 Ever since Thomas Howard's last couple videos, he has been going off on the internet. So in this video, we're going to talk about anger management and some of these tips might actually help you as well. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about trying to help you improve your mental health. So what I like to do is pull different topics that are going on in the YouTube community and try to use that to give you some context so you can improve your mental and emotional well-being. That's pretty cool, right? So at the end of that, make sure to subscribe and ring that notification bell. So before I get started with this topic, I have some exciting news. I'm proud of Thomas. I am proud of Thomas. You know why? A couple of videos ago, I offered to give Thomas Halbert a copy of the book, You're Adulting by Dr. Faith Harper, and he actually reached out to me on Twitter. So I mailed him a copy of that book yesterday, and I told him it's coming. He should have it by Wednesday or Thursday. All right? So I'm super proud of him for at least, you know, taking the step to at least check this book out. And this is all I ask of all of you. Like I don't ask you to do everything, just do something, right? Because a lot of this, you know, improving our mental and emotional health, like it takes little baby steps and we just got to take these little pieces and just sort of doing them like each and every day, right? But anyways, we're going to keep Thomas accountable, all right? I was going to make a whole video about this, but I have given out over a dozen books, OK, in the last couple of years to clients, to friends. And I'm like, I think this book will help you read it. And listen, I don't care if I never get that book back. The problem is, is that people don't often read the books, all right? So I wrote a little letter to Thomas in the book and I am giving him which I think is fair until November 30th. OK, he has until the end of the month and the book. Here's another book by Dr. Faith Harper. I'm going to do a review on this. It's called This Is Your Brain on Depression. But all of her books are about this thick. They're like maybe 150 pages. So Thomas, I give you plenty of time to read that book. So if all of you want to help me, feel free to tweet at Thomas every now and then and just say, hey, how's that book coming along? All right. But also also the giveaway winners will be announced this week. I'm not sure which day yet because I might have some exciting news to go along with the giveaway. So bear with me, but I will announce the hashtag rewiredsoldier winners this week. All right. And by the way, this isn't something in the book, but Thomas, Thomas, if you're watching this, you just met me. Don't be giving me your address. I could be crazy, man. I could be crazy. I was actually joking with Trist. I'm like, what if I just showed up at his house with a book like a lunatic just to teach him a lesson? But anyways, Thomas, thank you for putting your faith in me and stop giving your address out to random people on the internet. Thanks. So anyways, yeah, let's get back into the topic of anger management. So my beautiful girlfriend's best friend, Shelby, actually sent me a text last night in our little group text about another YouTube channel they like put together some of Thomas's recent tweets and like he's been going off. So I'm not going to dive all up in that. I'm going to link to her video down below. I think it was actually Kyle. She does a lot of like beauty, guru, drama type stuff. So I looked at that and I'm like, damn, Thomas, damn, damn, damn. But I'm like, a lot of people can learn some lessons from this. But yeah, anyways, I will link to her video down in the description if you want to check that out and dive more in depth into it. OK. So my issue with this particular tweet and Tony's issue was how he replied to someone who replied to his tweet. So this person said, I have bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and you don't see me making false accusations against people. So Thomas replied, no correlation, babe, go whine to someone else. But yeah, basically I want to make this video because like anger management is a huge, huge part of mental health. And I don't have enough videos on this. And this is a good opportunity to talk about it. I often surprise people when I tell them that I used to be one of the angriest, one of the angriest people you would ever meet because you see me right now, you know, I'm always smiling and having a good time and all that stuff. And it's like it's difficult to imagine me as being so angry. But I hated everybody. I hated myself and I hated you even more. Like I was just constantly angry. I was constantly just acting ratchet. I was just going nuts on everybody. I felt this like intense need, like this need to just clap back at every single person who might have said anything. Right. Whether it was online or in person or anything like that. Like I just I couldn't sleep at night unless I let you know exactly what was on my mind. I used to be such an angry outspoken asshole that check this out. Six years ago, a little over six years ago, my mom saved my life. I was dying from my opiate addiction. Right. She saved my life and I had so many resentments towards her because she was an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life that I just could not stop screaming at her. I was six months sober and she almost kicked me out of her house. Like she had to tell me like, Chris, if you don't get your life together, like I need to get you out of here because I was being verbally and emotionally abusive towards her and I felt terrible about it. Like this is something that some of you might struggle with. And this is something that I've talked about in some of my borderline personality disorder videos. Like a lot of people think that, you know, people with BPD, you know, BPD rage, if you will, like they get some kind of pleasure out of it. Like one of the issues is that people who are often like screaming and yelling and stuff like that, like they feel bad about it. Like I felt really, really bad. Like why am I yelling at this woman? Like I know she's trying her best. Like the logical part of my brain knew that she was trying to be a good mother and trying to repair our relationship. She was seven years sober at this time. She saved my life. She let me live with her. All these things, right? I'm like the logical part of my brain knew that, but the emotional part of my brain would just overrun it. I would just yell at her and just say awful things. So anyways, here's my first tip of advice. And my background is in 12 step programs. So this actually came from my sponsor. Let me give you the same exact advice, right? So after I would scream at my mom and just get into a huge fight with her, I would call up my sponsor or text him and be like, dude, I just blew up on my mom. I feel terrible about it. Like she didn't deserve that. I just felt awful because that's one of the issues. Like we do things that make us feel guilt and shame and all these and start talking bad about ourselves. Like my brain's telling me I'm a terrible person. I'm a terrible son who does this, right? So I had to talk to him about this. And here's what he would tell me every single time. He would say, apologize to her and let her know that you're working really hard to become a better person and improve these things, right? So that's what I would do. Every time I would blow up on her and talk to him, I would go and apologize and say I'm working really hard. But here's a kicker. OK, here's the kicker for that, because this, this is advice I give to a lot of people who have anger management issues. I guess one thing to apologize and say I'm working on this stuff, but you actually have to be working on this stuff, right? Like if you're like me, who's given a million apologies, I'll always tell you, actions speak louder than words. OK, so like one of the reasons my mom and I have an amazing relationship now. And some of you saw the collabs I've done with her and stuff like that. Like I was actually trying to improve that stuff. And over time, I was I was learning how to heal and process things in a brand new way. I didn't have to explode on her all the time. I was able to vent in other ways or talk to other people or realize that a lot of the reasons I was upset were within me, you know, not so much with her anymore, but more within me. You know what I mean? So like, don't just go around apologizing. Like you're somebody who's yelling and screaming and blowing up on people who really don't deserve it, or even if your ego tells you that they do deserve it. Like if you go apologize to them and say that you're working on yourself, like you need to work on yourself. Like you guys got to understand, like I come from the addiction treatment realm and drug addicts and alcoholics have said sorry millions of times. But I would have people call me months after treatment and say, oh my God, like my family still won't forgive me. I've said I'm sorry. I've said I'm sorry. But like, I know enough about them. I'm like, well, you're still acting like an asshole. So why are they going to forgive you? You know what I mean? So I want you to think about that. Remember, your actions speak louder than words. So like, what are you actually doing to improve yourself? Like, are you just sitting around on the couch, just hoping that you don't get angry and had outbursts? Or are you doing like therapy or talking in support groups? Or are you meditating to manage your emotions? Are you trying like DBT or anything like that? Like what actions are you taking to actually improve your anger management issues? Now, let's talk about controlling your anger and venting. So I always talk about my wonderful and beautiful, amazing girlfriend, Tristan. But something I have not talked about on this channel is the relationship I have with my son's mother. OK, she is remarried. They have another kid. So Dylan has a little brother and her and I have an amazing relationship. And a lot of it was because I learned how to control my anger. I cannot stress this enough to you. OK, one of the only reasons, one of the only reasons that her and I have a great relationship today is because of how many text messages that I did not send her. OK, so she had a lot of reasons to be angry at me. The same reasons I was angry at my mom, right? I was a drug addict and alcoholic. I left to California for a year. OK, I often say that the first year of my sobriety, maybe even longer, my name wasn't even Chris to her. It was just a piece of shit. OK, that's all I was. Which is a piece of garbage father who left, right? She was so mad at me and like she would always text me and just say terrible things to me and stuff. And like she had every right to, right? And, you know, her and I have made up. So like whenever I talk about this, like just know, she's one of the best mothers I've ever met in my life. Dylan would not be who he is without her. But back in the day, when she was going through all those emotions and stuff, too, she said a lot of hurtful things to me. And my brain told me that I have to say these things to her. I have to say it to her. So the second half of the video, like I'm going to give you some really important tips. So one of the things was, again, going to my sponsor, but you just need like a mentor. You need somebody who's in a better mental state than you who you can turn to and talk to. So like when she would text me and say these terrible things, like I would go and I would vent to him, right? Can you believe she's saying this? I'm trying so hard to become a better person to get my life together. I would say all these things. And he would just listen to me explode and he would say, Chris, have you given her any reason in the past to be upset with you? And as a drug addict and alcoholic trying to stay clean, hell yeah, I did. And he would remind me of that. Like he reminded me that I'm the reason why she's so upset, right? Like I was a bad father, right? I wasn't even allowed to see my son the last four months because of my addiction. I did terrible things to her. I hid money from her. I put our family in danger multiple times. So like he would snap me back to reality and say, does she have a reason to be this angry, right? So although like she didn't really eat like, you know, I don't think that I should be a punching bag, but like it helped me have some empathy and understand that she's just not attacking me to attack me. I did a lot of things that made her feel a certain way about me, right? But anyway, so I would talk to him, he would get me back in the headspace. But there were so many times, especially when I moved back to Las Vegas, where she would text me and say these things or she'd like accuse me of lying or she'd accuse me of relapsing or whatever. And like she would say these things and I would type out a huge long text message, okay? Here's a very important tip for you, okay? First off, text, don't call. You can control your text, okay? You have time to reread them. You don't have to send them when you're on the phone or in person. Like if you have anger issues like I do and impulse control issues like I do, text, okay? Like wait until your mental health and emotional health is better before you start talking, having these types of conversations in person. So anyways, I would text a huge long thing and I would just like be talking smack to her or point out all the terrible things she did, that and all these things, right? So what I would do is I would not send it to her, I would copy that text message and I would send it to a friend. I'd said, hey, and I try to sell them on. I'm like, look at all these terrible things she said to me, right? So I'm trying to get them on my side. I'm trying to get them to enable me. So then I send them the text message and I show them what I'm gonna say back. I'm like, do you think I'm justified in saying this? And they'd be like, no, Chris, you're not, right? Because I hang around people who don't tell me what I wanna hear. They tell me what I need to hear. And they're like, Chris, all those things are awful. Do not say that. You know what I would say? Screw you, you're stupid and I'd go ask somebody else. But the thing was, since I surround myself with good people today, I'd ask multiple people and all of them would say, Chris, don't send that text message, right? So I would either just say, all right, you know, I'm sorry about that or sorry you feel that way and just leave it at that or sometimes I wouldn't reply. I will make a video about how to deal with people who say these verbally abusive things to you because I have some excellent advice on that that help a lot of people, it helped me a lot. So I will make a video about that. If you need help with that, let me know down in the comments. But anyways, again, one of the reasons that me and my son's mother have such an amazing relationship today is because of all the text messages that I never sent. Because if I would have sent so many of those text messages, me and her never would have had the opportunity to heal. Like one of us had to just shut our mouths, right? And when I try to teach all of you, it's a lot easier for me to fix me than it is to try to fix the rest of the world, right? I have absolutely no control over what she's gonna say to me, but what I do have control over is how I reply to that situation, how I react, how I respond to that situation, okay? So this is what I want all of you to know, okay? So if you struggle with anger issues, please, please, please, like save this video in a playlist and come back to it anytime you're thinking about acting a fool. So another thing that I teach my clients is this. It's something I realize about my brain. Like my brain just needs to vent, right? It just has to vent, it has to say these things, it has to get these thoughts out. The delusion that I think we have is that we think that those thoughts have to go out at that person when they really just need to get out, right? So what I would teach my clients is like, listen, before blowing up on your husband or wife or mom or dad or kids or boss or ex or whoever it is, blow up on me. Send every thought that you have to me, right? Because this is something that helped me a lot. Like I didn't have to say it to that person. I just had to vent somewhere. I just needed somebody to hear me get this stuff out. And if nobody was around, you know what I would do? I would write it down. Sometimes I would just hop on my computer, open up a Word document and just type a whole thing about how angry and upset I was. Then afterwards, ha, I felt so much better and I didn't feel this intense need to tell that person, okay? So yeah, like I'm giving you all permission. I give this all of my clients permission as well. If you're gonna blow up, just shoot me a text, shoot me an email, do whatever you gotta do, okay? Now, that doesn't mean I'm gonna reply to it, but I guarantee you will see, you will see that it does feel better. But if it's not me, do it with somebody or even your notebook, okay? Find a dollar and go buy a notebook for a dollar to get out all of your frustrations and emotions. Now, the last thing I will say about Thomas Halbert is he just shared this on Instagram, right? And it says, someone said that self-care was also choosing not to argue with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. I felt that. And Thomas said, I felt this learning this. Yes, okay, so here's the thing. Here's my worry about Thomas. Here's my worry about all of you. I used to be one of those people who would post these things, right? I would share these things, but I wasn't practicing the principle of what I said. So this is something that I practiced today and I really do hope it's something that Thomas works on. I hope it's something that you're working on, right? But anyways, this is something that I talk to Tristan about all the time. So Tristan is a person I vent to. You guys, Tristan and I, I'm not gonna tell you who it was, but we were watching a YouTuber the other night and I was having a rough night. I was all emotional and worked up and I was whining and complaining to Tristan while she was over here. And then her and I watched this YouTubers video and this dude has over 100,000 subscribers and he just lost it. He's lost it on camera. He went through the process of losing it on camera, taking the file, putting it on his computer, uploading it to YouTube, making a thumbnail. Like he did all of these steps and I'm like, oh my God, like this is not the place to do that for that specific purpose. It was definitely not the place to do that. And this is what I'm trying to tell all of you guys, like you don't always have to like fight back. You don't always have to do that. Like Tristan keeps me in check. Like there's so many times when like Tristan helps me avoid tweeting out something stupid. Like you guys, I can't say this enough. So many people are getting taken down by one single tweet. It is important that we learn to restrain ourselves. If you're a YouTuber watching this, restrain yourself. Then somewhere else, you don't have to tell the entire world how pissed off you are. You don't need to do that. And this is for all of you too. You don't need to go tell everybody on Facebook. You don't need to go tell everybody on Twitter. You don't gotta share it on Instagram. You don't have to make this public, okay? Talk to one person or join the Rewired Soldier Facebook support group and vent in there. You don't have to like publicly act like a fool. Like it only makes us look bad. Like something I'm always trying to think about is like, what impression am I giving other people? How are people seeing me? Do I want them to see me this way? Or do I not, right? And a lot of people don't understand why so many people see them in a certain light. It's because of stuff like this. It's because of the way that they clap back on Twitter. It's because of the way they make these YouTube videos. It's because of what you're posting on Facebook or what I like to call vague book where you know what you do when you like make that Facebook post that's targeted as this like passive aggressive BS towards one person where you post it on your Facebook page for all like 500 of your friends to see. Like just stop it. Just stop it. It's childish. And trust me, I'm saying this because I used to do it too, all right? Sorry, this was a bit of a longer video. It's just anger management is something I'm very passionate about because I used to have so many anger issues, all right? So let me know down in the comments below. Like let me know if you struggle with like replying to people and clapping back at people and do you feel guilty about it? Do you feel bad about it? But like we do at the Rewind Soul, let me know in the comments, what's your solution? Are you gonna start writing this stuff down in a notebook? Are you gonna start, you know, messaging a friend? Are you gonna start messaging me? I don't care what it is. Let's talk about the solution down in the comments, all right? And also remember, tweet at Thomas and make sure he reads that damn book. Okay? Anyways, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up if you're new. Make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And a huge, huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You helped me do something I love which is spread a message of hope. And if you would like to help support the channel for as little as a dollar a month and I have some more Patreon Q&As coming up, make sure you click or tap right there on that icon. All right, thanks so much for watching. Keep your mouth shut and I'll see you next time.