in other Short-lived relationships where men weren't intentional. They weren't progressing the relationship even though they were good guys You know and you know some of the men were acts of service another one that they weren't Demonstrating a consistent desire to grow the relationship right because there are men that I had a Man one in particular that I had a relationship with great great guy I I couldn't find anything really wrong with him So I wanted to give it a chance and he it was all about acts of service You know, I moved and put it my TV and you know, it's stuff like that He was very giving in that way but when you would talk about feelings and where this would go and Oh, oh wait. No, you know, I'm not ready to talk about that. I need to take it really slow And so that's where it's like, well, I'm not going to take myself off the market for somebody that That doesn't even want to talk about it It's like he it was just a no-go subject And and you can't do that if you're trying to if you really want to build a relationship This is why you know, you know Folks we binge watch some reality TV although now you got or you got me hooked on this show called the good doctor I mean, it's on Hulu folks and now I'm addicted to this show Well, I just like the character, but it's just late night TV to fall asleep But what I coming back to reality TV one of the premises that I actually What's the word I'm looking analyze is that in many of these cases whether it's married at first sight Love is blind some of these other shows even the bachelor. You're thrown in the pressure cooker very quickly And what I actually Believe that there's some value to that when I mean to say is you're you're really Concentrating on building a relationship in a very short period of time I think today's dating process is such a long drawn-out process that you can either miss red flags Or you get attached to the wrong person and only to find out you've invested months If not years with a person that's never going to materialize and I'm like like what we did We jumped in the pressure cooker and now we live together, you know, and I feel as though there's some value to that because They often say you don't really know someone until you live with them or at least go on a vacation and We just went on vacation for two and a half weeks By the way folks, we just did the Panama Canal cruise and for the record. This was organ or we were This got organized for us through a singles organization called singles cruise And I'm actually looking at some other organizations while the majority of people were in relationship Because it's a lot of elderly people couples have been married a long time There were a lot of singles out there So folks for those of you single looking in love check out singles in paradise check out singles cruises There's gonna be a couple other organizations. I'm gonna recommend one of the things Norwegian cruise line has these solo cabins that are for Single people and and they're you know, you don't have to pay like more money because you don't it's double occupancy And those are for single solo travelers And then they have events and they have they also have a lounge They have a singles lounge where they connect with other people and they so there are things that you could do where you could meet Meet people especially like the European cruises. There are More age-appropriate people and for the record this doesn't have to be expensive on your budget There are there are some cruises that are less than a thousand dollars for what four or five or six days No for seven days for seven days and that includes food and you know, so check it out We'll talk about that more because I want to endorse Organizations that are promoting singles to getting together because here's the thing Folks that makes me almost crying away. I I am ridiculously happy with our relationship. I didn't even know that this was possible Quite frankly. I didn't have it in my marriage. I didn't have what we have in our relationship That sense of comfort that sense of ease that sense of I can just be myself with somebody and I feel like you feel the same and so And you know, I'm a junkie for love and it's because I want everybody to experience what I'm feeling and I hope you feel the same I do and spending 15 days 24-7. Oh gosh Yeah, you really yeah, and we didn't kill each other We had fun. We had a great time So we went to my home for where I was born. I was born in Cartagena, Colombia Great place. Oh my god amazing historical and and Got together with some relatives on a beach a week And then we went to watch the sunset with another cousin By the way, I talked to some of those relatives who were single and they're not they're frustrated with dating So I'm gonna work on that with them So just to recap and then we're gonna take questions in a moment Just to recap when a guy genuinely deeply loves you He's gonna show it through his vulnerability his authenticity as transparency with you He's gonna show it by being protective but more importantly his actions will be consistent And it'll be intentional about wanting to grow a relationship with you So those are the three things that we're gonna talk about today. I just want to add something to that to the Number two the being protective. Yeah, it's very easy For somebody that's been independent like a lot of us have been to think This guy's gonna try and tell me what to do. And this is you know, and when you start just calming yourself and listening to what they're really saying is look I I Care and I want to make sure that you're there safe They you know that you have a full tank of gas or you know, you're whatever I think We as women we have to give them a chance because Everybody is trying to stay away for those from those controlling types Yeah, you know, it's a shame that in some cases when I read the comments from those of you Many of you have been hurt so Significantly that I think it's affected your ability to appreciate good men and as I shared in a video yesterday the mantra That I invite everyone to have and I believe you naturally attracted this is it's raining good men It's raining good man instead. It's raining men. You know, it's raining good man It's raining good men. In other words that mantra Rather than focusing on the bad apples focus on those that actually and there are good guys out there You you're perfect example of a woman who pretty much always met good men. You met a couple jerks in there well, but but I had like The only relationships I've had have been with really great people. Yeah, and I'm still friends with them and I you know, I have You know to spawn memories of them. It's and that's I think That goes to say Yeah, there are good men out there and you give them a chance and just because a relationship ends and doesn't work out It doesn't mean that you you can't be friends and if it's a good guy Yeah, don't be that way and I'm not seeing friends that you're talking every week You know, they're they're on your Facebook and you know, you check in every one's all for a birthday or holiday That sort of thing or they just had a grandchild or something like that. Yeah, okay Well, I think it's time to take questions from the group Above if you're open to it Folks if you're new to my channel if you have a question write the word question and post the question there after Or you can use the little dollar sign Posted there you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat Post to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor. I'll say that's a picture of him right there That's my son who passed away Four and a half years ago now and his honor. I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like a Personal development causes that are near and dear to me. So let's see what we have in the Q&A board I Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump. I'm just gonna go back a little ways Oh, we Jin says I love the good doctor for the show the good doctor. Yes, it's on Hulu. I'm addicted to it see Crystal says in a relationship. I'm in a he's the relationship. I'm in a great He's a great man. However, he openly admits he has had a hard time expressing his feelings But his actions shows me he loves me You know, I want to touch upon that because One of the the book the five. Where is it? Oh, I have it over here Folks, if you're not familiar with what's called the five love languages right here Okay The five love languages if you're not familiar to all the books I recommend is listed below the five love languages are words of affirmation or if you're a Leo It's called words of adoration physical touch quality time access service and gifts and what this means is Most people have a predominant or several high love languages In other words, they might be one or two or three in Marie's case. It's all five So and for men they oftentimes use acts of service what that means is they'll put up there your TV for you They will put the car plate change the tires change the tires on your car You know, that's how they show love and for some men. It's incredibly difficult to express themselves Everybody I want someone to write this in the chat box I want you all to go on YouTube late later and type in the mask we live in the mask We live in it's a trailer for a documentary and in this trailer really illustrates why men often times are very stoic because as little boys we were conditioned You know, we talked about this. We were conditioned to stuff our feelings to be a man means not to show our feelings So I know for myself I felt that way and it took a woman a woman before I met you to really help open me up To be expressive. I always say a man reaches his heart through a woman. So lead by example, and so my best friend who I can honestly say is not that expressive with his feelings even though He's a he's a great guy and he's an acts of service type of person in quality time His girlfriend just kept expressing her feelings his previous girlfriend and that got him to open up so Ladies you can lead by example to get a guy to open up any thoughts on that I You're the most expressive guy I've ever She'll even say I'm the chicken the relationship because of that But in a good way, right? All right, so I hope I you didn't have a question, but I just thought I responded at crystal So thank you. I noticed that Pamela has a question here Hey Pamela question finally met the man. I've been texting for almost two months. Yay I want to hear all about it later. We feel excited for the future He start he texted later that he forgot to take a selfie of us, which I thought mmm thoughts Hmm well, okay, so Coming back to I'm the chicken the relationship on our first date wasn't either one who handed the camera to the To the waitress or it was a waiter when a waitress and said will you take a picture of us? Yes, so I kind of like memorializing moments more than you do oh I don't mean to throw you under the bus No, it's just You know what it's just different things at different times like when I first Met you I didn't know this was gonna turn into anything. That's a good point. So so like I Just didn't think of that. Okay Well, I knew the minute I met you or the second time I met you Anyway going back to Pamela most likely he just wanted to memorialize your meeting together because it meant something to him and Use it whether it's handing the camera to a waiter or waitress or or taking a selfie. That's my thoughts on that one Would you you know is there any other reason why he might I didn't quite understand the question to be honest Okay, I'll just repeat it again. He texted later that he forgot to take a selfie of us, which I thought mmm thoughts So they'd been speaking for a while. He asked to take he said he texted later saying I forgot to take one My feeling is he just wanted to memorialize it. Do you have any other thoughts on that? Well, I mean I'm reading it that they've been texting for almost two months. Have they met? Did they just finally met? Oh, oh, you finally met the man I've been talking to does that make sense Okay, let's keep going Oh Judy writes question Jonathan Jonathan since you have been in your new relationship. Have you felt your anxious attachment come out? If so when hmm, I guess I'm gonna throw myself under the bus, you know, I will say that I I Prior to meeting you I was in a relationship where I was very anxious my anxious attachment came out I feel as though that relationship healed me That What's happened now is I'm more of a secure Attacher with a default and the anxiousness is really a reflection of feeling like If I do something wrong, you'll abandon me. That's where it comes up for me Like if I say something or do something You'll leave me and my abandonment fears come up and that's all related to my childhood Or my mother had kind of temporarily abandoned me and that triggers me So I have that in our relationship I don't think it's it's been maybe slightly on the surface, but not Overwhelming me. Have you ever noticed me to be anxious? Um, I okay. I feel like I'm a calming force for you Hmm Yeah, you very much are a calming force. In fact, what I appreciate most about you and Marie for the audience is that you have Your very it's the word I keep thinking of is you're chill You know, you are chill. You're like chill chick. Oh my god. And by the way, we'll be in a crisis situation where the airline There's an issue. Oh my god. It's just happened when we're flying back from Miami and I send them to go get coffee No, no, no Here's what happened in all fairness The uh ticketing agent at american which we have to give her props I wish we had her number right now because I'd like to tell her boss She turned to me and says you go get a cup of coffee. She and I will figure this all out Because she could tell I was getting anxious now. That wasn't anxious about the relationship But I have a this comes back to my father who used to get very anxious when he couldn't be in control of situations Okay, and so this is where it stems from and again, Marie is a very calming force. She's very chill So I I think because of that I don't my anxious attachment doesn't over doesn't come out to the point where it actually creates any Havoc and no, it it hasn't um In that situation it was it was actually kind of comfortable But that was about because it was the the ticket agent that that said Dude, you need to go get some coffee But but i'm differentiating between, you know, like that situation in our relationship. No, our relationship is is not like that I You know, I think i'm I am chill, but you know, I think i'm chill with you too Except for airlines. It's a prayer and other things. So, okay. I hope judy. I answered your question Uh kassandra says question. Do you think men that insist on not shaving facial hair are being lazy? Or you only think or they're only thinking of themselves Well I can answer that All right, I like to hear your thoughts on that one Okay um Yeah, I have three kids three boys and Right now two of them have a lot of facial hair One of them it looks great on him and then you shaved it off and it's like what did you do that for? It looked great, right? but I am not somebody that likes The scruff. I don't like the way it feels and you know, and i'm very Open about seeing that like you need to go shave Well, you also have expressed to me you have delicate skin and so I get a rash. I get a rash. Yeah, if I don't shave, uh, whether we're making out or something else It affects you so I you know the hard part is You know, there's a fine line between being yourself and for a guy like there are times I don't feel like shaving for three or four days and And because it's a pain in the ass just like ladies shaving your leg or anything else might be a pain in the ass And for some men they like that look I think when you're in a relationship and you listen to your like in your case you shared why it's important For me to shave because of how it affects you Then if they're saying no I'm going to keep this scruffy facial hair to heck with you Then I do believe that's not being sensitive to your partner's needs. I I agree like for me. It's like I get like It's it's almost like rug or yeah, yeah face so so yeah, I I don't know Okay. Well, anyways, I think he's being selfish. That's my two cents on that one. All right. Thank you for your question Cassandra Ruth quit writes in Uh question and x keeps saying say you his queen and you his king. I think he's trying to manipulate but Me and my sister in law disagree. What do you what is your opinion in the past? He used women and former drug user So this is kind of reminds me of the comment you made about the guy in the refrigerator, you know when a person Again, if it's not a season relationship and they're using language or doing things that are probably outside of the timing of something like because I've called you my goddess before so And but you didn't do that Way in the beginning. No. No. No, I mean When it felt appropriate for me. I used the terminology might love it and uh, it it's just is a way to I know you Thought it had to do with the movie the departed Like the dearly departed. No, but beloved is just a way of me sharing saying I don't like saying the word girlfriend You know, I don't like the word partner You know, but I wanted to demonstrate that you are special to me. So Uh, so to use that type of term of endearment king or queen Um, I think in a season relationship that might be endearing, but I certainly in the beginning I think it might be overwhelmed. No, and if he's an x she said it. It's an x doing that. Oh, I thought he was an x drug user Everything about it doesn't sound good. You know, he has a past of using women former. I don't know. It's hard to say so even in In dating apps and stuff when when you meet someone and they're and they're writing to you and then they They write hey my baby doll and and how's my sexy thing doing and right away? That was a block delete. Yeah, because that's the kind of person I was looking for So part of relationships. Okay Is being able to read the other person? We talked about this, you know, even this morning we talked about because yesterday you weren't feeling well and I I I know I might not have read it 100 but I certainly wasn't I felt like I wanted to give you enough space to just Be in your space to chill So reading your partner is an important thing and if that's something uncomfortable for you And it doesn't resonate with you then I would speak up and share your feelings on it. Okay All right, uh, let's see See What does it mean? Oh, here we go Um, this is from my private group called midlife love mastery. And by the way, there's a link below to join the group So one of my group members asked what does it mean when a man that I've only seen twice tells me his job hourly income Oh, this is an interesting you want to tackle that one I have no idea. I have no idea how to answer that because What is he trying to accomplish by doing that so soon in the relationship? So do you remember on the cruise the guy that was talking about what you spent on his Sweet his next suite was going to be 31 thousand dollars But but then we'd run into him and he'd be telling everybody else the same the same thing So why do you think guys do that? Well, I mean it could go either way is it because he's trying to say I don't make all that much or because Hey, I got it together and I'm making a lot of money. Okay. I just think it's it's too soon To talk about that unless you're really talking A serious relationship and you need to talk finances. So okay. Good point. So that was an interesting take so Maybe there is a reason he's sharing it to give you an idea that he may not have the kind of Income or wealth to support two people Okay, I'm just throwing that out there or it's a way to be braggadocious about how successfully is I think if it's the if it's the If it's the former You know on some level You'd want to know where a person stands financially sooner rather than later Because money ends up being the second most common reason why people get divorced the issues related to money So on some level that might not be a bad move to share that it might feel uncomfortable But it depends on where the relationship is too Well, or I don't know maybe not not where the relationship is in What is intention in sharing it? Okay. Now that's a good point. So Because I believe if it's material to the relationship, it's good to know things sooner rather later For example if someone had herpes You'd probably want to know about it before you have sex and not the at the moment having sex or after having sex as an example Or the person has a severe medical condition. You know, I think that's if it's material to the relationship So was he sharing it because he was wanted he wanted you to know his status Or was it braggadocious which it's hard to tell from what you shared But those are my two thoughts on that You kind of concur. Yeah, okay All right. All right. Let's keep swimming here Right Cassandra says Steve Harvey says he is the king and his wife is the queen all the time, you know for some people That's their languaging again. I'm differentiating the early stages versus someone who's in a seasoned relationship. They're married Well, this case it was an act. Well, they're married. Yeah, Steve Harvey. So um, let's see Um, here's one. We just says yes reading your partner is not something lots of men are very good at You know, most humans aren't good at that. I think one of the real challenges in in human pair bonding is that Most of us weren't trained at being in relationship. Nobody taught me, you know, like you um You know, we went to drivers. I had to learn how to drive a car, right? We had to take a driver's proficiency test. Any two people can jump in the bed together and start a relationship and Most of us probably don't have the skillsets the human behavior skillsets To really navigate relationships and it's one of the reasons why I habitually share book I share book after book after book after book to help educate people and And when I said earlier lead by example Um, I really quickly and I want to give you a chance to jump in I had a client today who just started working with me a few months or about or early Last year so it's been a couple months now and she's in a relationship And she's done everything I recommend is she's recommended reading the book a dates with him She shared the dating vows and he he sent a message to her saying I want to talk to your dating coach And thank him because you made my he made I made his job easier Because these were things he didn't know most guys as I say are rather clueless when it comes to relationships So, you know, you have a choice you can assume most men have direction or you can guide them along the way Am I making sense? Yeah, you're making sense. I'm just wondering what this generation is going to be like I don't know. I'm thinking of my grandson. It was just the most thoughtful sweetest thing and I just hope that he stays that way. He's very communicative and Well, I think it's going to be interesting to see for those of us who are baby boomers or gen x Um, remember the video we watched about the woman who said how You know gen x screwed it up for this generation because they're all pampered children that gets a participation award For going to the bathroom the right side up and I'm making that up or whatever, you know So it's going to be interesting the younger generation how they're going to view relationships. I believe That the value of partnering with someone is that two is better than one And when you create a tribe a community to support You know people That's the that's the humans that are going to have I believe The greatest amount of joy from the sense or his peace because Let's face it being single is a fucking bitch You know, I mean being a You know beings and I say this especially for those of us in midlife what I mean by that and I you know I cursed intentionally there Was it's hard to not feel supported? And so while it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship I'm I talk about this in my book the importance of building a tribe Like you're like your your cousin in cartagena You know, she's got a tribe of friends and it's that tribe that helps sustain us in those In those tough times and I just rambled right there. So well, yeah, no really building like I was very fortunate raising my kids My parents ended up living with us By choice of my ex-husband who you know, just because our relationship ended he You gotta give the guy credit for everything he's done for my my family and you know, he's he's a good guy just You know 25 years of my life But um, we won't go down that route. No, but no, but he kept the family until so my kids now For the most part have tried to do that and And you know, the grandparents are involved all the cut all the ants You know, I'm stepping side. Yeah all the ants everybody Contributes to the babysitting and what they need So and why I'm I'm harping on this folks is that if you don't have a relationship That's okay But I definitely want to encourage you to build your tribe because it's your own individual community That's going to help Sustain us as we get older and for those of us who go to the doctor now on an occasional basis You know, we're going to need all the help we can get so that's just and it's not just okay So it's not just building a tribe of family You can you know family doesn't have to be blood. No, no, I didn't mean it that way. I mean friends Like my my cousin in Colombia, she's got this huge group And they they get together once a month. They celebrate everybody's birthdays and stuff And you know, I was kind of jealous when I was in Colombia a few months back because I thought gosh I wish we had that I I could have that in the states But everybody's so distanced here. Yeah, that's true Like I have family all over the place We now just need to move them all here All right folks, I got off on a tangent there. So let me keep going. Nicole says here Social skills alone is some something a lot of people do not have You know interesting watching this show The Good Doctor Here's a brilliant guy a brilliant surgeon who is autistic and you know as burgers if you will in other words has no social skills And what's interesting about him is he speaks his mind, you know, he's not afraid to have He doesn't have a filter. You have this and you're gonna die. Yeah, you're gonna die So you have malignant cancer. You're gonna die if we don't do this But the point is I think You know for those who don't have a condition like as burgers or autism You know, again, I I do believe most of us haven't really been trained and so in the show His the elder the the older gentleman is training him on Social skills. I mean he's being intentional about it You know most the time growing up our our our perception of social skills is like a slap on the hand Johnny don't do that or Marie don't do that. In other words, we were told what not to do But not how to really socialize with people from a heart-centered place first really quickly I'm gonna grab a book that I want to recommend here Where is it? The book is called the book is called I hear you okay The surprisingly simple skills of extraordinary relationships And I just want to give an example of something I shared this the other day in a video Bear with me one second. Oops. Let me find something Everybody be patient with me. No, no, I wanted Okay, so here's an example the difference between sympathy and empathy I'm sorry. You're not feeling well that sympathy Empathy is ug the flu The flu is no fun at all, you know In other words, empathy is actually feeling the person's feelings sympathy is just expressing You know that you know the sorrow around something so this book provides so many great examples And then there's one in particular I'm looking for it's the difference between Validating feelings and Unvalidating feelings. Oh, give me a second. I know I'm taking so long everyone But it's I know I read it the other day. I should bookmark it Anyway, validating statements and unvalidating statements as an example oftentimes in our communication We don't mean to dismiss a person's feelings, but our language does that by default So I recommend checking out this book. I can't find the example and I can't think of one off the top of my head Oh, well a good example would be your deodorant doesn't work too well versus wow, you stink really bad Okay, yeah, I've talked about that, but you shared I think but there was a way to do it You have a great way of expressing yourself without making the other person feel bad So you do that innately and most of us have to learn it through a book. So that's my recommendation Uh, all right Okay, robin asked what are what are the I'm here, but late. What are the three things? I'm going to share it really quickly when a man is deeply loves you. He'll do these three things He will be vulnerable with you because he trusts you he'll be vulnerable authentic and transparent Number two, he'll be protective of you not in a controlling way. He cares about your safety and number three He'll do it through his actions So it's not just expressing he loves you, but he'll do it through his actions consistently throughout the relationship All right, folks Anna says happy valentine's day to you both You know, this is a great place to wrap up today because I want to go make us dinner To enjoy valentine's together. Did I get you anything? No Wait What did I get? No, I got flowers But we agreed that you know We did this cruise and it was for valentine's as well and christmas and for the next couple birthdays too No, i'm just kidding. Well, you said to me and I quote every day is valentine's day with you I did so I did say that and and that's how I feel as well So folks for those who uh got to this point happy valentine's day to you all I hope you all have a wonderful day and treat every day with love in your heart, so I'm gonna wrap up with giving you one of my big jonathan bear hugs You're gonna give me a hug. Okay. All right. Thank you Happy valentine's day everyone. Bye. Bye now. Oh, I want to say thanks to uh, Wanda and robin and sherry and nicole and weijin And anna and chris breezy brown robin casandra valentina Margaret everyone. Thanks so much. Have a wonderful fantastic evening. Take care. Bye. Bye