 Chapter 21, Part 1 of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens. Chapter 21. More American experiences, Martin takes a partner and makes a purchase. Some account of Eden as it appeared on paper. Also of the British Lion. Also of the kind of sympathy professed and entertained by the Watertoast Association of United Sympathizers. Part 1. The knocking at Mr. Peck's nift's door, though loud enough, bore no resemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at full speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frank admission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafening this history's ears have any connection with the knocker on Mr. Peck's nift's door, or with a great amount of agitation pretty equally divided between that worthy man and Mr. Pinch, of which its strong performance was the cause. Mr. Peck's nift's house is more than a thousand leagues away, and again this happy chronicle has liberty and moral sensibility for its high companions. Again it breathes the blessed air of independence. Again it contemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Caesar nothing that is his. Again inhales that sacred atmosphere which was the life of him, O noble patriot with many followers who dreamed of freedom in a slave's embrace and waking sold her offspring and his own in public markets. How the wheels clank and rattle and the tram-road shakes as the train rushes on, and now the engine yells as it were lashed and tortured like a living laborer and writhed in agony. A poor fancy for steel and iron are of infinitely greater account in this commonwealth than flesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be urged beyond its power of endurance, it has within it the elements of its own revenge, whereas the wretched mechanism of the divine hand is dangerous with no such property, but may be tampered with and crushed and broken at the driver's pleasure. Look at that engine. It shall cost a man more dollars in the way of penalty and fine and satisfaction of the outraged law to deface in wantonness that senseless mass of metal than to take the lives of twenty human creatures. Thus the stars wink upon the bloody stripes and liberty pulls down her cap upon her eyes and owns oppression in its vilest aspect for her sister. The engine driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present chapter was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these, nor is it very probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all. He leaned with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of the carriage smoking, and, except when he expressed by a grunt as short as his pipe, his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part of his colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs of wood from the tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line. He preserved a composure so immovable and an indifference so complete that if the locomotive had been a sucking pig he could not have been more perfectly indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquil state of this officer and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was proceeding with tolerable rapidity and the rails being but poorly laid the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were neither slight nor few. There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, the gentleman's car, and the car for Negroes, the latter painted black as an appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley were in the first, as it was the most comfortable, and being far from full received other gentlemen who, like them, were unblessed by the society of ladies of their own. They were seated side by side and were engaged in earnest conversation. And so, Mark, said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression, and so you are glad we have left New York far behind us, are you? Yes, sir, said Mark, I am, precious glad. Were you not jolly there, asked Martin? On the contrary, sir, returned Mark, the jolliest week as ever I spent in my life was that their week at Pawkins's. What do you think of our prospects, inquired Martin, with an air that plainly said he had avoided the question for some time. Uncommon bright, sir, returned Mark, impossible for a place to have a better name, sir, than the valley of Eden. No man couldn't think of settling in a better place than the valley of Eden. And I'm told, added Mark after a pause, as there's lots of serpents there, so we shall come out quite complete and regular. So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information, with the least dismay, Mark's face grew radiant as he called it to mind, so very radiant that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life been yearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight the approaching consummation of his fondest wishes. Who told you that? asked Martin sternly. A military officer, said Mark, confound you for a ridiculous fellow, cried Martin, laughing heartily in spite of himself. What military officer? You know, they spring up in every field. As thick as scarecrow's in England, sir, interposed Mark, which is a sort of militia themselves being entirely coat and waisted with a stick inside. Ha-ha, don't mind me, sir, it's my way sometimes. I can't help being jolly. Why, it was one of them in waiting conquerors at Pawkins's, as told me. Am I rightly informed, he says, not exactly through his nose, but as if he'd got a stoppage in it very high up. That you are going to the valley of Eden? I heard some talk on it, I told him. Oh, says he, if you should ever happen to go to bed there, you may, you know, he says. In course of time, as civilization progresses, don't forget to take a axe with you. I looks at him tolerable hard. Fleas, says I, and more, says he. Vampires, says I, and more, says he. Mosquitoes, perhaps, says I, and more, says he. What more, says I? Snakes more, says he. Rattlesnakes. You're right to a certain extent, stranger. There are some catawampus chars in the small way, too, as grazed upon a human pretty strong. But don't mind them, their company. It's snakes, he says, as you'll object to. And whenever you wake and see one in an upright posture on your bed, he says. Like a corkscrew with the handle off, as sitting on its bottom ring, cut him down, for he means when'em. Why didn't you tell me this before? cried Martin with an expression of face, which set off the cheerfulness of Mark's visage to great advantage. I never thought in it, sir, said Mark. It come in at one ear and went out at the other. But, Lord, love us, he was one of another company, I daresay, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, and not the opposition one. There's some probability in that, observed Martin. I can honestly say that I hope so, with all my heart. I've not a doubt about it, sir, returned Mark, who, full of the inspiring influence of the anecdote upon himself, had for the moment forgotten its probable effect upon his master. Anyhow, we must live, you know, sir. Live! cried Martin. Yes, it's easy to say live, but if we should happen not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of themselves upon our beds, it may be not so easy to do it. And that's a fact, said a voice so close in his ear that it tickled him. That's dreadful true. Martin looked round and found that a gentleman on the seat behind had thrust his head between himself and Mark and sat with his chin resting on the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with their conversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of the gentlemen they had seen. His cheeks were so hollow that he seemed to be always sucking them in, and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome red or brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes which he kept half closed, only peeping out of the corners, and even then with a glance that seemed to say, Now you won't overreach me, you want to, but you won't. His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward. In the palm of his left hand, as English rustics have their slice of cheese, he had a cake of tobacco. In his right a penknife. He struck into the dialogue with as little reserve as if he had been specially called in days before to hear the arguments on both sides and favor them with his opinion. And he no more contemplated or cared for the possibility of their not desiring the honor of his acquaintance or interference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or a buffalo. That, he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outer barbarian and foreigner, is dreadful true, darn all manner of vermin. Martin could not help frowning for a moment as if he were disposed to insinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously darned himself. But remembering the wisdom of doing it in Rome as Romans do, he smiled with the pleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a notice. New friends said no more just then, being busily employed in cutting a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco and whistling softly to himself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking he took out his old plug and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Mark and Martin while he thrust the new one into the hollow of his cheek where it looked like a large walnut or tolerable pippin. Finding it quite satisfactory he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug and holding it out for their inspection remarked with the air of a man who had not lived in vain that it was used up considerable. Then he tossed it away, put his knife into one pocket and his tobacco into another, rested his chin upon the rail as before and approving of the pattern on Martin's waistcoat reached out his hand to feel the texture of that garment. What do you call this now? he asked. Upon my word said Martin, I don't know what it's called. It'll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon. I really don't know. In my country, said the gentleman, we know the cost of our own produce. Martin, not discussing the question, there was a pause. Well, resumed their new friend after staring at them intently during the whole interval of silence. How's the unnatural old parent by this time? Mr. Tapley, regarding this inquiry as only another version of the impertinent English question, how's your mother, would have resented it instantly but for Martin's prompt interposition. You mean the old country, he said? Ah, was the reply. How's she, progressing backwards I expect as usual? Well, how's Queen Victoria? In good health, I believe, said Martin. Queen Victoria won't shaken her royal shoes at all when she hears tomorrow named, observed the stranger, no. Not that I am aware of, why should she? She won't be taken with a cold chill when she realizes what is being done in these diggings, said the stranger, no. No, said Martin, I think I could take my oath of that. The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance or prejudice and said, Well, sir, I tell you this, there ain't a engine with its biler bust in God Almighty's free United States so fixed and nipped and frizzled to a most eternal smash as that young critter in her luxurious location in the Tower of London will be when she reads the next double extra water toast gazette. Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during the foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this speech. One very-length gentleman in a loose, limp, white cravat, long white waistcoat, and a black greatcoat who seemed to be in authority among them felt called upon to acknowledge it. Hem, Mr. Lafayette Kettle, he said, taking off his hat. There was a grave murmur of hush. Mr. Lafayette Kettle, sir, Mr. Kettle bowed. In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common country and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in which we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of the water toast sympathizers. And I thank you, sir, in the name of the water toast gazette. And I thank you, sir, in the name of the star-spangled banner of the great United States for your eloquent and categorical exposition. And if, sir, said the speaker, poking Martin with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for he was listening to a whisper from Mark, if, sir, in such a place and at such a time I might venture to conclude with a sentiment glancing, however slant and dicklerly, at the subject in hand, I would say, sir, may the British lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of the American eagle and be taught to play upon the Irish harp and the Scotch fiddle that music which is breathed in every empty shell that lies upon the shores of green cold umbia. Here the lank gentleman sat down again amidst a great sensation and everyone looked very grave. General Choke said, Mr. Lafayette Kettle, you warm my heart, sir, you warm my heart, but the British lion is not unrepresented here, sir, and I should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks. Upon my word cried Martin, laughing, since you do me the honour to consider me his representative, I have only to say that I never heard of Queen Victoria reading what's his name Gazette and that I should scarcely think it probable. General Choke smiled upon the rest and said, in patient and benignant explanation, it is sent to her, sir, it is sent to her, her mail. But if it is addressed to the Tower of London it hardly come to hand, I fear, returned to Martin, for she don't live there. The Queen of England, gentlemen, observed Mr. Tapley, affecting the greatest politeness and regarding them with an immovable face, usually lives in the mint to take care of the money. She has lodgings in virtue of her office with the Lord Mayor at the mansion house, but don't often occupy them in consequence of the parlor chimney smoking. Mark, said Martin, I shall be very much obliged to you if you'll have the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, however jokest they may appear to you. I was merely remarking, gentlemen, though it's a point of very little import, that the Queen of England does not happen to live in the Tower of London. General, cried Mr. Lafayette Kettle, you hear? General, echoed several others, general? Hush, pray, silence, said General Choke, holding up his hand and speaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quite touching. I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary circumstance, which I impute to the nature of British institutions and their tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and information which are so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this vast continent of the Western Ocean, that the knowledge of Britishers themselves on such points is not to be compared with that possessed by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is interesting and confirms my observation. When you say, sir, he continued, addressing Martin, that your Queen does not reside in the Tower of London, you fall into an error not uncommon to your countrymen. Even when their abilities and moral elements air such as to command respect, but, sir, you air wrong, she does live there. When she is at the Court of St. James's in her posed kettle, when she is at the Court of St. James's, of course, returns the General in the same benign way, for if her location was in Windsor Pavilion, it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your Tower of London, sir, pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness of his knowledge, is naturally your royal residence. Being located in the immediate neighborhood of your parks, your drives, your triumphant arches, your opera, and your royal almox, it naturally suggests itself was the place for holding a luxurious and thoughtless Court. And consequently, said the General, consequently the Court is held there. Have you been in England, asked Martin? In print I have, sir, said the General, not otherwise. We air a reading people here, sir. You will meet with much information among us that will surprise you, sir. I have not the least doubt of it, returned Martin, but here he was interrupted by Mr. Lafayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear, you know General Choke? No, returned Martin in the same tone. You know what he is considered? One of the most remarkable men in the country, said Martin at a venture. That's a fact, rejoined Kettle. I was sure you must have heard of him. I think, said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, that I have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction to you, sir, from Mr. Bevan of Massachusetts, he added, giving it to him. The General took it and read it attentively, now and then stopping to glance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he came over to Martin, sat down by him and shook hands. Well, he said, and you think of settling in Eden. Subject to your opinion and the agent's advice, replied Martin, I told there is nothing to be done in the Old Towns. I can introduce you to the agent, sir, said the General. I know him. In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself. This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stress upon the Generals, having no connection, as he thought, with any land company, and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice. The General explained that he had joined the Corporation only a few weeks ago, and no communication had passed between himself and Mr. Bevan since. We have very little to venture, said Martin anxiously, only a few pounds, but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of my profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it? Well, observed the General gravely, if there wasn't any hope or chance in the speculation, it wouldn't have engaged my dollars, I opinionate. I don't mean for the sellers, said Martin, for the buyers, for the buyers. For the buyers, sir, observed the General in a most impressive manner. Well, you come from an old country, from a country, sir, that has piled up golden calves as high as babble, and worshipped them for ages. We are a new country, sir. Man is in a more primeval state here, sir. We have not the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of time into degenerate practices. We have no false gods. Man, sir, here, is man in all his dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir, said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent himself and the villainous-looking umbrella it was, a very bad counter to stand for the sterling coin of his benevolence. Here am I with gray hairs, sir, in a moral sense. Would I with my principles invest capital in this speculation if I didn't think it full of hopes and chances for my brother man? Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York and found it difficult. What are the great United States for, sir, pursued the General, if not for the regeneration of man? But it is natural in you to make such an inquiry, for you come from England and you do not know my country. Then you think, said Martin, that allowing for the hardships we are prepared to undergo, there is a reasonable, heaven knows, we don't expect much, a reasonable opening in this place? A reasonable opening in Eden, sir? But see the agent, see the agent, see the maps and plans, sir, and conclude to go or stay according to the nature of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go begging yet, sir, remarked the General. It is an awful lovely place, surely, and frightful wholesome likewise, said Mr. Kettle, who had made himself a party to this conversation as a matter of course. Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason than because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would be ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise to put him in personal communication with the agent, and concluded to see that officer next morning. He then begged the General to inform him who the water toast sympathizers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr. Lafayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their sympathy. To which the General, looking very serious, made answer that he might fully enlighten himself on those points tomorrow by attending a great meeting of the body, which would then be held at the town to which they were traveling. Over which, sir, said the General, my fellow citizens have called on me to preside. They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to the railway was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital on which was painted National Hotel. There was a wooden gallery or veranda in front, in which it was rather startling when the train stopped to behold a great many pairs of boots and shoes and the smoke of a great many cigars, but no other evidences of human habitation. By slow degrees, however, some heads and shoulders appeared, and connecting themselves with the boots and shoes led to the discovery that certain gentlemen boarders who had a fancy for putting their heels where the gentlemen boarders in other countries usually put their heads were enjoying themselves after their own manner in the cool of the evening. There was a great bar room in this hotel and a great public room in which the General Table was being set out for supper. There were interminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairs and downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sided veranda to every story in the house, which formed a large brick square with an uncomfortable courtyard in the center where some clothes were drying. Here and there some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down with their hands in their pockets, but within the house and without, wherever half a dozen people were collected together, there in their looks, dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation were Mr. Jefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr. Lafayette Kettle over and over and over again. They did the same things, said the same things, judged all subjects by, and reduced all subjects to the same standard. Observing how they lived and how they were always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin even began to comprehend their being the social, cheerful, winning, airy men they were. At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went trooping down from all parts of the house to the public room, while from the neighboring stores other guests came flocking in in shoals. For half the town, married folks as well as single, resided at the national hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast, preserves, and bread and butter were swallowed with the usual ravaging speed, and then, as before, the company dropped off by degrees and lounged away to the desk, the counter, or the bar room. The ladies had a smaller ordinary of their own to which their husbands and brothers were admitted if they chose, and in all other respects they enjoyed themselves as at Pawkins's. Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his little chamber, we must hold a solemn counsel for our fate is decided tomorrow morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yours in the common stock, are you? If I hadn't been determined to make that winter, sir, answered Mr. Tapley, I shouldn't have come. How much is there here, did you say? asked Martin, holding up a little bag. Thirty-seven pound, ten and six pence. The Savings Bank said so, at least. I never counted it, but they know, bless you, said Mark with a shake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdom and arithmetic of those institutions. The money we brought with us, said Martin, is reduced to a few shillings less than eight pounds. Mr. Tapley smiled and looked all manner of ways that he might not be supposed to attach any importance to this fact. Upon the ring, her ring, Mark, said Martin, looking roofily at his empty finger. Ah, sighed Mr. Tapley, beg your pardon, sir. We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So even with that, your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the two, you see. Now, Mark, said Martin in his old way, just as he might have spoken to Tom Pinch, I have thought of a means of making this up to you, more than making it up to you, I hope, and very materially elevating your prospects in life. Oh, don't talk of that, you know, sir, returned Mark. I don't want no elevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I am. No, but hear me, said Martin, because this is very important to you and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner in the business, an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additional capital, my professional knowledge and ability, and half the annual profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours. End of Chapter 21, Part 1. Chapter 21, Part 2 of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens. Chapter 21, Part 2. Poor Martin, forever building castles in the air, forever in his very selfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguine plans, swelling at that instant with the consciousness of patronizing and most munificently rewarding Mark. I don't know, sir, Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was, though from a very different cause than Martin supposed. What I can say to this and the way of thanking you, I'll stand by you, sir, to the best of my ability and to the last, that's all. We quite understand each other, my good fellow, said Martin, rising in self-approval and condescension. We are no longer master and servant, but friends and partners, and are mutually gratified. If we determine on Eden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under the name, said Martin, who never hammered upon an idea that wasn't red-hot, under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley. Lord love you, sir, cried Mark, don't have my name in it. I ain't acquainted with the business, sir, I must be co, I must. I've often thought, he added in a low voice, as I should like to know a co, but I little thought as ever I should live to be one. You shall have your own way, Mark. Thank you, sir. If any country gentlemen thereabouts in the public way or otherwise wanted such a thing as a skittle ground made, I could take that part of the business, sir. Against any architect in the state, said Martin, get a couple of Sherry Cobbler's mark and will drink success to the firm. Either he forgot already, and often afterwards, that they were no longer master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be among the legitimate functions of the co. But Mark obeyed with his usual alacrity, and before they parted for the night, it was agreed between them that they should go together to the agents in the morning, but that Martin should decide the Eden question on his own sound judgment. And Mark made no merit, even to himself and his jollity of this concession, perfectly well knowing that the matter would come to that in the end anyway. The general was one of the party at the public table next day, and after breakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent without loss of time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed, so off they all forced started for the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost within rifle shot of the National Hotel. It was a small place, something like a turnpike, but a great deal of land maybe got into a dice box. And why may not a whole territory be bargained for in a shed? It was, but a temporary office, too, for the Edeners were going to build a curb establishment for the transaction of their business, and had already got so far as to mark out the site, which is a great way in America. The office door was wide open, and in the doorway was the agent. No doubt a tremendous fellow to get through his work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but was swinging backwards and forwards in a rocking chair, with one of his legs planted high up against the door post, and the other doubled up under him as if he were hatching his foot. He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat and a coat of green stuff. The weather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar wide open, so that every time he spoke, something was seen to twitch and jerk up in his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when the notes are struck. Perhaps it was the truth, feebly endeavoring to leap to his lips. If so, it never reached them. Two gray eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them had no sight in it and stood stock still. With that side of his face, he seemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile had a distinct expression, and when the movable side was most in action, the rigid one was in its coldest state of watchfulness. It was like turning the man inside out to pass to that view of his features in his liveliest mood to see how calculating and intent they were. Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummet line, but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes as if the crow whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them in a savage recognition of his kindred nature as a bird of prey. Such was the man whom they now approached and whom the general saluted by the name of Scatter. Well, general, he returned, and how are you? Active and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympathetic cause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr. Scatter. He shook hands with each of them. Nothing is done in America without shaking hands. Then went on rocking. I think I know what business you have brought these strangers here upon, then, general. Well, sir, I expect you may. You are a tonguey person, general, for you talk too much, and that's fact, said Scatter. You speak a-larming well in public, but you didn't ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now, if I can realize your meaning, ride me on a rail, return to the general after pausing for consideration. You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any loafer as might bid, said Scatter, but had concluded to reserve them for aristocrats of Nader, yes. They are here, sir, cried the general with warmth. They are here, sir. If they are here, returns the agent and reproachful accents, that's enough, but you didn't ought to have your dander ris with me, general. The general whispered Martin that Scatter was the honestest fellow in the world and that he wouldn't have given him a fence designedly for ten thousand dollars. I do my duty and I raise the dander of my fellow critters as I wish to serve, said Scatter, in a low voice, looking down the road and rocking still. They rile up rough along with my objecting to their selling Eden off too cheap. That's human Nader, well. Mr. Scatter, said the general, assuming his oratorical deportment, sir, here is my hand and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and ask your pardon. These gentlemen are friends of mine or I would not have brought him here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at present go entirely too cheap, but these are friends, sir, these are particular friends. Mr. Scatter was so satisfied by this explanation that he shook the general warmly by the hand and got out of the rocking chair to do it. He then invited the general's particular friends to accompany him into the office. As to the general, he observed with his usual benevolence that, being one of the company, he wouldn't interfere in the transaction on any account, so he appropriated the rocking chair to himself and looked at the prospect, like a good Samaritan waiting for a traveler. Heyday, cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupied one whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it, but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, a homely desk and a stool. Heyday, what's that? That's Eden, said Scatter, picking his teeth with a sort of young bayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring. Why, I had no idea it was a city. Hadn't you? Oh, it's a city. A flourishing city, too, an architectural city. There were banks, churches, cathedrals, marketplaces, factories, hotels, stores, mansions, wharves, an exchange, a theater, public buildings of all kinds, down to the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal, all faithfully depicted in the view before them. Dear me, it's really a most important place, cried Martin, turning round. Oh, it's very important, observed the agent. But I am afraid, said Martin, glancing again at the public buildings, that there's nothing left for me to do. Well, it ain't all built, replied the agent, not quite. This was a great relief. The marketplace now, said Martin, is that built? That, said the agent, putting his toothpick into the weathercock on the top? Let me see. No, that ain't built. Rather a good job to begin with, eh, Mark? whispered Martin, nudging him with his elbow. Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance, had been eyeing the plan and the agent, by turns, merely rejoined, uncommon. A dead silence ensued. Mr. Scatter, in some short recesses or vacations of his toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, and blew the dust off the roof of the theater. I suppose, said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan, but showing by his tremulous voice how much depended in his mind upon the answer. I suppose there are several architects there. There ain't a single one, said Scatter. Mark, whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve. Do you hear that? But whose work is all this before us, then? he asked, aloud. The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grow spontaneous, perhaps, said Mark. He was on the agent's dark side as he said it, but Scatter instantly changed his place and brought his active eye to bear upon him. Feel of my hands, young man, he said. What for? asked Mark, declining. Are they dirty or are they clean, sir? said Scatter, holding them out. In a physical point of view, they were decidedly dirty. But it being obvious that Mr. Scatter offered them for examination in a figurative sense as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronounce them pure as the driven snow. I entreat, Mark, he said with some irritation, that you will not obtrude remarks of that nature which, however harmless and well-intentioned, are quite out of place and cannot be expected to be very agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised. The coas of putting his foot in it already, thought Mark. He must be a sleeping partner. Fast asleep and snoring, co-must, I see. Mr. Scatter said nothing, but he set his back against the plan and thrust his toothpick into the desk some twenty times, looking at Mark all the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy. You haven't said whose work it is, Martin ventured to observe at length in a tone of mild propitiation. Never mind whose work it is or isn't, said the agent sulkily. No matter how it did eventuate, perhaps he cleared off handsome with a heap of dollars. Perhaps he wasn't worth a cent. Perhaps he was a loaf and rowdy. Perhaps a ring-tailed rower. Now. All your doing, Mark, said Martin. Perhaps, pursued the agent, them ain't plants of Eden's raising. No. Perhaps that desk and stool ain't made from Eden lumber. No. Perhaps no end of squatters ain't gone out there. No. Perhaps there ain't no such location in the territory of the great United States. Oh, no. I hope you are satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark, said Martin. But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the general interposed and called out to scatter from the doorway to give his friends the particulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it, which, having belonged to the company formerly, had lately lapsed again into their hands. You are a deal-to-open-handed, general, was the answer. It is a lot as should be rose in price, it is. He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding and always keeping his bright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenience to himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read it greedily and then inquired, Now, where upon the plan may this place be? Upon the plan, said Scatter, Yes. He turned towards it and reflected for a short time as if, having been put upon his metal, he was resolved to be particular to the very minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling his toothpicks slowly round and round in the air as if it were a carrier pigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the drawing and pierced the very center of the main wharf through and through. There, he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall, that's where it is. Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his co, and his co saw that the thing was done. The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected, though, for Scatter was caustic and ill-humored and cast much unnecessary opposition in the way, at one time requesting them to think of it and call again in a week or a fortnight, at another predicting that they wouldn't like it, at another offering to retract and let them off and muttering strong implications upon the folly of the general. But the whole of the astoundingly small sum total of purchase money, it was only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something more than thirty pounds of the capital brought by co into the architectural concern, was ultimately paid down, and Martin's head was two inches nearer the roof of the little wooden office with the consciousness of being a landed proprietor in the thriving city of Eden. If it shouldn't happen to fit, said Scatter, as he gave Martin the necessary credentials on receipt of his money, don't blame me. No, no, he replied merrily, will not blame you. General, are you going? I am at your service, sir, and I wish you, said the general, giving him his hand with grave cordiality, joy of your possession. You err now, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly civilized dominion that has ever graced the world, a dominion, sir, where man is bound to man in one vast bond of equal love and truth. May you, sir, be worthy of your adopted country. Martin thanked him and took leave of Mr. Scatter, who had resumed his post in the rocking chair immediately on the general's rising from it, and was once more swinging away as if he had never been disturbed. Mark looked back several times as they went down the road towards the national hotel, but now his blighted profile was towards them, and nothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangely different to the other side, he was not a man much given to laughing and never laughed outright, but every line in the print of the crow's foot and every little wiry vein in that division of his head was wrinkled up into a grin. The compound figure of death and the lady at the top of the old ballad was not divided with a greater nicety and had in halves more monstrously unlike each other than the two profiles of Zephaniah Scatter. The general posted along at a great rate for the clock was on the stroke of twelve, and at that hour precisely the great meeting of the water toast sympathizers was to be holding in the public room of the national hotel. Being very curious to witness the demonstration and know what it was all about, Martin kept close to the general and keeping closer than ever when they entered the hall, got by that means upon a little platform of tables at the upper end, where an armchair was set for the general and Mr. Lafayette Kettle as secretary was making a great display of some fool's cap documents. Screamers, no doubt. Well, sir, he said, as he shook hands with Martin, here is a spectacle calculated to make the British lion put his tail between his legs and howl with anguish, I expect. Martin certainly thought it possible that the British lion might have been rather out of his element in that arc, but he kept the idea to himself. The general was then voted to the chair on the motion of a pallid lad of the Jefferson Brick School who forthwith set in for a high-spiced speech with a good deal about hearths and homes in it and unriveting the chains of tyranny. Oh, but it was a clincher for the British lion it was. The indignation of the glowing young Colombian knew no bounds. If he could only have been one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't he have peppered that same lion and been to him as another brute tamer with a wire whip, teaching him lessons not easily forgotten. Lion, cried that young Colombian, where is he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let me have him here, here, said the young Colombian in a wrestling attitude upon this sacred altar. Here, cried the young Colombian, idealizing the dining table. Upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious blood, poured out like water on our native plains of Chikabiti lick. Bring forth that lion, said the young Colombian. Alone I dare him. I taunt that lion. I tell that lion that freedom's hand once twisted in his mane. He rolls a course before me and the eagles of the great republic laugh. Ha-ha. When it was found that the lion didn't come but kept out of the way, that the young Colombian stood there with folded arms alone in his glory and consequently that the eagles were no doubt laughing wildly on the mountaintops, such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon the horse-guards' clock and changed the very mean time of the day in England's capital. Who is this? Martin telegraphed to Lafayette. The secretary wrote something very gravely on a piece of paper, twisted it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was an improvement on the old sentiment, perhaps as remarkable a man as any in our country. This young Colombian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquent as he who drew down storms of cheers, but both remarkable youths, in their great excitement for your true poetry can never stoop to details, forgot to say with whom or what the water-toasters sympathized, and likewise why or wherefore they were sympathetic. Thus Martin remained for a long time as completely in the dark as ever, until at length a ray of light broken upon him through the medium of the secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past proceedings, made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that the water-toast association sympathized with a certain public man in Ireland who held a contest upon certain points with England. And that they did so because they didn't love England at all, not by any means because they loved Ireland much, being indeed horribly jealous and distrustful of its people always, and only tolerating them because of their working hard, which made them very useful, labor being held in greater indignity in the simple republic than in any other country upon earth. This rendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the water-toast association put forth, nor was he long in suspense, for the general rose to read a letter to the public man which with his own hands he had written. Thus, said the general, thus, my friends and fellow citizens, it runs, Sir, I address you on behalf of the water-toast association of United sympathizers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America, and now holds its breath and swells the blue veins in its forehead, nigh to bursting as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympathetic ardor your noble efforts in the cause of freedom. At the name of freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all the sympathizers roar it aloud, cheering with nine times nine and nine times over. In freedom's name, sir, holy freedom, I address you. In freedom's name, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your society. In freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to that accursed animal with gore-stained whiskers whose rampant cruelty and fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment to the world. The naked visitors to Crusoe's Island, sir, the flying wives of Peter Wilkins, the fruit-smeared children of the tangled bush, nay, even the men of large stature anciently bred in the mining districts of Cornwall, alike bear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the cormorants, the blunderbores, the great fiefo-fums named in history all, all exterminated by its destroying hand. I allude, sir, to the British lion. Devoted mind and body, heart and soul, to freedom, sir, to freedom, blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar door, the oyster in his pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle of your country in his shelly lair, in her unsullied name we offer you our sympathy. O, sir, in this our cherished and our happy land, her fires burn bright and clear and smokeless. Once lighted up in yours, the lion shall be roasted whole. I am, sir, in freedom's name, your affectionate friend and faithful sympathizer, Cyrus Choke, General USM. It happened that just as the general began to read this letter, the railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England, and a packet had been handed into the secretary, which, during its perusal and the frequent cheerings and homage to freedom, he had opened. Now its contents disturbed him very much, and the moment the general sat down he hurried to his side and placed in his hand a letter and several printed extracts and published newspapers, to which, in a state of infinite excitement, he called his immediate attention. The general, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a fit state to receive any inflammable influence. But he had no sooner possessed himself of the contents of these documents than a change came over his face, involving such a huge amount of collar and passion that the noisy concourse was silent in a moment in very wonder at the sight of him. My friends, cried the general, rising, my friends and fellow citizens, we have been mistaken in this man. In what man was the cry? In this pant of the general, holding up the letter he had read aloud a few minutes before, I find that he has been and is the advocate, consistent in it always too, of nigger emancipation. If anything beneath the sky be real, those sons of freedom would have pistol-stabbed in some way slain that man by coward hands and murderous violence if he had stood among them at that time. The most confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then, nor would they ever peril, one dung-hill straw upon the life of any man in such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, trod down the pieces as they fell, and yelled and groaned and hissed till they could cry no longer. I shall move, said the general, when he could make himself heard, that the water-toast association of united sympathizers be immediately dissolved. Down with it away with it, don't hear of it, burn its records, pull the room down, blot it out of human memory. But my fellow countrymen, said the general, the contributions, we have funds, what is to be done with the funds? It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to a certain constitutional judge who had laid down from the bench the noble principal that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man, and that another piece of plate of similar value should be presented to a certain patriot who had declared from his high place in the legislature that he and his friends would hang without trial any abolitionist who might pay them a visit. For the surplus it was agreed that it should be devoted to aiding the enforcement of those free and equal laws which render it incalculably more criminal and dangerous to teach a negro to read and write than to roast him alive in a public city. These points suggested the meeting broke up in great disorder, and there was an end of the water-toast sympathy. As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the Republican banner which had been hoisted from the housetop in honor of the occasion and was fluttering before a window which he passed. Tut! said Martin. You're a gay flag in the distance, but let a man be near enough to get the light up on the other side and see through you. You are but sorry, Faustian. End of Chapter 21 Chapter 22 of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewitt. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewitt by Charles Dickens. Chapter 22, from which it will be seen that Martin became a lion of his own account, together with the reason why. As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel that the young Englishman, Mr. Chuzzlewitt, had purchased a location in the Valley of Eden and intended to be take himself to that earthly paradise by the next steamboat, he became a popular character. Why this should be or how it had come to pass, Martin no more knew than Mrs. Gamp of Kingsgate Street, High Holborn did, but that he was for the time being the lion by popular election of the water toast community and that his society was in rather inconvenient request there could be no kind of doubt. The first notification he received of this change in his position was the following epistle written in a thin running hand with here and there a fat letter or two to make the general effect more striking on a sheet of paper ruled with blue lines. National Hotel Monday morning. Dear sir, when I had the privilege of being your fellow traveler in the cars the day before yesterday, you offered some remarks upon the subject of the Tower of London, which in common with my fellow citizens generally, I could wish to hear repeated to a public audience. As secretary to the Young Men's Water Toast Association of this town, I am requested to inform you that the society will be proud to hear you deliver a lecture upon the Tower of London at their hall tomorrow evening at seven o'clock and as a large issue of quarter dollar tickets may be expected, your answer and consent by bearer will be considered obliging. Dear sir, yours truly Lafayette Kettle the Honorable M. Chuzzlewit. P.S., the society would not be particular in limiting you to the Tower of London, permit me to suggest that any remarks upon the elements of geology or if more convenient upon the writings of your talented and witty countryman the Honorable Mr. Miller would be well received. Very much aghast of this invitation, Martin wrote back civilly declining it and had scarcely done so when he received another letter. Number 47, Bunker Hill Street, Monday morning. Private. Sir, I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty Mississippi or father of waters rolls his turbid flood. I am young and ardent, for there is a poetry in wildness and every alligator basking in the slime is in himself an epic self-contained. I aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst. Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England who would undertake to pay my expenses to that country and for six months after my arrival? There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this enlightened patronage would not be thrown away. In literature or art, the bar, the pulpit or the stage, in one or other, if not all, I feel that I am certain to succeed. If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me have a list of three or four of those most likely to respond and I will address them through the post office. May I also ask you to favor me with any critical observations that have ever presented themselves to your reflective faculties on Cain, A Mystery, by the right honorable Lord Byron? I am, sir, yours, forgive me if I add soaringly. Putnam Smith, P.S. address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock and Flobey Dry Good Store as above. Both of which letters, together with Martin's reply to each, were, according to a laudable custom, much tending to the promotion of gentlemanly feeling and social confidence published in the next number of the Watertoast Gazette. He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain Kedrick, the landlord, kindly came upstairs to see how he was getting on. The captain sat down upon the bed before he spoke and finding it rather hard moved to the pillow. Well, sir, said the captain, putting his hat a little more on one side, for it was rather tight in the crown. You're quite a public man, I calculate. So it seems, retorted Martin, who was very tired, our citizens, sir, pursued the captain, intend to pay their respects to you. You will have to hold a sort of levy, sir, while you're here. Powers above, cried Martin. I couldn't do that, my good fellow. I reckon you must then, said the captain. Must is not a pleasant word, Captain, urged Martin. Well, I didn't fix the mother language and I can't unfix it, said the captain coolly. Else I'd make it pleasant. You must receive, that's all. But why should I receive people who care as much for me for them, asked Martin. Well, because I have had a monument put up in the bar, returned the captain. A what? Cried Martin. A monument rejoined the captain. Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the captain meant a written notice that Mr. Cheslowit would receive the water toasters that day, at and after two o'clock, which was in effect then hanging in the bar, as Mark, from ocular inspection of the same, could testify. You wouldn't be unpopular, I know, said the captain, paring his nails. Our citizens ain't long of riling up, I tell you, and our gazette could flay you like a wild cat. Martin was going to be very wroth, but he thought better of it and said, in heaven's name let them come then. Oh, they'll come, returned the captain. I have seen the big room fix the purpose with my eyes. Will you, said Martin, seeing that the captain was about to go, will you at least tell me this? What do they want to see me for? What have I done? And how do they happen to have such a sudden interest in me? Captain Kedgett put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the brim of his hat, lifted it a little way off his head, put it on again carefully, passed one hand all down his face beginning at the forehead and ending at the chin, looked at Martin, then at Mark, then at Martin again winked and walked out. Upon my life now, said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the table, such a perfectly unaccountable fellow as that I never saw. Mark, what do you say to this? Why, sir, returned his partner, my opinion is that we must have got to the most remarkable man in the country at last. So I hope there's an end to the breed, sir. Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn't keep him off till two o'clock. Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain Kedgett returned to hand him to the room of state, and he had no sooner got him safe there than he bawled down the staircase to his fellow citizens below that Mr. Cheslowit was receiving. Up they came with a rush, up they came until the room was full and through the open door a dismal perspective of more to come was shown upon the stairs. One after another, dozen after dozen, score after score, more, more, more up they came, all shaking hands with Martin. Such varieties of hands, the thick, the thin, the short, the long, the fat, the lean, the coarse, the fine, such differences of temperature, the hot, the cold, the dry, the moist, the flabby, such diversities of grasp, the tight, the loose, the short lived in the lingering. Still, up, up, up, more, more, more, and ever and on, the captain's voice was heard above the crowd. There's more below, there's more below. Now, gentlemen, knew that have been introduced to Mr. Cheslowit, will you clear, gentlemen, will you clear? Will you be so good as clear, gentlemen, and make a little room for more? Regardless of the captain's cries, they didn't clear at all, but stood their bolt upright and staring. Two gentlemen connected with the water-toast Gazette Express to get the matter for an article on Martin. They had agreed to divide the labor. One of them took him below the waistcoat, one above. Each stood directly in front of his subject with his head a little on one side, intent on his department. If Martin put one boot before the other, the lower gentleman was down upon him. He rubbed a pimple on his nose and the upper gentleman booked it. He opened his mouth to speak and the same gentleman was on one knee before him, looking in at his teeth with the nice scrutiny of a dentist. Amateurs in the physiognomical and phrenological sciences roved about him with watchful eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes, one more daring than the rest, made a mad grasp at the back of his head and vanished in the crowd. They had him in all points of view, in front, in profile, three-quarter face and behind. Those who were not professional or scientific audibly exchanged opinions on his looks, new lights shone in upon him in respect of his nose, contradictory rumors were abroad on the subject of his hair. And still, the captain's voice was heard so stifled by the concourse that he seemed to speak from underneath the featherbed, exclaiming, gentlemen, you that have been introduced to Mr. Cheslowit, will you clear? Even when they began to clear, it was no better. For then, a stream of gentlemen, everyone with a lady on each arm, exactly like the chorus to the national anthem when royalty goes in state to the play, came gliding in, every new group fresher than the last, and bent on stain to the latest moment. If they spoke to him, which was not often, they invariably asked the same questions in the same tone with no more remorse or delicacy or consideration than if he had been a figure of stone purchased and paid for and set up there for their delight. Even when, in the slow course of time, these died off, it was as bad as ever, if not worse. For then, the boys grew bold and came in as a class of themselves and did everything that the grown-up people had done. Uncoothed stragglers, too, appeared, man of a ghostly kind who, being in, didn't know how to get out again, in so much that one silent gentleman, with glazed and fishy eyes and only one button on his waistcoat, which was a very large metal one and shone prodigiously, got behind the door and stood there like a clock, long after everybody else was gone. Martin felt from pure fatigue and heat and worry as if he could have fallen on the ground and willingly remained there if they would but have had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and messages threatening public denouncement, if he didn't see the senders, poured in like hail and as more visitors came while he took his coffee by himself and as Mark, with all his vigilance, was unable to keep them from the door, he resolved to go to bed, not that he felt at all sure of bed being any protection, but that he might not leave a forlorn hope untried. He had communicated this design to Mark and was on the eve of escaping when the door was thrown open in a great hurry and an elderly gentleman entered, bringing with him a lady who certainly could not be considered young. That was matter of fact and probably could not be considered handsome, but that was matter of opinion. She was very straight, very tall and not at all flexible in face or figure. On her head she wore a great straw bonnet with trimmings of the same in which she looked as if she had been thatched by an unskillful laborer and she held a most enormous fan. Mr. Cheslowit, I believe, said the gentleman, that is my name. Sir, said the gentleman, I am pressed for time. Thank God, thought Martin. I go back, tow my home, sir, pursued the gentleman by the return train which starts immediate. Start is not a word you use in your country, sir. Oh yes it is, said Martin. You air mistaken, sir, returns the gentleman with great decision, but we will not pursue the subject lest it should awake your prejudice. Sir, Mrs. Harmony, Martin bowed. Mrs. Harmony, sir, is the lady of major harmony, one of our choicest spirits and belongs to one of our most aristocratic families. You air perhaps acquainted, sir, with Mrs. Harmony's writings. Martin couldn't say he was. You have much tow learn and tow enjoy, sir, said the gentleman. Mrs. Harmony is going to stay until the end of the fall, sir, with her married daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three days this side of Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show to Mrs. Harmony upon the journey will be very grateful, to the major and our fellow citizens. Mrs. Harmony, I wish you good night, ma'am, and a pleasant progress on your route. Martin could scarcely believe it, but he had gone and Mrs. Harmony was drinking the milk. Almost juiced up I am, I do declare, she observed. The jolting in the cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail was full of snags and soyers. Snags and soyers, ma'am, said Martin. Well, then I do suppose you'll hardly realize my meaning, sir, said Mrs. Harmony. My only thing, do tell. It did not appear that these expressions, including with an urgent and treaty, stood in need of any answer. For Mrs. Harmony, untieing her bonnet strings, observed that she would withdraw to lay that article of dress aside and would return immediately. Mark, said Martin, touch me will you, am I awake? Harmony is, sir, returned his partner, wrought awake. Just a sort of woman, sir, as would be discovered with her eyes wide open and her mind of working for her country's good for any hour of the day or night. They had no opportunity of saying more. For Mrs. Harmony stalked in again, very erect in proof of her aristocratic blood, and holding in her clasped hands a red cotton pocket handkerchief, perhaps a parting gift from that choice spirit the major, she had laid aside her bonnet and now appeared in a highly aristocratic and classical cap, meeting beneath her chin, a style of headdress admirably adapted to her countenance that if the late Mr. Grimaldi had appeared in the lapits of Mrs. Sidden's, a more complete effect could not have been produced. Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before he could get back to his own seat. Pray, sir, said Mrs. Harmony, where do you hail from? I am afraid I am dull of comprehension, answered Martin, being extremely tired, but upon my word you. Mrs. Harmony shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not inexpressively, that corrupt even the language in that old country, and added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his low capacity, where was you rose? Oh, said Martin, I was born in Kent. And how do you like our country, sir, asked Mrs. Harmony. Very much indeed, said Martin, half asleep. At least that is pretty well, ma'am. Most strangers and particularly Britishers are much surprised by what they see in the United States, remarked Mrs. Harmony. They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am, said Martin. I never was so much surprised in all my life. Our institutions make our people smart much, sir, Mrs. Harmony remarked. The most short-sighted man could see that at a glance with his eyes, said Martin. Mrs. Harmony was a philosopher and an authorist, and consequently had a pretty strong digestion. But this course, this indecorous phrase was almost too much for her, for a gentleman sitting alone with a lady, although the door was open, to talk about a naked eye. A long interval elapsed before even she, woman of masculine and towering intellect, though she was, could call up fortitude enough to resume the conversation. But Mrs. Harmony was a traveler. Mrs. Harmony was a writer of reviews and analytical dispositions. Mrs. Harmony had had her letters from abroad beginning my ever-dearest blank and signed The Mother of the Modern Grashi, meaning the married Mrs. Harmony, regularly printed in a public journal with all the indignation in capitals and all the sarcasm in italics. Mrs. Harmony had looked down foreign countries with the eye of a perfect Republican hot from the model oven, and Mrs. Harmony could talk or write about them by the hour together. So Mrs. Harmony at last came down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep, she had it all her own way and bruised him to her heart's content. It is no great matter what Mrs. Harmony said save that she had learned it from the cant of a class and a large class of her fellow countrymen who in their every word avowed themselves to be as senseless to the high principles on which America sprang a nation into life as any orson in her legislative halls who are no more capable of feeling or of caring if they did feel that by reducing their own country to the ebb of honest men's contempt they put in hazard the rights of nations yet unborn and very progress of the human race than are the swine who wallow in their streets who think that crying out to other nations old in their iniquity we are no worse than you no worse is high defense and vantage ground enough for that republic but yesterday let loose upon her noble course and but today so maimed and lame so full of sores and ulcers fall to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense that her best friends turned from the loathsome creature with disgust for having by their ancestors declared and won their independence because they would not bend the knee to certain public vices and corruptions and would not abrogate the truth run riot in the bad and turn their backs upon the good and lying down contented with the wretched boast that other temples also are of glass and stones which batter theirs may be flung back show themselves in that alone as immeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold and as unworthy to possess it as if the sordid huck strings of all their little governments each one a kingdom in its small depravity were brought into a heap for evidence against them martin by degrees became so far awake that he had a sense of a terrible oppression on his mind an imperfect dream that he had murdered a particular friend and couldn't get rid of the body when his eyes opened it was staring him full in the face it was the horrible hominy talking deep truths in a melodious snuffle and pouring forth her mental endowments to such an extent that the major's bitterest enemy hearing her would have forgiven him from the bottom of his heart martin might have done something desperate if the gong had not sounded for supper but sound it did most opportunity and having stationed mrs. hominy at the upper end of the table he took refuge at the lower end himself and went after a hasty meal he stole away while the lady was yet busy with dried beef and the saucer full of pickled fixings it would be difficult to give an adequate idea of mrs. hominy's freshness next day or of the avidity with which she went headlong into moral philosophy at breakfast some little additional degree of asperity perhaps was visible in her features but not more than the pickles would have naturally produced all that day she clung to martin she sat beside him while he received his friends for there was another reception yet more numerous than the former propounded theories and answered imaginary objections so that martin really began to think he must be dreaming and speaking for two she quoted interminable passages from certain essays on government written by herself used the major's pocket handkerchief as if the snuffle were a temporary reality of which she was determined to rid herself by some means or other and in short was such a remarkable companion that martin quite settled it between himself and his conscience that in any new settlement it would be absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for the general peace of society in the meantime mark was busy from early in the morning until late at night in getting on board the steamboat such provisions tools and other necessaries as they had been forewarned it would be wise to take the purchase of these things and the settlement of their bill at the national reduced their finances to so low an ebb that if the captain had delayed his departure any longer they would have been in almost as bad a plight as the unfortunate poorer immigrants who seduced on board by solemn advertisement had been living on the lower deck a whole week and exhausting their miserable stock of provisions before the voyage commenced there they were all huddled together with the engine and the fires farmers who had never seen a plow woodman who had never used an axe builders who couldn't make a box cast out of their own land with not a hand to aid them newly come into an unknown world children in helplessness but men in wants with younger children at their backs to live or die as it might happen the morning came and they would start at noon noon came and they would start at night but nothing is eternal in this world not even the procrastination of an American skipper and at night all was ready dispirited and weary to the last degree but a greater lion than ever he had done nothing all the afternoon but answer letters from strangers half of them about nothing half about borrowing money and all requiring an instantaneous reply Martin walked down to the wharf through a concourse of people with mrs. hominy upon his arm and went on board but mark was bent on solving the riddle of this lion ship if he could and so not without the risk of being left behind ran back to the hotel captain Kedzik was sitting in the colonnade with a jewel upon his knee and a cigar in his mouth he caught mark's eye and said why what the tunnel brings you here I'll tell you plainly what it is captain said mark I want to ask you a question a man may ask a question so he may returned Kedzik strongly implying that another man might not answer a question so he might not what have they been making so much of him for now said mark slyly come are people like excitement answered Kedzik sucking his cigar but how was he excited asked mark and looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden his mind of a capital joke you are going he said going cried mark ain't every moment precious are people like excitement said the captain whispering he ain't like emigrants in general and he excited him along of this he winked and burst into a smothered laugh along of this scatter is a smart man and nobody as goes to eat never comes back alive the wharf was close at hand and at that instant mark could hear them shouting out his name could even hear martin calling to him to make haste or they would be separated it was too late to mend the matter or put any face upon it but the best he gave the captain a parting benediction and ran off like a racehorse mark mark cried martin here am I sir shouted mark suddenly replying from the edge of the key and leaping at a bound on board never was half so jolly sir all right haul in go ahead the sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys as if the vessel were a great firework just lighted and they roared away upon the dark water end of chapter 22 chapter 23 of life and adventures of martin cheslewitt this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org life and adventures of martin cheslewitt by Charles Dickens chapter 23 martin and his partner take possession of their estate the joyful occasion involves some further account of Eden there happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen passengers of the same stamp as martin's work friend mr bevin and in their society he was cheerful and happy they released him as well as they could from the intellectual entanglements of mrs hominy and exhibited in all they said and did so much good sense and high feeling that he could not like them too well if this were a republic of intellect and worth he said instead of vaporing and jobbing they would not want the levers to keep it in motion having good tools and using bad ones returned mr tapley would look as if there was rather a poor sort of carpenters sir wouldn't it martin nodded as if their work were infinitely above their powers and purpose mark and they botched it in consequence the best than it is said mark that when they do happen to make a decent stroke such as better workmen with no such opportunities make every day of their lives and think nothing of they begin to sing out so surprising loud take notice of my words sir if ever the defaulting part of this here country pays its debt along with finding that not paying them won't do in a commercial point of view you see and is inconvenient in its consequences they'll take such a shine out of it and make such bragging speeches that a man might suppose no borrowed money had ever been paid for since the world was first begun that's the way they gammon each other sir bless you I know them take notice of my words now you seem to be growing profoundly gaseous cried martin laughing whether that is thought mark because I'm a day's journey nearer Eden and I'm brightening up before I die I can't say perhaps by the time I get there I shall have groat into a profit he gave no utterance to these sentiments but the excessive joviality they inspired within him and the merriment they brought upon his shining face were quite enough although he might sometimes profess to make light of his partner's inexhaustible cheerfulness and might sometimes as in the case of zephaniah scatter find him too jokous a commentator he was always sensible of the effect of his example and rousing him to a hopefulness and courage whether he were in the humor to profit by it mattered not a jot it was contagious and he could not choose but be affected at first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a day and took in others to replace them but by degrees the towns upon their route became more thinly scattered and for many hours together they would see no other habitations than the huts of the woodcutters where the vessel stopped for fuel sky wood and water all the live long day and heat that blistered everything it touched on they toiled through great solitudes where the trees upon the banks grew thick and close and floated in the stream and held up shriveled arms from out the rivers depths and slid down from the margin of the land half growing half decaying in the myri water on through the weary day and melancholy night beneath the burning sun and in the mist and vapor of the evening on until return appeared impossible and restoration to their home a miserable dream they had now but few people on board and these few as flat as dull and stagnant as the vegetation that oppressed their eyes no sound of cheerfulness or hope was heard no pleasant talk beguiled the tardy time no little group made common cause against the full depression of the scene but that at certain periods they swallowed food together from a common trough it might have been old Charone's boat conveying melancholy shades to judgment at length they drew near new thermopoly where that same evening Mrs. Homony would disembark a gleam of comfort sunk into Martin's bosom when she told him this Mark needed none but he was not displeased it was almost night when they came alongside the landing place a steep bank with a hotel like a barn on the top of it a wooden store or two and a few scattered sheds you sleep here tonight morning I suppose ma'am said Martin where should I go to cried the mother of the modern grochie to new thermopoly my ain't I there said Mrs. Homony Martin looked for it all around the darkening panorama but he couldn't see it and was obliged to say so well that's it cried Mrs. Homony pointing to the sheds just mentioned that exclaimed Martin ah that and work at which way you will it whips Eden said Mrs. Homony nodding her head with great expression the married Miss Homony who had come on board with her husband gave to this statement her most unqualified support as did that gentleman also Martin gratefully declined their invitation to regale himself at their house during the half hour of the vessel stay and having escorted Mrs. Homony and the red pocket handkerchief which was still on active service safely across the gangway returned in a thoughtful mood to watch the emigrants as they removed their goods ashore mark as he stood beside him glanced in his face from time to time anxious to discover what effect this dialogue had had upon him and not unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached their destination so that the blow he feared might be broken in its fall but saving that he sometimes looked up quickly at the poor directions on the hill he gave him no clue to what was passing in his mind until they were again upon their way mark he said then are there really none but ourselves on board this boat who are bound for Eden none at all sir most of them as you know have stopped short and the few that are left are going further on more room there for us sir oh to be sure said Martin but I was thinking where he paused yes sir observed mark how odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their fortune at a wretched hole like that for instance when there is such a much better one and such a very different kind of place near at hand as one may say he spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence and with such an obvious dread of marks reply that the good natured fellow was full of pity why you know sir as mark as gently as he could by any means insinuate the observation we must guard against being too sanguine there's no occasion for it either because we're determined to make the best of everything after we know the worst of it ain't we sir Martin looked at him but answered not a word even Eden you know ain't all built said mark in the name of heaven man cried Martin angrily don't talk of Eden in the same breath in this place are you mad there God forgive me don't think harshly of me for my temper after that he turned away and walked to and fro upon the deck full two hours nor did he speak again except to say good night until next day nor even then upon this subject but on other topics quite foreign to the purpose as they proceeded further on their track and came more and more towards their journey's end the monotonous desolation of the scene increased to that degree that for any redeeming feature it presented to their eyes they might have entered in the body on the grim domains of giant despair a flat morass be strewn with fallen timber a marsh on which the good growth of the earth seemed to have been wrecked and cast away that from its decomposing ashes violent ugly things might rise where the very trees took the aspect of huge weeds begotten of the slime from which they sprung by the hot sun that burnt them up where fatal maladies seeking whom they might in fact came forth at night in misty shapes and creeping out upon the water haunted them like specters until day where even the blessed sun shining down on festering elements of corruption and disease became a horror this was the realm of hope through which they moved at last they stopped at Eden too the waters of the deluge might have left it but a week before so choked with slime and matted growth was the hideous swamp which bore that name there being no depth of water close in shore they landed from the vessels boat with all their goods beside them there were a few log houses visible among the dark trees the best a cow shed or a rude stable but for the wharves the marketplace the public buildings here comes an Edener said Mark he'll get us help to carry these things up keep a good heart sir hello there the man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom very slowly leaning on a stick as he drew nearer they observed that he was pale and worn and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken in his head his dress of homespun blue hung about him in rags his feet and head were bare he sat down on a stump halfway and beckoned them to come to him when they complied he put his hand upon his side as if in pain and while he fetched his breath stared at them wondering strangers he exclaimed as soon as he could speak the very same said Mark how are you sir I've had the fever very bad he answered faintly I haven't stood upright these many weeks those are your notions I see pointing to their property yes sir said Mark they are you couldn't recommend us someone as would lend a hand to help carry him up to the to the town could you sir my eldest son would do it if he could replied the man but today he has his chill upon him and his lying wrapped up in the blanket my youngest died last week I'm sorry for it Governor with all my heart said Mark shaking him by the hand don't mind us come along with me and I'll give you an arm back safe enough sir to Martin there ain't many people about to make away with them what a comfort that is no, cried the man you must look for such folk here knocking his stick upon the ground or yonder in the bush towards the north we've buried most of them the rest have gone away them that we have here don't come out at night the night air ain't quite wholesome I suppose said Mark it's deadly poison was the settlers answer he showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him as ambrosia but he gave the man his arm and as they went along explained to him the nature of their purchase and inquired where it lay close to his own log house he said so close that he had used their dwelling as a store house for some corn they must excuse it that night but he would endeavor to get it taken out upon the morrow he then gave them to understand as an additional scrap of local chit chat that he had buried the last proprietor with his own hands a piece of information which Mark also received without the least abatement of his equanimity in a word he conducted them to a miserable cabin rudely constructed of the trunks of trees the door of which had either fallen down or been carried away long ago and which was consequently open to the wild landscape in the dark night saving for the little store he had mentioned it was perfectly clear of all furniture but they had left a chest upon the landing place and he gave them a rude torch in lieu of candle this latter acquisition Mark planted in the earth and then declaring that the mansion looked quite comfortable hurried Martin off again to help bring up the chest and all the way to the landing place and back Mark talked incessantly as if he would infuse into his partner's breast some faint belief that they had arrived under the most auspicious full of all imaginable circumstances but many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled strong in his passion and design of vengeance has had the firmness of his nature conquered by the raising of an air-built castle when the log hut received them for the second time Martin laid down upon the ground and wept aloud Lord love you sir cried Mr. Tapley in great terror don't do that don't do that sir anything but that it helped man woman or child over the lowest fence yet sir and it never will besides it's being of no use to you it's worse than of no use to me for the least sound of it will knock me flat down I can't stand up again it sir anything but that there is no doubt he spoke the truth for the extraordinary alarm with which he looked at Martin as he paused upon his knees before the chest in the act of unlocking it to say these words sufficiently confirmed him I ask your forgiveness a thousand times my dear fellow said Martin I couldn't have helped it if death had been the penalty ask my forgiveness said Mark with his accustomed cheerfulness as he proceeded to unpack the chest the head partner asking forgiveness of coal a there must be something wrong in the firm when that happens I must have the books inspected and the accounts gone over immediate here we are everything in his proper place here's the salt pork here's the biscuit here's the whiskey uncommon good at smells too here's the tin pot this tin pot's a small fort in itself here's the blankets here's the axe who says we ain't got a first rate fit out I feel as if I was a cadet gone out to Indy and my noble father was chairman of the board of directors now when I've got some water from the stream before the door and mixed to grog cried Mark out to suit the action to the word there's a supper ready comprising every delicacy of the season here we are sir all complete for what we are going to receive et cetera Lord bless you sir it's very like a gypsy party it was impossible not to take heart in the company of such a man as this Martin sat upon the ground beside the box took out his knife and ate and drank sturdily now you see said Mark when they had a hearty meal with your knife and mine I sticks this blanket right up for the door or where in the state of high civilization the door would be and very neat it looks then I stops the aperture below by putting the chest again it and very neat that looks then there's your blanket sir then here's mine and what's to hinder our passing a good night for all his lighthearted speaking as long before he slept himself he wrapped his blanket around him put the axe ready to his hand and lay across the threshold of the door too anxious and too watchful to close his eyes the novelty of their dreary situation the dread of some rapacious animal or human enemy the terrible uncertainty of their means of subsistence the apprehension of death the immense distance and the hosts of obstacles between themselves in England were fruitful sources of disquiet in the deep silence of the night though Martin would have had him think otherwise Mark felt that he was waking also and a parade of the same reflections this was almost worse than all for if he began to brood over their miseries instead of trying to make head against them there could be little doubt that such a state of mind would powerfully assist the influence of the pestilent climate never had the light of day been half so welcome to his eyes as when awaking from a fitful dose Mark saw it shining through the blanket and the doorway he stole out gently for his companion was sleeping now and having refreshed himself by washing in the river where it slowed before the door took a rough survey of the settlement there were not above a score of cabins in the hole half of these appeared untenanted all were rotten and decayed the most tottering abject and forlorn among them was called with great propriety the bank and national credit office it had some feeble props about it but was settling deep down in the mud past all recovery here and there an effort had been made to clear the land and something like a field had been marked out where among the stumps and ashes of burnt trees a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing in some quarters a snake egg fence had been begun but in no instance had it been completed and the felled logs half hidden in the soil lay moldering away three or four meager dogs wasted and vexed with hunger some long-legged pigs wandering away into the woods in search of food some children nearly naked gazing at him from the huts where all the living things he saw a fetid vapor hot and sickening as the breath of an oven got from the earth and hung on everything around and as his footprints sunk into the marshy ground a black ooze started forth to blot them out their own land was mere forest the trees had grown so thick and close that they shouldered one another out of their places and the weakest forced into shapes of strange distortion languished like cripples the best were stunted from the pressure and the want of room the systems of all grew long-ranked grass dank weeds and frowsy underwood not divisible into their separate kinds but tangled all together in a heap a jungle deep and dark with neither earth nor water at its roots but putrid matter formed of the pulpy awful of the two and of their own corruption he went down to the landing place where they had left their goods last night and there he found some half-dozen men one and forlorn to look at but ready enough to assist who helped him to carry them to the log house they shook their heads and speaking of the settlement and had no comfort to give him those who had the means of going away had all deserted it they who were left had lost their wives their children friends or brothers there and suffered much themselves most of them were ill then none were the men they had been once they frankly offered their assistance and advice and leaving him for that time went sadly off upon their several tasks Martin was by this time stirring but he had greatly changed even in one night he was very pale and languid he spoke of pains and weakness in his limbs and complained that his sight was dim and his voice feeble increasing in his own bristness as the prospect grew more and more dismal Mark brought away a door from one of the deserted houses and fitted it to their own habitat then went back again for a rude bench he had observed with which he presently returned in triumph and having put this piece of furniture outside the house arranged the notable tin pot and other such movables upon it that it might represent a dresser or a sideboard greatly satisfied with this arrangement he next rolled their cask of flour into the house and set it up on end in one corner where it served for a side table no better dining table could be required than the chest which he solemnly devoted to that useful service thence forth their blankets closed and the like he hung on pegs and nails and lastly he brought forth a great placard which Martin in the exaltation of his heart had prepared with his own hands at the national hotel bearing the inscription Chuzzlewood and Co. Architects and Surveyors which he displayed upon the most conspicuous part of the premises with as much gravity as if the thriving city of Eden had a real existence and they expected to be overwhelmed with business these here tools said Mark bringing forward Martin's case of instruments and sticking the compasses upright in a stump before the door shall be set out in the open air to show that we come provided and now if any gentleman wants a house built he better give his orders a forward other ways bespoke considering the intense heat of the weather this was not a bad morning's work but without pausing for a moment though he was streaming at every pour Mark vanished into the house again and presently reappeared with a hatchet intent on performing some impossibilities with that implement here's ugly old tree in the way sir he observed which will be all the better down we can build the oven in the afternoon there never was such a handy spot for clay as Eden is that's convenient anyhow but Martin gave him no answer he had sat the whole time with his head upon his hands gazing at the current as it rolled swiftly by thinking perhaps how fast it moved towards the open sea the high road to the home he never would behold again not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him from his mournful meditation finding all his endeavors to rouse him of no use Mark stopped in his work and came towards him don't give in sir said Mr. Tapley home Mark returned his friend what have I done in all my life that has deserved this heavy fate why sir returned Mark for the matter of that everybody as is here might say the same thing many of them with better reason perhaps than you or me hold up sir do something couldn't you ease your mind now don't you think by making some personal observations in a letter to scatter no said Martin shaking his head sorrowfully I am past that but if you're past that already returned Mark you must be ill and ought to be attended to don't mind me said Martin do the best you can for yourself you'll soon have only yourself to consider and then God speed you home and forgive me for bringing you here I am destined to die in this place I felt at the instant I set foot upon the shore sleeping or waking Mark I dreamed it all last night and I said you must be ill returned Mark tenderly and now I'm sure of it a touch of fever and ague caught on these rivers I dare say but bless you that's nothing it's only a seasoning and we must all be seasoned one way or another that's religion that is you know said Mark he only sighed and shook his head wait half a minute said Mark cheerly till I run up to one of our neighbors and ask it's best to be took and borrow a little of it to give you and tomorrow you'll find yourself as strong as ever again I won't be gone a minute don't give in while I'm away whatever you do throwing down his hatchet he sped away immediately but stopped when he had got a little distance and looked back then hurried on again now Mr. Tapley said Mark giving himself a tremendous blow in the chest by way of revival just you attended what I've got to say things as looking about as bad as they can look young man you'll not have such another opportunity for showing your jolly disposition my fine fellow as long as you live and therefore Tapley now is your time to come out strong or never end of chapter 23