 Kraft presents The Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah! Cheese company makers of Parquet Margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products presents Harold Perry as The Great Gilder Sleeve. Kraft brings you The Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore with music by Claude Swig. Here from The Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. Today there are many different brands of margarine in the food stores. Here's a simple test for flavor your own family can make. By Kraft's Parquet Margarine, spread it on piping hot toast and then compare Parquet's fine flavor and aroma with any other spread you may have used. You see, heat brings out the flavor of foods. So notice especially how fresh, how delicate, how satisfying this delicious flavor is when Parquet melts into tempting golden brown slices of toast. Prove to your own satisfaction how good Parquet tastes. And then you'll know why millions prefer Parquet to any other brand. Remember Parquet is a vitamin fortified food with 9,000 units of vitamin A guaranteed in every pound. It's tops in food energy value too. So by Parquet, the delicious spread millions prefer to any other brand. P-A-R-K-A-Y Parquet Margarine made by Kraft. Now let's join our friend The Great Gilder Sleeve whom we meet this evening as a member of the Summerfield School Board. In this capacity, he's attending a meeting of the Parent Teachers Association and the Auditorium of the Summerfield Grammar School with Miss Eve Goodwin as chairman. Meeting, he says. Well, it would be a meeting except that so far nobody but Gilder Sleeve and Miss Goodwin have showed up. What time is it, Mark Morton? Time? 8.15, Eve. What time is the meeting supposed to start? At 8. Wouldn't it be awful if nobody came? It would suit me fine. I'll tell you what Eve, let's lock the doors right now so nobody can get in. Throck Morton, what on earth for? Then you and I could play school. Silly. I'll be the naughty boy and you make me stay after. How about it? Oh, don't be childish, Throck Morton. Childish? Don't you even want to know what I did that was naughty? I wrote something naughty on the blackboard. All right, what was it? I love teacher. Please, can I stay after school, teacher? No, Throck Morton. Go home and write out the multiplication table 50 times. Let's get out of here, Eve. Nobody's coming. We know Judge Hooker's coming because we announced him as our principal speaker. We sent out over 200 postcards. Announcing Judge Hooker would speak? Of course. Well, no wonder nobody's here. People don't want to listen to that old goat bleeding at them. The judge is highly respected in the community, Throck Morton. He has a great many admirers. Yeah, and they're all sitting right here waiting for him to speak. Count them. Well, I don't understand it when you send out... There's someone at the door now. If it's a fan of Judge Hooker's, I want to see him. Well, by George, it isn't that. Hello, Judge. Hi, Kelly. Good evening, Gracious Lady. Good evening, Judge. Well, where's our audience? I'm just going to ask you that, Judge. You're the main attraction this evening, I believe. Maybe nobody wants to hear that speech of yours anymore. The law as the bulwark of freedom. My speech has nothing to do with tonight's attendance. The YMCA is giving a minstrel show tonight to raise money for a new pool table. That's where everybody's gone. Oh? Well, that's what we got to compete with, then. Entertainment. Yeah, but how can we compete? Well, Judge, I think your speech might have been a little closer to the subject of education. Just what I've been trying to save. Now, for instance, I might give a little talk on child psychology. You? I'm the authority on child psychology around this town. Well, delinquency, I call it. I just read a magazine article about it. So did I. Oh, please, Horace, Throckmorton. He raised his voice to me. I... I'm sorry, Eve, but Gildersleeve is so irritating. What? Throckmorton. Now, Horace, there's nothing to fight about. You both want to talk on child psychology. Now, why can't we have a debate? Debate? By George. Now, that's something people would come to hear. Do you definite views on the subject, Throckmorton? Have I? I told you I read this article. And you, Judge? I can put my views on juvenile delinquency in a nutshell. Spare the rod and spoil the child. Yeah, I might have known that's how you'd look at it, Judge. Kid steals a pack of chewing gum and you'd send them up for five years. I'd do nothing of the kind. On the other hand, I wouldn't just give them a pat on the back. It's old go-dos like you that make juvenile delinquency a problem. And it's ignorant boneheads like you that make it more difficult. Gentlemen, gentlemen, hold your fire. We'll stage the debate a week from tonight. And may the best man win. I will stage. Where's that little magazine that was lying around the parlor yesterday? Magazine Digest. Yesterday? It's been kicking around here for days. Now, when I want it, I can't find it. Yeah, I know how it is, Aunt. The philosopher even. You haven't seen the magazine? Had an article on child psychology in it? Nope. Did you ask Birdie? She hadn't seen it. Well, I guess I can remember enough of it. Let's see. Maybe if I could make a sort of an outline. Haven't you anything to do, Leroy? Not a thing. We'll find something. You make me nervous just sitting there while I'm trying to work. Okay. Somebody calling you, Leroy? Yeah. We'll answer him. God, there's a kid for you to play with. He's not a kid. He's just a little boy. We'll play with him anyway. Leroy! Leroy's in here, Sonny. Come on in. Oh, for corn sake. He's too little. Whatcha doing? Nothing. Manners, Leroy. I don't believe I know you, young man. What's your name? Craig. He's Craig Bullard. Oh, another one of the Bullard family. Well, well, I've met your brother Marshall and I've met your dad. And you're Craig. Well, quite a family. Let's play, Leroy. Play what? My father gave me this magic trick. But I don't know how it works. Magic? Let's see. Hey, this is the Mahatma's Magic Box. It cost $8.75. How's it work? Well, I'll show you how it works, Craig. Now, look, you sit down here on the sofa and I'll show you the trick. Holy cow, the Mahatma's Magic Box. $8.75. You be careful with Craig's expensive trick, Leroy. I can handle it. Look, Craig, you see, I take this quarter and I open the door of the Mahatma's Magic Box. I place the quarter inside and I close the door. Now, the quarter's in there, isn't it? It's in there all right, isn't it? I don't know. You just saw me put it in. You can hear it. Yes, I hear it. But now I open the other door. You moved it. Open the other door. The other door? You moved it again. Open both doors. I have opened both doors. I open this door. Open the other door? No quarter there either. Where's it the same time? What? Open both doors. Well, I'll be. Was it really in there, Leroy? Sure, you saw me put the quarter in, didn't you, Craig? I thought so. Where did it go? That's the magic. I think this is a kind of a tough trick to learn. How'd you like to trade it for something easier? Leroy. No swindling, please. Oh, I won't jip him. You want to trade this for something easier, Craig? Okay. I wonder if you and Craig could do your trading upstairs, my boy. I'm trying to do some work here. Oh, sure. Come on, Craig, you old boy. I'm going to swindle him. I'd rather he did it where I can't hear the details. Now, let's see here. I suppose Hooker will have a lot of statistics. That kind of stuff. Maybe I should throw in a few. It may surprise my esteemed opponent to learn that in six large cities where corporal punishment was abolished last year, juvenile delinquency fell off 19%. I wonder if you'll know I made that up. Oh, my goodness. No, no, what's the matter here? He took my magic box away from me. I did not. He took it away. Leroy, let me have the facts. I didn't take it. We traded. He said he'd trade the box for my Egyptian changing bag. Is that right, Craig? Are you willing to trade your box for the bag? The bag is torn. I want my box. Is the bag torn, Leroy? Just a small tear. Hardly shows it all. Outside of that, it's in perfect condition. How much is the bag worth? I don't remember exactly. Well, it wasn't worth any $8.75 brand new, was it? No, but they're hard to get now. Or they will be, more these days. They might stop making them. Leroy, give the boy his box. You run upstairs with Leroy, Craig, and you'll get your box back. Thank you. I'll tell you what I'll do, Craig. If you don't like the changing bag, I've got to set a Chinese ring. Upstairs, Leroy. Okay, no. I think you like the change, Craig. Leroy certainly sticks to the thing when he wants to. Yes, sir, there's a lot of bulldog-gillers leaving that boy. Well, come on, bulldog. Get your teeth an old judge hooker here. Let's see. I was throwing statistics at him. Oh, yes. The average rainfall... Craig! Craig, save me, Craig! I want my box. Leroy, give him his box. He took my magic box away from me. I did not. He made the trade. Gosh, Uncle, he made the trade, the changing bag, and the Chinese ring. Well, that sounds fair enough. What's wrong with that? The bag is torn, and the rings are rusty. You're tired of this, Leroy. Stop trying to get Craig's box away from him and just play nicely. Play what? Go out in the backyard and play catch or something sensible and healthy. Can you catch a ball, Craig? Sure. He can't, Uncle. He's a butterfinger. Well, teach him. Ye gods, I am busy. Get out every syllable I'm going to say there. As long as I have the general idea. Now what? Some more kids, I suppose. Come in. Oh! Yes, I am. Pardon me. I thought it was someone I knew at the door. I'm Mrs. Bullard from across the street. Well, well, this is indeed a pleasure. Now I've met the whole family. There's a youngster of yours around here somewhere playing with my nephew. Well, that's what I wanted to ask you, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. I thought I saw Craig come over here. Yes, he's here. Seems like a mighty nice boy, too. I'm glad if he's made a good impression, because I wanted to ask you to do us a favor. Do me a favor. Anything at all, Mrs. Bullard. Anything at all. Well, I've just managed to make an appointment at the hairdressers, and I wondered if I could leave Craig over here for the next couple of hours. Is that all? I thought you were going to ask real favor. Craig is having such a good time with Leroy. That's nothing, Mrs. Bullard. Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. I've got to run now, but I'll pick up Craig as soon as I get there. Don't have him on your mind. Pleasant woman. Seems a little young for Bullard. Oh, what is it, Birdie? I guess I'll be going now. Going? Going where? Did you forget? You told me I could take this afternoon off, and it's 12 o'clock right now. Bye, George Birdie. I had forgotten. Well, go along, Birdie. Yes, sir. I'll be back around 4.30. Goodbye, Mrs. Gilder Sleeve. Goodbye, Birdie. Oh, Birdie. Oh, Mrs. Gilder Sleeve. On your way, just ask Leroy to come in here, will you? Leroy ain't here. He left with Piggy about a half hour ago. He left? What about that little boy that was with him? He's just sitting out there in the backyard by himself. Wait till I catch that, Leroy. All right, Birdie, thanks anyway. You're welcome, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Goodbye. Goodbye. Leroy has the manners of a pig. Well, maybe I'll get a chance to do some work on him this summer. Ah, let's see. Mr. Gilder Sleeve. What is it, Craig? I'm hungry. I want some lunch. Hmm. Birdie, birdie. Confounded, Craig. Why didn't you think of that five minutes ago? Again, in just a few seconds. 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Now, let's get back to the great Gilder Sleeve who finds himself with birdie away faced with the problem of providing lunch for himself and his little guest from across the street. Well, come on, Craig. Let's go out to the kitchen and see what's there, shall we? What say? I'm hungry. I know you're hungry. Gonna get you a nice big lunch. All the things you like, too. What's your favorite? Ice cream. Yes, I know. But that would hardly do for lunch, now, would it? What would you like for lunch? Ice cream. Now, you know as well as I do that we don't eat ice cream for lunch. Now, let's see what we have here. Well, we have raspberry jam, if you like that. Bread and jam. And here's a can of tuna. You could have a tuna sandwich. Now, which would you like? Ice cream. Now, look, Craig, let's be reasonable, shall we? I've got work to do and I gotta get back to it. We haven't any ice cream and if we had some, you wouldn't be allowed to have it. Now, we've got all this nice stuff here. Make up your mind. Which is it gonna be? What does your mother usually give you for lunch? Ice cream. All right, come on. We'll get some ice cream. Because you wouldn't eat what we had to offer at home. Is this where they have the ice cream? Yes. Now, go ahead. Hello, PB. Who's your young friend? This is Rumpson Bullard, younger boy. Say hello to Mr. PB, Craig. How do you do? How do you do, sonny? You get married a little far, don't you? Well, yes, his manners are all right. And what can I do for you today, young man? Well, Craig and I dropped in for a bite of lunch. Climb up on the stool there, Craig. Can you make it? Well, I should say so. You're a good climber, aren't you? I can climb trees, too. How'd you like to go and climb one? Craig's mother's gone out for a while, PB, so I get to take care of him. Well, isn't that nice? And what are you going to have for lunch, sonny? Ice cream. Oh, but ice cream is for dessert. What are you going to have to start with? Ice cream. There's no use arguing with a child, PB. I've tried it. Just give him the ice cream. Well, perhaps you didn't put it to him the right way, Mr. Yellowsleeves. A lot of people get impatient with children. That never works. You see, sonny, we don't start with ice cream. Oh, dear, no. Because that is for our appetite, wouldn't it? It's no use, PB. Now, if you want ice cream, you'll have to eat something else first. You know, a sandwich or something, you understand? I tell you, it's no use. Now, we have all kinds of sandwiches here. Chopped eggs, Swiss cheese, tuna, tomato... I like tuna. Tuna it is. Why you... I offered him a tuna sandwich at home, and he said he didn't want it. Yeah, perhaps the boy changed his mind, Mr. Yellowsleeves. That's everybody's privilege. Now, there's your sandwich, sonny. Want me to unwrap it for you? I can do it. Well, you're a big boy, aren't you? Fine lad, fine lad. You see, Mr. Yellowsleeves, you just have to know how to handle them. Don't forget my ice cream. No, indeed. Ice cream coming right up. Yes, dear, I've always found that reason works pretty well with children. Well, I'm not against it, you understand? I always try a reason when everything else fails, but you can't count on it. Now, there's your dessert, sonny. Thank you. Sandwich first, remember? All right, George, I'll say one thing for you, P.V., you certainly have a way with kids. No, no, I wouldn't say that. Oh, you have, definitely. I argued with them while I was black in the face. All you have to do is speak to him. Well, it's really very simple, Mr. Yellowsleeves. You have to remember the children are people. They're all just like you and me. You know, I'm glad to hear you say that, P.V. I'm taking part in the debate with Judge Hooker tonight before the Parent Teachers Association. Yeah, I saw that in the paper. I was beginning to think maybe I was on the wrong side. Now, the judge, he thinks the only way to handle children is to get them into juvenile court and send them up for five years. Well, the judge has never had any children of his own. Just between you and me, I don't think he knows anything about it. He's gonna find that out this evening. I'm through. Can I have some water? Why, Craig, you've eaten your ice cream. I never touched your sandwich. Listen, you. Not just tonight, Mr. Yellowsleeves. Now, Craig, you and I had an understanding, didn't we? You were to eat the sandwich first. But I didn't want the sandwich. Well, that makes no difference. We had an agreement. So I think you want to eat the sandwich now. But I'm not hungry. I told you you wouldn't be hungry if you ate the ice cream first. But I'm going to have to ask you to eat the sandwich just the same. But I don't want to. Listen, do you want me to tell your mother you eat that sandwich? But I'll get sick. Well, you ordered it. Now eat it. Come along, Craig. I'm afraid we've annoyed Mr. Peabee. Spoiled little devil. If we were mine, I'd... Well, but he isn't. Now, let's see here. Where is it? Craig, have you been... Oh, here it is. Let's see. I say... Miss Goodwin, my honored opponent, Judge Hooker, fellow members of the PTA. Where's Leroy? Where's Leroy? I've told you, Craig, I don't know where Leroy is. I suspect he's hiding. I want Leroy to play with me. Well, he can't play with you. He isn't here. When will he be back? I don't know. Where did he go? For the hundredth time, I don't know where he went. I'm wanting to play with me. Look, Craig, I'm trying to work here. It's very important. I've got just half an hour to finish this. Now, you go upstairs to Leroy's room and find something to do or buy George all... Well, you go upstairs. That's all. I want Leroy to come with me. Leroy isn't here. You gotch! Now what? If it isn't one thing, it's another. Mrs. Bullard, so you're back. Oh, I must apologize. I'm afraid I'm terribly late. Not at all. Not at all. Come in. Is Craig here? Yes, indeed. He's been here every minute. Oh, Craig! Craigie darling, your mother's here. Come, Craig. Oh, I do hope he hasn't been too much trouble. Trouble? Not a bit. He's been a perfect little angel. Well, I'm so glad to hear it. Come, darling. Yes, indeed. Craig and I have gotten to be great friends. Haven't we, Craig? Haven't we? Mr. Gildersleeve asked you a question, dear. The cat's got his tongue, I guess. Well, he's probably tired. Had a big day. Yes. Well, Mr. Gildersleeve, I can't thank you enough. Oh, don't mention it. Glad to have it. Glad to have him any time. We had more fun, didn't we, Craig? Yes, indeed. Well, goodbye. Goodbye. Give my regards to your husband. You must come over when we get settled. I will. Be delighted. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Well, maybe I can get something done around here for a change. Where the devil was I? Hmm. Maybe I'm going at this thing wrong. If I give all my arguments at the start, the judge will refute them. If I just stall and save all my arguments for the rebuttal, you won't get a chance to answer them. You old goat, that'll burn him up. Who's that? Leroy? No, it's me. Oh, hello, Marjorie. Come on in, Marshal. Uncle March, you know Marshal. Oh, yes, yes. How do you do, sir? Your little brother just spent the whole day here. Oh, that's all? Over here, Marshal. Have you got the record? Yes. Is there a needle in that thing? Marjorie. If you don't mind, I'm doing a little work in here, so if you're planning to play the phonograph... Oh, that's all right. Rather than run any risk of that, my dear, I think perhaps I'll retire to my study. Well, you're not disturbing us, Mr. Gilda Slave. Stick around. Yes, stick around, Uncle March. You'll love this. It's called Sad Sack. Quiet, Marshal. Everything. I've been trying all day to get two minutes to myself here, but no. And this is the last straw. When Bernie comes in, tell her I'll have my dinner served alone in my study. What's the matter with him? I don't know. He gets like that. Play it, Marshal. Yeah. George, the judge is right about kids. They ought to send them up for five years. Everyone. No manners, no conscience. Come in. Oh, you can take the dishes, Bernie. I'm through. It ain't that. Miss Goodwin and Judge Booker are here to take you to the school meeting. What'll I tell Eve? I'm not prepared. Really? Oh, coming, Judge. I haven't got much time. Meetings call for eight. Be right with you, Horace. Hello, Eve. Good evening, Throckmorton. Hope you're in good form this evening, Gilda, because I'm prepared to give you the trouncing of your life in this debate. Well, I'm afraid there isn't going to be any debate this evening, Judge. Why not? Because you can't have a debate when two men are on the same side. What? Throckmorton, I don't understand. You mean that now, all of a sudden, you're in favor of corporal punishment for children? Eve, if you'd spent the day I've just spent, you'd be in favor of capital punishment. Oh, well, really? With all those people down there at the meeting, what are we going to do? Don't get excited, Eve. I've got a better idea. Now, who wants to listen to a dull old debate? Do you, Judge? Do I? No. Entertainment. That's what they want. Now, I've got an idea that's going to be great. We can bring it up before the meeting tonight. What's that, Gillie? Why don't we put on a minstrel show? The Parent Teacher's Association? Sure. What a perfectly awful idea. Well, I don't know, Eve. It might be kind of fun. Sure it would. Who was that fat lady I'd done seeing you with last night, Judge? That was no lady. That was my wife. Yes, yes, yes. Mr. Gillilessly, what's the best way to raise spinach? With a fork, any fool knows that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, thank you. Judge, I'll be down to meet you in a taxi, honey. I better be ready about that taxi. No, no. Oh, honey, don't be late. I'm going to meet you in a taxi. What do you got there, Lee Roy? Oh, I got a new way to do the trick, honk. Is that the Mahatma's Magic Box? Yeah, I traded it from Craig. So you finally got it away from him, eh? What did you give him for it, Lee Roy? I gave him a pretty nice deal, honk. What did you give him? Well, it might not seem so good to you, but a kid would love it. What was it? A solid glass doorknob. And a 20 cents in cash. Well, a deal is a deal, I guess. Good night, Lee Roy. Good night, everybody. This is Bob Sweet, Mr. Kent Harpender, speaking to the Kraft Cheese Company, makers of parking margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products. Kraft provides you with a must-have again next week for the further adventures of the great Yellow Sleeves. Hurry, homemakers, just because some of your favorite foods are scarce. 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