 J-P-L-L-O The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Go South Young Man from the Cotton Club Review. Whether it's a company dinner or just a regular family affair, any meal will be a greater success if it's topped off with a delicious dessert that no dessert is more delicious or more popular than Jell-O. Jell-O is a grand dessert, easy to prepare, swell to look at and luscious to taste. Jell-O is crammed with extra-rich fruit flavor, a true fruit goodness that rivals the flavor of fresh ripe fruit itself. But remember this, there's only one Jell-O and only Jell-O brings you that special extra-rich fruit flavor. So if you want to top your dinner with a dessert that will be an assured success, serve Jell-O. But be sure you get genuine Jell-O, don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. That was Go South Young Man from the Cotton Club Review. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who every Sunday night at the same time walks up to the microphone, looks at Square in the eye and says... Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Well done, that was a cute opening. That was a nice introduction and nice teamwork too, I thought. You and I certainly work well together, don't we? Oh yes, we do, Jack. It's remarkable the way we seem to balance each other. What was that done? I say it's remarkable the way we balance each other. I think so. Of course we would have a little trouble on a seesaw. Hey Don, can you imagine the both of us on a seesaw? Me way up in the clouds and you down on the good earth. Gee, it makes me dizzy. Oh boy. Well, uh, Jack, do you want me to get off? Woo! Don't you dare! My feet are flat enough now. Anyway, Don, we're too old to be playing around on a seesaw. Yeah, let's go over to the sand pile. Oh, let's drop this silly talk, we're getting a little bit goofy. Aren't we all? Hello, Jack. Well, Kenny, of all people, what are you doing here? Oh, I was on my way to the movies and I got lost. Well, you couldn't have got lost in a better place, we can use you here. Yeah. Say, Jack, I want to thank you for inviting me over to your house for Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, that's all right, Kenny, you're always welcome. And I want to thank you too, Jack, and I also want to congratulate you for cooking that big dinner all by yourself. Oh, it was nothing, Don. I always do that. You may not know this, but I'm considered to be quite a cook. Oh, you are? Oh, for years, I've been known as Prudence Benny of Beverly Hills. And my pies. You know, I'm famous for my lemon, Meringue. Meringue? Well, that's Marin Gay. Oh, Marin, oh, is that the way it's pronounced? Oh, see, you learn something every day. Well, well, so you cook the Thanksgiving dinner all by yourself, eh, Jack? Yes, Phil, with my very own hands. Why didn't you come? Did you have a previous engagement? No, just a hunch. Oh, oh, well, you missed something. There was a grand meal, we had all the trimmings and everything you wanted to drink. Everything. See, everybody else had wine with each course and you made me drink milk. Well, Kenny, you're too young. Besides, milk is good for you. Milk goes with anything. It doesn't go with my brown suit. Well, the turkey was good, wasn't it? Say, Jack, don't tell me you served that old bird Andy Devine gave you last week? Yes, Phil, and it was all right, wasn't it, Don? Well, it surprised me, Jack, that turkey looked so tough and yet it turned out so tender. What did you do? I cooked it with a blow torch. That did it. A blow torch, that's a fine way to cook a turkey. Why didn't you put it in the oven? I tried, Oofil, but it kept jumping out all the time. I can't understand it either. I put paper weights in the dressing. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, kitchen mechanic. Well, Mary, did you enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner? No kidding. How was it, Mary? Oh, it was swell. We had everything from soup to bicarbonate of soda. And what mashed potatoes? I'll say. They were so lumpy, Jack had to serve them in the sugar bowl. I didn't have to. I was short of dishes. Gee, I thought those mashed potatoes were swell. They were so nice and tan. Yeah. Tan potatoes? Well, the stove was crowded and I had to cook them under the sun lamp. Oh. Anyway, the turkey was delicious. I got a wing and it was swell. I got a leg and it kicked me. Oh, it did. I got a neck with a collar button in it. Why don't you stay out of the kitchen, Jack? That's a woman's job. Now, Phil, that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. That's ridiculous. Men are better in everything. Our greatest cooks are men. Our greatest dress designers are men. Our greatest dancers are men. Our greatest... What are you laughing at? When you get to mothers, watch out. Well, the greatest fathers are men. Got that over. Anyway, it's a fine thing to come to my house for dinner and criticize it. That was real home cooking while you never tasted such rolls in all your life. Boy, were they heavy. They were not. I had to jack mine up to butter it. The fine appreciation after the trouble I went to. I work and slave over a hot stove and what do I get? Oh, Jack, now what's the matter with you? They're only kidding. Why, everybody had a good time and enjoyed the dinner. Oh, no, they didn't. And here's something else I wasn't going to mention, but I will now. This will fix you guys. I had five people to dinner and six spoons were missing. Six. I took two. Well, give me one back. Don't be a pig. Do you want... do you want the one from the Brown Derby? No, the one from the ambassador. I've got a set. And our few fellas are all through heckling my dinner. Maybe we can have a selection from the orchestra. Play, Phil, for two cents I tear up my cookbook. You can stop me from kissing you. You can stop me from cuddling too. You can treat me mean, honey, that's all right. But I'll get even with you tonight cause you can't stop me from dreaming. You can stop me from holding hands. Make me listen to your command. You can say, no, no, honey, that's all right. But I'll get even with you tonight cause you can't stop me from dreaming. From one o'clock till nine, I'll dream your mind. I'll steal a kiss. Just see what you're going to miss. You can stop me from mancing you. You're the boss now, but we're not through. Just turn me down, honey, that's all right. Cause I'll get even with you tonight cause you can't stop me from dreaming. Cause you can't stop me from dreaming played by the orchestra with a vocal chorus by Phil Harris. Say, Phil, that was quite a surprise. I didn't know you were going to slip in a solo there. Did you, Kenny? No, I didn't either. Oh, it was just a sudden impulse. It was, eh? What made you sing? I'm mad at the piano player and he hates my voice. Oh, well, you certainly fixed him. What are you mad at him for? Oh, he tells everybody that I don't know how to lead an orchestra. Why, that's unreasonable. Oh, it's reasonable all right, but I don't like it. Well, I don't blame you, Phil. I know how you feel. There are people right on this program who think they know more about comedy than I do. Yeah. Kenny, but it's true, Phil. Everybody wants to be a comedian. They all think they can get laughs. I know, Jack, but for real laughs, none of us can top that Maxwell of yours. Boy, that's really terrific. Oh, by the way, Jack, how's the old tub behaving? Oh, it's all right, Don. I've had no trouble, but I, um, well, I think I'm going to get rid of it. Get rid of it? Why? Oh, because nobody has respect for private property anymore. That's why. Tell them what they did to your car, Jack. What happened? Oh, it burns me up just thinking about it. Now, what was it, Jack? Well, I stopped in the store for a cigar. When I came out, somebody had written on my car, Lulu loves butch. Gee, I was mad. Lulu loves butch. That's awful. I didn't mind that so much, but I don't even know the people. Well, it's your own fault, Jack. You brought it on yourself when you put that sign on the back of your car. Sign? Well, what does it say, Mary? Tune in on Jack Benny every Sunday night. Well, that's legitimate advertising. And so is this. Ladies and gentlemen, Jello is America's favorite dessert. It is economical, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. It burns me up. I don't butch and Lulu get their own car. Oh, forget about butch and Lulu. Well, anyway, I'm going to get rid of it. Did you put that ad in the paper, Mary? Yes, here it is. For sale or exchange, Maxwell Touring Car. All modern features, including self-starter and one-man top. Excellent view, only three blocks from the station. What's that got to do with it? My uncle sold a house that way. Oh, I see. Car in first class condition, owner satisfied but could feel better. The fine ad. Uh, right wire or phone, Jack Benny care of Lonely Hearts Club Hollywood. I don't belong to that anymore. Anyway, that ad ought to bring some results. Say, Jack, I can't understand what you want to sell your car for. I told you why. Gosh, you've only had it a little while and you're always bragging about it and fussing over it and going around with it all the time. Well. And now you want to part with it. Yes, I do. Gee, you're fickle. Well, Kenny, if you're so interested in my car, why don't you take it off my hands? Oh, I might at that. What do you want for, Jack? Well, uh, well, let me see. Well, Kenny, would, uh, would $95 be too much? Hades, yes. Oh, it would. Well, if you're really interested in my car, maybe I can shave it a little. Oh, don't bother fixing it up. Well, Kenny, I can see that you don't want a car, so forget about it. Well, I'll think it over while I'm singing my song. Yeah, do that. What are you going to sing, Kenny? Moon over Manukura from the picture Hurricane. Well, that's a beautiful number and right up your alley. Oh, wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Are you the party who had an ad in the paper regarding a Maxwell? Yes, I am. Are you in the market? I will. But I got out just in time. Goodbye. Now, there's a lucky fellow. Sing, Kenny. Moon over Manukura from Hurricane sung by Kenny Baker. And you know, Kenny, there's one thing that always impresses me. It's that last note. Goes on and on. Why do you hold it so long? I never give up a song without a struggle. Oh, well, it's very effective. But Kenny, in order to keep your voice in such perfect condition, you must do a lot of practicing. I'll say. I sing in a bathtub every morning. Oh. And you know, Jack, I had the most embarrassing thing happen to me once. What was it? I reached for a high note and swallowed the soap. The soap? Oh, that must have been awesome. Oh, well. You know, Kenny, there's one thing that always impresses me. It's that last note. Goes on and on. Why do you hold it so long? I never give up a song without a struggle. Oh, well, that must have been awful. Yeah, I bubbled for a week. Bubbled baker. Marry him. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for want of something better to do, tonight we are going to offer a play in the form of a nature study. A little grammar title, The Private Life of a Bumblebee, which we will present in three buzzes and one sting. It certainly will. Quiet. I will play the part of a rosebud. And Don, Kenny, and Phil will be insects as usual. This will go on. There's a phone, Jack. Let it ring. We've got a program to do. Oh. Maybe somebody wants to buy your car. Oh, yes. Give it to me. Hello, Jack Benny talking. Would you like to have a talk? Oh, slap her, Mom. Let me talk to you. It's my nickel. Go ahead. Well, slap. Look, I'm busy right now. Call me back later, will you? No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got a customer for your car. You have? Who is it? My wife's brother. Oh, your brother-in-law. Well, look, Slap, if he's a relative of yours, I'd rather not sell him my car. Go ahead. It'll save him right. Well, okay. Bring him right over. Where are you, Slap? I'm around the corner in the drug store on my new overcoat and a telephone boot. Are you standing up or sitting down? I don't know. It's dark in here. Well, look, Slap, bring your brother-in-law right up, and if I sell the car, I'll give you a nice commission. Why not? Goodbye. Goodbye. Well, Mary, that ad did get results. And come in. Slaperman, how did you get here so quick? That's quick. I got stuck in the elevator. Say, Jack, I want you to meet my brother-in-law and a tall Ginsberg. Well, well, well, this is a pleasure, Mr. Ginsberg. I'm very, very happy to know you. Hello. Well, Mr. Ginsberg, I understand you're very much interested in buying my Max well. Is that right? I'm not telling. Now, look, if you want to buy my car, Mr. Ginsberg... Say, Jack... What, Mary? I don't think you've got a Chinaman chance with this guy. What Chinaman? Who's a Chinaman? If the hat fits, put it on. Stay out of this, Mary. Now, look, Mr. Ginsberg, if you want to buy my car, it'll have to be a cash proposition. You understand that. Don't worry, Jack. You've got the cash. You know, last week in the Irish Sweepstakes, he won a prize amounting to... It's a lie. Boys, boys... It was in the neighborhood of $5,000. Why did you tell him? Did I say exactly? Now, look, fellas, wait a minute. Let's not take up a lot of time arguing. Mr. Ginsberg, do you want to buy the car or not? Yes. Don't be yessing with my money. Quiet, quiet, and a tall behavior. So, dear gentlemen, where's your etiquette? Look who's talking etiquette. If it wasn't for me, you couldn't even speak English. Is that so? You're satisfied. Now I'm satisfied. Hey, boys, what is this, anyway? The affairs of Anatole. Now, look here, Anatole. A man with your money should own a car like this. Now, tell you what I'll do. I'll let you have it for $95 because I like you. Make it $50 and drop the affection. Now, look, Slap, I'd like to sell the car to your brother-in-law, but $95 is the lowest I can take. I'm walking out. All right, $85. I'm still walking. Now, go ahead. I don't care. Wait a minute, Anatole, please. Don't be a chimpanzee. Come here. But who's Mr. Michel? Who's the man again? The office owner. I need it like a hole in the head. And besides, he looks like a crook. I resent that. Say, Jack, did they say anything about Jell-O? That I'll buy. Mazel tov. Now, look at what's going to happen here. Am I selling the car or not? Ah, hold on, Jackie boy. I know how to cleanse the deal. Take us out for a ride, and if Anatole likes the car, he'll buy us Anatole a time. All right, I'll take you out for a ride, and then we'll talk business. Is that okay with you, Mr. Ginsburg? I'll take the ride, Anatole. Well, he's weakening, Jack. All right, you and Anatole can sit in the back seat. You'll find it nice and comfortable. Play something, Phil. Come on, Mary. You can sit in front with me. I will not. Quiet. I bought cushions this morning. Let's go, boys. So long, gang. Come on, Anatole. Make it snuff. All right. Don't push me. Is that bad? Mary, turn around and see if the boys are enjoying the ride. Okay. Shlafferman. What? Hey, Shlaff, where's Anatole? I'm sitting on him. He wants to jump out. Well, I'll speed her up. You'll see something. Hold on, everybody. Hey, what's that? I wonder what that noise is. The spark plugs are doing the big apple. Hey, Anatole, how do you... Quiet. I'm getting seasick. And I ain't going to appetite neither. What bump? Oh, I see it. Well, that wasn't so bad, hey, Mary? No, but your friends just left. They did. Hey, Shlaff, Anatole, where are you? They fell out. Well, I better go back and get them. Wait a minute, fellas. I'm coming right back. Don't bother. I wouldn't buy a dinnerhouse. That's a fine thing, Mary. Why didn't you notice that bump sooner? You're driving. I am not. You've got the steering wheel. I didn't before we hit that bump. Well, give it back. You haven't even got a driver's license. You might as well go home now. Better stop at this gas station. That bump knocks the air out of my tires. Me, too. Ending, Jack. Well, I was going pretty fast there, you know. Good evening, sir. What'll it be? I'd like some nice fresh air. For breathing or tires? Tires, of course. Okay. Do you want any gasoline? No. He makes his own. I do not. All right. Put in two gallons, buddy. Two gallons? Is this car in a diet? Don't get gay. Just put it in. Okay, sporty. Where's the gas tank? What? Where's the gas tank? Under the seat. Get up, Mary. Gee, is that the gas tank? Yeah. I've been using it for an ashtray. That's fine. Right here, bud. Hey, Bill, put in two gallons. I've got it. Hey, that's enough. I said two gallons. I'm sorry, mister, but we gave you two and a half. Well, I'm not going to pay for it. I asked for two gallons, and that's what I want. It's only a matter of eight cents. I don't care what it is. You made the mistake, not me. But, gee, it's only eight cents. Young man, do you realize that a family in China can live for two weeks on eight cents? So can you. Quiet. Oh, Jack, don't be so tight. I'm not tight. It's not the money. It's the principle of the thing. I'm not going to pay for one more drop than I ordered. All right, I'll match you. Double or nothing. Oh, no, you won't. Do you think I am a chump? Quiet, Mary. All right, buddy, what do I owe you? Two gallons, that's 32 cents. You want to pay it all now? Yes, and don't be smart. Here you are. Come on, Mary, let's go. Come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, it'll start this time. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry, mister, it was all my fault. I'm all like Taylor Stokes. I ought to put you right in my nose. That's a jack. He can, too. Quiet. Now look here, mister. You better or you'll be sorry. Oh, yeah? Let's beat it, Mary, before I lose my temper. Oh, boy, you were lucky that time. I wasn't scared of him. He didn't upset me. Yeah, then take that cigar out of your ear and let's go. I was looking for that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Here's a swell new dessert your family's going to love. It's quick and easy, and it's delicious. The name of it is pear-strawberry mold, and it's a tempting combination of luscious, strawberry jello, and canned pears. And it's so easy to make that anyone can prepare it, but so colorful it even makes a swell party dessert. Here's all you have to do. Just dissolve a package of strawberry jello in a plant of hot water, turn into a mold, and chill until firm. Unmold on a platter and decorate with slices of crisp canned pears and maraschino cherries. A beautiful mold of shimmering strawberry jello garnished with cherries and pears. And it tastes every bit as good as it looks. The strawberry jello is packed full of delicious, extra-rich fruit flavors. All six of jello's delicious flavors have that extra-rich fruit flavor, too, which makes every jello dessert at triumph every time. So ask your grocer for the one and only genuine jello. This is the last number of the ninth program in the New Jello series, with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Say, Mary, isn't it funny how nice and smooth the car runs when you and I are all alone in it? Yeah, that's always the way. Oh, darn it, another flat. Takes it, Mary. No, it's your turn. That's right. Good night, folks. Playmakers have appeared on this program through courtesy of Mervin Leroy Productions. The melody, Mama That Moon's Been Again, is from the big broadcast of 1938, and Sweet Someone is from Love and History. This is the national broadcasting cover.