 to the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a heart, a high of silver, the lone ranger. Through the generations, the citizens of the western United States have kept alive the memory of the mysterious phantom figure of the planes. They tell of his great white horse, Silver, and of his faithful friend, the Indian Tonto. They still speak with gratitude of the courageous fight waged against crime by the famous masked writer of justice. And now, as the hoofs of silver thunder down the trail, let us recapture those days of thrilling adventure once more. The Lone Ranger rides again. The Ranger rode by on Silver. He said that two old friends of his needed help. Oliver Bates and Hacksaw Hastings, two cheerful but irresponsible veterans of the Civil War, had collected the taxes in Los Palmas County with the aid of the Lone Ranger. Then, with their commission in their pockets, they rode westward to the Kathamount Hills, where they decided to make their home in an abandoned cabin until another profitable enterprise came their way. As our story opens, we see Hacksaw in the Acme Restaurant, Bensonville's leading eating place. He is seated at a table in conversation with Aggie McGuire-Waitress and Bart Sidney, a friend of the proprietor, Pete Greer. Hacksaw, as usual, is boasting of his adventures. I'm telling you, folks, me and Bollower had them fellas in Los Palmas Fairbuffalo. At first, they didn't hanker to pay their taxes. But when we ventilated a dozen of them, they changed their minds right smart. You mean you shot and killed them? No, it weren't our shooting that done for them. It was just that we left them so drafty from bullet holes, they catch cold and died. Oh, my. Did you get much cash out of it for yourselves? Oh, offhand, I'd say we'd made us $11,000, $10,000 in silver. Take much, but still it'll do for a grub steak bar. You got all that cash just from collecting taxes? Well, and he darned who knows, it's more profitable collecting taxes and paying them. I heard such a lot about how mean they are down in Los Palmas. You must have been awful, brave Hacksaw, to take a job like that. Brave? Say, I'm so plumbful of courage, sometimes I scare myself. Did you say you still got that cash? Sure we have. We're hanging on to it till we find a good use for it. $10,000 or $11,000, you say? Oh, maybe it'll run a mile over that. What's a thousand dollars one way or the other? I suppose you put all that cash in the bank, didn't you? No, sir. Me and Bolivar are sight too smart for that. We ain't letting those strangers have the use of our cash. You see, Bart, that's what I always said. I told you plain that Hacksaw weren't only the bravest fellow I ever met up with, but one of the smartest too. Shucks, I was smart enough to be Jeb Stewart's right-hand man. But all of us, he's left. What was it the other way round? I never can recollect which is my left hand, which is my right. I always remember the thinking of which hand I'm right with. That'll do for some, but I can't write. Never figured it'd be good for me. I think you're just grand, Hacksaw. You're brave and you're smart, and you're just the kind of a gentleman a woman would like. Oh, I don't know anything. Yes, sure, Hacksaw, and I'll bet you wouldn't ever do harm to a lady or let anybody else do harm to her either. Is there anybody been doing you any harm, Miss Agie? No, that is, it's nothing I'd like. Oh, Darce, Peter, I'd better be seen to my work. Yeah, who's a magnifying little lady, Bart? I ain't never heard nothing again, eh? So, Venus, I'm a friend of yours. I hope you got all that cash hidden in a safe place. Sure have. It's in the cabin, but there ain't nobody to ever find it. Well, I'm right relieved to hear it. You never catch two old hands like me and Bollum are getting callous. I reckon not. Like I always say, Emma. Hi, golly, Pete's left, Agie. Yes, sir, it looks easy to mind your business. Next time I step out, don't you be settin' down to gab with the customer. Hey, there! What's your idea, hittin' Agie? Go, go, go. Ain't none of your business. Oh, Hacksaw, he hit me. He hit me just because he saw me talkin' to you. You don't shut your mouth. I'll give you another slap. Why, it's fun, you will. I won't, huh? You get out of here before I throw you out. Fine, some duration, that's just about enough. Why, you! Oh, hey, that! And here's another! Get out of here, will ya? Oh, Hacksaw, watch out. He's got a chair. You blasted my every car. Fix your... No, you don't! You missed me! I won't give her a shit. Hacksaw, Bart, coming after you! I'll show you gap for my partner. I'm giving you a hand, Pete. Come on, Mark. He's trying to wreck the boat. I'll lick the boat, have ya! Shoot him, Bart! Shoot him! I can't! Agie's got a hold of my arm. Oh, you beast, you brute. You ain't gonna harm Hacksaw. Here's one for you, Bart, permission in. Now! Yowee! If all of us here, we take on the hardhound. Come on, you fellas, I'm a-waitin' for ya. Then take this! Oh, oh, and take. Let's go. Come closer, old boy. Hey, what in place, you little mouth? You caused enough damage, Hacksaw. You're coming with me. Take him away from here. It's a mask, man. On your way, Hacksaw, out of here. Hey, you're the mask fella, me and Bart were met up with before. Yes, and I thought you'd learned enough to stay out of trouble. Now, come. I ain't goin' without Agie. Come on, Miss Agie. Let's clear outta here. I'm goin' with ya, Hacksaw. I saw your horse outside, Hacksaw. I want you right out of town as fast as you can. Sure I will. Hurry, Agie. We're leavin' right now. And don't come back here. Come on, Silver. Blast you, Hacksaw. You wrecked my place. I'm sure we're gonna see if you pay for the damages. Hey, come back here! That's right, Colette. You started this business and by golly, you can blame well people on yourself. Bolliver Bates, suspecting nothing of what had happened in town, had just stepped outside his cabin when he saw Pete Greer, owner of the restaurant that Hacksaw had wrecked, riding swiftly toward him. Bolliver greeted Pete with a shout. Hi there, Pete. What you doin' up this away? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm right surprised to see ya. You're the partner of Hacksaw Hastings, ain't ya? Sure, Ben. Then I want my cash. Cash? What are you talkin' about? I'll tell you what I'm talkin' about. That blameful sidekick of yours came into my place today and smashed it to pieces. He did? The selfish old coyote? Fine places couldn't he let me take a hand? He lit out without paying for the damages. So as he's your partner, I reckon he's up to you to pay. Me? You got cash here, ain't you? What if I have? I ain't payin' none of it out to you. That eatin' place of yours oughta been smashed up. I had a slice of apple pie in there once, and I ain't never felt right since. Hacksaw done a hundred dollars worth of damage, and by golly, somebody's gotta pay me for it. Maybe you did somethin' to make Hacksaw mad. You oughta be careful. Him and me are fightin' terrors. You didn't give him a piece of that same pie I had, did ya? I don't make faces with me. Or I'll go to town and finish where Hacksaw left off. Wrecking my place ain't all that ol' Maverick done. Yeah? He run off with Aggie, too. That's not, not like. Well, Aggie wanted so much as a waitress, but she brought customers into my place. There ain't many women a fella can hire out in this country. Hacksaw wouldn't run off with no females? I'm tellin' ya, he did. Won't take my say so for it. You can find out in town he's enough. Well, he's done some darn funny things, but I never knew him to do somethin' like this before. From what I've seen him, I'd say he's likely to do most anything. If he's run off with Aggie, where'd they go? Aggie's maw's got a place in the edge of town. I reckon that's the place to look for him. Hi there, General Sherman. Quit stuffin' yourself with that glass and come over here. What are you aiming to do? I'm going to town, that's what. And if I find you've been stretchin' the truth about my partner, I'll attend to you personally. How about them damages? Send the bill to Aggie's maw. Maybe she'll pay for him. But if you think you're gonna get any cash from me, you're plum mistakin'. Get up, General Sherman. Get along with ya. Bolliver urged his horse along the trail to Bensonville, determined to learn the truth of the story told him by Pete. In the meantime, the Lone Ranger had returned to the small, well-hidden camp he shared with his faithful Indian companion, Tonto. The masked man told his friend of Hacksaw's fight, and then proceeded on to town. In the meantime, Hacksaw accompanied Aggie to the home of her mother. There, the waitress cleverly appealed to Hacksaw's sympathy. Golly, Miss Aggie, you sure put me in mind of my sister back home. Oh, Hacksaw, you're just sayin' that. Planssake, I don't know why I should. Honest, Miss Aggie. I ain't just sayin' that to make you feel good. It's the truth. I ain't seen Cynthia for a long time, but I bet you and she look a he-boy. Well, if that's so, I hope she's happier than I am. Huh? You ain't worryin' about Pete, are ya? No, that ain't it. I sure wish you'd feel free to tell me about it. I'd rather not, Hacksaw. You wouldn't believe me anyhow. Oh, no, Miss Aggie. And besides, it's somethin' I've gotta face all alone, I reckon. Now, you look here. I ain't the fella to let a real nice girl like you worry none when I might maybe be of help. I don't know whether I'll just say anything or not after. After what Boliver told me. You mean my partner, Boliver Bates? Please, Hacksaw, don't you pay any attention. I didn't mean to let it slip out. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. What about Boliver? Please don't make me tell. Come on, speak up. Well, when I asked him for the loan of some money for my mother... Come on, don't stop now. Oh, it was just that I... I didn't know where to turn for help. Ma needs doctrine so bad, and I don't make enough money to help her. Yeah? And I heard Boliver say something about how you both had plenty of cash. So I figured maybe you'd be willing to loan me some. I'd have paid it back. Honest award. Well, if that's all it's botherin' ya, Miss Aggie, I reckon it can be fixed up all right. How much cash do you need? But Boliver said you wouldn't let him loan this. I don't want that. That's the reason I didn't want to tell ya about it. You mean to sit there and tell me Boliver claimed I wouldn't help ya out? There. I knew all the time you wouldn't believe me. But... I should've just kept still. Now, don't get mad, Miss Aggie. I ain't sayin' ya, Fibbon. Just forget about it, Hacksaw. That's all I ask. I won't, either. I ain't said I didn't believe ya, have I? I wanna know some more about what Boliver said. No, it was just that the cash belonged to both of ya, and you wouldn't let him loan any of it to help me out. Why, that consarned old skin-flint. Usin' me to cover up his own ruin in us. I don't wanna cause trouble between ya. I'll get the cash for ya, Miss Aggie. And I'll tell Boliver a thing or two. No, no, don't do that. Huh? I wouldn't want Boliver to know I said anything to ya. You gotta promise me or I won't tell him. No, but... I promise. Well, if ya says I has to... Don't ya see, it just makes things worse. Well, uh-huh. You'd mind if that? How much cash do you need, Miss Aggie? Uh, I think maybe $75 or $100 would be enough. Then by dollar, you're gonna get it. You're awful nice. But you won't let Boliver know you're bringing it to me, will ya? Not if you don't want me to. I was thinking maybe you might get it without his knowing and bring it to me tonight. Sure I will. You could meet me outside, but there'd be a goat sometime after dark tonight. You see, Mars got a heap of pride and I wouldn't want to find out I was bought money to help her. Sure, I say anyhow you feel. I'll wait till Boliver's got to sleep tonight, then I'll ride back here. Oh. Huh? What's hailing ya? I just seen Mark coming down the path. You'd better go, Hexall. You can get out the back way and then you won't meet her. Anything you see. And tonight I'll be waiting for ya by the oak. You got my word, Miss Aggie. I won't fail ya. But by golly, I wish I could tell Boliver what I think he has meanness. Hurry, Hexall. Hurry! So long. I won't beat a laugh when I tell him about this. A ball of the bait's coming to the front door while Hexall goes out the back. Howdy, Miss Aggie. Can I come in? Why, of course, Boliver, come right inside. I've been wanting to speak to ya. The curtain falls on the first act of our alone ranger drama. Before the next exciting scenes, please permit us to pause for just a few moments. Our story. Hexall Hastings became involved in a fight in the Acme restaurant when Pete Greer, the proprietor, slapped the face of Aggie McGuire, a waitress. The lone ranger stopped the fight and Hexall accompanied Aggie to the home of her mother. In the meantime, Pete informed Boliver Bates of what had happened and Boliver rode hurried into town in search of his partner. He wrapped on the front door of Aggie's home just as Hexall went out the back. We see Boliver now a few minutes after Aggie admitted him. Where in town is Hexall? He's here already. He was here, but I wish I'd never seen him. Because he lost to your job? Oh, shucks. He had to fight, didn't he? Any fellow that was in the Yalakai would have done the same. Oh, I'd want that. I was thinking of. So you've been crying? I didn't mean to show it. Was it that blame Hexall that made you cry? Yes. Gosh, ain't he done enough already for one day? He smashes up the heat in place in town, gets Pete Grey Raven mad at him, and now he's got you crying. Boy, he must have gone clean local. He'll be all right. Just what's he been up to anyhow? I don't suppose I ought to tell you, but I was so hoping you and him could help me out. Help you out? Uh-huh. It's Maul. She needs a doctor so bad we ain't got no money and I thought you seemed so nice and kind that maybe... That maybe what? Well, that maybe you wouldn't mind alone enough money so that Maul wouldn't have to die. Is your Maul that bad-seek? If I don't get that cash, she'll die for sure. Why shucks me. If there ain't never been a time I wouldn't help out where I could. You mean you could loan me that money? Of course I would. But Hexall said you wouldn't. He said he'd be glad to, but you wouldn't let him. Hexall said that? I didn't think he was like that, but that's what he said. Well, I'll be all together mendiciously hog-tied if that don't beat all. How long has Hexall been gone? I want to get hold of him. What are you aiming to do? What am I going to do? I'm going to make him eat them words or choke on them. It don't matter much which. I don't savvy where he got the idea that... But Mr. Bayes, I wish you wouldn't do that. You know I told you and there'll just be a lot of trouble about it. Please don't say nothing to him. Well, by God... You wouldn't want to make things worse for me than they already, would you? Hey, don't you go crying again. Gosh, I just can't stand the sight of a woman crying. I'll promise you. Stop them sniffles and I'll promise anything. You won't say nothing to Hexall. No, siri. And I'll see that you get your money, too. You're such a gentleman, Mr. Bayes. When do you want it? Could you meet me tonight? You just bet I could. I'll slip out of the house after dark tonight if you'll be here. I'll be waiting for you by that big oak out in the yard. All right. You just tell me how much you need and I'll sure be there. Aggie did not know that while she told her story first to Hexall and then to Boliver, the masked man was listening just beyond the half-open window. When Boliver left the house, the lone ranger rode swiftly to his camp where he met Tonto. How do I learn more than I had expected? What do you hear? Aggie is scheming something. Maybe that she only wants the money she asked him for. But she could have got that without making Hexall and Boliver enemies. Maybe her want all their cash, huh? That might be her purpose. She believes, of course, that they have several thousand dollars. This may be part of a scheme to get all of us. Tonto bent to town seemed Pete, him plenty mad. What did he do to him, or something? He talked with someone named Bart and talked quiet. Yes. Pete, husband and girl. He is? Tonto learned. If Pete greers Aggie's husband, it makes the whole thing look more suspicious than ever. It would be a terrible thing if Hexall and Boliver became enemies after the years of friendship. That's right. Pete is Aggie's husband. He started that fight in his restaurant that Hexall believed he had won. And Aggie lied to Hexall about Boliver and to Boliver about Hexall. The plan might be... Tonto, did you say that Pete seemed to be scheming with Bart? Well, Tonto will not hear what them say. But I believe I can guess. We're going to have some action tonight, Tonto. Aggie has made appointments with two men for this evening. But she's going to find two more men than she expected. That night, Boliver was the first to creep silently from the cabin he shared with Hexall. Outside, he hastily rode toward Aggie's home. But the lone ranger and Tonto were watching the trail to town. There's a man, Tonto. Come on, Silberman, wait for me. Hurry up, Tonto. A rope for that rider, Tonto. Here, a rope. That's all over his shoulders. Oh, Silberman. Oh, oh, oh. What is this? What? Why, gosh, you're the fellas we met before. Well, you remember us, do you? And I figured you was my friend. We are your friends, Boliver. Then why'd you rope me? Why don't you let me lose? Not just now. I have other plans. But I got to get someplace. There's someone waiting for me. I got to... You know what to do with them, don't you, Tonto? You know, then I'll leave Boliver with you. But, blasted, you can't do this. You... Oh, Silberman! Leaving Tonto to guard Boliver, the masked man raced away. In the meantime, Hacksaw hurried to keep his appointment. He dismounted a safe distance from Aggie's home. Then proceeded cautiously on foot toward the tree where he was to meet the girl. Through the gloom of the night, he made out a figure which he assumed to be Aggie. Aggie? Is that you? No. Careful. Don't make any noise. My gosh, I... I've got a gun on you. Don't move or shout. You're the masked man. I am, and I'm here to help you. You put down that gun. I don't need any help. I don't savvy what you're interfering for. For what? Say, who's that coming there? It's Tonto and your partner, Boliver. Boliver? Now, what in tarnation is he doing here? You'll learn soon enough. Tonto, bring the killer here. All right. Good. What in brazes? You've got Boliver all tied up in gang. It was necessary, Haxo. Me? Take Ropal now? Yes, Kimosabe. Boliver, we're going to untie you. But if you make a noise, that gag goes right back on. Remember that. Well, I'd sure give a heap to Sabbie. What's going on? I've got Boliver untied yet, Kimosabe. Me got Ropal. Now look here, all right? There's no time for arguing. Just obey my instructions. Say, isn't that Haxo there? It's me all right, your Henry Coyote. I told you not to argue. Tonto, is everything ready? Uh-huh. Me stop in town on my way here. Now then, you two, you're mad at each other. So let me see you fight it out. What was that you said? If you're enemies, fight. Unless you're afraid of each other. Me appeared? Say, I ain't afraid of any fellas that ever walk. Well, I've just been aching to get my hands on you. I'm going to punch some of that meanness out of you. You ain't got the nerve. I ain't, huh? I'll teach you to tell things about me that ain't true. I've got your head. I'll show you. Take this. And here's another for you. You can't do that to me. I'm going to give you that licking of your life. And here's one for a start. I'll tear you apart. You ain't man enough. Well, you blame story. Tell an old go-down shooter. Hey, Henry, what's that shooting? Quick, back around. Gotcha, you knock me down. Both of you stay down. Make believe you've been shot. I don't sabby this. Do as I tell you. Those men couldn't see Tonto and me where we stood. Those shots were meant for you two. What's that? Quiet, let me talk. The shots came from the house. The men who fired them will be here in a moment to make sure they got you. Maybe I'm just plain dumb, but I don't get this at all. Don't move. The man is your heart. Gosh, mister, they'd have killed us if you hadn't pushed us down. Yes. There come the men from the house. See them? Pete and Bart. Aggie told both of you the same story. Listen, I must speak fast. Both of us? It was arranged for Pete to slap Aggie's face so that Haxo would fight. Aggie knew that Haxo would sympathize with her and Bolliver would come looking for Haxo. Is that a fact? Did you come looking for me, Bolliver? He did. And Aggie made him think you'd refuse her money, Haxo. Just as she made you think the same about Bolliver. She knew both of you were generous and that nothing would ride you more than to be accused of being selfish. Well, I'd be hogtied. Say, then fell us a creepin' closer. I mean, I'm rude, my shootin' on Adam. Wait, let me finish. You two were to meet here and fight. Then you were to be shot. My God. It would appear that you would kill each other. Not fair. Why do you want to do that? It was your own fault. You boasted all about the money you claimed to have. Whether you're both out of the way, they plan to steal it. But what did the woman have to do with it? The scheme was Pete's. He's Aggie's husband. Was you telling them we had a lot of cash, Haxo? Well, maybe I did stretch it a little. Not a word more. They're coming close. I reckon we got it all right, Bart. But we won't take no chances. They'll keep our guns handy. They ain't dead yet. We'll finish them all. Uh-huh. You will, will you? That's for them. Shoot them, shoot them. I can't. They give me a chance. We'll under your blasphemy. Let me at them. There ain't nobody can lick us back the back, Barbara. That's your ring? Yahweh. We're the fightin'est wild cats that ever born. Come on, you scum. Take what you've got. Come on, John. Can you get in a few punches, Haxo? You're harbing all the fun. Now, Pete's down. He's out of the fight. Just a second. There. And how's those bots? I'm sure of them right. All right, Sheriff. You can arrest these men now. What's that for, Sheriff? So that's what you stuff in town, Percanto. Uh-huh. Me tell you, Sheriff, what's this house? That's what the Red Skin told me, sure enough. And I've seen plenty and heard a lot more. Now I got the evidence to arrest these fellas like I've always wanted to. Oh. Get up there, Pete. You're too, Bart. Come on there. Stand up, bless ya. Get up. So we can knock you down again. That'll be enough, Haxo. You've got all the revenge you need. When I think of them fellas trying to make me in Haxo on him is, I get to see him red. Perhaps this will teach you both a lesson then. It wouldn't have happened if you were told the truth. Well, shucks. I didn't figure they'd really believe me when I said we had all that cash. What's that? Please, you planned this to get the money Haxo claimed. They'd collect it and lost Palmos, didn't you? What if we did? But you didn't know that instead of ten thousand dollars or so, they had only two or three hundred. You don't mean it. It's the truth. Well, of all, Pete, you and me got us in this trouble for nothing at all. Bless them. But it's the last scheme either of you will try. I'll see to that. We'll need these men in your charge, Sheriff. Come, Donald. Thanks for what you've both done. And believe me, there ain't gonna be nothing that can get me and Bolliver mad at each other again. See that you don't forget that. Then think them the schemer. Yes. But I'm afraid that we hadn't been there. Pete and Bart would have had things their own way. That's right. But we won't let either Hacks or Bolliver know that they didn't beat those men by themselves. The belief that they're still rough-fighting men will save their pride. Maybe they can prove now. Well, we'll hope that the lesson will stay with them, Kimosabe. The story you have just heard is a copyrighted feature of the Lone Ranger Incorporated.