 Hahahaha She steals again. I will cut her hands off with scissors, I didn't care if she's six months or six years old Are we live man? Yeah Well welcome to episode number 16 of the Marty and Michael Fully actual podcast. This is episode number 16 now Yeah Dude, what's the song that we were singing today? It's gone No, no, the one that the one that you saying yesterday that caught us in the late afternoon today Yeah, yeah, that one's gone as well. No, it'll come back. It'll come back eventually You don't want to push push it dude James. What was the one that we were just seeing like an hour ago? You missed out on some yeah, you miss yeah, you really know office. There was a good jingle that we will think Through this podcast. I was gonna make everybody laugh anyway fucking oh man the um, you know that lying thing we did last week For the longest time You heard that before Matt. Yeah, I think so it is good sing that with your friends and see how many times you laugh Oh But like real seductively next to the fridge and turn and say for even when there's no one else there. Yeah Can you give us one like throughout the podcast, please Matt a what a song? Oh, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa for the song if you want For the long one whoa, whoa, whoa for the long maybe Key terribly off key The lying the lying segment caught up with us a bit today didn't a bloody um, oh Jackson got us back. Yeah, you fucking Man, he gave he we are we were asking for a certain person's number for the bachelor brown segment and He gave us someone else's number and then we called that person thinking it was another person And it was just a fucking awkward conversation We fully lined up the bachelor brown and then got a message from another friend saying hey, dude That this friend is just message saying they think it's you They said that you've just told them they're gonna be on this podcast and here I am thinking that I was talking to another person and they were cool with it You've got to be on the podcast. It's gonna be funny. Yeah, we'll probably call you in like two hours And she's like I'm at work. Yeah Yeah, we'll like when you have a job We'll just call you after the work and then like basically it got to a point where it got real awkward And like things were thought to be real and they weren't it backtracked and then it was so It's so well done Jackson, but the lying print of segment is having ripple effects all throughout the land Lucky didn't find out for ages. What was the what was the outcome of the last lot here him and Jackson and started messaging me Oh, can you like show me that email that Facebook sent you messaging representatives? Yeah, and Jackson picked it Jackson said no, they're fucking I I'm not gonna believe anything you ever say to me I'll pay you $50 each of you can like convince me of a ligand So today we thought we're gonna call him. Yeah, and we're gonna try and lie to him saying that there was an earthquake Which there was so it's not a lie. It's reverse psychology. Whoa. It's it's the lie is that it's not a lie It makes the segment itself deceitful Wait, so Brisbane had an earthquake Yeah, it's fine Greg Shelton, did you see that one coming Greg Shelton loves earthquakes a very mini little earthquake What else is we're gonna say? Oh, we have to apologize. Oh, yeah, what so last week We obviously did a PO box opening. We did do it. Unfortunately. We had a little glitch and It didn't get didn't make the cut But um in honor of that PO box. I'm wearing the jazz that's what we got in last week's go shirt. I loved it Yeah, that's what we got in last week's peer box. So now you've seen that you've missed out on nothing now All right, and we've got more PO box shit today an entire episode to itself. We're gonna prank all that billboard dude again I'll be Rhonda this time. Oh, I'm so we got a bachelor brown. We got questions. We got Matt Brown's black book We got Michael's Bible. It's a fucking jam fucked episode and lock it lying to lock his segment returns to and Matt's just seen that it's the code We've Number one Is it too fucked to say Brown's mom is a porn star. Hey, sorry Anyway Guys we are running currently running a competition for our podcast We will be selecting one comment at total random from throughout this entire season and giving them $1,000 All right, so any comment you drop on our Marty and Michael fully actual YouTube channel is in the running $2,000 so the more you comment the more chances you have a fucking winning I was gonna randomly pick one so make sure you watch the season finale and of course We also have the cow the comment of the week Which is where we pick the best comment We think out of all of the comments on last week's episode and we put the winner on a board and then at the end of the Season we give another thousand dollars to one of the comments on the board So it's like the one that most made us laugh most yeah And the UOM members who are like what members of the website will vote to see who is the cow winner Fuckin I thought it will ah before we finish shit talk Fucking my fucking taught the whole two houses flooded. Oh shit. What do you know? What's happened? Yeah, the toilet toilet was clogged like fucking Three days sub acting weird and then it got clogged up What do you mean it was acting weird it was just making weird sounds when we were showering or like it would all the water Would go and then it would all the water would be high all of a sudden. So it's just being a bit off Yeah, and then and then it just fucking the one upstairs Whenever we showered Fucking shit and everything would fly out of the toilet downstairs Brown the whole downstairs had shit every Emergency plumber yeah, and fucking there's fucking roots and shit through the pipes Oh, they've bursted through the pipes roots of roots of push through so now they literally they're still at my house now It's like fucking 6 p.m. They're off to get an excavator and they have to dig down in my front yard and then find the pipe Blockage pull it out and stick it all back together They're gonna be there for hours because it's an emergency they have to holy shit, and this has been like this for a couple days Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's getting worse and worse Straight onto that Yeah, well we messaged that real estate and they said oh we've contacted the landlord The whole house smells of shit and piss it smelled like fucking a third-world country dude It was seriously so bad, but anyway, it's fixed now, and yeah, that's shit talk Guys Manscaped has sent us another package right notice there was some new stuff and right some presents They have got some fucking cool shit. You can get You can get some fucking awesome shit from manscape.com all your male grooming products Okay, if you're a if you fucking if you ever want to have sex again Go to manscape.com because you will increase your chances tenfold mad brown. Yes. They've got look at this They've got these the plow 2.0. It's just really refined razor. They've got cologne. They've got foot dusters They've got crop cleansers and crop mops. They're fucking shaver. They got the newest version out It's got a light when you use it so you can see where you're going And it's very hard to nip your sack. You still can so be careful So I could do it in the dark. You can do it, baby. Well, I'm at the park I'm taking to like nightclubs. You don't have one of these yet brown, but these the fuck. Oh, yeah, have that Actually, I got one. Sorry. Have you got one of the manscape ones? Yeah, but when I got my package I bought a weed whacker. Yeah, this literally just takes all the hairs out of your nose Like they're all gone now and then they're gone clear for cocaine. Can I do that too? Actually? Mine are quite fucked. I don't like the feeling. I love it It's like a really it's a pleasure. It's a sensual feeling. I haven't done mine for quite some time You can hear them being cut I want to go Anyway manscape.com have a look at the products if you want 20% off of their awesome fucking shit a Fully actual 20 is the discount code and you'll get 20% off everything. What is it discount code? That's crazy Fully actual 20 Okay, fully actual 20 Manscape.com have a look at this shit. I guarantee there'll be something there that you've never seen and you'll think fuck That's not a bad idea. I need that because I'm a dirty fucking pig. Oh Yeah, yeah Manscaped.com. Oh, we're back guys. We have another and yeah second sponsor good old Nord VPN Right back on the back. They're back for two more this month and let me tell you about fucking Nord VPN All right, these fucking cunts right these fucking legend dog fuckwits, right? They do some good shit. It's 2022 Everyone needs a VPN these days, right? Why why Marty? Why do I need a VPN for security? So no one can track your shit. Do you have one James? When James was doing illegal shit, he had a VPN. So if you're doing any illegal shit Nord VPN is the best VPN It does not one of the only VPNs that doesn't slow your internet down at all You get access to entertainment all over the world for only 335 a month Can't 335 that falls out of my wallet sometimes and I do not even stop to pick it up I've been there 335 a month for a two-year plan. That's fucking nothing. That's no money That's not money considerate zero Then there's 499 a month for the one-year plan and if you use our code fully actual You get a huge discount on top of that already low price and a free Bonus gift. Do you want a present? Do you want a present? Yeah, everyone's a present All you got to do is sign up for Nord. Okay for fuck all money and you get a gift plus an extra month free And there's a money back guarantee if you fucking hate it Okay, so you have nothing to lose. So just give it a try Nord VPN comm fully actual Okay, Nord VPN comm slash fully actual use our code fully actual get out there and get it done cunt Fucking VPN cunt. I'm locking in the shadows Like all you like my brown no one knows where you are with Nord VPN All right, and then of course the link will be in the description Okay for man scape and for Nord VPN slash fully actual the links will be on YouTube in the description for Spotify You'll just have to type it in with your thumbs Anyway, moving along to our final sponsor the fucking fucking crazy shit can't fuck off bitch It's our subscription website the University of Markle where we post weekly videos They're like 30 40 minutes long usually, okay And it's got a fucked up video that we can't post the social media in it like a And either a vlog we're doing a few more vlogs either a fuck science experiment extended pranks all Sorts of fuck. It's a lucky dip Yeah, and man you can check it for free. You don't have to spend any money to just have a look It's a 21 day free trial link is in the description match Watch some videos and if you like it Matt, right? Then you can choose to stay on because you're like oh I laughed so much that I want to laugh like this every week Okay, if it does if it doesn't then you can leave and right and it's no skin off your back And you're gonna go don't get charged any money as long as it's before the 21 days, okay? So you're saying I could you could do it tonight You could do it tonight You could sign up and then you have three weeks to get everything down your gullet But you want because it's over 200 videos now you support our fans by wearing the shirts They send us a fan support me no Matt's only podcast. He hates subscription website That could be true he hates subscription website because we do poos on each other Want to awaken the beast that lurks in the bridges His heart Speaking off oh Bridges and noses the brown the book the book The block book okay before we move on to the sickening this I can just get worried now Yeah, you should you fucking I can't even fucking look at you on this day in 1995 Jamie Oliver made a cake out of arteries He ripped the arteries out of cows necks and froze them until he had enough then he defrosted them or I made a cake with them Not even his own father liked the artery cake ever since then he doesn't like making dessert because he just doesn't understand them Yeah, I guess it's healthy he's been healthy well arteries probably are all right for you Yeah, true human arteries no cow arteries from their neck. He ripped them out So it's pretty graphic and I'll give it to him how thick They'd probably be about that round mate like seriously a good fucking tense a good fucking 10 cent piece round come Do you understand what I'm sort of saying there or not? Yeah? Imagine that having 10 cent pieces thick arteries can't your blood to get so fast around your body You'd be able to run a 200 degrees All right, oh fuck oh all right look here we go can we um I'm a bit on edge about the camera today like he fucks with you I'll check No, no your head. Did you see the move? No, I just I'm a bit on edge. I keep having to delete a lot of things in all right, right? It's more like mine is still going so you're saying you're so you're saying your camera May have its storage full now cuz I've just been saying yeah I'm just been downloading heaps of our poor of our movies and a podcast to make clips and sometimes I forget to delete and Well, we're gonna have to be checking that every five minutes the way you don't like it that way. I love it this way No, you liked it the other way last week. Oh really changes Oh Okay, everyone Moving along. Yes, it's time to the darkest Most self-pitying fucked thing that has ever Sunk into your fucking ears cunt. I reckon it's nice. I have in my hands Doug found in a gravesite many many moons ago. This was book was written He's like a hundred and something he's 159 years old Matthew Greg Brown has written in great detail every single fuck that he has received or given in this fucking black book In such vivid detail that I go home and cry vomit Oh no, that's good Okay, james is leaving. Are you gonna hear it? He stood up to here. I'm sorry. I thought you were going home It's like disgusted with the blackboard silent So just to recap last week matt brown had to have himself in order to keep his life going All right, so now it is time for his trial Here we go Ah Number 53 I spent the next two days recovering from the ordeal. I was near moments from death but managed to survive I found some jelly beans in my pocket. I gobbled them down like a starving child in a bakery and chuckled to myself The guards came to get me in the morning of my fifth day of isolation It was trial day. I knew I must look absolutely horrific They threw me a new prison uniform cuffed me and took me to court I felt nothing but despair the rat fucking was one thing But attacking that inmate and biting his cock and balls off will be hard to explain to the judge Plus I was weak because I had it had been two days since I had had anything again Once we got to court. I was appointed a lawyer from legal aid His name was bob trung and he was blind in one eye He didn't speak a word of English and just shrugged whenever I spoke to him We entered the court and waited for the judge I asked bob if he'd even looked at my case and he stared at me with his completely white eye and shrugged All rise We stood as the judge entered I made eye contact with the judge and he stopped Then he quickly looked away and kept walking How peculiar I watched him walk and there was something oddly familiar about the judge He was tall about my height had long black hair Beady black eyes and a thick red beard and just wearing a black judge's robe I noticed the judge was purposely avoiding my gaze as he read through my charges And matt brown. How do you plead? Hmm even his voice sounded oddly familiar Guilty your honor Care to explain your actions during your short stay in prison matthew Your honor. I felt I had no choice but to attack I attacked because I knew if I didn't I would have been killed later on The judge stared at me and then he smiled at me and gently shook his head Sounds like self-defense to me cleared of all charges and then he banged his gavel down I was in total shock. I was certain I was going to jail for many years But this judge had just cleared all my charges Matt, can I see you in my office for five minutes? I'd like a word I nodded still in shock. I said goodbye to my lawyer and gave him a carrot I left the courtroom and found the judge's office. I knocked nervously still unsure about what was happening Come in I opened the door and the judge was sitting at his desk, but had the chair turned around so I could only see his back You have no idea who I am. Do you brown? You're losing your touch after all these years Who are you? I needed to know he slowly turned his chair And when I saw the face without the beard my jaw dropped Question Yes, Matthew. That's right. I've become a judge and now I have helped free you. You owe me I knew this day would come if you don't return my favor I will have you thrown in jail My happiness turned back into despair and my sloppy heart skipped 10 beats I was too weak to win a physical fight against questin questin You have bested me What do you want? I want to have you Matt Right here right now my shoulders slump. Yes questin. You may have me on one condition You let me have you too I haven't had for two days and I won't last much longer Deal my brother I was still slumped in my chair, but undid my shirt buns with one hand Then I lazily pulled my pants down to my ankles questin removed his clothing His little brown was already pulsing its eye locked onto me questin now stood over me naked He got down on his knees and with his thumb and pointer finger gently grabbed my floppy little brown And slowly wrapped his warm brotherly lips over my cock. He started sucking slowly at first. We both maintained eye contact I felt my little brown start to swell and my brother increased his sucking speed Before long I was rock hard and my brother munched and slurped on my hard little brown I grabbed the back of questin's head and started thrusting against his sucks Then questin threw my legs over his shoulders and stood up I was still in the chair, but now my legs were lifted up which exposed my brown dot questin's slippery little brown glided into my guts the feeling shocked me and I gasped questin while still working deep into my eyes started fucking me My strong ass cheeks slapped against his hips with every thumping thrust questin grabbed my legs and dragged me onto the ground He flipped me onto my belly. He got on my back and I presented my ass to him by lifting it in the air questin dove in slamming his little brown deep within my body He had one hand around my neck and with the other hand he reached around and started tossing me off He lent in and centrally sucked my ear. I could hear his saturated tongue Slop and stab around in my ear canals. I turned my head sideways so he could reach my mouth Our lips locked and our tongues wrestled as my brother continued to fuck my ass I could sense he was getting close so I pushed back into him so his cock slid even deep into my core Then I felt that his dick erupted with stinking hot gravel I felt his gravel filling my inside as my brother ejaculated inside of me I felt a part of my soul die questin continued to toss me and I too started coming Bloody mints tumbled from my gout infected cock We both finished mincing and questin's now flaccid slippery little brown exited my body There was a few minutes of silence as we tried to process what had just happened questin started laughing I own you now matt. I am the alpha brown now so I can have you whenever it pleases me I was stunned exhausted and satisfied gravel continued to bubble and leak from my asshole I couldn't believe questin had finally bested me now get the fuck out of my office and enjoy the freedom I've given you I'll be seeing you again soon you fucking pig I really collected my clothing got dressed and headed home questin was now the family's alpha hava Which meant I was vulnerable at least I was free for now Oh Gravel is the new term and what the fuck so Your brother Wanted to like just just became a judge So just so because he thought that you would slip up one day and get arrested so that he could look at your here Look at your case. That's intelligent man. Just so he could get a he could fuck you that's intelligence work question Wow, so you know how old were you there? 70 something How old were you there brown town? When questin your brother had sex with you Oh fuck very good. Yeah, that was a great deal. Thank you for that matt. Honestly. Thank you Fuck you. Fuck you for first of all, but thank you. I reckon. I love that. Thanks for sharing But fuck you. Okay, you got away with a lot. Just then you bit a man's dick and balls off Just goes to show it's not what you know, it's who you know, how you know it Enjoy musical Marty, can you see it? We literally write a storyline and have like A watching musical Yeah, but our musicals could be anything like let's get married julians or just some clales and some flales Look, we're about to sit down with a man who has just been fucked by his brother He's sitting on a toilet. Suck it in. I let it flow And we're back All right, it's time for bachelor brown And this is a segment where Michael and I out of the goodness of our hearts have decided to help Matthew Gregory brown out by helping him find a partner It's it's been tough going out there, right? He's he's nearly 40 years old. I'm not he's all alone He's sitting on a toilet in a podcast. I'm 35 And and he's fucking he's struggling. He's he's lonely. He's depressed and he's really having a tough tough time at home So michael and I we go out every week and we find a potential partner for matt We know what matt needs in his life Five better than one. Do you actually know what better than what you do. I better look at us. Look at how happy Look how happy and healthy our relationships are matt brown. It's a sip So the we found the one I reckon this is the one all right. How did last week's go? Yeah, yeah, did you talk? Um, just briefly. Oh for fuck's sake. It's always briefly with you even sex. She did offer She did offer psychology To me if I never needed Well, that's cool to have for free. Yeah. Yeah, we'll be inviting her back Yeah, she might she's top three. Definitely Is it this one the last one three the last one? Yeah So this all right. So yeah, we're gonna get a girl on the phone that wants to date matt brown And we're gonna let them have a little phone date. Okay. That's what we're doing for you every week We gift you a date. You're fucking welcome Yeah, wow, this is probably the one and by the end of the year by the way, we're gonna fly the top three girls The season finale and and it's gonna get crazy. They'll be on the pot top three winners It'll be like perfect match and then matt has to pick one and marry them I'm still they they're moving in for a month. I reckon there's no way you can you I'm not going to marry one of these I've literally protested every single time. Are you saying you we offer you 39 potential mates and you say no to all of them? No, I haven't said no to all of them. Exactly. So there's a chance. I don't want three at the end. I don't want them here I don't well. We're not we're not getting more than three matt. All right. It's gonna be three No, don't don't get greedy one. I don't want them all here. Yeah, I want some all here I Can only have one they can't all live with you forever Look, we can invite them all if that's what you want. Let's just get this over with All right, here we go. This is amy Stop Hello Matt shut up. Sorry matt's breathing really heavily. Hello. Is this amy? Yes Matt stop it Welcome to the marty and michael Fully actual podcast. This is the best biggest podcast in the whole entire fucking world. You didn't even know that did you? No, yeah, yeah, so now when someone asks oh one of the biggest podcasts ever is This one mighty michael for the actual and we have sitting next to us a very sweaty nervous shivering Got shit in his teeth and his eyes all fucking jiggling his ass around Nervous nervous matt brown. That's not helping He's bleeding amy and he is so excited to talk to you that he was plucking his eyebrow hairs out with a fork earlier Fucking weird shit, man. So we've we've we've we've got him here and you guys we want to see if you there's a connection between you So we're just going to leave you guys have a little chat get to know each other a bit See if there's a spark and maybe come back at the end of the season introduce me like that All right guys pretend we're not here No one's listening no one's watching everyone just ignore them and you two go Hey, amy, how are you? Tell you tell you own a boat say you own a boat own a boat talk yourself up a bit more Like a dingy um, I could lift 50 Amy, where are you from? Oh That's only an hour away. That's only an hour away, especially if you speed on the highway like you do when you're Um, I grew up on the gold coast Have talked about gold coast Where about I grew up in palm beach Anyway, tell me I love to go on the boat. Yeah, yeah, Matt's really Matt's shockingly funny. Um, when the fucking cameras aren't rolling He always gets a bit shy. Um, do you want to have a go at a joke? No, um, can I? Tell about your cacti collection. Yeah, I got some cactuses tell her about that abortion you had to have Uh, tell me about yourself, amy. What do you do for work and fun? Uh, I'm a nerd. Oh cool. Matt loves uniforms Um, I have children 12 and 8 12 and 8. How old are you? I'm like 2, uh, 33. 33. Do we know each other? Oh Oh, yeah, you could be lying about you lying about your name. Maybe we know each other. Do you know my boy? Um, and so what made you come on here See force see there wasn't too force. Yeah, see I feel bad for you. You're forced to come on here Yeah, no, no Blind date blind date be blind day Amy if we're gonna go on a date, what's an ideal first day? That's getting confident. Yeah stretch out of it A nice dinner. Where would you want to what type of food? Oh That loves flesh So you like steak so I have to take you somewhere with nice steak. Yeah, or you can just Pull one out pulling out of the freezer and we can Um, I can eat it, but I don't usually eat a lot. He loves oysters All right, Matt's gonna try and kiss you Matt's just said he's gonna try and kiss you All right, I don't want to stop kissing the microphone in three Do you agree to the kiss? You got to kiss the phone you got to kiss the phone in three seconds three unless you don't want to of course Matt happy have crush on her Did you kiss the phone? No, I felt a hesitation. You've been asking all the questions. What do you like Matt? Oh, I am a mysterious case I don't know. I keep quite busy, but you know, I do this stupid podcast Very motivated very motivated seller Tell her that your own houses Is that investing into some startup businesses? Wow, that was horrible. I don't know. I'm pretty trying to impress him. No, I'm pretty simple. I like I don't know. I like I'm a bit This is never ever gonna work that was that was Matt Amy, this is what I literally said this other day. I said what happens if I actually meet someone that I like Oh, yeah, that's what I'm afraid of no, we'll be the steak. We'll be the steak. Yeah, I know you would be I'm worried Yeah Anyway, yeah, I'm truly scared that I that yeah like the dream girl will call in And it's just gonna fail because I've got these two hyenas humming all the time rude. No, that was you You humming then you fucking you're embarrassed about sound so blame us You are the hummer Matthew Brown But I have to say I mean I have to say me if you can put up with this You must have a killer sense of humor. So All right, well, thank you so much for jumping on the call. That's Amy. I know it's Gets a bit weird sometimes because Matt's still very unsure on like how to talk about stuff, but he's learning. He's learning Yeah, no, it's not easy. He's just not good in comfortable situations, but he's learning he's getting there Okay, and we were trying to help and anyway, um, if you want to continue your conversation with Matthew Gregory Brown The greatest hava the world has ever seen you can uh, do you have instagram Amy? Uh, yeah Yes My son set it up for me and I just don't use it. All right Well, you can use it to talk to matt brown one one one four ones if you want to okay You can slide into DM'd he'll be waiting and you guys can continue this chat Because because honestly did you I feel like there was a slight spark I thought um, could you tell like I mean, there's some chemistry Especially where matt was coming really good We were great mediators about it like we said we definitely incubated that conversation well Yeah So thank you for joining us and if matt matt Wants to um, he'll he might invite you back at the end of the season all expenses paid trip to brisman Um, just just uh Not well Limousine treatment If you live on the gold coast limousine, yeah, you get limousine treatment and you can bring five friends But they have to live with matt for the month as well Anyway All right, thank you so much for your time and yeah, um, hopefully things work out with your matt brown We hope to hear from you again soon Thanks guys. See you Amy That was matt top three She's top three for sure man. You guys uh I she sounded pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah, and you guys just attacked No, you you're like, oh this one's working out this one's work. We have to destroy this No, she thought you're humming with sexy someone grateful cunt Unbelievable you get we put you on fucking 40 dates and you sitting there telling us we're the problem cunt I don't see you lining up fun dates, mate Yeah, that's true. That's true. So there you bloody go, baby Top three. I reckon she's in the top three now. So And it's only one of the gold coast so it'd be easy to work if she chose your number one I don't will say she just nailed the conversation nothing threw her off. She was so you love it Yeah, so you're saying, yeah But you still need to know what she looks like I'm that brown. I'm superficial. That was me being you. I'll just I'll just date her over the phone All right, let's light a locky. Oh, yes All right, this is a segment where we call locky one of our mates and just lie to him every week We've we've it's been what two three weeks in a row This'll be our third week But we lie to him all the time. He was pretty upset about the last one So we're gonna call him and then we're gonna tell him dude. Did you hear there was a fucking earthquake in brisman today? And the lie is that that is a lie Yeah, so it's still a lie. It's So we're gonna say that and then we're gonna go. Oh, no, it's just a lie. We turn the tables on it We turn the tables Dude, wait dude, just wait. Okay Did you guys did you did you guys feel the earthquake today from the gold coast? Did you do I swear to god online right now google it right now put put me on speaker and google it earthquake in brisman today Do you No, you have to look it up to trust me. You will be shocked or we are wizards This one kiddo is it this this won't count if you fucking just type it into google and see what comes up I'm gonna do it. Okay. There was a 2.9 magnitude earthquake. Yes, funny boy. Exactly We got you so we got you You didn't you thought it was a lie, but it wasn't lie and also dude Actually, there was not an earthquake today Yeah, it was like I'm reading it Ha ha Lachlan, we got you We did it Thank you for it again, man You were such an idiot on that one, but yeah, very good. Lucky got you again. Yeah. Anyways chat to you later, mate Oh He fell for it He's fucking fell for it everyone. That is so funny. Holy shit. He fully googled it and it did happen He fully googled it man, and then we told him it didn't oh man, that's optimal work Yeah, that's optimization that's optimization Oh Fucking well done ass that is best shit behavior Fucking oath, man All right, it's time to move on to quest comment of the week I'm gonna beg here guys. All right. I'll beg a bit Please subscribe on youtube if you haven't done so and on spotify It's really easy to scroll to the top and you can give us a five star review It really helps out, you know, how many we got so far because no one youtube and spotify They don't like this podcast. So this is literally grown into what it is today through word of mouth Do you understand we don't we're not getting a spotify podcast show It's not being shown to millions of people for free. This is ground from day one come Some of you sick freaks have been here from day one and you know you've seen the shit We do and talk about is never monetized. So please show support by commenting Liking subscribing and five star reviewing man, and that's as simple as that baby That's very well said. Thank you, man. See i'm trying. I'm trying How would you say please i'm trying for it? Say please could you do something? Please could you do something? Oh fucking helmet. That was not bad. Just fucking keep it shut Okay Anyway Comment of the week and this is a segment everyone where we pick the comment that we like the most on last week's episode And we cut it out and we put it on a fucking huge poster Right and at the end of the season we pick out of all of the best comments from every episode We pick the season's best comment and that person will win $1,000 That is a separate competition of the one we are running where all you have to do is comment And every time you comment it's an entry Where you can win $1,000 at the end of the season as well where we just pick a random comment any random comment from this season That's crazy. That's unheard of man. That's life changing All right. Are you ready? No Now I am all right the cow went to Celia oh fuck i'm about to say seamus, but it's shameless Oh, ho ho ho ho brown town Brown town so seamus. Oh donahoe. Oh donahoe. I don't know who Is that unsettling? Um All right from the seamus. Oh donahoe. You got cow. Um and the comment is Greg's son matt greg That is good shit because if you think about it that is a He's a sentence that is correct. It's a fact. Read it again. So Matt's dad is called Greg. So Greg's son, Matt, Greg. We have to go back into it. Just remember how shit the name is if it's Greg. Should I bring him on? Greg's man. You'd be so upset if you get to an age where you understand what names are and then you're like, fucking Greg is so shit. It'd be good to bring dad on and just be like, oh, Greg, the guys are not happy with the name Greg. Look at this, Matt. Look at that, Matt. What's going on there? What the fuck? He got me. I was like, what is going on? Greg Smith thinks that we were talking about him when we bagged Greg. Yeah, we were talking about another Greg. Technically, you were. Yeah, you're right. Because all Gregs are still the same name. Yeah, true. I'm upset at that. Was he? He sent a message saying assholes. Fuck you all. I like you assholes. Is there any big part about it? Wait, does he think that I'm calling him my dad? Possibly. No, I don't know what Greg thinks. He thinks what he's talking about him, not your dad. Look, I don't know what Greg thinks. I don't know what Greg thinks right now. I can't wish he was. Anyway. Greg. Tennis. Say it backwards. Say Greg back up. Greg. Yeah. It's the same backwards as it is. It's the same sound. It's the same sound. Greg. Greg. It's exactly the same sound. That shouldn't be like that. It's one of those words that's the same backwards. Greg. Greg. Sam. All right. Oh, thank you, Greg. Let's move on to questions. All right. We're going to answer some of your questions. We answer the ones the most likes first. Okay. So if you want us to answer your question, just comment your questions. I have a scroll through here with which other questions you like and why answer them. Go. Spiral. That jump around like jumping jack. Give me that fruit. Give me that fruit. See, this is why we can't have nice things because you guys fuck them up. You put that impulse in my impulse uncontrollable sometimes. Man. That's a risky throwing that through through here, man. You just risked the entire podcast. Hey, I took a risk and I do it every day of the week. Now sit down, you gumpy cunt. Questions. Number one. First question is from Casey Bluntock and they have asked, Hey, Marty, what's your dad's last name? No. All right. Top question went to Ryan Ferdinand's. Ferdinand's. And his question for the podcast was, what is Marty's dad's name? Last episode got me curious. If he keeps it a secret, I'm going to assume it's a name. I can't say. It's just a weird, weird name. It's shunct. Shunct. So yeah, it's just like people don't really get it. And like usually reactions like that. So I don't really say it anymore. Ever. Shunct. Shunct. Oh my God, dude. It's not good. It's not good. Shunct. Oh my God, dude. It's not good. No way is that his name, dude. No, it can't be real. Sorry. That could be a German name. That's what I reckon he's telling the truth. Shunct is a German name. That is so fucked. There's babies right now called shunct. Of course. The man that produces you is called. Now you're getting racist. Now you're delving into some offensive territory. Yeah, highly. And now you're in danger of hurting feelings. What's your grandfather's name? Also a shunct. It's also a shunct. Oh shit, that's real. Yeah, shunct. Senior and shunct. I know. I know you're lying now. I swear to God, they have the same name. All right. What, like shunct senior and shunct junior? Can we please move along? I'm so offended. That is so good about you. Great, great, great father's name. Shunct. Oh, bullshit. No way. But that is fucked. If that is your dad's actual name. Wow. Of course. I won't be talking about this anymore. Okay, next question. Next question is from Rick Stendorf. Boys, where's the best place to visit in Australia if you had to give me a suggestion of where to go? Go to the movies. Nice answer. No, where's good in Auslan? I don't know. It depends what you want. Yeah, Brissy's all right. You got the beach that's quite close, but you still got a city vibe. Fraser Island? Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, what about? You go to Yambar? What about the Whitsundays? Yeah. Yeah, I've never been there. How about the Northern Territory? Cairns? Tasmania? See you in the NT. Perth? Adelaide? Tawumba? What about Fitzroy? Cray? Great dividing range. You can drive through the great dividing range. Logan? The Great Australian Bight. At Clough's Harbour, there's the Big Banana. The Capricorn. Tropical Islands off the East Coast. What about Texas, Queensland? You got the highway that goes down to Guangolagon. You can go to New Zealand here. New Zealand's pretty cool in Australia. It's like the coldest place in Australia in New Zealand. They've got fucking crazy high countries. Towers. Big towers of ice on top. I think I've never been there. Sorry. All right, next question is from Candice Maher. I made up name. No, depending where she's from, I'm not sure. All right, podcast question. What were your yearbook quotes? Did you have yearbook quotes? Yeah, we did. Did we really? Yeah, we did. Yours, you remember yours? It's gone. No, that wasn't it. Why? That's probably what it was. Do you remember yours, Marty? No, I lied. I thought we were just going to make them up. He didn't roll with that, though. Oh, well. Let's do it again. Let's try it again. Let's do it now. Let's leave everything in. What's your yearbook quote? I think it was, like, this one's for Stewie. Because I was, like, proud about the right man that we'd found. Well, like, yeah, he was, like, it was, like, that week that it happened, we had to sort of put something in. Are you serious? I thought we didn't have to do that. No, well, I did, because I couldn't think of it like a tagline at that time. That used to be your Facebook thing. There used to be things on Facebook where you just had, like, a continuous, like, comment. That's what I'm saying. That used to be yours. Anyway. Oh, really? Yeah, well, it was important. So important. Mine would probably be to... Um... Prepare, get ready. 2023 March, it's coming. All right. Next question is from Daniel Harrison. Question for the podcast. It's my granddad's funeral next week. Hopefully this comes up before it. He goes, he was always a bit of a prankster. He asked me to pull a prank at his funeral on his behalf. I'm struggling to think of something to do. Can you give me an idea? I can hump him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, get on it. Get on it on him with a toly in your fist. Can't... Humping his leg. I reckon some of my cousins would piss much themselves that I did that at my grandfather's funeral. Oh. If they'd get that. You can hump him. Doing shits is always a good one. And never gets old. Just doing shit somewhere. Yeah, would you want pranks to happen at your funeral? You could stab... Sounds like he's asking for it. Yeah, he wants it. Yeah, but I was like, what about your own? I would love that. I would love for someone to sink a knife into my chest. And then my corpse is spring loaded. So I sit up as it happens and my eyes are really wide open. And a pre-recorded... And a pre-recorded really high-pitched singing comes out. That's what I want. I would probably... I'd laugh. Spring-loaded corpse. I would laugh if I saw that. That sings once stabbed. Anyway, there's a few options there. Take what you will. Alright, next question is from... Not that one. You didn't like that one. It was about your mother. Janet. Your mother, Janet. Janice. Next question is from Dean Moore. After seeing fans at the Champions League final get tear gas, would you do a video based on riot control? That's not bad. And I thought that was excellent. Dude, we should do a video. Which riot gear is the most dangerous? What's going to be relevant? Or which, you know, riot defensive mechanism is like, you know, is it a shield? Is it tear gas? Is it a hose? Like a high power? I feel it, yeah. And then people will need it. Yeah. And then they need to know how to defend it so they can get through the, you know, the government. Alright, look, I'll write it down. Alright. There you go, Dean. Next question is from Dylan B. Martin, what's some weird German food that you enjoy? Praise the motherland. Gahuttersfleisch. It's minced. The Germans eat a lot of raw meat. Is that a real thing? You can't have gahuttersfleisch. Gahuttersfleisch. Is it real? Gahuttersfleisch. It means minced meat. Gahuttersfleisch. It means minced meat. Gahuttersfleisch. And the meat in Germany is so good quality, right, that you, for breakfast, you sit down and there's a slab of raw mints in the middle of the table. You shut your mouth. And you get a shitload of mustard and a bit of rye bread and you carve a bit off and slap it on and on and on. You put the mustard on and you're down and down and then you have raw meat. By 9 a.m. you can't. Could you do that? Yeah, that's what happens all the time. It's fucking delicious. You did that in the morning sometimes. I ate large amounts of raw meat. Raw? Gahuttersfleisch. Gahuttersfleisch. Minced meat. Gahuttersfleisch. Gahuttersfleisch. How do you say, Matt? Gahuttersfleisch. Fleisch. Fleisch. Gahuttersfleisch. Oh, my God. See, it's like a weed cult. How do you say Matt's mints in German? Matthias Gahutters. What? Matthias Gahuttersfleisch. Your name and then Gahuttersfleisch? I mean, it's Matt's mints. Oh, wow. It sounds like Martin. Yeah. Matthias. Martin und Matthias. Michael. Michael, Martin, Matthias. Gahuttersfleisch. Gahuttersfleisch. And then you'd have, like, you'd have, there'd be Wurst, Blutwurst. It's this, like, sausage thing made out of blood. Shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. We were peasants. We were nothing. We had nothing. We were scum. Holy shit. And, yes, there's all sorts of different Wursts. There's liver, cream, Leberwurst. You smear on some rye bread. Oh, I have both of that. Junked. Is that your dad? Shunked. Shunked loved his Gahuttersfleisch. Shunked in his Gahuttersfleisch. Shunked to Gabe. Shunked to Gahuttersfleisch. You and your dad eating Gahuttersfleisch together. My father's a Gahuttersfleisch. You and your shunked. Shunked. Anyway, that's what we ate. Fuck. All right, two questions left. Oh, God. Awful lots of, like, liver and... Would you like a question or a fuck Mary kill? Oh, you decide, Brown. All right, question for the podcast from Donut Films. No, I don't have films. Strikes again. He said, I got this wrong, Mary have kill. Mary have kill Jackson Julian Bosley. I know this one. The easy. Fuck, that's tricky. I don't think it is. Look at their human lives, you know, it's like... I'd have to probably marry Julian. Kill Bosley and fuck Jackson. That's not what I expected you to say. Very good. You and Julian married would be... I know it'd be so funny. Uncomprehensible. I would... That's quite a difficult decision. I'd fuck. Then marry. Then kill. All three. All three of them. Very good. And that took a lot of thought. Don't discredit that. It's even for everyone. I'd do it for all three. There's such a process. Three things with every person. You've got to marry them, fuck them, and then you've got to murder them. All three times. I guess I could murder first, maybe. That makes things easy. Less legwork. No! Okay. Fucking pants. Shunked! Shunked. His father's name is shunked. Shunked. Wow. God, that's flash. And the final question. Come from Zach Jinet. Jinet? Shit. Jinet. We see a lot of our a lot of friends of the podcast and your website repeat a lot of the phrases you say. So his question is, do you guys love or hate when the audience repeats your phrases such as clang clang and thai lai? Fucking love it. You've got to spread the word. It's fucking hilarious that the dumb shit that we say is people catching it and it's like spreading. It's like we're just fucking hilarious. Continue to do it. Change the world together. One cling clang clang at a time. One flai lai lai lai. My flai lai clululua. Jake and Dickerson like nailed I'm sorry about that in our lives with us. Sorry? Did he come on the live? He went in and woke up his housemate. What did he do to her? Or hissed at her. After that, times the perfect sorry about that. So good dude. I see comments like sometimes we get a hater every now and then and a fan will just reply sorry. Yeah. I have seen that. It made me so puffed up. It's very funny. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. I like the giggles I get from it. But yeah, I guess you're proud of it. It's a cool hundred percent. It's a nice little dictionary we've come up with. New language. Wow. I was hoping it'd be. And now it's time for the PO unboxing segment. This is a segment where we open the boxes and the shit that fans send us to our PO box. OK, we get sent all sorts of fucked shit. You never know what is going to be in one of these. All right, let me tell you. We get sent some fucked crazy shit. PO box. 256. 401. Anything. Literally anything we open alive on the podcast. This one's fragile. It's a very heavy box. We're pretty excited. I have a feeling I know who sent this one. Is it dangerous or could you reckon? It could be dangerous, but not dangerous to open. It says poured a passion by Amber. I can't read that word. Matt, you are so wrong. What do we have here? What is this? This is for our birds. And look at cock candle. Someone did send me a message to explain whose candles are whose. Let's hear about it, bro. We haven't got it. Let's just give these guys a shout out. One's for each of you, girlfriends. One's for me. I think you guys get this beer. This is from poured a passion. Pored. P-O-U-R-E-D. If you want to follow them on Instagram, they do fucking cool candles. I can already smell them. So I reckon they're pretty bloody good. It's P-O-U-R-E-D-A P-A-W-S I-O-N-X poured a passion X on Instagram. Don't have a look and say thank you from the fucking fully actual army. Yeah, the dick smells good. Everything smells good. Do you have that message? I do. I do have the message. I'll go through and I'll find out who it is. Oh, man. Smell that, dude. Fuck, that makes me so hungry. Oh, that is just pure vanilla. And that is insane. Smell that. No, you smell that. You smell that. Oh, yeah, watermelon. Oh, that's fucking hot. Oh, what is that? I'm making me so hungry, dude. Strawberry. Oh, fuck off. I just want this on my fucking nose forever. Oh, yeah. Oh, this yellow one's so good. Oh, man. I want to eat some. Yeah, eat it. I think eat it. Have a bite. Let's just see what it tastes like. Just a smaller bite than that if you want. Okay. It's a little nibble. Let's see if there is any flavour in there. Memory candles are quite poisonous. No. Yeah, I just said that to a freaking man. You can suck on it. It burns your tongue a bit. So, there's flavour. Oh, it's in your teeth. Is it sugar? Not really. I reckon, like, if we were alone, I would still love to eat the whole thing. There you have it, guys. They smell so good that if Micah was alone, he'd eat them. Poor person, baby. Yeah, I'll find that message and I'll know who's... All right, let's see what Matt Brown's hater has written him this week. Do you want the other big box, too? Yeah, fucking fuck it, man. Let's open the other big box. It's always fun opening gifts. Fucking hell, I didn't see that. Oh, yeah. How did that get through the mail? Surely someone's seen that. He's put a swastika on the letter. Crackly. Man, that soap is burning my mouth. Hey, don't eat the soap, everyone. Don't eat the soap. It's not soap, man. It's candle. Maybe have a drink or flee. I thought it was soap. It's candle. Oh, shit, I gotta be careful with these notes, don't I? I'm gonna be candle with those notes. I could have come on. It's actually dear you guys, but I'll still read it. All right, dear Marty and Micah, inform Matt Brown, I, the hater, he refers to me I just want to let him know that my dad never left me. But Matt doesn't know I fuck around with your letters when I've written in as some name I can't pronounce for the life of me. My dad never left me, but that's all. Matt has something to say because he's retarded. I will also be writing another letter. On the back he has the war letter. To the boy. To the bald fat cunt. Oh my God. So watch out, Matt. Your fat bald twisting testicle head cunt. Love from your retarded autistic parents. Did your parents write that? No, it's from there. My parents write that. Yeah, dude, you're never gonna hide the fact that your dad left me. I think, hater, next time send through your phone number I think maybe we should organize a fight between you and Matt. No. Don't put the violence out there. It's good banter between us. What if it is your actual parents? It's not my parents. All right, look, I've just opened this big box. There's a letter and it says Read Me Slut. To my dearest Marty, Michael Bachelor extraordinaire. Kyle here, a.k.a. pub daddy. I am on your table. Yes, the pubic hair guy. Previously you asked for a pubic hair. I sent it. Then you asked for more things and here they are. Oh no. Anyhow, Marty, keep up the good shit and please keep Mr. Fine and his sick wife stories alive. I enjoy him very much. Michael, Google Encephalitis lethargy or find a podcast. Very interesting shit. And I think you'll find it fascinating. I know I did. Mr. Brown, he's right behind you. He's standing right behind you. Keep up the search for love, my friend. Just remember when life gives you lemons just say fuck the lemons and bail. Live by this and you will live your life at the most conscious livable here. I'm going now. Enjoy also. Sorry, Michael. I would not obtain a beaker or Bunsen burner as I have no fucking idea why then. So I got you something just as cool. Enjoy. Also, if you want to send me something cool, do it. We can swap shit and yeah, we all get stuff. Cool. Bye now. I love from pub daddy. Thank you very much, pub daddy. I'm officially fucking nervous to open these. Just be careful. Everything is exciting. There's something on there already. There's one package here with Marty written on it. I don't know what I asked for. I've forgotten. This is part of a Kinder surprise toy. No. Oh, it's a Lego man hat. All right, we got Matt's here. Matt's got that. Michael, this is yours. Michael, you got a proper chemistry set. Make your own avalanche. You know how he wants us to send shit back? Like actual shit. Yeah, he wants to like trade shit. He said like just so we can sort of get stuff. We could start. I reckon let's send him this back. Oh, wow. Look at this. Let's look at some stage in previous podcast. We must have asked for these things. A rocket launcher and I've got underwear here. Like new good underwear. Hopefully there's nothing in them. Oh, Michael, what have you got? I got a chemistry set, which is okay. But I prefer the Bunsen burner. Do you want the avalanche? That's got an avalanche mountain. What does that mean? I don't know. And I got something else. Actually, this has got a beaker in it. See, we can use that for science shit. We'll put that in the lab for sure, you dog. Send me some cards. Oh, NBA. No, he sent me MBL. No. You can start your MBL collection now. Still, that's fucking cool shit. Thank you very much. There's more in here. There's more. Fucking pub daddy. Thank you very much. What do you got there, Matt? Condom or something? What is it? Oh, is that a condom? No. What is it? There's a look. Hang on. There's parts to this. Would you eat it? No. Maybe. What's the famous motorbike stuntman? Travis Houdini. I reckon Jeff, his name was. Blight Flondard. Houdini. Evil Knievel. Evil Knievel. It looks like an Evil Knievel lego man. Fish. But he looks like he's wrapped in skin. You tell me because that looks like fucking skin to me. Yeah, I guess it does go and look like skin. It can't be trusted. Oh, yeah. Well, I know that is skin. He's gotten some burnt and just wrapped it around. So the pub daddy has. I think it's skin pub daddy. Correct us if we're mistaken here. Lego man wrapped in skin. Yeah. Hold on nice close to the camera so that people at home can see what the hell that is all about. And comment what you think it is everybody. Have you ever seen anything like that before? Comment and see what you think it is everybody. He's got MBL cards from 1994. How did I know that? That's crazy. All right. Thank you so much. Everyone sending shit in the PO box. We just got sent skin and gifts. A fucking. It's probably not much fun to watch, but I love getting gifts. Don't touch them. They're mine. They are fucking my underwears. Dude, these are like 30 years old. I need new underwears. Unopened pack of 30 years old. That's crazy. Open them now. Can I have the avalanche? Yeah, let's see what this is all about. It looks like you build it. I don't know what that is. Maybe I'll get an Andrew Gay's signature card. And that is the PO boxes segment. Everybody put your hands together. Very good. I was nervous then. Yeah. I'm gonna put it on there too. Trouble against a character, okay? Oh yes. Trouble prank card. You put your phone down. How can I help you? Yeah, no worries. I'm just looking for a particular guest. Would you be able to tell me? I'm just searching for someone that I know. If a grant fly is staying at your hotel. You can tell me that. The name is spelled F-L-E-I-N. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Fly. I'm sorry, so I can't give you the information on that. Do you know who my grant is? Is that why you're not telling me? Has Grant spoken to you at all? Or not yet? Not yet. I kind of know for certain. He's at the hotel, actually. He's told me and sent me pictures of him at the hotel. So I'm assuming he's gone to reception and asked you not to say anything to me. Is that correct? No, no, it's not on that. Come on now. No, no, it's with the hotel policy. So you're telling me basically that you would definitely tell me if Grant's flying was staying at the Marathon? No, so we can't see the information on that. Right, right, right. So you're saying that you can't tell me at all? And that you won't tell me? It's just that we can't... Can you sort of see how that's quite frustrating? Can you sort of see how that's quite frustrating for me? Yeah, I'm sort of just trying to find where this person is and you're not giving me any help! I can't help you so and that. Listen to this! How about I come in, okay? I'll come in, okay? I'll check every room, right? And we can both see if Grant's flying is staying at the Marathon. And we can both see if Grant's flying is staying there. How's that? I can't help you on that. Look here! Is that okay if I come in then? Is that quite all right if I catch an Uber in? No, you can do that or still we can't provide you any information on that. Okay, look, you're being quite rude to me now. Quite frankly, you're being quite rude. Okay, and I'm not having any of that. Is there someone in a higher position of authority than I can speak to? I can hand over to my manager if anything needs to be done. That would be lovely, thank you. Supporting it. Small business, yeah. No, I'm looking for Mr. Flying, yeah. I'm certain he's there. Yeah, supporting lots of small businesses basically. Keeping the economy going. Local, source things local. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's exactly right. Yeah, no, it's great. How can I help? Look, I was just speaking to one of your employees and I'm just trying to find out, okay, I'm trying to find out if one of the guests staying at the Mariton is the man that I know. I know someone is at the Mariton and your staff is refusing to tell me what room he's in even though the man has specifically asked me to come to the hotel to his room. Okay, yeah, so do you want to tell what the guest is? Yeah, yeah, look, I'd just like to know where the guest Grant Flying is staying, in which room? Yeah, so what was his last name? Flying. Grant Flying. F-L-E-I-N, Flying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so yeah. Just trying to sort of support small business and yeah. Yeah, I'm not having anything come up registered under that name, I'm sorry. That's funny that you're saying that because I've actually seen photos of Grant, right, he has sent me photos directly of him at the Mariton. Okay, sir, thanks for shouting at me, but we don't need that. Excuse me, I am not a sir, okay. We lost the hook, we lost the hook. But that was very, very entertaining. Holy fucking shit. I'm not a sir. Oh, that was a woman. Yeah, Margaret is a woman. But very nice how you sort of took it to the next level. It's hard to re... I think about that prank call with that restaurant that we called, you know, the screaming one. And it's really hard to recreate that type of like the, from normal to screaming. Oh, is it hard to progress into that? Yeah, yeah. It would take a lot of energy. Yeah, yeah, I'll have to do more Margaret. You know what I just realised? The... Hotels must deal with the most fucked people to prostitutes. Yeah, just to... Oh, can we go all the way through? If you have any prank call suggestions, please comment them underneath, right? Who knows? We might even do your ID. Yeah, you should have it. Anyway, that's the end of episode 16. Four more episodes. Thanks for watching. See you next time.