 I really have tried to surround myself with people who deliver value who who enrich the lives of everyone else around them. We talk about value on the podcast enough. And I also want to be that person. Remember as that person that goes above and beyond in helping others and delivering that value to others. So we're going to kick off our values episode. Now, if you've been a fan of the show for a number of years and paid attention to anything that Johnny and I said, some of you even write us about all of the notes you've taken, you've heard time and time again how important defining your values are. Value based life leads to personal happiness, mental health, well-being, and a host of other things. And one of the most common questions we get is how do I choose my values? And of course, a lot of us when we think about our values, we look to mimic others. We look to take on values that we see around us, but it can be a little overwhelming at first. It can be difficult for you to really put pen to paper. So our goal today is to talk about our values, share the company values as well as our personal values and our journey discovering these values about ourselves. And then we'll get in all the host of science behind why values matter so much. Yeah. And I also just want to start it off by saying that by understanding and learning values about values, my life had changed of how I was engaging in the day every day. You know, it's funny. I've always said that we run on scripts. And these scripts, if you haven't meticulously put it together for yourself, you've adopted one that you've gotten from family, friends, media, wherever it might be. And it wasn't specifically chosen for you. You just adopted it, decided to live by it. And your life will slowly become a result of that script. When you change the guide rails to your life and meticulously put together the values that you feel best living through, you will see your life then be a result of living through those values. And of course, today we're going to be talking about how whatever goals you choose, how we can backwards engineer what the values would be that we would need to get there. So that by living a value-based life every day, we get closer to the life we're fighting for. To those goals. And that's the thing. When most of us think about planning out what we want to do, figuring out our North Star, the first thing we think about or the first tool we think about is goal. Set up a goal and now I work towards the goal. And goals are very helpful. There's no doubt about it. And as we talked about to start this year, setting some resolutions and goals for yourself, that's fantastic. But there's also values on the other end of it. And when your values align with your goals, you have essentially endless willpower. You have the ability to push through when times get tough, when things aren't going in your way, when that goal feels further off into the distance. Well, you mentioned about times getting tough, they're going to. That's just part of life. There's ups and downs, ebb and flow, trauma, loss, victory, success. All these things are going to play a role. And in each one of these things, and this goes back to something that Stephen Hayes has talked about how our body works like a calculator that doesn't have no subtraction or delete. You can only enter things in and then you have to compensate for what you've entered in. So those losses and trauma and victories, they're all going to be crammed in there. And you have to go about your life with those things adding up, and it gets more and more difficult. However, by putting together those values, you have something you can lean on every day to get you through that when everything else because of that trauma and loss seems to muddy the waters. It doesn't give you a clear picture of which way you should be going. In order to not have to worry about that, you just push through and leaning into those values, and they'll carry you through whatever dark, muddy waters are there. And this is not to get confused with value, which is another topic we've talked a lot about on the show. Value is what we give to others, and we define that as attention, appreciation, and acceptance. But what we're talking about here is those core motivators in your life that you want to live your life by. And these become very clear in all of your decision-making. I know we had a decision-making month theme back in, I believe, August. And decisions are complicated to begin with. And if we're not clear on our values, if we're not clear where we stand or what's worth fighting for, then it's very easy to become indecisive. I also think in today's world, we've sort of lost sight of the railings that hold us together, these values that we can lean on, exactly what you were saying about when there's times to make difficult decisions. And if you don't have these values to lean on, then the idea of being a principled person falls apart. If you don't have anything to lean on, and you're not principled, or there's no principle set up to lean on, then you become very unwaverly in who you are and what you stand for. It makes decision-making incredibly difficult. And it also makes the people around you uneasy, because if they can't recognize patterns of principle within you. Where you stand, where you wish you washi, if you are wavering in your viewpoint and unsure of yourself. Well, of course, that's going to lead to people not feeling at ease or comfortable around you. And this brings up a good point. Why are we on a podcast dedicated to self-improvement, of course, but really focusing on how we communicate with one another and build relationships and conversation? Why are we so concerned about values which are internal? Guess what? These values influence who you spend your time with, who you build relationships with, who you seek out, who's in your network. So they are important to define. And for a lot of our younger listeners and even our younger participants in our coaching programs, bootcamp especially, picking those values for the first time or thinking about it can be a little bit daunting, a little bit scary. If I don't really know what I value or, you know what, I have 20 things that I value. How do I pick the top five? We'll get into that. But I want to talk a little bit about the problem with goals and goals alone, because goals are all about something in the future. They're a desired outcome. Values are more encompassing than that. Values are the deeper motivations that get you excited, that get you fired up. When your goals spring from those values, then magic really happens. So when we were getting ready for this show, we were talking with Michael about how excited we were to share our values, because I think for a lot of our listeners they probably picked up on them here or there. But I don't think they fully know what our values are. Well, I also want to state that even for myself, when I was younger and I would hear about these things, I would brush them aside. Why? Because I was like, I know what my values are. I'm good. I have values. I don't need to do it. I don't need to do the exercise. However, we're going to talk about how to do this exercise. But upon doing it, and this goes with anything when it comes to writing it out, the ideas and the thoughts and the goals and the aspirations that you might hold in your brain are just that. They're thoughts. And there's not much weight to them until they go to paper or until you've given them enough attention to where those thoughts have then turned to beliefs. But even so, they need to be actually articulated for you to understand what those beliefs are. This is why for a lot of the guys, the clients who come through our programs, why, how they view the world coming in is different when they leave. Why? Because they had the opportunity to articulate to themselves some ideas that weren't ever fully fleshed out. And because of that, they were nebulous. They couldn't, the proper filter or lens, I like to call it, could never be completely built. But once it's articulated, that lens then comes to fruition. And now you're solidly looking through it. And you're not swayed. You're not influenced by things that take you off course. That's the point of value based living is that it gives you a level of resilience. Because listen, sometimes you're not going to be able to achieve those goals. Sometimes it's not up to you. There are other factors that go into those goals. And what happens when you don't achieve your goals are you set up for success. And that's really where the values come in. And studies show that very goal oriented people sometimes have a fragile sense of self. So what that means is when all your focus on is external outcomes and factors and motivations, when things don't align, when you don't reach those goals, your sense of self is going to collapse. It's going to crumble. It's going to lead to a lot of inner turmoil and stress. But if your values are solid and clear, even missing a goal is not going to shake or rattle you, because those goals are in alignment with those deeper values. And this to throw it back to something our first guest of the year, Dr. Judy Ho had brought up when she brought out her life acronym and the very first part of that was low self-esteem shaky self. And as you were just mentioning it, if you're focused on that and you don't have the steps that it takes to get there, you can easily get knocked off course because there is no plan. And listen, it's okay for your values to change. When I think about starting this company 13 years ago and throwing myself into coaching, my values at that stage in my life were very much around proving other people wrong. So I had doubters, I had people who, and we've talked about this, family members even, who didn't believe in what I was doing or the choices I was making. And out of that, some of my values were actually unhealthy. When you're trying to prove it to someone else and your values are not anchored to yourself, well, all of a sudden you're going to find yourself between a rock and a hard place and frustrated. And I valued socialization to the extreme, going out constantly because I was introvert. I was trying to work through that introversion. I was trying to gain all these skills to be a good coach. And now that I'm in my 30s, I don't value that as much. I don't value going out and going crazy socializing as much as I did in my 20s. And that's fine. Well, the goals have changed. And so if the goals have changed, then so did the steps in getting there. Yeah, so I want to point out that as we talk about our values and unpack our own, it has been a journey for us. There have been values that we tried that didn't work for us that we'll get into. And understanding that it's not set in stone. We're not carving this out and stamping it on our tombstone and saying, these are your values for the rest of your life. But values serve a very important purpose in your life. And, you know, this is something that I learned growing up being raised Roman Catholic. Obviously, there are a lot of values instilled by the church. And those values then lead to goals lead to the way we interact with one another, the way we treat one another. So that's what we're getting into today is how do we develop our own values that matter to us? And now with all of the guests we've had over the last couple of years, we now realize that when we plug in those values with some great goals, that willpower component that we're struggling with, the getting up, the going out the door to work out, that shrinks. It doesn't have to be so difficult for us if we only focus on the external. Now, one thing that I do want to point out is that when we're talking about values, how important they are, it's not about discarding your goals now and saying, Oh, I have no goals. I just live in a life of values. They go hand in hand. They're synergistic and they are important here. So how do we go about finding our values? Well, when you think about values, what do you stand for? How do you want to behave as a human? How do you want people to view you? What do you want to hear them say behind your back? These are good starting points to start building those principles that you live by, as Johnny was saying earlier. We've talked about how important it is for companies to build out their set of values, that everyone on the team knows, Okay, this action that I'm taking is in line with our values. I feel good. I know that I'm moving the needle forward. Something else to go along with that. We have a guest coming up and it's going to be in a few months, but his name's Kevin Cruz and he wrote a book called Leaders Don't Have Rules. One of his points in the book was just that. Leaders don't have rules that they live by. They live by values. He was talking about the importance of getting your team to rally around those values so that everyone is on the same field. Whereas if we give people rules, there's all sorts of objections of I don't like to live in rules. I'm a rebel or I don't like people telling me what to do or just figuring out ways to tweak the rules, to get one over on the rules, to find the loopholes that we know those people as well. That's all there. Once there is rules and I think there's just something innate in humans of wanting to break the rules. But if you can get everyone to subscribe to the same values, well now things are completely different and you may interpret them differently than the person sitting next to you, but they're still holding true to that same value. There's usually a mutual respect that can go along with your approach to it as long as you're still having that same value. And when it comes to corporate culture and building this company, we didn't start with the values first. We kind of all came in, jumped in, started working with our own value set that we were bringing to the table. And there was a lot of times in this company's history where the values weren't in alignment. We didn't put them to paper. We didn't commit to them. And then we would get frustrated because team members were not doing what we wanted them to do. But that comes from the top. And someone who's run the company, I now realize not only the importance of values in my own life, but also the importance of instilling values in the team and the way that we want to treat our customers, the way that we want to be seen, the way that we want to be treated as well. And just to go back to that point, rules certainly doesn't work. People tend to think that you're trying to put them in a box when you hand them rules as well. I can even, as someone who sees himself as a creative, the minute I hear rules, that's my first thought, because what if my creativity has me venturing outside these rules and now you're neutering me, so to speak, to be able to do what I do? However, if we're rallying around values, that completely changes. And let's say, for instance, a value is loyalty. So a company's value is loyalty. Well, for Johnny, that might mean following up with customers who just came through in the last month. For another team member, that might be sending a birthday message on Facebook to cheer up our customers. So even having a value of loyalty, each person is going to respond to it differently, but it's a framework to start from. So I would like to dig into my values. And they've been a work in progress. I'm not going to lie. And in talking a lot with Amy over the last six years of our relationship, they've evolved over time. But the one, and I think we can all sort of pick up on this from the trajectory of the company, the first and most important value to me has always been deliver value. Sometimes to a fault, right? We hear a lot on the show. The show is so dense. You guys go into these topics. I want to learn more about you, but I really have tried to surround myself with people who deliver value, who enrich the lives of everyone else around them. We talk about value on the podcast enough. And I also want to be that person. Remember, as that person that goes above and beyond in helping others and delivering that value to others. Well, that's why it's the first role in the company or the first value in the company, above and beyond. And understanding that there are going to be times where it's difficult. And there's certainly been times when Amy has been a little frustrated. But that commitment to going above and beyond has allowed us to build a team that not only supports one another, but then supports everyone who comes through our doors. And I view it the same in all of my personal relationships. I want to be there for my fiance. I want to be there for my friends. I want to be there for my family. And when you think of that and the way it works, you can, for me, it's to make sure that the listener of this podcast gets a lot out of it. And for me, it is for the person who comes through a program knows that we are there for their journey. And we are going to be there when you sign up. We're going to be there when you come through. And of course, all the systems that are in place for you when you leave. And I continuously let the guys know that I'm always here. And one of the things that I say is I have time for everybody. It's just a matter of me finding when that time is. But if you let me know you have something that you want to discuss or an idea or a problem, you text me, you send me an email and I will send out Calendly Invite and we will figure out a time. And listen, we've been in the self development space for a long time over a decade. And when we started and we met a number of people doing coaching, social skills coaching, personal development coaching, leadership coaching. And I've met coaches whose viewpoint is we start working together when the check clears and we stop working together when the seminar is over. And that's how they live their life. We have never as a company entertained that idea. All of our alumni have our personal phone numbers. We talked to alumni who've come through the program nine, 10, 11 years ago. And I feel that not only is that in line with my value, it becomes very easy for me. It's not a willpower thing. It's not a, oh, my God, I have to answer this person. Oh, God, I have to help this person out. It's in my ethos. And of course, as someone who's led the company, it's infused into the company's ethos. And it's one of the most important lessons that we try to teach in all of our programs. Well, I think you could also say a lot for the people or the podcasters and the coaches that we enjoy. You know, when I think about the podcasters that both of us get a lot from, we see that very, that ethos, if you will, that you use your words in their work. And of course, it's like, well, of course, that's going to be in ours because that's who we're modeling. And it's interesting. I get a lot of emails from people who are starting out in podcasting, people who are fans of the show and want to start podcasting and ask, you know, how do we prep for the show? How do we deliver value in the content? And, you know, we have three plus pages of notes, science to back it up. We have multiple conversations about anything that we're talking about here, recorded for you. And that's been the case for over a decade now of putting in the prep to deliver the value. And this is something that we do for free. This is not something that we're charging for. So that delivering value is not only my own personal value, but I look for that value in others, right? And that's how I stay away from transactional relationships. You know, we laughed about this last week with Violet about, you know, the types of people as you become someone who's an influencer or grow an audience that you tend to attract. And listen, there are a ton of transactional people out there, but being someone who values delivering value for others, I look for that in others and I look to lead my life by that. And that's really one of my core values. And that wasn't very hard for me to find. So that one's been pretty, pretty standard. The second one, and this one, you know, has led to some people leaving the company has led to change on the team. But this is really a personal value is keeping it real, being honest and transparent with how I'm feeling sometimes to a fault. I know Johnny laughs that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I think we both do that. I that's the Midwest. The same time, I would rather be in a situation or an environment where people are being upfront with each other. And I want that in my personal relationships. I want that in my friendships. And of course, I want that in my business partners and the people that I work with. And it is challenging at times to be authentic. It is difficult to deliver bad news. And for a long time in my life, I tried to avoid conflict and avoid arguments and being a people pleaser. You know, sometimes being authentic is not always the easiest road. It can be difficult to be truthful in those situations. But what I've found is that it allows me to say no to things that aren't helpful. It allows me to be more committed to the things that are the hell yes. And it allows other people around me to know where I stand. The third value for me, and trying to keep it straightforward with these five here, the third is just loyalty. And I think that really was instilled by my family. Family is very connected and loyal to one another and loyalty growing up was a very important value for my father. And I picked up on his relationships in life. And of course, because of that, I've lost some friends along the way. I've had to make some difficult decisions around relationships. We've talked about value vampires and people who may not live up to that, but loyalty is being supported by the people in your life and being true to the people who've been there for you, which is funny. You know, you move to a big city, it's easy to get drawn into some of these other circles and people back home, at least for me, remark about how I've stayed true to myself and I try to surround myself to do the same. Oh, that's, you know, that's always a welcoming picture to have from somebody who's known you for such a long time. It's, it's, and I know for myself that I really enjoy hearing that, and it's, it's not so often that East Coast friends can make it out here, but when they do, I do try to spend quality time with them. And that is certainly one of the things I love hearing. I don't want to hear this town has changed me. However, there, you know, there's those people too. Well, they'll see the social media and they'll ask, you know, why are you talking about that? Why is that important now? And it's easy to get caught up in some of that. But ultimately, yes, trying to stay true to myself and true to the people certainly back home who've supported me on this journey, not just the no offense, Johnny come lately's who get excited about the big numbers and what's going on after the 10 plus years of hard work. The fourth one in this one, we've talked about a lot on the show. In fact, one of our favorite guests hammers this home, David Goggins, and it's discipline in everything that you want in life. All the success you're looking for is based on your habits and habits are built through discipline. There's no getting around it. There's no shortcuts. We've had what, how many guests now talk about that exact thing, whether it's getting up early, whether it's always working out, whether it's watching what you eat, whether it's making sure you follow through with your meditation. That discipline instills the successful habits that you need to reach the goals that you have. And there are certainly times where I fall off. There are certainly times where I'm less disciplined than I would like, but it's an aspirational value that I think is really important in my life. Well, and that's one of the things that makes value based living important and fun is that it's just not, it's not something you just turn on and you begin doing. It takes effort and it takes consistent effort every day. However, you do know what you're doing. So all you have to do is go ahead and get to it, but no one said it's going to be easy. No, no one, no successful person has built their empire or achieved what they wanted on shortcuts and lack of discipline. Now this one, the fifth and final value for me might feel a little opposite of the last value, right? So the last value is discipline, straightforward. The fifth and final value for me is spontaneity. I do think that variety is the spice of life. Johnny's seen me learning how to cook and always trying to pick up new skills, traveling, exploring. I'm always looking for those moments. And what I found that's so interesting is as you become more disciplined, you actually unlock more freedom. Yes. It's counterintuitive and I know that we've had guests come on and talk about this, but when you have those guardrails of discipline that you know you're not going to be out too late, you're going to get things done in the morning, then you can create that freedom in your life to be spontaneous, to try that spicy Thai food, to go on that trip, to zip out to Las Vegas for a weekend for the hell of it. That is something that I value in myself is that ability to try new things, to not be stuck in a rut or a routine, and also to be more open and accepting of others. And the spontaneity one at times has come in conflict with Amy's discipline, and it's been funny. Oh, I've seen it. Yeah. As someone who values it so much, you know, now about to marry someone who spontaneity is not the name of her game, right? But it's fun to add that. And it's also fun to see how Amy's values have influenced me over time. Sure. Absolutely. Johnny, I know you've been sitting there somewhat quietly around your values and my values, and I know that there's some overlap. Well, there certainly is. And I talk about these every week with the guys because I can't expect them to put theirs out there if I'm not willing to do that for myself. And certainly over the years, they have changed. But the ones that are important to me now, first and foremost, we just, I take health out of the way. And that to me is diet, sleep, exercise. Those three things all make up. Now, that was not always the case. Someone who's lived with you. Exactly. Seeing what you eat, seeing when you went to sleep. Yeah. And certainly I can still get better with some of those. But I take those very seriously because, and this is, I've stated this multiple times and I'm going to state it again, because this is important. And this is why health is the first one. Because I know what I need to do eating, sleeping, exercise wise, to be at my best. And when I'm at my best, the longer I'm in that zone of my best, the better my life is. And the better my life is, the better other people's lives are who are around me. And so I owe it to myself and to those people because of that, to be at my best. And that takes care of that. And that's number one. And I don't think there's anything else I need to say to that other than that very Yeah. This is not a health and fitness podcast. So we're going to stick to things where experts Yeah. So that's why I take that very seriously. The other ones that come in, creativity is certainly one of them. I want to be able, and it's important for me to engage in things that A, allow me to create and B, think creatively. And so whatever I need to be able to do those things. So reading, film, music, these things allow those juices to flow. And then from there, I get to create myself. And so I take that very seriously. And I want to be able to produce more than I consume. And so that's very important to me. Yeah. Next is humor. And I have been saying this for a long time, which is as an entrepreneur, I find humor one of the most important traits that one can have because of the, the ups and the roller coaster that is entrepreneurship and, and you need to be able to laugh at yourself and the circumstances that you're in in order to make it to the other side. It does does get dark at times. You do question yourself a lot at a time. And if you can't laugh about it, it's going to be it's going to be grim. And one of the things that always stuck out to me being the Dan Carlin fan that I am, which is he was doing a podcast on trench warfare. I believe it was his World War one series, which is phenomenal. And in one of the questions he was asking or had been asked is what did he know about the soldiers who were able to persevere in the worst of conditions and the worst of conditions could be in those trenches. It could be life in a gulag and a tournament camp, whatever those awful conditions are, but it's always been purpose and humor. Those two things go hand in hand. The purpose is the hope that pulled you out, but humor allows you to deal with the situation while you're in it. So humor is certainly for me as well. You've compared the company's history of gulag and trench warfare. It's quite the analogy. Well, I temper it a little bit. Once again, finding the humor in all of it used to be presence, but now it's moved more into mindfulness as a as a whole. Because for everything that's going on, I need more opportunities to diffuse thoughts from emotions. I think that helps with creativity. It also helps with humor to be able to compartmentalize things and see them for what they are. I think that all plays a role. And lastly, ceaseless learning, so which also fosters the creativity and the humor. I want to be able to learn every day. Now, out of those five, it is when I wake up, I'm excited because I know what I'm doing every day. And what's also great about this is looking at your daily calendar. Yeah. And how you're going to arrange and engaging in those those five values. The other thing that we know about this is through our own research on, we have a challenge on Facebook and part of that challenge with number two is to to put up your values. Yeah, you can join our Facebook group that at the challenge, the art of charm.com slash challenge. And this this challenge is a fun one for a couple reasons. Yeah. Number one, it's intimidating. So a lot of people sign up for the challenge of like, great, I'm going to work on my social skills. And we hit them with, well, what are your values? And then it's like, Oh, man, I haven't thought about that. Or Oh, I want to see your answers. And it can be something that if you're not prepared for might feel a little overwhelming. But the flip side is when they complete the challenge, there's like the sense of relief of like, Oh, now I have clarity. Or as my buddy David calls it, a North Star, you have a guiding light, a flashlight as to what direction you should be going in. And the other thing about it that goes along with that is most people can easily put two, three, maybe even four together. But once you get the three and we realize that people had stopped at three, because they still have this giant list of values. But there's now only two spots in the dilemma becomes, well, I don't want to leave something out. Well, it doesn't mean that you're leaving it out. These are just the things that are important that you need to engage in. And today get one step or one day closer to your goal. And on top of that, to have a sense of being fulfilled at the end of the day that you've engaged in what is important to you. And so the best thing about this is, let's say that you've guessed wrong. After one week, you stand on Sunday and you review your week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, et cetera. Were you able to engage in your values to the level that you wanted to? If you answered yes to all those, then did you feel fulfilled at the end of the evening? That's a pretty good week. Yes, absolutely. And if you've engaged in those to where you're fulfilled, you've been incredibly productive. That week is going to blow your mind, which only sets up for you to do this again. And so why wouldn't you want to? You've just engaged in everything that gives you a sense of being and purpose. It's that superhuman productivity that we're all looking for. Everyone. And so you're fired up. But here's the best part. Let's say you're not. Let's say something was missing. Let's say that I could have been better, okay? Then you either A, have to think about as you set up the new week, what do you feel you were lacking in, and that you can gauge in to a better degree, or you change up one of the values that you feel just wasn't doing it for you. And then you give that a shot. And guess what? After a week, when you stand on the next Sunday and you're looking at your week, you'll either, A, know exactly what you're going to be doing to be fired up, to lay it out again, or you'll know exactly what you need to do to shuffle around the change. I mean, this change is everything. Now you bring up some powerful points. And this again is the distinction between goals. So you can bring your values into anything you do. Yes. You could bring your values into the way you cook. You could bring your values into the way you do the chores. You could bring your values into your relationship with your friends. Goals are outcome dependent. They are in the future. So you can't live in your goals. You can work towards your goals, but you can live in your values, meaning your values can be present in every moment that you are awake. You are alive. You are in action. And it's completely up to you to live your values. You pick them. You get the choice. And then you get to instill them in others by the way you live your life. And guess what? They're never checked off. They're just that guiding light for you each and every day, every morning to fire you up, to get you through, to not have to worry about the willpower. You know, a lot of people spend their evenings before going to bed, staring at the ceiling and going, asking themselves, what if, and this is where you're in FOMO as what the kids call it, fear of missing out. Yes, fear of missing out. You're staring at the wall and you have this, there's a feeling inside of I'm not living life the way everybody else is. And it's easy to get in that position when you're looking at social media and everyone else's amazing lives. However, going to bed at late at night or whatever time it may be, you don't have to go to bed experiencing FOMO. And we laugh. We talk about this, but you get flipped a script and actually go to bed experiencing Jomo, joy of missing out, where you are, you're content. You're fulfilled. There's nothing left on the day. The no is not an issue. The no is not anxious or what am I missing out on? The no is I'm clear on my values and that's not in line with my values. Rocked them out. So it was a great day, which leads to a great week, a month, and a year. And as we said, with goals always happening in the future, we need our values to keep us on course. Goals sometimes get met. And I would love everyone perfectionists included to reach all of their goals, but we know that's not always helpful. Sorry, that's not always possible. So what happens when you don't reach your goals, right? That's why these values are so important. And Stephen Hayes, who we've had on the show a number of times now said values work helps to build socially positive emotions like gratitude and appreciation and the feeling that you're making a meaningful difference in the lives of others. So it may feel self-centered to divide. It may feel self-centered to decide your values, to define your values, but actually it's a service not only to yourself, but to the world around you, to the people you interact with. When you are in alignment with your values, you have these superpowers. You have the initiative, the wherewithal, the excitement, the joy, everything that we're talking about. So we want to end with how do you find your values? It's been a journey for me and Johnny. And I know that, for example, the loyalty value, how did that arise? Well, growing up, my dad was a single parent and he won custody. And what I always found remarkable is he was in the Navy and his friends were scattered all over the country and he remained loyal to all of his friends, all of their relationships, and his friends remained loyal to him and they were there to support me and my sister when he needed a helping hand. And I'll never forget that value that he instilled in me of staying loyal to the people in your life because at some point, you're going to need each other. And if you're not someone who's loyal, you're going to be left without having that support. And that was a value that was instilled in me and I picked up. Discipline was not something that was instilled in me. I wouldn't say that my dad was very disciplined with his diet or working out or his habits. He was a hard worker. And in order to make ends meet, he was forced to be disciplined for work, but it wasn't something that he really instilled in us. And that led to my sister being a creative, it led to me being spontaneous, but now it's something that I've picked up from others. And truthfully, the guests on the show have really inspired and instilled that in me. And as I started putting some things together, physically working on my health, all of a sudden I started to realize that, yeah, discipline actually unlocks this unseen potential in myself. Things that I didn't even imagine I could do were now possible because I was getting up at the same time every morning because I was disciplined in my routine. Well, values giving you a glimpse of what you're capable of is truly, it could be a bit scary, but it's also liberating because you're now being able to really crack your true potential. And that's what I love. So if we were to tell you listening, hey, come out, spend a week with us in LA and we're going to define your values. You'd be like, well, that doesn't sound like much fun. What the heck's that? I want to learn how to talk to people. I want to build better relationships. I want to be able to reach my goals and build allies and wow, my boss. Why do I values? That doesn't sound like a valuable exercise to me, an interesting exercise. The fun part is Saturday after the week is over and everyone in the week has started to crystallize around their values. They've started to really look into themselves internally and define what these values are and how they want to live their life. They are so fired up to go back home to live life through these values that it unlocks that extra battery, that supercharger in your life that allows you to stay motivated. So for those of you who are listening, feeling run down, feeling you're lacking in motivation, feeling everything's a struggle, taking some time to think about your values and going about your life in alignment with those values can start to recharge that battery. Something I want to add to that, if you do decide to do our challenge on Facebook, it's the articharm.com slash challenge, if you do decide to do it, it is challenge number two, where you're supposed to put up your values. A lot of people just put their values up and they're like, I'm done and they move on to the next. I'm going to let you know that not only are you supposed to distill all these values down to five, I want the reasons and the how you got to them. Why did you choose them and how did you get to that? Because having an understanding of how you arrived there and why it is so important to you only fuels it inside you that much more, but also gives you a sense of its importance, so it sticks much better. And then also put it somewhere as a visual cue where you're going to be reminded of it on a daily basis, whether it is so you can't forget them, right? So you can't forget them. And Michael has his, our coach, Michael in Vienna has his on his phone screen wallpaper. And then also stick it on post it notes around your house. Because when you see it and you're like, Oh, right, that's, you know what? And it is it is those visual cues of those values that will that will will lead you when you don't have answers. So let's let's do this week's challenge. Let's help the audience to find their values. Now we've learned how important they are and what our values are. And there are many ways to find your values. We talked about it with Judy Ho. You can check out her book. She has a great exercise, but here's a visualization exercise that we're going to do that I think can help you with a few questions you can ask yourself at the end of this visualization. So close your eyes and imagine that you've reached all of your goals that you could ever imagine. You're the richest, the most successful, the healthiest person on the entire planet, all of your wildest dreams and goals have been reached. And ask yourself, how do you want to be treated? How do you want to treat yourself? How do you want to treat others? What do you stand for in life? Right? So now that we've removed all those external factors, all the things we're chasing, the cars, the house, the fancy this, the fancy that, we've achieved those. What's left? The way that we treat others, the way others treat us and what we stand for. Right? And what you're aiming for, as Johnny said, is key five or six. We're not asking for 30. Overwhelmed does not help us here. So you want to have it concise so that it's easy to remember. And the important part is after this visualization, take pen to paper, write them out, write out your values and write out why it's important to you and how you intend to bring this value to life. How do you intend to infuse this value into your daily schedule, your habits, your routines, your choices? And this is a fascinating study that we'll end with a recent study done by Emily Sandos and Emmy Herbert titled meaningful, reminiscent and evocative, an initial examination of four methods of selecting ideographic values, relevant stimuli, found that by taking the time to write out our values, it can actually give you a huge book. It can actually give us a huge boost towards implementing them successfully. So the act of writing them out, committing to them on paper, thinking about the why, actually makes you more likely to succeed in achieving and implementing those values. That's powerful stuff. So now that you have your values, write them down and put them somewhere you'll see frequently, save them as your wallpaper like Michael. And especially at the beginning, it's important that you're reminded of your values often as we start to try to build new habits and still some discipline in our lives. It's important that you're reminded, hey, these are my values. This is what matters to me. And as Johnny said, in those days when he hasn't had an opportunity to tap into creativity or he's been bogged down in emails and he hasn't had an opportunity to quench his thirst for knowledge, listen to a podcast, read a book, whatever the case may be. That's a rough day. That's a tough day. But when you realize it's part of your values, well, I'm going to make time for it. And I can also say that I know that when I do not engage in them at the end of the evening when I'm laying in bed, I'm pissed off. I'm mad. I feel I left points on the board. And at this point in my life and everything that we have going on around us, I don't like to have that feeling. That feeling is awful. And so, you know, and you for working with me as long as you have. Well, as a Lions fan, I know about leaving points on the board. That's a special meaning for me. Yes, it's awful. But I have recently arranged things in such a way that certain things get done at certain times that where it's the that's the other values have infused your calendar. Yeah, they've infused your routine. And so those things get met and easily and consistently. And that makes for a great evening and a great sleep. And it just when and with entrepreneurship, things can get difficult. And however, I know that I'm always able to lean on those values. And and even in the worst times go, well, I know that I'm doing the right thing. Why? Because I engaged in what's important. Or even in the best of times. Yeah. Well, it's just the ups and downs, right? It's without values, it's tough to stay grounded. It's tough to stay humble and and have humility. So if you've enjoyed the episode and you're ready to define your values, join us on the challenge. It's a free Facebook group with other podcast fans. John and I are in there and you can share your values, commit to your values as part of our social skills challenge. You can find more at the art of charm.com slash challenge.