 I remember him calling you names and I remember like standing in front of you, a four foot six, 75 pound one wet little child being like, you don't talk to her that way. You don't get to talk to her that way. Stand down. And so how could that person not want to protect you in that moment or not feel like it was my job to protect you in that moment? What's up, lovers and friends? I have some incredible, really frightening, exciting, big, massive life changing on my part news that I want to share with you. My sister Lauren Morrison is leaving Canada, moving to Los Angeles with her entire family and she is going to be working for shared entertainment full time. So for those of you who are familiar with my story and my family, my sister is a full time corporate head honcho. She's got two kids, she is married to an incredible man who's also a full time corporate head honcho. So this is one of those moves that I just never really saw happening, but they actually came to Los Angeles when Raiu was born and spent a month here just to get to know Raiu and be together. And that was our first time really getting to coexist as families and it was so powerful that we started to really ask the question, how do we make this a reality? And asking that question led her husband, Chris, to realize that his job could transfer him to California and asking that question of Lauren really allowed us to realize that we really do belong together as more than just sisters, but as business partners. And that's what we're really trying to facilitate and that's a lot. And I acknowledge that it's a lot. And so I thought, why not get some help to really make sure that this transition is as powerful and as meaningful to both of us as we both really want it to be. This video is sponsored by better help. Better help is an incredible service that allows you to get a licensed therapist at your disposal because you don't have to go at life alone. And if there is something that's been challenging you or preventing you from achieving ultimate happiness, or if you are happy and just want to process that happiness, there are people out there who can help and who can facilitate more peace and ease of mind for you. And it's important to know that better help is not a crisis line or a self-help service. Better help is professional counseling done securely online. Better help has over 14,000 counselors that are available worldwide, which means access to mental health care, which may not be locally available in many areas. That means you can log into your account anytime and send a message to your counselor and financial aid is available. A better, happier, healthier, more connected version of you is possible and it is possible, especially when you are brave enough to ask for help. And if you consider better help as a service to get that help from, I want to please encourage you to utilize my promo code with them, which is betterhelp.com slash booty. That's B E T T E R H E L P dot com slash B O O D Y because that code is going to allow you to get 10% off your first month of counseling with better help. And so I asked Keondra Jackson, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist. You might recall her from a better help video that I did actually a couple of years ago. Keondra is a therapist that I trust and I asked her to put together a list of questions that would help me and Lauren have essentially a premarital call before we dive into our new relationship together. One of the things that I kind of carry with me is this element of always being like the other sister, right? Because people would always, because you were in track, because you were so well accomplished, athletically, you know, and then when after that, after your athletic phase kind of passed by, then it was, you know, you were the one on TV, you were the one who was, you know, writing articles. Like there was always something to talk about with Shen, right? There was always something to talk about. There was always something to praise you on. And it always felt like I was doing so much on my own, but it was never as newsworthy. So I never really got to feel like people who I loved really got to see me in my strength, in my element, because those are the things that happened not necessarily on a stage. It didn't happen on a stage. It didn't happen in front of a crowd. It was happening in the boardrooms. One of my best friends, when he found out that I was moving, he said, you're so accomplished. You have, you have everything here. You're just going to go to LA and be Shan's sister. And that was like, oh, my God, I know who said he's so toxic. And I was like, yeah, but that's, but that's a real, that's a real thought. Right. That's a real thought. That's a real concern. And that's something that I've had to really sort of really work through in my mind as well. It's because even when I used to come out to LA before, I used to feel so uncomfortable. And you remember like earlier, like when I used to come out to LA, I used to feel so uncomfortable feeling like I wasn't in my world. I was just in your world. And in your world, I didn't have. I didn't have a sense of I was just a follower in your world. I wasn't a leader in your world. And that kind of made me always feel very uncomfortable. Like I couldn't really be who I wanted to be. I couldn't bring my authentic self. We would get dressed for things and you would put on this like dominatrix clothing and I'd be like, I don't know. I just want to wear jeans. Like I don't know how I fit here. And that was kind of so it just further recessed me into the shadows. But him saying that to me was so important because for the first time in a very long time, I could actually hear that and be like, no, I'm not. I'm not just going to be Shan sister. Like I'm stepping into my coming to LA and working with you and Jared is me stepping into my power. It's me stepping into my my my true element and bringing I feel like I'm bringing myself and I don't feel like I'm coming in as your shadow. I feel like I'm coming in as your light. But a little bit more about Keondra before we dive into the question. Hello everybody. My name is Keondra Jackson. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist here in the state of California. I'm also known as America's number one relationship therapist. I have been featured on so many different amazing platforms like the Emmy Award winning TV show The Doctors and I've been named by the Huffington Post as one of the top 10 black female therapies you should know. As you watch this video, I want you to envision a person that you would like to have this kind of conversation with. And if you feel comfortable in the comment section, please answer one of the questions that Keondra has put forth for us. What is your best memory with me? Then we'll go to worst times when we were just like really creative together. So whether it was like playing playing with Barbies, developing storylines around all these Barbies lives, or creating like award shows or we used to remember we used to create all those TV shows, like play it against sports and we gather all the cousins up and we put on these plays. And so I think like the creative element of our relationship always brings me really fond memories when I think back on that time. Do you remember? You know what's crazy? I actually did not think of this at all. In relation to us starting this work relationship together, it never dawned on me that like, wow, we actually did this when we were kids. Like we did have TV shows and award shows and talent shows and creative businesses and bake sales. And so that's really cool. Apparently I'm the only one who did some soul searching on this question. No, I mean, I do that just that particular. And you know what, too, when I was trying to think about what my fondest memory was, I felt guilt because I'm like, am I thinking of something that was good for me? Or am I thinking of something that was also good for Lauren? Like a fond memory of mine is us doing that event from my book launch in Toronto together. And the two of us being on stage, that picture is very fond of me. But I'm like, is that being very self-centered that my fond memory of my sister is like her facilitating and supporting my dreams and goals, which I think is a big insecurity that I have with us working together in general of like, am I positioning Lauren like my favorite times with Lauren is when she's helping me. As we move through the various stages of what we've experienced as sisters and as best friends, I think a lot of what you said will make sense to a lot of people. So I want to use that as a way to kind of go into our worst memories of each other. And my fear, and even as you're coming down, you know that I'm like constantly afraid that like you're not really going to show up because when I think about my worst memory, this may not even be something you even recall at all, but we went to someone's party. I might've been 13, you might've been 15 at the time. I don't remember exact ages, but it was someone's party. And I remember the entire time you were just like pulling Alana and like dancing with Alana. And I would try to like get involved with you and like make a connection in a moment with you and you would like turn away from me. And so it felt like I was constantly trying to make it like it's me and my sister's world, like we're best friends and we're really affirmed this narrative that it's you and me and you would always like turn your shoulder and be like, actually it's not. And I felt that at your wedding. I felt that a couple of years ago when I came back from LA to Toronto to visit, I remember I had that tearful conversation with you at the airport. Like you didn't make any time for me. Like you just didn't care at all. And it always felt to me like I was chasing this relationship with you that you were trying to run away from. And I remember growing up being obsessed with the idea of like wishing that I had a twin. Like wishing I had somebody who was just my person and being so heartbroken that you never wanted to be that person and you were never excited about that opportunity. I think as I've gotten older in my relationship with Jared, I've actually realized that I'm a lot more needy than I give myself credit for. Like I am not this securely attached, completely confident independent like self contained person. I do have a lot of neediness that I put onto a lot of relationships. And I think that you're probably a person who's experienced that quite a bit. Yeah, kind of emotional to talk about now that you're saying it that way. There was, I'll touch on this first. There was such a need for me to create an identity that was away from you. Because I felt like the whole family was always wrapped up in what you were doing. And like all of our weekends, all of our trips, all of the friends we hung out with, they were all like track, like especially during your track and field time, it was all like, we spend every weekend at the track watching Shan, everyone who came over were people that you knew from the track. And in order to involve me, I was taking up track, which I hated, you know? So I think that there just became this need for me to pull away completely because I resented. There's no better way to put it, like I resented. I resented your happy for your success, but I resented it, you know, especially because it didn't make me feel good. It didn't make me feel good to be the other. It didn't make me feel good to just spend my weekends just watching you all the time. It didn't make me feel good that the only thing we ever talked about was what was going on in your world. So there was this need for me to kind of pull away. And I think that there was just so many moments of that, because even like when you started, you know, your social media journey and you started gaining accolades in that field, I was the one who went to university for radio and television arts. And then I'm watching you do all the things that I thought I would be doing, you know? And then I'm not doing those things and I'm a mom and I'm watching your posts and your posts. Everything that you post is so gorgeous and so flawless. And I'm unhappy with my body. I'm unhappy with the, you know, questioning, like how did I get here, you know? Like how did I, so all that to say is that I think that a lot of that contributed to why I started pulling away from you. I remember building up that narrative, like, Shan doesn't need me. Shan doesn't really require me to make time for her. She's very happy hanging out with other people. Shan doesn't require me to spend this time with her because she doesn't need that. Like she's good on her own and not really registering. I took for granted how you felt about me, how you felt about our relationship. And I built up this narrative that's like, okay, we're just on two different paths, you know? And I think that's fair, sorry to interrupt you, but while I think that that's fair, I just feel like I was not quiet about it. So it would have to have been like, despite what I was saying to you, you decided that I didn't actually want what I was communicating. Maybe, but I think that the, and I'll tell you why that last conversation that you and I had where that tearful conversation that you had with me a few years back that you referenced, that was, and maybe it's just, maybe I just wasn't hearing it before. Maybe it just wasn't portrayed to me in that way before. Maybe I was just in a different place. But for me, that was a time when it shifted, where it was like something in me needs to change because how I'm making this person who I love with all my heart and soul feel, it's not representative of how I actually feel. But the hurt that you had and the way that you communicated it, caught me off guard, but it changed something inside of me where I was like, this isn't it. This isn't what I want. This isn't the relationship that I want with my sister. And I hate the fact that I've hurt her so deeply because of things that I've built up in my own head because of the ways that I've taken her for granted. So there's that. Well, thanks for saying that. I think even when you just said that thing in the beginning of what we used to do as kids, that just unlocked such an aha in me because maybe as a coping mechanism or maybe just the way that our lives became different, I actually for a long time have been really pushing the narrative that me and my sister are really different people. Like I often tell people the joke of, oh, my mom and my dad don't bother me because they have my sister who fulfilled all of the goals. Like I'm the one who when we go to family barbecues, whatever, they're like, so you're living out of a suitcase with bed bugs? And then they could point to my sister who was like, yeah, she's 25 years old and by 27, you were married, you had a house, you had a kid, you had a full-time job at a massive corporation, you were winning awards. Like, so if I was the one that mom and dad had to be like, you know, she's trying. It's because as much as I've had success, I've had so much failure and so much risk that didn't pay off for years and years. So I would overhear mom and dad a lot. And I moved out of the house when I was 28. You moved out when you were 20, right? So you both kind of went back and forth different times, but I was definitely the one who just took longer to get off the ground. So I just remember listening to mom and dad, try to explain to people on the phone like how I was doing. And it would always be like, you know, she's doing her thing. She gets up every morning, brushes her teeth. Like, and with you, it would be like, oh yeah, Lauren's got a full-time job. Their voice would be different. Yeah, Lauren, her kids are incredible. She's doing amazing. Her kids are reading at age three years old. Like there was just this sureness and all of the things that you want a person to accomplish, like to be a full person, you were done by age 27. I always made that joke with you that like, you're finished. Like nobody can come to you and be like, so when are you gonna, you know, like, and that's like, even for me, that same friend that you referenced, like who obviously has some real issues to work through because there's such a hater, it's immense. I mean, mind you, to your point, maybe it's positive because they say the thing that you don't wanna say. Like, if he's the same one who said to somebody else, like when is she gonna stop messing around and like trying to be something that she can't be in LA and just come back to Toronto and like make an actual life for herself? That's the same friend who said that. So mind you, those are fears and things that I had. So maybe it's positive to have somebody out there in the world who voices it to make you actually face that ugliness. But at the same time, why are you always that person saying this shit? Like, you're a weirdo. But I felt like I always had the narrative, like Lauren's the responsible good one, I'm the gong show one. Lauren is like the corporate structured, like everything is together, everything is organized one and I'm the one who's all over the place. But the real truth is we are a lot alike and even in watching you really devote yourself to social media, like everybody can attest this, you're so good on camera. You're so funny and witty and like I had messaged you and said, like you've just never looked more beautiful. It's almost as if now too, like you just started to really play into and like really embrace all of these beautiful talents that we both share that I feel like we relegate it to like, that's a sham thing. And I also feel like similarly, I'm now stepping into a lot of, well, those are Lauren things. And that's what I've been demanding from mom and dad actually have laid too because I've been the gong show one for so long and you've been the responsible one. People always talk to me like, well, you don't know what you're talking about. You're actually an idiot. Like you're actually irresponsible. And I'm like, I'm really not. So I want more of the respect and sureness that you have for Lauren because I deserve that. And then you deserve more of the praise, more of the center stage that I get because you're also deserving of that. That to be said, what do you anticipate will be the hardest part about us working together full-time and the easiest part? I know how to be a compliment to you, right? I think that I know how to adjust for you. I know how to read your cues. I know your language. I understand. I just feel like I know you. So I feel like I know you and I love you when I care about you. So I feel like that's going to enable a flow where I, on the same side, like the dark side of that is, will, will that, and these are just things that I check myself on, will that lead me to, not give you certain respect in certain situations because we're so familiar, right? Will I take advantage of that in some situations as I have in the past and completely misread things because I've just become so comfortable and complacent in our relationship? Can you sing me enough when I read this question about the hardest and easiest part of working together? The word ease is all I could focus on. Like I think about you coming. Like I think about Christmas if I was 10 years old. Like, oh my God, like Christmas is coming. Like everything's going to get better. I'm going to get everything that I want. Santa's going to spoil me. Like, like you're Santa in my mind, like Santa's coming. So all of this, like even this morning I woke up and I felt like such a tizzy for like, I slept in, which is incredible because I have a newborn baby. So like extra sleep is great, but then it also sets me back. So then now I was like, oh, I gotta do this and I did that. Oh, this thing isn't organized. That's not organized. And like, I'm trying to like care for Ryu and like get ready. And then there's a, I'm letting Lauren down who's like really good and scheduled and organized. Like the last thing I wanted for you to, I mean, obviously I deserve the reputation that I have of not being on time and being disorganized, but I'm like, fuck, like here it goes again where you're just going to once again be like, yeah, it's 1030 and you're nowhere to be seen. So there is just like that whole thing. But I'm like, when Lauren comes, it's all going to make sense. Like she's just going to fix everything. So that is the easiest part. The hardest part is acknowledging that I don't want to be what, we had a friend of ours and I overheard them have this conversation with you where they were like, Lauren, come and facilitate my dreams for me. Like that's what they were saying. They were like, I want to hire you to come and facilitate myself and this other person's dreams. Cause the truth is you can, like you are so exceptionally talented and smart and forward thinking and organized in a great planner. And you have talents in a crazy amount of areas. Like I didn't even know you were good at graphic design. I just, why are you great at that? I'm not quite sure. But so because you have all of these incredible fundamental skills that I know can facilitate my dreams, I do not want to be the person who tells you not to use those on yourself or who overloads you so much with needs of what I'm looking for to achieve as an individual that I don't support your own greatness and how the talents you've acquired can make you that person who deserves to be on center stage. So that's a thing that I'm constantly battling with and I know that I've got to do better at asking you how I can in turn facilitate and be of help to you. I think that, yes, but I also recognize that that's also a me job. I need to get better at asking you for help. And because I can very easily, very, very easily become the person behind a person. Like you said, that is a, my job for the last like three years has been chief of staff in a sense, right? Where I'm the person who makes the person I'm working with and for look good. And I can very, very easily go. And then essentially, and then I'll look at it, like if I'm gonna do that for me, I gotta do that on my own time. I gotta do that by myself, but I don't have to do that by myself. And I need to get better at asking you for help, asking you for assistance and feeling deserving of it. But I think that, especially because it's so early on, one, I'm gaining confidence in a new area on my own, but two, I'm also busy trying to prove myself as an asset to you and Jared, because we've talked about this before. I'm not coming, I don't want there to be a notion of like, oh, that's so cool, you're hiring your sister. Like, you know what I mean? Like I want my skillsets. So I'm very much in this proving myself place right now, which I should be, like it's a new job. It's a new thing. I'm learning new things. I've got a beginner's mindset. So I'm prioritizing everything that has to do with you, but I'm not asking you for anything that's gonna help me or I have trouble asking you for anything that's gonna help me. That's the same thing I challenge with shared, right? Like shared is Shannon Jared, but because my business is so large and demanding, we can really just tend to just focus on the first three letters only. And I don't want that to happen. And I don't feel joy in that. I don't, what I think about my 11-11 right now, the first people that I think about and I wish for are my family. Like the things that my greatest goals right now really don't have a lot to do with what I want to personally achieve. And that has to be reflected in the way that we are divvying up the schedule. So I think that's something that we should really talk about as a group and as a team, like how do we? Cause I also, and I had this conversation, you know, I mentor Winnie Harlow and we always make the joke that I would be the most incredible person to work with her and work for her. So I am like HR for her. So I often help her hire people. And if she has a problem with anybody on her team, I'll come in and help to manage that for her. And she's always like, why don't you just do this for me? I'm like, oh, trust me, I would be incredible. Like there are very few people who would be as great as I would be at being the person behind the person. But I've just spent my life always being the person. So that just would feel foreign to me. So I know that I have the exact same skills for you. And I'm very enthusiastic and excited to actually apply them to you. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. I actually have never thought of you as a person behind a person. Is there anything that I do that drives you insane? The thing that drives me insane about you is something that I have learned how to embrace and appreciate. And sometimes it's about switching your paradigm. I feel like you over complicate things. I feel like you will kind of, like there will be a thing that we're doing and then you'll come in like last minute and be like, let's add 17 more layers. When we did the Toronto Book Club, that was driving me insane. I think to the point where I was like, I don't know that I can work with Shan, which is why also I wanted to do Happy Main Character Energy with you so badly because it was like, this is an opportunity to do this differently. And I did a lot of self-reflecting after we did the Book Club launch, you know what I mean? After we did the Book Club launch and even like your wedding too, it was like your wedding, like you would just come with these things. And it's like, just, it kind of put me in this position where it's like, I feel like I'm constantly the no person. I feel like I'm constantly the like, let's be real about this person. But what I learned to embrace about it and why I actually do love it is I love it because it stretches beyond like my realm of structure. And that's a good thing, you know? Like I think that the thought diversity is exactly what's required in order for companies and teams and organizations to thrive. It is so good that you think differently from me. And that's the thing that used to frustrate me. It's like, I would never think the things that Shan thinks and that frustrates me. And it's like, no, I would never think the things that Shan thinks and that's why I need Shan to think with me, right? Now, if we executed them your way, people may not come away with that feeling. They would have been like, what was that? But it's to kind of take that idea and to pair it with, okay, well, how do we execute it so that people aren't confused so that it makes sense, so that it jives? Like because we have that dialogue and because you're so receptive, like you're not a my way or the highway person, which makes it easy to have that dialogue with you. So funny sometimes to have yourself reflected back to you in a way that you never looked at, but you're like, that is so obvious. Like to give the ballpark example at the wedding, I wanted us to do like race on the lawn and a scavenger hunt because we had this big property that we had rented and you were like, so people are gonna be coming in their nice wedding dresses and crawling around on all fours to dig something up in the grass. I'm like, yes. And then tracking mud into the rental house. What we actually did was the games night and it was the most fun ever. And people still talk about that to this day. So I feel like that, so here's what I wanna reflect cause when I first read this question, here's what I said and you'll know this line. Lauren does everything exactly right. There literally is nothing about me, you that irritates me. This is a line that somebody, a daycare worker said to Lauren once like, as a parent, you do everything exactly right. And we make that joke a lot because you do. You do everything exactly right. You don't ever say anything to offend anybody. Like you're just the person who everyone's like, oh, that's the exact perfect thing to do. So I actually think that this doesn't bother me about you at all, but I challenge you to not do everything exactly right. To not be afraid of doing something that was like, ooh, that was cringe, like making a mistake and then looking back and being like, I went too far and too big. So I think in this next iteration of you, that's gonna be shinier and bolder and more in your face and less safe. I think that Lauren does everything exactly right. Mantra has to die a little bit. All right. So this is a question that Keondra had written down that I don't know if we're gonna include this because the answer that I'm going to give, we'll just see. Is there anything that you haven't forgiven me for? The question that I, the thing that I kind of came up with when I thought about that, because the short answer is no, I don't think so. But I think that the things that weren't necessarily your fault, but I, we're just kind of what we were talking about in terms of the being your shadow. And I think some of that that I've been facing that are a result of you, but they weren't directed by you. That's what I would have talked about in that answer. Well, I am sorry for that. I am sorry. I do, because I do have a vivid memory too, or like a loose memory of you having a dance recital once and me doing something to like make that about myself. I do know that that narrative that was created was not something that I was active in combating. You're my older sister, but we're not that much of an age gap where I don't have an awareness about your feelings. And so a lot of times I would have expectations for you or needs for our relationship without an acknowledgement as to why we didn't have the connection that I wanted or the things that I wasn't doing to support you so that you would feel like that's my person. Like I was asking you to pick me when it was like, you're like, everybody already picks you and you already get everything you want. Like, why do I also have to be the one to like pick you to dance with or pick you to hang out with or at my wedding when all my friends are there and everyone's flown down? Like, why do I have to again make it about you? So I do think that in my like desire to have this ultimate connection with you, I also ignored all of the things that mattered to you. I am sorry about that. Okay, I received that, thank you. I've never granted ownership to you for that, but thank you. This is a random thing, but when I was 16 or 17, I had a non-consensual sex act happen to me with, when I went to Regent Park on a bus that night, the mom and dad weren't there. And I went and I traveled and I went to go hang out with somebody, it ended up taking advantage of me, like for lack of, they penetrated me without my permission. And I came back home that morning, I was like completely like just shocked by it. I had to wait until the bus started running in the morning to even leave that person's house. So like I left like six in the morning and it was a two hour bus ride to get back to Pickering. And I was just trying to collect like, what happened? How do I feel? What was what going on? There was like no cell phones back then either. So I didn't talk to anybody. So you were the first person that woke up that morning and I spoke to and I told you what happened. And then you were like, so you went out there by yourself. Like what did you think was going to happen? And that was like, oh, and I immediately stopped categorizing that experience in my mind as like rape or an assault. I was like, I deserve that. I just never really heard you say that, I'm sorry that happened to you. Yeah. I know, and as you were saying, it's like I remember exactly that situation. I remember exactly that talk and I remember reflecting that even for years, I haven't thought about it recently, but I have thought about it years beyond when it actually happened. And questioning, why did I react that way? What are the narratives that I've adopted that have led to me being so callous towards someone who I love, who I would ultimately protect no matter what? And I'm so sorry because protecting you has always been my priority. When I remember like when you would get in trouble or I remember being like eight years old standing up to dad when he would be shouting at you or when you were going through track and things like between you and dad were tumultuous, like I remember him calling you names and I remember like standing in front of you a four foot six, 75 pound one wet little child being like, you don't talk to her that way. You don't get to talk to her that way. Stand down. And so how could that person not want to protect you in that moment or not feel like it was my job to protect you in that moment? And I'm incredibly sorry. That was ignorant. It was callous and regretful. And I would never make that mistake with my daughter. I shouldn't have made it with you. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. And I know that and it's not like it's something like when the question is said, like something you haven't forgiven the person for, like there's no part of me that feels like that you would have stood by that at the time. And there was just so much bad messaging, I think that we had gotten and a lot of that blame that was placed on us for I just think that our sex life in general and our teens was not positive for either one of us. And there's many different reasons for that. And so there's no wonder that we couldn't be a good support system for each other because we just didn't have the right tools to even be good to ourselves. Many people do not believe this will work. What are your thoughts when it comes to people who disagree with our choice to try to work together? I think that those people who believe that are people who have seen us, who to your point earlier are seeing us in those two very different narratives and not acknowledging how similar we are or how well we work together or just writing off of the narratives that it's never gonna work because Shan's so out here and Lauren's so right here. And it's like, but that's exactly why it needs to come together. I think the person who makes me the most self-conscious and I'm not saying that this person has ever said like this is not going to work but the person who makes me the most self-conscious is Jared. I was not expecting you to say that at all. Yeah, I was thinking of the person who's literally said to me like this will never work like Lauren will never be able to like work with you in this way. So, but I'm curious, please go on. I'm most self-conscious about Jared because I feel like the worst possible outcome is if you are stuck between me and Jared. And what if Jared in my chemistry, what if one day he's like, I can't work with Lauren? I can't, I tried, but the shit she does, it just doesn't, I can't vibe with it. That part makes me the, that's like to me the part that makes me the most self-conscious. And the thing that I would kind of say like if anything was going to, because also I don't know that he'll ever, that we have the relationship where he'll just come to me straight and be like, that was, I didn't like that. You know what I mean? So I don't believe that he'll come to me. I believe that he'll go to you, which would make it, which puts you in the middle, you know? So I guess that that's something that makes me insecure about this. Well, I think it's a fair note to ask to say, I think that we have a relationship in our family of people saying how they really feel to one another. Like I often only find out how mom and dad really feel about something through you. So I think that maybe that's a habit that we really try to not continue on in this particular relationship. And you have that too where you're like, I had no idea that there was an issue. And I'm like, yeah, like they've been steaming that for months. So maybe that fear creeping into this setting, it doesn't necessarily apply in the same way because Jared's not like that, but I can just see based on the dynamics that we're accustomed to being a part of, how that fear could be valid. And we should definitely try to have us sit down and just clear, and even, you know, we work with Jared's brother as well with Cray. And I have those fears with Cray of like, is he uncomfortable if I'm telling him what to do? Like, is it weird if I say stuff? And so I probably should just voice that to him where it's just like, hey, do you feel comfortable with this or do you prefer that we go through Jared? But I think that that's just a beautiful dialogue that people take for granted. And at first, like I said, it seems crazy to me, but like I think in reflection now, I can kind of get where you're like, I don't like the patterns of community that we've existed in together traditionally, and I don't want that to repeat in the work relationship. Last question. Is there anything that you want to say to me before we make this transition? I'm really happy. Really, really, really, I'm really happy. I'm not even scared anymore. I've spent a lot of months being scared. I've spent a lot of years being scared, but I'm really happy. And I want what you want. I want what we want. I want our families to grow up together. I want to be in her youth life. I want to be her person the way that you're that for my kids. I want us to sell our homes and I want us to buy a compound. I want us to all live together in a shared household one day. Everybody can be old together. So that was just like, wow, I just didn't know how much I didn't do to say that because when I read this question, the last thing that I said, like, oh, what do I want to say to Lauren? Literally, my thought was like, don't fuck me. Don't fuck me in the end where you're just like, just kidding. We're not coming. Just kidding. You know what I mean? I'm just so afraid of embracing this reality because I think I've just spent so many years coping with the accepting a different narrative, like accepting like, it's not gonna be that way and that's okay. Even with Cairo and Zara, like how much I love them and want them to love me and want them to know me. This is a fear that I have when I moved to LA of like, they're just not gonna remember or care about me anymore. And not to say that that's happened, but I just know every time I come back, there's a little bit less and less, right? Our connection is just a little bit duller than it was the last time. And then I just had to make peace with that of like, that's okay, they're growing older and things can wrap around. And I've experienced that with so many other relationships too, just by virtue of the life I've chosen, like Palma and Matisse, like there's ebbs and flows of times of closeness and separateness that I have to take responsibility for because ultimately I'm the one who chose to live somewhere else. So I just feel like don't fuck me, like please don't like take it away from me the last minute, like don't let me get so excited and start to like embrace and open up. And then it's just like a just kidding thing because it just means so much to me that I, the mourning of that would just be really immense and heavy. And that doesn't guilt you because at the end of the day, you learned this everything exactly right. So I know if ultimately you have to make a different decision it will just be based on what's best for you and your family, which you're incredible at prioritizing. So I also acknowledge the selfishness in me even like saying that to you because I know that you would never do that like as like a gotcha. So please disregard that comment because I don't want you to feel like if you can't be this and we can't do this that there should be any guilt on your part at the end. I don't know, I don't even know what could, because I remember when we were having that conversation about point and no return. And I'm like, I'm at the point of no return. No, you're not. It's like, actually, yeah, I am. But in your mind, even up to as we're having this conversation, I could still fuck you because I'm not there yet, right? There's still a time for me to pivot. There's still time for me to make another choice. And I'm not, that's so far from my reality right now. I embrace that. I embrace you. I embrace you. I am literally overwhelmed by that conversation. I just want to turn off the camera and take some time to really sit and think. But before I do that, I owe a massive thank you of course to Lauren for being a part of this video and to Keandra Jackson for allowing us to have that beautiful conversation to the questions that she provided. If you like Keandra, like I like Keandra, you're going to love her book, Hard Work or Harmony. I strongly hope that today's conversation inspired you to try and tackle any barriers that exist in relationships that truly matter to you. And if you do locate some barriers, just know that's okay. And furthermore, you don't have to try to move them alone. There are tools and services out there that can help to facilitate really meaningful conversations and move you towards whatever your ultimate goals are. For example, one of those services is BetterHelp. And if you think getting in touch with a licensed professional could be advantageous to you, then use my promo code betterhelp.com slash booty. That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash booty because that's how you get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Zebra! Yuda! Let me just, I'm gonna. I guess that's what you were saying, cause, hold on. I knew you were saying, I knew you were saying Zebi cause basically every time you see me and basically your actions, you're like Zebi!