 And I've always told them this is not about turning you introverts into an extrovert, it's about giving you some skills that that allow you to be a little bit more extroverted in an extroverted rewarded world. So just a couple of these things that we sprinkle in and you're going to see the benefits from that in your regular life and you don't have to make radical changes. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Now, the other one that jumped out for me and Johnny is the boldness regret. I want to take it here because I there was a small anecdote that I wanted to put here before we go into this. And the reason that I had gotten involved in self development, it was moving into my 30s, late 20s staring into my 30s. I realized that I had lived life in a certain manner and I had gotten certain results and I didn't want to repeat those results in my 30s and realized that if I wanted different results, then I was going to have to make changes. And I decided to get involved in self development as an opportunity to grow as a way to open myself up to new opportunities, to learn some skills and to learn to do things differently. And the reason that I chose self development as the vehicle to do that was that I felt that that getting involved in that would allow me to not have regrets. And the regrets, the easiest ones for me to see at that time were boldness regrets, regrets of opportunity, doing things differently to receive different results. And because as a young man, you don't have any other results to compare things to. You're only getting the results of the actions and behaviors that you have. So what else is there? And how do I find that out? And so, of course, I didn't want to get to the end of my life saying what if or if only. So I chose self development as that vehicle. And I'm glad that I did because, hey, who knows where the art of charm would or wouldn't be if I hadn't shown that path and had met AJ. Again, I mean, you guys are going to give me my day's workout because I'm going to leap over my chair again. I mean, I think that that is the that is the lesson. And you make an interesting point, Johnny, or I can sort of put a little bit of data behind the point that you're making. One of the things that happened there, if you look at if you analyze and I've done some quantitative research and some qualitative research and looked at some of the academic research on this. And at least in my reading of things, there is remarkably little variation in what people regret in the nature of regret based on. There's some on a little bit on gender, but not much. There is a tiny little bit on race. There's almost there's very little in nationality. But on age, there's one important big difference in you hit it, which is that in when people are 20, they have the two kinds of there are many kinds of regret. But the two sort of cornerstones of it are action regrets. I regret what I did in action regrets. I regret what I didn't do at age 20. We have about equal numbers of action and action regrets. But as we get older, just a little bit older, 30s, 40s, 50s in action regrets predominate. And so the story that you're telling there is a story that is a story verified by the data. The older we get, the more we regret not taking that chance. Things that we didn't do rather than things that we did do in part because some things that we did do we can repair. Now, that boldness requires action, right? So playing it safe is often in action. Being bold is taking action. So what is curious to me is in those moments where you're bold and you fail and you're bold and you choose the wrong option. What is that regret around the boldness and choosing wrong versus the inaction regret that we're talking about? Yeah, it's a really good question. And what I found is that when I give you an example of it for like starting a business, which is a big regret. So I had people who started a business and it failed and said, I shouldn't have done that. No question. But for every one of those, I probably had 25 who regretted not doing it. At the same time, I have people and there's somebody there's somebody in the book who started a business. It failed and actually didn't regret it because what he because he's sort of looking at the counterfactual and saying, you know, I would have regretted not trying this and now I tried it and it's fine. I sort of got that out of my system. So some people do regret taking a chance and failing. There's no question about that, but they're just overwhelmed by the number of people who have the different kind of regret. And not everybody and surprisingly, I was surprised by this is only anecdotal, but I was surprised by the number of people who took a risk failed and actually didn't regret it. Didn't because because what they what they were really focused on was the act itself, not the outcome. The act itself, they had some control over the outcome. They don't have full control over one of the other studies that I really enjoyed seeing. And I would love to hear some some more thoughts on this was that even people who turned up their boldness and just a bit saw an uptick in their happiness and their and their fulfillment. And that answers a lot of questions for the work that we do at the art of charm. Certainly, it's somebody who hears a podcast and went out maybe because they heard Vanessa Barnes or us talking about compliments and decided I'm going to do more comp complements this week. And then they write like my whole world has been blown apart. It's totally by the how I'm going about the day now is completely changed because of this tiny little action that had such a large change in how I feel. Hit that notification bell and if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Absolutely right. And and one of the things it's a great point. One of the things that that comes up over and over again as one of the kinds of boldness regrets is that people regret not asserting themselves, they regret not speaking up. And I had a conversation with somebody yesterday who was talking about his regrets and he said sort of sheepish. So it's oh, yeah, it's like a couple of months ago, I was at this gathering, social gathering and somebody said something kind of offensive. And I should have said something, but I didn't. And I still really bugs me. And I'm like, OK, dude, you're not alone. Like there are so many people with regrets about speaking up about asserting themselves. And just and as you say, Johnny, not to end up just a little bit. There is I mean, have to say, you know, I am a I am on the introverted side of the introvert extrovert spectrum. I mean, I grew up to become a writer. I sit in the room by myself most days. Right. And I like it. So but the evidence is pretty clear that if you can sort of try to be tiny bit more extroverted, you're probably going to be a tiny bit happier. Even though I might not like that conclusion as someone who's with my personality type. I think the evidence is pretty clear that those small acts of speaking up, of asserting yourself, of saying hello, of engaging. If you get over the hump, you feel better. For our live programs, one of the things that I would always lead off with is and we would find a lot of our our clients would be on on that spectrum a bit onto the introverted side. And I've always told them, this is not about turning you introverts into an extrovert. It's about giving you some skills that that allow you to be a little bit more extroverted in an extroverted, rewarded world. So just a couple of these things that we sprinkle in and you're going to see the benefits from that in your regular life. And you don't have to make radical changes. That's exactly right. And in another book, I wrote a little bit about this, this, how wrong we've gotten some of the introvert extrovert conversation in that there's, you know, we think of it as this. It's all Myers-Briggs fault. We think of it as this binary. You're either one or another. In fact, it's a spectrum and most people are located toward the middle of the spectrum. And so most of us are ambiverts, that is, we're neither hardcore introverts or hardcore extroverts. We're a little bit of both. And one of the things there's there's some of it in showing that the people who are most effective are the ones who are actually closer to the middle because they're ambidextrous. They can go left. They can go, you know, it's like in a sport, you can go left, you can go right. And so most of us are ambiverts. And so what you're suggesting is not you don't go from being kind of a quiet person to being dancing on the table with a light lampshade on your head like this. You go a little bit more toward the center and you go to a little bit more to the center. I think you're going to feel better and you're going to perform better in most cases. The key is just having more tools at your disposal, you know, as an introvert, if you just approach everything with a hammer, it's going to be very difficult to build the house. Sometimes you're going to need a screwdriver. You're going to need a wrench. So learning these and having these tools at your disposal, there are times where you should clam up and listen and validate emotions. And there are other times where you as a leader have to stand up and speak up. So we can't look at it as either or. And I love that we made that distinction. What stands out to me around the inaction versus action. And we're going to talk a little bit about what to do with regret and how to use it in a meaningful way is you can't really take a lesson out of inaction. You can't really, by not doing something, there's nothing to learn by taking the safe road, by not speaking up, by not being bold, by playing it safe. What is the lesson? It's the action that allows the lesson to happen. So even in failure, you could take that lesson and now know, hey, you know, that entrepreneurship, that's not for me. I don't want to be my own boss. I actually like having a nine to five or, you know what, opening that dry cleaning business, I hate that business. I don't like dealing with customers, but that's a lesson that you can learn out of action inaction. There's really nothing to be gained. Exactly. Except it's something that we've identified why it's a regret because it lingers with you. It sort of sticks in your craw. It's not it's not hot. It's kind of a dull pain and you just can't you can't shake it. It's like getting something caught in your tooth or choose your choose your metaphor. And I think that's why it sticks with people. And you have to you have to you have to do something about it. The other thing about action regrets, if you have a regret about an action and is is that you let's say that you treated somebody unkindly or you did something dishonest and people have regrets about that. In some cases, you can undo those. You can you can take an action to reverse the damage. You can do something to make restitution. You can you know, the other thing that the other thing about action regrets is that you can act in some of them and it's very psychologically healthy in certain cases is you can you can make it less painful by in an action regret of finding the silver lining. So somebody I talked to again, I mean, yesterday, talked about how his big career regret was taking a job at a certain company which was the disaster. But he said, well, at least I met my wife. So he met his wife at this place. I have I have in my database, Ken, the universality of these things is crazy. I could probably find you right now a hundred people, ninety nine ninety nine of them women who have a regret that goes like this. I shouldn't have married that person, but at least I have these two great kids. Find the silver lining. It softens the blow a little bit. But with inaction regrets, you're right. They gnaw at you. They stick with you and you and the thing is, you have to listen to that signal and then do something about it.