 Why a nastier, keel-hauliner, drug-drinkiner, barnacle-scraping lot of rap scallions I've never seen in my whole life. They're children, Captain. Children and grown-ups. Oh, I see. Is this true? Are you all children? Are you? Fantastic! There's always room on a pirate ship for children. For children, we've got decks to swab, mainsails to splice and parrots to feed. And of course, astrolabes to polish, depths that need sounded, even logarithmic calculations to be done, because that's the pirate's way! Him! We've talked about this. We have. Yes, sorry, Captain. I mean, um, cobblasses to swing and dolphins to eat. Oh dear, not quite, not quite. Why don't we introduce ourselves, eh? Welcome. My name is Captain Hyranomus Galileo, bookenere, runway model and captain of the fine ship, the Armonic Wave, at your service. That's better. That's more like it. Hi. Um, my name is Sally, Sally Plank. I am ship's physicist, natural philosopher, and I scored three out of the seven C's. Sally's not a terribly piratical name. Is it short for something? It's short for Beatrice. Sally it is! Now why don't you tell these fine, horrible little folk what it is we're doing here? Oh, well, we have got, uh, it's a real genuine treasure map. It is a little bit snotty, but it's a proper treasure map, and we know that it's proper, because I got it from this old, old sailor in a leaky tavern with horrible acoustics, and we know it's real, and we know it's legit, because it was very, very cheap. Exactly. The cheaper the map, the more likely it is to lead to treasure, and this map is our ticket away from this rancid hellhole, and on to the big time, cash, riches and money. Ha! Oh, yeah. Now. Actually, all we need now is a crew. I don't suppose you guys would be up for becoming crew? Yeah, yeah. Risking it all for adventure on the high seas. That's something of a B-flat, I think. Now, before you say yes, remember, you'll be facing scurvy, you'll be facing storms, sea monsters, and having to poo off the side of a boat. It's really, really cool. Would you guys be up for that? Yeah, right! Fantastic. Sally, unveil the charts. Any time, Sally! Yeah, coming! Coming, Captain! Fantastic. Now, here we are, my friends, right so. Now, we face many months of hard sailing, sword fights across the Spanish main, and two or three across the Spanish secondary, and perhaps the tertiary. Wait, uh, Captain. Yar? I don't know. You're saying that this journey will be several months. Well, Yar? You know, we're here, and we need to get to about here-ish. Exactly. So we need to sail the entire length and breadth of the known world. Obviously. Or, um, I don't know, we could sail the other direction. You know, go from here, here, and up here, here. Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally. You know I forget you're new to this pirate and lark. If we were to sail this a ways, we'd sail clear off the edge of the world. The edge of the world? Well, yeah. You see, the world is a great flat rectangle. It's why they make maps the way they do. A flat rectangular map means a flat rectangular world. It's quite scientific, I think you'll find. Mmm. He's one of those. Right, listen, Captain, listen, Captain. Like you guys agree, the Earth is round. Like a cannonball. You like cannonballs, right? I do love cannonballs. Well, round, it's what we know as an oblate sphere. It means it's round, but a little bit squashed as if something were squeezing it. And that's all because the rotation of the Earth- No, no, no, this all sounds like nonsense. Allow me to present my counter-argument. I'm right. You're all wrong. Ipso, facto, flat-earth-o. So there. Right. Well, that certainly is a very compelling argument, Captain, especially the flat-earth-o. I'm shouting at kids, but you know, that's kind of natural as well. Let me just hold it up to the slightest bit of scrutiny here. Here, answer me this. When we see a ship arriving far, far on the horizon towards us, what do we see first? Well, first you see the mast, then you see the sails, and then you see all those frightened little faces on the top deck. Yeah, exactly. And that is because the ship is coming over the curvature of the Earth. If the Earth was flat, then you would just see the full ship at once, but just going from small to big. Ah. Well, the truth is, see, I didn't put much thought into my opinions. Might have been the problem there. That's not very surprising, but luckily for you, somebody else did. Bless you. No, no, no, no. Aristotle, the Greek Scholar. Ah, he studied Doctor Who. No, Greek Scholar, not Geek Scholar. What did he have to say about it? Well, he believed that the Earth is round, and he managed to prove so. How so? He had heard about this place in Egypt, where once a year the sun would be directly above a well in a town called Syen. And like any good scientist, he set up an experiment to prove how it worked. Right. Let me have a look here. Where are you? Yeah. Here's Syen. That's where the well is. Then he set up a measuring post to set distance away in Alexandria. Now, he coordinated his team together to, at the same time as the well, as the sun was directly above Syen, to measure the measuring post and the shadow in Alexandria. Now, Earth was flat, then because the sun would be directly above one place, the sun would be directly above the other place. But no! The fact that there was an angle in the shadow means, in Alexandria, means that there must be a curve in the surface of the Earth, which means I'm right in your way. No, no, no, no, no. A curve don't be making a circle. I've got curves to die for, and I'm still basically a sort of square. True. But curves actually do make a circle. Here, take this, right? So, here we have a curve. Now, it's this one. If you unfold it. Yeah. Yeah. Then you can see that curves together form a circle. There, it's all part of the circumference. If you just add them all up together. Wow. See? Goodness me! Do the numbers add up on this? The mathematical ones? The mathematical numbers add perfectly. Here, have a look at this. Now, of course, when Aristotle did this whole experiment, he was a little bit off, but this is a guy using a stick and shadows and measurements best he could 2,000 years ago. So it's still pretty impressive, I must say. Well, you know what the numbers do add up on this, and I'm pretty sure this one here even multiplies. I suppose I just can't see it. I need to, you know, hold a physical copy of such a round map in my hand, but no such thing exists. Have a look at this, Captain. Goodness me, what? Oh, this is fantastic! It bounces! It does! And it does more than just bounce, sir. Have a look at the markings for me, please. Well, well, well, oceans, continents, even some of the sillier islands, this is a map! It is, Captain. It's called a globe, and it shows you what the world looks like. Well, they're around Earth. This doesn't mean anything strange for our voyage, does it? We're not going to cartoonishly fall off the bottom or anything like that? No, no, no, no. It means that instead of going from here all the way around to here, we can literally just go the other directions from here to here. It's really not that far, Captain. Well, blow me down with a gnar-wall feather. I'll be horn-swoggled. Now, the sun still revolves around us, right? We're still in the middle. We'll leave that for not a time, Captain. Sure, sure, sure. Now, if we can just decipher what these strange scribbles mean, we'll be able to set our course. By strange scribblings? Do you mean to writing? Uh, maybe. Okay, you cannot read? Well, I can't read in the conventional sense, but I can read a room, right? Everyone having a good time? Great. Go. Well, I'm quickly going to teach the Captain his first ABCs, and then just wait a few seconds and we'll be back with you. All right. There you go. Yeah. And it's not that bad. Ain't so bad. A is for? Pirate. Yeah. B is for? Beatrice. Yes, very good. And the R is for? Rapscallion? Yeah, find it out. Perfect. You got it. Fantastic. Now, well, welcome again, my young friends. Fancy meeting you here. I see some familiar faces from a few moments ago. On our journey to discover the Flat Earth. No, no, no. Round, sir. Round. Oh, that's right. Round. Yes, thank you. My globe? Yes. I drew it away, Captain. What? No, it's here, Captain. It's priceless. Catch it, Captain, behind you. Look at that. Yes, remember, everyone, we learned that the Earth is round and that there was a guy named Aristotle Denise that proved it and showed it and did the thing. Now, the world is an oblate spheroid, which means it's round but a little bit squashed. Yeah. Now, speaking of round things, we're going to go navigating towards the places on the map. Have you seen my compass? Well, speaking of round things that are a little bit squashed. And? Yeah, I did. Now, in my defence, it were looking at me funny. You all know I don't like being looked at funny. I don't like it. Yeah. You think you can look funnier than I do? But, Captain, Captain, Captain. What? You guys are cool. You're definitely on the crew. Well, Captain, without a compass, how are we supposed to navigate? How are we supposed to get where we are? We're going to get stranded and we'll die in dolphins. All right, all right, all right. Shut up. Now shut up all of you. You see, there is another way to navigate. Exactly, my young friend. Wait, wait, wait. The stars is the old-fashioned way of navigating. It's a much more romantic way of sailing, so it is. Yeah, so navigating by the stars during the day is your solution. Well, to navigate by the stars during the day is difficult, I'll grant you. So why don't I just spend my time teaching you how to do it? All we'll need is a painstakingly accurate panoramic painting of the sky at night. Oh, like that one I made the other day. Behold, my young friends, the sky at night. Isn't it fantastic? Bless you. Thank you. I don't know, the sky at night is just a dark void, a bleak dark void. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's your star sign? I'm a Leo. Ah, well, that chronic despair and willingness to lose is typical of a Leo. You see, if you want to navigate by the stars, you have to know your star signs. It's true. I'm a scientist. I don't believe in star signs. Well, perhaps we should call them by their proper name. A grouping of stars is called a constellation. Now, you said you were a Leo, didn't you? Yeah. Well, let's find Leo. This here is Leo the Lion. Okay. Now, you can see here it's dominated by these two bright stars, regular at the tip of the lion's tail and here, denibola above the lion's front paw. Huh? Okay, so the constellations are named that way because they are grouped that way? Exactly. Now, do you know how to find the big bear? Oh, that's easy. That's that guy. In the night sky, Sally, although we'll talk later. Uh, no, no, I don't know. Allow me to show you. This here is the big bear. Exactly, my young friend, Ursa Major, the big bear. It's also known as the big dipper. Now, most all of it that you can see is this, the tail and the rump of the big bear. But on a clear night with no light pollution around, you can see all of it from the paws all the way to the tip of the big bear's nose. I don't know. I can see a pan, I can see a ladle, a dipper, maybe a bear comma. All right, all right, if you're not convinced. No. I can show you another. Now, here we have the little bear, Ursa Minor. Now this here is a very important star. Right here at the tail of the little bear or the handle of the little dipper, we have Polaris, the North Star. Now this star is very important for navigating for it sits just a fraction of a degree off of true North. If you can find it in the night sky, because of where it sits, it seems as if the whole sky rotates around it while it stays fixed in place, like so. Now, if you can find that star, you'll never be lost again. Cool. So you can find North by following the North Star Polaris. Exactly you can. Nice. But, okay, so you got North, then what? How are you supposed to continue? How are you supposed to find South? Do you like find North and then sail the other direction? It's not quite so simple. You see, if you don't have something to sail towards, you'll never be quite sure you're going in the right direction. If we want to go South, we need one more constellation. We need Orion, the Hunter. Exactly. Now, Orion is dominated by these here, the three stars that make up his belt. Look up from then and you'll find this star, Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice? Beetlejuice. Remember the trouble we got in last time when we said it three times? Our terrible adventure on the Calypso Island. I remember all too well. Now, you'll see here that the star in question follows on to the Hunter's arm, which holds a bow. Other stars make up the rectangle of the upper body and here hanging from the belt are three stars that make up the Hunter's sword. His sword? His sword, indeed. And if you follow those all the way down to the horizon, you'll find South. I'll grant you it's a little more inaccurate than the North star, but it should get you going South in the right direction and then you've just got to look out for palm trees. Okay, so we can find North with Polaris, we can find South following a sword, and how about East and West? East and West are where Orion can help you again. You see, take the leading star of Orion's belt. Whenever it sets on the horizon, it always hits true West. And when it rises again on the horizon, it always hits true East. That way, you'll never be lost at night again. Awesome. Okay, so what do we do now? We wait until it's dark? No, no, no. I've got a reckoning of where we're going. So, I'll teach you a little more about the stars. Yeah. And you, you wait there and think about what you've done. Cool. You know a lot about stars, don't you? What's your favorite one? Earth's a major, it's a good one. What other constellation have we got? What do you like? Orion, Orion is a very good one. I love that belt. I got my own belt as well. I think it's high time we welcomed you back for another step on our quest to find the lost hidden mystery gold of Cache Island. Now, we've traveled far, my young friends, and we've learned an awful lot along the way. Yeah, we learned that the Earth is round and how to prove it, and we learned how to navigate by the bears. By the stars, Sally, navigate by the stars. By the stars. Indeed. Now, unfortunately, you join us at another moment of peril and woe upon our quest. What's the woe, Captain? Well, do you see there in the distance? Yeah. Now, behind that funny-looking fellow's head, get out of the way. All right, yes. Behind his head lies the island. Okay, so is that guy in the way? Should I get him? Should I get him? No, no, no, no, no, no. Admiral Bloodlust, Sally. Okay. But time will wear him down as it does us all. Right. Now, if we could just see the island, we'd be able to see the marker, for there's a terrible reef around it, and if we go in blind, it'll tear our ship to pieces. But if we could see the marker, we'd be fine. It's a palm tree shaped like a skull. A palm tree shaped like a skull. So is it like the trunk that is the skull, or the coconuts the skull, or is it like... And there'll be no use applying conventional logic to it. What we really need to see is a telescope. But unfortunately, I traded our telescope for some magic beans. Captain, you sold my telescope to buy magic beans again! Now, in my defense, the wizard fella's hat was really pointy. I mean, sharp. You understand, right? No. What do you mean no? I was going to use those magic beans to plug all the holes in the boat, make it waterproof. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, this ship isn't waterproof? Don't worry about it. It's fine. But actually, your idiotity has given me an idea. We may not have a telescope, but we can build a telescope. That's a fantastic idea. What do we need? We need magic beans. Really? No, no. It's never magic beans. Never is the answer magic beans. No magic beans. All right, all right, no more magic beans. All right. What we really do need is a wizard will make a telescope work. How do they work? What is a lens? Right. A lens is a piece of transparent material, like glass, like plastic, and it allows light to come through. Now, it comes in all different shapes and sizes, and that's what we use to control the light coming through. Things like windows, or magnifying glasses, or some clock faces. Windows, you say? Yes. Behold, my friends, a telescope. Well. You break down the whole ship. That's a great start, but it does not make a telescope just yet. No, because telescopes and cameras and some other inventions, they need multiple lenses to work for the more complex effect. Right, so I was putting my C cart before my C horses there. Sorry. It's a good start, though, so I'm going to go and tinker a bit, and you do you. I'll do the roll call. Make sure we're all here for the treasure. Now, short John Bronze, are you here? Good. One-eyed peg-leg Jake with the hook hand. Very good. Polly Wanna-Krackerson. Marvelous. Tim Curry, just in case. Never mind. Gingerbeard. Sir Francis Blackputtin. Anybody who might by chance be called Craig. Ah, always one. And lovely Beatrice. I'm here, and I've finished it. Fantastic. Thank you. Very impressive. As the objective lens, it's the bigger one of the multiple lenses, and you can look through it, and it's shaped to gather as much light as possible, and it goes right here in the front. Well, that's fantastic, but that's only one of our lenses. You said there were more. What else do we need? There is, actually. Can you hold this for me for a second? Of course, of course. It's an eyepiece lens. Eyepiece lenses. I'm just going to pop this one out. That's how I last the first one. It's okay. We'll make a difference for you. There you go. Oh, of course. Now, what exactly does this lens do? Well, this one we can use as the eyepiece lens in the middle, and then the next bit we use is a refraction. Oh, well, I'll get a mirror. No, no, no, no. Refraction, not reflection. What's that? Well, refraction is, how to explain it, it's the differences between, it's how light goes through different substances. Take liquid solids, gases, and so on. So, for example, when you have your feet in the water and you're looking down and your feet look slightly bendy and weird. Well, your feet look slightly bendy and weird, normally. How about a glass with water? And there's a spoon in it. So, when you're looking at the glass with water with a spoon in it, it looks slightly bendy, right? Yeah, but it's not bendy. No, it's refraction. It's the difference of how the light goes between the water and between the air. And that's what we use with this telescope. Well, what do you say we give it a go? Yeah, right. So, this is how it works. Now, I tell you what. I can't wait to get some revenge when we get to Cache Island. I think my mother would be proud of me if I hadn't left her to be marooned on that desert island and starved to death. Maybe my father, though, if I hadn't marooned him and left him to die on that island. You're? You ain't quite dark there. Oh, well, I'd never abandon you to die on a desert island, Beatrice. Not until we've got the treasure at least, probably. Have a hold of this and I'll explain how the telescope works. Please do. Yes. So, here we have the objective lens. As much light as possible goes in. Then it focuses it to a point behind it. That's where the eyepiece lens is. And that's used as a magnifying glass. That magnifies it all the way up to your eye. And that's how you see things from far away up close. Well, that is impressive. I know right. Now, you say we'll be able to make this work. Let's have a go. Ready? Ah! Ah, good Lord! What is it, Captain? It's a terrible sea monster with many tiny heads and a horrible stink of rum. You could smell it through the telescope? Oh. Ah, that'd be my own stench I'd be nosing there. Apologies. But, hang about here, there's only two lenses in there. I thought you said you need more lenses for more complex effects. Is there a third? There is. It's in our eyes. We actually all have got lenses in our eyes and that's what we use to focus at things that are far, far away. Ah, like a built-in telescope? Yeah. I didn't think my head was big enough. Well, you certainly are big-headed, sir. And this is why some people need glasses to help a little bit with that. And sometimes, people also need those glasses to look a little bit cooler. And that's why we wear sunglasses. Oh, so cool. Yeah, that's cool. The only thing cooler now, it's treasure. Let me have a little look. Ah, there it is, Captain. I found it! Fantastic. That's our course, Beatrice. Let's set sail for the island and maroon these fools. No, no, no, no, no, Captain. We did promise these guys some riches. Ah, we did. And you know what, me hearties, me kidneys, me liver, you've been a good crew. I wouldn't double-cross you this time and I think you've earned yourselves a little bit of gold. Don't you? Here you go. There you are. Have a throw, Beatrice. Have a throw. Gold, my young friends. There we are. That's the stuff. Some of you over there. Let me go around now. Fantastic. That's the ticket. There we go. Now... We can't throw chocolate at home. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now, off you go, my young friends. We'll see you again one day for another pirate adventure. Yo-ho! Let's hear a yo-ho. Yo-ho! That's the stuff. So long. So long, love lovers. Goodbye. Thank you.