 Hi everybody. Welcome to Mindset Mondays with Roseanne and Jenny. I'm Roseanne. And I'm Jenny. Hey Jenny, nice to see you from across the pond. Jenny's from Northern Ireland and I'm speaking to you from Arizona in the United States. Both of us work for the Alcohol Free Lifestyle Programs as coaches. I am an enrollment and client journey coach in our Project 90 program. And Jenny is the new community manager in our 30 day no alcohol challenge. And we like to tell people that we have the best jobs in the world because we get to watch people transform their lives in very short periods of time just by taking alcohol and putting it over to the side. For more information about Jenny or my journey, you can go to the podcast episodes. My personal journey episode is 19. Jenny's is a simple 20 episodes away at 39. And then you can get some backstory to how we found an alcohol free life. Today we're recording through Facebook live across a number of platforms, but we're also recording for our podcast series. So welcome to everybody. Before we get started, I wanted to make sure that you guys all have access to the alcohol freedom formula. And that can be obtained through the link that Melanie is going to provide below. And it is also available at JamesSwanwick.com slash guide. Today we are talking about whether or not it is possible to be fun with alcohol. And I'm going to let Jenny lead the charge on this subject. Go ahead, Jenny. Thank you, Roseanne. Before I start, note to self, never appear on camera in a flesh colored top. Jenny and I are both new at this. I am actually wearing clothes. Okay. So can we be fun without alcohol? Two of the things that people often say or worry about, Elizabeth, when they're not drinking is first of all, if I'm not drinking and I'm out of function, am I going to be boring? And secondly, the other side of that is am I going to be bored? So am I going to be boring? You know, sometimes we think we need a drink to make ourselves gregarious and fun and like and so good party. And it's actually quite good to sit back and think, how are the people perceiving us? Because when we've got a couple of drinks in us, you know, we can maybe be a little bit loud, a little bit repetitive, a little bit repetitive. See what I did there. A little bit over affectionate, a little bit emotional, maybe even a little bit aggressive. I've probably been all of those things in the space of one evening. And you know, even at the best case scenario, we're probably not really present, not fully engaged, not really listening to people. We're just not showing up as our best selves. And people see that and can sense that we're just not quite where we're there with them. And that's not really a very nice way to show up. So are you going to be boring with alcohol? No, you're not. You're going to be a lot more fun because you're going to be a lot more present and a lot more with the people that you're actually with. So the other question then, am I going to be bored if I'm not drinking? Kevin who's head coach at Project 90 talks about this quite a lot. So I'm shamelessly just going to quote from him. Kevin always says, you know, we can all remember times when we've had fun with alcohol and fun without alcohol and we can also remember times when it wasn't fun, even if we were drinking and it wasn't fun, even if we weren't drinking. So kind of the common denominator in that is us. So how much fun you get out of a party or any other engagement is really about you and your mindset and how you approach it. And if you go into that event being in the mindset of being light and fun and free and open and engaged with people and listening to people and enjoying the atmosphere, you're probably going to have a good time and alcohol is not really relevant to that at all. You know, that said, there are times when a shit party is just a shit party. Maybe you're not in the mood, maybe someone else is in the mood and it's just not doing it for you. And I would say situations like that have an exit strategy, you know, leave early, not easy to do because you're all party, of course, but you could always find an excuse to take five minutes out, go to the bathroom, play with the kids for a bit, just take yourself out of the situation and regroup. But, you know, good times really are good times that you want to remember and the chances are if you're having a few drinks, you're not going to have the best time and if you are having a good time, you're probably not going to remember it anyway. So is not drinking boring? No, is not drinking something that you're going to be bored with? I don't think so. Rosanne, I want you to talk about something which used to affect me and you're going to say, Jenny, this is because of your cool British reserve and your stiff upper neck. But what about when we think alcohol is good because it helps us be a bit more confident or helps us get rid of our inhibitions? Any thoughts on that? Yeah, well, it does, doesn't it? But our brains and minds were built with an amazing and powerful way to offer some warning systems, right? And some of those warning systems were built for our survival. And sometimes when we use alcohol, we can depress those warning systems and as a result, our inhibitions are lowered. Well, that's not necessarily what we want to have. I mean, we may think it makes it easier, but what actually ends up happening is we may say something we didn't mean to say. We may enter into a physical relationship that we didn't really want to enter into. We may, God forbid, have a car accident. There are just so many things that can happen when our warning systems aren't operating full speed. And it's quite frankly, it's dangerous. I think all of us that have drank alcohol to excess definitely have stories in their heads that they wish weren't there. I talked to a gentleman recently on an enrollment call, and he just couldn't get out of his head the fact that he was on a business trip and cheated on his wife. And it was completely 100% alcohol related. And he not only regrets it, but he just literally can't get it out of his head. And those are the types of things that we may use alcohol to uninhibit ourselves. But is that really what we want? Is that the person we want to be? I think in at least for me in Project 90, what I've learned is to stretch into uncomfortable places that we may use alcohol to stretch into instead. But when you can stretch those concepts into wins for yourself, then you develop this confidence that you don't need alcohol for. Danny is asking us for good and bad stories. You have good and bad stories. I have a story about my first endeavor, and I don't know if you do, Jenny, but my first endeavor out to a bar with friends without alcohol. First of all is committed. So drinking was not even a thought in my mind, but processing the experience was. And when I sat down at a bar table with about six friends of mine, I immediately did get an uncomfortable feeling. I just said, hmm, I don't belong here. But that was a reaction, right? And I wanted to go, but I kept fighting this feeling like I don't belong. And I'm like, well, Rosanne, let's just be present. Let's just listen. And so I kind of put myself, my normal kind of thought process to the side and other things. And I started listening to conversation. And I started getting involved in conversation. And I started having fun in conversation. And the whole story that I had told myself about not belonging somewhere went away, anticipated. And, you know, I think it's just exploring that new habit and fighting that old one or just recognizing that's an old pattern, that's an old thought pattern that you have to change. And so the more I exercise that thought pattern, the new thought pattern, the easier it becomes. Can you think of an example, turning it around? Yeah, well, I mean, I have so many examples of both bad times. And I'll say good times with alcohol. But, you know, I think we worry a lot about the fear of missing out. And if you think about it, if I think about some of my experiences, what am I missing out on? I'm missing out on losing my keys, embarrassing myself, falling over, forgetting where I lived. I've done all those things. And that's not really missing out on very much, you know. Fun about alcohol is just playing on adulterated farm with no regrets in the morning. Another issue that comes up sometimes is if you're out somewhere and you're being pressured to drink, I mean, I would always suggest having your mind what you're going to ask for when someone asks you if you'd like to drink. So yeah, I'd love a sparkling water, please. Or I'd love a really spicy tomato juice or whatever it is you're going to have. And they'll always be, most people won't care, either that you're not drinking or that they won't even notice half the time. But, you know, sometimes there'll be the village idiot who insists on pressing you on it. And what do you say in that circumstance? And again, it's good to have a line prepared, something that you feel just really comfortable with. So it might be, I'm on a health kick at the minute. And part of that is I'm not drinking and feel really good on it. Something simple like that. If someone persists, it's quite good to have a line. I sometimes say, well, I think I've used up my lifetimes quota, something like that. And really, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. So long as you're saying it in a tone of voice that implies or shows that it's not bothering you and you're quite happy, then why should it bother them? And you know, at the end of the day, you're not answering to anyone about your decision not to be drinking. It's no one's business but your own. And if other people choose to make an issue of it, it's quite often because they feel it's maybe reflecting a little bit back onto them and making them uncomfortable about their own drinking habits. So, you know, again, if you're under that kind of pressure, just disengage yourself from the conversation. You don't have to go there. And the point is the question is, you know, can you be fine? Have you felt like you've been fine without alcohol? I've been, I felt like I've been more fine. Have you? Yeah, I just think I'm in all honesty, I'm a nicer person to be arrived when I'm not drinking. Yeah, I'm not as loud. I don't tell, start to tell a funny story and then forget the punchline. I don't get over emotional. And yeah, I really, really am a nicer person without a couple of drinks in me. No jokes. Right. And by the way, for those that are watching us live on Facebook live, feel free to say hello. Tell us where you're, you, Cassandra is saying I passed out during a PTA once. It was so bad. My kid had to transfer. Yeah, Cassandra, thank you for sharing that story. That was, thank you, thank you because we've all had those situations where, you know, it's embarrassing. And there is life, fun life after, after being alcohol free, I went on a wine tour with my friends and, you know how in the limo that, you know, when you do a wine tour, at least in Southern California, they have a limo and they're always blasting the music on the way home. And because of course you had a lot to drink by that time and you want to dance on the bus. But I was dancing on the bus and I was like so into it. I didn't even occur to me, you know what I mean? So yeah, it's, it's a transition. I'm not going to say it's not a transition, but is there fun without alcohol? Yes. Heck yes. Right. Do we agree? Yep, definitely. Always, Danny says yes. Have a plan and think about what that plan when you don't have a plan. Yeah, the plan is, and we talked about this on one of our first joint mindset Mondays, and that's 100% in. You know, I talk about this a lot. I have four decades of the habit of drinking and I am going to be 11 months alcohol free tomorrow actually. And even, even lately, you know, I mean four decades is quite the habit. And I don't always have a plan when that thought comes through. But I know the 100% all in is helpful to that plan. It's just it'll come in like Super Bowl Sunday. Oh, it's a drinking day. Well, wait a minute. No, it's not a drinking day. And you just, you know, but it's not, it's not a showstopper. As a matter of fact, Jenny, I don't know if you've had this experience, but I absolutely love my friends and I could care less if they drink or not. But it is fun to watch other people. While you are not drinking, watch the progression of the you know, they stumbled, like I used to do that, or they get louder, or they say something they normally wouldn't say. And so it's, it's quite, it's quite the entertaining experience. And it's when they get closer and closer and closer to you and they're practically spitting in your face and you're trying to step back and then you realise you're against the wall and you can't go back any further. And you know, we were, well, I certainly was, was like that in my drinking day. So it's not about as you say, it's not about judging other people, but it is, you know, it's back to that point about, am I, am I, you know, going to be boring if I'm not drinking? The answer is you're probably going to be so much more boring when you are drinking, particularly as the evening progresses. And you know, that's the other thing if you're in a situation like that, and you're not drinking and you're starting to get a bit bored because other people are getting progressively more drunk or whatever, you know, it's easy to leave because they're probably not even going to notice. They don't care. They don't care at that point. They don't care at all. Hey, bye! Yeah, yeah. But it is fun to, to kind of feel included. And you know, I like, I guess with this approach, the alcohol freedom formula guide approach, it's, it's a choice. It's not, it's a choice we have. It's not something that's controlling us. And when you switch that, you don't have to avoid situations. You don't have to avoid friends. Now, maybe when you're starting, there might be some triggers that you need to avoid to help you get through the beginning stages. But as you grow in confidence and you're able to, you know, develop an approach and know that it's your choice. It's, what are those pictures? Oh, is that a hand? Someone's giving us a round of applause. I think. Yeah, so I, I just think it's a process. And it's a well worth process. We're here to tell you it is. So any questions out there from our Facebook community before we start winding down our mindset Mondays? We will wait, or you can let us know where you're from. Post your questions below. Anyone else from the UK here tonight? It's always the anti-social time. Jenny, I can't wait till COVID is behind us because you and I are going to party, aren't we? You're coming to the United States. I am. I'm coming over to see one of our Project 90 friends in Montana. And she's going to teach me to ride a horse. And she sent me a picture of her prairies in Montana and her horse. And I took one look and went, do you maybe just have a little donkey that I could ride around your backyard? Because it's too scary. Well, that will definitely be what you want to do with our alcohol. Well, everybody here on Facebook Live, thank you for joining us today. And thank you for joining us on the podcast. If you are interested in our Project 90 format and would like to talk to me, my schedule will be posted in the link below. And if you are listening to our podcast, as soon as it closes out, you'll be given instructions on how to book with one of our coaches. But in the meantime, until next week, Jenny, goodbye from Northern Ireland. Goodbye from Arizona and the United States. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast. I want to load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you want to go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide, which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals reduce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US, of course, it doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US. But if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222, or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15 minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule, or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222. If you're listening in the US on a mobile phone, that's jameswanick.com slash schedule, or you can text the word project 90, that's one word project 90 to the number 44222. Feel free to send me a direct message over on my Instagram account, which is at jameswanick. You can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my YouTube channel, which is James Swanick One, or you can direct message me on Facebook at jameswanickofficial. And finally, a request. Would you please now write a short review of the podcast inside of the Apple Podcast app on your phone or on iTunes on your desktop computer? Would you please give the show five stars and write a quick one or two sentence review? This will help the show get in front of even more listeners, potentially transforming someone's life. You can rate and review the show inside of your Apple Podcast app on your phone or over on iTunes on your desktop. Thank you so much and I'll catch you next time.