 I've had a role interesting for the last year and a half. Before that, I was a spiritual teacher. I've had a course in miracles, and I've stayed in for over years, and I'm just doing healings. It was relatively happily moving and thriving quite a life. I was a little obsessed with the psychic world. I was asking for guidance on every little thing, which of course is to do, but I wanted to know about things that would have been left unknown perhaps. Anyway, I was struck one day with a very strange illness. It was taken over by voices. And basically became a channel through a person, which is almost a joke, because the course talks about, you know, and other teachings talk about enlightenment, non-bullitional lifestyle, everything happens by itself. And here I was having so much speak for me and take my body wherever I need to go. To my head, no choice whatsoever, about six months. It started out kind of fun, kind of strange, but I'm not too painful, but it slowly ran my life to the ground, until everybody was gone, except for my school brats. And I was in Southern California, and then I was hit with, I was told the voices would go away at a good time, and they did. And then I was hit with an anxiety and a pressing disorder, which I still strive for. And I was brought up here in secondary function, and really everything ended, but not anything. And that was the way I ended. I'm still trying to hide in very close to suicide in the hospital a couple of times, since I've been up here recently. And I just had a good week, but I'm heading into a rough period, which I know when they come. And so I just, it's really ironic, because I was living a spiritual life, and I don't really know how to continue living like even now. I'm in a highly ancient state, and it's really surreal. Things seem unreal to me, and I've been given all kinds of side-to-cut drugs. And I never took any drugs so far. Everything I believed in is just crashed. All my belief systems were crashed. All my faith was crashed in every way. So I guess I wanted to, it's very hard to live in this moment, because it's very uncomfortable. The last few days were good, but it's not comfortable now. And it's just really anxious, so really depressed, so really painful. And I don't really know how to live with it in the present moment. I do a lot of chanting, and that sometimes helps me break through. And sometimes I can feel that subtle place where the ego is resisting going into the light. But honestly, I just don't know how to live with it. And I'm going to everyone under the sun to help me get better. So if you have any feelings, comment about that. Thanks to you. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you're going down, down, down into the light. This goes for everyone, sooner or later, at the same time. And the personal perspective is the ego. It's helping a person. It's helping a spiritual person, because it's still ego's lens. When you're looking through the personal perspective, even the spiritual personal perspective, it starts to be entangled after a while, because it's just not natural. There's an expansive state in the present moment. It's just no limits whatsoever. No personal construct whatsoever. We have experienced that for a time. That's great. You had new members, that's probably, but it's drawn you on, kept you going. It's just members that, or it's like you see a huge fist that opens up your mind is so vast and so expansive that you think, ah, this is it. This is natural. And something seems to cover it over. And so I've talked for many years, about 12 years on letting go of personal perspective. In the end, that's what I think that people, if you get on this journey, they'll start to go downward, but it's like once they start to see the ego starts to think, we admit it. That's annihilation, because the ego believes that it is a person. And to it, it thinks of spiritual awakening as death or annihilation. I remember, here we are in the Pacific Northwest, there's Linda Farber there. There was Tom and Paul, Paul and Susan. I remember Raj talking one time and Paul was getting very nervous about this very thing. Where is this all leading? Me, all these years of Christian science and channeling around, and it's like, what is going to happen? And basically each saying, what's going to happen to me and what's going to happen to Susan and what's going to happen to Chris, you know, and going down the line. Family members listen to this. And Raj said, oh, I'm here. We're here. There be her. Here be heaven. We're all here. There's no worry about losing anything or leaving anything behind. We're all here. And there is a there. It's all here. A friend who had kind of a mystical experience like that one day, where she was laying in his bed whenever it took place. Like, you know, doing a whatsoever. And later on she came downstairs and she just was like saying, she said, we're living up to here. I was just in absolute oneness. And then, where are we? We're just living up to here. We're just living up to here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all here. We're all at night. We're really all here. Alright, that's it for this video, thanks for watching, and I'll see you in the next one!