 Audio Renaissance presents 10 Big Ones by Janet Ivanovich. Read for you by Laura Ly King. The way I see it, life is a jelly donut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decide it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best t-shirt. My name is Stephanie Plumb, and I drop a lot of jelly globs, figuratively and literally, like the time I accidentally burned down a funeral home. I got my picture in the paper for that one. I'd walk down the street, and people would recognize me. You're famous now, my mother said when the paper came out. You have to set an example. You have to exercise, eat good food, and be nice to old people. Okay, so my mother was probably right. But I'm from Jersey, and truth is, I have a hard time getting a grip on the good example thing. A good example in Jersey isn't exactly the national ideal. I'm a bond enforcement agent working for my cousin Vincent Plumb, and I run down bad guys. I'm not the best BEA in the world, and I'm not the worst. An incredibly hot guy with the street name Ranger is the best. And my sometimes partner Lula is possibly the worst. Maybe it's not fair to have Lula in the running for worst bounty hunter of all time. To begin with, there are some really bad bounty hunters out there. And more to the point, Lula isn't actually a bounty hunter. Lula is a former hooker who was hired to do the filing for the bail bonds office, but spends a lot of her day trailing after me. At the moment Lula and I were standing in the parking lot of a deli mart on Hamilton Avenue. We were leaning against my yellow Ford Escape, trying to make a lunch choice. We were debating not shows at the deli mart against a sub at Jovicini's. Hey, I said to Lula, what happened to the filing job? Who does the filing now? I do the filing. I filed an ass out of that office. You're never in the office. The hell I am. I was in the office when you showed up this morning. Yeah, but you weren't filing. You were doing your nails. I was thinking about filing, and if you hadn't needed my help going to look for that loser Roger Banker, you'd still be filing. Roger was accused of Grand Theft Auto and possession of controlled substances. In layman's terms, Roger got high and went joyriding. So you're still officially a file clerk? Heck no. That's so boring. Do I look like a file clerk to you? Actually Lula still looked like a hooker. Lula's a full-bodied black woman who favors animal print spandex enhanced with sequins. The job title is tricky since I do a lot of this here bounty hunter stuff, but I've never really been given any of my own cases, Lula said. I suppose I could be your bodyguard. Hell, you don't even carry a gun half the time. I always got a gun. And Lula pulled a 40 caliber Glock out of her purse. I don't mind using it either. I'm good with a gun. Watch me hit that bottle next to the bike. Someone had leaned a fancy red mountain bike against the big plate glass window in front of the deli mart. There was a court bottle next to the bike. The bottle had a rag stuffed into it. No, I said. No shooting. Too late. Lula squeezed off a shot, missed the bottle, and destroyed the bike's rear tire. Oops, Lula said, returning the gun to her purse. A moment later, a guy ran out of the store. He was wearing a red devil mask. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder and a gun in his right hand. He grabbed the bottle off the ground, lit the rag with a flick of his dick, and threw the bottle into the store. He turned to get onto the bike and realized his tire was blown to smithereens. Fuck! I didn't do it, Lula said. Someone came along and shot up your tire. You must not be popular. There was a lot of shouting inside the store. The guy in the devil mask turned to flee, and Victor, the Pakistani day manager, rushed out the door. I am done! Victor yelled. This is the fourth robbery this month, and I won't stand for any more. You are dog excrement! He shouted at the guy in the mask. Dog excrement! Lula had her hand back in her purse. Gun! I got a gun! Where the hell is it? Why can't you ever find a damn gun when you need it? An hour later, Morelle dropped me off at the bond office. You're gonna be careful, right? Right. And you're not gonna let Lula do any more shooting. Sample complete. Ready to continue?