 Hello, psych to go viewers. Welcome to our first ever holiday hangout. I'm so excited. This is the perfect opportunity for anyone who is holiday fatigued, tired of all the stress. I'm here with the amazing Dr. Rijon. You know, she is a licensed psychologist. She has her own practice in Beverly Hills. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself, Dr. Rijon? We're so excited to have you here. Yeah, it's my pleasure to be here. I'm excited to be with you all. I'm a clinical psychologist and a relationship coach. I also do life coaching and I've been working with clients now for almost 25 years. So it's been a long time and I loved what I love what I do. I get to help people understand themselves a little bit better in terms of how we work emotionally and mentally. And I get to help people feel better and heal and live their best lives. So I'm all about it. And I know that Christmas is a tough holidays can be tough. So I'm happy to be here. Thank you so much. And like, how are you feeling during this holiday season? Has it been a lot? Has it been stressful or has it been just like a little more chill, calm? I've actually had a lot going on. There's just been a lot of family stuff happening and a lot of, you know, I think for me, it's also just schedules change like a lot because everybody's going out of town and, you know, everybody's kind of, you know, needing new session times or more session times because people start to feel kind of blue or, you know, kind of feel anxious about the holidays. So it's always a little hectic for me, but I love this time of year. Yeah, me too. And I was going to say, so this we're approaching Christmas, we're approaching Christmas Eve, or Christmas Eve and Christmas kind of like two separate holidays, would you say? Because like people celebrate on both days? Yeah, I think it depends. I've noticed that sometimes like culturally it's a little different. Like some people will open gifts on Christmas Eve and sometimes people, Christmas Day is a big deal. Yeah, I think it depends though. And then there are some people who are celebrating Hanukkah this time. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I was going to say, Hanukkah and then there's New Year's and there's so many other holidays. And so it can be really strong. These are like the big ones, right? Exactly. There's usually a lot of pressure around, you know, people that we haven't seen for a while, maybe how we look to our relatives who haven't seen us for a while. Maybe it's like, oh my gosh, someone's going to make comment about my weight or someone's going to say this or that. And also just, you know, I think, you know, wanting the dinners and everything to go well. And sometimes I even, you know, a lot of clients clients get reflective at this time of year and they think about, you know, what have I done this year? Have I really achieved what I wanted to achieve this year? You know, so there's that kind of anxiety too, because people start to reflect, you know? No, I definitely think that people will reflect and I think that sometimes it brings out the best in people and sometimes it brings out the worst because they don't see the spiritual aspect of it. They seem more of like the vein sort of superficial aspect of it. Like I have to have the best gifts and the best outfit in that and this and that. It's just ridiculous, right? And I want, yeah, go ahead. Oh, no, I see already somebody sent April saying she hates this time of year. I'm sorry, April. I was going to bring that up. April, why do you hate this time of year? I mean, I get it, but I want you to like talk to us because this is our hangout. Why do you hate this time of year? Let us know in the comments. Who else hates this time of year? I don't hate it. I don't hate it, but it can be difficult. It can be like, I want alone time, but it almost feels like you're forced to spend time with people. And sometimes when anytime you're forced to do anything, I don't know. I think it's kind of upsetting. What I always tell people, and this is something I encourage all my clients to do is I encourage people to make the holidays yours. And I do that through, you can do that through ritual. You can do that through little things like for example, I love doing little gratitude tree, you know, like for Thanksgiving. So like people like all the Christmas stuff is out at that Thanksgiving time, or you don't even really need even a tree. If you hang like you can get like coat hangers or something to make a little mobile and start, you know, make little, little tags that you can hook on there for things that you're grateful for. So that you're celebrating Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year's in a way that's meaningful for you. And, you know, so maybe doing something special for yourself, before you see your family, so that you can really kind of take in the time of year and, and ask yourself, okay, what does this time mean for me? What is it that I'd like to, to think about, reflect on, you know. Yeah, definitely. I agree with that gratitude. And I was going to say, Helen, you love Christmas. Why can you tell us in the comments like what's the, what do you love the most about Christmas. And Ariel also said, yes, I feel the pressure. Let me see. She said, I feel pressure to be happy and festive when I feel like I need a long time. Yes, I think that's the biggest problem. Like, life goes on. It's not just like the holidays for most people, but we have to almost like, like, oh, where's the Christmas spirit and that can be a lot of pressure to people. I feel my mom, if I'm in a bad mood, she'll say that to me like, where's your, where's your spirit. I don't have any. Be authentic. You know, no matter who says what, remember that you have more power than you think you do. You only don't, you only feel powerless when you give it away. So sometimes we put so much attention and focus on what other people are saying, or on what expectations might be. If you take a breath and take a step back and go, wait a minute, I'm going to be me right now. And how do I feel, you know, what do I need? Right? Yeah, I wanted to bring this up. Thank you, James, for bringing it up. He said it's stressful for me because I work retail. James, I used to work retail. You guys are amazing. It's so difficult this time of year for people in the customer service industry because I know that sometimes they might get treated poorly or they have to work the holidays and we appreciate you so much and you deserve those holiday bonuses. If you get them, you deserve them. You should get them. And yeah, we need to acknowledge that more because I know people who think, oh, people in the service industry, they should work on Christmas. That's ridiculous. No, no, I agree, James. I'm so sorry. It's a bummer when you have to work on a holiday, but you guys are amazing. And if you, you know, it's not easy to be under pressure when everybody else is kind of on vacation or you feel like you should have time off. But take little breaks for yourself and, you know, do try to build in time for yourself so that you don't feel like, oh my gosh, here's the holiday and it's all about everybody else. You know, self-care is important during this time. And then Gail mentioned, I'm wondering what you guys are celebrating spending money you don't have so people will like you. Dr. Rizwan, what's your take on that? How do you feel about the consumerism aspect of Christmas because it is a lot of spending? Yeah, I don't like the consumerism piece. I think, and this is why I really like, I like ritual. I like the idea of ritual because Christmas is not about how expensive a gift, you know, who got the most expensive gift or who's buying the most expensive gift. Christmas to me and any holiday where you have an opportunity to spend time with people is about sharing your heart and about really kind of being able to appreciate time with others. And to me, you know, I think the more personal, sentimental things are cards and, I mean, people who bake and spend time, spend quality time giving of themselves, right? Definitely. It's too bad. I feel like it's such a weirdly stressful time in stores like you just barely have enjoyed Halloween and all of a sudden they have all the Thanksgiving, you know, decorations up and then all of a sudden it's Christmas and all of that. So, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I agree. And so I wanted to start with like questions. Dr. Rizwan, if you're okay with that, I wanted to start the hangout with some questions. So, Princess Emile asked, and I think this is a great question because for a lot of people, like I mentioned earlier, there's a lot of pressure on the holidays. She asked Dr. Rizwan, my question is what advice do you have for panic attacks? And before everyone, before you answer that, what is everyone drinking? Tell me in the comments. I'm drinking coffee with vanilla cream. What are you drinking, Dr. Rizwan? Water. A healthy queen. We love it. Well, I talk all day long, so, you know, I have some water. You know, that's a great question about panic attacks. When all the anxiety builds up and builds up, we start to spin and we can start to feel it in our bodies. So we'll start to get the sweaty palms and maybe the tightness in the chest and difficulty breathing. What's really, really powerful two things I can share with your viewers. One is to be able to do a grounding exercise. And grounding exercises are super easy. They take you a few seconds and you can start to feel better. When you have a panic attack, essentially your mind and body are split. Your body is holding so much and your mind hasn't processed. It's spinning. Right. So then your body carries the overflow and all of a sudden you start to feel all of your anxiety and panic in your body. So what do we need to do? We need to ground. We need to pull ourselves out of our heads and connect with our bodies. So a grounding exercise that I like that's very easy that you can even do in a room full of people is, you know, when you look around the room, tell yourself, okay, I'm going to count blue things and start counting blue things. Or I'm going to count round things, start counting round things. Why does that help? It helps because you're engaging your senses in an activity and you're refocusing. So you're giving a pathway for your senses to connect in a different way, which means that you're engaging with your body. If you're engaging in that way, you can't be at the same level of panic. Your, your respiration will slow down, you'll start to calm and things will start to shift. That's one thing you can do is a grounding exercise. Another thing you can do is deep breathing and visualization. A good one that I like is a three, one, three breathing cycle where you inhale for a count of three, you hold for a count of one and you exhale for a count of three. While you do this, you visualize, you know, let's say that your anxiety, what color would you give your anxiety? What texture would it be? Maybe my anxiety looks like yellow little fists that are inside. They're in my chest or that are in my shoulders or in my neck. When I inhale, I'm going to inhale white light or blue light, something that's very calming and healing. And I'm going to imagine that light breaking up all of those yellow fists so they break them apart, break them apart. When I hold my breath, I'm going to imagine that all of that broken up yellow stuff is turning into black smoke. And I'm breathing it out when I, when I exhale for three. Immediately, if you do two or three breathing cycles like that, you, you will start to calm down and you'll notice that you'll start to have some tightness release and things will start to get better. But whenever we join mind and body, we are that much more powerful and bringing balance back emotionally and mentally. Amazing. I agree with that. I love what you said about visualizing it. Like how does it look right now? I'm not super stressed. I feel like it looks like a peachy pink. That's how I feel inside. But sometimes I love that. I love that. So CJ studios asked Dr. Jean, why do I feel so hurt and sad all the time? I feel like everyone looks down on me and I'm only a kid. CJ, I just want to say I always felt like that as a teenager and I did not like the holidays as a teenager. I always felt like it was a chore and that people were judging me or that I had to act a certain way and I felt overlooked. So I totally feel you on that. It can be hard for teenagers, but go ahead, Dr. Jean. Yeah, I'm so sorry, CJ, that you feel that way. You know, oftentimes when we are not given space to be ourselves, we can start to feel sad. I mean, anxiety is one response. Sadness is another where we can start to feel sad. We can start to feel invisible like nobody really sees us for who we are. And I think that again, when you start feeling that way, I think it's important for us to be able to affirm for ourselves, tell ourselves what's really true. Is that really, really true? Because usually what we do is we get into a space, we get into just however we feel and the feeling gets bigger and bigger and bigger. We don't ever question it. We don't ever give ourselves a little bit of space to think about it. But CJ, I'd be willing to bet that you're really special and that you are important to your family. You are important to any gathering this holiday. And I hope you can remind yourself of that. And I'm sorry that you felt overlooked and unimportant, but you're important to us and we're happy that you showed up today. All of our viewers are important to us. And we're going to just going to be a thing that we do like very often because we want, you know, our viewers to feel loved and feel heard. And this is a space to feel heard and to have a voice and to meet new people like you guys can totally talk amongst yourselves as well. And so another question I have here is by, it's not a question, it's just a comment, but I really love it by Maria. She said, I lost my mother a month ago, but I keep celebrating Christmas because she loved it. I do too. It's my way to honor her. And Dr. Jean, you talked about this during our last stream that like when it comes to love ones who passed away, sometimes the holidays can be a great opportunity to honor them. And so Maria, that's amazing. That's beautiful, Maria. I love that. And I'm so, so sorry for your loss. That's such a fresh loss. And, and I hope that you're you have the support that you need. I hope that you have the, you take the time that you need for yourself, you know, if you need time and some space. But I think it's beautiful that you're honoring your mother's wishes in a way, you know, you're remembering who she was and, and I am sure that where we put our hearts are our past on loved ones come are with us, you know, where we put our hearts and our energy, I believe that those who have passed on, see that and know that and are with us. So that's beautiful. And Dr. Jean, this is a really sweet question Rain asked Dr. Jean, how do you celebrate Chris? How did you celebrate Christmas when you were younger? It's up on the screen. That's so sweet for you to ask. Yeah, that is sweet. You know, it's funny. I, I, my family is from South India. So I was the first like kid in my family that was born in this country. Oh, wow, your first generation also cool. Yeah. Well, so our, our tradition we don't obviously we don't celebrate Christmas but then, you know, when I was a kid I had to kind of like, I had two cultures, right, because they taught me how to read, write and speak Tamil, which is our language. And we had our customs and our food and all the things that we would do in our home, but my parents also wanted they knew that I'm an American also so they wanted to hold that space for for who I am as an American. So we started to celebrate Christmas. I think for little kids, of course, you see everybody else has toys. I want toys too, even if you don't know what it means. But for us, I think Christmas has just always been about a time where we get to spend time together as a family doing the things that we love. Like we play cards and we'll eat pizza and we'll watch basketball and we'll, you know, we'll do all of the movies and all that kind of stuff and just, and have fun as a family. And then of course we've had, you know, trees some years and we exchange gifts and things like that so kind of a bicultural though sometimes we don't do much and we just kind of do our Indian thing you know what our family is used to but some days we've some years we feel like really decorating and celebrating so we'll do that. That's amazing and I just wanted to ask did you're I don't know if you mentioned this but did your family cook like from scratch or like did you guys buy food because I had a comment on that. Oh yeah no we my mom's a great cook and my I was lucky enough to have my grandparents live with us to for a while so I got I got to learn how to cook and you know nothing like home cooked south Indian food you know it's really really cool so yeah. And it helps you bond and that's that's amazing because that's something I felt like I was missing in my in my childhood because I love my parents they're great but they felt like the best thing they could do was save up money and buy us food during the holidays and I think it would have been great if we would have cooked together or cooked out all like a home cooked meal my mom's never been the one to love cooking and that's okay but I think that that's important honestly to do something together can't just be about gifts and buying food like you should do something together. Well that's it that's the quality time right I mean that's what I think that the you know commercially it doesn't really mean much I mean it got you know I know I know families that did they just write checks to their kids and that's Christmas. But I mean you create memories when you bake cookies or when you you know when you watch a movie together or when you have a you know kind of play cards or whatever you create memories and to me that's what creates a bond. And that's what makes the holidays something special rather than something intimidating something competitive. Right. Yes. Karla I'm from SoCal. Orange County. Sorry Dr. Rizan right. Yeah I live in Anaheim. I'm actually from Anaheim. So. With the land. Well we live we live in Orange County but I'm based in Beverly Hills and I'm also I've got my I'm in my home office now so yeah. Amazing. And then I was gonna put this one up. Let's see. So. I wanted to bring up this kind of SBC productions but I want to have Christmas spirit but I just don't I feel that I think we can all feel that sometimes it just doesn't feel right. And you know what don't force it. That's what I would tell you is there is nothing you know there's nothing more important than being yourself and and being more comfortable being yourself. If we really think about what anxiety is if we really think about what depression is what is it it's it's for whatever reason you're not able to tolerate being present. You can't it's too much. You're stuck somewhere else. Right. So, to me, you know, trying to not be anxious trying to not be depressed. You're going to create more of it. Right. Because the thing is, we create change when we can accept the way things are, you know. And I think that that if you're not feeling the Christmas spirit that's okay. You know you're not richer. Yeah, you're not feeling it and and that means that you can do little things if you want to feel the Christmas spirit. I think because I think I believe that's what that with that comment said also do little things like, you know, involve your senses go walk in the mall and maybe not the mall it's going to be too private but but go like if you you know down down a main street like if you live in, for example, one of the things I love to do is I like to go to the orange circle. And they have such beautiful Christmas decorations up. I love the smell of, you know, lots like pumpkin latte or getting into the smells of Christmas the, the, the, you know, going and seeing the decorations and that kind of thing. If that's something you really want to be more present to that's what I would do because I think, you know, and be real about where you are, don't try to pretend, you know, because you get to feel how you feel. Absolutely. I think something that can help people to is maybe looking at something that they feel like they can do to help people what inspires you to help others why not do that during the holidays maybe buy a family who's struggling some food or, you know, donate to a charity give you know choice to children who don't have any which I mean, I think that can really make a difference is maybe not thinking so much about just yourself and thinking about maybe others. Absolutely. I think that can help and I could also make you create new friendships relationships. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, you can you can go. You cannot even like a lot I know a lot of animal rescues are looking for volunteers at this time of year, because you know there are a lot of puppies and cats that need attention and go and play with little animals that don't have a home yet. There's so much so many ways to spread love so many ways to spread gratitude and as you do, then you start your heart starts to feel bigger, you know, and you start to feel lighter. Definitely. I'm Latoya McGee just made a comment I'm sad every day. I'm 42 been like this all my life I was the one always getting mistreated. I'm sorry Latoya that breaks my heart especially during this time of the season. Do you have any advice for her Dr. No Latoya I'm so sorry to hear that I mean I think, you know, every, every soul on this planet is is unique and beautiful and valuable. And I think, you know Latoya if you've been feeling that sad every day. I would recommend, you know, if you haven't been into therapy I would, I would maybe go into therapy because it sounds to me like if you're carrying a lot of a lot of stuff from the past, then you might need help processing that and letting that go because you're young you have your there's so many things that you can look forward to but we can't really clearly see what's in front of us if, if we're still looking through the lens of the past we can't do that. And so we have to learn how to grieve losses we need to learn how to grieve, you know, and move through things like abuse, so that we can actually lighten, lighten our load and move forward to the things that we really deserve in life. You know, so Latoya if you are interested in therapy, I would love to talk to you. I'll give my contact information I think at the end. It's in the description. Yeah. Okay. The unconscious mind.com. And that goes for anybody who's listening who feels like they could use some extra support. We'd be happy to see you in my practice so. Before we continue the questions I have an exercise for everyone in the comments tell us what is one thing you'd really want for Christmas like if you had one wish just tell us what you'd want and we can talk about it. Okay, but anyways, SBC productions ask it's hard having autism sometimes I do things. And then I realize it's weird and start feeling like I'm being secretly judge I love this because a lot of people who are neurotypical I think that during the holidays it's very like you have to act a certain way and you have to be a certain way and if you don't people aren't going to be nice about it even though it's the holidays they might judge you or say something rude and so I love this question or this comment because I think that it's interest it's important to acknowledge that neurotypical people might not have the best feelings going into the holiday sometimes in some cases what do you think about that doctor. I know and it's hard it's a tough one I mean the first thing I'll say first of all is that it, you know, it's, I think it's brave and it takes a lot of courage to be yourself when you're when you're neurodivergent and I think that that's exactly what you I think that that we get so caught up in social cues and social expectations and in all of the pressures of how we should be. But remember if you want to change how you are, then the first step towards that is acceptance, but it sounds to me like it's, you know, maybe you're in environments where people are not so accepting. And if that's the case, then, you know, I think that it's probably good for you to, you know, elect to spend time doing things that make you comfortable. If you have to be at a gathering perhaps that you don't want to be at. Is there a person who you feel more comfortable with who you might be able to sit next to and be with during that gathering that's one practical way to deal with uncomfortableness or deal with uncomfortableness when we're in group settings like that. You know, and the thing is there is no normal. That's the other thing I'll say normal is a misnomer. We're all on some somewhere on that spectrum, right. I mean it's it's, it's a spectrum autism spectrum so all of us, you know, have have our own, you know, idiosyncrasies because that's just what it is to be human. But I do understand that feeling of being secretly judged and, you know what, I will also say this, most people are self absorbed, quite honestly. Yep. And so sometimes we can feel the pain of our own judgment more acutely. And we then assume that it's coming from someone else that's the other thing that could be true is because most people are feeling awkward. Most people are worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. Most people are really wrapped up in their in themselves. So that's the other thing I'll say is that if you feel, you know, is that voice of judgment yours or if is it coming from someone else. And maybe that's the other piece to look at is, you know, maybe I can, I can accept myself forgive myself for being different and maybe I can give myself a break and let this go to Yes, I agree with that for sure. And then someone asked, or sorry, let me see this comment. Can you read it? Dr. Rajan, do you see it? Past holiday depression. Can we talk about past holiday depression or post holiday? Post holiday depression. This is a good one. Yeah. You know, I think the holidays and long distance relationships and anything where we don't have any kind of continuity can have a Disneyland effect. That's what I call it. Where everything is so incredibly great and fantastic. You know, my gosh, presents and I know my holidays can be that way. Wow, so and so got me all I got all these gifts. So I got to see someone so they came over. It was so much fun. It was so great. And now I have to go back to work. And now I have to go back to my life. Anytime we have a situation like that. I like to do what I call a soft landing. Which means like for because everybody goes through that we all get kind of the post Christmas blues or the post holidays blues and it's like, oh, gotta go back to work. I will the last, you know, maybe depending on how much time you have off or whatever, whether it's a few days or whether it's two weeks or whether it's three days, whatever. The about a couple of days or maybe three or four days before I have to go back to work. I will do one work thing. And then I'll do, you know, I'll do one thing to organize or I'll do one thing to work or I'll do one thing to clean or something like that where I'm reintroducing my normal activity with into my life again. Towards the tail end of my holiday and then that way when when that first day work comes, it's kind of, it's okay. I've kind of acclimated to it a little bit better. The other thing that you can do that that I think is kind of, you know, can be kind of good is to just have have a little, you know, have a little ritual where you're like, you know, I'm so a little gratitude ritual for the holidays and with what are you grateful for about returning back to work or returning back to life after the holidays because gratitude is something that immediately picks us back up and it immediately puts us into a different flow of energy. So those are two things I would do. And it's fun to look forward to like the new holidays like you're going into winter what's my cute winter look going to be Valentine's Day maybe. Yeah like St. Patty's Day like there's going to be other things you know when the holidays and new things arise immediately after I mean it's all a social construct isn't it. Yeah, absolutely. And part of that too is the commercialism part of the that big let down is that commercialism, because everything is so hyped up in the collective energy. And then all of a sudden when it's gone it's like, you know, it feels like a big let down so, you know, that's that's the other thing to keep in mind is sometimes we're fine, we just have to realize okay you know what everyone's kind of going through this so maybe that's why it's a little bit more intense. I'm sorry go ahead. And just to get perspective. Yeah. And everything goes on sale, like, soon as like the holidays and like January 1 everything's on sale so that's something to look for. All about the sales that's true. I think this one's important because a lot of people during the holidays feel they can't come forward about this because they're, you know, they just have, you know, a way of feeling about this but Dr Rajan she asked how can I help someone who is thinking of self harm. Well, you know, that's such a difficult question. I mean it's such a difficult thing when you have somebody close to you or somebody that you care about thinking of self harm. You know, I think the best thing to do would be to, to, you know, talk to them about getting professional help that is going to be the best thing to do. There's also, you know, I believe it's 211, you can call. It's there's there's suicide hotlines that that also people people who have training to talk about to talk to people who are struggling with self harming behaviors or self harming. Ideation. It's really important to get them to, to see a professional if they can, if they, if they won't, then, you know, I think the thing that also happens with people is they start to feel really stressed out and feel really like a sense of over responsibility. And the truth is, if somebody won't get help, there isn't anything you can do about it. Right. You can be a supportive friend. You can offer to, you know what, how about, how about we check in how about we go out for a cup of coffee or how about, I'll give you a call at the end of the week or, you know, you know, maybe we can text, I think, you know, having having connection with somebody who's in a low place like that is important. But I think, hopefully that connection is about, you know, getting them to start to see that they do need professional help because that's something that would need to be worked out and therapy ultimately. Yes, definitely. Let's see. And I have another exercise for everyone. So let's, let's talk about what is something you're grateful for this holiday season. And yeah, let's start with that in the comments. Let us know what something you're grateful for starting with Dr. is on what is something you're grateful for just one thing. Oh, my season. Yeah. Oh gosh, well, I'm really grateful for my, my, my puppies. I'm grateful for Harley and Lola. I have two senior senior pugs, one of them's Lola 17 and Harley is going to be he just turned 15 actually 15 years old. Oh my God. Lola 17 we've we rescue they're both rescues we got Lola when she was nine. Now she's 17 and then we got Harley when he was 14 and now he's he's going to be he's actually his gotcha day is my birthday in February. So he'll be he'll be 16 pretty soon. Oh, wow, that's amazing. That's a blessing to be able to have pets and for that long because they can be a person's best friend. So yeah, well, they're they're they're the best. I love dogs. I love all animals. I wanted to adopt a kitty. That's something I'm not grateful for because I wasn't allowed to adopt the kitty, but I really wanted one and I might just I have roommates who are allergic. And so it's just it's unfortunate, but it would have been nice. One thing I am grateful for though is this opportunity to be creative on psych to go but especially like with these live from being able to help other people. I'm very grateful for that. I'm grateful for coffee. Yes. Uh huh. I get you there. I to share that gratitude for coffee. We have a viewer listening all the way from the Philippines. That's amazing. Amazing. So glad you're here. Someone put so this one's a really good one. The person's name is Morgan avoid. I'm grateful for having self awareness and my ability to always see the best in others, even if it's to my own detriment. I mean that is a virtue. It's a virtue. And then Ariel said she has a similar one. Dr. I'm grateful for having my pets health and basically. Yeah, exactly. We have someone from Poland. Wow. Welcome. Hey, let's see. And where are you traveling to again, Dr. Jean? So we're leaving. We're going on a vacation to Denmark. So we're going to Denmark on Sunday. Denmark just Denmark are you going to like go to some of the other countries nearby Iceland's near it, right? Probably going to go. Sweden's really close. So we'll take a side trip to Sweden and yeah, I'm excited. Going to go chase the cold, leaving California to go find the cold. No, definitely in the north. Are you going to? Is there northern lights in Denmark or? That's in Norway. But yeah, we're not going to be able to see because that's way up north. But yeah. Oh, Brazil. Wow. Yes, Brazil. We have people from all over the world. This is insane. This is how grateful am I for this? We have someone from Iran. Oh, wow. Iran. Oh, that's amazing. Actually, that's another exercise. Everyone just tell me where you're from. Just go, just do it. Just put it in the chat. Where are you from? So cool. Yeah. Let me ask you a question, Dr. Jean. I'm just going to ask something. Let me see. Okay, we have someone from Canada. We're based in Canada just so you know. It's so cool. Pennsylvania. Cool. Hungary. Yeah. Colorado. Oh, I've always wanted to visit Colorado. Norway. Someone from Norway. Hey, Norway. I'm headed. Well, I hope I have time to go to Norway. We have time to go to Norway, maybe. Australia. Australia. Lovely. Good old USA. It's in Australia right now, right? Yes, Belgium. Turkey. Finland. Finland's in the house. All right. Yeah. Oh, listening from Italy. Wonderful. Wow. That's amazing. Like international audience here. We have a beautiful audience. I feel like I've always said that like I've watched a lot of YouTube and I see like different fan bases, but the Psych2Go fan base just getting to know them. They're so intelligent and empathetic and sweet and supportive. I mean, people in the comments will post a video and someone in the comments might say I'm having a hard day and everyone will rush to that person in the comments to try to uplift them. Like the community here at Psych2Go is so beautiful and it's a community of almost 12 million. We're almost at 12 million guys and we're going to have like a big event when it happens. So it's amazing. Wow. Excited for that. Very cool. So speaking, I don't want to get into a negative territory, but I guess we have to talk about it. Someone asked, I'm dealing with a toxic mother-in-law this year. Should I just avoid her? What do you think Dr. Rizzo? You know, it's tough because again with I think with certain relatives that are difficult, that can be painful, that can say hurtful things. I'm guessing there's probably some not so nice comments maybe that are made or maybe there's some tensions or maybe some expectations that feel like a lot of pressure to perform or do things in a certain way. You know, I believe that with, you know, with relatives that are like that, you need to first of all ground yourself, right? If you're going to be in a space where you're going to see this person, then you have to kind of take some time to affirm for yourself. You know what? Someone says I'm going to be there. This is how she always is. But let me remind myself of what's true. I'm a nice person. I'm this. I'm that. Affirm those things about yourself that this person tends to, you know, maybe set off kilter for you and tends to maybe hurt you in those ways. Frontload yourself. Affirm those things for yourself. And then have certain, you know, like I think boundaries are so important. And sometimes we can have boundaries based in some basic things that we decide. I'm going to, I'm going to say this when I know that she's going to make some sort of comment about what I'm wearing or whatever. I'm going to say, you know what, I feel really good in this outfit. I actually really like it. You know, people, people feel like there's this, you know, when someone says something mean or negative or whatever, we sort of shrink. We can kind of shrink and then all of a sudden we start to feel insecure or start to feel like, oh, maybe there's something wrong with me. But what if, what if we treat it like, oh, that's just another comment that somebody's making but actually how do I feel about it. I kind of like it. I think I feel pretty good actually, you know, being able to respond from a positive place where you're, you're the one who's on your side and pretty soon people let go. People will not make those kinds of comments anymore. If you can't avoid people who are mean or, or, you know, maybe not nice, then that that's certainly something you can do is to maybe say, oh, you know what, I'm actually not kind of a little tired, I'm going to take an app or I'm going to excuse myself to go here or there, just to make sure that you have the space that you need to, you know. Absolutely. That's very important. Like you have to feel comfortable before you can, like, I feel like for it to be fun and healthy, you have to feel comfortable first, if for any event they're going to. Yeah, but if you can remind yourself of, oh yeah, this is so and so, I mean, I know I'm going to see her, this is how she is, and I'm not going to take it personally. If you can affirm those things for yourself before you go, it's almost like you're kind of putting your hands together. So, you're not going to react as much when, when they do say whatever they say or make you feel uncomfortable or whatever. Definitely. Chad Travnik, I just wanted to address this. And I think this is a really good one. He asked, I'm not trying to be rude, but if you can provide captions for all of us, I actually just messaged someone who could help with that. And hopefully for the next one we can add captions and subtitles because we really need to be accommodating. So thank you for bringing that up Chad. That'll be really good. And then, so let's, so an animator asked Dr. Rajan, how can I deal with having six diagnosed mental illnesses on a daily basis? I'm still in school and I'm a content creator. Wow, okay. Well, that's a lot. I mean, that's certainly a lot of diagnoses. I'm assuming then that you are in therapy. And I guess my questions would be, are you in therapy? Do your diagnoses require medication? And, you know, because those are two really important things. If we have gotten to a place where we've seen a mental health professional, we know that we've been diagnosed or, you know, they're saying that, yes, we have a certain diagnosis. We need to be able to treat the issue at the level of brain chemistry. So some diagnoses don't require medication. I think some diagnoses, there's a lot we can really do with mindfulness based therapies to help with anxiety and depression, for example. Also emotionally focused tapping and things like that. But if it is a more serious diagnosis, then it would, it really is important to make sure that you're with a therapist regularly. If you're, if you have medication, you need to consistently take the medication and be working with a psychiatrist as well. And when you do things like that, consistency and doing things the right way are really important. Like going to therapy once a month probably isn't going to help. But if you're going regularly every week, then you're going to start to feel better. You're going to start to have that support. Similarly with medication, people are like, oh yeah, medication. I don't like when it makes me feel this way or that way. If you're on a medication, especially a psychiatric medication, it's important. You have to follow as directed. You have to use as directed and make sure that if you're going to make any changes at all, it comes from your psychiatrist. And you're doing it under the care of your psychiatrist. So those are the things I would say right off the bat. And then making sure that you have time for self care, getting proper rest. If you're, it sounds like you're super busy too with what you were saying, being a content creator, being in school, making sure that you have proper nutrition and rest is also really important. Yes. Thank you, Dr. John Jackson. I'm not ignoring you. Yes, ask whatever you want, please. This is a space you can ask literally anything. But I wanted to just put this comment out, Princess Emile, what she's thinking you Dr. Jean, she said, just wanted to say thanks for being able to talk about mental health. Psych2Goes videos have truly helped me understand mental health and they make me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you, Princess. It's my pleasure, Princess Emile. It's lovely to have you here. It's my pleasure to be here. And you know, I think all of us have issues. All of us do. I mean, me included. You know, nobody's alone in this. Nobody should feel alone in this because as I said earlier in the program, there is no real normal. There's no such thing as normal. We're all variations of a kind and we all have issues to deal with. So, yeah, we need to help each other and we need to talk about it so that we don't feel the stigma, right? Yes, definitely. And then Jackson asked, this is his question or his or her question. How can I talk to people about my mental health? I hate myself and I'm suicidal and I feel like I can't talk to anyone. What do I do? I'm sorry, Jackson, and you are not worthless. You are worth it and you shouldn't hate yourself. But here we are to help Dr. Jean. How can you speak to this? Oh, Jackson, I'm so, so sorry. It sounds like you are really hurting and you're in some pain. You know, if you feel suicidal, then I think, as I said earlier, it's so important to get in touch with a professional. And it's so important, Jackson, to I think you probably would benefit from therapy. You'd benefit from having a regular relationship with the therapist that you can trust. Because it sounds to me like you probably have been through some trauma in life. It sounds to me like maybe you have had to deal with a lot of negativity, perhaps. And this has left you feeling very distorted about yourself. And I will say that you are absolutely valuable. You are so special and valuable and important. And my hope is that you would be able to do these things for yourself so that you can start to build up your self-esteem and confidence from the inside out. And a therapist can help you do that. My contact information is in the box, in the bottom there in the box. So if there's anything I can do to help you or help anyone else who's struggling, please don't hesitate to reach out. And even if I can't see you, then I have a therapist working for me who's taking clients. And we are always, you know, if we can't see you immediately, then we will make sure we get you into, you know, get you the referrals that you need. So in whatever way we can help, we're here to help. And then I have my email here. If you guys wanted to send Dr. Rajan an email, also put it in the description. Or if you guys had any questions about the live streams or any, any recommendations, I'm going to put my email in the chat. So it's also in the description. And let me see if there's more questions. Well, there's always more questions, but let's, this is a really good one. So me ask how to focus on working and later relaxing, I have that one problem where I can't focus on something. So I relax, but then I procrastinate and I end up stressing out in the middle of the night about my future. Oh my God, that's so me. Working and later relax. Okay, so you need boundaries for yourself then is what it sounds like to me. Now, being able to have internal boundaries and sometimes I find that, you know, when we're dealing with work life balance that that there are some some exercises that can be extremely helpful. Particularly cognitive behavioral exercises I think can be helpful to institute those internal and external boundaries. So for example, one of the things that I say to my clients that are really, really driven. And they kind of are bordering that line of being workaholics is, you need to really create a boundary around, okay, what when is my work time, right, within that boundary of work time is let's say that it's an eight hour work day. Within that eight hour work day. How many breaks do I get right what are what are my what are my little breaks in between like do I get maybe a five or 10 minute break hourly do I get a lunch break do I get a bit of a longer break. Instituting those breaks is important, because you your brain needs to have a break, we can get really amped on anxiety and feel really stressed out and think that we have to work or work all the time but if we don't get enough rest. And if we don't have breaks and your brain's not going to function as efficiently as it would otherwise, right, by the same token if we keep pushing things off and pushing things off and pushing this off not getting anything done. And all of a sudden, you'll have a mountain in front of you and then you're not going to feel like you can do anything. Right. So, I think that, you know, one trick that I do is if I really feel like I don't want to do anything. I will, I will say okay I have I'm going to do one thing in the next 15 minutes. So let's say that I have like a ton of emails to get through that I have to answer, you know, to, you know, right back to people. If I have 50 emails to get back to write people back, then I will say okay I'm going to do five emails this hour. You know, I'm going to do other things too. I'm going to take breaks but I'm going to come back and I'm going to do another email now. I'm going to do a little bit, you know, or even if it's if you students out there who have chapters and chapters to read or papers to write. It might sound a little silly but small goals really help to build momentum so I'm going to do I'm going to read this chapter for 10 minutes and then I'm going to take a break. I'm going to do, I'm going to write a paragraph or write a page and then I'm going to take a break, because it's still more work than you were doing before. And this way you're also allowing your brain to get into some kind of rhythm. And you're allowing yourself to, you know, take bites, you know, take manageable bites out of this big thing that you have to work through now. Right. Absolutely. And then Zenforial asks, I never reached out to others about this, but do you guys have any tips for how to deal with hypersensitivity, tony criticism and severe fear of disappointing others and rejection? I would say first is that you probably have to process some traumas or issues that you have that are unresolved that would be my take but go ahead Dr. Yeah, usually when we have something really really when we're super sensitive about something or when we absolutely have no ability to tolerate something. Usually that is tied to some kind of history that that usually means that there is something that has happened historically in our lives or in our relationships that have made us believe a certain way or that have created fear or anxiety around having certain kinds of discussions or having certain kind of information right given to us. So certainly those are things that can be worked out in therapy. I think that with with hypersensitivity to criticism I guess my questions would be, you know, around who are you spending your time with, you know, what what what is the nature of this kind of criticism. And also, you know, what, what is it because usually when we're really really super sensitive to something that someone says, there's a belief that we're holding on to that is triggered, right. So let's say that I feel I'm overweight. And it's something that I'm really self conscious about if somebody says something to me like, oh, that's that's a lot of food are you going to be able to eat all that food or something like that. Immediately, I'll think, Oh, they think I'm fat. Right. Yeah. But what is that really, I mean, is it is it is that exactly what they think may not be at all. It might not be at all. But it attaches to a belief that we already have. And that's why it creates that immediate reaction of like, oh my gosh that hurt my feelings or oh my gosh that's mean or right so so I think that it's going to be important to consider again front load yourself whom I'm going to be hanging out with or is this a critical person do they say these kinds of things. Then what are my boundaries around that you know you can you can be firm and kind you know so you know what I really don't want to talk about that, or I'd prefer not to say, or, you know, that's perfectly fine to do as well. I think that certainly it's going to be the way that we get more resilient and strong in dealing with criticism is to be able to learn how to introspect and look within ourselves and work on those things that are important for us. Because if we're doing that work, then comments really aren't going to matter as much they're not going to, they're going to we're not going to be as tender or as sensitive. I agree. And I wanted to ask your email just to be sure it's at the conscious it's let me see it's I put it in the the group check as people are asking for it they can't all see the description but it's Dr. Jean at the conscious life and then dash dash dash okay is it is it this Dr. Jean at the conscious life dash life.com. It's Dr. Rajan at the conscious dash life.com. That's a conscious dash okay I put it there quickly I just said it wrong Dr. Jean at the conscious dash life.com. Yeah, so it's D R R a J and at the conscious and then a dash and then life.com. Yes and then I'll be in the description to and we will be. Dr. Jean will be on either later again this month or definitely for either January for a post holiday stream and Valentine's Day hopefully for something Valentine's Day theme so you guys will be seeing her again. But I will put all of her information on in the description, and we have it in the chat as well. And so then let's see the next question. We have one by willow. She asked. I have a friend who always criticized me now. So now every time I see that friend I worry if I can trust them and I worry too much about disappointing them. What should I do. I would cut ties. What's your take I'm probably not the best one to answer. You know willow. It's what I'm going to say is probably going to be uncomfortable, but I think it's honestly the best way to deal with these kinds of situations is to have an open discussion to have a conversation about it. If you know this is a friend who you care about if this is a friend who cares about you. Then, then this is a person who would want to know if they're coming off a certain way and you have every right to tell people what you know give people your feedback and tell them hey you know what you're hurting my feelings or hey. Do you are you aware and maybe in a good way to bring that up is hey you know. Can we talk are you aware that when you say this this and this it feels critical to me do you mean to criticize me. And and open up a discussion about it because if that person doesn't know they're behaving that way then that's going to be valuable information for them. So that they can maybe you know think about how they behave and what they say and maybe make some changes. It'll also help you feel better because you're going to be advocating for yourself. Then you're going to be making it clear hey you know what this doesn't feel very good I'd appreciate being treated better. You know and about disappointing them and trusting them I mean I wonder you know like Michelle said she would cut ties. Is this person a valuable person to you because we have lots of different kinds of friends for different you know seasons and different reasons in our lives. If this is a person you really care about if this is a person who's important to you then I would definitely have a conversation about it and be honest about how you feel. If this is a person who's not maybe that important to you maybe more of an acquaintance and yeah I don't I don't see I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't spend that much time around this person because it sounds like they don't have a very nice energy if this is how they deal with their friends but so those are kinds of kind of decisions that you have to think about or you have things that you have to think about so you can make the right decision for you but yeah. Some friends aren't worth keeping that's the truth because they're not good for your mental health and they're not understanding. And so I have one more question that we're going to answer since for Dr. Jean tips on how to flow with life when things aren't working out financially and career wise. This is a really good one I think people stress out a lot about this during the holidays because you got to have that money to buy all these things and it's a lot of pressure so. It is it's hard you know I think that one thing is don't let your values or your feelings you know be determined by other people's expectations or other people's choices right because we can get into a real competitive situation really easily when it comes to who gave the better gift or who bought the most expensive gift or all of that kind of thing. We can get into comparing ourselves to other people when we look at oh so and so is driving this car or so and so is doing this for the holidays or they're they're able to take this long vacation but I can't afford to take a vacation like that. So, I think, you know being clear on what are the things that you are grateful for in your life. What are the things that you are grateful for and working on in your career. And what are what are the aspirations that you have that you're moving towards you may not have arrived yet you may not have the income that you want yet you may not have gotten to that position in your career that you're working towards. But it's important to nurture who you are and the path that you're on because you know we're living in an ego based society that is so ego driven and they want they want to know what the end results are how much money do you make what kind of car do you drive but you know what process is everything life is process life is journey so reminding yourself you know what I'm a good person these are the things I'm grateful for. This is what I'm working towards in my life and I know that I'll get there right so that when you encourage yourself that way when you remind yourself of what's important to you. Then it's easier to have some detachment when there those other things those people say make comments or say other things or when you start to see things that maybe make you feel like you know you're not good enough or you don't have enough for that kind of thing. And you know the other thing I would say to is to have special experiences with people money is not always what you need to have a cool Christmas gift it would be cool to. Hey you know what I'm going to take you out and we're just going to have an adventure today or we're going to we're going to go get some good coffee you're going to get to have a lunch and I want to take a long walk with you I want to hear about how you've been doing. You know quality time and and and also being creative maybe maybe you're an artist and maybe you're creative you can do creative things to as gifts and you know giving those other people to. Thank you so much for that and thank you to our amazing viewers for asking all these amazing questions I just put in the comments. We do have a giveaway but we're not going to announce it until later this month. So if you subscribe to our new channel pod to go which I linked in the description multiple times I'm going to link it again. You'll be entered for a chance to win our plushie and merch bundle so please please subscribe to pod to go it's our newest channel. And this was super amazing I'm super happy that we did this today Dr. Jean I can't wait for our next one later this month or next month. Me too. And hopefully I have so many ideas going forward how to go about these like hangouts I think they're really awesome and therapeutic for a lot of people so thank you Dr. Jean your wisdom is always appreciated. Oh it's my pleasure to be here I'm so I'm so happy to be here everybody have a wonderful holiday season I wish you all the very best in the new year and you know be be willing to make choices that bring you joy over the holidays you have more power than you think you do. Yes you do and thank you to everyone you guys are amazing. Have an amazing holiday season we'll see you again soon probably before the holidays and so bye everyone thank you.